Now that Quidditch season was over it was time to crack down on studying. Exams were only two weeks away for the first years and even the other Marauders reluctantly agreed they needed to start actually reading their text books and practicing spells. Remus helped them as much as he could though grew quite irked when they began calling him Professor Lupin. Of course he was quite unaware of how teacher-y his voice got whenever he lectured them.

"I think it's cute," Lily said on Monday evening as they walked to the library and he finished grumbling about his friends. "Professor Lupin."

His cheeks burned. "S'not cute."

"It is, especially since you're so much smaller than all of them and they just sat around you in a semi-circle like little kids in the common room earlier!" Lily giggled a bit.

"I'm not small!" he protested. "I'm perfectly average." Lily stopped in her tracks, raising her eyebrows at him. "Okay f-fine. I am... a little below average." Her eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hairline. He folded his arms, glaring. "All right, all right, I'm small! Happy?"

"Immensely."

They began walking again. "Personally I think everyone's just unnaturally tall." He glanced over at her. He hadn't really noticed before she had grown quite a bit since the first years' Quidditch game several months ago, the time he had taken note of her height. He knew he had gotten at least a little bit taller judging by the state of some of his clothes. Most were still too baggy however a few pairs of trousers had a tiny bit of a gap at the cuffs.

Lily just grinned. "Whatever you say, Professor Lupin."

()

When Remus returned to his dorm that night the second he stepped in he fell. Or rather, bounced a bit until he ended up on his butt. The other Marauders were bouncing about, shooting spells at each other as they tumbled through the air. Remus stuck close to the wall, remembering what they said Peter had done. He knew he would regret teaching them the spell however they'd be learning it anyway. "If Spinnet comes in, he'll assume you did it Saturday," Remus pointed out, edging his way towards his bed. None of the furniture had been enchanted so he used that to maneuver through the room until he got to his own bed, sitting cross-legged in the center.

Sirius made his way over, landing roughly on Remus's bed, shaking the entire thing. "Oofah. So? Spinnet's a twit, who cares what he thinks. Besides, everyone knows we were at the game so what's he going to do? Tell McGonsie?"

"I wasn't at the game," Remus pointed out.

"Yes, but you're the most innocent one out of all of us." Sirius flashed a smile. "McGonsie would never believe you did such a thing."

Remus wasn't so sure about that. He had been in the least trouble out of all four of them however he doubted McGonagall would just assume his innocence. "I'm friends with you lot, she'd figure out I did it."

"Guilt by friendship?" Sirius asked with a laugh.

Remus grinned back. "Guilt by association is a thing people ascribe to, Sirius."

"Words, Remy; use English please."

"I am using English!" Remus groaned. "What part of that did you not understand?"

Sirius just shrugged. "I understood it, it just sounded nerdy so I want to pretend that I didn't." He winked at Remus who rolled his eyes. "Does this make me a nerd by association?"

Remus glanced at his friend, taking in his noble beauty, then quickly looked away. "I doubt anyone would ever think of you as a nerd."

James fell onto Remus's bed and Peter followed suit, leg smacking against Remus. "Whoops! Sorry," Pete laughed.

"Remy's right," James said breathlessly. "Don't want to raise suspicion, then we'll probably be blamed for Operation BounceIt." He glowered at Sirius. "Which is still the crappiest name ever."

"Hey, we all agreed we'd pick whatever name you pulled from the pile, and you pulled mine," Sirius said, flipping his hair back. "You're just a sore loser. Operation BounceIt is brilliant."

James got rid of the spongify spell on the floor then Peter went to his desk to get a box of Every Flavor Beans for them to eat while they talked, still on Remus's bed for some reason. They each reached into the box, blindly pulling one then guessing what they got. Remus's was sort of yellowy-white. "Rotten egg," he said immediately.

"No, that's pee," Sirius said. "Pee on toilet paper."

Remus began gagging before he even put the bean in his mouth. "You're so disgusting."

"Petey, mate, that's definitely unicorn vomit," Sirius said gravely.

Peter looked at the pink and red bean. "N... no it's strawberry."

"Unicorn vomit."

"Strawberry!"

"Eat it, then."

Peter just looked at it again then shook his head. "You are disgusting."

"You're a wimp, you're both wimps," Sirius said then turned to James who cocked his head. "That is, without a doubt, the slime from a Slytherin bathroom."

