Twelve: Clara

Plot: After Clara's death, Nell and Ricky aren't the same people they once were. For Nell she never had experienced the loss of a child before and Ricky feels like everything is his fault.

"I checked Ricky this morning. He's feeling better," Bobby Lee smiled softly before frowning as he spotted his wife staring into an empty crib.

The two of them were still grieving after the long night they had. Nell's screams playing into his mind as he remembered Edward comforting her before Lydia made the heartbreaking discovery that his wife and their daughter had a miscarriage.

That had never happened before when she had been pregnant with Elena, Gabby, and Ricky. It seemed surreal.

But it wasn't as Bobby Lee laid a hand on Nell's trembling shoulder.

"I still can't believe it," Bobby Lee murmured. "You were healthy! You did everything right!"

"Sometimes, even when you do everything right, something like this happens," Lydia murmured. "Neither of you are at fault."

"I remember Ricky's face last night before everything happened. He was so worried about me but I brushed him off," Nell muttered, still looking at the crib. "Now I'll never get to see Clara's little face or hold her. That was always the most satisfying thing about giving birth. Once they were cleaned up, I got to hold them and their little head would rest on my chest. I-I won't be able to this time."

Lydia's heart broke at Nell's words as Elena walked inside the room, frowning at not seeing the baby bump her mother once had.

"Mommy, what happened? Are you okay?" she asked as she sat down next to her.

"No..." Nell trailed off, wondering how she could explain this. But Lydia had always said that if she had something difficult to say, she should just start talking, and it would be easier to get out. "Love Bug, Ellie, sweetheart...it's Clara. We lost her!"

"Mommy..." Elena murmured, hugging her. She gave Nell her stuffed Jaquin Bluebell to help calm her down. "Is there anything I can do?"

Nell hugged Elena with one arm and squeezed Bluebell with her other hand. "You can check on Ricky. I know he was sick, but he was also worried about me."

"I will," Elena promised, taking Nell's eyes away from the crib.

"Roland and Miranda know that I'm taking off from work today," Bobby Lee explained, knowing that both Nell and Lydia had to be wondering why he wasn't in his uniform. "In fact Roland gave me a few days off."

"He did?" Nell asked in surprise.

"He understands how it is when a loved one dies," Bobby Lee murmured, "After Queen Melinda passed, he said he couldn't focus on his duties. He was there for Amber and James, of course, but it was like the three of them were in a fog as they went about their daily routines. But you know that James took it especially hard, since he lost his voice at the funeral."

"But at least he's singing around the castle and in public again," Nell smiled a little.

"It did take a few years, but he learned that Queen Melinda never held him to what he said about that," Bobby Lee also smiled a little. "Let's just hope nothing like that happens now."

"Especially with Ricky," Lydia smiled sadly, looking at the crib.

"Ricky you okay?" Elena asked, seeing her little brother cuddling with Zoomer.

"Better," Ricky sniffed, frowning at Elena's face. "Did something happen?"

"I think I'll let Mommy and Daddy tell you," Elena murmured as Gabby came up to them. She whispered something in Gabby's ear, and Ricky could tell that it was bad. Gabby had put a hand over her mouth and ran to Nell's room.

"Is it bad?" Ricky asked, starting to get a little scared. He saw Bobby Lee in the doorway, and he asked, "What's going on?"

"Your mother lost Clara last night," Bobby Lee sighed, trying to blink back the tears in his eyes.

"How?" Ricky frowned, looking at Zoomer.

"We don't know how it happened," Bobby Lee said as he sat next to him. "The doctor told her that she did everything right, but sometimes this sort of thing happens."

"Why?" Ricky asked.

"That's a good question, buddy," Bobby Lee murmured.

"It's because of me, right?" Ricky asked. "I'm sick, and so Mommy got sick and she lost Clara!"

"That's not true buddy," Bobby Lee assured, stroking his hair.

"Yes it is!" Ricky sobbed, burying his face into Zoomer's fur. "I was a terrible big brother!"

Bobby Lee felt his heart break, walking out of his son's room to let him grieve alone for awhile.

He also knew that Nell wouldn't want to talk about babies or think about them. Only looking at an empty crib where a happy little girl should've been and cradling Clara's doll that Elena had picked out.

