It had been a few months since Melisandria had come to teach Fenris to read. She came by every day when she had time, in between jobs, and sat there with him, working through each word, each phrase, each paragraph and section, each chapter. Fenris got frustrated many times, but Melisandria believed in him and told him not to give up.

It was another normal day for the two of them, just an uneventful day filled with teaching. Melisandria lay on the couch behind Fenris as he sat on the floor, his back resting against the edge. He had gone through the whole book several times with Melisandria, but she was now having him read to her from the beginning. Melisandria lay on her side as she listened to Fenris slowly read through the book, moving from chapter to chapter with growing ease. She smiled as he pronounced each word clearly and carefully, making sure that he understood what it was that he was reading.

As he read, Fenris felt Melisandria's warm breath on his ear and neck, the soft touch of her hand as she rested a hand on his shoulder. He hadn't forgiven himself for what he did to her, but he was beginning to believe that she had. Or was starting to. He continued to read to her and felt comfortable being near her again, something he hadn't been able to feel in months.

As he finished reading the book, a couple hours having passed, Fenris closed the book and looked behind him at Melisandria. She had fallen asleep somewhere towards the ending of the book, the softness of Fenris' voice lulling her to sleep as he read. She hadn't been able to sleep lately, her nightmares coming at her once again with full force. This time, though, the horrors of losing her mother were added, as well as the night she last saw Carver. For once, as Fenris read, could Melisandria sleep peacefully.

Fenris turned and watched her sleep, missing how peaceful her face was as she slept, so gentle, so serene and calm. He put a hand to her cheek and brushed away some of her hair as it slipped from behind her ear. He smiled at her beauty, having missed being so near to her. He was about to stand and grab a blanket for her, but Melisandria woke up, nuzzling into his hand.

"Fenris?" she asked, looking up at him through tired eyes.

"You fell asleep." He said, moving up to the couch next to her. "It would seem that my words are so boring that they lulled you to sleep."

Melisandria sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Hardly. You are getting much better as each day passes, Fenris. I just haven't been sleeping well of late and your voice was soothing."

He looked at her as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Why have you not been able to sleep?"

"My nightmares started coming back." She said, pulling her knees into her arms. "Not just the ones of Bethany, but now losing Carver and seeing Mother like that…. It's just been too much, lately…"

Fenris wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms, but he knew he had to keep his distance. He put a hand on her arm. "It is always hard when one loses those they care about. Time will heal all wounds, you just need to be patient."

Melisandria looked at him and smiled a little. "I know, but the pain has woven itself so deep in my heart that sometimes I cannot bear it. My chest aches, my mind reels, everything around me spins out of control. I can't handle it by myself."

Fenris squeezed her arm gently, in as comforting way as he could. "You have each of us here for you to help you through it all."

Melisandria smiled. "Well, thank you for reading to me. You have been getting much, much better at reading." She stood and stretched. "I should get going. Merrill needed to speak with me about something."

Fenris stood with her and walked her to the front door. "Be careful."

Melisandria smiled and nodded and said goodbye. Fenris watched as she walked across the courtyard and down towards Lowtown. He closed his door and went back to his study. He picked up the book of Shartan and continued to read, determined to finish the book on his own.

It was a long trek back down Sundermount and back home. Melisandria's mind was reeling from the battle with the Varterral, losing Pol, nearly losing Merrill to her own despairs as she fought to obtain the arulin'holm from the Keeper.

As she stepped inside her home, she went to her room and set her staff against the wall near her wardrobe, recalling the conversation she had with Merrill. The elf mage was so grateful to her for helping her get the arulin'holm. She explained that none among her kind could understand her efforts, fully appreciate what she is trying to do. Melisandria could understand, but the use of blood magik had her worried.

A knock sounded at her door and Orana stepped inside, bowing her head in greeting. "Mistress, you have a visitor. He is waiting in the library."

"Thank you, Orana. I will be down there shortly." Melisandria said.

When Orana left, Melisandria changed out of her clothes, pulled on a chemise and slipped into her robe before she went downstairs and into the library. She looked around and saw someone on the second floor of the library. When she reached the top of the stairs, she smiled.

"Anders!"

The mage turned and looked at her, a soft but tired smile on his lips. "Melisandria, I'm sorry to just drop in. I had no patients and I thought maybe we could talk."

Melisandria nodded. "Of course, what's on your mind?"

"This is something that has been on my mind for a long time…" Anders started pacing as he began. "I don't know how to do this…"
Melisandria sat in one of the armchairs near the window. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

Anders stopped for a moment and looked at her. It was time he told her how he felt, but he knew the way she looked at Fenris, the way he looked at her- or used to. He didn't want to prey upon the situation, but he couldn't hold it in any longer. "Mel, I…."

