I've decided that I am hungry.
And that the writing marathon is done.
Tune in next week, bois.
Might be lucky again this week, but, like, my job likes to take up way more time than I'd like to admit.
He was tired, he thought, as he flopped on the sofa. There stood a chipped coffee table in front of him on the pristine beige carpet, a small flat screen across the room perched on a small bookcase. A desk was shoved into a corner at the back of the room, an extra space carved out for it. The kitchen stood at the left, a far cry of the massive kitchen he had grown up in as a child. There was hardly enough cabinet space or counter space to boot, but there was a small, circular table containing four chairs that could be used as well. He yawned. This was home now.
He didn't know how his father reacted when they'd left. They all just didn't go home on the first of the year. He knew his mother had left her wedding rings and a note on the kitchen counter. She hadn't given him their new address. Her mother had not cried, not even once, at the loss of her old life. In fact, she was already smiling and laughing more and more than she ever had before.
His mother was in her room. He could hear her old box television playing some sort of movie. She had gone to the thrift store and picked up the television and a VCR, a bunch of VHS tapes as well. Sasuke was at work for a while longer, but he knew his little brother would be taking up the small desk when he arrived, doing his homework. For now, the sofa was Itachi's bed for he couldn't afford one after he had bought his mother's and his brother's. He almost had enough for his own, but he would need another of his mother's paychecks before he would go out and buy it. He mostly had just been saving his mother's money, his brother's and his own going to the upkeep of the apartment.
His mother had gotten her own lawyer and started divorce proceedings. She hadn't felt comfortable doing it herself. It cost two hundred dollars every time she went to see him, meetings cut short because the lawyer was paid by the hour. It came from her paychecks, an amount that was only about four hundred a week. He had continued to work full time in order for her to do this. It was more important than demanding she wait.
It had been almost a month since he'd last seen Sakura. The last time was Christmas and, oh, how he missed her. His tired eyes closed as he turned his face to the ceiling. His back ached and his neck needed rubbing. He should really take a shower, but exhaustion dragged him down, making it impossible to move. All he wanted was a few hours to see Sakura, but he hadn't been able to. He had picked up another job, just until his mother was free and clear, but he didn't know how long it was going to take. He didn't know how long it was going to be until he could see his little pink haired angel again.
His phone rang and he answered it without much thought. He knew it was her. She called every single night around this time, when she was just about to go to sleep and thought he was as well. She said that hearing his voice was enough for her, but he couldn't help thinking it a lie. It wasn't nearly enough for him. His bones ached with missing her as he raised the phone to his ear.
"Hello, angel," he said, his heart soaring when he heard the soft, sleepy giggle on the other end of the line. Her voice, at the very least, interred energy into him, enough to sit up straight at least.
"Hey, Tachi," she answered. "How are you doing today?"
"Work wasn't too bad," he sighed, "There was a new kid, dumber than a door nail, but he managed to make a coffee without ruining it or spilling it all over himself."
"Does he do that often?" she asked after giggling again.
"He's done it enough to stain his shirt. Which is black." Itachi couldn't help the soft chuckle that escaped him. He heard her sigh. "What's wrong?"
"I miss you," her voice was small. His breath hitched. She hadn't said this, not once this month. She was quiet, waiting for his response, anxiety probably rolling her stomach. He felt for her. He had not admitted missing her yet either and it caused his own stomach to turn now that she had. He sighed.
"I miss you, too," he finally said.
"Are you going to have a day off soon?" she tried. "Or an afternoon?" She really sounded close to tears.
His thoughts raced. He had a few hours Saturday morning. His part time job had given him off and he didn't have to be to the coffee shop until noon. He usually did his homework and caught up on his classes with that little time he had, but, hell, he had the same kind of time on Sunday and it never took him long to finish.
"Saturday morning, I'll pick you up," he said quietly, not wanting his mother to hear. "We can go to breakfast."
"My treat," she said before he could continue.
"Your treat," he conceded, a smile tugging at his lips. "We can come here and lay with each other, if you'd like." He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms. He would settle with snuggling on the couch for an hour, if that's what it took. He didn't care. An hour was short, but it was more than what he'd gotten. He had been overwhelmingly busy ever since they'd left his family home.
"Yes," she answered immediately. She paused for a moment, her voice belying how shy she felt when she spoke next. "I miss your arms around me."
"I miss holding you," he almost spoke over her. Now that the barrier had been crossed, he found it easier to tell her how much he missed her. "I miss how you smell of your favorite perfume. I miss how you love to play with my hair and I miss the way you smile. It's been too long since I've been in your presence and it's causing me to feel even more exhausted than I should.
"Itachi..." she was smiling, he could hear it in her voice.
"I'll see you on Saturday, Sakura," he said quietly, softly, happy. "You should sleep now, I know you get up earlier than I."
