Hey guys! I hope this kind of short chapter finds you well and on time...as for the time, all I can really say is 'Oops I did it again!' (Bonus points if you get that reference.)
Before I get to the reviews, I just want to remind you to not skip the Author's Notes, especially on this chapter as I have some extremely important warnings for you.
Ok, now to the reviews.
EvietoyourMal: If you thought that was intense… haha, but yes, help is definitely needed but it's on the way! I'm slowly starting to lay that foundation of trust between the VKs and the AKs, and I'm glad you picked up on that little bit of foreshadowing with Mal and Lonnie. :) And yeah, finally got into it and some more of the angsty backstory there. I'm glad you liked the letter though and that you enjoy and look forward to my story so much! I hope you will continue to read and enjoy!
tigerladygamer: Haha, yeah she is! I debated having her sleep a bit longer and showing everyone else moving around her and how they coped without her, but then I figured it would slow things down too much and I still have so much to cover, so I woke her up.
And I will work on the timing and try to make it better for updating, haha. It's just that evenings/nights are my only times where I have any significant length of writing time, so that's usually when I end up coordinating my updates. And yes, adulting, what is that? I just got shoved into the whole thing with no instruction manuals and not enough time for shit, lol. A break sounds nice. ;)
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! We will be getting a look into Ben's plans for the council soon and in the mean time I hope you will continue to read and enjoy!
Nyehhhhh: I'm so glad to hear that you're enjoying this so much! Hopefully this update was soon enough for you and that you'll continue to follow along and enjoy.
HeirOfTheHowlingWolves: Hey, it's good to hear from you again. I'm glad you're still following along. And yes, there is a very valid (and canon endorsed) reason for that, but you'll have to keep reading to find out what that is. ;)
StoryWriting1414: I'm so glad you're enjoying this story so much, and that you love Carlos as much as I do, lol, and that you think I'm writing him so well. While I think the things the Core Four each went through their own terrible things, Carlos definitely drew the short straw. You don't need to worry, there will definitely be more of him in this fic, and I hope you will continue to read and enjoy!
Jewelz1642: Thank you so much for the kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed my take on the dynamic between Aurora and Phillip. I was afraid people might be up in arms that I so brutally crushed their fairy-tale/childhood dreams, but I'm relieved to see you liked it, haha. Even if I did crush you a little bit. ;)
And I'm glad you thought it was so accurate, and that you liked my dynamic duo of Mal and Lonnie, as well as seeing the flashback of the confrontation with Aziz and Nikki. It was definitely one of the more painful moments to write, and I am also looking forward to when that friendship is resolved, lol. I hope you will continue to read and enjoy.
manticore-gurl071134: You're welcome, and thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much and I hope you'll enjoy this update just as much. :)
GuestWhoLovesYou: Aw, thank you! I'm glad I could make you so excited with just a simple update. :) And I'm glad my AK chapter worked out and went across as I had hoped.
And yeah, I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to sound rude or dismissive or anything. It was just hard to figure out how to answer all of your questions, and most of them I either hinted at or have plans to elaborate on in the future. But there will be answers, so hopefully that will be some comfort. We actually get into some of Evie's backstory and banishment, etc. here, so I hope you'll enjoy that, too and I look forward to hearing what you think. :)
Guest2: Haha, indeed!
cross-over-lover232: That's actually not a bad idea at all, thank you for the suggestion. I've been trying to figure out how I would do any kind of Chad/Dizzy interaction and I just might do something like that. :) I hope you will continue to follow along and enjoy!
Kry Chi: Hey, it's good to hear from you again! Glad to see you're still following along, and that you're enjoying all my angst, lol. ;) In answer to your question, yes, it's pretty safe to assume. I'll be getting into some more of the backstory and details in later chapters, but all the VKs have had some kind of experience with assault, not just Jay. Yeah. Yeah, really just endless angst there…. Despite that, I hope you will continue to read and enjoy!
Time Turner: Is your name a HP reference by any chance? Haha, welcome to story, and thank you for leaving a review! I'm glad you're enjoying everything so much and that you like the way I'm portraying the characters. :) Hopefully you'll continue to read and enjoy.
spicyanemones: Interesting username, lol. Welcome and thank you so much for the kind words! I'm glad you're enjoying everything so much and that you're liking how I'm portraying all the characters. I hope you will continue to enjoy! :)
Author's Notes:
The **TRIGGER WARNINGS ** for this chapter are extremely important to be aware of! They are as follows: *Triggers for issues dealing with mental health, especially depression and self-harm* Descriptions of depression and self-harm are in this chapter.* Warnings for blood/mentions of blood. And then the standard, language, violence, implied/mentioned child abuse, implied/mentioned neglect, and brief mentions of homophobia, as well as bullying, and threats of bullying.
Note 2:
Ok guys, I'm going to be all blunt and angsty again. I uh...I kind of hate this chapter, to be honest. Sorry. It's just...rough. I mean, important character developments and all, but I don't know, it just feels rough to me.
As I mentioned above, this chapter does contain self-harm. I tried my best to be delicate and respectful of the subject matter, and as I also have similar struggles I did not want to flinch away from it or pretend like it doesn't exist. It was extremely hard to write, as the thoughts and processes that the character (Evie) experiences were drawn from my own, so I have basically laid myself out there for you all to witness. I may or may not have accidentally triggered myself writing it, and that's not to sound like a bid for attention or to try and make you pity me or anything (don't. seriously stop.) it's to further emphasize that my warnings and triggers are not to be taken lightly and are in place for a reason!
I have placed a little marker before the scene in question, and just in case you want to skip it and not risk it at all, then please, feel free to just skip over Evie's POV at the beginning of the chapter. I won't be offended, I really don't want to make anyone else go through that.
I appreciate all of you guys so much and I hope you will continue to read and enjoy! I nervously anticipate your response.
