Hey Guys! Sorry this chapter came out a little later than normal. I'm going to be honest, I've been struggling writing lately and I lost some of my motivation for this story, and am trying hard to get it back. I cracked this chapter out in a couple of hours and I really like it so I hope you guys do too. I show a darker side of Clarke that isn't written in a lot fics, but I tried to stay as true to the character as I could. I hope you huys enjoy!
Warning: Torture
Lexa and Indra both walked out of the prisoners tent and wiped the red off their hands. They hadn't been too aggressive with their questioning yet, but they would be soon if Emerson didn't start talking. "Be ready. We'll go again soon," Lexa said.
"Sha Heda," Indra replied before walking off to do her own thing.
Lexa gave a curt nod to the guards outside the tent and started to walk back through the camp. She needed to find a certain blonde and make sure she was okay. Whatever Emerson had said earlier had clearly gotten to her. Lexa would be lying if she said she wasn't thinking about what he could have meant and what secrets still existed over Clarke's past, but she wasn't going to push the blonde for answers. Hopefully Clarke would be willing to talk to Lexa on her own.
Lexa made her way to the healer's tent. She figured that Clarke would have gone there to see Octavia while she was busy with Emerson, but a commotion over by the treeline caught her attention.
Lexa looked up to see Clarke limping into the camp with open and bleeding gashes and fresh bruises across her face. She ran to the blonde and stopped right before her, her eyes scanning over every possible injury she could make out. "What happened," Lexa asked as she continued her quick examination.
"Ontari," Clarke grunted.
Lexa's brows furrowed, the name wasn't familiar. "Who?"
"Her assassin name is No Mercy," Clarke said, looking into a pair of worried green eyes.
Lexa's eyes widened. Of course she recognized that name. No Mercy was known as the most aggressive and ruthless assassin in all of the coalition. She chose to make her kills suffer and sometimes it impaired her mission, but she still always seemed to escape before anyone could stop her or kill her.
"I'm fine Lexa," Clarke said, reading the worry on her lover's face.
"You need to see a healer," Lexa replied.
"I don't need-" Clarke started, but was cut off by a dangerous glare from the Commander. She sighed, "Alright fine."
Lexa reached for the blonde and easily lifted her into her arms and started to walk towards the healer's tent. Clarke gasped in surprise as she was lifted off her feet. "I can walk Lexa," Clarke tried, but the brunette wasn't going to budge.
She led Clarke into the healer's tent and laid her down on a bed. Octavia, Raven, and Bellamy were all in the tent together and their eyes widened when they saw Lexa carrying in an injured Clarke. Abby also saw her daughter's arrival and she sprung to her feet to begin her examination.
"What the hell happened?" Raven asked as Abby worked on checking her daughter's wounds.
"Got attacked in the woods. No big deal," Clarke said and she winced as her mother prodded at her injured ribs. Lexa's eyes narrowed at Clarke's attempts to ignore her injuries and so did everyone else. Clarke rolled her eyes, "I'm fine. Trust me, she got way worse than I did."
A few minutes later, her mother finished with her examination and left Clarke alone to speak with her friends. "Alright, now will you tell us what happened?" Octavia asked.
"I went out into the woods to clear my head. I got lost in my thoughts and didn't notice that I wasn't alone until I was tackled to the ground. It was Ontari, better known as No Mercy," Clarke explained, not really going into much detail.
"No Mercy? That's a pretty stupid name," Raven commented.
"Also very self explanatory," Bellamy added.
"She's an assassin. One of Nia's favorites," Clarke said. "We never got along. She enjoyed killing and made sure to make people suffer. I hated her for that. She called me weak and soft because I didn't enjoy death like she did."
"Why did she attack you?" Lexa questioned.
Clarke tensed slightly which only further aggravated her injuries, and she winced. She looked hesitantly around the room and her eyes stayed on Bellamy for a moment. He was the only one in there who didn't know that she was The Shadow and Octavia quickly picked up on that. "Hey Bell, would you mind going and checking on Lincoln?"