He came back and sat beside Nell. "I just told Ricky about Clara," he murmured.

"How's he feeling, and how did he take the news?" Nell asked.

"Ricky thinks it's his fault," Bobby Lee sighed. "He's had that cold for a few days, and he tried not to go near you while he's been sick. But he's starting to think that since he's been sick, it made you sick, and that caused you to miscarry."

"A cold can't cause a miscarriage," Nell frowned in disbelief. "Mama and Papa are taking down the nursery decorations. Looking at the teddy bears and the ducks on the wall hurt so much. I haven't even told Bri and Maddie."

"They'll know by the quiet atmosphere and lack of noise," Bobby Lee sighed, squeezing her hand. "We were so excited you and I."

"And once again Amber helped us plan everything!" Nell chuckled a little. "The kids helped. Even Gabby despite her schedule with Sofia."

"But now that he knows about this, will Ricky act like James when he lost his voice?" Bobby Lee wondered.

"Of course not," Lydia murmured. "What happened with James losing his voice was an accident. Ricky wasn't responsible for Clara's death."

"No he wasn't," Edward agreed, holding one of the ducks that were once in the nursery in his arms.

"Your dad wants you to at least keep one of the ducks," Lydia explained, seeing Nell's somber expression.

"I think that's a good idea," Nell whispered, looking at another little duck. "I'm going to keep this one."

"I think we should all have a duck," Edward murmured. "We'll all have a little memento of Clara, and know she's watching over us."

"That is a good idea," Bobby Lee agreed, taking his own duck. "But we'll let Elena, Gabby, Madeline, and Sabrina take something for themselves."

"Well the nursery is still filled with some stuffed animals," Lydia smiled somberly, wiping away a tear. "We'll let them take one."

"What about the crib?" Nell frowned, looking at it. "I can't part with it."

Bobby Lee squeezed her hand, nodding softly in understanding. Parting with the crib was going to be the hardest.

Madeline and Sabrina came up a few minutes later. When they learned what had happened, they sandwiched Nell in a hug. "Is there anything we can do for you, Nell?" Madeline asked.

"What could you do?" Nell asked. "I'm sorry, girls; I didn't mean to snap at you, but..."

"Nell, don't worry about a thing," Sabrina murmured. "We've got a little angel watching over us now. Clara wouldn't want us to be upset."

Nell smiled a little. "You're right, Sabrina. But it's just going to take time for us to heal."

"She's been looking at the crib all morning," Bobby Lee sighed, taking it in his arms. "But I just thought of something that we can do with it."

"What can you do with a baby crib?" Sabrina wondered in shock.

"Howie can make anything out of whatever he can get his hands on," Madeline teased, musing Sabrina's hair.

"How about a shadowbox?" James suggested. "After Mom died, Dad, Amber, and I took the trinkets she had, and we made shadowboxes with our favorite items."

"I remember that," Amber smiled. "We took our favorite little trinkets and put them in our own boxes. If there was anything bigger, like a figurine, we'd put them on our dressers."

"Or we'd keep them in our closets and remember happy times by ourselves," James' smile faded. He remembered how he'd kept the castle Scout Sprite in his closet, and how the family had discovered his secret about her.

"You don't have to do that anymore, James," Sofia smiled. "Dad said that you can bring her out whenever you want. It doesn't have to be for just Wassalia anymore."

"She's right," Bobby Lee smirked, musing his hair.

"You think Howie won't be busy today?" Madeline wondered, causing Sabrina to blush.

"Don't tease her Maddie," James smirked, seeing Sabrina's red face.

"He's helping make a special dinner for us," Sabrina admitted. "When he heard that Nell was expecting, he started making plans. But I don't know what he's going to do now."

"You can still have your special dinner," Amber suggested, "Only this time, you can make it be a memorial dinner for Clara."

"That's a wonderful idea, Princess Amber!" Lydia smiled, pulling her into a hug.

"I'll go visit Ricky," Nell said, taking one last look at the crib. "Hopefully he's calmed down by now."

"I'm sure he is," Lydia assured, kissing her cheek. "Edward, you go with Nellie. Ricky might want some Grandpa time."

