Kix and Jesse came into Seventy-Nines much later than Rex expected. He sat up a little straighter to watch them from his table in the corner.
Jesse went up to the counter first, making friendly gestures to the bartender; Rex couldn't hear what he was saying over the music. Kix leaned on the counter with a faraway expression. They shifted to one of their favorite spots near the end; the bartender brought their drinks in tall white mugs followed by two small shot glasses. Jesse downed both shots in quick succession, then cupped his hand around the tall mug. Kix half-closed his eyes as if he already had a hangover. Jesse put a hand on Kix's shoulder and the medic shrugged it off.
Rex watched them until they emptied their mugs, Kix more slowly than Jesse but no less persistent. Rex stood and slipped around the edge of a very loud and enthusiastic game of sabacc. He came up behind Jesse and Kix and announced his presence half a moment before putting one arm around each man's shoulders.
"Kix. Jesse. Just the men I wanted to see. You two have some explaining to do."
"Captain?" Kix only managed not to spill his ale because it was mostly gone. He gave a short, nervous laugh. "About what?"
"Sorry we didn't invite you to come to the bar with us, sir," Jesse said, grinning a little as the bartender handed him another drink. "We didn't think to stop at the barracks first."
"Get this man another ale," Rex said to the bartender, indicating Kix. "Netra'gal for me." He turned back toward the other two and put on a more serious face. It wasn't hard. "The general wants me to look into exactly what was going on with you two the night Fives was killed."
Kix and Jesse dropped their smiles and exchanged a quick, nervous glance.
"Well, sir… you see," Jesse began awkwardly. "We were already drunk when—"
"No, no, come on," Kix said softly, patting Jesse on the shoulder to stop him. "It's alright, Jesse… we may as well confess. They both already know I let Fives go."
Jesse grimaced sheepishly. "Right."
"Confess what?" Rex demanded. "Where exactly were you when you last saw Fives?"
"Right here, actually," Kix sighed. "Well, the 'fresher. He came in there after me."
"So you both came here to look for him, and decided that could wait while you had a few drinks?" Rex gave them a pointed look.
"We…" Kix grimaced. "Uh… we sort of… planned to get drunk, sir."
"Already drunk when the call came in," Jesse said in an undertone, brow furrowed guiltily. "That was going to be our excuse."
"Funny, how that worked out," Kix said faintly. "If we hadn't been here, maybe he wouldn't have found a way to contact you and the general. And then the doctors might not have figured out the cure for that parasite."
"I see." Rex paused, studying their guilty faces. Jesse seemed particularly uncomfortable, while Kix stared back at him steadily, then picked up his drink
"Why don't you just tell us what our punishment's gonna be, Rex?" Kix asked after he'd drained the last of it. "We made our choice, and now we'll suffer the consequences."
"You mind explaining what possessed you to disobey orders like this?" Rex leaned closer to them, speaking low. "Kix, you saw what happened to Tup. You saw what he did, and you must have known that failing to capture Fives could mean more unnecessary deaths. Even Jedi."
"Yes sir. Of course I knew that," Kix nearly whispered. "But I'm the chief medic, and all I can say is… Fives may not have been acting exactly like himself when he met me here, but he seemed lucid. He had a plan! That's not like what we saw with Tup. I…." Kix sighed and looked at the bar counter. "I really thought he might know something we didn't. Until we heard about that parasite, anyway."
Rex accepted his drink from the bartender and took a few sips to excuse himself from replying for a minute. Jesse was watching him uneasily, so Rex turned to him next.
"And you, Jesse?" Rex growled softly. "What was your motive for planning to lie about where you were?"
Jesse hid behind his mug for a second, took a gulp, then a deep breath and straightened a bit. "I am sorry, Captain. I guess… I just didn't want to see a good soldier like Fives in a condition like that. I couldn't stand the thought of hunting him down. Maybe… maybe that makes me a coward." Jesse hunched his shoulders a little.
Rex didn't say anything immediately, hoping Jesse would say more. For a moment he was reminded of the awful truth that if one of them had stunned Fives first, maybe Fox wouldn't have killed him.
"Somebody had to be the one to capture him." Rex prompted with a sigh. "I don't think any of us wanted to do it, but we had our orders. You know that."
"Yeah. I know," Jesse said quietly with an edge in his voice. "I've had my share of difficult orders. I was there on Umbara. I was there standing right next to Fives waiting for my own brothers to shoot me because Krell gave an order! I know all about how important it is to follow orders no matter what."