"But-" Bellamy started.
"Please," Octavia replied. Bellamy wanted to argue, but he looked around the room and seemed to understand that he needed to go. He sighed and nodded, before unhappily leaving the tent.
Once he was gone, Clarke was able to explain. "Nia probably sent her after me. As The Shadow, Ontari always hated me and she was the quickest assassin to get under my skin. We butt heads a lot and Nia knows how much I hate her. She sent her here to threaten me, and also, to threaten all of you."
"What do you mean?" Raven asked.
"She wants me to suffer. She knows the best way to do that is by going after the people I care about. Ontari said that she was going to take over the coalition, that we wouldn't be able to stop her and she explained to me how she was going to torture all of you guys and force me to watch," Clarke said, shuttering at the images that fluttered through her mind. She turned to Lexa, "Did you get anything from Emerson?"
"No. He's not talking. Not yet anyway," Lexa replied.
"Well we need answers. I can get them," Clarke said.
"No," Lexa replied immediately, already knowing exactly what Clarke meant. She wasn't going to let her go down this path and do something so dark.
Unfortunately, Octavia and Raven didn't quite get what the blonde meant. "How would you get him to talk?" Octavia questioned.
"By any means necessary," Clarke replied blankly. She knew the path she was about to walk down, but Ontari's threat genuinely scared her. She knew how bad the torture was in Azgeda, especially when Nia held a grudge against the person being tortured. She couldn't let any of her friends go through that, and she would go as dark as she needed to keep them safe.
"You mean torture?" Raven said. "Do you really think you could do that? Torture someone to get them to talk."
"I've done it before," Clarke replied darkly. When Raven and Octavia's eyebrows raised in question, Clarke explained. "Do you really think Nia trained me to become a top assassin without teaching me how to interrogate someone?"
"It's not an interrogation Clarke," Raven argued. "It's called torture."
Clarke swallowed, "As long as I get the answers I need."
"I'm not letting you do that Clarke," Lexa said sternly.
"Well I'm not letting you or anyone else get hurt because of me. He has to know something that can help us figure out Nia's plan, and I'm going to get him to tell me what that is."
"I'm not going to let you go down that path," Lexa argued. She knows what torturing someone does to a person. She hates that feeling, but she does because it's her duty. She's not letting Clarke follow in her footsteps.
"I've already been there Lexa," Clare argued.
"Clarke, torturing someone for information is difficult to bare. You have to succumb to your inner darkness, and sometimes it's hard to pull yourself out when it's over," Lexa tried to change Clarke's mind.
"I'm aware. I know how to control myself. I learned the hard way."
/
4 months into training with Dak
Clarke woke up as usual and put on her training gear before getting ready to leave her room. She made sure all her armor was secure and her weapons were properly placed before she opened her door, and was surprised to see Dak standing there waiting for her. "Dak? I thought I was meeting you on the training grounds."
Dak looked at Clarke nervously, "Not today. Queen Nia wants to lead your training for the next few days. I have an assignment she wants me to finish and I'll be gone for a couple of days."
Clarke could feel her heart rate already beginning to speed up. Training with Nia was not going to be pleasant and the idea of it gave Clarke a feeling she didn't feel too often anymore. Fear. "Dak…"
"I know," Dak said. "But you can do this. It's not going to be easy, but you're gonna be okay. Ste yuj," he tried to comfort her as best he could. "She's waiting for you. Don't make her wait long."
Clarke nodded before she started to walk down the hall to meet Nia, "Good luck Dak," she called over her shoulder before she picked up the pace to make it to Nia.
A few minutes later Clarke was allowed entrance into Nia's throne room. She entered and walked into the center of the room, before the throne, and dropped to a knee. "My Queen."
Nia was seated in her throne with Emerson and a few guards behind her. A couple more guards were scattered along the perimeter of the room, all of them armed, all of them keeping a close eye on Clarke.
