Whom Have You Incarcerated Lately?

Camicazi whistled appreciatively after hearing the story. "You're pretty brave, Hiccup – for a boy, of course. What can I do to help?"

Astrid opened her mouth to inform the legendary Camzi that they had everything handled, but Hiccup beat her to the punch.

"You can help me carry files from my desk," he practically chirped.

"Fantastic!" Camicazi beamed, righting her chair with a slam. "Let's go! Oh, and I'll swing by later to check your joint out before giving an answer, Astrid."

"Check my joint out," Astrid fumed as soon as they left, chatting gaily with each other. She turned to her own desk and violently flipped through her own files to see if any were connected to Hiccup. "Who does she think she is? I ought to press charges for theft." Why hadn't Hiccup mentioned Camicazi to her before? From what Astrid had heard, they used to be best friends!

"Check my joint out," she muttered, throwing files and her laptop into her messenger bag without looking at them. "The nerve of her!" There was no vocabulary to describe how vexed Astrid was at the moment.

Gobber's Fix It Up Shop wasn't hard to find. A few hours later, when Astrid pulled into the parking lot, she was greeted with an extraordinary clamor of drills, hydraulic lifts, engines, and the beeps of machinery that would have set her teeth on edge if Camicazi hadn't already.

"HELLO THERE, LASSIE!" A yellow-haired man with quite a few missing teeth and a Scottish voice definitely louder than Stoick's welcomed her. He proudly displayed an interchangeable right-hand prosthetic as he hobbled over to her. "Was yer car in a crash?"

"Huh?" Astrid shot a glance back at her vehicle, not seeing what he meant. "No! Why do people keep making comments about my car? I'm a friend of Hiccup's!"

"Ah! Hiccup! Fine lad he is! Does good work. He even made me arm and me leg! Everyone is waiting for ye in the basement." Gobber pointed in the direction of a door with a comforting radioactive sign bolted into it.

That was interesting. Astrid hadn't known that Hiccup made prosthesis for other people. "Thanks."

"And would ye mind telling 'Iccup that the car in block C1 needs a necessary rundown? He'll know what I mean."

"Will do." Astrid opened the door with a heavy tug. The Night Fury did love his gloomy dark stairways, for that was what awaited her. Undeterred, she plowed right on down the steps, turned a sharp left and was met with the sight of the new hideout.

The room was less Stygian than the factory's basement. Work tables lined two and a half walls, and drawers and shelves abounded with all the supplies the master tinker needed. Above the shelves, the Night Fury's ever-present surveillance screens hung. Ten huge cubby holes were embedded into a blank wall, their owners not yet declared.

In the center of the room, plush couches surrounded a large circle coffee table. Like Sir Arthur and his knights, Astrid mused.

"Nice digs," Astrid commented to Hiccup. Stacks of files buried laptops on the coffee table. With pleasure, she noted that he was sitting on a couch opposite Camicazi. Astrid plopped down in between Snotlout and Tuffnut.

"Just how many people have you incarcerated lately, Hiccup?" Fishlegs asked in awe, staring at the skyscraper of files on the coffee table. He was a new recruit and didn't have the experience to have required such a repertoire.

"Enough to make this job miserable," Hiccup responded gloomily.

"Maybe we could eliminate those who wouldn't be mad enough to kill you," Tuffnut suggested.

At the same time, Ruffnut cried, "I've got it! Let's eliminate those who wouldn't be mad enough to kill you!"

"I thought of it first!" Tuffnut challenged haughtily, convinced defending his pride was compulsory.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did not!"

"Did too. Wait – what?"

"ENOUGH!" Astrid bellowed. "Since you two are so full of energy, why don't you two do the preliminary eliminations?"

The twins started to protest, but Astrid scowled at them like a wolf that hadn't eaten in a month and was considering broadening her menu.

The twins started looking through the papers.

About ten minutes later, they gave up.

"Hiccup, couldn't you have dealt with someone's lost cat or something?" Astrid rubbed her forehead in circles.

