How come you dropped out?" I never have gotten over that.
After I asked that question my mind went back to five months ago when Sodapop and I got the first report cards after mom and dad's accident. After their death, life became real hard for us. We needed to adjust to them not being there and the social services people said one way for that to happen was by making sure we had routine. Besides, I was barely 13 at the time and the judge would have a real hard time letting me stay if I was lousing up on my schoolwork. Darry wouldn't have that. He was real strict about school.
Darry gave us that stability, me especially. He made sure I got to school every day even if I felt a little sick. "You ain't got a temperature" he would say touching my forehead "unless you need to go to the doctor, you're going to your classes". He made me study all the time, even when I had A's. Darry didn't allow me to go out on school nights either and once I had sneaked off with two-bit to grab some cancer sticks; when I got back he threatened to kick my head in. What's worse is that on school nights he even makes sure I am in bed by 9, that sure makes me feel tuff when the gang is here.
The truth is, I couldn't complain much because he wasn't much better with Soda. He hollered at him every morning to make sure we weren't late. You see, Soda loses everything and has a real hard time finding it in the mornings. It would drive Darry crazy. And once, when Soda got a detention slip for clowning around in class, Darry drove him to school the next day and made him apologize to the teacher. Although these were normal Soda antics, he was grounded for a whole week.
We were all eating dinner when Darry announced, "I won't be coming home till 8 from now on. Soda I need you to make sure Pony gets home from school from now on". I groaned "Darry, I can walk by my lonesome" as I brought another bite to my mouth. I don't know why Darry always treats me like a little kid. "Sure" Soda said as he started clearing his plate into the trash can "why you getting home so late Dar?". He looked down at his plate, played with his food a bit, then responded "it's nothing, Carl needs some extra hands for another job". Darry didn't want to worry us, but Soda and I knew the score. We could see the bills piling up every month and although we didn't know the specifics, we knew the situation was a rough one.
"Hey Darry" I later overheard Soda say while I washed the dishes "Steve got me some hours over at the DX, is that alright?" I heard Darry hesitate. Mom and dad wouldn't allow us to work while in school. They felt that education was important and should take priority. Darry pushed that on us too. "I don't know, little buddy" he finally said as he walked into the kitchen. He was avoiding the question and hoping Soda would drop it. Sodapop came in behind him and plopped on a chair "come on Dar, we could use the money and I will be home by 9 every night, honest". Darry looked over at the pile of bills on the table and deeply sighed "fine, but you need to keep your grades up alright". Soda grinned at him and said he would go and call Steve. Since Soda and Darry were both going to be working, I decided I'd do most chores around the house.
Within days of starting his new job at the DX, Soda was having a hard time balancing his responsibilities. He was getting home late and didn't have time to do homework or study. I quietly waited up for him every night and would sneak out of bed to try and help him but most days he would tell me to get to sleep. "I'm alright Pony" he would say with a grin but often fell asleep by the lamp over his unfinished work. Not completing his assignments was getting him detention almost every day. Johnny and I would wait for him after school then walk him over to the DX since Darry was working. You see, Soda didn't treat me like a baby and didn't mind me walking around with Johnny instead of running straight home.
When I walked into our shared room one day, Soda was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. He wasn't working that night and I wanted to ask him if he wanted to get some ice cream before Darry got home. Soda was looking real solemn and that's when I noticed he was studying some papers. He had flunked all his exams and now needed Darry's signature. "What are you going to do?" I asked, my eyes wide from surprise and worry. Darry takes grades very seriously and I didn't want him hollering at Soda. If Darry had seen what I saw, you better believe you would hear him clear across town. Soda quickly stacked the papers up and shrugged, "I don't know Pone" he said with a resigned expression. He messed up my hair then said, "don't tell Darry ok". His secret was safe with me. I was planning on keeping my mouth shut real good. We didn't talk about it anymore but the next day at school I watched Steve scribble Darry's name on the tests. That wasn't the last of it, I also once listened as Two-bit intercepted a school phone call for Darry. Two-bit is real good at impersonations.
