59

BPOV

As I came through the light, clutching to Edward like my life depended on it, I struggled to open my eyes. They felt like they each weighed a hundred pounds. In fact, my entire body felt like I was being weighed down. I couldn't understand why I just couldn't open my eyes. I could hear someone around me. I could feel them sponging my forehead with a cool rag. I could hear them breathing. Then I felt it.

I felt the pull that I only feel when I am with Edward. I could feel it pulling me out of the darkness and back to him. I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. From my peripheral vision, I could see Carlisle sitting in the chair next to my bed. I can't say that I am surprised that he is sitting here but my main focus, the pull I still felt, turned my eyes to the window. To the window where my love stood, watching me. Like he I knew he would be.

I smiled at him causing him to smiled back and place his hand on the window.

"I love you," I whispered hoarsely as I reached for him.

'I love you, too' he mouthed back to me.

Carlisle stood up and walked out of my room without saying anything to me. Not that I really noticed. My eyes were locked on my husbands. I watched as they talked back and forth, both growing frustrated with the other. Both of them running their hands through their hair in an eerily similar way. It made me sad to think about them fighting over me. Edward looked back to me for a minute before he turned and walked away from my window. I felt the loss immediately and wanted him to come back to me.

Had the dream been real? It felt so real when I was in his arms. I could still feel his warm arms holding me without the paper gowns on. I could still feel the his warm lips on mine without the stupid mask on. I could almost feel the soft wind as it blew through my hair while we sat on the beach and let the sun shine down on us. Was it just a dream? Had it all just been my imagination? I wasn't so sure.

Carlisle came back in, after scrubbing back in. My body felt sticky and gross from the fever that had ravaged my body. He came over and held up a cup of water to my lips. I took several small sips from the straw. My throat was parched and my lips were dry.

"Feeling better?" asked Carlisle.

"Little bit," I whispered, hoarsely. "My throat is dry."

"You had a pretty nasty fever," said Carlisle placing the straw at my lips again. I took a couple more pulls. "You scared the shit out of us."

"Sorry," I whispered. "I was pretty scared too. I had strange dreams."

"Oh, I know," chuckled Carlisle. "You were quite vocal. I am curious about the numbers that were chasing you."

"Never going to tell you," I chuckled softly. I turned and looked at him. "Is Edward ok?"

"He's fine," said Carlisle. "He seems a little more rested than he has been but he's still quite as stubborn. He refuses to go home and sleep. He said to tell you he loves you."

"Good," I said, turning back to the window. Edward was sitting outside my window looking at me. "I'm not ready for him to leave."

Edward and I just stared at each other for awhile before we let sleep take us both. He was in my dreams all night again.

I woke up the next morning and immediately looked over at the window. My smile grew on my face when I saw Edward still sitting there. He was watching me with a huge, gorgeous crooked smile on this face causing me to blush for some reason. His smile grew bigger as my cheeks grew pinker.

'I'll be right back,' he mouthed to me. 'I love you.'

'I'll be waiting right here,' I mouthed to him. 'I love you, too.'

Edward got up and left my window. I rolled on my back and sat up in my bed a little bit more. I felt so much better today than I had yesterday. I was still completely exhausted but at least I wasn't running a fever anymore. At least I wasn't having crazy dreams anymore.

"Well, you look better," said Chloe from behind her protective mask, as she came into my room.

"I feel better," I said. "But I want to take a shower."

"Ok," she said. "We can do that."

Chloe helped me cover my central line and climb out of the bed. We slowly made our way into the bathroom because my body was sore and achy still. She helped me strip off my dirty clothes. I had had a hard time with her helping me shower the first couple times but once the chemo really knocked me on my ass, I got over it pretty quickly.

She helped me step under the warm water and sit on the shower seat. It felt amazing to have the warm water washing away all the grime that covered my body. I washed my body and bald head before I turned off the water. Chloe helped me dry off and slip on my panties, a pair of shorts, and a t-shirt from the collection that Alice had gotten me for Christmas. Chloe helped me back over to my bed. I noticed that someone had come in and changed my sheets. I climbed into the new sheets and pulled my blanket up. I was a little chilly from the shower.