Sakura bid him goodnight, but he felt a little empty as he stared at the ceiling again. He sighed and hoisted himself up, going to the bathroom. It was not enough to hear her voice, but it did instill within him some energy with which he found motivation to do the things he needed to. He took a long, hot shower, releasing some of the soreness from his back and doing wonders for his neck.
When he came out of the bathroom, he ran into Sasuke.
"Are you already done with your work?" he asked, merely wondering.
"Yeah, there's a new kid at school and he helped me with it in our free period so I didn't have to wage war with it here," Sasuke shrugged. "He's...gruff."
"Gruff?" Itachi's lips twitched in an almost smile and he leaned against the doorframe. He and Sasuke didn't even have that much time to talk, but when they caught each other they'd have a couple words, a full conversation sometimes, before they each went to bed. Sasuke was looking a little tired, but he had nothing on Itachi. He looked even more exhausted as the days wore on.
"He's kind of like you before, you know, Sakura," he started. "I think that's why I can get on with him so well. He's got little body language tells that make it easy, but I think I'm used to figuring yours out. Naruto's trying to be his friend too, but he goes and says the stupidest things and annoys him more than anything."
"Naruto's not the brightest bulb," he stated.
Sasuke rolled his eyes at him, though it was playful. "We all know that, weasel." He grunted in amusement. "I like the kid though. He just doesn't know how to talk to other people. Sakura's managed to have a conversation with him, though, so he can't be all that bad. He hasn't had a full conversation with me, but he helps me with homework and I think that's how he's trying to show me that we're friends."
Even though Sasuke was talking, Itachi wasn't listening. "Wait," he held his hand up. "Sakura's been talking to him?" His chest felt tight. He didn't know how much he liked Sakura talking to someone he didn't know when he wasn't there. How would she know if he were a good guy or not? How would she know if he had romantic feelings? It caused unrest in his heart.
"Jesus, Weasel," Sasuke rolled his eyes though this time it was condescending. "I know you haven't seen her for a while, but she's still obsessed with you, don't worry. I know you can't see her a lot during school, but she absolutely refuses to have lunch with everyone else because it's her only alone time with you. She yelled at Naruto the other night because he was trying to get her to go somewhere, but she wanted to call you when she always does. She loves you, don't worry." He had never thought he would be comforting and reassuring his older brother. How the tables had turned.
"Thank you," Itachi really was calmed by his words. "I know what you say is true, I believe I just needed a little reassurance."
"Like Naruto and I would let any guy close enough to have feelings for her anyways," Sasuke gave him a grin, though it didn't reach his eyes. He was just reassuring him, still. "We'll beat him up if we see any business going on."
"Thank you, Sasuke," Itachi gave him a tired smile. "Your words have done wonders. I should go to bed. I must be up early for a shift before school."
"Gotcha," Sasuke chucked him on the shoulder. "Sleep well."
"You as well."
Itachi pushed away from the wall and walked to the living room, his shoulders bowed. Sasuke watched him, more worried than ever, even more so than the month before. His older brother looked as though he were about to drop. His shoulders looked like the world bore its entire weight on him. He wanted to do something more, but he was the child here. He felt powerless. For once, he thought, he knew how Itachi had felt for all those years. He sighed and finally went to the bathroom, soundlessly closing the door behind him.
"Sakura," Sasuke was standing right beside her first period class. He had worried enough about his brother, he wanted to see how she was doing.
"Sasuke," she looked at him in amusement. "Why so serious?"
"You don't like Gaara, do you?" he cut straight to the point.
"Explain why you're asking before I punch you," she said sweetly, the smile on her face strained.
"Itachi worries that you do because he's been so busy and can't see you."
Sakura wilted, like a flower left out too long in the scorching sun. "I don't like him, Sasuke," she said wearily. She sounded tired herself. "I just miss Itachi, you know that. I thought you and Naruto were trying to get Gaara involved in the group, so I was kind to him as well. I didn't go out of my way like I did Itachi, in case you didn't realize." Though her words sounded agitated, the tone of her voice was calm if but tired.
"I know. I only asked so I can reassure Itachi," he said. "He won't believe it unless it comes from you, even if I'm delivering the message," he shrugged. "Make sure you tell him if you see him today."
"I won't have time," she sighed. "We meet for lunch by the staircase in area A where no one really goes because it's so out of the way. He just goes right to sleep on my lap and that's all. He's so tired that I don't want to interrupt his nap. Hopefully I'll have time on Saturday, though," she lit up when she said that. "He said he has time in the morning so we can go out to breakfast and spend some time together." Excitement exuded her. She was obviously still very much in love with his older brother.
