Hey guys, here's the next chapter. It's a lot of dialogue and really it's just filler because I wanted to get a chapter up in time, but I hope you like it. There is smut in this chapter, and I'm going to be honest, I'm not the best at writing it, but I did my best. Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter, and please let me know what you think.

Clarke awoke abruptly, her eyes wide and body hot and drenched in sweat. She panicked momentarily before her vision cleared and focused on the sleeping brunette beside her and instantly she calmed. She took a deep breath and slowly pulled herself out of Lexa's embrace, careful not to wake her, and sat up.

She took a deep breath to clear her mind, but she couldn't quite shake the images that had plagued her nightmares. Emerson's bloody, tortured body was clear in her mind and she could remember every detail, every thought, every smell from what she had done to him.

It wasn't regret, she didn't regret doing what she had done. She had gotten and he had gotten what he deserved. She didn't regret that, but she still felt something, something that she couldn't quite place. He had done so much to her, so much to others, he didn't deserve mercy. Did that mean he deserved torture? Maybe, maybe not, but Clarke shook the thoughts from her mind. It doesn't matter now. Emerson is dead and now she has at least some sort of idea of what Nia's planning.

It was still early morning. No one would be awake for a few more hours, but Clarke knew she wasn't going to go back to sleep. She never did after a nightmare. Usually she would get up and train, but today she decided she would stay in bed. She curled up into Lexa's side and just gazed at the peaceful features of the woman she loved. She looked so calm when she slept and Clarke loved it. She ran her hand up and down the brunette's arm, tracing her tattoo and settled in.

A few minutes later though, Lexa stirred, a quiet groan escaping her lips. Then green eyes were opened, still heavy from sleep. Lexa blinked a few times before her eyes locked onto awake blue eyes. "Clarke, what are you doing up?" She husked, voice heavy from sleep.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Clarke replied, hand still tracing the tattoo, but her eyes were locked on her love's.

"Clarke," Lexa said, voice now sounding more awake. She didn't miss the fact that Clarke avoided answering her question, but she also didn't need and answer. She knew. "How long have you been up?"

"Not long," she replied

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lexa offered softly.

Clarke sighed and rolled over to lay on her back, staring straight up at the top of the tent. "I hate what I'm capable of," she admitted. "I know I needed answers, and I'm not sorry I got them. But I step in that room and I don't hesitate. I do what I have to, no matter what it is."

"We do what we have to. It's who we are," Lexa replied.

"I can still hear his screams," Clarke whispered. "I know you heard them too. They're echoing in my mind and it won't stop. I hate Emerson for everything he made me do, and I don't regret getting answers from him, but I can't help feeling… I don't know… bad."

"And that's what makes you so incredible," Lexa said, pausing to turn Clarke's head so their eyes met. "You care about everyone no matter what."

"Sometimes, I'm not sure if that's a good thing," Clarke admitted.

Lexa smiled softly, "I think it is. I think it's what makes you such a good leader."

Clarke nodded and kissed her on the forehead. "Did Indra fill you in on what happened in that tent?"

"A little, but we didn't have much time to talk." Clarke nodded and her eyes failed to meet Lexa's. Lexa, of course, knew immediately why, "Clarke, I've seen worse, I've heard worse, I've done worse."

"Me too," Clarke admitted sadly.

"None of it will ever change the way I think or feel about you."

"I know," Clarke said softly. And it was true. She knew how Lexa felt about her. Sometimes, she would feel fear creep up on her. The idea that Clarke would do or had done something so bad, Lexa would hate her for it, but the brunette had reassured her so often and Clarke was so sure of their shared feelings, she was able to push those thoughts aside.

"And I'm so sorry Clarke," Lexa said softly, a clear vulnerability in her eyes and the slightwaver of her voice.

"No," Clarke shook her head. "Don't do that. None of this is your fault." Lexa opened her mouth to argue, but Clarke held a finger up to her lips and continued. "You did what you had to to save your people. Was it the right decision? Maybe, maybe not. You made a decision that you thought was best. One that you made for the sake of your people. I will never, ever, blame you for that."

"Clarke, you were tortured and forced to do horrible things for two years. I should have done something, should have tried harder to find you."

