49

EPOV

I rolled over in my bed and sighed. I had been awake all night. The bed felt so empty without Bella. I guess it was. I hated having to leave her last night. Her first day of conditioning had been rough on her. Her body was already so weak from eight weeks of constant treatments. I hated watching her suffer.

I climbed out of the bed and went into the bathroom and took a quick shower. I dried off and quickly pulled on my jeans and t-shirt. Today was going to be even harder than yesterday was for her. I went out to the kitchen and grabbed a quick breakfast and went out to the car.

The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever today. I had talked to Emmett last night when I got home. I could hear the fear and pain in his voice but I tried to reassure him that everything was ok. I hope he believed me.

I parked my car in the parking lot and headed into the hospital. I had spent nearly an hour talking with Bella's transplant team yesterday about just what to expect through the progress. It wasn't anything I hadn't heard before. I knew it was going to be hard but I also knew that I had no idea what to really expect. This was foreign territory for both me and Bella.

I rode the elevator up to the sixth floor and scrubbed up as quickly and thoroughly as I could. I hated that I couldn't touch her without the gloves on. I hated that I couldn't hold her without all the protection gear on but I understood why I had to wear it. It was the only way I could be near her and keep her safe from my germs.

I made my way down to Bella's room. She was sleeping when I entered her room. Carlisle was taking a blood sample. He looked up at me.

"How's she doing?" I whispered.

"She's ok," he whispered through his mask. "She had a rough night but she did ok. Are you ok?"

"I suppose," I whispered. I pulled a chair up to the side of her bed.

"I know it's hard, Edward," he whispered. "But it'll be worth it."

"I hope so," I whispered.

Carlisle picked up the vials on the bed and walked out of her room. I picked up Bella's hand in mine and held it while I watched her sleep. She was so beautiful. Her brow creased slightly and I knew she wasn't having a good dream.

"No….Edward…don't leave me…please," she muttered in her sleep.

I felt my heart break with just the thought that she would think I would ever leave her. I leaned down and to her ear.

"I will never leave you," I whispered.

Bella sighed softly and her face relaxed as she continued to sleep. I spent the next couple hours just watching her sleep. Everyone once in awhile she would mumble my name or ask me to stay. I just reassured her that I wasn't going anywhere. It was the only think I knew to do right now. I just had to reassure her that I would be here for her.

I was sitting with my head on her bed when I felt her pull her hand out of mine. I lifted my head and looked up at her. She was watching me with soft smile on her face.

"Hey," I whispered. "How'd you sleep?"

"Ok," she said, adverting her eyes from mine. I knew the truth but I wouldn't mention it. It would just cause us to fight. She looked back over at me. "How'd you sleep last night?"

"Crappy," I chuckled softly. She smiled softly. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," whispered Bella. "Did you talk to Emmett last night?"

"Yeah," I said. "He's ok. I think he still pretty scared but I tried to reassure him that you were doing ok."

"I'm sure he's driving Rose crazy," chuckled Bella.

"Why don't you talk to him on your webcam?" I asked. "That way he can see you are ok."

"Ok," she said with a soft smile.

I brought her laptop over to her and got it set up for her while she sent Emmett a text letting him know she was getting on the cam. A few minutes later, his goofy face filled her screen. I could tell he was at school.

"Hey, Em," she said softly.

"Hey, Bells," he said. "You look like crap."

"Gee, thanks," she chuckled. "I feel like crap. You look horrible."

"I know," he chuckled. I leaned back in my seat and watched them. "Everyone in trig says hi."

"Oh, ok," chuckled Bella. Her face was so much brighter when she smiled. "Hey, everyone. Are you having fun?"

"NO," they all chuckled from the background.

"They lie," chuckled Emmett. "So how was the first day?"

"It was hard," said Bella. "I feel so much worse than I have been. When are you coming to donate?"

"Next Monday," said Emmett.

"Are you scared?" asked Bella.

"No," said Emmett, quickly.

"Liar," said Bella. Emmett chuckled softly.

"I'm scared that I won't be able to help you, Bella," said Emmett. "I can take the procedure."

"You are helping me, Em," said Bella as the bell rang on the Emmett's end. "I guess you have to go now."

"I guess," said Emmett sadly.

"I'll text you later, ok?" asked Bella as a tear fell down her face.

"You had better," chuckled Emmett. "Love you, sis."

"Love you, too," she whispered. "Now, go learn something new."

"Yes, ma'am," chuckled Emmett. "Edward, take care of my sister."