Nia smirked from her seat and looked down at the kneeling blonde, "Clarke, good. As I'm sure you've heard, Dak is going to be busy doing something for me, so I will be continuing your training for the next few days," she started. "As an assassin, it is important to be able to gather intel, whether that be on your target or about something else entirely. Knowledge is important, and if you don't have it, you have to get it. As it so happens, a prisoner was brought in last night and he has some information that I need. You are going to get it for me."
Clarke swallowed thickly and could feel her entire body begin to tense. She knew what Nia meant even though she hadn't flat out said it. She wanted Clarke to torture someone. Clarke nodded her head while still on bent on her knee, not trusting her voice at the moment.
Nia smiled maliciously and rose from her throne, with two guards flanking her side, "Follow me," she said as she made her way from the throne room.
Clarke followed behind Nia and her two guards as the left her throne room and made their way outside into the busy streets of Saipan. Every citizen moved out of their Queen's way and they dropped to their knees or bowed their heads in a show of 'respect', mostly fear.
The four made their way through the city until they came up to a building that Clarke recognized very well. The last time she had entered that building she had stayed there for three months and was constantly tortured throughout her stay. She swallowed back her nerves and cleared her mind of those memories that were resurfacing as she entered behind her Queen.
Instantly she was hit with the building's familiar scent and sounds. Screaming, and the stench of burning flesh, blood, and death. Clarke swallowed back her bile as she made her way to a large wooden door. Outside that door waiting, was a woman that Clarke despised. Severna. That woman had tortured Clarke for months and showed absolutely no remorse while doing it.
Clarke glared at the woman before schooling her features and waiting for her Queen to give her further instructions. "Your training is simple," Nia said. "Do whatever Severna or I instruct you to do. If you don't, you will not enjoy the consequences. Understood?"
"Sha, my Queen," Clarke said in a much firmer voice than she expected.
"Good. Then let's begin," Nia said as she opened the door and entered. Clarke and Severna entered behind her and Nia's two guards entered after them and took up their post beside either side of the door.
Inside, the room was already prepared. There were all sorts of weapons, vials of liquids, poisons, and tools. Clarke recognized many of them, having been exposed to them once before herself, and she was barely able to contain her shiver.
In the middle of the room, a man was tied down by the ankles and wrists to a wooden chair. His body was covered in a few bruises and gashes, but none of the wounds looked to be torture wounds. Not yet.
Clarke watched as the man sat up taller in his seat and looked at Nia with as much strength as he could muster, but his eyes gave away his fear. Nia smiled cruelly at him and she began to slowly walk circles around where he was seated. "You already know who I am," Nia started, her voice calm and eerily cold. "I am going to ask you a few questions, and you are going to answer them for me. If you don't my associates here will get the answers for me. I would recommend making this easy for yourself, but not everyone is as wise as me."
The man glared at her and kept up his confident facade, which made Nia chuckle. "Let's begin shall we. I can tell by your scars that you are Azgeda, but you were found with a group who opposes me. Why?"
The man only glared and Nia smiled. She looked over to Severna and nodded her head. Severna looked to Clarke, "Punch him in the face."
"What?" Clarke heard the order, but she wasn't interested in actually carrying it out.
"You heard me," she replied dully.
Clarke swallowed, but did nothing. She couldn't torture someone for no reason. Severna walked up to Clarke and punched her three times. Clarke stepped back and spit out a mouthful of blood before begrudgingly walking over to the man and punching him in the face. His head jerked to the left and a small grunt escaped his lips. "Let's go again," Nia said. She continued to question him, and she continued to have Clarke punch him. Clarke pulled her punches as much as she could, but she knew she couldn't be too weak with Nia watching her.
After a few rounds of this, with still no answers, Severna handed Clarke a small knife. "Rip off one of his fingernails."
