Sorry guys! This is not an official update, just something fun I put together for April Fools to keep you entertained. It's a bit late for Fools, I know but enjoy it anyway while I…continue writing the actual It's Only True in the Stories chapter.
*Screams* I do not have writer's block my writer just hates the clock!*
Anyway, I hope you all enjoy my latest bout of insanity, and I will have the 'actual' update for you soon, I swear.
- Raven
'Wizard Weezies.'
"Ok, so just to be clear, no matter what the hat says, we're still going to stick together right?"
"You kidding? What else would it say for us? We aren't the children of Azkaban for nothing!"
"But it's not a guarantee…."
"Guys, focus! It doesn't matter what the stupid hat says, we're Slytherin! Rotten to the core! And we are getting the damn Elder Wand either way."
"Easier for you to say, Mal. You're practically the heir itself."
"Shut the fuck up, Jay."
"Firs' years! Firs' years from Azkaban gather 'round!"
Mal blinked up at the giant man that was herding them towards the Great Hall. She wondered idly, if it would be a bad idea to kill him, as she tried to figure out if his singling them out was intentional or just his natural stupidity. Jay jabbed an elbow in her side, and she almost attacked him back until she realized it wasn't an attack. He was pointing out something up ahead, and she lifted her chin to peer over the crowd, and almost stopped dead at the sight.
"Well shit," Carlos mumbled behind her. "They really pegged the 'Great' in 'Great Hall,' didn't they?"
They really had, Mal had to admit. The whole thing was illuminated in light; not just because of the torches decorating the walls, but from the legit actual stars floating from the ceiling and holy fuck was that the actual sky outside?!
"Ok, that's pretty cool," Evie murmured softly, and Mal nodded, suddenly speechless. There'd been nothing like in Azkaban, of course. Just perpetual cold, and dark and screaming and please don't please I'm sorry I didn't meant to wasn't my fault please!
Mal shook her head, swallowing hard against the bile threatening to rise in her throat. It was over. They were out now and that's what really mattered. That and….
"Holy shit is all that food real?"
Jay's voice jerked her the rest of the way out of her shadowed thoughts, and she followed his gaze past the staring students to take in the sprawling tables that were, sure enough, full of food. Her mouth burned it was watering so hard, and she was just about to start hexing people to get to the nearest plate when suddenly an ancient voice spoke:
"Welcome, students. Before we begin the sorting ceremony I would like to say a few words. Bubble; noxious; olden, tweak."
The applause that thundered through the hall was nowhere near appropriate for that pathetic 'speech,' and judging by the grimaces and confused looks from her companions, they thought the same. Only the delusioned Hogwarts students seemed genuinely amused and pleased with the words, and Mal caught one of the nearby students murmur:
"Classic Dumbledore."
Dumbledore. That explained it. The sick feeling was back, but it was accompanied this time by a hard twisting knot in her chest.
"Did she just say Dumbledore?" Jay hissed, and Mal could tell by the dark tone in his voice that he was thinking the same things she was.
She nodded, and Jay swore, causing a few of the nearby students to flinch.
"I think I just reshuffled my list," he murmured, and Carlos chimed in from her other side, just as dark.
"I definitely reshuffled mine."
"Oh come on guys," Evie tried. "It's not going to have to come to that."
"I hope it does," Jay mumbled, but he left it at that, mostly because no one wanted to push Evie into snapping (the girl could be downright vicious when provoked), and also because that hat had suddenly made its appearance.
Mal straightened on the bench, focusing her magic and sending a small shock through each of her crew. Evie made a face at her, while Jay muttered curses and death threats under his breath. Carlos shook it off with a little less certainty, but he glared at her all the same. Mal jerked her head in the direction of the front of the hall, the sorting hat's voice just able to be heard singing its weird song.
"It's time," she hissed.
"Oh, yay," Evie squealed, and somehow Mal didn't think she was being sarcastic.
"Rotten to the core guys," she prompted. "Don't blow this."
"Please," Jay snorted. "What do you think's gonna happen? Like we'd honestly get anything other than…."