"Hey," Clarke stopped her. "Listen to me. In my entire life, I have only ever two people fight for me. My father, and you. Up on the Ark, my dad was all I had. My mom was always busy, and basically everyone else hated me. I was privileged. I got more than everyone else because of who my parents were. I didn't ask for it, but I got it. My father, he was my rock. He was the one who made me feel better, who gave me strength up there. Then he was killed and I was locked up for a year, then sent down to the ground with a bunch of kids who hated me. And I fought for them, and eventually made friends with them, I even made a family with some, but they all had someone to fight for. I was never picked first. Why would Octavia pick me when she had Bellamy and vice versa. Why would anyone pick me? After Finn, Raven blamed me. After the missile, Octavia blamed me. When Bellamy found out Octavia was in TonDC when the missile was a threat, he was pissed at me. And honestly, they had every right to be mad at me." Clarke sighed. "I put everyone else before me, but no one ever put me before anyone else. But you, you do. And I don't mean you keep me at a higher level than your people, you can't and I don't blame you for that, but you do what you can for me. No one has ever fought for me Lexa, but you have. You fight for me. You never stopped looking for me after what happened on the mountain. Even my mom stopped, but you never did. And when we were reunited, you did everything you could for me. You were patient, you defended me as much as you could, you protected me, and you have no idea how grateful I am for that. For you. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, ok?"

Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat. "I love you," she whispered reverently.

Clarke smiled, "I love you too."

Lexa rolled so she was on top of the blonde. "Let me show you," she whispered and leaned down to connect their lips. The two were completely naked, so neither had to worry about clothing getting in the way.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck as they pressed their lips together, their tongues meeting, making them both groan into the others mouth. The kiss lasted a while before they broke apart, Clarke to gasp for air and Lexa to move and leave a trail of kisses down her jawline and neck.

Lexa took her time gently sucking and nipping the exposed skin of the woman she loved, taking her time to map out her body fully and give proper attention to each scar that she passed.

Clarke closed her eyes and let a wave of pleasure wash over her as Lexa's lips and tongue traced over her skin. She gasped when she felt a warm mouth wrap around one of her pert nipples.

Lexa's tongue circled and lashed across the rosy bud as her other hand reached up to squeeze and roll the other one. Clarke moaned and arched her back into Lexa's mouth and hand and she felt heat start to pool in the pit of her stomach.

Lexa continued her ministrations for a few moments before she began to move lower until she was in between the blonde's legs. She gazed up at Clarke and their eyes connected momentarily before Lexa lowered herself down towards her core, diving in without teasing.

She ran her tongue through the blonde's folds a few times before wrapping her lips around Clarke's clit and sucking gently. Clarke moaned loudly, which spurred Lexa on, and she applied more pressure from her mouth.

She used her tongue to lash at the sensitive bud and she slowly ran her hand up the inside of Clarke's thigh before reaching her entrance. She circled it slowly, feeling the wetness coat her fingers and Clarke's thighs before slowly pushing in one digit.

Clarke's back arched off the bed and she groaned loudly, "Fuck, Lex," she whispered. Lexa felt her own wave of arousal at the sound of her voice and she continued what she was doing.

Lexa slowly pushed in another finger and the blonde mewled at the pleasure coursing through her body, her nerves on fire. Clarke's hands reached down and tangled themselves in Lexa's hair before gently pulling.

Lexa looked up from her position and met Clarke's blue, hooded eyes. "Come here," Clarke whispered and Lexa didn't hesitate to move up and reconnect their lips, her fingers still continuing what they were doing.

"I love you," Clarke groaned as Lexa's fingers curled and hit her front wall perfectly.

"I love you too," Lexa whispered and then gasped as she felt Clarke's hand start to circle her clit before sliding down to her opening and pushing in two fingers. She pumped them quickly, twisting and curling to hit all the right places and they were both writhing messes as they continued to pleasure each other.

Lexa added pressure to Clarke's clit and she moaned loudly, her core tightening as she approached her peak. "Together," she breathed out before twisting her fingers in the way she knew Lexa loved.

Lexa moaned, although much more quietly then Clarke did. Then, their lips connected in a hot passionate kiss and they both groaned into it before succumbing to their own orgasms. They both continued their ministrations, prolonging the other's orgasm before the collapsed into a heap of limbs on the bed.

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and pulled her tightly into her body. "Sleep now love. Tomorrow we go to Arkadia, and then we work on beating Nia."

Clarke nodded and nuzzled into Lexa's neck before falling into a much more comfortable sleep than before.

/

It only took a few hours to reach Arkadia. Lexa and Clarke had awoken earlier in the same position they had fallen asleep in. They bathed and ate together before preparing their people and heading out to Arkadia.