James studied the pale green bean. "I wasn't going to let you get to me but man that's a rancid thought."

Sirius popped his bean in his mouth then threw his arms up in victory before gagging loudly. "Merlin!" he moaned, tears coming to his eyes. "I think that was horseradish." But he swallowed it anyway, just to prove he could.

James ate his, nose crinkling up. "I think it's some sort of... maybe leaves? Or grass? It's really earthy and gross."

"Yeah, mine's rotten egg," Remus said, forcing it down his throat. "Urgh."

Peter was beaming as he chewed his. "I was right. It is strawberry. All right so since Remy's back let's study again."

"We were studying," James said, digging another bean out. "We were practicing spells." He squinted at the pink color. "Maybe this is the unicorn vomit." He chewed it thoughtfully then spat it out in his hand. "Nope. Some kind of fish."

Remus picked the box up curiously. "Is there even a unicorn vomit flavored one?"

"There should be," Sirius said, pulling a black and white bean out. "I'm going to write to Bertie suggesting it. They should do a line around magical creatures. Unicorn vomit. Merfolk poop. Ooh, blood and garlic mixed flavor for vampires!"

"There's already a blood one," Peter said.

Sirius popped his bean in his mouth, ignoring Peter. "Raw meat for werewolves." He was looking at Remus when he said that. Right at Remus. A horrible icicle speared through his body and his skin began crawling. Time seemed to slow down for Remus. Blood pounded in his head and he began to grow dizzy. He just said... he looked at me and said... He did his best to keep his breathing steady, time returning to normal as Sirius continued with, "Fire for ashwinders. I think this is newspaper flavored."

Okay it was just... he didn't mean it, Remus thought as he picked apart another bean, smelling a trace of something rather insect-y. He took a nibble then spit it out. "Earthworm, I th-think." His heart was still racing, still felt Sirius's eyes on him as he said werewolves. Sirius looked at all of them though so-he hadn't really meant anything by it, right? Coincidence. A terrible, awful coincidence. After all Sirius was still sitting next to him, his knee just bumping against Remus's knee. As always, if he knew he wouldn't be like this with me, he wouldn't be so close. He calmed down mostly, though continued to feel a little uneasy.

He tested it out by adjusting his position, his leg flush against Sirius's leg. Sirius didn't react or say anything, he definitely didn't pull away from the contact. There, see? He definitely doesn't know. Though for some reason Sirius's heart was going a little faster now, not quite at the frantic rate Remus's had been a moment before but it was still kinda weird.

"Oh-Merlin-no-that one was vomit!" James cried out, spitting the bean onto Remus's bedspread, ignoring Remus's protests.

"How come Pete's the only one getting the good ones?" Sirius demanded as Peter had triumphantly announced he had gotten a banana-and-peanut-butter one. "Cheater. You are SUCH a cheater!"

"No, I'm just good at picking yummy beans."

"Eat another one then."

Peter pulled out a white bean.

"Onions," Sirius said.

"Cauliflower," James suggested.

"Toilet paper," Remus decided.

Peter ate it, face scrunched up, then began smiling. "Nope! Vanilla ice cream."

He shrieked as all three of them pounded him with pillows.

()

Raw meat for werewolves. Remus rolled over in his bed, pulling his pillow over his head. Raw meat for werewolves with those silver eyes piercing into him. No, he thought miserably, it was a coincidence that's all, completely a coincidence. He mentioned other monster. Other creatures. Unicorn, vampire. He was looking at Pete when he said unicorn vomit, he's not accusing Pete of being a unicorn, so it's not like he said that to me.

Once he finally got to sleep he had nightmares, waking up with cries of fear. Not screams, at least, however his voice still woke Sirius up. No, no, no! he thought as Sirius came over, came into the bed, asking if he was okay.

"Y-yeah, I'll b-be fine." He gave Sirius a shaky smile. "I d-don't even remember what it was about." Raw meat for werewolves. Why did you say that? Why did you look at me when you said that? He brushed his hair from his eyes, shifting a little closer to Sirius to once again reassure himself Sirius didn't know.

Sirius actually leaned in closer, putting a hand on his shoulder. "If you ever need to talk about anything, I don't mind," he said gently. "If you don't want anyone else knowing what your nightmares are about I won't tell anyone. I can keep a secret."