Clarke slowly looked down at the knife in her hand. She remembered having some of her nails ripped out and the pain that came with it. Her own nails hadn't even fully grown back yet. There was no way she could do that to this man. She looked up from her knife and met the eyes of Nia. The Ice Queen seemed to understand her unwillingness to complete the task and before Clarke could think of much else, Severna grabbed her hand and ripped out a fingernail of her own.
Clarke let a quiet yelp of pain. She could take the pain, but she couldn't dish it out to someone else. Nia looked at her expectantly, but Clarke still couldn't do it.
Severna had to rip out three more of Clarke's nails before she gave in. This man would be tortured even if she didn't do it herself, and her torture wouldn't stop, so she gave in. She took a step forward and ripped the man's thumbnail off of his finger. The man cried out in pain and his hand began to tremble slightly. "Again," Nia ordered.
Clarke could feel the nausea in her stomach, but she did what she was ordered to do, ripping off another nail. The process continued a few more times until the man had no nails on his right hand. The hand was trembling violently and blood was running down his fingers and dropping down on the seat and ground below him.
Clarke felt sick, but she didn't know what else she could do. The man was clearly in pain, but he still wasn't talking. Clarke wasn't sure how much more of this she could take.
Nia asked him another question and again he didn't answer. Nia looked up to Severna. "Break his fingers," Severna ordered.
Clarke closed her eyes to hold back her tears. "I can't," she whispered. A moment later she heard a pop and pain shot up her now broken finger. Severna continued, and Clarke took it, but she couldn't do this anymore.
After Severna broke three of Clarke's fingers Nia rose a hand to stop her. "That's enough for today. We will go again tomorrow," Nia said before sweeping out of the room followed by the others.
"I'm so sorry," Clarke whispered to the man she had tortured before sprinting out of the room and out of the building.
When she made it outside she ran behind the building and emptied her stomach into one of the bushes back there. Suddenly she felt a warm hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles and voice she recognized as Roan was trying to calm her.
When Clarke was done, Roan led her back to his room and she cried in his arms until she fell asleep.
When she woke up the next morning the process continued. Nia asked questions, which she didn't get an answer to and Clarke continued to either carry out the punishment or recieve it. It continued like this for two days until something happened and she snapped.
Clarke awoke in an empty room. Roan had gone out do something and managed not to wake up Clarke when he left. She dressed quickly in her Azgeda furs before making her way outside to continue another day of hell.
She walked onto the surprisingly not busy streets of Saipan and made her way to where the prisoner was being held when she caught sight of Dak. She ran up to him. "Dak, you're back," she said before she saw the sombre look on his face. "What's wrong?"
"Phen was attacked by a rogue group of warriors last night. The entire village was destroyed," he said. Phen was a smaller village in Azgeda, but all the people there were hard workers and well liked throughout Azgeda.
Clarke's heart ached for them, "How many casualties?"
"Everyone in the village was killed. 40 people," Dak said sadly.
"Kids?"
"11," Dak replied. He sighed, "I don't get it. I heard that Queen Nia had captured one of the men who was second in command of the rogue group that attacked. She's been questioning him for days and didn't get anything. She always gets answers, no one ever beats out her torture."
Clarke felt dread pool in her stomach. She had been with Nia the past few days questioning someone, and because she was too afraid, Nia had spent more time torturing her instead of him. Clarke had a sinking feeling that the prisoner Dak was talking about was the same one she had been with. "I have to go," Clarke said before she took off, ignoring Dak's questions from behind her.
Clarke entered the building and made her way up the stairs until she came up to the door with their prisoner. Nia and Severna were already there waiting. Clarke stormed up to them, "You knew he was a rogue and had answers about the attack on Phen."
Nia stopped her conversation with Severna and looked at Clarke. She was being spoken to very inappropriately, but there was a fire in Clarke's voice and a look in her eye that had Nia intrigued. "I suspected. Contrary to what you may believe, I do care about my people, and I don't torture people unless I deem it necessary." Clarke had to hold back her scoff at that, and she barely managed to do so.