Nell and Edward peeked in Ricky's door. They saw him lying on his bed with Zoomer and Greenie next to him. They carefully sat down next to him on the bed, since he was asleep, having worn himself out from crying.

"It's not your fault, Ricky," Nell murmured, stroking his hair. "None of this was your fault."

"You didn't do anything wrong, buddy," Edward murmured, gently rubbing his back. "Helenita, I'm going to stay with Ricky until he wakes up. If he feels up to it, I'll try to talk to him."

"Okay," Nell nodded. She smoothed Ricky's hair back and kissed his forehead. "We love you, Ricky."

"Mommy? Grandpa?" Ricky mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"I was just about to leave buddy," Nell explained, smiling softly at him.

"No!" Ricky yelled before covering his mouth. "Please."

"It's all right, buddy," Nell murmured, "If you were sleeping, you should sleep."

"But what if when I go back to sleep, something happens to you?" Ricky asked.

"You know, I had the same concerns about that when my father died," Bobby Lee murmured as he came in to check on Ricky. "Nothing's going to happen to us if you're asleep, Ricky."

"Stay with me?" Ricky asked.

"Sweetheart, of course we'll stay with you," Nell smiled. "None of us should really be alone right now."

"I don't want to sleep now anyway," Ricky muttered, looking at Nell. "You scared me last night."

"I'm sorry sweetie," Nell sighed, squeezing his hand. "It's just what happened was so terrifying."

"I know. I heard you yell for the doctor," Ricky frowned. "If I hadn't been sick, Clara would still be here."

"Don't think like that, Ricky," Nell murmured. "If you get sick, you get sick. Me losing Clara had nothing to do with your cold."

"Helenita's right," Edward nodded. "You already had that cold of yours for a day or two. We just found out about Clara, so your cold had nothing to do with the miscarriage."

"Is the nursery still opened?" Ricky asked softly, almost embarrassed.

"It is. We were thinking of keeping little memories of your little sister," Bobby Lee smiled, musing his hair.

"It's okay if I had one?" Ricky hoped. "But if it gets Mommy upset again then I won't."

"Ricky, buddy, of course it's all right," Bobby Lee smiled. "We're all taking a little memento of Clara."

"I could never be upset about you wanting a memento of Clara," Nell agreed.

"Okay," Ricky went over to the door, but he paused. "Come with me?"

"Of course we will," Nell smiled, pulling him into a hug.

"We wouldn't want you alone buddy," Edward smirked, stroking his hair.

"Especially not now," Bobby Lee agreed, opening the door to the nursery.

When they entered the nursery, Ricky looked around for something he might like. His eyes fell on a little white plush bear with angel wings, who was kneeling in prayer. "I think I found something," he murmured.

"I was hoping someone would pick that one," Nell smiled. "Elena and Gabby thought it was cute, but Ellie saw that little music box, and Gabby took Clara's doll."

"And we got ducks," Bobby Lee smiled, holding his duck close.

"I thought Mommy didn't like birds," Ricky smirked a little.

"Hey! Only geese! Not ducks!" Nell mockingly pouted.

"Then can I have a duck too?" Ricky asked.

"Of course you can," Nell smiled, mussing his hair as Ricky found a small blue duck. "Madeline and Sabrina also picked out their favorite mementos of Clara before we came here. Sabrina found that cute little plush squirrel, and Madeline picked out that brown and white cat with the white dress."

"I think Zoomer and Greenie will love their new sister," Ricky smiled a little as he hugged his angel bear.

"I'm sure they will," Nell smiled. "Just as I do with mine."

"But what about the nursery? Clara's crib?" Ricky frowned, holding back tears.

"We're working with Howie on the crib. But what do you think we should do with the nursery?" Edward asked, musing his hair.

"Maybe we could turn it into a different sort of room," Ricky suggested. "It could be like a place where Sofia and Gabby go to relax after they come back from their adventures."

"That's not a bad idea," Nell smiled. "They might need a quiet place where there are no distractions, just like how we set up Elena's room when we learned that she had autism."

"We can also put in something that plays soft music, and bean bag chairs so they can relax and have something soft to fall back on if they want to sleep," Edward agreed.