"Shower him in attention. He needs it," Sasuke said. It was all Itachi wanted. He vied for her attention. He yearned for her touch. He could see it in his face when he caught him on the phone with her. He looked so happy, but, at the same time, so pained because she wasn't within reach. He could only imagine having the person you want, the person you love, so close and yet just out of reach.
"I will," Sakura nodded. She didn't smile. "Thank you, Sasuke."
"Welcome," he patted her shoulder as he passed her, finally going to his first period class. He would make it in time, the warning bell was just ringing as he started down the hallway. He didn't spare another look at Sakura, but if he had he would have seen her worriedly fidgeting with the fine silver chain that laid about her neck.
Gaara, hair red as fire and eyes ringed in kohl, watched the pink haired girl across the room. His face was pinched, as it always seemed to be, and he couldn't look away. He saw her hunched shoulders. He saw the way she couldn't focus, though they were in a free period so she really didn't need to. She was trying to do her homework, he could see, but she wasn't getting much of it done. A wrinkle was between her brow, though it seemed it formed out of worry, not concentration or frustration. He noticed the very edge of a bandage peeking out from her long sleeved shirt.
He had noticed her the first day he'd been at this forsaken school. Everyone gave him a wide berth save for an annoying, loud blond, a quiet black haired, black eyed serious looking boy, and this girl, who had gone out of her way to show him kindness though he had done nothing to warrant it. She'd given him a cookie she'd made herself and refused the other two, saying that a new friend deserved to have a treat and they could come over later and have some of their own. He had said nothing, shown no emotion, as he accepted the offering of friendship.
The blond and the serious boy weren't like he or the girl. He could see camaraderie in her eyes. He felt pain that exuded her, pain that felt all too familiar to him. He wanted to ask what was wrong. He wanted to know why she cut herself. He didn't do it to himself, but he did have an unhealthy obsession with cigarettes and marijuana. They all had their vices to deal with the voices in their heads.
She seemed to give up. She put her pen down and thrust her head into her hands. She seemed to be losing whatever battle was warring in her own head. Startled, though schooling his expression quickly, he realized that she was crying. She was crying and hoping that no one could see. He didn't want to leave his seat, afraid that doing so would bring attention to her. He only watched as she cried and her shoulders shook almost imperceptibly. She didn't make a noise, only thrust the sleeve of her light blue and purple flannel over her nose as it dripped.
The bell was about to ring when she finally raised her face, green eyes red but devoid of puffiness. She pretended there was something in her eyes and rubbed her sleeves over them. She was used to this, he realized. She knew how to throw others off the scent. She knew how to hide that she cried in the open and hoped no one would notice. Terror filled her eyes when she finally saw him staring blankly at her. She ducked her head down.
"You okay?" he grunted, falling in step beside her. She seemed like she needed to talk to someone. Why could it not be him?
"Yeah," she said, shaking her head. She gave him a smile. "Yeah, I'm okay."
"You're good at fooling your friends with that look," he said gruffly. "You can't fool me." She was startled. She stopped walking. Tears were falling down her face before she even knew what was happening. Gaara did nothing. He only stopped walking and stood in front of her, watching her. She wiped her sleeve across her eyes. The bandage hidden away in the sleeve was wet.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled through her tears, voice thick. "I just miss my boyfriend a lot. It's been hard without him." She tapped her head and he instantly knew what she meant. There were voices in her head too, constantly whispering. Her boyfriend must be helpful with silencing them. He could understand why she missed him if he helped her feel okay.
"You just miss him," he said curtly.
"Yeah, yeah I do. I just..." she looked around and seemed alarmed that they were talking about this as people streamed past. She ducked into a side hallway and he followed her. She walked quickly until there were few people. This was her favorite staircase. "I've always had trouble," she mumbled, tapping her head again. He wondered if it was a nervous tick, something she did when she was anxious. "It seems louder now and I just..." she hiccuped. "He's really easy to talk to, you know? He gets it. Naruto and Sasuke...they try...but they don't understand it like he does. You don't really understand unless you've been there, you know?"
"I know," he agreed. "The voices you hear whisper the shittiest things," he shrugged. "Learn to silence them." He looked away from her. "I'm not the best person to teach silencing," he mumbled. "I use stuff that's illegal." She looked at him, wide eyed and fearful. He scoffed. "It's weed, idiot." She calmed down. "Look." he grunted and ran a hand through his already messed fiery hair. "I get that it's hard. I get that you want him, but there's something going on where you can't see him or talk to him a lot. You gotta learn to ignore that stupid little voice that tells you that you're better off dead. No one's better off dead."