"Gryffindor!"
Professor McGonagall choked into her cup, pumpkin juice spilling rather unattractively down the front of her robes.
"Congratulations, Minerva," Dumbledore said, and the Head of Gryffindor House didn't doubt that he was serious. But she thought a worse word never applied, especially in this case.
The boy looked just as stunned as she felt, and she supposed it would be a given, considering he surely should have been anywhere else. More specifically, he should have been…
"Way to fail at life, Jayden."
"Fuck you Mal, I didn't ask the thing to put me in fucking Gryffindor!"
"Really? Could have fooled me," she fired back, her eyes Killing Curse green, "I thought it was supposed to take your own feelings into account- stupid, oversensitive Hogwarts shit and the like."
"Ok, guys, chill. We didn't come to rip each other's throats out."
"You're one to talk, dog-breath," Jay retorted, shoving Carlos angrily.
"Um, ex-excuse me?"
The four of them turned abruptly, wands raised defensively. Or rather, Carlos' wand was raised defensively, Mal, Evie and Jay were set to kill.
"What do you want?" Mal snarled, eyeing the trembling Hogwarts student before them. Judging by the red trimming the robes, he was a Gryffindor. Which was already pathetic enough, but it only served to further irritate her given Jay's own traitorous status.
"It's just, um…well," the boy fiddled anxiously with the hem of his sleeve, eyes darting back and forth between them, but seeming to settle on Jay. "It's just that, once you've been sorted, you're supposed to join the rest of your House."
"I am with the rest of my House," Jay growled, and Mal would have smirked if she weren't mentally dissecting the boy in front of them.
"I only meant…I just meant…."
"We knew what you meant," Mal cut in, danger in her voice. "And he gave you his answer. So go, before I send you back in pieces."
The boy went pale, almost as pale as they were, actually, before nodding and scrambling rapidly to his table.
"Gryffindor," Mal spat, shaking her head in disgust. "Fucking lions, alright."
"What, you don't think I have what it takes to be a good lion?"
"I think you have what it takes to be even better than a lion. You could have been a snake, but apparently, you wanted to be the hero instead."
"Are you kidding me?!"
"Shut up, both of you," Evie snapped, then smiled a sweet smile as the hat called her name. "Let a real Slytherin show you how it's done."
Jay flipped her off to her back, and Mal snorted derisively.
"If she's a 'real' Slytherin, then I'm a Hufflepuff."
"What's wrong with Hufflepuff?" someone said, and Mal glanced to her left to see the Hufflepuff table staring at them rather aggressively; which she didn't know whether to find legitimately threatening, or just adorable.
"Alright, she's up," Carlos said, and Mal turned her attention back to the front of the room.
"Come on, E," she murmured under her breath. "Come on."
"That's what she…"
"Silencio."
"…Well if that is all," the hat murmured thoughtfully on top of Evie's head. "Better be…Ravenclaw!"
Mal stared. And stared some more. Then, slowly, she said:
"I think…I think a part of me just died. Like, legit actually died."
"Really?" Jay's voice -impossibly- said. "You mean all that soul sucking didn't already do that for you?"
"I will Crucio your ass so hard, if you do not shut up right now."
"And get sent right back to Azkaban, with no hope of finding and stealing the Elder Wand?"
"Cr…"
"Well, this is shaping up to be an interesting year," Flitwick murmured from the head table.
"And I thought Potter was going to be the difficult one," Snape drawled in his usual deadpan.
"Now now Severus," Dumbledore scolded lightly. "I think we should give our newest arrivals a chance to prove themselves. Even in the darkest corridors, the brightest light still shines…"
"Dear Merlin," McGonagall gasped suddenly. "Are they hexing each other?!"
"Sectumsem…"
"Protego!"
"Fucking weak," Mal spat, shoving a strand of hair out of her face. "Hiding behind a shield like a Gryffindor already."
"Crucio!"
She didn't bother trying to dodge, just grit her jaw and rode it out as best she could, letting her muscles lock up but forcing the air to continue through her body. When Jay finally let her go she staggered forward, lurching to the side and just under his guard.