"I will have your breakfast in here soon," said Chloe. "Dr. Cullen wants you to drink a lot of water today to replenish what you lost with the fever, ok?"

"Ok," I said. "Is Edward coming in today?"

"Yes," she chuckled from behind her mask. "Dr. Cullen instructed him to go eat breakfast and take a shower before he could come in here. Your husband has been quite stubborn over the last twenty four hours."

"I know," I said as I looked over at her. "That's why I know we can beat this together. He's too stubborn to let me fail."

"I think you're right," said Chloe. "Do you need anything?"

"My laptop," I said.

"Ok," she said. She went around the bed and pulled my table with my laptop on it over in front of me. "Here you go. I'll be back in a bit with your breakfast and meds."

"Thank you, Chloe," I said.

"You're welcome, Bella," she said. "I'm just glad you are feeling better."

Chloe turned and left my room while I opened my laptop. I pulled up my blog site and smiled when I saw a message from Tricia.

Bella,

Houston has been…yeah, it's been that fun. The doctors
pocked and prodded me so much that I think they should have
bought me dinner first, if you know what I mean. They agree
with my doctor in Chicago. It looks like I am having brain
surgery next week. I can tell you what I think because I know
you will understand, I'm scared. I just don't know how I am
going get through all of this. My parents were devastated by
the doctors findings. I guess they were holding out hope that I
didn't have a tumor or something. We got home last night
and I went straight to my room and cried for hours. I don't
want to die, Bella. I'm not ready and I'm all alone.

Tricia

I could feel the tears building up in my eyes when I read each word she had written. I clicked to reply to her message.

Tricia,

I'm sorry. I know that doesn't help, trust me I know, but what
else is there to say? I wish I could tell you what to expect but I
can't. The cancer trying to kill me is so much different than what
you are dealing with. But I will tell you this, you are NOT alone.
You have your parents, your brothers, you have me and Edward.
I know I can't be there to hold you right now, I would if I could,
but know that I am with you in spirit. Not much help I guess. I'm
not going to lie and tell you that you are going to be ok because
you are too smart to buy that line of crap. I will tell you that you
have to keep fighting, even when you feel like you can't fight
anymore. You have to keep going for all of us who are waiting to
read your great American novel. Just hang in there, Tricia, and
remember that I am just a phone call away if you need me.

Bella

I scrolled back over to my page and started a new blog entry. I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell everyone about the scary dreams or the dream with Edward. Especially the dream with Edward. It felt too personal to share with anyone but him.

Fork in the Road

So here I was just minding my own business when I stumbled
upon a fork in the road of my recovery. I got an infection that
knocked me on my ass. I was so tired and out of it that I barely
remember much of the last twenty-four hours beyond a few
coherent moments where I seem to remember my doctor cussing
and telling me to stop fucking around and get better already. I
could have been hallucinating, though.

I can't help but worry about how much this is going to set back
my return home. I'm so tired of being in this hospital, isolated
from those I care about the most in this world. Sometimes, I feel
like I'm a circus freak. 'Come one, come all, and see the amazing
cancer girl. She's bald and in a bad mood but she's fun to gawk
at.' Kind of catchy, huh?

I posted my blog and shut my laptop as the door to my room opened. Chloe came in followed by Edward. I could see the smile in his eyes as she set my breakfast on the table next to my laptop. She injected my meds into my central line and said something but I was completely focus on Edward. Our eyes were locked on each other like we were the only two people in the room because to us, we were. I barely heard her leave as Edward came over and sat on the side of my bed.

"Hi," I whispered, suddenly feeling very shy.

"Hey," he whispered from behind his mask. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," I said. "But I felt you here."

"You did?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "I think…."

"What?" he asked, eagerly. Did he know what I was thinking?

"This is going to sound crazy but I think I….I think we met in a dream…." I trailed off, not wanting to seem anymore nuts than I sounded already.