"But we'll do that later," Sabrina smirked, peeking her head in. "Howie just arrived."

Ricky ran out of the nursery excitedly before bumping into Howie who mused his hair.

"I thought you weren't feeling well," Howie smirked, spotting the bear.

"Sorry, Uncle Howitzer," Ricky smiled. "I was just getting my memento of Clara."

"And you picked some nice ones," Howitzer smiled, seeing the angel bear and the blue duck. "I was wondering how you were feeling."

"I'm feeling better," Ricky smiled. "But I feel bad for Mommy."

"I do too. In fact why don't you help me with a project?" Howie suggested. "A building project. Your dad gave me the crib when I arrived."

"But what are we going to do with it?" Ricky wondered with a smile. "Mommy loved the crib."

"We're going to turn it into a shadowbox," Howie smiled. "James told me about the idea, and I remember my Mama doing something like that when someone passed away. Since we all found some mementos we're going to keep, we'll put the rest in the shadowbox."

"That's a good idea," Ricky smiled.

Howie mused his hair, taking his nephew-in-law by the hand as Sabrina smiled at their interacting.

Ricky had met Howie at two, understandingly not remembering the first time they had met, and had gotten along with him after he had cheered him up with a smile since the little one had been grumpy from a time-out.

Then again, Ricky, just like Bobby Lee, always enjoyed the times he got to play with the other younger people in the castle, especially James. They'd sometimes get together and sing, or James let him read one of his mystery stories.

Ricky remembered how James had been especially thrilled when he got a letter from Queen Elena, saying that Mateo had made a few more copies of the book with the story he had written, and given two copies of it to Howitzer and his mother, who in turn had given the second copy to a publisher in Avalor. Now everyone in Elena's kingdom, not just her family and friends, were enjoying his stories.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Sabrina smirked, cutting Ricky away from his thoughts.

"No. I was just remembering," Ricky admitted, looking around. "Aunt Sabrina can you keep Mommy distracted?"

"We're a big family Richard Edward Johnson the second," Sabrina teased playfully. "Nell will get distracted easily."

"Good point," Ricky smirked. "Anything can distract Mommy easily!"

"That's for sure," Edward smirked. "When Helenita was younger, anything would take her attention from what she'd want to do. If she was cleaning something, she'd stop in the middle of that and help in another room of the house!"

"She still does that sometimes," Lydia smiled. "I'll keep her distracted."

"Thank you Grandma!" Ricky exclaimed before kissing her cheek. "Come on Uncle Howie! Let's build that shadow box!"

"I swear sometimes he spent way too much time with Elena when he was younger," Sabrina smirked, seeing Howie being dragged away.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Lydia smiled. "Ricky always loved doing anything Elena did, especially when it came to kitties."

"That's right," Sabrina smiled. "They'd dance with their kitties together, and make up stories for their plush kitties together."

"She was his first word too," Nell recalled with a smile. "Elena was so excited to hear him talk."

"Speaking of talking, you and I have some of it to do Nellie," Lydia said, taking her hand.

"Is it about Clara?" Nell asked softly, almost in tears.

"Come with me, sweetheart," Lydia murmured.

When they were alone, Nell murmured, "I think I know what you want to ask, Mama, but I just don't know if I can handle having another baby. I would like to hold a little one in my arms again, but I just don't know right now."

"It's all right, and I was going to ask if you wanted to try again later," Lydia admitted. "You know you're welcome to try whenever you want. If you want to, that's wonderful, but if you don't, that's fine too."

"Thanks Mama," Nell muttered, holding back tears.

"You're welcome sweetheart," Lydia assured, stroking her hair.

Losing her third grandchild wasn't something she wanted to look back on anytime soon as Lydia took Nell outside for some fresh air.

"You just take all the time you need, Nellie," Lydia continued. "We'll all stand by you and your decision."

"Maybe I'll adopt one of the kitties in the stable like Elena and Ricky did," Nell mused, "Kitties make good grandchildren too, right?"

"Yes they do!" Lydia chuckled, thinking of Elena's kitty Snow White and Ricky's kitty Stripe, "And I remember what James said when Ricky was born too!"