Rex hadn't heard Jesse use such a tone since the actual events of Umbara. It didn't soothe his anxious conscience to be reminded of where he'd stood during that firing squad.
"That was different, Jesse." Kix frowned at his friend. "Krell was a traitor. We were ordered to find Fives because he tried to kill the chancellor."
"I-I know! I know," Jesse fumbled, shifting to hold his drink with both hands. "I just…." He blew out a slow breath. "Fighting against my own brothers… I never thought I'd have to face that again. I know he tried to kill the chancellor, but… it wasn't his fault!" Jesse slammed a fist on the counter suddenly, teeth clenched. "He shouldn't have died like that! He deserved better!"
Kix put a hand on Jesse's fist sadly, and Jesse unclenched it to put his head in his hands.
"He was a good soldier," Jesse groaned. "He shouldn't have died like that. If I ever find out who did this to him, I swear I'll—"
"Jesse," Rex said warningly. "No one did this to Fives. It was a parasite, remember?"
"Who gave the order to kill him?" Jesse continued obliviously. "I mean… why? Isn't he at least worth more than that? He was one of the best! And they could have saved him! They knew he was sick, they knew it wasn't his fault! But they just don't care, do they? It's just easier to—"
"Jesse!" Kix hissed, glancing around to make sure his outburst had gone mostly unheard. "What are you saying? They shot him for the same reason Captain Rex ordered us to shoot him. Tup killed a Jedi! For all any of us knew, Fives was about to spread the same insanity to the rest of the army and even more Jedi could have been killed!"
"No, wait, I'm not saying 'snot important to protect the Jedi," Jesse said, his words slightly slurred despite his alarmed expression. "But…I'm just saying, if it was a Jedi who was sick… would they have killed him just like that? Would they?" Jesse's anger had faded back into grief now. "I know we're just soldiers… that's all we are… our lives can't be… they're… we're not the same as a Jedi… but Fives… Fives should've… they should've…."
"We're all loyal to the Republic," Rex said reassuringly. "I know neither of you would ever dream of betraying it willingly. Just like Fives. It's alright, Jesse."
"Yeah," Jesse said, staring at Rex with a conflicted look. "I mean, sure… I get upset sometimes. I… I wish sometimes that we weren't so… so…." Jesse gestured uselessly.
"Expendable?" Kix sighed, and reached for his drink.
"Yeah. Expendable." Jesse blinked hard at his own fist, frowning. "Sometimes I think about all of us who don't even make it past the first battle. All that training and it's all gone, and then there's more shinies to replace 'em. And then you live through so many battles just to die from a bug you can't even see! Or you sacrifice yourself so your brothers can live to fight another day, and they're nearly executed an hour later! What happened after all that trouble with Krell? We got sent right off to another battle! After all that. We weren't even allowed to go back to look for survivors!"
"There wouldn't have been any by then," Kix said, looking defeated. "Anyway… sometimes I think the ones who died early on were lucky… they didn't get forced into killing their own."
"I'm sick of all this," Jesse muttered, kneading his forehead with his knuckles. "I'm sick of all the death."
Rex just stood there, feeling strongly the taboo of how they were speaking now. But these experiences had changed them all irreversibly. And, he realized… it wasn't just the horror of Umbara, or the events on Ringo Vinda. It was the accumulation of all of it, the fear that all their blood and sacrifice might turn out to be meaningless.
"I'm… sick of it too," he said heavily. "Can't get a break from it, even in my sleep."
Kix's eyes were fixed on him and Rex couldn't tell if it was Kix's duty as a medic kicking in or something more.
"I know!" Jesse blurted. "The dreams, they've been getting worse all the time!"
Rex felt a sick rush of adrenaline. "The nightmares?" he prompted.
"Yeah," Jesse grunted, rubbing his eyes. "Ugh. Y'know, I was kinda worried about it, but I asked Kix and he said it's normal, he has 'em too…."
Kix opened his mouth as if to argue, but then just sighed and scratched his neck. "Well, I… I assumed. I've actually only had one or two other troopers report having these… particular dreams."
"And what dream is that?" Rex asked.
Kix looked around as if searching for an escape route, and Rex wondered if this was how he'd looked when General Skywalker had forced him to talk.
"I know you believe we're designed to withstand any kind of stress in combat," Kix said at last. "But I wonder sometimes… if that's true…because I have a theory that sometimes all this killing goes to our heads. Maybe consciously we can't be corrupted by it… but in our dreams… everyone becomes a target."
"A target? Kix, what do you mean?" Rex leaned closer.