- Raven
Note 3: Final one, just in case anyone wanted to know the songs that inspired this chapter. 'Paint it Black' by the Rolling Stones, specifically the cover by Hidden Citizens
'Prayer of the Refugee' is the chapter title, (as well as last chapter's)
'Sweet Dreams are Made of This,' specifically the version by Emily Browning from Sucker Punch,
and 'Exit Music (For A Film)' by Radiohead.
Ok, now you can enjoy the chapter, and the music.
Mal
"What do you want, Uma?"
"What do I want?" The other girl repeated, that throaty laugh bubbling up in her voice, a dark gleam in her eyes. "Everything."
Mal glared fiercely, her lips twisting into a snarl. "Seems I'm fresh out of 'everything,'" she fired back icily. "I meant what do you want right now? What do you want for Jay?"
Uma's mouth twitched, something flashing behind her eyes. "Well that you'll have to take up with Harry, Mal. I think he's grown attached to your little…playmate."
Mal swore harshly under her breath, and would have thrown herself at the other girl right then, except Gil gripped her shoulder and squeezed hard, so Mal's lunge became more of a twitch. Uma laughed darkly, before turning her head and bringing her thumb and index fingers to her lips and whistling sharply. Something creaked deep beneath the deck, and a harsher laugh than Uma's filtered up through the wood, the sound wild and free and entirely cruel. Gil's grip on her fingers tightened even further, but it wasn't necessary, as Mal had gone still at the sound, her own hand clenching into tight fists at her sides.
"Harry," Uma called in a sing-song, her eyes flickering to take in Mal's reaction before grinning. "Could you bring our guest up on deck, please?"
She seemed to emphasize the 'please,' as though this were Auradon, or a visit between friends and not sworn enemies. Harry's voice murmured something that Mal couldn't make out, but then the deck creaked harder in rhythm with a set of footsteps. Mal could hear Harry's feet, but she couldn't hear anything resembling a second set of footsteps, only a rough leaden creaking that echoed strangely and made her terrified for some reason.
That reason became clear as Harry shoved open a door, and threw something onto the deck. The thing splattered onto the wood, and even though Mal knew what it was-who it was- it still took her a moment to make out Jay. He was soaked to the bone and coughing up a disturbing amount of water, though Mal was relieved that it was just that. It didn't make her happy, but she was relieved for that much, at least.
"Just keeping 'im cold for ye," Harry said with a brief laugh, and grin thrown in Uma's direction.
"I thought it was s'possed to be warm," Gil said, his fingers still clenched tightly around Mal's shoulder. "Right? It's 'I was just keeping him warm…'"
Uma rolled her eyes and ignored the other boy, but Harry looked his way just long enough to wink, before placing a finger to his lips in a secretive, shushing gesture that made Mal that much more furious.
"So, Mal," Uma drawled, strolling across the deck and nudging Jay hard in the side. "I guess the real question isn't so much what I want for Jay, but what you will give for him."
"You say that like he means something to me," Mal scoffed, but her voice was too tight, and her face too pale for it to be believed.
"Aw," Harry crooned, cocking his head and smirking at her. "She's tryin' to be unaffected. It's so cute!"
Mal growled a curse between her teeth and vowed that as soon as they were out of this situation, she would find a way to get revenge on both of them for this. But first, she had to get them out of this.
"You seem to be forgetting, Mal," Uma said, still with that vicious smirk on her face. "It was Jay who crossed the border into our territory, and Jay who suffered the consequences."
On the deck, Jay opened his eyes, and Mal shifted her feet pointedly. Instantly, his eyes shot up to hers, and something equal parts fierce and vulnerable flickered through his face. Mal tried not to think about her meeting with Jafar; the man's half-guilty confession about his son's whereabouts for the past two weeks. It didn't matter right now, and yet it came up in her mind anyway, at that look in Jay's eyes. She changed her priorities in that moment; first, she would get them both out of the pirates' territory. And then she was going to hunt down the trafficker that had had him and kill him. Painfully.
"But really," Uma continued, jerking Mal back into the present situation. "The fact that he's even alive shows that I can be reasonable."
'That Harry can show restraint,' Mal interpreted. 'And only because I said to and that can easily change.'
"You're right," Mal replied, glancing pointedly away from Jay and towards the loose bit of board just under her feet. "It is reasonable, and Jay really should have thought carefully before he trespassed."
Uma's eyes flickered, clearly not expecting Mal's agreement. Gil loosened his grip on her minutely, apparently thinking she was cooperating now, and Mal briefly felt a pang of regret for the decidedly not-cooperating plan forming in her head.
"And yeah, ok, he's kind of important to me," Mal continued, shifting her weight carefully against the board and causing it to shift even more out of place. "But not so important that I'd give you anything, and I definitely wouldn't give you that satisfaction, Shrimpy."
Uma's features twisted into a furious mask, though her eyes were still uncertain, and Mal reveled in her impending victory.
"So you'd leave him," the other girl said slowly. "Just like that."
Mal locked eyes with Jay and shifted the board beneath her one more time. It wobbled with a soft creak, and Jay's lips twitched, his head jerking imperceptibly.
"Just. Like. That," Mal repeated, before slamming her foot down hard on the board, kicking Gil's leg forward and into the gap it provided.
In response, Jay snapped his own leg out and up sharply, his foot connecting with Uma's knee and sending her to the deck with a pained scream. The sound sent something almost panicked through Harry, as the boy's eyes went wide and helpless for a moment as he shot desperately for her, and Jay took that as his chance and scrambled to his feet, limping a moment before running for Mal. She took a second to ensure that Gil was still secure, and regretted it instantly as she turned in time to watch him break the board and get back to his feet.
But Gil didn't move, at least, not towards them. Instead, he shifted his body towards Harry and Uma, and Mal frowned, not understanding.
"Go," Gil said quickly, but quietly. "They'll kill you if they catch you."