Remus's heart seized up. "I r-really don't remember," he lied. He's touching my shoulder, so he doesn't know. Why did you look at me when you said werewolves? He wanted to demand answers, shake Sirius until he admitted whether he knew anything or not. "I'm okay, I'm feeling a-a little better now."

"Okay. G'nite, then, and if you need anything-"

"Yes, th-thank you."

Sirius left Remus's bed and Remus curled up, clutching at his hair, feeling terrified. He had Occlumency in the evening so Fawley would be seeing all this, she might have better insight on the whole thing. Raw meat for werewolves. Remus twisted his body into as small as ball as possible, wishing once more he had Gwyllgi with him.

()

He felt like someone had put a jelly brains curse on him as he shuffled his way through Tuesday. He decided that he'd just show Fawley the memory before they started practicing, to see for sure what she thought of it. However when he went into the fourth floor room she wanted to talk to him first about something.

"I heard about a rather spectacular prank on Saturday," she said after he settled down. "Someone-or someones-spongified the entire entrance hall?" She had an amused smile on her face. "Who could have done that?"

Remus smiled faintly, pulling his feet up onto the couch. "Not my friends," he said, watching her expression change to surprise. "They were at the-the Quidditch game. So... it was j-just me."

She began laughing. "Just you?"

"Yes." He explained to her that it hadn't even occurred to him to do something until after the game started, mentioning what his friends had told him about the results. Then he went on to tell her about Operation BounceIt since she'd see anyway, admitting they weren't sure whether to do it at the feast or after. "We'll probably do after."

"That sounds like a good idea," she agreed. "I always really enjoyed the end of the year feasts, except my last one. I cried at my last one." She ran her fingers through her hair. "It was quite emotional. Now, shall we begin?"

"Actually..." He chewed nervously at his lip. "I needed t-to talk to you about something. Um, something that happened last night. M-might be easier if I showed you."

Fawley put her hands on his head as he dredged up the short memory. Watching it again he thought it was coincidence. He had been looking right at Peter when he mentioned the unicorns and merfolk, then right at James for the vampire one. He said this after she came out of his head, then explained to her that he had tested Sirius by being close to him, touching him, and Sirius hadn't even batted an eyelash.

Fawley nodded solemnly, brow furrowed as she thought. "It is... a strange coincidence. However, I am inclined to agree with you. If he did know it would be strange that he did not mind physical contact, his family is the sort to really push the savage beast image. I admit after I found out about my sister it took me a while to feel comfortable enough to touch her." She gave a rather distant sort of sad sigh. "Thank Merlin I got over that, however I believe you're right. He probably doesn't know. However, he might suspect. Perhaps he said that to sort of provoke a reaction from you?"

"I'm th-thinking about... asking th-them what they... th-think..."

"What?"

Remus shrank back a little pulling the collar of his vest up around his mouth. "Not just werewolves. S-sort of a general werewolf, v-vampire, other things like that. Make it sound like I'm looking into st-stuff for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Or History." He had seen in his book that either Thursday or Tuesday of next week they'd be going over the Werewolf Code of Conduct. His stomach churned thinking about that. At least Binns didn't know he was a werewolf. "Maybe History. I'll-I'll talk about the code of c-conduct maybe."

"Are you all right?"

Remus couldn't help but snort. "Sirius keeps asking me that like, almost every day. No, I'm n-not. I don't think I am." He surprised himself by saying that, then even more by saying, "I'm scared."

"Of what Black said?"

"Yes," he whispered, pulling the collar up even more. "I'm scared he does suspect. I'm scared of losing them as friends, if he does I'll have to cut them out of my life." For some reason he thought about when he had been burnt and washed away his dead flesh. He imagined washing away the Marauders and it made him want to cry. His nose began itching. "I care about them. More-more than I sh-should."

"I told you-"

"I know," he choked out, turning away from her, glad she couldn't see the tears welling up though he knew perfectly well she could hear it. "I'm stupid. I-... I don't know. I'm p-probably overreacting, I t-tend to do that. Overthink things. Maybe he doesn't suspect."

Fawley gave a slow nod. "Maybe. Perhaps he doesn't at all."