"Now who's weak?" Jay snorted, but Mal's lips twitched, and she shot a spell at his unprotected back.
"Stupefy!"
He dodged, but she was prepared, and fired off another before he'd completed his turn.
"Petrifocus Totalus!"
"Son of a mud blood," he swore, his whole body seizing up and clattering to the floor like a board.
"Anyone else feel like questioning my authority?" Mal demanded, turning to Carlos and Evie.
Carlos went pale and shook his head, but Evie just rolled her eyes.
"A little excessive, though M, don't you think?"
"No, I don't think that was excessive," she retorts flippantly, turning back to the still frozen Jay. "But maybe this is. Cru…"
"Expelliarmus!"
Mal tried to fight it, but her wand was torn from her hand regardless, and judging by the swears and curses behind her, Carlos and Evie had lost theirs too.
"Now then," a brisk, Scottish woman's voice said. "That's quite enough of that. I'd take points from you if I could, but I think a detention on your first day would suffice. Let me make this clear, such behavior is unacceptable, no matter where you're from."
And with that, the older witch strode away, their wands still firmly in her hand.
"Who shat in her pumpkin juice?" Mal muttered darkly.
"I heard that, Miss Maleficent!"
Mal snarled, in response, but waited until the witch was out of earshot before continuing.
"I think I just reshuffled my list."
"Really?" Evie sighed, shaking her head.
"Don't get me wrong, Dumbledore is still at the top, but she's definitely a close second."
"Nice feint, by the way," Jay huffed, regaining his feet and shaking the stiffness from his limbs.
"Thanks," Mal muttered with a grim smile. "I could really feel the hate in your Cruciatus."
"I try," he shrugged, and Mal would have hexed the smirk right off of him if it weren't for the fact she had no wand. Then the hat called her name, and she straightened proudly.
"Right. My turn."
"That's enough dithering, you belong in...Slytherin!"
"And that's how it's done."
"Don't brag yet, Carlos still hasn't gone." Evie pointed out, but she was smiling anyway.
"Please, as if he could get anything worse than Gryffindor," Mal scoffed.
"Haha, yeah," Carlos chuckled nervously, not meeting her eyes.
"Come on, Carlos," Mal cajoled easily. "If I can get Slytherin, you can too. You just have to dredge up all that innate evil and you'll be fine."
"Right," he muttered weakly. "Innate."
"And hey, even if you don't get Slytherin, you couldn't possibly be as bad as Jay."
"Well then let's call it off," the hat announced smugly. "I suppose it should be…Hufflepuff!"
"Huh. I stand corrected."
"What was that you were saying about Potter being troublesome?"
"Headmaster, I really think we underestimated this whole situation."
"Don't fret Minerva, I'm sure with time…"
"With time the whole school will be on fire. And if they ever found out about the third floor corridor…or the Chamber…"
"Not even Potter could save us then."
"Let's give them a chance. After all, what's the worst that could possibly happen?"
'Zombie Pudding.'
No one knew exactly how it had started, only that it had started, and there were beginning to be a lot less of them to pick up the pieces.
The house didn't look occupied, but there was no real way she could tell until she actually checked. It was risky and stupid, but she wouldn't be trying if they didn't desperately need what was inside. Supplies were short enough as it is, and with no other civilization nearby, they had to make do.
The girl crept up on the balls of her feet, not aiming for the front door right away. Instead she angled her body for the side of the house, grabbing up a stick on her way and started tapping the shingles with it. She moved slowly towards the door, still banging, her free hand on her knife at her belt. She winced at the loud creak of the decrepit porch, but if her banging hadn't already scared something up…
{Mal…there?}
She hissed sharply through her teeth, fumbling blindly for the radio and switching it off one handed, the screen door screaming in protest as it's stopped by her body. Then a different kind of screaming pierces the air, and she fought to keep the panic at bay as she backed away quickly, letting the door close the rest of the way. The thing didn't move fast (they never do, she thought grimly), but it was purposeful in it's slow shuffle, and kept snapping at her even with the screen door blocking it's way.