"On a beach," said Edward. I smiled and his eyes twinkled with excitement. "Renee and Charlie brought us together."

"Yes," I cried as my tears spilled over.

"You aren't in here five minutes and you already have her crying," scolded Carlisle as he came in.

"Happy tears," I cried softly, keeping my eyes on Edward's, which were swimming with his own tears. "Really happy tears."

"Well, that's good, I guess," said Carlisle. I tore my eyes off of Edward's and wiped the tears off my face as I looked at Carlisle. He looked like complete shit.

"You look like shit," I scolded. "When was the last time you slept?"

"Thank you, daughter," grumbled Carlisle from behind his mask. "I was kind of too bust trying to break your fever. You don't ever make anything easy, you know."

"I know," I said. "It's a Swan trait."

"So I hear," said Carlisle, dryly. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"I'm still pretty tired. My mouth is really dry. My body is sore," I said.

"That's from the fever and the infection," said Carlisle. "Drink plenty of fluids today, Bella. It's important that you don't get dehydrated on top of everything else."

"I will," I said. "Is this going to set back my progress?"

"Not really," said Carlisle. "We were able to break the fever relatively quick considering how weak your immune system is. We just have to be extra careful that you don't start running another one or pick up an additional infection."

"Ok," I said. "How much longer am I going to be here?"

"If you don't get another infection, and we can get rid of this one, hopefully you can go home in a week," said Carlisle. "But we will just have to see how much more the marrow is engrafting by then."

"How is it doing now?" asked Edward.

"We are about half way there," said Carlisle, looking at Edward. "Now, do I need to remind you that you need to rest too?"

"No," said Edward. "But you still do it. I'm trying, Dad. It's not that easy, ok?"

"I know, Edward," sighed Carlisle. "Just try, ok?"

"Ok," whispered Edward. "I'll try."

"Good," said Carlisle. "I will be back later to check on both of you."

"Ok, Carlisle. Thank you for staying with me. I love you," I said. I saw his eyes soften.

"I love you, too, Bella," he said. "More than Edward does."

"Not possible," chuckled Edward as Carlisle laughed and left. Edward looked back at me and rolled his eyes. "If I didn't know that he loved Esme more than life itself, I would be a little jealous."

"You have nothing to worry about," I said. "You own my heart."

"As you own mine," said Edward. "Now eat before Chloe gets mad at me."

I just laughed softly and started to eat. It was all pretty nasty and I wasn't really very hungry but I ate for Edward's sake. I knew he would worry if I didn't at least try. Once I was done, he pulled out a DVD out of his bag and settled on the bed next to me with my laptop in front of us.

"What movie is that?" I asked.

"It's a surprise," teased Edward. I didn't even bother rolling my eyes. There really was no point to it. Edward just loved to surprise me. "We got this in the mail a couple days ago but since you were sick yesterday, I thought we could watch it today."

"Oh, ok," I said. Edward put the DVD into my laptop and I laid my head on his shoulder as it started. I gasped softly when I saw Tia pop up in the screen with Benjamin next to her.

"Hey, Bella!" squealed Tia. "Edward told us about the transplant. I hope you are doing ok. We've been following your blog site. You still amaze me, Bella. We wanted to do something that would show you that you are not alone. We love you, Bella."

"Thank you, Bella, for giving so much of yourself to us while we were all in New York. I know that one day, I am going to be able to say, 'I knew Isabella Cullen way back in the day.' Stay strong and keep fighting," said Benjamin as he wrapped his arms around Tia. The screen changed and I let a tear fall when I saw Felix.

"Hey, Bella. I'm kind of nervous about what to say so if I sound like an idiot, just know that I don't mean to. I didn't get the chance to tell you this when we were in New York but I think you are the strongest person I have ever met. You seem to find the way to keep fighting, even when you are so sick…..I want you to know that you are an inspiration to me, Bella. You taught me that no matter how hard life gets, I can do anything. Keep the smile on your face, Bella, and never stop fighting. Thank you, Bella, for being my hero," said Felix. The screen changed and Heidi came on.