"40 people are dead now," Clarke almost yelled.
"And whose fault is that?"
Clarke froze. 40 people were dead, 11 of them were kids, and it was her fault. That was more death to add to her seemingly forever growing list. Clarke could feel her last bit of calm and restraint snap and she barged into the room with the prisoner without looking back.
She stormed up to the man with a burning look in her eye, and any confident facade that the prisoner could show on his face was wiped off and replaced with a clear look of fear. Clarke punched the man in the face, hard, four times. "40 people are dead," she yelled. Her body was aching from all the punishment she had taken over the past few days, but she ignored it.
Nia, Severna, and two guards slipped into the room and watched as Clarke snapped. "Where are your group of rogues hiding? What's their next plan?" Clarke growled. The man hesitated, but he managed to stay strong and keep his mouth shut. Clarke pulled out her knife and ripped off a couple of fingernails from the man's left hand and then began to cut at the flesh on his chest. Severna stepped in and showed Clarke a few techniques and painful torture methods all while questioning the man. Clarke took it all in and delivered each technique without pause. She wasn't going to let another village be destroyed because she was too weak to get the answers she needed.
It took two hours before the man broke, "I don't know their next plan," he cried out desperately. "Please," he panted. "All I know is that after the attack on Phen, we were going to regroup at a cave a few miles west and then come up with our next attack, but you're probably too late by now."
"I'll find them," Clarke growled before she plunged the blade of her knife into the side of the man's neck. Clarke turned to Nia awaiting her next order. The man had confirmed that there was going to be another attack, and she was hoping Nia would allow her a chance to stop it.
"Go. Find them," she said with a smile. "Take Severna with you."
Clarke nodded and she left the room with Severna behind her. They made their way to the stables where they prepared their horses and then rode out to the cave.
The prisoner was right, they were too late to catch the whole group, but it looked like one or two men stayed behind to clean up the area and hide any tracks the group may have left behind. Clarke was quick to pull out her sword and attack the two unsuspecting men. She killed the first quickly before stunning the second with a blow to the head and then grabbing him and throwing him hard against a tree.
Severna approached with some rope and tied the dazed man to the tree and the questioning began again. Clarke questioned the terrified man and did whatever it took to get him to speak. She was blinded by her rage and anger and she couldn't stop herself. Severna showed her more torture techniques and she taught her how to use a few different tools.
He was breathing heavily, blood freely flowing from just about everywhere on his body. Severna had given Clarke a poison that makes wounds hurt more than normal and Clarke had made good use of it. He had never been in this much pain in his life. "I'll ask again. Where is the next attack going to be? When?"
"Please," the man actually began to cry. "I don't know when. All I know is that the next attack is going to be on Ugaf."
"Where are the other Rogues?" She questioned.
"I don't know. We all split up so we'd be harder to find. We were going to reconvene later, but I'm not sure where yet. Please, I told you all that I know."
"Thank you," Clarke snarled, before she killed the man in the same way she killed the first.
It took Clarke three more days to find another member of the rogue group. Her rage had yet to simmer. It seems all her pent up anger and her frustrations from ever since she landed on the ground were all pouring out, and she could do nothing to stop it.
When she found the next man, her and Severna tortured him until he gave away the time of the next attack, and then Clarke killed him.
Her and Severna travelled to Ugaf the next day and waited until the group of Rogues arrived. There were about thirty of them and they were all camped out in the woods, ready to strike when the night came.
Clarke and Severna camped out and watched the group before Clarke decided she wanted to do something about it. She would go in quiet. Use her assassin skills to kill as many as she could quietly and when she was found, she would take on the rest and Severna would join her.
It was probably a stupid plan, they were greatly outnumbered, but Clarke was angry and she wasn't going to let the innocent people of Ugaf die because of her failure.
She started in the back of the camp, slowly and silently taking out about twelve of the men before she was spotted. Once she was seen, all hell broke loose, but these men weren't very well trained. Hence why they attacked poorer, innocent villages. Severna had considerable skill, and Clarke, aided by her rage, was unstoppable.
