I do not own One Piece nor do I receive any commercial benefit from this fic. All rights belong to their respective rights holders.
After Luffy becomes the Pirate King...
"I need a goddamn vacation," Nami scowled, feeling a migraine coming on. She wanted to burn the account books in front of her. Luffy might be a carefree pirate King, but someone had to make sure his vassal kingdoms were getting the support they needed and nothing hinky was going on. That he trusted her with this was a great honour, but sometimes she just wanted to take that honor, stretch his nostrils, and shove it up his nose.
"Let's take one, then." Sanji said as he placed the tea tray down beside her. No matter how busy he was, being Luffy's liaison dealing with (in Luffy's own words) "those boring pains", Sanji always made time to bring his lover her afternoon tea. He came around the table and started rubbing her temples for her. "Where do you want to go?"
"Where can we go, more like it," Nami scowled, relaxing into his hands. She glared balefully at the pile of files that represented the potential next stops on their journey where Luffy should make some kind of appearance. Whether it was rogue marines who still held on to the old world order or unscrupulous coup d'etats that would impact the island's people, they needed the invisible thumb of the Pirate King or his fleet members on one side of the scale. By some stroke of luck, Luffy had mostly left competent rulers in place when he'd made vassal kingdoms, but nothing was perfect, and this fresh new world order was still sorting itself out.
Plus Nami knew her captain. He wasn't really the kind of guy to rule, he just wanted an excuse to explore, eat, and roam the seas. Might as well have him do some good and see old friends in the meantime.
Sanji knew his captain's temperament as well. He picked up one of the folders and started flipping through them. She'd already started marking alternatives depending on who the request came from, the seriousness, the proximity, and a myriad of other factors.
Nami sighed and put her chin on his shoulder. "It's not like we can just go traipsing into kingdoms that aren't vassal kingdoms without potentially starting another skirmish, but if we go to vassal kingdoms, someone is going to make me work. We're just too obvious, and I don't want to go just to deal with more crap."
Sanji pulled out a folder. "What about Fishman Island? It's just an appearance, so we can probably just go to play around while Luffy's doing his Pirate King thing and leave him to Jinbei and Robin."
"Mmmm that's not a bad option. I can go shopping at Pappug's place, and we can relax in the lagoons...," Nami perked up, "And I haven't seen Camie and Pappug and Hachi and Princess Shirahoshi in a while!" Before she got too excited, though, she saw the look on Sanji's face. She recognized that perverted look ...
Even though they'd been lovers for years, now, she knew Sanji had always been and would always be an appreciator of beauty, especially in women. Hell, so was Nami. And she couldn't deny that the mermaids of Fishman Island were beautiful. But this was her vacation, and she wanted his eyes to only be on her. She wanted to be pampered and indulged, dammit, and he couldn't do that if he was cooing over other girls.
"Nope, I changed my mind. Let's go somewhere else," Nami announced abruptly.
Sanji looked at her in surprise. "Why not, Nami-san? It's the perfect choice - there isn't anywhere else where you and I can take a break while not stranding the rest of the crew in the middle of nowhere."
"They're grown ups, I'm not their babysitter," Nami retorted.
Sanji stared at her, "Well, I want to go there."
He knew she would worry if they left the crew on their own. Plus, he wanted to stay overnight at a lagoon spa with her. He wondered if he could talk her into a shell bikini top...
"No," She crossed her arms. She glowered at him, "otherwise it doesn't count as a vacation."
"Oh come on, Nami," Sanji complained, slightly exasperated. "Where else can we go?"
"Anywhere else! Besides Amazon Lily," she amended, scowling at the files she still had to process but knowing that particular vassal kingdom was in the pile.
When she tacked on Amazon Lily, Sanji started to grin. If Nami had seen his shit-eating grin, she'd have smacked him, but she was looking away from him right now to pout. Nami was jealous. All things considered, this was a relatively rare occurrence. Sanji wasn't about to squander the chance.