"Hey, Bella. I hope that you are doing ok. I know that it doesn't really help but I really am proud to be your friend. When I went to New York, I was prepared to just fight to win the competition. I wasn't looking to make friends. I guess that teaches me to be so selfish, huh? Bella, you brought us all together. You taught us how important family and friends are in life. Not just when you are fighting to live like you are, but in everything we do. Thank you for living each day to the fullest. I hope that you get better soon and get to go home to Edward," said Heidi, through her tears. Mine were free falling down my face. Jane came up on the screen next.

"Hey, Bella. I'm really not sure what to say right now. I, um, just wanted to tell you that I think you are the most incredible woman I have ever known. I don't know how you find the strength to do it. I was tired just watching you," she chuckled. I chuckled with her before she turned serious. "I am serious though. I wish I was strong as you are. I don't think I could do it. When I first came back from New York, I tried to go back to school and back to my life but I couldn't get you off my mind. I would be sitting in the middle of class and I would think back to the nights I would hear you running down to the hall to be sick. I'll admit that I cried a couple times at school. My English teacher asked me what was wrong right after you started the conditioning for the transplant. Just reading you blog, broke my heart. I just started sobbing like a baby and told her about you and everything you have been through. She was so moved that as a class, we've been following your progress. I hope you don't mind that but it just shows, Bella, how much you touch everyone. And, um, when I grow up, I want to be just like you," she chuckled through her tears. I chuckled through mine as the screen changed again. Liam came up on the screen next.

"Hey, Bella, this is kind of awkward, isn't it? There is so much that I want to say to you but I don't really know what to say so remember that when you listen to me ramble on. When I came to New York, I wasn't prepared for the impact that all of you would have on my life. But especially the impact that you had on me, Bella. I was very close to my grandmother. When she died, I shut a part of my heart off to everyone because I didn't ever want to feel that pain again. You showed me that I could take the chance and let people back in. I'm so sorry that you are sick right now but I'm thankful that I meet you when I did because, honestly, you made me realize that I had to start living again for my grandmother. So thank you for fighting so hard and being you. I know that you will beat this and someday, you will be back on the stage in Carnegie Hall. I will be in the front row, cheering you on," said Liam. I couldn't believe that I had touched them so much in those few days. Maggie came on next.

"Bella, oh, Bella. When I was ten, my older brother, Matthew, convinced me that I had been adopted. He said my parents were gypsies. I know what you are thinking, how could I have believed him. I was naive and thought my brother was the best person ever. Now, I still love my brother, even of he is a boob sometimes, but I don't think he holds a candle to you. Before you tell me that I am wrong, let me explain. The Wednesday night we were in New York, you had fallen asleep in the bathroom while we all talked, trying to make you feel somewhat normal. After Edward carried you up to your room, I went up on the roof and just sat and thought. See, I've never been around someone who had cancer before. I will admit that I was scared. Not that I would get sick from being around you but that I would do something to make it harder for you. I sat on the roof all night and watched the sunrise over the skyline of the city. It was the most beautiful sight I had seen until I watched you sing on stage. The look of pure joy and happiness on your face, even though we could all hear the pain and fear in each word you sang and each cord you played, was breathtaking. In that moment, I knew that no matter what I do, I would make it my mission to live each day like it was my last. Thank you, Bella, for teaching me just how precious life is," said Maggie, as she let her tears fall freely. The screen changed and Demetri came on.

"Hey, Bella. So I'm supposed to tell you how I feel about you but I'm sure you are already emotionally overwhelmed right now with the other messages. So I thought instead, we could talk about how awesome I am," said Demetri with a big smile on his face. Edward and I both laughed. "Ok, seriously, I'm not very good with expressing my feelings but I wanted to tell you that I think you are pretty awesome. I mean you are fucking hot. Don't tell Edward I said this but just between you and me, I think you could do better than him. I mean, he's such a pretty boy. Calm down, Edward, I'm just teasing. I knew you would be watching this her. You two are like joined at the lips most of the time. Bella, you are beautiful inside and out. It's an honor to know you and I know that one day, you are going to be a super star. Just don't for us little people when you make it to the big times. Remember that no matter what you are just a girl and we all love you, Bella. Just not the same way Edward does."