They rode side by side the entire journey and finally reached Arkadia. A lot of Lexa's army was already gathered and had set up camp in the clearing outside Arkadia's walls, but there were still a few more warriors that had yet to arrive.

Lexa and Clarke both dismounted as they entered the camp, their horses quickly taken by two young seconds. Lexa turned to Clarketo gauge her feelings at the moment. She knew this was the first time Clarke had seen Arkadia since she left and she was unsure of what feelings being back would stir within her.

What she saw wasn't surprising. Clarke was nervous, a little uncomfortable, but she looked strong and Lexa admired her greatly for it. She reached out and gave Clarke a gentle, comforting squeeze before Indra approached them. "Heda, your army is almost gathered. There are some generals who would like a word with you."

Lexa nodded. "Thanks you Indra. I will see them momentarily," she replied. Indra recognized it as a dismissal and bowed before walking off, barking out a few orders to some of the men she passed. Lexa turned to Clarke, "Are you ok here?"

Clarke nodded, "I'm fine. Go tend to your business and I'll see you later."

Lexa nodded before scanning her surroundings. "I love you."

Clarke smiled and her shoulders visibly relaxed which in turn, allowed Lexa to relax, "I love you too. Now go."

Lexa nodded and walked off to deal with her army and Clarke headed to the gates of Arkadia. She stopped outside the metal entrance and took a deep breath.

"Home sweet home," Raven said as she came up to stand beside the blonde.

Clarke scoffed, "This place was never home."

Octavia limped up from the other side of the blonde, "Damn right."

They both turned, "What are you doing up?" Clarke asked in concern.

Octavia waved them off, "I'm fine. Are we gonna go in?"

Clarke swallowed and returned her gaze to the gate, "I guess so." She took a hesitant sep forward, her two friends at her back, before she finally walked into Arkadia for the first time in over two years.

It didn't really feel like what Clarke expected, although she wasn't really sure what to expect. Honestly nothing felt wrong. Arkadia had certainly thrived during her absence. They had expanded in area. There were crops growing in the farms, more grounder looking huts had been built, and there were grounders freely walking through the camp. There were trading posts and kids running around playing and even a bar was set up with people sitting at tables drinking and talking.

Clarke just stopped and stared, taking it all in, but it didn't take long for people to notice. Clarke saw the eyes that were trained on her. She could see some people pointing and some leaning in to whisper to others, but it didn't feel as bad as Clarke thought it would.

She was used to the stares now, and the mountain didn't haunt her like it once had. Being in Arkadia felt oddly ok. It didn't take long for the people Clarke actually knew to notice her, Raven, and Octavia and they all came to greet them.

Miller was the first to reach them and he didn't hesitate to wrap her up in a tight embrace. "Clarke," he exclaimed. "Holy shit you're back. It's so good to see you," he said before moving to greet Octavia, Raven, and Bellamy, who had appeared beside his sister.

"Yeah, I'm back," Clarke confirmed. "It's good to see you too Miller," she said. After that, more of the hundred came and they all reunited with their past leader, thrilled beyond belief to see her alive and seemingly well.

The group decided to head to the bar and grab a drink before sitting down and reuniting. They talked for a while, and Clarke was relieved to feel happy instead of all those negative feelings she was afraid she would feel upon her return.

She loved hearing about how peaceful it was in Arkadia and she enjoyed hearing all the stories her friends had to share with her. They asked her a fair share of questions too and Clarke answered all of them to the best of her ability without going too deep into the bad stuff.

All in all Clarke felt really good being back, but of course, not everyone was happy to see her.

"Well well well, look who decided to return home. The Mountain Murderer," a drunken Jasper stumbled over towards the group.

The smile that was on Clarke's face immediately faltered and all the conversation around her stopped. "Jasper," Clarke greeted plainly. She was well aware of the lack of care Jasper had had for himself since the events at the mountain.

"I was hoping I would never see you again," he said, taking another sip from his drink.

"Jasper," Bellamy growled, standing up to remove him from their presence.

Clarke grabbed his arm, "No. Let him say what he has to say.

Bellamy eyed her before nodding and returning to his seat, still tense.

Jasper snorted, "Look at that. The guard dog returns to his master's side. Why am I not surprised?"

"Just say what you have to say to me Jasper," Clarke deadpanned. She could feel the entire mood of the group shift and she knew Monty was watching the interaction closely. She just wanted to get it over with quickly.

"Do you even regret killing all those people?"

"No," Clarke answered quickly. "I don't."