Mal let out a shaky breath, keeping her eyes on the door and the creature while bringing her radio up slowly to her lips.
"I'm here, C," she whispered jerkily. "What is it?"
{I caught you at a bad time, didn't I?}
"Oh, not at all," she grumbled back. "Just the usual walker appearing out of nowhere."
The radio crackled with intense static, and she grit her jaw, cursing silently as a second walker appeared at the edge of the woods just off to her left.
{Do you need me to call in backup?}
"That's the last thing I need," she muttered, shifting her weight to the balls of her feet and ducking out of the way as the walker from the woods came at her, snarling.
It pivoted sloppily, teeth snapping audibly in its gaping mouth, and Mal dodged around a tree, keeping it between them and adjusting her grip on her knife. It started to come around, and she spun in the opposite direction, around the tree, bringing her knife and stabbing it through the back of the head with a determined grunt.
"One down," she whispered to herself, turning away before she could get a good look at the thing. It was easier not to think about it, to not see. Too sickening to think that it could have been someone she knew.
The one in the house was still rattling the door, and Mal strode up the porch purposefully, refusing to look at it as she jammed her knife through the screen and into its head. She opened the door, swinging her body with its momentum to avoid the falling body.
"Ok, C," Mal whispered into the radio, stepping into the living room of the abandoned house. "It's clear and I'm looking through it now."
{Copy. Hey, if you find any chocolate in yours, could you…?}
"Really?" she snorted, kicking aside a chair that had fallen and giving a wince when it clattered against the wall.
She froze, hand instinctively bringing her knife up higher, but nothing else moved in the house, and she breathed a sigh of relief, dropping her hand back down to click the radio.
"Remind me to double check the stores when we get back," she murmured, crossing into the kitchen and opening the nearest cabinet. "Just to make sure everything is still there."
There's nothing but static in response to her teasing jibe, and Mal frowned, eyeing the dented can of split pea soup and trying to decide if it was worth it. They were starving, true, and couldn't really afford to be picking, but still….
"Hey, C?" she idly directed at the radio. "You think you and Evie could work your magic enough to make pea soup taste good?"
There's still static, and Mal frowned harder, shoving the can into her jacket pocket and picking up the radio again.
"Carlos?"
{hiiissss….}
Mal knew that he could take care of himself (had to or else he wouldn't survive, no one would) but something jolted her regardless at that sound. The very obvious and very strained sound of a walker's snarl.
She didn't think. She just ran, ignoring the soup as it clattered out of her pocket and onto the floor. She grabbed her radio and was talking even before she'd reached the door.
"Ben?"
The radio whirrs a bit before his voice comes through, and despite the situation, she had to take a moment to appreciate just how in control he sounded.
{Here. What do you need?}
"It's Carlos," she gasped, trying to slow her breathing and failing. "I think he's down, but I don't know which houses he was covering."
The main road of the development appeared through the trees, and she almost kept going, about to plow her way through as many houses as she could until Ben's voice comes through again.
{I'll send Jay after him, his block wasn't too far from Carlos.'}
Mal nodded, even though he couldn't see it, relief filtering through her panic just a bit. "I'll cover the streets. Any sign of the others?"
{…none.}
And she knew that when he didn't say any more, he was thinking the same thing she was. That there hadn't been a sign because there was no sign to get. But she kept herself from saying that and instead settled on:
"I knew the city was a bad idea."
When this whole thing had started, the city had been their only haven for a time. But given the fact that Auradon was also at the center of the combined territories, it really shouldn't have been such a surprise when the walkers started pouring in from all sides. Going back hadn't been an option, especially not since the attempted purge that ended up destroying everything. But the city was all they'd ever known, and some of the group had hope.
{"I sent him over. It's going to be fine."}
"You don't know that!" Mal snapped, then sighed. "Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't have yelled."