"I will," I said. Bella shut off the camera and closed her laptop. "You ok?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "It helped to see him but at the same time, it makes it harder. Does that make sense?"

"Yes," I said as Chloe came in with Bella's breakfast.

"I hope you are hungry," she chuckled as she set the try down after I moved the laptop.

"Not really," said Bella. "But I'll try."

"Good girl," said Chloe. She looked over at me. "Your father had instructed me to tell you to go get something to eat or else."

"I ate before I came in," I said.

"He said you would say that and told me to tell you that a piece of toast is not a real breakfast," smirked Chloe.

"Busted," chuckled Bella. I rolled my eyes.

"I'll eat later," I said.

"Go eat, Edward," said Bella. I closed my eyes. "Please? I'm going to need you at full strength later."

"Fine," I said. "I'll be back in a little bit."

"Ok," she said. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I said.

I got up and made my way out into the hall. I found Carlisle standing against the wall out side of her room with a smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes as I pulled off my gown, mask, and gloves.

"I should have known you would be listening."

"I promised her I would take care of you, Edward," said Carlisle. "Come on. Let's go grab some food from the wonderful cafeteria."

"Ok," I chuckled.

I followed down to the elevator. We made our way down to the cafeteria and grabbed some breakfast. He kept shoving food onto my tray until I reminded him that I was a big boy capable of taking care of myself. He just chuckled and stopped. We paid for our food and found a table in the back.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" I asked.

"You know me too well," he chuckled as we ate. "I've been thinking about Bella's care."

"Ok," I said. "What about it?"

"Well, I know I said she would be here for the next four to eight weeks but really that's a bit of a stretch. That would mean that we've had a lot of complications. I don't foresee any but I needed her to be prepared for the long run. I think I can get her home no later than two week post-transplant but there are a few things we will need to do at your house."

"Like what?" I asked.

"We need to have a ventilation system put in," said Carlisle. "It will help keep the house sterile and she can recover at home once she has mostly engrafted."

"Ok," I said quickly. "I'll get it set up."

"I'll take care of it," said Carlisle. I went to protest but he stopped me. "No, your mother and I are doing this, so end of discussion. Now, once she goes home, she's still going to have to stay cut off from the others for at least a few weeks but I think it will be easier for her to recover at home versus here in the hospital."

"I think so too," I said softly. "When you talk about complications, what do you mean exactly?"

"We have to watch for infection, fever, but mostly for Graft-versus-Host disease," he said.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Basically, when we give her the new marrow, the healthy cells sometime see it as foreign and will attack it in order to protect her. I don't see that happening but we will be watching for it, just in case," said Carlisle. "Now, let's talk about you."

"What about me?" I asked, leaning back in my seat. "I'm fine."

"Edward, I love you, son, but that's a load of shit," said Carlisle. "Did you sleep at all last night?"

"No," I said.

"Edward, you have to take care of yourself in order to be here for Bella," said Carlisle.

"Look, I know, ok," I said. "It's not like I didn't try to sleep but I can't sleep without her. I felt so out of place. I'm going to take care of myself. I'm going to eat and try to sleep but until I get my wife home, I can't guarantee that I will."

"Ok," he said. "But if it gets to bad, then I will give you something to help, ok?"

"Ok," I said.

"Good," he said. "Now, let's get back up to that wife of yours. It's about time to start her treatment."

"Ok, Dad," I said.

I followed Carlisle back up to Bella room. We both scrubbed up and went in. She closed her laptop as we came in. Carlisle started her next treatment and left us alone. Bella drifted off to sleep for a while but woke up as she screamed when the pain hit her stomach.

For the rest of the day, I tried to make it better for her. I held her while she was sick. I rubbed her back, washed her face. I talked to her to try to distract her from the pain and nauseas but I don't think it helped at all. Eventually, she passed out from pure exhaustion. I watched her sleep until I was kicked out by Chloe.

I went home and changed into my pajamas. I logged onto my computer and pulled up her blog site.

Day Two

I want to die. Ok, not really but my entire body hurts.
I've been dealing with the soreness for weeks but this
was different. Every inch of my body hurts. I had
nightmares all night about being left alone. I know
you are reading this, Edward, but you already knew
about the nightmares anyway.

I talked to my brother today using a webcam. Hi,
Emmett, go do your homework. He put on a brave
face but I could see the pain.

Oh, got to go now. Starting treatment number
two now. This is worth it all, right? I really hope so.

I shut down my computer and crawled into our bed. I let my tears fall freely as I hugged Bella's pillow to my chest. God, please, let this be worth it.