And Mal thought for a moment that he meant Harry or Uma, but Harry was just getting Uma to her feet, and judging by the way she leaned into him, she wouldn't be running after them anytime soon. Gil crossed to her instantly, lending his strength and further support, and Uma's eyes flashed as they locked on Mal, her teeth baring in a snarl. 'Harry,' Mal saw her lips say, and 'Go!' Gil's said. But she still didn't understand. Not until Harry straightened on the deck, his posture sharp and ruthless despite being barely older than Jay, his eyes snapping and intense as he cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled.
"Aaall in!"
The ship groaned, and suddenly, up on the mast, another figure appeared and repeated the cry. "All in!"
"Ah, shit," Jay hissed, shaking his head before all but throwing himself off the edge of the ship.
"Oh fuck," Mal agreed, as a much larger swarm of pirates and wharf rats began to filter in from all sides of the docks, sprinting across the deck of the ship; swinging down from the bridges and arching platforms; leaping up from crusted hulls.
She didn't stop to think then, just turned and ran after Jay, cursing herself for not going when she'd first had a chance. The whoops and screams of the pirates were uncomfortably close, and she'd lost sight of Jay the second she'd sprinted off the boat. Flashes of color streaked by in her peripheral vision, but she didn't stop, launching herself through the tunnel at the far side of the docks and back into the familiar cobbled alleys of the Isle. The footsteps behind her faltered, but didn't completely retreat, but it didn't matter. They were on 'mainland' turf now, and Mal knew the mainland like the back of her hand.
It didn't take long to lose the wharf rats, in the sharp, narrow alleys, but the bright blurs of color told her that the pirates were still in hot pursuit. Mal threw herself down a side street, bypassing the markets entirely and racing along the edges of the village. It was a roundabout way that she rarely used, but it served its purpose well enough. She managed to shake off the last of the pirates, but as she paused to catch her breath, it occurred to Mal that she didn't actually know where she was. Well, rather, she knew which part of town she was in, but she'd never been there because….
"Come here often?"
Mal spun sharply, her hand flying to her waist to grab her knife. She cursed her fumbling fingers, but managed to grasp her knife just in time to dodge another's. The foreign blade barely clipped her shoulder, and Mal cursed lowly, scanning the empty streets for a sign of her attacker.
"Apparently not," the voice said, and another blade came flying from nowhere. Mal ducked, then shifted her weight as something solid registered to her left. She brought her arm around, throwing aside another attack and swinging her knife up blindly towards the other person.
The other person, who caught her arm, twisting her wrist back painfully and snatching her knife from her unresisting fingers. Mal kicked out viciously, but her leg was blocked by another, and before she could register her precarious position, her opponent shifted their weight, and Mal was flung backwards into the street.
"This isn't your turf, little dragon," the voice called, and Mal scrambled to her feet, her face flushed hotly and her ears ringing. It couldn't have been someone that much older than she was, but Mal couldn't even tell if the voice was male or female, or which direction it came from.
"You know who I am, but you won't show yourself," Mal snapped to the shadow, pressing her back to the nearest alley wall and inching her way carefully through to next corridor. "How is that anything but cowardice?"
"How is fair, you mean?" the voice challenged, following her retreat. "It isn't."
Mal prided herself on managing to contain her shout of surprise as her shadow suddenly made itself known with those last two words; a small, lithe figure dropping down from above her and landing in a low crouch by her feet. It was a girl, Mal finally realized, after her heart stopped trying to claw its way out of her chest. But that was about all Mal could tell, and even that was more a guess as the figure was clad toe to head in black, leather pieces strategically placed to look like armor. Mal realized the reason for this being the small, thin something attached to the girl's back and secured with fraying bits of black fabric.
"Daisha," the girl said, and her voice didn't echo impossibly like it had previously.
"Mal," Mal said cautiously, relaxing her guard slightly. It was something she regretted instantly as the other girl sprang to her feet, pulling a significantly longer blade from that thin container on her back and pressing the point to the hollow of Mal's throat, the bulk of her weight behind it so that all it would take was a small shift to sever Mal from life.
"Don't leave yourself so exposed, Mal," the girl, Daisha, said. "It'll get you killed on this side of the Isle."
Mal didn't trust herself to speak, not that she really could have given the position of the sword. The other girl's face was invisible behind a thick, fabric mask, but her eyes seemed to laugh as they took in Mal; in the vulnerable position she was in. Then she was gone, leaving nothing behind to indicate that she had ever been there.
It was nearly dark by time Mal finally made it back to the other side of the Isle and to the hideout on the border. She tugged at the metal gate, jerking it up just enough for her to wriggle underneath, silently vowing (not for the first time) to find a better way to get in to the hideout. Jay was passed out on the one half rotted couch, but when Mal threw her jacket at him he lurched upright, swearing hoarsely.
"Relax, doofus," Mal grumbled, kicking aside a stray can of paint. "It's just me."
"Way to keep me waiting," Jay snapped, sinking back down onto the cushions with a glare.
"Oh like how you kept me waiting for two weeks?" Mal fired back without thinking, and she watched that hollow vulnerability creep back into Jay's eyes.
"I was busy," he muttered, though Mal didn't miss the way his arms came up to wrap around his body, the twitch of a scream across his face.
"Yeah," Mal said lamely. "I know."
The twitch was stronger this time, as Jay's eyes widened, his body stiffening defensively. "Know. What."
Mal's hands clenched into unseen fists as she turned her body pointedly away from him, her promise to kill whoever had hurt him ringing through her head as she eyed the far wall of the hideout.
"That you were busy, duh," she snapped, rolling her eyes at him over her shoulder. "Too busy to let me know you were alive, apparently."
"Wasn't like that," Jay mumbled, and Mal grimaced at the wall, trying to imagine a new color onto it and ignore all of her conflicting feelings.
"You're back now, so…I guess it's fine," Mal said, glancing at him out of the corner of her eyes. "Getting caught by the pirates sure as hell wasn't though."
"And here I was hoping you wouldn't be pissed about that," Jay replied, and Mal thought she saw him shiver slightly.
"Oh, definitely pissed," she countered, brushing a light strand of hair out of her eyes. "But more at them than you. What did Harry…why exactly were you soaking wet?"