Melisandria felt a tightness in her chest.

"Over these past few years, you have been there for me. You have supported me and have had faith in me for so long, sometimes even when I don't deserve it. You have kept me from losing myself to Justice, from becoming more of a monster than I already am and I would do anything to repay you." Anders started, his tone becoming more urgent. "I can't think straight anymore; all I can think about, all I can dream about…" he paused and looked at her. "is you."

Melisandria's heart raced even faster now, hearing this.

"You are everything to me. You have shown me a kindness and acceptance that no one else ever has, not even the Warden Commander after she stopped the Blight and defeated the remaining darkspawn hordes. I cannot do anything anymore without considering how you would act, how you talk, how you would handle the situation. You've rubbed off on me in ways I never thought anyone could."

Melisandria stood and turned to look out the window. She wasn't sure what she was hearing or what to expect next.

"Mel, I have come to care for you in ways further than just a simple friendship. I would do anything to keep you safe. I worry for you, I ache for you, but I can't risk losing you, I can't risk hurting you."

Melisandria wrapped her arms around herself, closing her eyes. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Anders was professing his feelings for her. She loved Fenris more than anything, but she cared for Anders, too. She couldn't figure out what to do about any of it.

"Mel, I love you but I don't want to get in the way of what you and Fenris have." Anders said, his voice saddening.

At that, Melisandria turned and looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Anders…"

Anders' face fell when he saw the tears and he started to turn away. "Mel, I'm sorry… I-"

Melisandria shook her head and ran to him, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face into his chest. "Anders, you know that I love Fenris more than anything else in this world or in the Fade. You have been there for me, understood the things only mages could, but Fenris has given me something that I never thought to have in my lifetime to be possible."

Anders wasn't sure what to do, but he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close, letting her cry and let her get everything out.

"I gave Fenris everything I had and he left me. I have been heart broken and lost since then. I can't stop thinking about him and I am trying to get over him, but I can't. Then, I lost Mother and everything seems to keep going downhill from there. I don't know what to do…."

She cried and cried and Anders just held her. Her sobs were muffled in the thick fabrics of his robes.

"I keep losing everything and everyone closest to me. I fear I will lose Aveline, Varric, Isabela, Merrill… I fear I will lose even you, Anders…" She continued. "I can't lose anyone else, Anders. Please don't leave me… Please don't ever leave me…"

Anders hugged her more tightly, his heart aching for her. He felt her pain as if it were his own and he didn't know what he should do or say. "Mel…"

She looked up at him. "Anders, I know you care for me, that you would do anything for me. Please, just promise that you will never leave me?"

Anders tried to manage a smile. "I promise." He kissed her forehead and squeezed her gently.

"Thank you…" Melisandria replied.

"It is getting late. Let's get you to bed." Anders said and led her from the library and back up to her room. She pulled off her robe and set it aside as she sat down on the bed.

"Anders, I'm sorry I can't give you the same love you have for me…" she said, pulling her knees up to her chest. "We have been through so much together and it would be easy for us to be together, but…"

"But you love Fenris." Anders finished.

Melisandria looked up at him. "With all my soul."

Anders put a hand on her arm. "Mel, I will always love you, no matter what, and I will always protect you with every ounce of strength that I can. I understand that your heart belongs to Fenris and I envy him for keeping it even after he hurt you so. But I will never stop loving you, and whatever comes our way, I will stand by you through it all."

Melisandria managed a smile at that and hugged the mage, her closest friend. He understood everything she was going through, knew her pains, her worries, her joys as a mage, something Fenris could never understand. He loved her because of her strength, her cunning, her diplomacy, for being herself. Fenris loved her for the same things, but he looked even further than that to see her very being, her very soul. She loved Anders as a friend, a companion, as family, but she loved Fenris in a deeper and more intimate way than she did Anders. She felt guilty for not loving him the way that he loved her, but she was glad to have someone who loved her as much as Anders felt she deserved.

Anders kissed her forehead and tucked Melisandria into bed before he let himself out. He bid Orana a good night and left through the cellar door and into Darktown, locking the door behind him. He tucked the key back into his robes, hidden next to the Tevinter Chantry amulet Melisandria had given him after they returned from the slave holding caves. He felt a relief, like a burden that had been lifted after he told Melisandria how he felt. He knew now that he would never be with her, but to know that she knew of his feelings made him feel better. She knew his heart was hers if she wished for it, but he was prepared that she would never take it.