57

EPOV

"Edward, you can't go in to see Bella today," said Chloe as she came out of Bella's room.

"What? Why?" I asked.

"She's running a fever," said Chloe. I felt my knees go weak and my breath catch in my chest. "She has an infection and we can't let too many people in with her right now. Dr. Cullen is staying with her and we've given her some meds to try to break the fever as well as some antibiotics to fight the infection."

"Will she be ok?" I asked through my tears.

"I don't know," whispered Chloe. "I really hope so but her immune system is very weak right now. Carlisle told me to have you call your mother."

"Ok," I whispered. "Take care of her, Chloe. She's my life."

"I know, Edward," whispered Chloe. "We will do everything we can. I promise."

"I know," I whispered as a tear slipped down my face. Chloe left and I pulled out my cell phone and called my mother.

"Hello," said Esme.

"Mom," I choked out through the lump in my throat.

"Edward, what's wrong?" she asked, urgently

"It's Bella," I whispered. I heard Esme inhale sharply. "She has an infection."

"Oh no," whispered Esme. "I'll be right there, Edward. You stay strong for her, do you hear me?"

"Mom, I can't lose her. I can't handle it if I lose her," I cried into the phone.

"Edward, I will be right there. You have to stay strong," said Esme, before she hung up.

I closed my phone and went over to the window and watched as Carlisle sponged off Bella's forehead. She had been so strong over the past couple weeks. I watched as the chemo destroyed what little strength she had left but she never stopped smiling. She never stopped trying to make this easier for me, Emmett, or the others.

She poured all her fears and feelings into her blog, even though she knew we were all following it. That was her way of talking to us without really having to say it. She even found the strength to reach out to others that responded to her blog. Especially Tricia. Bella told me that she felt that this was her chance to help someone with the emotional and psychological struggles of dealing with cancer. My love for my beautiful wife grew in that moment. She was selfless and completely amazing. I couldn't lose her now.

I knocked on the window. Carlisle looked up and I swear he sighed behind his mask. He pulled out a piece of paper from Bella's notebook and quickly wrote a note on it before he came over to the window.

I'm doing everything I can, Edward. I promise to do everything I can.

Will it be enough? I wrote back in my own notebook.

I hope so, son.

I placed my hand on the window as I felt my mother wrap her arms around me. I turned into her arms and let my body shake as my tears fall freely. I didn't care if it was unmanly to cry. That was my wife in there. Esme pulled me over to the waiting room and into a couple of seats. I laid my head in her lap like I would when I was little and just cried. She never said anything as she ran her fingers through my hair.

I'm not sure how long we stayed like that before Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice came running into the waiting room. I couldn't even find the strength to look up at them right now.

"Is she ok?" asked Emmett, slightly out of breath from running. I could almost hear the tears as they fell down his face.

"No," said Esme. "She has an infection and is running a fairly high fever. She's very sick right now."

"What is Carlisle doing for her?" asked Rose. I heard them all sit down around us. I felt someone put their hand on my back and knew it was Alice.

"They gave her some meds to try to break the fever along with her antibiotics," I said. "He was trying to cool her off."

"Why the hell aren't you in there with her?" grumbled Emmett. I sat up and looked at him. He was glaring at me.

"Because he fucking wouldn't let me," I snapped. "If you don't think I would rather be the one holding her then you are just a fucking idiot."

"Everyone calm down," said Esme. "Emmett, Carlisle won't let anyone in or out of that room until they get her fever to break. The less people she is in contact with right now the better. Now, I know this is hard on everyone but we have to keep it together for Bella. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah," whispered Emmett. "Sorry, Edward. I'm just scared."

"I know, Em," I said softly. "I'm sorry too. I'm scared too."

We fell into a restless silence as we waited for news about Bella. I barely heard as the others whispered to each other about calling a few people at school and letting them know. Right now, all I could do is think about Bella and how much she needed me but I couldn't be in there with her. I hated feeling so helpless. I hated feeling so useless and weak.

Every once in while I would hear one of the of the others mutter under their breath about it taking too long to know anything. While I agreed with them, I knew it wasn't going to help to bitch about it. I just sat with my head in my hands as I waited. I felt someone kneel down in front of me and put their hand on my back. I looked up and saw Nick and Megan, a dark haired woman with soft blue eyes.

"It's ok, Edward," whispered Nick.

"I want to believe you, Nick," I whispered through my tears. "But she's so weak right now."

"I know," he whispered. "Lets go for a walk."

"I can't leave," I said, shaking my head.

"We won't be far," said Nick. "Esme will call if something comes up. You need to come with me."

"Ok," I sighed. I stood up and hugged Megan. "It's nice to see you again, Megan."

"You too, Edward," she whispered. "Go with Nick. I've got Esme."

"Thank you," I whispered.