{"It's fine. I get it, you're worried. But Carlos will be fine, you'll see."}
It wasn't until almost nightfall that Mal did in fact, see. Evie had been disappointed about the lack of pea soup- a fact that Mal only realized when she went to give it to her- but the disappointment quickly turned to panic when she found out about their missing member. Mal paced anxiously in the living room of their current 'house,' unable to keep still as they waited for Jay to return.
The others had already arrived and been briefed on the situation, but no one dared get close enough to Mal to offer any sort of condolences. Evie tried to be optimistic, but Mal knew there was really little point in that. Like those who'd tried to take back the city, hope was something that had no place in this hellish apocalypse they lived in now. Carlos was dead, and that was the optimistic outcome. She didn't want to think about the pessimistic one.
From the door, Lonnie gave a short whistle, and Mal instantly darted forward, ignoring the protests behind her as she grabbed one of the snipers from the corner. She joined Lonnie on the porch and had her gun raised even before she'd gotten there, eyeing the street warily.
"Where?" she asked the older girl, and Lonnie pointed grimly with her sword.
Mal raised the gun to her shoulder, peering through the scope at the shadowed form that was shuffling in their direction about six houses down.
"Walker?" Mal questioned, but Lonnie just gave a soft grunt in response.
Mal grit her jaw and aimed, glaring through the scope as the thing shuffled even closer. She didn't want to risk taking the shot if it were one of them; more specifically, if it were Jay, but if it was a walker….
"I'll take it," Lonnie said, and jumped over the porch railing before Mal could protest. She kept the girl in her sights the whole time, anxiously fingering the trigger as she rushed the staggering form, which stopped short as she got closer. Mal tensed, ready to fire, when suddenly Lonnie stopped, her sword falling to her side.
"No," Mal murmured, leaning forward desperately, not wanting to watch the slaughter she knew was about to happen, and yet unable to do anything to stop it.
Then suddenly, Lonnie lifted her sword, hilt up, and Mal felt her throat run dry in disbelief. Hilt up meant friends returning, which could only mean…
"Jay," Mal sighed, his form now clearly visible through the rifle's scope. But…she hadn't seen Carlos.
A part of her hated how upset the thought made her. She knew better than to hope and be optimistic, and yet her heart still seemed to clench in pain despite her efforts to remain impassive. Mal stepped back from the porch, and would have gone back inside if she hadn't remembered to keep checking for walkers. She reluctantly lifted the rifle back to her shoulder…and almost dropped it again.
"Son of bitch," she swore, her heart slamming through her chest. "That little fucker!"
Jay and Lonnie had reached the half way point of houses, and looking through the rifle now, Mal could just make out what she hadn't seen before. Wedged between the two forms was a small, hobbling figure, his pale features and bright hair unmistakable even in the dim light.
"Carlos."
Hope, as it turned out, was not quite as pointless as Mal had thought it should be. Even the smallest amount had been deemed enough to bring Carlos back to them; covered in walker slime and something dark and brown that Mal definitely did not want to know about. But she did punch him, just to let him know how not appreciated his death scare had been, even if he was relatively fine. If you didn't count his ankle, which Audrey had tended to rather expertly.
"It's just a sprain," Carlos murmured with a wince, as Jay held tightly to his hand while Audrey finished stabilizing his leg.
"It's not a sprain," Audrey scolded sharply. "It's a break, and you're lucky it wasn't your neck, or worse."
"So, remind me again," Ben put in, with an amused glance at Audrey's frown. "How exactly did you break your ankle?"
"I might have slammed it in a door frame while wrestling a walker," Carlos admitted sheepishly, which made Mal scowl, and Jay laugh, squeezing Carlos' hand a little tighter.
"That's my brave little pup," he cooed, and Carlos shoved him with his elbow.
"Shut up," he growled, but he was blushing slightly.
"And just what was so important in that house that you had to wrestle the walker instead of, I don't know…run from it?" Mal put in.
"I…may have found some pudding…."
"And I guess you just forgot to bring any back?" Audrey surmised wryly.
"Chocolate?" Ben guessed, and Carlos tried and failed to hide his wistful smile.