"He's such an ass," chuckled Edward.

"But he's our ass," I said with a smile as the screen changed. Cauis came on. I will admit that I was surprised to see him on the tape.

"Hello, Isabella. I, um, am not really sure what to say right now. First of all, I would like to apologize for being such an ass to you that morning of our rehearsal together. I've never seen anyone with as much natural talent as you have. Not even Renee, Isabella. When I heard your CD that you sent in for your audition, I remember thinking, why hasn't she been signed yet? I was shocked that some record company hadn't snatched you up yet. Then I met you. I watched you as you struggled to be just like everyone else. I watched as you struggled with the attention that you received. I know you think the reason people paid attention to you was because you are sick, and I'm not saying that it's not part of it, but it's a small part. The biggest reason that you receive so much attention is because you are incredible. You have an aura about you that just draws people to you. I hope that you are doing ok right now. I know that Renee would be so proud of how hard you are working. Just hang in there and don't give up," said Cauis. I was completely speech less right now. Aro came on to the screen next.

"Aw, Isabella, I hope you are well. I know you probably aren't but I can hope at least. In all of my years in the music business, I've never met someone who captivates an audience the way you do. The night of your performance, I could barely contain my own tears as I watched you on that stage, struggling with the emotions that were threatening to boil over. You are an amazing woman, Isabella. I'm looking forward to the day when you beat the illness and find your spot in the world. You are an inspiration to all of us. Take care of yourself. Edward, take good care of your wife," said Aro. The scene changed and Marcus came on. I could tell he was a little nervous.

"Hello, Isabella," said Marcus. "I would ask how you are doing but from your blog, I can tell that you are hanging in there. When Renee and I were fourteen, we were sitting in her parent's garage, just messing around on our guitars. That's what we thought all the cool kids did. We were kind of lame. Anyway, she suddenly stopped playing and looked over at me. She asked me what I thought the future would be like. I just laughed and said that we were going to be rock starts and the world will be ours. She laughed with me and started playing again. When I heard you play the night of the competition, it hit me. You are the future. I know that sounds kind of creepy. I don't mean it to but I think that you will beat the cancer and one day, your music will inspire those around you to keep fighting the battles they have in their lives. I have included something in the package before I sent it back to Tia. I hope you enjoy it. I will see you one day back on the stage again," said Marcus with a smile. The scene changed and Tia came back on. This time she was alone.

"See, what did I tell you?" she asked. "No matter what, we are with you. You are our sister, Bella. Never stop fighting. Never give up. Never stop smiling and laughing. Bella, thank you for letting me into your life and teaching me about love. Because you were open and honest with me about you and Edward, I was able to let Benjamin into my life. I was able to let him love me nearly as much as I love him. Oh, and Edward, take care of my girl or I will kick your ass. I love you both. Until we meet again, hold onto your love for each other."

Edward turned off the DVD as the screen went black. He handed me the package that the DVD came in. I turned it over and a picture fell into my hands. I turned it over and gasped through my tears. It was a picture of Charlie and Renee on their wedding day. They were in the middle of Central park. Charlie was wearing a black tuxedo and Renee was wearing a soft, white wedding dress. They had their arms wrapped around each other as they leaned their foreheads against each others.

"They were so in love," I whispered. "Can you feel how much they loved each other?"

"Yes, I can," whispered Edward, wrapping his arm around me. "I think they still love each other."

"I do too," I whispered. I turned my head up to him. "I love you, Edward. I know that as long as I have you, I can fight this. I can beat it."

"I love you, too," whispered Edward. "Together, we can do anything."

I laid my head back on Edward's shoulder. We spent the rest of the day just being together. We talked a little but we mostly just sat in the small bubble that surrounded us. We had each other. Right now, that may be all we have but I know that when I do go home that I will have the rest of my family and friends, too. Even those that are scattered across the country. I was the luckiest girl in the world.