51

Bella,

Thanks for the message. It's nice to have someone who understands,
even if you do live on the other side of the country. I have two brothers,
both younger. Ashton is ten. He's annoying but I love him. He's really
struggling with my 'condition', as my mother keeps calling it. I wish
she would just call it what it is, A tumor. Jack is seven. He doesn't
really understand what is going on except that I feel like crap all
the time. I think he knows more than what he is saying but he's
not the type to make a big deal out of things, you know?

My parents are Martin and Denise. They own a small dry cleaning
business here in Chicago. I hate how hard this has been on them.
They fight all the time. My dad thinks we should get a third opinion
before they cut my head open and start playing with my brain. My
mom thinks we should go forward with the operation and hope for
the best. I would rather not do either but I guess I don't have a choice.
Either way my life as I know it is over.

It's really cool that you love music. Do you play anything? I love music
but I have zero talent. My true passion, or food for my soul as you put it,
is writing. I hope to one day write the great American Novel. Who knows
if I will ever be able to write again after the surgery. They told me that
with where the tumor is located that I would more than likely lose my ability
to walk, talk, write, be a normal thirteen year old. Fun, right? Yeah, not so much.

How do I go on with my life knowing that I might die? No one will answer
that for me. My mother keeps telling me that I'm not going to die. She says
'Tricia, you have to have a positive attitude.' It takes so much control for me
not to roll my eyes and scream at her to leave me the hell alone. I know she
needs to believe this but I'm not stupid. I know that I may die. I know that no
matter how hard I try, I just may not make it to see my next birthday.

I suppose I should end my ramblings now. Thanks again for letting me talk
your ear off, err screen off. Take care, Bella.

Tricia

I smiled slightly as I read her words. She's sounds so much more mature than the average thirteen year old. I clicked on the reply button on my screen and sat up in the bed.

Tricia,

I wish I could tell you how to go on with the rest of your life knowing that you
may die, but honestly, I don't really know. For the first several weeks that I was
sick, I put the fake smile on my face and pretended that everything was going to
be ok. I really believed it at first. I mean, I wasn't supposed to get sick. I wasn't
supposed to be going through hell. I was a cheerleader, damn it. But here I am
fighting for my life in a clean room, hoping and praying that by some miracle
that the marrow takes and I live.

I know, I'm not really that much help, am I? I just don't want to be another person
who tries to sugar coats things for you. I'm sure you are getting enough of that. I
know I did. It took a pretty major breakdown, and fit throwing by me, for my friends
and family to understand that I might not be strong enough to make it through.

I will tell you this, be glad that you have parents that love you enough to fight over
you. I found out after I got sick that my mother, Renee, died when my brother and
I were barely out of diapers. Ok, so Emmett was still in diapers but only at night.
He'd kill me for telling you that. My father, Charlie, had lied to us and told us she
left us. It turns out that she died from the same disease that is killing me. Ironic,
huh? I was so pissed with my father that I nearly pushed him away for good. I
didn't understand why he would lie to us. Then he died.

A few weeks after I was diagnosed he was killed in a car accident that also claimed
the lives of my friends, Rose and Jasper's parents. In one tiny moment my world
started cracking around me. See, as long as I had my Daddy here, I thought I could
do it. God wouldn't take my from me Daddy, right? But God had other plans, I guess.

It wasn't until Emmett found Charlie's journals that I really understood my father.
He suffered more than any one man should have to. He was left to watch the love
of his life die while having to raise two pretty stubborn kids. I wish I could tell him
thank you for everything he's done for me but I can't. Maybe he knows.

Anyway, let's get off the depressing stuff. You wanted to know if I play anything. Well,
I do. I play the piano, the cello, the guitar, and the drums. Like, I said, music is the food
for my soul. I started with the piano when I was two or three. I'm not really sure. All I know
is that I used to sit at my mother's piano and play the songs that were in my head for hours.
When I was six my father bought me my guitar. I was in love with that guitar. When I was
nine, I started reading a book about cellos. So I saved up all my money and bought myself
one. I started playing the drums when I was twelve. See, I could be my own rock band.
What would I name my bad?

Anyway, enough about me and my own pathetic ramblings. I look forward to reading
your great American Novel someday. Maybe you should start writing it now. Just an idea.

Until next time,

Bella

I sent the message as the door to my room opened. I looked up and saw Edward come in. I shut my laptop and tried to sit up better but my arms were just too weak to do the job. We were on day nine of conditioning. So much for the week I had been hoping for.

"Hey," I said softly as Edward came over and sat on the side of my bed. He reached down and grabbed my hand in his gloved hand. "How was your lunch?"

"It was pretty nasty," chuckled Edward. "How was yours?"

"It was gross," I whispered. "I couldn't taste it."

"Oh," he whispered as he stroked my check with his free hand. I leaned into his hand. "Do you feel like getting up?"

"No," I said softly. "I got a new message from Tricia."

"What'd she say?" he asked softly.

"She told me about her brothers and her parents," I said as I shifted slightly in the bed. "She wants to be a writer. She wants to write the next great American novel. I suggested that she should start her book now."

"That'd be cool," chuckled Edward. "You could say you knew her when."

"Yeah," I said with a smile. "How's everyone?"

"They are ok," said Edward. "If you're up to it, they were hoping to get the cams up later."

"Sure," I said softly. "I'm tired."

"You want to take a nap?" he asked.

"Yeah," I whispered. "Lay with me?"

"Ok," he whispered.

Edward shifted so that he was laying in the bed next to me. I rolled onto my side, being careful not to mess up my central line, and laid my head on his chest. He started humming as I fell asleep.