It sounded very false to both of them and Remus pressed his hands against his face. He suspects, he knew in his heart that Sirius suspected. "If he-even if he suspects wh-why would he t-touch me? He p-put his hand on my sh-shoulder l-la-last night!" The two thoughts were at complete odds. Miles apart. He-he truly felt that Sirius suspected but... why would he touch Remus?! Why would he still be pleasant? Smiling, joking, teasing, touching!?

Fawley's hand rested on Remus's arm. "I don't know, dear. I really don't know."

Remus edged away from her, curling up against the armrest, clutching his stomach. "I'll... deal with it when we come back in September," he whispered. "I'll end things then. I'll-I'll n-not write to them over the s-summer and-and figure it out-what to say-when we c-come back to school." He saw them standing in front of him as he said he wasn't interested in being friends anymore. That he realized over the summer they simply had nothing in common. He wanted to just focus on school, nothing else, and their dumb pranks were getting in the way of his education.

He felt physically ill thinking the words 'dumb pranks' together.

He felt even worse thinking about cutting them out. But he had to.

"Remus," she said as he began crying softly.

"It's my own fault," he said, trying to gulp air in. "I shouldn't have given in, sh-shouldn't have become friends." Raw meat for werewolves, Sirius said, looking directly at Remus. But then, the hand on the shoulder. He clutched at his head, tugging at his hair. "I'm so stupid. My father was r-right-"

"Remus!"

"He w-w-was r-right. Mum's right. Maybe I shouldn't c-come back."

He suspected, he'd find out, he'd tell. Remus couldn't breathe very well as he saw in his head the Ministry coming after him, of Sirius pointing at him with an accusing finger. He let out a choking sob. He had to stop the suspicions somehow.

"Remus Lupin you stop that right now." He sucked in some air, startled a little by the tone in her voice. She looked quite angry. "You deserve to stay in school."

He wasn't so sure about that, sure about anything anymore except his own stupidity.

"Don't let this stop you."

How could he change it? How could he suddenly get Sirius to stop suspecting?! He couldn't say anything! He'd have to do something. But... how did you do something to make someone stop suspecting you're a werewolf especially when you are a werewolf?

"You're an incredibly intelligent young man!"

He couldn't exactly be around during a full moon, so it'd have to be something else. Something for Sirius to see that would abolish all possibility of Remus being a werewolf. Something a werewolf would never do. Or... touch...?

"Don't you dare just give-"

"I know what I can do." He sat upright suddenly, eyes going wide. "I know how to-to get rid of any suspicion Sirius might have! I n-need your help though, um, I c-can pay you back though. I need something that looks pure silver but isn't at all. I can-like, a necklace or something? I can be like, look at this necklace my mum gave me, it's pure silver-or something, and then it wouldn't burn me but-they'll think it's silver and see it d-doesn't burn me and-then they'd know I'm not a werewolf!" He said all of this a little bit fast, words tumbling out of his mouth.

Fawley grinned from ear to ear. "Now that's more like the Remus I've come to known over the past year. Of course I'll help you."

Remus forced himself to say the next words. "Then when sch-school starts again I'll just... kinda... c-cut them out of my life." Something squeezed his heart, a powerful pain deep in his chest. He did his best to ignore it. "That will work." Maybe he could talk to Dumbledore about splitting up the dorms. Him, Spinnet, and Struthers in one, the Marauders in the other. Spinnet probably wouldn't like sharing with Remus but-maybe that could work. Maybe. That would further push Remus away from the others.

"Do you think you're up for practicing tonight?" she asked.

He wanted to say yes, he needed to. But he knew he couldn't. He felt so completely drained of everything that he wouldn't be able to even try to fight against her intrusion. "No. S-sorry. I... sorry."

"It's fine, I understand. I'll get the 'silver' item to you as soon as possible."

"Thank you so much. I-I can't even begin to thank you for everything." Not even for the necklace but for everything she did for him. Even though she had misconceptions of his father she was such a good, kind person. He hoped he could repay her somehow. He wanted to hug her but wasn't sure if she would be okay with that. "G-goodnight, Miss Fawley."

He left the room, a few more tears dripping down as he thought about what he would have to do when his second year began. He didn't want to hurt them but he had to. For his own safety. He probably should cut things off with Lily too. Stop going to study group. Go back to how he was at the beginning of the school year, just... stay by himself.

No friends.

Nothing.