"Let's just assume that everyone in those papers doesn't like me." Hiccup sighed. "This may take longer than I thought."

"I can go grab some pizza if everyone's hungry," Snotlout offered, wanting to get out of the room before Astrid picked on him.

"Okay!" Fishlegs cheered.

"You're buying," Snotlout informed him.

Fishlegs frowned. "Less okay." He reluctantly handed over a twenty dollar bill to Snotlout, who made a grand exit to purchase the pizza.

Astrid dumped a stack of files in Camicazi's lap. "Sort through all the people and take out anyone who's in jail."

"Gotcha." Camicazi opened her laptop and pulled up a web browser. She frowned. "The wi-fi is out."

Fishlegs arose to deal with the technical difficulty. Astrid gave Hiccup, Tuffnut and Ruffnut their share of papers before grabbing her own.

"Mulch. Found guilty of housing sheep in a domestic zone," Astrid read aloud. "I think we can rule that one out."

"The Judsons?" Camicazi asked.

"That was diamond smuggling," Hiccup recalled. "They hid the precious stones in the contours of modern paintings. You know, the ones with the huge bumps and ridges."

"Eliminate!" Camicazi tossed the case into the increasing discard pile.

"Lunch is served!" Snotlout announced, coming in a little while later, steam arising from the boxes balanced on one hand. He free-fall dropped a mini pizza box into everyone's lap. "Any luck?"

"Nope." Ruffnut sighed. "These papers go on forever. I could have blown up a building by now."

"Pineapple and... liver?" Hiccup asked, grimacing as he stared at the contents of his box.

"Oh, that's Tuffnut's." Snotlout swapped the pizza boxes. The twins apparently had the same wacky tastes in food. As for Astrid? She was content with cheddar cheese and pepperoni. Everyone multi-tasked, a piece of pizza in one hand and papers in the other.

"I think we should call it a day and get back to our original jobs," Astrid declared, finishing her pizza. Seeing double, she rubbed her eyes. "Maybe we'll find something else out tomorrow."

Everyone blinked at her, not having considered the idea. Hiccup stretched his arms out and popped his shoulders. Camicazi and the twins followed suit, the twins trying to crack as many joint as possible before Astrid put a stop to it.

The room was silent for a minute until Snotlout shouted, "Hey, everybody! Pass me your leftover pizza!"

…

Reading a bunch of case files took more energy than Astrid had thought it would. At the end of the work day, she drove home and collapsed on her couch. She never wanted to see another manila folder again. No, scratch that. She never wanted to see another dog fortune teller case again. Or maybe both. She couldn't decide which was worse.

Before Astrid's mental Idiotic Debate Forum could go on, her phone buzzed, informing her of a text message from an unknown number.

Hey, Astrid. Mind if I swing on by?

Who is this? Astrid texted back, too lazy to use more than her pointer finger. Her phone immediately dinged in reply.

Zee Great Camicazi! Who else?

How did you get my phone number? Astrid absolutely hated it when complete strangers knew her personal contract information, even if they were friends with Hiccup.

I swiped Hiccup's phone. He had you on speed dial.

Astrid scowled. That thief!

Another message came in from Camicazi: So can I come over?

Astrid gave Camicazi her reluctant consent and her house address before sprawling spread eagle on the couch again. The house was clean enough, she decided. She didn't need to get up to tidy it.

DING DONG. Astrid jolted awake and it took her a second to realize that it was the doorbell that was going off. She rubbed her eyes, got off of the couch, and fluffed up the decoration pillow.

The doorbell went off again with more force.

"All right, already!" Was it a revolutionary concept to have patience? Astrid flung open the door with a plastered fake smile to disguise how much she hated the blonde and wanted to slam the door back in her face.

"Hello!" Camicazi greeted her cheerily.

"Hi." Astrid opened the door wider so Camicazi could come in. "The second bedroom is this way." Cutting to the chase, Astrid directed her to the room. It was down the hall from Astrid's, but far enough away that they wouldn't bother each other.

