Chapter 4 - Scheming Contrivance
If there was one thing Hannibal Smith couldn't plan around, it was uncertainty.
But hospitals were full of morbid uncertainty, along with the element of surprise - both of which continued to plague him as he hurried down the corridor. Adding to it was his uncanny knack to conjure up different scenarios to explain exactly why he was here in the first place, which ranged from a few stitches and a tetanus shot, to a couple of extra bodies in the chilly morgue.
They'd told him nothing of course; no information as to why he was here and the wheels were racing in his always-planning head. If it hadn't been for the 'No Smoking' signs plastered everywhere, he would've lit up an El Capitan cigar right then and there, in the midst of a full alarm, adrenaline-fueled nicotine fit.
As he passed the doorway of an ICU room, he suddenly stopped at the sound of a familiar voice. He listened further to the rhythmic heartbeat from the nearby monitors and counted the rhythm. Relieved at the steady beat, he looked to the ceiling and gave a silent thank you to the forces that were a bit higher than that.
On entering, he stopped in the doorway - and finally seeing the half-crooked smile on his comrade's face brought on a sigh of relief. He went by unnoticed as Face's gentle laughter filled the room, and it'd convinced him that he'd been in caring hands, as the woman at his bedside kept vigil as his comrade drifted off to sleep.
He finally approached and laid his hand on her shoulder. She'd reached up to hold it, then patted his leather glove and abruptly looked up in surprise.
"Hey there, kid." He didn't smile just yet. "Fancy meeting you here."
"Hannibal!" She darted to her feet and tucked her arms behind her back, resisting the urge to hug him. "You're here already? How-"
"Hold on, at ease there." He held his hand out, motioning her to calm down. "I'll tell you in a minute, but first thing's first - what happened to Face?"
"Murdock told me there was a snake in the cockpit of their transport plane, it bit him mid-flight"
"A snakebite?" One scenario he hadn't even thought of. It was a far cry from the visions of bullet holes, broken bones, death certificates.
"Yeah, it was hiding under the floorboard panels, then... " She mimicked a chomping bite motion with her hand, explaining, "They said he's highly allergic to the venom, and that it's unusual to be affected like this but Murdock flew him here in time before any permanent damage was done. He was pretty out of it just before you got here."
"A snakebite..." Hannibal repeated yet again as he watched his clammy comrade unconsciously snuffle. Finally the corner of his mouth quirked upwards in a half-smile. "Out of it, huh? Uh oh... how was he?"
"He was... Face." She knowingly smiled. "I told him the nurse out there might be a little more receptive than me."
"Oh, her." He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, she's a keeper. By the way, if anyone asks, I'm your Uncle Smith. Now, where's Murdock?"
"Well, Uncle Smith," she teased, quite amused at the thought. "They don't allow overnight helo parking here, so he took my bird back to your place. He said he'd be back soon with B.A.'s van and he didn't want to leave Face all alone, so here I am."
"Thanks for staying with him." The worry lines on Hannibal's brow relaxed and the light in his eyes returned. "Good to see you. It's been awhile, hasn't it?"
"Yes, it has." She finally decided decorum could take a hike and reached out to give him a fierce hug. "Three weeks this time, I was beginning to really worry." She quickly pulled back and looked up at him with a teasing glimmer. "I hope Stockwell pays you all overtime."
"Hah!" His sarcastic laugh followed, knowing his overtime pay was the fact that they weren't all dead. "We hit a rough patch down there this time, but we stayed loose and got out as soon as we could." He gestured to the unconscious Face. "I know you're the last person I need to explain about the unexpected."
She nodded, knowing all too well. "I didn't expect you to be here already, Murdock said you guys were on a boat 'til tomorrow. How...?"
"Oh yeah, I did say I was going to explain that, didn't I?" He thought about the whirlwind of activity that he'd just endured within the last hour. "Would you believe it? A Coast Guard chopper intercepted our ship and fished us out."
"Wow, a CG air-evac?" Her eyes lit up. "Was it a Sikorsky Pelican?"
"No idea, kid." Hannibal shrugged off her enthusiasm. A bird was a bird and all he knew was the jazz still racing in his soul from being long-lined from one.
"I'm guessing B.A. didn't take it well." She giggled at the thought.
He gave the perfect 'do I really need to answer that' expression, then grinned. "He took it well - in the arm. He's back in the waiting room sleeping it off. He'll probably be crankier than usual when he wakes up, so watch it."
"Thanks for the warning." She stifled a yawn, then glanced at her watch. Almost two hours late now.
Hannibal noticed her troubled expression. "Something wrong?"
She shook her head. "Nothing that I can't reschedule, just been a long day, been at it since oh-five-hundred." She noticed Hannibal shared the same weary expression and added, "Not that I'm complaining. Hey, I could use a little go-juice. You want some too? My treat."