I looked around at the area in front of me. I was standing in the cemetery. I looked down and saw that I was standing in front of Charlie and Renee's graves. I heard a noise behind me and turned to see several cars pulling up. I watched as Edward, Emmett, and the others climbed out of the back of the large black limo.

Some of the boys from school pulled out a black casket from the back of the hearse and carried it over to where I was standing. They ignored me as they places it above the hole that I had just noticed. Carlisle and Esme had their arms around Edward as they walked over to me. Rose, Alice, Emmett, and Jasper followed them as they let their tears fall down their faces. Robert Weber came over and stood next to me.

"Today, we lay Bella to rest," he said. I gasped as I looked around at everyone.

"No," I cried. "I'm not dead."

"It's always hard to lose someone we love but it's especially hard knowing how hard she fought," said Robert ignoring me. I ran over to Edward.

"Baby, I'm here," I sobbed as I tried to wrap my arms around him but I fell threw him like he was made of air.

"Edward has asked to say a few words," said Robert. Edward pulled away from Carlisle and Esme's arms and walked up to my casket.

"NO, EDWARD!" I screamed through my tears. "I'M NOT DEAD."

"Bella, once told me that she wanted us to celebrate her life and not morn….her….death," choked out Edward, through his tears. He knelt down next to my casket and laid his head down. "Baby, I'll love you forever."

"I'M NOT DEAD!" I screamed as I ran over to him. "I'M RIGHT HERE. LOOK AT ME!"

"You'll always be mine," sobbed Edward on my casket. Carlisle and Esme came over and wrapped their arms around Edward.

"Come on, son.," whispered Carlisle through his tears. They pulled him to his feet. Carlisle looked down at my casket. "I'll keep my promise, Bella. I'll take care of him."

"We love you, Bella," sobbed Esme. They walked away as Emmett and Rose came over.

"Bella…" whispered Emmett as he let his tears fall. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm so sorry."

"Emmy, I'm here," I sobbed as I reached for him. "I'm right here. Please, Emmy."

"I'll always love you, Belly," he sobbed.

"We'll miss you, sister," cried Rose. Emmett wrapped his arms around her.

"Rosie, I'm here," I cried. They walked over to Carlisle, Esme, and Edward as Alice and Jasper came over. "Jas, can't you hear me?"

"Oh, Bells," he cried as he ran his hand over the top of my casket. "I love you, Bella. You'll always be my best friend."

"Goodbye, Bella," sobbed Alice. Jasper pulled her into his arms. "I wish I had more time… I love you."

They walked over to the others. They all looked back at me before they walked over to the limo. The others climbed in but Edward stopped and looked right at me. I could see the pain in his eyes as he let his tears fall.

"I'm sorry," he whispered but I still heard him as if he was standing next to me. "I'll always love you."

"NOOOOOO!" I screamed as Edward climbed into the back of limo. They pulled away and I tried to run after them but suddenly, I was laying inside the casket. I felt it as they started lowing me into the grave. "NO, I'M NOT DEAD."

"NOOOOOO," I screamed as I shot up in the bed. Edward was sitting on the side of my bed. He had tear pouring down his face. He pulled me into his arms and held me tight as I sobbed.

EPOV

I wrapped my arms around Bella as she laid her head on my chest and drifted off to sleep. The last few days had been so hard for her. Well, for us. She barely had the strength to even sit up in her bed. I hated that this was taking so much out of her. We had already spent two days more in the conditioning phase than we had planned on. The only good thing is the friendship she and Tricia had formed. I think it was nice for Bella to have someone to really talk to, even if it was on a computer.

"No," Bella cried out in her sleep. "I'm not dead."

"Bella, wake up," I whispered.

"Baby, I'm here," she sobbed as she wrapped her arms around me. "NO, EDWARD…I'M NOT DEAD."

"Baby, wake up," I said louder. Her face was contorted with pain and anguish.

"I'M NOT DEAD!" screamed Bella. "I'M RIGHT HERE. LOOK AT ME!"

"Bella, wake up," I said as I slipped her arms off of me and slid to the side of her bed. My tears were falling down my face.

"Emmy, I'm here," sobbed Bella as she reached out into the thin air as she slept for him. "I'm right here. Please, Emmy…Rosie, I'm here…Jas, can't you hear me…NOOOOOO…NO, I'M NOT DEAD."

"Love, wake up," I sobbed as the door to Bella's room opened and Carlisle came running in. "Baby, please wake up for me."

"NOOOOO," screamed Bella as she shot up in her bed. I immediately pulled her into my arms. "I'm not dead…I'm not dead."

"No, you're not, baby," I whispered as I rocked her. I turned and looked at my father, who had tears running down his face. "Please tell us that this working."

"It's working," he whispered.

"I'm not dead," mumbled Bella. "I'm not dead."

"Bella, love, look at me," I whispered. She pulled back and looked into my eyes. "You are not dead. It was just a bad dream. I've got you."

"You won't let go?" she sobbed softly.

"Never," I whispered. "You and me forever, remember?"

"Forever," she whispered. "I love you, Edward. Please don't leave me."

"I love you, Bella," I whispered. "I am never going to leave you."

I pulled Bella into my arms and held her as she sobbed into my yellow smock. I wanted to press my lips to hers. I wanted to show her that I loved her but I couldn't. I couldn't show my wife that she was mine forever. I looked up at Carlisle once Bella had stopped crying. Bella turned her head and looked over at him.

"I can't…." she trailed off.

"It's ok," said Carlisle. "We can do the transplant."

"What?" asked Bella as she lifted her head slightly.

"You are officially clean of all cancerous marrow," said Carlisle. "We can do the transplant tomorrow."