Even though they still had classes before the end of the year, Remus's study group decided to do some fun stuff outside instead of studying in the library. Pierce had a regular ol' Muggle frisbee so the lot of them went outside, throwing it at each other (which Remus completely failed at, at one point throwing it into the lake) while they talked about the exams.

It wasn't everyone in the group, thankfully. Twycross had found the game childish and left. No big loss, in Remus's opinion. Craft sat nearby to discuss the exams but didn't join in on frisbee tossing. So it was Remus, Lily, Silverlocke, Bones, Pierce, and Buckling. It was rather entertaining to see someone as elegant as Silverlocke jumping after a Muggle frisbee. His hair got loose out of the ponytail, eventually falling messily around his shoulders. Buckling had brought her phonograph player but they were listening to Muggle records from Lily and Pierce.

What would you think if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, And I'll try not to sing out of key, oh I get by with a little help of my friends!

Eventually they all collapsed down on the ground, chatting. Lily sat behind Remus, playing with his hair which felt super nice. He fought to keep his eyes open and not to lean back against her. Her fingers scraping gently against his scalp, raking through his hair... Is this what is' like to be petted? he wondered, hugging his knees while he listened to Bones tell a funny story about something that happened in the Hufflepuff dorm. Does it feel so good because I'm a canine?

That thought made him rather uncomfortable and just before he decided to pull away there was a loud explosion nearby followed by a very familiar voice shouting, "BOLLOCKS!" and then another familiar voice screaming. They all looked over to see the three other Marauders by the lake. Peter's shirt was on fire as he ran in circles before plunging into the lake. James and Sirius didn't seem too concerned they were just scratching their heads, frowning.

"They're such idiots," Craft said, cutting a dark look towards Remus.

Lily began playing with his hair again. "They are. Remus isn't."

Remus watched Peter come out of the lake and start talking to James who just shrugged, waving his hand at Sirius who gave a gesture Remus roughly translated to 'whoops'. Then all three of them looked his way. He ducked his head, hoping they wouldn't come over. He was having fun with his study group.

"What were they even trying to do?" Buckling inquired.

"I haven't the f-foggiest," Remus replied, giving a bit of a sigh as they started trooping over. Apparently they had been attempting to tie together a dozen fireworks which backfired-literally. Craft called them idiots again. James scowled at him then asked Remus for help. "Well, what do you want me to do about it?" Remus asked, not really intending to sound sassy but the rest of his study group began laughing.

Sirius raised his eyebrows while James actually looked a little taken aback. "Er, help us figure out how to make them not explode right away? Look at poor Peter." He grabbed Peter, pushing him forward. His clothes were rather singed.

Remus reluctantly got up, mostly wanting to help them before they really hurt themselves. He wound up spending the rest of the evening with them, quite pleased when they did manage to get a dozen to go off altogether, a huge shower of sparks above them just before curfew hit and they had to get back to the tower.

()

In the morning Remus felt tired. The Marauders had stayed up till nearly four in the morning down in the common room, eating candy, chatting, joking, and playing games. At least today the only thing he had to worry about was detention, though he had no idea what to even expect. He didn't get out of bed until after ten, but the other Marauders were only just waking up too so they all went down for brunch. Remus asked them what Detention Hall meant, since he hadn't even heard of that before.

"Writing lines, most likely," James replied.

"Yeah Detention Hall's where you're given something to write down," Sirius said with a nod. "Usually the length of a parchment. It's so boring."

"It's still not fair they're making you do this after two months," grumbled Peter, which Remus completely agreed with.

"At least they waited till after exams," he said. "I'll need someone to take me because I don't know where it is."

"I wonder what you're going to be made to write," Peter said.

"Probably 'I shall not send Slytherins flying through the air with a wicked cool spell'," laughed James. "Still regret not being there!"

"I shall not defend my friends," Sirius suggested with a snicker.

"Yes, how dare you help protect me," Peter said with mock severity. "And the names of our parents!"

Remus grinned at him. "Sorry, next time I'll just let them pulverize us."

"There you go," Sirius said, pointing his fork at Remus. "That's the way to deal with it!"

