The second night of the full moon Remus decided to test something. He returned to house with a couple hours of daylight left, pretty much healed except for pink scars on his side. He immediately went to the kitchen to straighten things up then opened the fridge. It was magicked to only open to a human's hand-or partial human's hand, in his case-so he couldn't open it as a wolf. There were faint scratch marks from where he had certainly tried but the fridge held up well. There was a small platter of roasted chicken which would do nicely. He left it in the fridge for now, glad he didn't have to try and cook anything. He doubted it'd matter if it was cold or not. About ten minutes before sunset he took the platter back out, taking it into the living room to leave on the floor.

Shortly thereafter the curse took hold as the last bit of sun disappeared, letting the moon rule the sky. Remus's body ripped itself apart, his screams bouncing off the walls until his mind slipped into the dark nothingness.

When he came to in the morning he was disappointed to find blood everywhere, giant gashes in his body. It didn't work. He found a scrap of blanket, pulling it around his nakedness as he glanced wearily around. The platter was broken in two and there wasn't any trace of chicken anywhere. Then he studied his wounds. Claw marks, some bite marks, a chunk of flesh with wolf fur lay near him. Groaning, he staggered to his feet, slipping a little in the fresh blood, his arms flying out to try to keep his balance. There was a smear on the floor where his bare foot had slid. Food didn't work... He cautiously made his way to the bathroom, leaving tiny little bloody footprints behind. He had never tried that before-never thought of that before. After seeing how little damage he had done to his body the previous night... or rather, how little he had done compared to what he had expected because of the fight with Lily... he had hoped that the trash had been the key, the food inside the rubbish bin. But no.

He sat on the shower floor, running a finger down one of the gashes, flinching in pain. Nothing soothes the wolf. He yelped as a hangnail got caught in his flesh, slumping down a little more. Blood swirled down the drain leaving temporary pink trails until those too were washed down. Soon he heard Pomfrey so he had to push himself back up to finish getting ready. Once out of the shower he dried himself off as best as possible, the towel getting streaks of blood. He pulled on underwear then let Pomfrey see him, asking her to please put the bandages on the Muggle way.

"I w-want to be able to do it m-myself," he said when she frowned.

"I see. I suppose it would help to teach you some simple spells. You won't be learning much healing magic until later on in Charms." She put the bandages on with her hands then showed him how to tighten them with magic, as well as the sticking spell to keep them locked together. He tried on his leg, the bandages getting far too tight. Pomfrey took them off and had him try again. It took a couple attempts but soon it worked semi-decently. Pomfrey took care of the rest then waited while he got into the pajamas.

"You really should speak to your friends by the way," she said as they went down the tunnel. "It seems they were trying to break into the hospital wing last night to see you."

Remus swallowed, his legs getting even shakier than they already were. "O...oh?"

"I don't know the full extent of what happened, merely than Minerva came by just before I left to make sure they hadn't gotten in."

It was a mistake letting them know where my little room is, he thought miserably. If they ever do manage to get in at night they'd know where to look and I wouldn't be there. "I'll try to t-talk to them."

"I have a surprise for you, once you get settled." Pomfrey looked very pleased all of a sudden. "Actually, I confess, it was Minerva's idea."

The idea turned out to be a very thick sort of drink. Once Remus was under the covers Pomfrey presented this to him. It smelled like bacon and eggs. "I used magic for the taste, however it is full of calories and nutrition. I mentioned that you rarely were able to eat in the morning so she suggested this."

Remus took a sip. It tasted like bacon and eggs. He took a deep suck at the straw. It was... good? Sorta? Just weird drinking breakfast like that. However McGonagall was on the right track: it didn't take very much energy and also didn't really hurt him like it sometimes did to mess with forks or spoons (or even his shaky hands, when he tried eating toast). He just had the glass set against his chest while he sleepily slurped the meal down.

"It's b-brilliant," he said once he got the last bit gone, nearly asleep as Pomfrey took the empty cup away. "Th-thanks..." Then he drifted off.

()

Remus felt pretty good when he woke up at lunchtime. Better than normal, even when he had lesser wounds than this. Must have been the fact I ate something. Drank something. He peeled back gauze to check his wounds. Some were scars, some were still gaping open. When he went to the bathroom connected to his room he saw in the mirror that while he still looked impossibly pale and deathly ill, he thought perhaps it was slightly not as bad as normal? He wasn't sure. He'd have to wait till a really bad night to find out for sure which he hoped would take a long, long time to test out.