"Thanks, Gaara," she seemed rather calmed down now. "I know you're not used to it, but that's what I needed to hear. Sasuke and Naruto tend to freak out and ask what they can do to help. I don't know what I want, you know? I feel like I want to run and run and run until I'm out of breath, but I don't know where I want to go. I feel like I don't have a home, but I don't know what home entails, so how do I go about finding one in the first place? I feel listless and confused and then there's that voice," she referenced what he spoke about. "When I feel like that, it gets louder and it's like a niggling little voice that says that, because I don't know, I'm better off dead. Why would anyone care about me? It's times like those that I want Itachi the most. I just want a hug, to feel secure, you know? Instead, because he's been so busy..." she trailed off, her hand on her arm. He knew what she meant.
"Find something that you like to do," he said simply. "I like video games. What do you like?" He really was trying his best here, but he wasn't the best at conversation and right now he was trying to comfort someone.
"Reading?" she seemed like she really didn't know.
"My best advice," his only advice really, "is to find something you like to do, preferably with your hands. Even it's mindless." He shrugged. "If you're preoccupied, it's hard for that voice to shove through and be so loud." His sister had told him that and, honestly, she'd been right. He would just sit there, engrossed in his own thoughts, self destructing. Then she told him to find a few hobbies. Now he barely had enough time for all the things he liked to do, let alone let that niggling voice tell him to hurt himself. Sometimes, yes, it still got loud, and he had a pipe for that. He felt rather embarrassed, but it did work.
"Thanks, Gaara." She knew he felt uncomfortable. She knew that he didn't know how to make her feel better, but he understood what was going on in her head and, honestly, that's all she needed. She felt a little lighter. "We should get going. They'll wonder where we are." She didn't want Sasuke to think the wrong thing either. She had assured him that she didn't have feelings for Gaara, and she didn't, but she didn't want to give him the wrong idea.
She really was grateful to him and gave him a smile as they started back down the hallway. It was time to leave for the day and Sasuke and Naruto were no doubt waiting next to the car. Gaara seemed surprised at the smile, but he didn't return it. He probably didn't know how to. Smiling may have been lost to him, much had it had been lost to Itachi. He only gave the slightest of smiles, though she had seen him put real effort in a few times, mostly to someone like Naruto. Naruto was widely known not to understand body language.
Sasuke wasn't suspicious when he saw the two of them. He was suspicious, however, when he realized that Sakura's eyes were red. He narrowed his eyes, but didn't say anything. Naruto was being an idiot, as always, and would never notice. Gaara gave him a brusque nod as he brushed past both him and Naruto, on the way to his motorcycle. He didn't care to stop and talk. His social motivation had been drained.
"Did he make you cry?" Sasuke asked her quietly, leaning close to her.
She shook her head violently. "No, I was—I was self destructing. He was kind enough to talk to me."
"You should talk to Itachi about that stuff. He understands."
"Itachi's not here, is he?" she demanded, her eyes dark and angry. "Itachi's busy supporting you and your mother! He doesn't have time for me!" She had already gotten annoyed with Sasuke. She felt nothing for Gaara, he only understood what was going on in her head. "This isn't his fault!" she meant Itachi. "He needs to do what he has to do and he doesn't have time to worry about me! So what if Gaara helped me out?! He gets it! You and Naruto have never heard a voice in your head, telling you to kill yourself over and over and over!" She was crying again, though it was due to frustration and rage. "Itachi doesn't have to be the only person I have to talk to, okay? It's possible to have other friends that understand a broken mental state!" She huffed and began getting into the car. She had stunned Sasuke into silence.
"Woah, dude, I think you should walk home today," Naruto said with a shiver. He hadn't really caught everything that Sakura had said. He had been caught off guard when she'd started yelling and had only begun to listen about halfway through. "I don't think she'll happily drop you off at the apartment today."
"I know. I'll apologize to her tomorrow," Sasuke swung around and began walking. It was only about twenty minutes to his new home. Sakura had been right and he knew better than to challenge her. He could never understand what really went on in her head. He could never understand what went on in Itachi's head. He could not even fathom to try. He couldn't imagine a voice, unwanted and unbidden, hiding in his mind only to rise up and begin telling him to kill himself. He couldn't imagine wanting to hurt himself to feel better. He couldn't imagine any of it and he knew that's why he was wrong. It was the thing that had drawn Sakura and Itachi together. It was the thing that she and Gaara connected on, though he was sure they hadn't talked at length about it. It seemed to be some kind of unspoken companionship between those who heard that voice in their head.
"Sasuke?" his mother was home when he arrived. She must have just gotten back from the lawyer's office. She was dressed nicely and her hair was pulled back into a square clip. "Sasuke, what's wrong?" Her reaction stunned him. He was still becoming accustomed to the way she was genuinely interested in what was going on with him.