The two of them weren't gentle. They didn't kill their opponents with a simple kill shot. No, they made their kills slowly and they were gruesome. By the time it was over, Clarke and Severna were covered from head to toe in blood and they were surrounded by mangled, broken bodies.
When it was over, Clarke seemed to finally come back to herself and she barely keep herself from both crying and vomiting at the site.
It took a few days for Clarke and Severna to make it back to Saipan. Rumors of the attack had already spread throughout Azgeda. It was said that No Mercy went off the rails and had her fun with all thirty of the rogues, killing them slowly and painfully. Clarke wasn't going to tell anyone the truth about what had happened, but there were a few, such as Nia, who knew.
When the two returned home, they were greeted by a very happy Nia and she gave the two of them a day off from training. Clarke returned to her room alone where she changed into some clean clothes, curled up into a ball, and sobbed.
It felt like she had been there for hours when she felt arms wrap around her and begin to rock her back and forth. When she opened her eyes, she was greeted by Dak who was looking at her concerned.
Clarke broke down into another round of tears and when she finally calmed down she told Dak what she had done. Clarke expected him to hate her after. To look at her with disgust and call her a monster, which is exactly what he should have done, but he didn't. Instead he lifted her up off the floor and carried her to her bed before taking a seat beside her.
They sat in silence for a few moments before Dak spoke again. "Everyone has a monster inside of them Clarke. Some people let it out all the time, like Queen Nia. Some people, like you, cage it up and hold it back. The problem is, it always finds a way out, and when it does, it takes all the rage that's been building up inside you, and it explodes."
"So what do I do?" Clarke questioned weakly, desperate to know the answer.
"You have to feed it. If you keep it locked up for too long, it will snap and you won't be able to control it, which is what happened to you. If you feed it, you can keep it contained, you can stay in control of it," Dak explained.
"What does that mean?"
"It means that sometimes you have to unlock the cage. Let it out, but keep it on a leash, that way it won't break out on its own."
"So what? I occasionally torture or kill people so that I don't completely snap?"
"If that's what you have to do. Clarke the life we live, it is not easy. There are people who control us, people who rely on us, people who need us, and we need to be in control of ourselves. You are obviously angry over a lot of things that have happened in your life, with good reason. But you can't bottle it up and pretend it doesn't exist. You have to let out, whether that be in a way that is physical or mental or both or some other way, you have to let out your anger. You have to control the monster. Keep it fed and happy and it won't need to break out of its cage," Dak explained.
"Okay, I'll try," Clarke replied tiredly.
"Sleep Clarke. Tomorrow, we return to training and I will help you control your monster," Dak said softly.
"Thank you," Clarke whispered before drifting off into a restless sleep.
/
Clarke hesitantly looked onto the faces of her love and friends after telling them about her past. Dak may have accepted her after learning about what she did, but that doesn't mean her friends would. "If I get the chance I'm going to kill that Ice Bitch," Octavia was the first to speak.
Clarke smiled softly at her. "Get in line," Raven cut in.
Clarke turned to look at Lexa who was still looking at her with a look of awe and love, and Clarke was beyond relieved. "I learned how to feed my monster. I learned how to control it," Clarke said. "I need answers Lexa," Clarke pleaded. "He has them, I can get them, and I won't lose myself in the process. Please."
Lexa looked down on the bed at the strongest woman she had ever me in her entire life. "I want to be in there with you."
Clarke was already shaking her head, "Please, no. I can control it, but I'd rather you not see it. Indra or someone can be in there if it makes you feel better."
Lexa took a deep breath, but accepted Clarke's terms with a nod. "I love you," Clarke said sincerely. How Lexa could still look at her the same way after learning about her past, Clarke would never know, but she was unbelievably grateful for it.
"I love you too," Lexa replied before leaning down and kissing Clarke fully on the lips.