"Just how much pudding are we talking about?" Mal murmured skeptically, suddenly realizing the identity of the darker stains.
If anything, Carlos' smile turned even more wistful, and he leaned back against Jay's arm as if he were floating on a cloud.
"112 ounces of chocolate pudding."
And strangely enough, it wasn't questioned. In fact, rather unanimously, it was decided that wrestling a walker for that much pudding was only to be expected. And that Carlos was no longer allowed to scavenge without Jay. Somehow, Mal mused as she watched the two boys curl against each other on the hardwood flooring, she didn't think either would mind.
'Operation: Toto'
"Evie is no longer allowed to control the map," Chad grumbled, wiping mud off his grey Auradon blazer.
Mal sat up from where she'd landed, wincing at the twinge in her neck from moving too suddenly. She blinked and lifted her gaze at Evie's frustrated screech, just able to make out the other girl in the dim light as she strode over to Chad.
"Well how was I supposed to predict that a hurricane would start up in the middle of nowhere?" She snapped, and Chad took a faltering step backwards in the face of her wrath.
"Easy guys," and that was Ben's voice to her left, calm despite the fact that he looked just as winded as she did. "It wasn't Evie's fault we got lost in the storm."
"Lost?" Chad repeated incredulously. "We didn't get lost, Ben, we got freaking swept away!"
"Keep talking and you'll find out just how swept away," Jay growled, stopped short of punching the guy in the face by Evie's hand on his chest.
Mal hefted herself up to her feet, taking stock of the situation as quickly as she could. What was supposed to be a fun hike/picnic combo away from the Auradon campus had been derailed by a freak storm. Evie had been using her mirror as a GPS, and despite some of the bickering and mildly insulting banter, they'd all been having a good time. Then the storm had hit, and quickly threw them off track.
But it wasn't raining now, she noted with a frown. It wasn't even slightly damp, and the air felt different, somehow. They were on the side of some road, and street lamps from a nearby town shone in the near distance, bright enough to let them see each other. Carlos was eyeing the road skeptically; Chad, Evie and Jay were still bickering/threating each other; Lonnie was comforting Audrey, who appeared to be hyperventilating; and Ben…Ben was looking at her with a slightly mischievous grin.
"What?" Mal asked, frowning at him.
"I was just thinking you look pretty good rain-soaked and with hurricane hair," he said, and Mal snorted, rolling her eyes at him.
She was about to fire off a retort of her own, when Doug- she'd forgotten to count him, oops- suddenly spoke up.
"Hey guys?" he said, and they all stopped, turning to face the half-dwarf, who was staring in the direction of the town. "I don't think that's any of Auradon's towns."
"Great," Chad grumbled. "Not only are we lost, but we're not even in Auradon anymore. How'd you get us stranded in another kingdom, Evie?"
"Ok, easy," Ben cut in with a shake of his head. "Let's just head into town and see what's going on. Maybe we can get a place to stay and something to eat."
"And we should probably avoid the woods," Carlos added shakily, as a howling could suddenly be heard from the trees around them.
It was a shorter walk than Mal thought it would be, and soon enough, they were in the center of town. There were shops lining most of the streets, and a pawn shop belonging to a 'Mr. Gold' that Jay had to be dragged away from. Mal had cast a dubious look in the direction of the pawn shop, sensing the presence of some very dark magic guarding the place. It was enough to distract her, so she almost didn't notice the diner until Carlos gasped.
"Food!" he cried, and before they could really stop him, he'd rushed up the porch of the brightly lit building.
They caught up with him, and stopped just inside the door, awed by the restaurant. There was a bar to the right, complete with high stools, and the booths were arranged so that regardless of where you sat, you could see out the windows. The wallpaper was a reflection of the woods they'd seen, only the trees on the walls were snowy and white. Something good was cooking though, and Mal could suddenly feel the absence of their picnic.
"Hi, welcome to Granny's," a young woman said, and Mal blinked at the…rather scantily clad waitress. She was pretty though, with dark eyes and bright red lipstick, red highlights in her otherwise dark hair.