"I mean… maybe deep down we're all afraid that killing is all we're good for, and it doesn't matter who we kill… someday maybe we won't care anymore who we're killing, even if it's our own friends… we'll stop caring because that's what a good soldier… does." Kix's voice was low and he stared at Rex as if waiting for a reprimand.
"You're not making any sense, Kix," Rex said calmly, although a chill was washing through his stomach. "A good soldier wouldn't kill his own allies."
"Not unless he was ordered to, sir," Kix said nervously. "And that's the problem, isn't it?"
"You're saying that you have dreams where you're ordered to kill allies?"
"Kill the Jedi!" Jesse blurted, all too loudly. Kix bristled and shushed him with a slap on the arm.
"Yeah, keep it down, Jesse," Rex said. He glanced around, thankful for the loud music for once. Still, the bartender was staring at them. "He's drunk."
"Very drunk," Kix laughed nervously.
"Sorry," Jesse mumbled. "But that's right, isn't it? We have to kill the Jedi. All of 'em. In the dream, I mean. Always the same mission. Can't do anything else. It's like I'm… trapped in my own body, and someone else is controlling it."
"That's funny," Rex muttered. "I've been having dreams just like that for a long time. And they've only gotten worse since Ringo Vinda. What about you, Kix?"
Kix nodded miserably. "Yeah. Me too. Before Ringo Vinda. What do you think it means?"
Rex thought carefully of how to respond. He didn't want his men getting involved in this for their own safety.
"Maybe you're on to something, Kix," he finally said. "Maybe it is stress related. Because of how often we have to follow orders, and watch our friends die as a result."
"When Tup first snapped," Kix confessed, "I thought it might have been this nightmare, somehow, if he had it too… maybe it just became reality. Maybe… he was just sick of it all. In a way… I'm glad it was this parasite that got him, because if I was right about it being combat-related, well…."
"It would mean a flaw in our design," Rex finished for him. "It would mean these dreams are because we all secretly hate the Jedi, is that what you're getting at?"
"No… we don't hate the Jedi, just this war," Kix said. "Like Jesse said, we don't always like the orders we're given… but at least they usually make some kind of sense. Maybe these dreams are a result of wondering what would happen if we were forced to turn against our own. Maybe the Jedi in our dreams are just a, a symbol or something."
Rex took a deep breath. "It's not easy to know when it's better to disobey orders. All of us who survived Umbara know that it might be necessary again someday. But we've been trained our entire lives that following orders comes before everything else, even the lives of our comrades."
"Y… yes, Captain," Kix said contritely.
Rex shook his head. "That wasn't a reprimand, Kix. I understand you're not saying any of this to criticize our leaders. Right now… I'm not speaking as your captain. Just another clone who went through the same thing you did. Back on Umbara, and in countless other battles." He motioned to the bartender for another drink. "I always thought… it was pretty clear, what our duty is. But sometimes it's not, and at times like that, we have to trust our own judgment." Rex frowned at his glass. "There are some choices I've made that I look back on now and wish I could have done differently."
"I know," Kix said, glancing at Jesse regretfully.
"Ahh, I can't be too hard on my brothers," Jesse mumbled, slumped against the counter with his chin in his hand. "'Sall Krell's fault anyway." He shoved Kix affectionately and Kix laughed and caught himself against the counter.
Rex took a long sip of his refilled drink. Now that he had his answer, it was a relief to get Kix and Jesse off the subject of the dreams and onto something a bit less dangerous, if no less treasonous. The knowledge that they all suffered from these same nightmares and fears, whether conspiracy or not, was unsettling, but also comforting in a way. He wasn't the only one who had struggled with these questions or wondered if there was something deep inside his mind that was terribly, terribly wrong.
…
It was early afternoon when Rex arrived at the library. Information was what he needed, and the library seemed like the obvious first step. In truth, he had been up since before dawn, woken by yet another nightmare, but had restlessly wiled away the hours, telling himself that there was nothing suspicious about a clone visiting the library. He had never directly heard any of his men mention using the library system, but that didn't necessarily mean it wasn't a common thing. Eventually, he decided he would wait until the afternoon, hoping that going later would mean more people in the library and less attention drawn to himself. Still, Rex felt like a trespasser from the moment he set foot on the front stairs.
Study must have done it, Rex reminded himself. Not all the information he gathered was available from the army databanks in the barracks.
His posture carefully composed to show that he did not feel out of place, he strode purposefully past the front desk. But the librarian—a Cerean whose face was near level with Rex's despite her tall head—emitted a scandalized gasp that halted him in his tracks.
