52

BPOV

"You are officially clean of all cancerous marrow," said Carlisle. "We can do the transplant tomorrow."

"Are you sure?" I asked through my tears. I could still feel my body shaking from the nightmare.

"Yes, sweetheart," said Carlisle. "Emmett's coming in the morning. I will extract his marrow. Then I can bring it in here to you and we can start giving it to you through your IV."

"Have you talked to Emmett yet?" I asked.

"Yes," said Carlisle. "I called him earlier."

"Oh," I whispered. "Do you think it will still work?"

"I really hope so," said Carlisle. "It'll take a few days before we will know if the marrow is engrafting or not."

"Oh," I said as I looked away from him. I wasn't really sure what to say. What do you say when you are faced with the uncertainty of your impending life or death?

"Bella, I know this has been hard but I…." trailed off Carlisle. I looked back at him. He had tears falling from his eyes. "I'm just so sorry."

"Why?" I asked, confusedly. "You didn't make me sick.. You've done nothing but try to save my life since the moment I met you, Carlisle."

"I just don't like to watch you hurt," he whispered. "I don't ….."

"I know," I whispered. "But I hurt anyway. We just have to hold on to hope right now that this works, I guess."

"You're right," said Carlisle, looking around the room. "Anyway, just hang in there, sweetheart."

"I'm trying," I whispered. Carlisle just nodded and headed back out of my room. I laid my head back on Edward's chest.

"Do you want to talk about the nightmare?" he whispered.

"I was standing in the cemetery," I whispered. "All of you thought I was dead. You were burying me next to Charlie and Renee. I kept trying to tell you that I wasn't dead but none of you could hear me."

"Oh," whispered Edward. "I'm sorry I couldn't wake you up sooner."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," I whispered. "What time are we doing the webcams?"

"As soon as you are ready," whispered Edward.

"Then I'm ready now," I said, rolling onto my back.

Edward helped me sit up a little more before he opened my laptop and got the camera up. A few minutes later, Emmett, Rose, Jasper, Alice, Garrett, Kate, Ben, and Angela filled the screen. They all looked tired. Emmett's eyes were a little red and I knew he had been crying.

"Wow, you all look like shit," I chuckled softly.

"You do too," chuckled Emmett.

"I know I do," I said. "So what's the news from school?"

"The big news is that Lauren and Tyler are going out," said Kate.

"Ugh, she can do so much better than that loser," I chuckled.

"We told her the same thing but she insists that he's changed," chuckled Angela. "I let him know that I would be watching him and if at anytime, I think he's treating her wrong , I would personally kick his ass."

"Aw, Angela," I said, pretending to wipe the tear from my eye. "I have taught you so much."

"I try," she chuckled softly.

"So what else have I missed?" I asked.

"Besides Seth and Tanya getting caught making out in the janitor's closet," snickered Garrett. My mouth fell open.

"No way," I said.

"Yep," he chuckled. "It was awesome. Leah caught them. From what we heard, Seth had his hand under Tanya's skirt while she had her hand down the front of his pants."

"Wow," I chuckled. "Go Seth. You knew the kid had it in him."

"He was quite embarrassed about it all," chuckled Jasper. "Especially after Leah reamed him a new one in front of the entire school and called their mom."

"Leah's one to talk," I scoffed.

"That's what we said," chuckled Rose.

"What about Leah?" asked Edward.

"Last year, Leah and Jacob got caught in the backseat of her car at lunch. Jacob had snuck down from La Push, skipping his morning classes, and lured her into the back seat of her car. No one would have noticed anything if they hadn't been rocking the car so much her alarm system went off," I explained. Everyone busted out laughing.

"Oh man, her dad was so fucking pissed off," laughed Ben. "He came charging up to the school and demanded to speak to Jacob. He came out of the office with his face beat red. Old Harry just glared at him for about five minutes before he said 'Were you trying to destroy her car?' Jacob just stammered out that he was didn't mean to. Leah and Jacob ended up grounded for the rest of the school year."

"That's awesome," chuckled Alice. "Nothing cool like this happened at our old school."

"Oh I don't know about that, Alice," chuckled Edward. "Or did you forget about Simon."

"Oh shit, I did forget about him," chuckled Alice.

"Who's Simon?" asked Jasper.

"Simon Baker was a boy in our class who got caught jerking off in the boys locker room," said Alice with a smile. I snapped my eyes onto Emmett's as his widened.

"BELLA, NO!" snapped Emmett. I smiled evilly. "Please don't, Bella."

"Em," I said. "I think they deserve to know."

"Bella, if you love me at all, then you won't tell," begged Emmett.

"Fine, Emmett," I said, sharing a look with Jasper. "I won't tell them."

"Emmett got caught getting himself off freshman year on the bus home from our first football game," chuckled Jasper.

"JAS!" bellowed Emmett as his face turned bright red.

"Em?" asked Alice.

"Yeah, Alice?" muttered Emmett.

"Feel the need to explain anything?" she asked.

"I hate you, Jas," mumbled Emmett.

"I know," smirked Jasper.

"Fine," sighed Emmett. "As a freshman I didn't get to play much so I got to watch Rose cheer…..a lot. By the end of the game, I was rock hard and starting to hurt so I thought I would take care of it. I wouldn't have gotten caught if Newton hadn't been perving on me."

"Emmett, that's disturbing," chuckled Edward.

"It's not like you've never done it," grumbled Emmett.

"Not on a bus with twenty other people," snickered Edward.

"Ewwwww," whined Alice. "I didn't need to know you do that, Eddie."

"Alice, don't call me Eddie," snapped Edward.

"Or what, Eddie," she smirked.

"Or I'll tell Jasper about third grade," threatened Edward. Alice gasped as her eyes went wide.

"Please don't, Edward," begged Alice.