It was a Saturday morning when Darry came into the house with a handful of mail. "Your report card is here" he said looking at me. The truth is I had been dreading its arrival. I'd been struggling all semester long with concentrating on school. Although Darry forced me to bed real early, I was having daily nightmares that kept me up half the night. Most days I was exhausted. Many times, I didn't hear the teacher other times I plumb forgot they said. Once, my math teacher had even called Darry because I had not been turning in my homework. When I got home, I was grounded for the weekend and till this day Darry checks my work every night. I chewed on my nails as he opened the envelope. I was silently praying I didn't wash out or get any bad remarks because I was sure Darry would kill me. "Not bad, Pony" Darry interrupted my thoughts. "You keep these grades up" he added. That was as much of a compliment as I was going to get for having straight A's. "Where's Soda he asked?" I shrugged and said, "in bed I reckon".
Darry continued to open mail and suddenly hollered "Sodapop Curtis, get out here". This was the first time I saw Darry truly mad at Soda. "What are these grades" he thundered when he caught a glimpse of Soda from the bedroom. "You are only passing auto mechanics and gym" he shouted incredulously, giving Soda a look of disbelief. Soda looked at him meekly his face reddening. I hated him hollering at Soda, so I snapped, "stop yelling at my brother". Darry turned to me took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm himself down before he spoke, then seethed "Ponyboy go to your room". Sodapop looked at me and spoke for the first time "go on Pone, it's alright". So as Soda walked out of our room, I walked in. Their fighting lasted a few minutes but felt more like hours. Truth be told, their fighting scared me. See, since I didn't have mom and dad anymore, I depended on them and when they fight, I feel like I don't have anything to hold on to. I was trying not to listen, honest, but Darry's voice thundered through the house. He had grounded Sodapop indefinitely and was demanding he quit his job at the DX. "It's not up for debate. If you want to live here" he echoed "you're gonna follow my rules". At this, Sodapop came into our room, slammed the door, bummed a cigarette, then sat quietly by the window. Soda only smokes when he's upset. Darry called us out for lunch. No one felt like talking so we quietly ate peanut butter sandwiches.
By the time dinner came along, tempers were settled. "Dar, can I talk to you" Soda asked in a quiet voice. He didn't look like my happy go lucky brother. He looked sad, ashamed even. Soda, who was usually grinning and vibrant just miserably looked at his hands. I could hardly stand to look at him without bawling. Darry stared at him apologetically, "yeah, little buddy" he said in an uncharacteristically kind voice. Darry doesn't love much, but he sure loves Sodapop and I could tell he was real sorry that he yelled at him. I started to get up, but Soda said "No, stay Pony".
Then he started. "Darry, I tried. I really did. I have never been real good with school like you guys." He gave us a defeated look. He paused for a second examining his hands some more before he started again "Look, we need the money and I like working at the DX. I am real good at it Dar please don't make me quit" he pleaded. Darry sighed loudly. He knew Soda was telling the truth. He had been struggling with school his whole life. Soda had too much energy and couldn't sit long enough to get through a lesson. When Darry didn't answer, Soda continued "We all know that I am not going to college. Darry, I don't want to go back to school. I want to drop out." I could tell that those words rocked Darry. His eyes became hard. He clenched his fists. I thought he would start yelling again. Then we both heard it. Sodapop's quiet sobs. The heartbreaking sounds of our brother desperately trying not to cry filled the room and that instantly changed Darry expression. Darry suddenly stood up and pulled Sodapop into a hug and just held him there as he cried. We were going to be ok, I thought.
"Cause I'm dumb. The only things I was passing anyways were auto mechanic and gym". Said Sodapop cutting into my thoughts.
"You're not dumb" I said and I meant it. Sodapop was just someone who sacrificed himself for his family.