"Oh, yes. James said that the only grandchild Roland and Miranda get from him has four legs, a tail, and lives in the stable with Snow White!" Nell joined her mother in laughing as she remembered what Bobby Lee had told her after Ricky had been born.

"And Roland says Jagger is a good grand-dog," Lydia grinned, "He's Elena's and Madeline's therapy dog, he lets Sabrina, Gabby, and Ricky play with him, and he gets along very well with Howitzer!"

"Speaking of him, Ricky likes to play with him too," Nell smiled. "He always has."

"Especially after his time-out," Lydia remembered with a smile. "Why was he there anyway?"

"I don't even remember anymore," Nell admitted. "All I know is that he was really upset that he couldn't have Zoomer or Greenie until bedtime, and Howitzer and James came in a few minutes after his time-out ended, and when I went to check on him, they were all singing."

"Like James says, music has been known to make everything better," Lydia smiled.

"It's true," Nell smiled before it turned into a smirk. "Too bad none of my kids are musically inclined. Elena writes like no tomorrow, Gabby's adventurous, and Ricky's learning how to guard."

"Only two more years and he'll be apart of the junior guards just like his dad," Lydia smiled, stroking her hair again.

"And he'll come home with cuts and scrapes. Being the youngest in the group wasn't great for Bobby Lee," Nell recalled after her rescue with Bobby Lee's telling of the story.

"But he'll be all right," Lydia smiled, "Robert always pulled through his injuries, and just because he was the youngest didn't mean that he wasn't just as important as the rest of the guards."

"And he actually did leave Jimmy with a few bruises to remember him by!" Nell grinned. "After he got Sabrina out of the closet, he hit Jimmy's head against Beth's, told them never to put her in a closet again, and got her out."

"Never underestimate the little guy!" Lydia grinned, repeating what Bobby Lee had said as he, Edward, and Lydia had taken the girls to the hospital.

"We won't underestimate Ricky either!" Nell smiled.

…

"Nell can you come here for a second?" Sabrina asked a couple hours later as Nell looked up from her tea.

"What is it Bri?" Nell wondered. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Sabrina smiled, covering her eyes. "Ricky asked me to get you but you cannot see what it is yet."

"Oh, come on, Baby Girl! Tell me what you're planning, please!" Nell pleaded, twisting around, pulling Sabrina into a hug, and covering her with kisses like she and Lydia used to when she and Madeline wanted to show them surprises.

"No, Nell! You have to wait!" Sabrina giggled. "Maddie's outside the door and she's going to lead Mommy!"

"Okay," Lydia smiled. She and Nell closed their eyes and let Madeline and Sabrina lead them out the door.

"Just one little peek?" Nell begged, trying to open her eyes.

"Now I see where the girls get it from," Edward smirked, standing beside Ricky. "Okay Helenita you can open your eyes."

"A shadowbox!" Nell smiled when she saw what Ricky, Edward, and Howitzer had all made. "That's a wonderful idea! And it has little decorations from the nursery in it! But Ricky, you put your angel bear in it? I thought you wanted that as a memento of Clara."

"Sofia made a copy of the angel bear and put it in the center of the display," Ricky explained. "After she gave me the original bear, I put her in my room so she'd be safe, and so Zoomer and Greenie could meet her."

"Good idea," Nell smiled as she hugged him.

"You can put it on your nightstand Miss Helen," Howie smiled, handing her the shadow box.

"I thought Sabrina didn't want you to use formalities when it came to me," Nell smirked.

"I didn't listen to that," Howie confessed, noticing Sabrina's glare.

"Don't worry, Sabrina," Nell smiled. "If he wants to call me Miss Helen, he can. He calls Bianca Miss Parkington and Florence Mrs. Johnson. He's just trying to be polite."

"I know, but he doesn't have to be so formal," Sabrina smiled a little.

"I know, Baby Girl, but he can get used to casual addresses in his own time," Nell grinned.

"Oh yes, take it one day at a time," Sabrina giggled, repeating what Nell and Bobby Lee always said to Elena and Gabby.

"Let's go set up that shadow box Helenita," Edward grinned, taking her hand

Nell smiled softly, holding back a lump in her throat.

Even if Clara wouldn't be with her in spirit, she would be with her always.