"I'm Ruby," the woman continued with a smile. "I don't think I've ever seen you guys around here before."
"No, we're from out of town," Ben agreed, and something flickered across the woman's face, too fast for Mal to interpret.
"Really?" Ruby said, and there was something like nervousness in her voice.
Another woman suddenly strode through the door behind them, side stepping around Jay and giving them all a way look.
"Hey Ruby," the woman greeted, still eyeing them carefully. "What's going on here?"
"Emma," Ruby replied, and there was definite relief in the younger woman's voice. "These are…new arrivals. From out of town."
"Oh," the woman, Emma, said, blinking. "Well, that's…interesting."
"Ok so what's the deal here?" Mal snapped, impatient and not liking the weird feelings the place was giving her. "Why all the secret looks and hidden meanings that we're not getting?"
"There you are Miss Swan, have you seen…hello."
Mal almost groaned at the arrival of another woman, this one with black hair as opposed to Emma's blonde, and were Emma had arrived in jeans and a red leather jacket (that Mal would definitely kill for) this older woman was all business. Literally.
"What do you want now Regina?" Emma did groan, turning to face the other woman.
"Well I did want to know where Henry was," the other woman snapped, just as testily. "But now I think I'll settle on who these people are."
"I'm Ben," Ben introduced, extending a hand and smiling despite the tense atmosphere. "And this is Mal, Lonnie, Jay, Doug, Evie, Carlos, Audrey, Chad and…oh right," he paused, remembering. "Jane couldn't come."
"Alright then, Ben," Regina said slowly. "What brings you to Storybrooke?"
"Story…what?" Mal interjected, and Regina glanced her way, and Mal could have been turned to stone the woman's look was so fierce.
"Storybrooke," Emma repeated, a little more gently. "It's ok if you haven't heard of it, we're not that well known."
"Ok, and which kingdom are you a part of?" Ben asked, still smiling, albeit nervously. "Because I don't think I remember hearing of you at all."
"Kingdom?" This was from Regina, who suddenly sounded unsure.
"What story are you guys from?" Emma put in, glancing in Regina's direction. "How is it that you weren't brought here during the curse?"
"Curse?" Audrey squeaked. "What curse?"
"I knew I had a bad feeling about this place," Mal muttered.
"You mean you're not from a fairytale?" Regina asked, frowning.
"We're not, per se," Doug hedged, adjusting his glasses. "But our parents were."
"Parents?" Something in Emma's voice was a little heavy, but mostly cautious.
"My parents are Belle and Beast," Ben volunteered, glancing around at the group with a nod of his head.
"Mulan," Lonnie said.
"Sleeping Beauty," from Audrey.
"Jafar."
"I'm Dopey's son."
"Maleficent," Mal said shortly, waiting for an outburst of shock or revulsion, but none came, and Chad continued the thread.
"Prince Charming and Cinderella."
"Cruella. Cruella de Vil."
"Dude, everyone knows who she is," Jay scoffed. "You don't have to clarify."
"Wow, big word for such a small…." Carlos retort was choked off rather abruptly as Jay wrestled him into a headlock.
"I apologize for…them," Evie said, stepping forward with a smile. "I'm Evie, the Evil Queen's daughter."
Emma choked, and Regina went deathly pale. "That's impossible," the brunette muttered, eyes wide. "That's…just not possible."
"It's not?" Evie said, suddenly unsure.
"I never had a daughter."
"I'm...sorry? Evie offered, and Mal shuffled her feet nervously.
"Hang on," Emma said, pointing back and forth between Evie and Regina. "Is there any way you could have had a daughter, but because she wasnt part of the curse..."
"My curse did not work like that Miss Swan," Regina said impatiently. "I kept my memories, as did Gold. And that is beside the point...she is not my daughter."
"Yeah, obviously," Jay muttered with a scoff, finally releasing Carlos, who gasped desperately for air. "She's the Evil Queen's daughter."
"I am the Evil Queen."
"Well...this just got interesting," Emma mused.