"Sure, black. Make it a double, will ya?" He smiled appreciatively and sat down in the chair next to Face. "Thanks, kid. Hey, I'm glad you know how to adapt too."
A hint of blush appeared in her cheeks and she turned away before he noticed. "A lot of things wouldn't have worked out if I hadn't, right?"
Chopper safe in Langley vehicle bay? Check. Said chopper cleaned of Faceman's vomit? Check. Bought nourishment for myself and the partner? Check. Third hand to help carry previously mentioned before food, since the hands are full of drinks?
Denied.
"Too bad all that radiation exposure in Hong Kong didn't grow me a third hand," Murdock muttered to himself through the brown paper bag clenched between his teeth. "Sure would've come in handy right about now, hah!"
As he snickered at his own pun, three curious and now concerned elevator passengers suddenly turned around in unison and stared questioningly at him.
He quickly explained, "Uh, just practicing from a screenplay I wrote, it's a new flick in the works. It's called The Serpentine System: The Real Snakes in Washington D.C." He grinned, bag still in mouth. "So, how'd I do?"
His somewhat garbled explanation brought blank stares in response and as soon the elevator hit the next floor, they all rushed from the parting doors.
"C'mon guys, it's not that bad!" he called out in a muffled whine. "Could ya at least press floor seven for me first? Please? Aw, amateurs!"
Left alone to fend for himself, he awkwardly stood there, both his hands and mouth full. Wondering how to get moving again, he lifted his leg in crane-kick fashion and managed to mash the seventh-floor button with the toe of his Chuck Taylor sneaker. His victory yell echoed down the corridor, just before the elevator's doors closed.
"Take that, Cobra Kai!"
A quick elevator ascent later, the doors parted, and he began the trek back to the ICU room, hoping things had somewhat calmed down for the night. He heaved a sigh, and his stomach growled in response to the aroma of food under his nose.
"Soon," he muttered to his empty belly. As he approached the nearby waiting room, he instinctively turned to scan the area as he passed by.
"What the...?"
Wondering if he'd imagined it, he skidded to a halt; almost dropping the drinks in his hand. He juggled one into the crook of his elbow, took the bag out of his mouth, then backtracked a few steps and poked his head in the room.
"Well, I'll be." His eyes widened. "You really did your job for a change, Stockwell." He quickly walked over to his fellow comrade who was passed out and snoring loudly in a wheelchair.
"B.A.?" he whispered in his ear. "You awake yet, sleepyhead?"
B.A. responded with a gentle snort. Since his hands were full, Murdock tried a more direct approach than the usual shake and slap.
"Wake up, big guy, we're going down! Mayday, mayday! Mneeeerumm..."
B.A. jolted up in his seat at the loud sound of a free-falling plane and yelled, "Ah! Get that needle away from me, sucka, or you're gonna be shark bait!"
Murdock quickly pulled back before B.A.'s flailing hands could knock him upside the head, then mouthed to himself, where am I?
"Where am I?" B.A. looked around, confused then craned his neck and found the last person he wanted to see standing behind him. "Fool, you better quit grinning and start answering!"
"Welcome back to D.C. General, B.A. Be thankful you're on the visiting side again."
"What am I doing here? What are you doing here?" B.A. balled his hand into a tight fist and raised it threateningly. "Did you fly me here?"
"No, I did not get aeronautical with you, so relax okay?" Murdock handed B.A. one of his drinks so he could push B.A.'s fist of fury back into his lap. "Put that away. Face and Ace are the only ones who've had the pleasure of reaping the rewards of my newly-restored licensed piloting skills."
"Face?" B.A. was immediately concerned and he scrunched his face in worry. Murdock bashing would have to wait. "Is he okay?"
"Had a little reptilian trouble, mate. The important thing is yes, he is on the mend. Now, if you'll hold these," Murdock handed B.A. the brown paper sack and the second drink, "we can go see him." With his hands now free, Murdock began to wheel B.A. out of the room.
"Hey, stop pushing, I can walk," B.A. grumbled in protest, then sipped at the drink. "I mean it!" His attention now distracted by the delicious aroma of food lingering under his nose, he poked his hand in the bag.
"Now, B.A., if you don't keep it down, they won't let us back there to see him." Murdock looked down to see that in a flash, B.A. had a burger unwrapped and heading straight for his mouth. "Hey, don't eat that! That was for- aw, man!" As the big guy's teeth sank into his dinner, he rolled his eyes. He was about to make a grab for the bag, but decided against it as they approached the nurse's station. He casually tried to pass by, pretending like nothing was out of the ordinary.
"Uh, sir... sir!"
Murdock quickly glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw Teige already focused on them, rising from her seat. He groaned. Double whammy.