"Fucking lunatic," Jay spat, his face twisting, his eyes gleaming darkly. "Tied me to the anchor and almost drowned me."
"Creative," Mal hummed, frowning hard at the small 'Long Live Evil' outline on the wall. "We need more people."
"Yeah, ok," Jay said with a snort, and Mal turned her glare on him.
"That stupid little shrimp controls one piece of the Island, but because it's the Docks, the only thing she really needs to be in any position of power is people. Which she has," Mal fumed, and Jay frowned, seeming to realize her point.
"I don't know how she got the wharf rats, though," he said, his brow furrowing. "I mean, they hate the pirates as much as we do."
"It doesn't matter," Mal insisted, kicking an empty can furiously. "We need. More people. If we're going to have any hope of coming back from this..."
"I know people," Jay said carefully. "I mean…a person."
"Who is it?" Mal demanded, and Jay grimaced, his head tilting slightly away from her.
"I um…I don't know if you…if your mom-"
"My mother has nothing to do with this," Mal snaps instantly, cutting him off. "My group is my group, and if you know someone Jayden you better tell me now, or I swear to Hades…."
"Ok, ok geez!" Jay threw his hands up in defeat. "She lives on the other end of the village. You kind of sort of know her already."
Mal straightened, her mind instantly snapping to the stranger she'd just met on the far side of the Isle. The girl hadn't even robbed her, Mal realized distantly. Just…teased her, really. Even the sword to the throat hadn't seemed truly hostile. Like…it was just her way of playing.
"Who is it, Jay?"
"Her name's Evie," Jay finally said. "The Evil Queen's daughter."
And whatever Mal had been expecting Jay to say, it certainly hadn't been that.
Evie
Dinner had been a rather uneventful affair, as far as the actual getting food and finding a table and sitting to eat went. It was strange, foreign, sitting there with only Jay and Carlos on either side of her. Like a vital part of her was missing, leaving a sore, hollow spot in her chest. That hollow feeling had been following Evie all afternoon; since the King had made his decree, growing and worming its way deeper and deeper until she thought she might scream with the weight of it.
She wasn't afraid to go back to the Isle, not as long as she had her crew. Mal's crew, she reminded herself as she carefully sorted all the apple pieces out of the casserole on her plate. She was part of Mal's crew, but Mal wasn't here, and Evie didn't quite know what she was without the other girl there to direct her. It was a strange irony: despite Evie being older (and only by a couple months) it was Mal who was undeniably in charge. And Evie wasn't bitter about that, like Jay had been; like Jay still was, on occasion. It seemed only right in her mind, since she had been the unwitting cause to her own banishment- to Maleficent's anger and disappointment- that Mal should be the one in control now. To have some say.
It wasn't a fear of anything or anyone on the Isle, exactly. Even her own mother had never tortured her as Cruella had with Carlos. And no one else would think of hurting her or looking at her funny, not with the reputation she had built up. That they all had built up. Mal had claimed her as one of her own and that was that. No one messed with Maleficent, or what was hers, and that extended to Mal by default.
No, there wasn't anything the Isle could throw at her that she hadn't already endured and clawed through or tamed in some way. The thing that Evie feared most was herself. Being trapped on the Isle, back to her seclusion on the other side with only her mother…Evie knew what came of that. And she was terrified of it. Of what she became.
It had been with these thoughts, and that hollow ache growing steadily inside, that Evie had sat down to dinner. And so it really hadn't been that surprising when she finally sank into it.
"…does she think she is, really?"
"Probably better off on the Isle anyway…"
"Honestly, I don't know what Ben was thinking. Her? One of us?"
"…all just sitting there. Bunch of…."
"Look at her picking at her food! What, is it not good enough for you princess?"
The whispers take a moment to register, but it's that last hiss that really does it for her. Something inside Evie collapses, her back stiffening as her mind slowly begins to piece the insults together, falling apart with each piece.
"Just ignore them, Evie," Jay says, his back to her as she shoots a glare in the direction of the vicious whispers. "They're more freakish than we are anyway. I mean, did you see the one? Her shoes don't even come close to matching her dress!"
"E-vie?"
Carlos' voice, this time, but he's too distant. Too late. Evie fumbles up from her chair, a husk of a shell of a person, hollow…hollow….hollow.
The dining hall dims away. Her feet are moving but she's not really attached to them.
"…Evie…"
Jay. But he's not following her. Just…talking….
The dining hall is behind her now. The dorms up ahead. 13. A lucky number. Or not. Depends on your view.
caution
The door closes behind her and she crosses with shaking certainty to her closet and her small suitcase inside. It's not the suitcase that Evie needs though. Not what her trembling fingers seek out. It's the small, wrinkled zipper sealed bag in the side pocket that she draws out, and stows away with in the clean, white and pink tiled bathroom.
Evie sits on the toilet and shakes as the heaviness inside latches deeper, despite the clarity in her brain. She can't do this. She shouldn't be doing this. It was weak. Cowardly. Stupid. Pathetic. Guilt and shame mix with the darkness of that hollow ache, the knowledge that resorting to this was just affirming all the things wrong with her; all the things she would never live up to. That she was better than this. That this was all she would ever amount to. That she was disappointing her friends, but that it didn't really matter because they wouldn't know. Didn't know and wasn't she just a mess.
She's not better than this.
Her hands move by instinct and rote memory, sliding open the zipper and carefully arranging the contents on the porcelain sink. A small part of Evie feels a bit of a thrill at the luxury, at the smoothness of it beneath her fingers. But it's a very small feeling, and it doesn't last long with the hollow swallowing everything but the humiliation and the pain and the more to come.
When Evie pauses to finally look, she's disappointed and humiliated further by what she sees. Two small blades; pried out of a plastic throw-away razor using children's school scissors. A small tub of cream consisting of coca butter and vitamin E- her own concoction, originally meant to help keep her face smooth and soft. It turned out to have the added benefit of fading scars. Three bandages; only two of which were of any decent size for her use. A couple inches of gauze padding and less than an inch of the tape needed to keep it secure. But really, that was fine. She'd only be needing the bandages anyway.