"Oh, I, um, I said something I shouldn't have to Sakura," he said. He said at the little barstool area where his mother set a glass of juice down, along with some cookies. She'd begun cooking and baking again, snacks always at the ready for her boys. She seemed to be trying to make the best of their situation. She seemed to be trying to make up for years of being a hollow shell.
"What could you have said to upset her?" She hadn't met the girl yet, but Itachi had spoken much of her. She was kind. She was selfless. She was understanding and hard to anger. She felt a million emotions all at once and it made her burn brightly. Itachi was quite caught up in her, enough to describe her to his mother as though he was making poetry. Then again, Itachi was quite well spoken.
"She has mental issues. I don't think it's like Itachi, I don't know. The way she said it today was that it was like a little voice in the back of her head constantly telling her to kill herself and that she isn't worth it. She said Gaara, not Itachi, helped her with feeling better today and she blew up at me. I don't know, I just thought that she always talked to Itachi about it. She doesn't talk to me and Naruto, but she says it's because we don't get it."
"Well, you don't understand, do you?" his mother wasn't being condescending. It was a genuine question.
"I don't. It doesn't make sense to me. I can't imagine my own head telling me that I should kill myself. I thought of it while I was walking home." He shook his head. "It must be torture for her, though."
"Yes," his mother agreed. "It feels like you're being suffocated by your own mind. Much of the time, you know that the voice is very incorrect, but it only gets louder and louder. It is all of your insecurities yelling at you from the privacy of your own mind. It is impossible to silence, it takes a lot of energy to learn how to ignore it and learn how to not be affected. I thought that, sometimes, it would be better to just kill myself if it would only shut the voice up."
"You've felt this way too?" Sasuke found himself asking incredulously.
"Of course." She looked ten years older in that moment. She looked vulnerable, tired, unable to move. "It's gotten easier, ever since we left that place," she made a face at the mention of their old home. "There are new insecurities that are yelling at me from the privacy of my mind, but I know everything will be okay and that's helping me quiet my inner turmoil. Perhaps your friend doesn't know what it is she needs to quiet what she feels."
"I don't think she'll ever find out," Sasuke murmured. "She doesn't remember her past. She was in a bad accident that took a lot of her memories."
"Perhaps that's what the problem is," his mother gave him a sad smile. "Maybe it isn't that she lost her memories, Sasuke. Maybe it's that she can't remember them."
"You sound cryptic."
"It means she isn't upset that she lost them," his mother gave him a smile and roll of her eyes. "She's upset that she can't get them back. Wouldn't you be upset that you cannot remember anything? I'm sure she knew her name when she awoke, but did she know her friends? She must have known her brother, but how much? Her intelligence wasn't affected, thank God, but she must have forgotten many things. She must be wrestling with the knowledge that she will never be able to remember. It's like losing a piece of yourself. How can you really know who you are if you can't even remember?"
"When you put it like that..." Sasuke was kind of getting it now. Sakura couldn't articulate how she felt because she didn't know herself. Itachi didn't push her, only met her halfway with calm understanding because he knew what it was like to be missing a piece of yourself. Gaara must know as well or else he wouldn't have even attempted to approach her. "I get why she feels like it's a breath of fresh air when she meets anyone who might understand."
"Yes. Why did you react like that?" his mother asked. "Sakura doesn't have to talk to Itachi solely, you know. I know it's hard to believe, looking at myself and your father, but it is possible to have other friends when you are in a relationship."
"Well, look at you and father," Sasuke shrugged. "I didn't know. I mean, I know I was wrong the second she blew up on me. She would have conceded if I was right. I know Itachi won't be upset. He'll say he's happy that she can talk to someone else and share her feelings because both of them need more friends that understand it. Those people need more friends that understand them as well. It's like a club that I don't have access to and I guess it frustrated me."
"Yes. I can imagine that," his mother was still smiling calmly at him.
"Itachi was scared that Gaara, the guy that helped her out, liked her. I guess that I just got that niggling feeling in my head too and I overreacted." Sasuke sighed. "He doesn't like her. I don't see that in the way he interacts with her. She told me herself that it wasn't like that either. It just feels like I'm on high alert and I don't want him to like her."
"Well, I don't think he will," his mother gently touched his hand. "She calls Itachi every single night, like clockwork. He puts her on speaker sometimes, if he's doing something, and she sounds very sweet on him. Love at this age consumes you anyways, I don't think she'll have eyes for another boy." She seemed to be speaking from experience and it put him at ease.
"You're right."
"I'm always right. I'm your mother," she smiled. "Now get on and do your homework. I switched with someone today so I could go to the office. I have to get ready myself."
"How's it going?" he asked as he went to the little desk, pulling his bookbag out.
"We're almost done going through the paperwork, then he'll be served. We can meet with lawyers, or I can take him to court. You will probably have to show up at some point. You're still a minor and therefore there is custody to think about." Sasuke's heart throbbed in his chest. He was terrified.