"Sorry, Snakeboy." She jumped from her chair, then stood in front of the ICU double doors to block their way. "He can't go back there."
"Why not?" B.A. demanded through mid-chew.
"Only immediate family in ICU. You know the rules."
"He is family." Murdock insisted. "We're brothers, can't you tell?"
B.A. snickered in his burger and Teige immediately looked at them in question. "Him? You...?" She looked at Murdock, then fired an expression that clearly said 'not quite'.
"I guarantee you that he is my brother." Murdock pursed his lips, quite seriously. "I'm adopted and we have the same Mama, only she loves him more."
"I'll give you that." B.A. shrugged in somewhat of an agreement.
"Nope, I don't think so." Teige didn't budge, except her head which shook from side to side. "Sorry guys, you'll have to go back to the waiting room."
"Look, we even share the same blood type, see?" Murdock pointed to a vein on his arm. "And I used to beat him at arm wrestling all the time when we were growing up!"
"What?" B.A. protested, quite loudly. "You did not!"
"He'll never admit it, but that's what gave him the motivation to-" Murdock squeezed one of B.A.'s biceps. "It worked too - didn't it, little brother?"
"Little?" B.A. looked up to the underside of Murdock's chin. "The day you beat me at arm wrestling is the day I throw myself out of a plane with no chute – ow! Don't poke me, you fool!"
Teige, not impressed in the slightest, didn't budge.
Murdock pursed his lips in frustration - until he suddenly caught sight of a blur of navy blue passing through the hallway. "Ace!" he called out, waving frantically. "Hey, over here - look who came to visit!"
She looked over and her eyes lit up. "Hey, B.A.!" She quickly approached, clutching two steaming foam cups.
"Hey, what's up, A.J.?" B.A. spoke through the human barrier that was Teige, as if she were a set of prison cell bars. "Whatcha doing here too?" he asked, then sipped at one of the drinks in his hand.
"Well, it's long story, has an airplane and a helicopter in it. You wouldn't be interested, trust me." She looked at Teige, then at Murdock, who was staring at her with pleading wide eyes while motioning to B.A.
Suddenly remembering the 'family only' rule, she asked him, "Hey, B.A. - we're all still getting together at Uncle Smith's for Christmas, right?"
B.A. looked at her questioningly, then offered a shrug. "Sure, whatever mama."
"Mama?" Teige whirled around, gaping in disbelief at the thirty-something woman.
A.J. grinned at the thought, then enthusiastically nodded. "Sure, we'll go with that!"
Murdock's muffled snickers followed as he wheeled B.A. past the distracted Nurse Teige, who was a few seconds too slow to realize what was happening.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Teige protested. "You can't expect me to believe that you're their mother."
"Sure you can - just a surrogate, of course. Hey, thanks!" A.J. smiled appreciatively, then backed away just before tearing around the corner to keep up.
Exasperated, Teige threw her hands up to the air in defeat. The crazies were out with the full moon tonight, no doubt about it.
Murdock wheeled B.A. into Face's room, asking, "Hey, did ya lose something, Colonel? Perhaps this big guy with a case of the post-flight grouch-ies?" He then gestured at the 'burger distracted' B.A. and pursed his lips as the last of his dinner disappeared.
B.A. shook his head, then swallowed. "I'm not a grouch, you just drive me crazy." He grinned. "Thanks for the food though."
"Wasn't yours." Murdock sulked, then tried to snatch the bag away again. No luck.
"Hey, is Faceman okay?" B.A. looked towards the hospital bed, and craned his neck trying to see around everyone. When they all stepped aside, the sarcastic smiling face of his comrade shined his way.
"Hardly," Face muttered. "You know, I'm beginning to wonder why it's always me lately?"
"Maybe you should give a little more attention to lady luck instead of the ladies, Face." Hannibal suggested with a smile, then gave a nod of thanks as A.J. passed him the coffee. He sipped at it periodically, hoping it would ease some of his still raging post-mission, jazz-filled nicotine fit.
It was close, but no cigar.
"Well, welcome home officially, guys." Hannibal announced to them all, now reunited, then turned to Murdock and asked, "I trust the exchange was made without any problems."
"The good deed was done." Murdock nodded. "Sure didn't expect Stockwell to have the Coast Guard pick you guys up like that; all I asked was his overflowing kindness in letting you guys know what happened on the way home."
Hannibal chuckled at the sarcasm. "I guess after what happened last time, he wanted to make sure he had every chopper rescue possible available."
"I heard he has 'em all on speed dial." Murdock chimed in, then leaned over and stealthily plucked the second uneaten burger from B.A.'s hands and quickly backed off.
"Hey!" B.A. protested, quite loudly.