Sure enough that evening when he showed up (Sirius leading the way then trying to convince him to set off a dung bomb which Remus adamantly refused to do) it was to write lines. Unfortunately detention was being headed by Professor Dedenne who looked about as pleased to see Remus as he was with her. There were a few other students there too, older students he didn't recognize-no, one of them he sorta recognized. A second year Gryffindor who had been one of the Bat-Bogey Prank's victims, next to whom Remus had to sit. He was tilting his seat back, looking exceedingly bored. A couple more students wandered in then at six Dedenne handed out papers to everyone.

James had been rather close. I Shall Not Use Magic Against Another Student. He was given a long piece of parchment to cover, with lines on it so he couldn't write too terribly big. Remus got out his stuff and began obediently copying the line. I shall not use magic against another student. I shall not use magic against another student. He considered purposely making his handwriting a bit bigger than normal so he could only fit the sentence on twice per line however with Dedenne in charge he figured he'd be in deep trouble is he altered the size too much. I shall not use magic against-

There was a loud explosion outside the classroom, sending gasps throughout the group. Dedenne jumped to her feet, hurrying over, opening the door. She told the students to continue their writing then left the room. Remus returned to his copying, the only one to do so. The redhead next to him began tilting his chair way back again. Remus glanced over, seeing his lines he had to write. I shall not use foul language in class. Remus quickly glanced back to his own parchment, wondering what the redhead had said.

The door opened again but it wasn't Dedenne. "Oi! Remy!" Remus jerked his head in to see Sirius beckoning. "Come on, James can't distract her forever."

Everyone was looking at Remus now. "Wh-what? I c-c-can't. I'm not-I haven't been-I'm n-not done."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Who cares? We're rescuing you."

"G-g-getting me in worse trouble, you mean!" Remus slumped in his seat, rather embarrassed by everyone staring at him. "If she c-comes back and finds me g-gone...!"

"We used up one of our biggest firecrac-" He stopped, looking down the hall, going white. "Shoot. Aw, c'mon Remy. Detention is for losers."

"And if I leave I'll just have more," Remus pointed out. "I appreciate the rescue b-b-but I don't want more."

Sirius looked a little disappointed but Dedenne was coming back so all he could do was shrug and run off.

"I'd've taken it," said the redhead next to him. "I'd love it if my friends did a rescue mission."

"You c-c-could have l-left even th-though it w-w-was for me," Remus said, confused.

The redhead frowned then slammed his hand against the desk. "Aw, fuck, you're right. Bugger it all."

Remus suspected he knew what had been said to land the redhead into detention. Dedenne came in, eyes scanning the room to make sure the head count was the same, then returned to her desk. Remus returned to writing the stupid lines. I shall not use magic against another student... I shall not use magic against another student...

A few minutes later the redhead went to the front of the room, slapping the parchment down. "Professor, I'm done."

Dedenne glanced at the parchment. "Your handwriting is far too big. Do it again, with your proper handwriting this time, Mr. Weasley."

The redhead slunk back to his seat, swearing under his breath. Professor Dedenne had to do the same for another student who attempted shorten their detention by writing big. Remus was glad he chose to keep his normal sizing. His hand hurt a little when he was done but at least he was done. He took the parchment to Dedenne who looked it over.

"Too big, Mr. Lupin. Do another."

"Th-that's my n-n-normal..." Remus trailed off, realizing it didn't matter. Dedenne was hunched over some papers grading then, not even listening. Or caring. Remus stood still, fingers touching the blank parchment she had given him. He didn't return to his seat. He knew he should however a flare of indignation went up inside of him. The wolf was getting really angry, clawing at his insides. "Professor." He spoke even though everything inside told him to just not, to shut up, to go back and write all the lines again.

She glanced up. "I said do it again, Mr. Lupin."

"Why?" He felt all the heads behind him raise up, all the eyes on him. He trembled slightly then tightened some of his muscles, trying to remain impassive. "My h-ha-h-handwriting is p-p-p-perfectly adeq-q-quate. I d-don't understand wh-why I need to do it ag-g-gain."

Dedenne stared at him in disbelief. He gave her a look hoping that it conveyed that he did understand, he knew perfectly well why she was doing this. If he was hoping to shame her it didn't work. "Ten points from Gryffindor Mr. Lupin." She pushed a second piece of parchment over, scribbled something down, then handed that over. "Redo the first one then do this as well. Now sit down."