One of the razors is already in her hand, and the guilt and shame spike so sharply she's almost sick. For a brief, horrifying moment, she forgets why she was doing this, why she had ever started in the first place, why she couldn't. just. stop.
'Princess.'
"Lookin' good there, princess."
"Hello, gorgeous."
"Aren't you just adorable?"
"Hey princess, how about a kiss for your prince charming?"
"That's a good girl…."
triggers
A scream threatens its way up her throat suddenly, but she clamps down on it hard, stifling the sound into a whimper, and then, letting the hollow feeling swallow that too. She presses the razor firmly to the skin on the inside of her right arm, the cold metal instantly scattering her emotions and snapping her back to the current moment. She debates silently a moment, wondering if this was too vulnerable a spot; too exposed. There's already a set of fading scars here, and although they weren't noticeable now, the fresh set she would leave behind certainly would be.
It's not worth it, that small part of Evie insists suddenly. It's not worth it, it's not it's not! But she needs this, needs the physical pain to counter the hollow one. She can't put a bandage on the ache in her chest, but she can put a bandage on the cuts, and that was good enough for her in the moment. She presses the razor down again and lets it drag across her skin. It takes a second for anything to register but the coolness of the metal, but then the blood wells up in a tiny bead and the familiar sting fills some of that hollow ache inside and finally, finally she feels real again.
And as she continues the pattern and the ache falls away to something more physical, the fear of going back to the Isle didn't seem quite as valid anymore. After all, she would have her group. And she would have this. She wouldn't need much more than that.
Carlos
It's just him and the man today. The lady… 'Ella,' the man called her, usually with a sighing sound in his chest-'Mommy,' she insisted to Carlos, usually with an angry, frowning sound in her voice- she was out, Carlos didn't know where but he wasn't sad. Not with the man there. Everything was ok when he was there. His 'mommy' wasn't so loud or angry, didn't hit Carlos as much for not talking right. She even smiled, which Carlos didn't really know whether to think that good or not.
"Just you and me, huh buddy?" the man smiled, but Carlos noticed that it didn't seem like his usual smiles.
"M-m-m-m…." Carlos bit his lip and ducked his head, wishing he could just talk like a person and not a freak.
"It's ok, Carlos," the man said, sitting beside him. "Slow down and feel the words, ok? Take your time."
Carlos nodded carefully, picking at the stuffing poking through the chair and trying to remember all the sounds.
"Mmo…mom?" He finally managed, lifting his eyes cautiously to see the man's reaction. To see if he was angry at his mess up and would hurt him for it like the lady did. But the man didn't seem angry, at least, that Carlos could tell.
"Mom?" the man repeated, his brow scrunching a little. "Where is she, do you mean?"
Carlos nodded, his fingers burrowing in the soft stuffing. It was weird with her not there. The house felt different…alive, but like it was watching him in her place, just waiting for him to mess up and swallow him whole.
"She went into town for a little bit," the man answered, but he was frowning, and lifting his head to peek through the window curtains above them. "It's ok though…she'll be back."
Carlos didn't think he wanted her back, but he didn't say that out loud. Instead he watched the man and tried to figure out what the look in his eyes meant. He'd never seen it on someone else before so it took him a moment. Then he realized what it was and he tapped the man's knee.
"Sscared?" He whispered, lifting his brows slightly.
"There's nothing to be scared of, Carlos," the man said, smiling quickly, but even though he smiled it still felt strange.
"Nu-no," Carlos said, shaking his head and tapping the man again. "Yyyou? Are yyou sscared?"
"Me?" the man's smile went funny, turning off and on again so fast Carlos would have missed it if he hadn't been watching so closely. "Of course not. Like I said, there's nothing…."
Something smashed just outside the window, and Carlos flinched, while the man shot to his feet, his eyes wide.
"Carlos," he said, and his voice was fast and soft. Scared. "Under the chair. Quick! Get under the chair."
Carlos flung himself to the floor and scrambled underneath the chair, pressing his hands over his ears and squeezing his eyes shut tight. Above him somewhere, outside maybe, something else went boom and then bang! and somebody was yellingscreamingscreaming.
And then it was quiet and someone was pulling him up from under the chair. Instinct sent panic through Carlos and he kicked hard at the air, shaking his head.
"No!" he whined, squirming against the hands holding him. "Nnno, 'm'ssory!"
"Carlos! It's alright! It's…it's me. It's ok."
Carlos blinked and realized nothing hurt. No one was screaming at him. The lady wasn't back. It was the man who held him, holding him close to his chest so Carlos could hear his heart beating ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum.
"Wha-what," Carlos tried to ask, but the man just held him tighter, making a hushing sound, so Carlos wrapped his arms around as far as they could reach and burrowed himself deeper.
He didn't know how long they sat like that, but after a moment something else smashed outside, and the man jumped.
"Shit," he said, then pulled away a bit more. "Sorry…sorry, buddy. It's…it's just the neighbors…moving in. Ignore that word I said, ok?"
"Sshit," Carlos repeated solemnly, and the man made a sound that was sort of like a laugh and a cry at the same time.
"How about," he said, shifting Carlos off of his lap and back onto the chair again. "We play a game?"
Carlos smiled slowly. He liked playing games with the man. He always learned new things, like now he could count to almost twenty and he could show with his fingers how old he was- two, almost three- and knew his favorite color (it was the color the sky made just before turning grey really early in the morning, like blood but hotter), and he knew….
"You know your name, right?"
Carlos nodded eagerly, wiggling excitedly. "Yyes!"
"What's your name?" the man said, and his smile was normal now. It was in his eyes where it was supposed to be.
"Ccarlos!" Carlos said proudly, his smile growing as he watched the man laugh.
"That's right, buddy," he said. "Do you know how to spell your name?"
Carlos nodded, but this time it was slower as he thought and remembered each letter and how they sounded. "See…Ayy…Ar…Ell…O-oh…Ess," he recited carefully, before smiling again as he finished.