"Hey, yourself!" Murdock spat back. "I happily shared mine, big guy, but it's nature's instinct for a man to protect his partner's dinner from mudsucking hamburglers." He then tossed the burger to an unsuspecting A.J, who caught it instinctively.
B.A. jumped to his feet and narrowed his eyes at Murdock, then A.J. too, who stared down at the burger in her hands.
"Oh no," she gulped, then looked over at Hannibal, wondering if he was going to intervene as he usually did. His weary expression told her otherwise.
"Be glad you're already in the hospital, Murdock!" B.A. growled and he lunged for him, who made a quick dash behind A.J. to shield himself.
As B.A. towered over them, she was just about to offer him her burger as a peace offering, when...
"Okay, that's it!"
The loud, authoritative voice of a certain nurse was becoming all too familiar. Everyone froze, and all attention was now directed to the doorway and to Nurse Teige, whose fiery eyes warned them her patience had run out long ago.
Behind her, four armed security officers as backup.
"Visiting hours are officially over for all of you," she stated firmly. "I don't care if you're family or not - get out, now!"
"That's our cue, guys. Party's over." Hannibal stood up, not about to mix it up with hospital security, then patted Face on the shoulder. "I'll call you in the morning to see how you're faring, Lieutenant."
"See you tomorrow, Faceman." B.A. waved, then tucked the drink between his knees and wheeled himself out following behind Hannibal, who was now coaxing the security officers away from the doorway.
Face grinned. "Bye guys." He waved, then looked up at his last two visitors. "Sorry to spoil the reunion guys, but thanks for all the help."
"You've made for an interesting day," A.J. told him, then leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Feel better, Kissy Face. Stop over for a hop around D.C. sometime." She giggled, then turned to leave, but not before passing her burger back into Murdock's hands. "Here's your dinner, Tiger. Meet you outside."
Murdock looked down at the burger, then at Face, who was watching her walk out with adoration.
"See why there's no time for serious?" Murdock knowingly smiled, then gestured to the hospital room. "Things just aren't ever easy like they should be."
"They never were. Thanks, pal." Face grinned, then wagged a finger at Murdock. "But if you ever sing the Bee Gees again, I'm gonna have to floor you."
Murdock chuckled. "I'll remember that. G'nite Face." He turned to leave, and as he passed through the doorway, sank his teeth into his first meal home. His blissful sigh followed.
"Hey, Murdock," Face called out. "I ain't dying this time. Go, get back to business!"
When the van's engine finally ceased, Murdock awoke to a spinning drunkenness of mental exhaustion and could've nodded right back off if he'd let himself. Instead, he managed to pry his eyes open and tried to glance at his watch with a righteous case of double vision. Two forty-nine finally merged before his eyes then split off again.
He rolled his head to see A.J. next to him and out like a light - having fallen dead asleep during their abridged recap of South America not even halfway through the drive back to Langley. He broke into a yawn, then gently shook her leg. "Hey."
"Mm?" she stirred, then fell back asleep almost immediately.
"Wakey-wakey," he whispered in her ear. When she didn't respond, he tried a new approach; nuzzling the side of her face with his stubbly beard. "Come on, Ace - you ready to fly?"
"Not tonight, Tiger... too tired." She snuggled into her shoulder belt strap, then mumbled, "And not in the car either... not that kinda girl."
B.A. burst into a fit of giggles, while Hannibal turned around and fired a questioning look from the passenger seat, then his laughter echoed as he exited the van.
"Ace!" Murdock exclaimed through snickers, then nudged her harder. "C'mon, we're back at Langley. You ready to fly home?"
"Uh, what... fly now?" Her eyes cracked open, then she attempted to shake the fuzziness from behind her eyes. "That's a serious no-go. I'm a down 'n out hazard here."
"I know the feeling," he muttered.
"Think she'll make it home okay?" Hannibal called out.
"See for yourself," Murdock replied, then opened the van's siding door, revealing one A.J. Parker who'd reached her fatigue limit.
Hannibal chuckled at the sight. "You wanna stay the night, guys?"
"As long as it's not a problem with the General," she answered, still half asleep. "Just need a few more hours. I can head out first thing in the morning."
"Come on, it's not like you haven't stayed here before." Hannibal headed for the front door, then said, "and if Stockwell has a problem with it, he can take it up with me."
"And me!" B.A. growled, then turned to follow Hannibal.
"And me..." Murdock finished with a yawn, then held out his hand. "C'mon, Ace. I don't think you want me to carry you over this threshold, do you?"
"Okay, okay." She climbed out of the car and woke just enough to look up at the familiar Langley house.
"I bet you thought your days of crashing here were over," Murdock teased.
"Hah!" Hannibal grinned through the stub of his cigar. "Home, sweet home. Welcome back, kid."