When Pomfrey brought lunch she also brought a small bouquet of flowers with a card attached. Remus gobbled down the food (proper food, not liquid) then looked at the card figuring it was from the other Marauders or something though flowers didn't seem very them.

Remus,

I'm so sorry for everything. I wanted to talk to you Thursday night but Potter told me you were practically needing to go to Saint Mungo's. I tried to come see you but Madame Pomfrey wouldn't let me near you. I really am sorry. I was acting so dumb. I have so much more to say but I'd rather say it to your face. I don't know if I'll be allowed to see you soon. I hope so. Just please get better soon. I hope you're not having to go off to the hospital.

Love, Lily

PS: Black told me it was my fault you had a relapse cause of what I said to you. I don't think he's telling me the truth but if he is I am very sorry

He asked Pomfrey for some paper so he could reply back, thinking carefully about his words before writing them down because he was super mad. Not at Lily but at Sirius for telling her that. How could he?!

Lily,

I'm sorry too. I wrote a letter to you but didn't get a chance to send it before I was locked up in the hospital wing. I'm sorry for what I said too except I was telling the truth. I try to give Snape a chance but I don't think he wants one from me. As for what James & Sirius may or may not have done trying to stop them is like a Muggle trying to stop a storm.

He had liked that analogy in his original letter so of course he had to bring it back.

I guess we both were acting dumb. And while it did really hurt me how you acted it is NOT why I got sick again! It has NOTHING to do with that! Sirius is just being an ogre. I'm feeling a little better already. Pomfrey says I'll probably be allowed to leave on Sunday or Monday depending how today goes rest-wise. So we can talk when I can, yeah?

Remus

()

On Sunday morning Remus had quite a few nasty wounds though he tried the food-being-left-out thing again just for another experiment. Not an excessive amount of gore... not any less than a typical night. He had some deep wounds on his chest making it difficult to breathe, pain stabbing every time his chest moved. After a quick(ish) scrub down he tried to patch himself up with the spell he learned the day before. He cried out in pain when the bandages tightened them around his chest and when Pomfrey arrived she did some diagnostics to find out he had a broken rib.

At Hogwarts he had another breakfast shake which tasted like chocolate. This one he sucked down within minutes, making sure he mentioned how much he preferred this one. Hopefully he'd get a chocolate one every morning after a full moon. Then he fell asleep, vague nightmares of broken bones and Lily shouting at him swirling around his head.

While he ate lunch he pondered over the whole not-as-bad-as-he-expected thing. Was the wolf going easier on him? Or-did his fight with Lily really not touch on him as much as he thought it did? It hurt so much as a human and he thought whatever agitated him as a human would agitate the wolf. When he had been upset over Fawley talking about the Blacks involvement in her sister's execution it had been one of the worst full moon stretches ever. Was it just because that did affect the wolf? Was the wolf... aware? Of his memories? Was it more than just anxious, stressed human = anxious, stressed wolf?

Does it have a mind of its own? he wondered as he poked at the steak Pomfrey had brought him. He thought he knew the wolf. He felt it as a human, felt its anger, its desire to lash out... sometimes it tried to control him outside the moon. But this was a brand new possibility. When he was a full blown wolf... was he... more than just the violent fury? Was there something else there? Something that raged against thoughts of another wolf's execution but didn't care about the silly, asinine fights two 12 year olds would have? Or... did the fight with Lily not really cause as much emotional trauma as he thought it did? Was it all on the surface? What was it? Why was it?

He took a big bite of the steak, chewing without really tasting it despite steak being one of his favorite things (which was, he suspected, because of the wolf too. He hadn't come across any kind of meat he hadn't liked yet). He wished there was another werewolf he could talk to. Ask. He wished he wasn't so... alone...

()

Remus left the hospital wing about an hour before supper. He had some healing wounds on his chest still but otherwise felt okay, albeit quite tired. At least always wearing too-big clothes meant his jumper easily hid the bulky bandages underneath. He walked (slowly) to the Great Hall, not really feeling like going all the way up to the dorm only to come back down in an hour. Nobody he knew was in the Hall though so he sat by himself, reading the Muggle fiction book he had with him all weekend though hadn't read very much yet. It was incredibly good, one of the best books he had ever read even if he didn't understand a lot of it due to it being very... science-y and technological.

He was so engrossed in the book that the time passed by quickly and he never even heard anyone coming up behind him until suddenly someone put their hands over his eyes. He yelped in shock, dropping the book.

"Guess who?" asked a muffled voice.

"Sirius, I know it's you!" Remus pried his hands off, glaring a bit, hoping Sirius wouldn't ask how he knew since it was from his scent. "You frightened me."