"Please do," said me, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, Angela, Garrett, Ben, and Kate.

"Well, when we were in the third grade, Alice went through an interesting phase," said Edward.

"Which was?" I asked.

"She thought she was a boy," chuckled Edward. I looked from him to Alice.

"See, I thought because I didn't have my boobs yet that I must be a boy. So I cut my hair short like Eddie's," she said, making a point to enunciate the hated nickname, causing him to scowl while the rest of us laughed. "I insisted that everyone call me Alex and I refused to wear my clothes. I wore Edward's clothes instead."

"Including my underwear," said Edward. We all gasped and busted out laughing. Well, except for Alice, who was pouting. But I mean, come on, that shits funny.

"Sometimes, I really hate you, Edward," chuckled Alice as she finally laughed with us.

"I love you too, Alice," smirked Edward. We all calmed down and I laid my head on Edward's shoulder.

"So tomorrow's the big day," I said after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah," said Emmett. I saw Rose wrap her arm around him as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"Are you nervous, Emmett?" asked Kate.

"A little bit," he said softy. "I'm mostly scared that it won't work."

"Me too," I said softly. I could feel my eyes start to water as they filled up with tears. Edward grabbed my hand and held it tight.

"What's it been like, Bella?" asked Garrett, quietly. "I mean I've been reading you blog but what's it really been like?"

"Like living in hell," I said as a tear slipped down my face. "I feel like I'm living in a prison. I'm so tired that I can barely find the strength to move sometimes. My entire body aches from the chemo. I thought it was bad before we started the conditioning, but that was nothing compared to what I feel right now."

"Oh," whispered Garrett.

"Yeah," I whispered softly. "But hopefully I'll be out of here in a couple weeks and get to go home."

"That'd be cool," said Ben.

"Well we should go," said Rose. "Em and I have to be at the hospital at six a.m."

"Oh," I whispered. "I love you all."

"Love you," they all said back. Everyone but Emmett cut out their cameras off.

"Bella," he whispered as Rose slipped out of the shot. I raised my hand to the screen. He raised his up to mine. "I love you, sis. I'm…"

"I love you, too, Em," I whispered through my tears. "Be careful tomorrow, ok? Don't try to be a big man and do more than what you know can, ok?"

"I promise," said Emmett. "Try to hold on, ok?"

"I'm trying really hard, Em," I sobbed softly. "Thank you, Em."

"Hey, anything, anytime, remember?" he cried softly.

"I remember," I sobbed. "Love you, Emmy."

"Love you, Belly," he whispered before the screen went blank.

Edward shut my laptop and slid the table away. He tightened his arms around me and held me as I cried myself to sleep praying that Emmett would be ok. Praying that I would be ok.

I was sitting at my piano. Losing myself in the music as I let my finger glide over the keys. I couldn't focus on anything but the music that was in my head. I played the last note and let out the breath I had been holding.

"Bravo," sang a woman's voice behind me. I turned to see my mother standing behind me. "That was magnificent."

"Thanks," I said. "Why are you here?"

"I don't know," she said. "Why don't you tell me?"

"How should I know?" I asked.

"This is your dream, Sweetheart," said Renee. She came over and sat next to me on the piano. She placed her fingers on the keys and started playing. "You used to love it when I played.. While I was pregnant, of course."

"I did?" I asked.

"Yes," she said with a beautiful smile. "You would calm down as soon as I started playing. Now, Emmett, on the other hand, not so much."

"Am I going to die?" I asked, suddenly.

"I don't know, my Isabella," she said softly. She turned and faced me. "I wish I could tell you that you would be ok, but I don't know."

"Is dying scary?" I asked.

"No," she said. "It's like falling asleep and waking up in the happiest moment of your life."

"What was yours?" I asked.

"The moment I met you father" she said so softly I barely heard her. "I was walking across it campus with my roommate, Didmye, when I saw my best friend, Marcus, walking toward me with the most handsome man I had ever seen. He was spectacular. Marcus introduced us and Charlie looked up at me. His face turned a light pink. It was adorable. He was so shy, I thought he would never get a word out. I chuckled as I placed my hand on his shoulder and told him, 'Honey, no need to be nervous. I don't bite too hard, unless you want me to.' His face turned bright red and I swear, his eyes started to sparkle a little. I couldn't help but laugh. He started laughing with me and I knew I was in love with him."

"Wow," I said. "Who knew Charlie was so shy?"

"Oh, he used to be," said Renee. She sighed contently. "I missed so much."

"I'm really scared," I said.

"I know you are," she said. "But Charlie and I are here with you. We will never leave you. You have so much love from Emmett and Edward. Not to mention the rest of your family. Just try to hold on."

"I will," I whispered. I leaned my head on her shoulder. "Play for me again?"

"Anytime," whispered Renee.

I closed my eyes and listened as the room filled with the most incredible music.

I snapped my eyes open and looked around. My tears were falling down my face as I found myself back in my hospital room, completely alone again. The lights were off, leaving just the glow of the lights from the hallway. I wiped the tears away and pulled my laptop back over to me. I quickly pulled up my blog site.

TRANSPLANT DAY

Today is the day that will make or break me. Today is
the day that I receive the marrow that will hopefully
save my life. I'm scared for my brother. I know that
the risks to the donor are minimal but there are still
risks. I'm scared for my family who had been anxiously
waiting for this moment for the past couple weeks.

I worry about how they will handle my death, if I do die.
Will they forget me? Will they be able to move on with
their lives? Will is be like I was never here?

But most of all, I'm scared for myself. I know that seems
selfish but I can't help but worry that I am going to die.
I can't help but wonder what it will feel like to die. What
heaven looks like, or if there even is a heaven. Does it make
me morbid to wonder about the what ifs?