I shall not talk back to the teacher was written on the scrap of paper. Remus clutched it in his fist as he returned to his seat, fury whipping inside of him like a violent storm. His nose itched, eyes threatening to let loose a few tears. He clenched his fist tighter, trying to dig his stubby nails into his palm to give him some pain to focus on-to prevent the crying-but his nails were far too short.

He poised his quill over the empty parchment and for a wild second he considered writing I shall not be a bloodthirsty monster. He wondered what would happen if he did, if he turned that in to Dedenne. A bubble of laughter rose in his throat and he put a hand over his mouth, trying to keep it from coming out. A little hiccup of crazed giggling did escape and the Weasley kid next to him gave him a strange look. He clamped his teeth tightly together, forcing the laughter back as he began writing. I shall not use magic on another student.

By the time he was done with that one the room was empty except for a much older Hufflepuff student that looked to be asleep. Remus took the parchment to the front, hoping Dedenne wouldn't dismiss this. She gave a curt nod then told him to start on the second. I shall not talk back to the teacher. I shall not talk back to the teacher. After about ten lines of this Dedenne went to the Hufflepuff, gently shaking her awake, whispering that she could go. The Hufflepuff left while Dedenne took the parchment back to her desk. Remus suspected it was mostly empty. He gave Dedenne's back a bit of a glare then began writing again.

"How are you doing?" Dedenne asked after a bit.

"Ab-b-bout a th-third done," Remus said as she approached, wondering if she'd let him go without finishing it.

Instead she clucked her tongue. "Your handwriting is horrible. Start again." She got him a fresh piece of detention parchment.

Remus couldn't believe it.

He could not believe it.

"No," he said without even thinking. Dedenne stopped in her tracks then turned around, eyes going wide. Remus glared at her. "That isn-n-n't f-f-fair!" He knew it was the worst thing to do, talking back again, except he couldn't keep quiet even if he tried. Besides, they were alone. "I kn-n-now why you w-w-won't accept my l-lines and it isn't f-f-fair!"

"Mr. Lupin-"

He stood up quickly and Dedenne jerked back so fast she knocked over a nearby chair. Fear rolled off her body as strongly smelled as any perfume. She was a fully grown, fully trained witch and he was a well-below-average sized 12 year old, and she was terrified, beyond terrified of him. He could sense her expectation of an attack. Her eyes darted around as she realized suddenly they were, in fact, utterly alone.

"I've n-n-never d-d-done anything for you t-to treat me like this!" He met her frightened gaze. "I'm j-j-just another st-student."

"No, you're not," she whispered immediately, clearly not even trying to stop herself as Remus hadn't with himself a moment before. "You're not. You're a-a-"

"Monster?" he asked harshly, lifting his chin, eyes blazing.

He thought she'd look away, or not answer, or perhaps even just leave. Instead she said, "Yes. You are. There's no use pretending you're not." It was like him saying that word unplugged something inside of her. The words spilled out like poison. "You're a monster. A-a beast! You don't belong here. I've told Albus all year you shouldn't be here and he won't get rid of you!" Her voice rose as she spoke, cheeks going pink from anger. "I've tried warning him since you started running with those others boys, that it's just a-a danger to them. That you'll kill them one day. They're in danger! Everyone you're around is in danger! You are a Five-X beast! You're not natural, you're not human! You should be in a safe place with others like you, a-a reservation! Locked away from real people." She straightened up, breathing heavily as her final words punctured the air. "You. Don't. Belong."

There it was. An entire year of holding back, of vague comments, of bad grades, of mistreatment, and she finally laid it out on the table.

Remus hadn't moved during her rant and once she finished he still remained as frozen as a Muggle statue. His entire body hurt. A cold ache seized his limbs and heart, as if he had been deposited down in the Arctic waters. There was darkness ebbing somewhere in his head (as best he could tell) while his clothes felt like blades cutting into his skin, the faint breeze caused from Dedenne moving physically hurt his skin. A weight pressed down against him, pushing, getting heavier with every second. Pressure on his chest. On his head. Squeezing harder, harder, pain engulfing him.

