"Hey, how was it?" Chandler asked as his roommate stormed into the flat.
In answer, Joey threw his keys at their table football and with freakish, but unfortunate, accuracy they flew straight into the goal and clunked achingly into the impenetrable depths of the table.
"Huh, if this is the joking thing and you actually got the lead you're going to have really regretted that."
Joey strode angrily across the apartment and flopped violently into his BarcaLounger which buckled alarmingly.
Enigmatic though the actor thought his system was, Chandler was fairly certain he'd worked out the pattern. If his friend was joking he'd usually make three attempts to trick him into thinking the audition had gone badly. Chandler stood by the counter and wondered if he should count Joey's entrance. Yes, that was three angry actions which meant Joey was joking. Time to start the celebration…
"So you got the part!"
His roommate turned around somewhat sinisterly in the chair.
"Oh yeah, yeah except NO! No I did not get the part! I got the MAIN CHORUS!" Joey's accent was starting to thicken and he was sounding more and more like the cast of "The Godfather" as his sentence progressed.
Chandler had been in the process of bouncing over to give his roommate a man-hug when he heard the audition's outcome and so had to halt midair and come to a juddering stop.
"Oh, I'm sorry man." He said genuinely, giving Joey a consolitary pat on the shoulder.
"I'm gonna go to my room now." Joey mumbled, which was their code for "I'm going to lie on my bed and cry into a pillow with Hugsy."
Chandler waited till the door was closed, then sprinted into their kitchen and debated his options.
He needed to cheer up his friend but he also really needed to get the keys out of the table football. Deciding the keys were priority, he could not go back to the key cutters for the fifth time that month, he walked over to the table.
With a grunt it suddenly occurred to him he probably made in bed, he tried to lift up the table; it wouldn't budge. The keys would have to be retrieved after Ross got back. Actually, however much he protested, Monica was stronger than her brother but she'd probably take the opportunity to lob it out of the window; she wasn't very fond of most of their furniture.
Time to get down to the business of cheering Joey up then, and there was only one sure fire way of doing that - food. Monica may officially be the better cook but Chandler's special recipe had something she would never dream of adding-double the stated amount of sugar.
Like the girls' expensive ice cream, this was only ever used in the most severe of casting disasters. Chandler's years of data processing meant he was constantly creating formulas for the world around him and he used the "main chorus muffin" when his friend was in a group of 50 people or more in his latest production. If it was used whenever Joey didn't get his part, he wouldn't have any teeth left by the time he was 30.
He always kept the ingredients for the "main chorus muffin" on top of the fridge, behind the feather duster which he knew Joey would never use. Similarly, the refrigerated items were kept with the vegetables to avoid discovery. For pretty much all of their other cooking endeavours they pinched food from Monica but if she ever got involved poor Joey would probably end up with a "main chorus panna cotta".
He grabbed the vase they used as a mixing bowl (fireball had put paid to their original) and started to mix the ingredients. He was a relatively neat baker, certainly neater than Joey who always made the apartment look like the site of a massacre when he made pasta sauce, so once the cakes were in the oven it didn't take that long to clean up and hide the ingredients.
The timer pinged to tell him the muffins were ready and, on cue, Joey emerged from his room, looking a little better after his session with Hugsy. Chandler donned his floral oven gloves (a disappointing Christmas present from Monica) and put the cakes onto the counter with a flourish.
"VoilĂ , five main chorus muffins."
Joey gave him a weak smile as he picked one up.
"Thanks man.
-Five hours later-
"Little higher," Joey called, as he bent to look under the table again.
"Yeah, not going to happen," Chandler assured him as his face contorted with the strain.
"Just think of the man in the shop's face when we come back in."
"Why am I doing it? You threw them in here."
"I did it when the duck ate them and that was your fault."
"How was that my fault? I wasn't even in the same room as it!"
"They were your keys."
"But you and Vanessa were the reason they were on the floor in the first place."
Joey dropped the table abruptly and it landed on Chandler's foot.
"Ow ow ow ow ow!"
"How do you know about me and Vanessa?"
"'Cause you did it on top of the phone and called me in the middle of a meeting!" Chandler said, massaging his throbbing appendage. "Why is it always this foot?" He added crossly.
"Oh." Joey said, having the grace to look a bit guilty.
"Right on three." Chandler ordered as he tried to spur himself on for the upcoming physical challenge.
"One, two," both men grunted as they lifted up the table.
"Can you see anything?" Chandler called out hopefully.
"No." Joey reported "oh, hang on."
They winced at the horrifying clunk of the keys falling deeper into the table.
"Okay, they're gone." Chandler said with a sigh as he grabbed his coat. "Have fun at the key shop pal."
"Wait what!" Joey protested at his roommate's back but Chandler was already shutting the door.
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If anyone has any requests I would be very happy to write them. All requests must be within the timeframe of friends though.