A round of hamburgers later, they were still no closer to figuring things out, and a bunch of people had come into the diner and gathered around to stare and talk about them.
"I don't know what's going on, but I feel like the crocodile is involved," Mal heard Emma mutter.
"Agreed," Regina said, and Mal pretended not to notice the way the brunette kept staring at Evie.
"But how did they even get here?" A pale woman with dark hair in a pixie cut whispered. "And what are we supposed to do with them?"
"Not to mention, Dad," Emma said with a pointed glare at the sandy haired man beside her. "That blond pretty boy over there said he's your son. Yours and Cinderella's."
"Charming?" The pixie cut said with obvious shock, and Mal had to keep from visibly reacting. That guy was Prince Charming? But she'd met him...and also what? How was Emma that guy's daughter? They were like, the same age!
"He's not mine, Snow" the man swore. "Trust me, I'd never..."
"Expect for that time you did," she countered lowly, her eyes narrowing.
"Oh?" the blond man retorted, lifting a brow. "And what was that thing with you and Whale?"
"It was one time," the woman snapped. "We were cursed."
"Guys, focus," Emma hissed. "Cheating allegations aside, that other boy is apparently one of the dwarves' kids, and that blue haired girl…"
"She is not…"
"We got it, Madam Mayor. And anyway, that Ben kid said he's Belle and Gold's, which is…also impossible."
"Well what are we supposed to do with them?" the pixie haired woman asked, ignoring the blond's glare. "If they're from out of town, we can't risk keeping them here."
"Agreed," Regina murmured, and there was a dark tone in her voice that made Mal shiver slightly.
"But if they're really who they say they are," the other woman continued softly. "We're going to have some problems."
"Some?" Emma replied incredulously.
The diner's bell chimed, and a kid stumbled through the door, carrying a giant book in his arms. Mal didn't miss the way both Emma and Regina straightened at the sight of him, but whereas Emma had open relief showing on her face, Regina's emotion was pinched and hidden with something cold and heavy.
"Henry," she sighed, and the relief that had been missing from her face was in her voice. "There you are. I was so…"
"I found the book, Mom," the kid, Henry, said, but he was addressing Emma, and barely even glanced in Regina's direction. "But I didn't see any of them in it."
"I don't know if you will kid," Emma said, and Mal didn't miss the wince she cast in Regina's direction, and apology and something else. Something like a promise, glinting in her eyes. "Some of the stuff they said just doesn't fit."
"Well why don't we ask them?"
And suddenly, the kid was at their table, grinning widely at them over the edge of the book.
"Hi," he said brightly. "I'm Henry. How did you all get to Storybrooke?"
"We don't really know." It was Ben who answered, which was probably for the best, since Mal was so on edge she was ready to stab someone. "We were just hiking together and a storm picked up; next thing we know, we're here."
"A storm?" Henry repeated, and he didn't sound skeptical. If anything, he sounded excited. "Did it look like this?"
And somehow the book was on their table, open and showing a picture of an ominous green twister that crackled with lightning. The entire thing was son unnatural it just screamed magic, and Mal shifted even more uncomfortably in her seat.
"It was kind of hard to tell," Ben said slowly, clearly not sure how to interpret the picture. "I didn't see anything like that, though. It was more…dark and purplish. And there was a lot of rain and…."
"Dark and purple?" And Mal blinked at the sudden hardness in the kid's tone. "Like…this?"
And if the green twister looked ominous, this storm was downright sinister. The clouds were thick and almost black, but there were hints of purple throughout that only served to highlight the inky darkness. This was the stuff of nightmares.
"It was something like that, yeah," Ben said hoarsely, and Henry frowned solemnly. His head turned minutely, but he stopped himself, and turned back with a quick smile.
"Well, since you're here, we should figure out what stories you're from, and maybe get you a happy ending."
"Happy ending?" Chad interjected, and Mal was surprised to hear how nervous the usual smarmy prince was.
Henry just nodded eagerly, flipping to a different page in the book; one with a castle that looked eerily familiar…
"We'll call it: Operation…Toto."