And oh how the wolf howled. It came to the surface, on the very edge of taking over, closer than it had ever been before in his life. He could hear it breathing into his ear. His fingers twitched, flexing, as if he had claws at the end instead of bitten nails. His teeth ground together, and he halfway expected them to be the sharp fangs of the wolf. Attack, it whispered. Kill.

He could practically see blood.

He wanted to see blood.

He wanted to attack her.

No, he thought, a dim, faded, feeble human voice in the darkness. Stop it. Stop. Stop! He took in a slow, deep breath, struggling against the darkness, trying to force the wolf back before he proved to Dedenne he was as monstrous as she claimed him to be. You're human. Human. HUMAN! That hurt too, fighting the wolf. It howled inside of him, a howl for vengeance. The cold darkness started swimming into his eyesight, black tendrils creeping around the edge of his vision which began pulsating, the world blurring and unblurring around him. Pain stabbed his head violently, tearing him up.

Stop! Stop! STOP!

It felt like something inside of him physically snapping, a feeling he had before but never as strong as this. Like one of the fragile channels inside his very brain just broke in half. He could suddenly smell blood.

But he was him again. The wolf was still there however pacing around down in the abyss, deep inside of him.

Now that he felt somewhat in charge of his won body again, Remus silently put his ink and quill into his bag. He could hardly see anything, the pulsating having stopped on permanent blur in addition to the dark tendrils at the edge of his eyes. He slowly pulled the strap over his shoulder then, still silent, walked out of the detention chamber.

Dedenne didn't stop him.

He walked down the hall, not even seeing anything in front of him. It was all sort of blackish and blurry. Foggy. He just walked. Something wet slid down his lips but his body was so numb he didn't think he could even reach up to wipe it off.

Droplets of blood drizzled down onto his shirt.

Someone spoke gibberish in the distance, a muffled sort of sound from miles away, possibly underwater. He felt a hand against his arm and he ripped away, spinning around to stare at the other Marauders whose smiles immediately faded. They'd tell him later he scared them, that he looked wild especially with the blood dripping down his face from his nose, with a frightening look in his eyes. They didn't use the words exactly however the way they tiptoed around it told Remus that in that moment he looked exactly how most the students viewed him: absolute crazed lunatic.

They didn't look real to him, though; they looked fuzzy, out of focus. They weren't real.

Nothing felt real.

He just staggered away then turned, walking. One of them said something he couldn't really hear. One of them grabbed his arm again.

Remus automatically pushed him away, whoever it was, with wolf strength. Sirius would have gone flying back if James hadn't been behind him, catching him. Peter whimpered while the two black-haired boys stared in utter shock, James's arms around Sirius as he straightened him out, all three sets of eyes enormous.

scared

of him

like Dedenne

like everyone should be

Remus stumbled backwards then turned, running, his satchel slipping off his shoulder and falling to the floor; he just kept running. He barely felt the stone underneath his feet, nor did he really see where he was going. Everything felt so far away. Like he was shrinking. Maybe he was like Alice, growing tinier and tinier until he could hide beneath a mushroom. Tinier, maybe, and then he'd disappear forever.

He wished he could disappear.

After what felt like both an eternity and no time at all he realized he was near the painting that led to the secret corridor with the pits. His brain was only barely working however he knew exactly where to go now. Instincts. He ran to the painting, shoving it aside, climbing in. The painting snapped shut behind him, plunging him into darkness. He lit up his wand, flying through the hidden way until he got to the first pit, not even being careful as he ran along the edge. Then he got to the second pit.

He jumped.

He knew he'd make it. Wolves could jump. That's what he was.

Besides, if he missed and plummeted into the hole he wouldn't die unless there were silver spikes at the bottom.

He landed on the floor safely on the other side. He staggered then went for a little recess, where a big pot stood. There he finally let the rage out. He screamed, cursed, shouted, and banged his fists against the stone wall-cracking the stone-then finally collapsed down, pushing himself into the space between the pot and wall, where he curled into a ball, digging his fingers against his scalp, pulling at his hair, nails scraping into his skin, body shaking. His hands raked down across his face, then again, and again, until flashes of pain shot through the numbness, breaking whatever hold it had on him.

Then he finally began sobbing.