"I don't want to see him. I don't want to have to be with him for any period of time." He looked at her with terror. He felt like a small child as his mother stopped. She looked at him in concern and crossed the room, pulling his head to rest on her stomach. He felt like a little kid when he'd hurt himself and had cried to his mother. He would shove his face into her stomach.
"I'm sure the courts will take that into consideration. You are not such a child that they may dictate your line of thought," she said calmly, stroking his hair. "You may say, yourself, that you have no wish to see him," she assured. "Now, go on and do your work. I won't be back until long after you're asleep. Dinner's in the fridge. Itachi's usually home around nine, so be sure that you have it heated and ready for him." She always scheduled her meetings on the days that Sasuke didn't have work in the afternoon. Then she could assure that there was a hot meal and someone awaiting Itachi when he arrived home. She never wanted him to return to an empty house again.
"Okay, okay," Sasuke swatted her away, giving her a shy smile. He didn't know how to feel, but she would say that that was okay. He called out a goodbye to her as she was leaving a mere five minutes later.
It was about an hour after she'd left when there was a rapping at the door. Anxiety roiled in his stomach as he stood from the desk. No one had come here yet. It scared him. Who could it be? He was alone. Itachi and his mother usually handled things like the office. He hadn't had to try and handle things by himself yet. Anxiety dizzied him as he walked to the door and stared into the peephole. Relief dizzied him now as he realized it was Sakura on the other side of the door.
"Hey," he opened the door. She looked uncomfortable and not at all like she wanted to speak to him. She was glaring at him. He didn't know if she was waiting for some kind of apology, but she was still too angry to receive it from him. "Are you here to chew me out again?" he sighed, feeling a bit hopeless. "Look, I know I was wrong. You wouldn't have blown up like that if I were in the right."
"I want to wait for Itachi," she said begrudgingly. Her eyes were still sharp. She gripped her left arm tightly. He knew what that meant. He didn't know if she was cutting herself recently, but it meant that she had been seriously thinking about it or had done it at some point recent. He silently stepped to the side.
She looked around in wonderment as she entered the living room. She hadn't been here yet. It was kept neat and tidy. The furniture seemed shaggy, the tables were a bit chipped and the sofa and couple of chairs were a little frayed. Though it seemed a little bad for taste, it felt homey. She didn't know where to sit, feeling a little awkward.
Sasuke pushed a hand through his hair. "Are you going to stay the night?" he asked.
"If Itachi lets me."
"Here," he led her to his room. Itachi didn't yet have a bed and he wasn't about to let them get caught on the couch when his mother came home. "It's my room, but Itachi's been saving for a bigger bed for himself. Just...nothing gross on my bed, you hear me?" He was really uncomfortable talking about this.
"We haven't even—" she sputtered, glowing bright red.
"Well that makes me feel better," he said seriously. At least he wouldn't be finding weird fluids on his bed. "Mom left lasagna for dinner. There's enough for you. Put your stuff down and we'll watch TV." Sakura nodded and did as she was told. He wondered why she felt so awkward. He couldn't smile at her to reassure her, still feeling rather upset about what had happened earlier.
They were silent as they watched the little flatscreen. She had pulled out her homework and was intently working away at it. She was glad that Sasuke had apologized, but she just wanted to see Itachi so badly. She just wanted to be in his arms. She had gotten so upset after Sasuke had said those things to her that she couldn't bear it anymore. She had come here just so she could see him for if but a moment. She was hoping he'd allow her to sleep here. Naruto would cover her, not that her parents would really go looking for her. It was easy to get away with things when they were afraid the wrong words would send her over the edge again.
At some point, Sasuke got up and warmed plates of lasagna. He was just about to bring them over when the door opened and Itachi sauntered in. He was exhausted, Sakura could already tell from the moment she saw him. His shoulders were hunched and drooping. His hair was hanging in his face and his feet seemed to drag across the floor. He didn't see her as he turned to take off his shoes.
"Itachi," Sasuke said, trying to get his attention. He didn't lift his face. He sighed. "Sakura's here." Itachi's head flew up as he looked about wildly. He spotted Sakura in but a moment. In another moment he had crossed the entirety of the living room. He gathered her up in his arms. He buried his face in her neck. He grasped desperately at the back of her shirt, shoving and tugging her against him. A hand was in her hair, pushing her mouth into his shoulder. He held her so tightly that he shook and that she could barely breathe. She could feel every breath he took as he breathed heavily. She didn't mind. Her arms were wrapped around his middle to the point of shaking as well. She couldn't help it. She felt the same desperation as he. He breathed deeply, relishing her perfume. He nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck, feeling her gloriously smooth skin glide across his lips, her silky hair brush across his cheek.