"That's great, Carlos," the man said, clapping softly before holding his hand up in a strange shape; like a sideways smile. "Can you do this with your hand?"
Carlos frowned and copied the gesture carefully; cupping his fingers into what he realized looked just like a 'c.' His shape wasn't as big, but that was just because his hands were smaller. [C]
"Good," the man said, changing his hand shape. "Now this." It was a fist shape, with his palm facing Carlos and his thumb against the rest of his fingers. [A]
"Great," the man said, before crossing his middle finger over his pointer finger, his palm facing Carlos still. [R]
Carlos copied that too, though it took him a couple tries because his fingers kept uncrossing.
And then, following the man's lead, he folded his fingers over until only his pointer and thumb fingers were extended in an l shape; his palm facing the man. [L]
And then, he cupped his fingers again, all the way around so his thumb touched the tips of his other fingers. [O]
And finally, another fist shape, but this time his thumb was in front of the rest of his fingers, his palm facing the man. [S]
"Carlos," the man said when he finished the last shape, a sharp twinkle in his eyes. "Do you know what you just did?"
Carlos shook his head, his smile fading slowly. Had he done it wrong? Was he in trouble? He tensed slightly in anticipation- this was usually the part where the lady would start yelling or hurting.
"You just spelled your name," the man was saying, and Carlos lifted his eyebrows in surprise.
"Rrreally?" he mumbled, unsure.
"Yeah you did!" the man cheered quietly, laughing a bit. "It's called sign language, and people who can't talk use it to communicate."
Carlos drew himself upright instantly, something warm and big flickering inside his chest. "I can ta-ta-talk wwwith….?" He paused, trying to remember the shapes his hands had just made.
"You can," the man said softly, leaning closer. "And you will, I promise. But for now, I'll show you the alphabet…make a fist, like this...with your thumb, just there….that, Carlos…that is the letter 'A.'
Carlos
Carlos sat at the table beside Jay, and tried to ignore the whispers around him, and the whispers in his head. He eyes the plate before him, and bites his lip at the thought of putting any of it into his mouth. There's soup with a name he can't pronounce, but which Jay had unenthusiastically reported tasted like sour cream but without all the sour curds that made it good. Then more fruit…so much fruit, none of them really knew what to do with it. And a pasta dish of some kind that was called 'casserole,' which Evie had placed onto her plate and then paled at when she realized it had apples in it. Jay had some kind of brown, bread shaped bit of meat and some of the soup, but that was it. Neither of them spoke, but the silence was more than made up for.
"Bunch of freaks," Carlos hears someone mutter from the next table over. "Should never have been allowed off the Isle in the first place."
Jay grimaces, but says nothing, shoving a bit more meat into his mouth. Evie goes a shade paler, and Carlos nudges her knee with his own. She jumps, and her eyes are bright when she looks at him, so wide he can see all her emotions in them.
He signs discreetly; pointing to her before touching his thumb to his fingers in an 'O' shape; and then extending his index and middle fingers in a sort of 'flag' with his thumb placed just between the two of them. [You O.K.?]
She nods quickly, a flicker of a smile and a brief touch of her thumb to her chest, her fingers open in a 'five' shape. [Fine.]
Carlos scowls at her, his eyes narrowing as he signed; placing the back of his hand to his left cheek in a plat palm, his fingers towards his chin; and then sliding it down, under his chin and then back up to his opposite cheek. [Lie.]
Evie bares her teeth at him, flipping him off and effectively stopping his concerned questions. The hall was too loud for conversation, not that he would have tried. But everyone else didn't seem to get that as they continued to yell, and yell and yell and….
Carlos drew a breath and shoved his plate away to the center of the table. Jay snatches the roll off his plate and slides it into the side pocket of his bag, and Evie continues to pick at her casserole.
"It's gonna be o-ok, right?"
Jay blinks at him, and Evie hisses a bitter laugh between her teeth. "Sure, Carlos," she says lowly, her voice blank. "It's gonna be just fine. We'll all go back to the Isle, to our parents, and Auradon will forget that we ever existed, which is fine, because they'll make sure of it."
Jay flinches, and Carlos hunches his shoulders, his fingers twisting his dog tail so hard it snaps off the chain.
"E, what the hell?" Jay snaps sharply, while Carlos scrambles desperately for the red fur decoration, snatching it up from the floor and stifling a whimper as he examines it and discovers that the small metal loop that had held it to the chain was bent, and couldn't be reattached.
"I didn't mean…," she falters, then shrinks into her seat as well. "I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean it like that."
"Like fucking what?" Jay growls, but Carlos knows her words had gotten to him, too. "Nothing like that is gonna happen, Evie. We're still together, and we'll still be together. You said it yourself, no way in Hell I'm letting you take it back now."
"I know," Evie says, her shaking voice making it almost a whimper. "I know, I just...I don't..."
"Evie, breathe," Jay commands sternly, and Evie gasps, a shudder going through her body.
"I'm ok," she murmurs, but she doesn't lift her eyes from her plate, and everyone else is still whispering and Carlos knows that she's just trying to convince herself, that it's only a matter of time before
"...not good enough for you, Princess?"
Some Auradon girl hisses at Evie, and Carlos watches the switch flip behind her eyes, something shattering and sinking all at once.
"Just ignore them, Evie," Jay insists firmly, but he's not looking at her. Carlos is though, and he knows it's too late for that, knows the words are already deep inside her.
"E-Evie?" He whispers, but she's shoving herself up from the table, her eyes not seeing anything...like Evie had disappeared and left her body entirely.
"Evie, don't," Jay says, and though his voice is low, it carries enough that a couple of the kids turn and stare. "Just sit down and we'll...Evie."
Carlos bites the inside of his cheek hard, his finger wringing around his broken dog tail as Evie stumbles her way out of the dining hall, the doors clanging hollowly behind her. Jay lets out a sharp hiss of air between his teeth, his hands pressing against his eyes weakly.