"But Nami-chan, I want to see the pretty mermaids in the bikini tops," He deliberately put the lascivious lilt in his voice. Her head snapped towards him, and she scowled even more darkly.
"You perv," she scolded, whacking his arm.
Laughing, Sanji caught her arm and started dropping kisses down her arm to coax her onto his lap. She put up a brief bad-tempered struggle, but eventually just gave up and pouted in his lap, impervious to the light kisses he feathered over her forehead. She was so adorable when she was annoyed.
"I might reconsider it, if... you wear the top Camie gave you last time we saw her," He whispered in her ear, cuddling her close. He could see the tip of her ear go red. It really was a scandalous top, nothing but a couple of strands of pearls and some tiny blue seashells. It was flirty on Camie's smaller bust, but on Nami's generously sized chest... It was scandalous. Nami had thanked Camie, but as soon as they were back on the Thousand Sunny, the bra had disappeared somewhere, much to his chagrin. He'd always wanted to see her in it.
"Promise?" She asked him mischievously instead. Sanji's jaw dropped and all of his blood flowed to his lap. He must have misheard her. Any minute, she'd turn around and berate him for having such a gutterbrain. Instead, Nami drew back in his arms and smiled impishly up to him.
"O-only if I get to take it off too," Sanji added, deciding he'd see if he could knock on death's door today.
Her eyes widened at the extra condition. She chewed her lush bottom lip as she thought, making Sanji want to lean over and nibble on her. Any thought involving moving, however, disappeared when she nodded, and got off his lap. Up until she'd walked through the sheer curtain that separated her tiny bedroom from her office, Sanji still wasn't sure what she was doing.
Sanji's brain short circuited. Holy shit. Holy All Blue and the four seas and the red line. Was she actually going to...
Seconds or hours later, a slim white hand hesitantly pushed aside the curtains, and her head poked out. Nami glared at Sanji with a bright red face and asked "Promise you won't laugh at me?"
"Pr-promise," Sanji wasn't sure if there was enough saliva in his throat left to swallow, never mind laughing. Nami took a good long look at him, then smiled so seductively that at that moment, Sanji would've been willing to give her his soul if he hadn't already years ago. She must have seen something she liked, because, no longer bashful, she pushed aside the curtains and strolled out confidently.
Her feet were bare, showing trim white ankles, and her hair was down and loose like a painting of a god of love he had once seen. She was wearing a long light blue skirt that bared her knees in the front but fluttered to her ankles behind her, resembling a mermaid tail. It was almost demure, until it made a deep dip around her navel. Sanji dragged his eyes up to realize...
Nami was much better endowed than Camie was. He was afraid to breath on that tiny bikini top.
She stopped in front of him, letting him drink in his fill of all that creamy bare skin and smouldering eyes. Seeing him simply stare at her, Nami's lips quirked up. She hitched her skirt up a little, and directly climbed into his lap, putting her forehead on his so she could bask in the worship and lust swirling in his eyes.
"Well?" She raised her eyebrows challengingly at him, "Aren't you going to take it off me?"
Much, much later...
Sanji dropped a bunch of folders on Luffy's head as he was dozing in the hammock.
"Hey, what was that for?" His captain complained, but shut up when Luffy realized that Sanji had also brought an enormous platter of barbeque meat that was just out of his grasp.
"You get this if we go back to East Blue for a vacation. Nami will drop you off with Ms. Makino, and then we're going to go find a private island nearby, and none of you will disturb us. Give me your word and I'll give you the meat."
Luffy blinked, "Sure but-"
"Give me your word, and I'll give you the meat." Sanji repeated menacingly, pulling the meat away from him.
"Okay okay!" Luffy agreed quickly when he saw that platter going away. Sanji sighed in relief, placed the platter down in front of him, and left without another word. With a full mouth, Luffy wondered to himself, I wonder what got him all hot and bothered.
AN: Okay I admit it, this was about as close as I'm probably ever going to get to a crack fic. Enjoy!