"Sorrrryyyy." He plopped down next to Remus, grinning. "Welcome back. You still look awful."

"Thanks." He scooped the book up, finding his place.

"The Andromeda Strain?" Sirius squinted at the title. "Is that about the galaxy or the myth?"

"Neither. It's about these extraterrestrial microorganisms from space killing people and scientists trying to figure out what they are and how to stop it," Remus mumbled, putting the bookmark into the right spot. "It's really good."

"Lemme be the judge of that." Sirius took the book, flipping open to the spot he just marked. "'In essence it functioned as a giant switchboard fully... com... comp... uhhh comm...cohm-putt-er-ihzed...'"

"Computerized," Remus corrected. He hoped Sirius didn't ask him what that meant since he only had a vague understanding of the Muggle device from the fictional books he read.

"'The three rooms of the delta sector were quiet... all that could be heard was the soft hum of-of spinning tape drums'?!" Sirius shook his head, shoving the book back into his hands. "You're weird, mate. Really weird." He thonked his fist gently against Remus's head like he had just a few days before. "Your brain is probably super big. Unnaturally big. That's why you're so small, your brain is sucking all your life force into it, taking away from your body."

"Shut up." Sirius began making loud slurping sounds. Remus laughed, shoving at him as he came in close, the sounds even more wet and disgusting. "Stooop!"

"That's your brain." His eyes swept the table then he grabbed a glass, pouring some pumpkin juice into it. "I'm your brain, this is your life force." He began slurping even louder. Except he was laughing as he did, spilling the juice everywhere. Remus was laughing too, harder now, which sent waves of pain through him from his still injured chest.

"Where are the others?" Remus asked when he could finally talk again.

Sirius began cleaning the juice off his face and shirt (one of James's, he pretty much exclusively wore James's shirts over the past couple months). "Detention. We might have gotten in some big time trouble Friday night."

"Ooh, Pomfrey said you were trying to get into the hospital wing... what happened?"

Sirius told him everything. He and James wanted to explore the school so they decided to have Peter be the Door Guardian like Remus did occasionally. Peter happily agreed, so Sirius and James went out exploring. They returned to find the Fat Lady gone so they waited. And waited. And waited. They hid whenever Filch or his cat went by but at one point they were caught, taken to McGonagall. They pulled out the puppy dog eyes, telling McGonagall they had just gone to the hospital wing to see Remus, that's all, they missed him and Pomfrey wouldn't let them see her. It actually worked, to an extent. They only got one night of detention. Until McGonagall escorted them back to the common room. When the three of them went in Peter didn't notice McGonagall and started apologizing for falling asleep while 'on watch'. Whether McGonagll got annoyed because it was planned instead of spur of the moment or that they roped Peter into their nighttime excursion or what, they weren't exactly sure. Just that Sirius and James got two more nights of detention while Peter got one night.

"Decided she didn't want me and Jimmy to be in detention together," Sirius finished as food began appearing across the table. "I have my first at six tonight."

That reminded Remus that he still had a couple nights to serve for what he did to Mulciber. Maybe McGonagall would give it to him soon and he'd be able to serve with either Sirius or James. That'd be nice. He was also reminded of Lily's letter when he saw Snape going to the Slytherin table.

Remus swiveled his head, gathering the nerve to ask. He... didn't want to but he had to. "Sirius, did you-t-talk to Lily about... my relapse?"

His face immediately darkened and suddenly he was very interested in the food he put on his plate. "I don't really remember. I think she asked us where you were. James said you were in the hospital."

"Is that... all?" Sirius pushed a cauliflower around in circles before he began rolling it through some melted cheese. "Sirius?"

He tossed his hair back, a smile plastering on his face. "Cheese makes veggies much better, don't you agree?" He popped the cauliflower into his mouth. "Mmm."

"Sirius."

He swallowed, letting his fork drop. "You talk to her, then? When? Did Pomfrey let her come see you? How come we couldn't see you? That really doesn't seem fair at all."

"She sent me a get well card which included an apology in case it was her fault I had gotten sick again," Remus said a little more snappish than he meant to.

At least Sirius finally looked guilty. "I might... have said... something... along those lines." Remus just gave him a hard stare until he gave a loud groan. "Fine! Yes! I told her that. Because come on, she says those things then you got all sick again. I thought-you get all... you know... emotionally d-upset. And all anxious. I thought that brought your, errrr, whatever it is back."

"Emotionally what?" he demanded. Sirius didn't reply. "Emotionally disturbed? Is that what you were going to say?"

"No! I-I swear I was going to say emotionally down."