I followed Nick over to the elevator. We took it down to the lobby and headed outside of the hospital. We walked around for a few minutes before we just settled on a bench.

"So how are you doing?" asked Nick. "Besides, today."

"Not great," I said. "I can't sleep. I'm lucky if I pull off a couple hours but I can't get comfortable in bed without her there. I just lay awake all night thinking about how much she needs me."

"She does need you, Edward," said Nick. "But she needs you at full strength."

"I'm trying," I said. "But I can't sleep. She's so weak, man."

"Oh, I know," said Nick.

"How did you do it?" I asked. "How did you find the strength to do it alone?"

"I wasn't alone," said Nick. "Carlisle and Esme were with me every step of the way. Esme would come and spend everyday with me. She was the one who held me while I was sick for months before we even started the conditioning for my transplant. She held me while I cried and screamed at her. She held me when I begged her to make the pain stop. She shaved my head for me when it started to fall out. Carlisle talked me through every chemo treatment. When we started the conditioning they were the ones who were there for me just like you are there for Bella."

"I didn't know that," I said.

"I know," said Nick. "You were just a kid, Edward. You were already struggling enough with me being too sick to teach you the piano anymore, even if you didn't need me anymore. I asked them not to tell you. I didn't want you to feel like I was taking your parents from you."

"I wouldn't have," I said. "Alice and I have been around cancer patients enough to know what they need. Carlisle and Esme are amazingly kind with every one of them."

"Yeah, they are," said Nick. "But your Bella is different, even for them. They love her as their own. I've never heard them talk about anyone the way they talk about her, besides you and Alice anyway."

"That's just Bella," I chuckled. "She's amazing. She's so smart. I mean, she learned how to play the guitar from a book for god sakes. She's so beautiful and sexy. She's kind and generous. When I watch her sing, she gets this look of pure joy on her face."

"Wow, you have it pretty bad," chuckled Nick.

"I do," I said. "I knew I was in love with her the moment I saw her. She was like an angel sent from heaven to me. I can't lose her now. I can't live without her."

"I know," whispered Nick as he pulled me into his arms and let me cry. "You have to hold on to her. You have to try to hold on for her."

"I'm trying," I cried.

Nick didn't say anything else. We sat on the bench for a few more minutes before I managed to stop my tears from falling. I wiped the tears off my face and we headed back inside. I took my seat next to Esme, while she introduced Nick and Megan to everyone. As soon as they learned that he had been through the transplant process, they started bombarding him with questions. I just laid my head back on the wall and closed my eyes as he answered each and everyone of them.

I was sitting at my piano, letting my fingers glide over the keys. I'm not even sure what song I was playing. It almost felt like the music was just flowing from my fingers. I could hear everyone milling around the house in the background. Emmett and Rose were watching some movie from the den. Alice and Jasper were on the computer, doing some online shopping I guess. Carlisle and Esme were in the kitchen. The only person missing was my Bella. I heard a noise behind me and stopped playing as I turned around. Renee was standing in the doorway with a smile on her face.

"Renee?" I asked.

"Hello, Edward," she said softly. She came over and sat down on the bench next to me. "You play beautifully."

"Um, thank you," I said. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," said Renee. "I've been worried about you."

"Oh," I said. "I'm ok."

"No, you're not," she chuckled. "You need my Isabella to make you ok."

"I do," I said as Renee started playing the piano. "Is she going to die?"

"I don't know," said Renee. "I wish I did."

"Oh," I said. "I wish you did too."

"Edward, you really love my Isabella, don't you?" asked Renee.

"Yes, I do," I said.

"Why?" asked Renee as she stopped playing the piano and turned and looked at me.

"Why do I love Bella," I said. "Well besides that fact that she's amazing and beautiful, she makes me feel like I can do anything. She gave me the strength to follow my dreams. She makes me want to be a better man."

"She does all that?" asked Renee.

"And more," I said. "Her strength and courage through all of this is inspiring. Even when she's so tired that she can barely keep her eyes open, her first concern is about me or Emmett, Rose, Jasper, or Alice. She's my hero."

"Mine too," laughed Renee as she stood up. She held out her hand to me. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"I don't know," said Renee. "I just know you are supposed to come with me."

"What about my family?" I asked as I stood up.

"They will be ok," said Renee. "They have each other."

"Are you sure?" I asked. I could hear them all laughing together in the kitchen.

"Yes," said Renee. She was still holding her hand out to me. "Do you trust me, Edward?"

"Yes," I said.

"Then come on," said Renee.

I placed my hand in hers and followed her out of the house. The door shut behind us and we made our way out into the yard. It was exceptionally bright outside. I squinted as we walked into the blinding light. I felt the warmth of the light surround me like a warm summer day. I heard a giggle behind me. I looked around and gasped softly.

"Bella."