"J-ay?" Carlos whispers, his eyes still locked on the door, suddenly afraid and not entirely sure why. "Jay?"
"Leave it, Carlos," the other boy mutters, his shoulders tense and bowed.
Carlos bristles ever so slightly at the command, his stomach clenching slightly. 'Leave it!' was his mother's...was Cruella's favorite command to use for him. 'Leave it,' all slow and condescending, when she didn't want him touching anything or wanted to direct him somewhere else. 'Leave it, Carlos, that's a good boy.' 'Not that, no! Naughty puppy, over here.'
"Nnnot your dog," Carlos bites out, and Jay lifts his head and blinks at him dully.
"What?"
"I-I-I'm nnot your dog," he repeats hoarsely, but his confidence is wavering too much, his thoughts and all the voices too strong. "I wo-won't just 'leave it.'"
"Fucking…hell, just…fuck," Jay shoves his seat back abruptly from the table and Carlos copies him sloppily, his own chair skidding harshly and effectively drawing everyone's eyes.
Carlos can see Ben in the center table with the rest of the Auradon crew, the other boy's eyes sad and penetrating, even from this distance. And Chad…something tight and hot coiled in Carlos' stomach as he realized that the blond-haired boy was also staring at them, his jaw set and making his expression impossible to read.
"Jay…" Carlos hisses desperately, but the older boy shakes his head sharply and cuts him off.
"I'm going to need you to shut up, 'Los," he mumbles, and Carlos catches the dark look in his eye, the way he'd dropped his head so his hair could conceal his face.
"Y-you can't just…Jay," Carlos whimpers, chasing after the other boy as he starts a purposeful march for the doors. "Jay, you ha-ha-have to be…you're…Ma-mal's not here, so yyou have to be."
"No," Jay says tightly, his voice shaking with barely suppressed emotion. "Right now, I have to hit something."
"Jay-"
"Carlos," the other boy's voice was suddenly deadly still, his entire body coiled and vicious. "Leave. It."
Carlos reels back from the blow, his blood pounding hard in his ears. Jay's form wavers before his eyes, then vanishes when he blinks, the dining hall doors slamming behind his darkened silhouette.
Leave. It. Leave. It. Leave. It LEAVEITLEAVEITLEAVEIT!
He hadn't realized he'd been drowning until he tried to move, and it took all of two seconds for the water to close in over his head. Carlos scrambles desperately, his eyes registering only vague shapes, noise pounding in his head and drowningdrowningdrowning…. It took all of two seconds for the water to close over his head and only four seconds after that for him to sink.
He stumbles and nearly falls, but something solid breaks against him, giving way and jolting him upright.
"Woah, where you goin' freak?"
Carlos' stomach turns itself inside out and he pitches violently away…and into another solid something.
"Aw come on freak, you can't leave so soon!"
When Carlos runs into the next person, they hit back. He feels the blow low in his gut and he groans, then clamps down hard on his tongue. He regrets it instantly at the sharp pang of pain the action brings, along with a sour, copper taste when the next blow comes. He forces himself to keep his eyes open, and he recognizes the three boys surrounding him now…namely, the shaggy dark hair that flickers across his vision before disappearing with another sharp blow.
"I mean, we'll all just be so sad to see you go," one of the boys hisses, hands squeezing with brutal intent around his wrist, snapping it back until Carlos' breath cuts off with sudden panic.
"But really, it was only a matter of time." The shaggy hair feels like it's constricting around his throat, a different set of hands torturously bending each of his fingers back until they crack, hanging on just a second longer...just a bit more and something would snap…
"Guys...hey, back off."
The swarm of hands holding him upright falter, and it takes two seconds for the water to close over his head, four seconds after that for him to sink…and five seconds for him to be pulled back up.
"Back off, Kory. Now."
Carlos isn't sure what it is that goes through him at the voice, but the other boys separate in its wake and give enough space for the newcomer to get through.
"Just sending the freak off is all," Kory snickers while elbowing Carlos hard in the side. "Auradon's just not gonna be the same without him, right Chad?"
"That's for sure," Chad replies, and Carlos can hear the snarl in his voice and cringes back as the other boy reaches for him suddenly. "But de Vil is mine, Kory, so back off."
Kory scoffs sharply, and Carlos tries to creep away, but it only serves to put him closer to Chad.
"There's plenty of the freak to go around," one of the other goons mutters, and Carlos is all set to start biting people again at that particular set of words when Chad grasps his shoulder and jerks him sharply towards him.
"Yeah, but seeing as we're trying to set an example here, I figured why not spend some good, 'quality' time with de Vil, right?" Chad drawls lazily, his fingers firm on Carlos' shoulders. "I mean, seeing as it's probably the only attention he's ever gotten in his miserable, lonely, pathetic excuse for a life."
Carlos growls as the other boys all laugh, and tries to jerk himself out of Chad's grip, but the older boy is relentless, and pinches hard with his fingers and forcing Carlos to be still again.
"You got that right," Kory jeers lowly, then glowers at Carlos. "Hey, you should be thanking Charming, freak, Maybe he'll knock some goodness into you and you can stay."
"Wouldn't that just be great?" Emil hisses, grinning darkly. "Getting to stay here with us instead of going back to whatever little hole you crawled out of."
"Alright, lay off," Chad grumbles, his grip so tight Carlos is certain something might break. "Keep going like that and I'll have nothing left."
The other boys scoff and spit curses at him, but their posture is less hostile, and Chad angles Carlos sharply away and towards the doors.
"Let's go de Vil," he snaps with faux-cheer, and then suddenly, lower, right in his ear: "Head down and keep walking. Say one word and I swear I'll finish what Kory started and break your wrist. Move."
And so Carlos moves, keeping his eyes glued firmly to the floor, his right hand gripping his dog tail while his left begins to frantically sign... 'A' 'B' 'C' 'D'...