Remus didn't believe him, but he didn't want to focus on that right now. "That had nothing to do with my-sickness. Nothing at all." Sirius sniffled, stabbing bits of cauliflower now and dunking them in the cheese. "It's completely rotten of you to even imply that let alone say so to her!" Sirius used a bit of cauliflower to gloop cheese all over his plate, some of it going off his plate onto the table. "Are you even listening to me? How would you like it if someone told you that?"

Sirius's head snapped back up, silver eyes blazing. "I'd never say those things to you, I actually like you."

Even in the middle of an intense conversation (fight...?) hearing those words made Remus have a flare of joy inside of him. Then after the brief, warm feelings (that lingered down deep) he returned to feeling on edge. He didn't want to fight with Sirius. He didn't think he could stand it. He thought he'd completely shatter if Sirius started hating him too, or James, or Peter.

"That doesn't change the fact you-you accused her of such a thing, and it's horrible. It's... frustrating. I don't care if you don't get along. I don't get along with Snape. But I'd never tell Snape it's his fault Lily got super sick or anything. I mean, you do understand how awful it is, don't you?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm not that stupid." He was stabbing his food now, jaw clenched tight. "It was dumb of me to say, all right? I admit it. I'll... apologize... to her if that's what you really want." He sounded so furious, as if apologizing would kill him or something.

"It would be a g-good thing to do," Remus said stiffly. He reached up, rubbing his chest where his wound was hurting from how tight his muscles had gotten. He flinched in pain, hoping it hadn't been opened up again. It probably hadn't... right?

Sirius's expression immediately softened. "You just got out of the hospital and I've just caused problems for you. I didn't mean to..."

Remus managed a bit of a smile. "No. I'm f-fine just... really tired. Look, I appreciate you standing up for me just... not at the sake of bashing my other friends. This was between me and Lily, and we were going to talk about it today. Or tomorrow. I-I'm not sure." He didn't know what to say now, whether Sirius was upset or not. If he needed to try to smooth things over... reassure Sirius he wasn't angry? Which, well, he kinda was but he wasn't going to pursue that, wasn't going to risk anything with the Marauders right now. That would come down the line when he needed to cut things off for his own safety. Not yet.

Sirius leaned forward, across the table. "You're not mad at me, are you?"

He almost lied completely, almost said 'of course not' then changed his mind. He wasn't sure why. Possibly Fawley, telling him how important communication was for any kind of relationship even though he wasn't really on board with that idea. "A little, I guess."

He reached over to squeeze Remus's arm. "You're one of my best friends. I don't want to ever hurt you."

That warm joyful feeling came back. Best friend. He wondered if that was different from a pinky-promised friend. "You're one of my best friends too," Remus said, the complete truth in those words. And almost as soon as he said it there were the other two, James and Peter, rushing in. They both looked filthy from cleaning the staff room but James had black streaks all over him since he had tackled the fireplace there, having to do it the Muggle way. He hugged Remus when he saw him, not even thinking about the soot which got all over Remus. James laughed, apologizing, but Remus didn't really care. They were all so happy to see him back, telling him that they had been worried, missed him, etc, etc.

I hope Fawley's wrong, he thought as they began eating. Peter and James were talking about the staff room, telling them about what it looked like. Peter had snooped in a bunch of the cupboards and drawers but hadn't found anything interesting. I hope we don't fight.

He glanced over as Lily came into the Great Hall. She was chatting with Inkwood then stopped when she spotted Remus. She froze, eyes going big. Slowly she raised her hand, giving him a small wave. Remus gave a small wave back. The other Marauders saw this but none of them said anything about it they just continued with their conversation except James gave Remus's arm a pat as Lily approached.

"You're back," she said. "I'm glad you're all right."

"Er, y-yeah. Did-did you get my note?"

"I did," she said nervously, shifting from foot to foot. "Did you... want to talk after supper?"

"Yeah that'd be-be good."

"Okay."

"Hey, Evans." Sirius stood up. "A-about what I said. Errr... the thing is... I guess I shouldn't have said it..."

Lily's expression hardened. "No, you shouldn't have. But don't worry about apologizing since I doubt you'd mean it anyway. We're both aware neither of us like each other so as long as Remus is all right, no need to say anything to me." Sirius looked quite taken aback by this as he slowly sat back down, not really knowing it was pretty similar to what Remus had said to Lily about Snape in the past. "I'll see you after supper?" she asked Remus who nodded. "Okay. Um. Okay." She hurried back to Inkwood.

Sirius folded his arms. "You all saw me try to apologize. I did my part. Stupid cow."