"Okay, that's great and all, but, like, food?" Sasuke said after a few minutes of watching them just stand there and hug each other. Itachi slowly removed himself from Sakura and looked up at it his brother, looking like he'd just woken up from a very long sleep. His eyes were bleary and unfocused. He rubbed his eyes and took the offered plate from his brother. Sakura went to get hers from the kitchen, muttering a thank you as Sasuke handed her a fork. She was flushing a bright red, obviously a bit more than embarrassed.
She went to sit beside Itachi, but, before she could, he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her down to his lap. She fell with a squeak, almost losing her food, but managed to keep it intact. Itachi just wrapped his arms around her. His food was off to the side. She could eat first, then he would. Sasuke didn't react to the scene. He sat in an armchair and began nonchalantly eating his food. Itachi rested his cheek on her shoulder. He breathed in her scent. Her hair smelled like hibiscus, her perfume smelled of lilacs. He relished her little body in his hands, her body in his lap. She was real. She was here. Relief was surging, hot and burning, through his veins. He held her so tightly that she must have had trouble eating. If she did, she didn't let him know. She just silently ate, setting her plate on the coffee table when she was done. He tucked her into his chest as he pulled his own plate towards himself and began to eat.
"Use my room tonight, 'Tachi," Sasuke said from where he sat. He didn't look over at them, a little embarrassed by the over the top PDA Itachi was instigating. "Mom will flip out if she catches you guys on the sofa. I'll just tell her that I fell asleep before you got home and that you just took my bed instead of waking me up."
"Thank you," his voice was mildly surprised.
"He says nothing nasty," Sakura said, a warning in her voice. Itachi couldn't help but laugh. Something about the way Sakura had said it caused a chuckle to burst from his mouth before he could stop it.
"I mean it." That was Sasuke.
"I know." Itachi schooled himself before long. "Something about the way Sakura said it caught me off guard. I apologize if you thought I took it as a joke."
"That's okay."
"Thank you, really, Sasuke," Itachi said. His brother had turned to him, at long last, to see the genuine gratitude in his eyes. Sasuke whipped his head back around, the tips of his ears on fire. He just nodded after he whipped away from him.
He finished his food, but didn't move to put the dishes in the sink yet. He was just happy to have Sakura here, in his grasp, and he didn't even care why she was here. Happiness overwhelmed him. He began setting his lips on anything he could reach. Her neck, her ears, every inch of her face. He was just so happy to see her that he couldn't help it.
Sakura flushed a deep red when he started to do this. She let him do what he wanted for a minute, then she pulled away from him to get the dishes to the sink. She was still flushing brightly, and he was just smiling to himself. He was just so glad to watch her. She was in his home. She was within his grasp. He could touch her. He'd had his mouth on her a moment ago. He felt intoxicated from her scent.
"Don't you take a shower about now?" Sasuke asked, saving Sakura from having to return to the rampant affection. Itachi seemed a little startled at his voice. He checked the time on his phone. He gave his head a little shake as if he had been stuck in a bit of a fog. He was still entranced by Sakura, the fact that she was here. He couldn't help but be completely engrossed in her presence.
"Yes, you're right," he finally said, rising. "Thank you, Sasuke." He went to the bathroom, the two of them hearing the soft click as he closed the door.
"Thank you," Sakura breathed as she collapsed on the couch.
"That was embarrassing for me. I can only imagine how embarrassed you feel," Sasuke said lightly. He was still blushing quite a bit. They avoided each other eyes. "I can't blame him," he stated quietly. "He wouldn't say it, but he really, really missed you."
"I did too," she whispered. They had seen each other on their lunch breaks at school, but that was no such place for what just transpired in this living room. He couldn't hold her like that without being written up for disciplinary. He couldn't run his mouth over her skin or kiss her when there were teachers about. She had been so desperate for him and for his touch that she had come here without thinking. She hadn't thought about whether Sasuke would let her in or if Itachi would be okay with her appearing out of thin air. She sighed. It had worked out. Stop feeling anxious.
She heard the shower shut off. Itachi walked out a few minutes later, rubbing his hair over with a towel. He sat next to her, his arm already snaking its way around her waist. He pulled her against him as he continued drying his hair. When it was mildly damp, he finally gave up and got up. He came back, again, a few minutes later, his hair brushed and deodorant applied. He wasn't keen on smelling bad if he was about to share a bed all night with her.
"Time for bed," he said quietly, gently, as he held out his hand. She allowed him to help her up and lead her to Sasuke's room. "Goodnight Sasuke. Thank you again," he said sincerely.
"Goodnight," Sasuke just waved a hand, not looking away from the flat screen.