Jasper stared at her, eyes wide, having not expected her to answer like that, but his surprise quickly turned to rage. "You killed hundreds of people and you don't even care?"

"I saved my people," Clarke defended her actions. "It was us or them, and I chose us. And I would do it again if I had to."

Jasper's eyes flicked over to those sitting beside Clarke, "And you're all ok with this. With supporting a murderer?"

"We're supporting our friend," Octavia snapped. "We're supporting the person who saved us and sacrificed everything for us."

Jasper scoffed and shook his head, his angry gaze returning to Clarke, "I don't know how you sleep at night."

"I don't," Clarke replied simply, getting a few concerned looks from her friends, but she ignored them. "I don't regret what I did Jasper, but that doesn't mean it doesn't haunt me."

"Good," Jasper sneered. "You deserve it."

"Maybe I do," Clarke agreed. "Now is that all you have to say to me?"

"Oh I'm just getting started."

"Look Jasper, you can call me a murderer or a monster or any other name you can think of. I've heard it all. It won't change what happened. I'm sorry about Maya-"

"-Don't say her name-"

"-I didn't want that to happen, but I had no choice. And I'm sorry that you're in pain, but you need to get your head out of your ass," Clarke said. Jasper's face looked like he had just been slapped as Clarke continued, "Do you think you're the only one who is hurting? Do you think you're the only one who feels pain? Fuck, Jasper we've all lost someone, but you don't see any of us getting drunk every night and wallowing in our own misery. I've lost people too, we all have, so stop acting like your special. Stop acting like your the only one in pain. Get up, move on, and start living. Do you have any idea what you're doing, not only to yourself, but to the people who care about you? Look at Monty," Clarke said, pointing at her distressed friend. "He is your best friend. All he has done is try to comfort you and be there for you and all you've done is treat him like shit. Same with Bellamy and Raven and Octavia and everyone else. We're all in pain, but we're all fighting and working past it. There are people who actually care about you here, and they want to be by your side, but they're not going to be there forever. You either get your head out of your ass and move forward, or you stay here alone and in pain. Maya is gone, but we are here, but we won't be forever. So get up and move on with your friends by your side, or suffer alone," Clarke finished before storming off, leaving Arkadia entirely and walking into the Trikru camp outside.

She walked alone for awhile before entering Lexa's meeting tent. There were a couple of generals and Abby and Kane, but they were all dismissed when Clarke entered. "Are you alright?" Lexa asked, sensing some anger from Clarke.

"I'm good," Clarke answered. "Everything ok with your army."

Lexa knew when not to push Clarke so she moved on to answer the blonde's question. "Yes, we will be good to leave tomorrow."

Clarke nodded and then Lexa approached her and held her tightly. She didn't say anything, didn't do anything, she just her. After a few minutes they broke apart and left the meeting tent to head to their own tent.

They stripped out of their armor and cleaned themselves off without saying a word to the other, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. When the two were ready, they climbed into bed. Lexa first and she held her arms out for Clarke.

The blonde climbed in and rested her head on her chest and sighed. "It feels weird being back here."

"How so?"

Clarke shook her head, "I don't know how to explain it. I left because I couldn't handle seeing all the people that I saved. I knew that being in Arkadia would never allow me the chance to recover and clear my head. I expected feeling like I did then when we got here, but I don't. Arkadia doesn't feel the same as it once did to me by any means, but it doesn't feel as awful as I expected it to."

"Because you found peace," Lexa explained. "You learned to accept and live with what you did, and now it doesn't hurt as much anymore."

"I guess," Clarke said. "I don't know. I guess I just expected to be hit with pain, sorrow, regret, something bad you know. Not relief, I think is the word, at seeing how much Arkadia has thrived and the people have grown." All except for Jasper, she thought.

Lexa nodded. "Your people have thrived, and they have you to thank for it. And you're allowed to feel relief Clarke. You're allowed to feel positive feelings instead of negative."

Clarke sighed as she burrowed deeper into Lexa's embrace. "Thank you," she whispered.

Lexa kissed the top of Clarke's head, "Anything for you. Now get some rest."

/

Clarke didn't sleep through the night, but shortly after she woke up, Lexa did too and the two spent some time talking and basking in the others presence before they needed to get up.

When morning finally came, the two got up and dressed, and they ate and joked around together before exiting the comfort of their tent.

Lexa delivered a quick speech to her people, including the Skaikru warriors that would be joining the army, informing them of where they were going and why. After that Clarke and Lexa were on their horses, leading their army south towards the Shallow Valley.