"Right now I'm just using it for storage. I can move all the boxes to the basement. I require mandatory payment for half of the utilities, electric, and food. No pets. Is it satisfactory to your tastes?" She asked sarcastically.

"I like it!" Camicazi declared, taking her seriously. "It's a deal!" She took Astrid's hand and shook it vigorously.

Making sure she still had her watch, Astrid led the way back to the living room. She stood around awkwardly, not wanting to seem impolite by kicking Camicazi out, but she wanted her gone.

"I'll see you later," Camicazi said eventually.

"Later." With relief, Astrid shut the door behind her and bolted it shut just in case Camicazi had swiped her house keys, too. Why did she agree? The sanctuary of her house was going to be invaded by a sticky-fingered nut. She bemoaned this to herself as she wandered back over to her couch, flopped down, and turned on the television. Normally Astrid didn't prefer to watch the news, but she needed to know that she wasn't the only person in the world with problems.

"-and the footage is amazing, Frank! Get a look at this!"

Someone had filmed the scene on a cellphone, for the edges were blurry and the whole thing was shaky. In an alley a dark-skinned teenager juggled and did tricks with a soccer ball, surrounded by teens. Several people whooped and the general atmosphere was rowdy and fun.

Suddenly, a person off camera screamed. "Watch out!"

A girl pushed the soccer player, and just in time, too. A large, gray object crashed into the ground where he had been performing with a sickening bang.

The person who held the phone jerked the view up to a balcony above the alley. A wisp of white disappeared like a ghost.

"Several other incidents like this have happened, but the identity of the saboteur is till unknown; however, the police assure the public that they will soon have the culprit in custody."

Astrid turned the television on mute and picked up her cellphone to call Hiccup.

"Hiccup, are you watching the news?" she asked when he picked up.

"...Yeah."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"...Yeah. Should we get the rest of the gang?"

Astrid mildly pondered if that included Camicazi, then she berated herself for obsessing. Camicazi was going to share a house with her, so she would have to learn to like the thief... eventually.

"Nah, we can just take a look around. Whoever did it is probably long gone."

"Meet you at the lamppost." Hiccup hung up.

The lamppost was another one of Hiccup's ideas that Astrid couldn't tell whether it was brilliant or dumb. After everything with N.E.S.T., Hiccup had picked a random lamp post downtown to meet at should the need arise. When Astrid asked why a lamppost, Hiccup had vaguely responded, "All that lies between the lamppost and the great castle of Cair Paravel on the Eastern Sea." He needed to find something better to do with his time than read classic paperbacks.

Astrid forwent her car, grabbing only her coat for the walk. She hunched her shoulders against the cold wind that sliced into her skin.

Hiccup was waiting patiently for her when she arrived. "Do you know which street it happened on?" she asked, coming upon him.

"Yeah. I recognized the apartment complex. It also doubles as a motel."

"How are we going to get in?" Because of the late hour, waking up the owner and asking for admittance would not be an option.

"You'll see when we get there." Hiccup adjusted the green, striped scarf he was wearing to better block the cold.

"Both you and Camicazi wear fingerless gloves," Astrid observed.

"Yeah, well, she wears her gloves like that so she can get a better grip when picking pockets," he informed her. "I wear them because normal gloves make my fingers too clumsy to handle the fine parts of whatever project I'm working on."

They were now at the alley. Hiccup peeked around the corner. Full of life during the video, dark and murky shadows lurked in it now. Without hesitation, they entered it.

Astrid craned her neck to see the balcony. "That's kind of high up." Not that Astrid was afraid of heights.

"No problem." Hiccup pulled something out of the inside chest pocket of his leather coat. Handing one crutch to Astrid for safe keeping, he deftly unfolded spikes to reveal a grappling hook. "You go. You have the strong arm muscles, Astrid."

"Yeah, but you have dragon night vision, and I forgot to bring a flashlight," she countered.

"I can't climb well."

"Then we'll both go," Astrid concluded.

A/N: Thanks for all your follows, favorites, reads, and reviews!

Can anyone name where Hiccup's lamppost quote came from?

Rider