The second the door was shut, Itachi had her pressed against it, his mouth desperately searching for hers. His kisses were harsh, his yearning for her clear in the way he held his body so completely against her. She felt trapped, her arms around his waist, as he slid a hand behind her head, angled her mouth just a little, so he could part her lips with his tongue and thrust it into her mouth. She was mostly just holding onto him now, her knees weak from his desperate, wanton kisses.
He was breathing so harshly when he finally pulled away. He leaned his forehead against hers. She could feel every muscle in his body, every dip and curve, and his chest pushed against hers as they breathed. She felt hot and bothered, but they weren't about to do anything. Not with what they'd promised to Sasuke.
"Fuck," Itachi cursed, the first time she'd ever heard it. "I missed you, so much," he murmured, his strong arms lifting her so she settled on his waist. She could feel that he was excited himself, though she knew he would calm eventually. They hadn't spoken of sex yet, or when they would have it, but she knew, inherently, that he would not push it on her tonight, promise or not to Sasuke.
He fell into the narrow bed with her, drawing her to his chest. He held her just like she loved. He slid an arm underneath her and around her waist, pulling her into his chest. He pushed his hand into her hair and held her securely to his chest. He kissed the top of her head, holding her tightly for a long minute before relaxing his hold.
She rested her left arm on his waist. He froze. Confused, she watched him move and draw her arm from his waist. A flush crept up her neck as she realized what he'd figured out. He traced the edge of the bandage just under the sleeve. He must have felt it. It was thicker than what she'd usually wear.
"Oh, Sakura," he whispered. He wrapped her up in his arms again. "Why didn't you tell me, love?" he seemed bent on comforting her here and now. He held her just as she liked. He kissed her on any skin he could reach, reassuring words flowing from his lips as he murmured and kissed. She basked in his attention, the tightness in her chest slowly unwinding.
"You're very busy and exhausted already," she whispered back to him. "I didn't want to bother you. My friend helped me a bit today, but I just...really wanted to see you. I couldn't hold it in anymore."
"Jesus," Itachi borrowed Sasuke's favorite curse word. He tilted Sakura's face up so he could capture her mouth. This kiss was not harsh or desperate. It was slow and sweet. He kissed her once, twice, three times, before pulling his mouth from hers and kissing her forehead. "You are never a bother, love," he whispered in her ear. "Next time, break down the door. I care little. I am here when you need, so act a little more spoiled for me. I don't wish you to go through everything by yourself. You've never left me by myself. You don't have to be strong all alone anymore." He cradled her, her green eyes visible in the darkness. He continued the sweet kisses, pressed to her forehead, her cheeks, her mouth. He brushed his hand down her back and through her hair, over and over, comforting her.
"Promise I'm not a bother?" her voice was barely a squeak.
"Never," he promised. "If you want to spend the night with me, I will never say no. If you beg me for a few hours, as you did last night, I will find a few hours. I'm still busy, I know, but that does not mean you have to be ignored. I thought you were okay, you have to tell me when you are not. I cannot see into your mind, love, I need you to tell me these things."
"Okay," she answered, her voice still so very small.
"Promise me," he urged her. He kissed her mouth again. Her lips were beginning to become bruised with all these kisses. He didn't care. He just kissed her again. "Promise me you won't try to be strong all by yourself anymore. That's what I'm here for," he whispered. He held her so tightly still, as if she might slip through his fingers if he let up his grasp, even a little bit. He was a little upset, a little thrown off, that she had kept this all to herself. As was her nature, he knew, but he didn't want her to do this anymore. He didn't want to see her hurt anymore. She couldn't fool him, but she had managed, for the most part, tonight. That was what scared him. He didn't want her to get any better at fooling him.
"Promise," she finally said. "No more razors, no more bandages."
"Only love," he finished for her. He would give her all the attention she needed. He would help her, until he no longer could, to find the piece of herself that was missing, just as she had helped him. He loved her, would do anything for her. He smiled as he felt her snuggle closer, bury her face in his chest. She gave a soft, thin whine, and he couldn't help but chuckle. He slid his hand into her hair and held her against his chest. She really, really liked it this way.
"Hey," he murmured, trying to rouse her if only a little.
"Hey," she murmured back.
"I love you."
"Forever?"
"Forever and ever," he promised without even missing a beat. She had never done this before, but it was decidedly cute.
"I love you too," she mumbled, her voice a little muffled for she had buried her face back in his chest.
He was smiling to himself as he felt her slowly drift off to sleep. He was still oh, so worried about her. He was doing alright now, if a little busy, but she was still suffering as she always had. He needed to spend more time with her. He needed to figure out, even more so, what made her tick. He knew her memories were the thing that tortured her; he just needed to figure out just how she could come to peace with herself. He had found it easy, but, as he knew, it was easier for him.
He thought a final thought right before sleep took him over.
He should meet this Gaara guy.