Chad marches him out of the dining hall, but doesn't stop, just keeps shoving him forward, until they're almost back into the main part of the school. Just when Carlos begins to debate running for it, Chad tugs open a classroom door and shoves him inside, slamming and locking the door behind them both. Carlos instantly sprints for the window, ignoring Chad's shout behind him, and he'd snapped the latch and had the window thrown open in seconds. He doesn't even hesitate, just launches himself through and rolls, hitting the ground harder than he'd intended but he was away and free and that was all that mattered.
"Carlos!"
He trips when he looks back at the sound of his name, and he catches himself but he'd misjudged just how supportive his arms would be after having been bent back as severely as they had. His wrist twinges painfully as he lands and buckles, and he curses jerkily, shoving himself up to his knees and bracing to push up and off again...
And then Chad was there, grabbing him by the back of the collar and yanking him up to his feet.
"Damn, you can run can't you?"
"G-g-get off," Carlos tries to sound fierce but it's all just too much and he can feel the water rushing up again. "Get off, do-don't...don't touch mme!"
Chad's hand instantly is gone from him, but he suddenly wishes he'd persisted because now there was nothing and no anchor and no air and he couldn't...he couldn't breathe and everything was going to Hades and Mal was gone...Mal was gone and Jay had left him...Jay had left him again and it was just like...just like...just like...
"Carlos, I know you can hear me...I'm hoping you can hear me..."
He stumbles away and hits something solid and it's solid solid and doesn't give way and he crumples against it weakly, gasping hard and sobbing without sound.
"Hey, it's going to be ok, but you need to calm down. Carlos? I need you to take a breath. You have to breathe, Carlos."
He couldn't breathe that was the point, and he tries to convey as much but all that comes out is a choking sound.
"There is plenty of air, so don't try and give me bullshit about that. I'm breathing, aren't I?"
He hears it, the 'hee-huh' sound of an overdramatic huff of breath, and he blinks hard, trying to mimic the gesture.
"Yeah, ok, could be better but you know what I'll take it. Do it again Carlos. Just like that."
He was sitting on the ground, he realizes dizzily. He was outside on a corner section of the lawns, and he was sitting against something tall and rough and...roundish? Carlos fumbles cautiously and feels that same grating sort of roughness against his fingers, and the voice snorts weakly.
"It's a tree, dumbass. Open your eyes all the way, de Vil."
He does, if only so he can glare at who he'd only just recognized as Chad, but when he looks at the other boy he's surprised at just how close he is...at the expression on his face. Despite the seeming mockery of his tone, Chad's face is startlingly pale, his eyes wide and shadowed, something deep and fearful and horrifying...something knowing...in his eyes.
"Ho-ho-ho-how?" He croaks, shoving himself further upright against the tree, mystified. "Ho-how did you...?"
Chad's chin lifts minutely, and the fear spikes sharply before settling itself down into something more neutral and less revealing. "Let's just say I've had my share of experiences and leave it at that, ok?"
And Carlos suddenly remembers that moment back in the dorm rooms with Ben and Chad; how the blond haired prince had gone pale when Carlos had suggested the age of seven...the memory playing behind his eyes and how rapidly it had been covered up and replaced with something different; how even now, that same moment seemed to be echoing in Chad's thoughts...the way he'd said 'experiences...'
"Nno fucking w-way," Carlos exhales, sitting up so sharply he slams his head against the tree.
"What?" Chad snaps, his body stiffening defensively, his eyes narrowing. "I don't like the way you didn't say that."
It's a cheap shot, and a pitiful attempt despite the way it still makes Carlos cringe ever so slightly.
"Yyeah, I can't ta-talk," he mutters shortly. "Wh-what you did...you...you..."
"Damn it," Chad groans, rolling his eyes up and shoving himself onto his feet and away from Carlos. "Son of a..."
"Sson of a m-other," Carlos suggests pointedly, and he's rewarded when Chad flinches, his eyes darting away. "Oh...oh sshit."
"Shut up."
"Sshit!"
"Shut. The. Fuck. Up."
"Bu-but I don't...," Carlos shakes his head, and then squints viciously at the other boy. "Is tha-that why you stopped them? Is that...and you know how...bu-bu-but your mom's Cinderell-Cinderella!"
"Yeah, my mom's Cinderella!" Chad snaps, turning sharply and smacking his palm against the tree beside them. "My mom's Cinderella and she had a Wicked Stepmother who was really...fucking...wicked..." he trails off and takes a shaky breath, and when he continues his voice is soft but just as shaky.
"My mom's Cinderella, and she still wakes up some nights in a panic because she'd forgotten to iron a shirt..."
And Carlos has nothing to say. He doesn't even know how he's supposed to feel, but he thinks that happy might not really be appropriate here. Relief, maybe? And the tiniest flicker of...something...
"I didn't kn-know that," he murmurs instead, picking at a loose thread at the hem of his shirt.
"Yeah, well. Welcome to Auradon," Chad mutters in response, his lips quirking bitterly. "The place where we'll drop everything to help out the children of our sworn enemies and don't give a damn about the shit that our own people deal with."
"That's wwhy you hate me," Carlos says, his eyebrows lifting in realization. "Isn't it?"
"I...I don't hate you, de Vil," Chad hedges, and Carlos frowns.
"Bu-but you're nnot calling me 'Carlos' either..."
"I'm in between, ok?" Chad sighs, and Carlos shuffles his feet nervously, suddenly rethinking everything he'd thought he'd come to know about the other boy. "But I did mean what I said in the dining hall."
Carlos lifts his head to cautiously meet Chad's gaze, and finds that his eyes are once more hard and unreadable. "Those guys aren't allowed to mess with you anymore," Chad says briskly, straightening his blazer. "And if you somehow manage to get the words out to tell anyone about any of this...I will break your arm."
"G-got it," Carlos mumbles, and Chad...smiles at him? And then instantly changes it to a scowl, intentionally knocking his shoulder into Carlos' as he shoves past him to head back to the school.
"See you around, Carlos," the other boy waves dismissively without turning around. "Or not. I could care less."