"Hello, soldier. Is there a problem?"
"It's Captain, actually," Rex said, then instantly hoped the librarian didn't take offense at such a response. "Uh. Hello," he tried, with a more friendly tone.
The Cerean looked like she was raising her eyebrows at him, but Rex wasn't sure if that was just the way her tall forehead normally looked.
"Captain, then. Is there a problem, Captain?"
"No. No problem, ma'am. I'm just here to do some research."
"We don't allow weapons here," she said, peering accusingly at the belt of his service uniform despite the fact that Rex had left his DC-17s at the barracks. "Or violence of any kind. If you're here to arrest or question one of our patrons, you'll have to wait until they leave the premises."
"I'm not here to arrest anyone." Rex gave her a steady look. "I'm part of the Five-Hundred-First, not a member of the city guard."
"Not part of the city guard?" She looked perplexed. "Then… what are you doing here?"
"As I said, I'm here to do some research," Rex repeated, more slowly this time, consciously aware that this conversation was much too loud for his comfort. "This… is a public library, isn't it? Anyone can use it?"
"Yes. Yes, of course," said the Cerean, looking slightly flustered as she picked up a damaged holobook she had been repairing, then set it down again. "I, uh… I simply didn't expect a clone to have any interests—ah, interest. In coming here." She set her fingers above the computer console in front of her, but glanced back up at him two seconds later as if startled that he was still there.
"I don't have any weapons on me," Rex assured her, spreading his arms slightly so she could see. "And I don't intend to cause any trouble."
"Of course," she said. "Although, I'm afraid our selection of holobooks related to military training is sure to be unsatisfactory compared to the army's reference computers… much less the databases on Kamino, I'm sure."
"Sorry, ma'am," Rex said awkwardly, "but I'm not looking for anything like that. Maybe you can point me toward the history section."
"Oh! Oh." Somehow the puzzlement on her face kept getting stronger. "We don't have a section specifically on the history of cloning, but—"
"Just the, uh, general area will be fine, ma'am. As long as the years are clearly marked, I'm sure I can find what I'm looking for on my own after that."
"Alright." She stared at him in such a way that Rex briefly imagined her calling to one of her colleagues to come look at this oddity, exclaiming over him as one might over a fascinating bit of unidentified organic matter. But she just lifted a hand and pointed down the main walkway. "It's on the northwest corner of the bottom floor. There's a lift down that way."
"Thank you," Rex said, bowing his head slightly before turning and striding quickly away. He checked his pace after a few steps, realizing that to hurry in this place might be inappropriate, considering the peaceful atmosphere. But civilians had been stopping to stare at him by the librarian's desk, and if his mere presence made her so uncomfortable, perhaps the less time he spent here, the better.
Down below him and to the left, rows of shelves glowed dimly with the light of holobooks, mostly washed out by the much brighter light of the sun pouring in through the ceiling. Once Rex had descended to the bottom floor, he felt less watched. Everyone down here was absorbed in what they were reading, and only a few glanced up as he passed.
Rex took a few steps into the history section and found himself surrounded by hundreds of holobooks, their sides sporting thinly lettered titles on the Expansionist Era and the early formation of the Republic. Three aisles later things got a little more current… meaning, less than a dozen millennia ago. Rex walked to the end of the shelves and crossed in front of them, noting the centuries as they passed. He caught glimpses of subsections devoted to the various sectors of the galaxy and the early histories of individual planets or cultures. For a moment, the sheer volume of information overwhelmed him.
Four thousand years ago, and then three thousand, the markers said. There were Sith wars and Mandalorian wars, and Rex even did a double-take when he saw the name Fett out of the corner of his eye. Cassus Fett, perhaps some ancestor of his own. But he hadn't come here to look up Mandalorian history.
The sections got larger as they drew closer to the present. At last, he reached the last one, which encompassed the last fifteen years and thus, the year his own life had begun. It was an odd feeling, realizing how short a time he had lived, standing on the edge of the unknown with so much history behind him. A few moments later, his wandering eyes stopped and he reached for it: The Life of Chancellor Palpatine.
He called up the holographic preview. The title image was of a beautiful city surrounded by water and lush plant life. Rex looked at the table of contents, tracing his finger down the chapter titles and the years. Invasion of Naboo, said the chapter which was marked with the very same year Rex had been an embryo.
Rex grabbed a stack of other holobooks at random and went to find a free table, passing several open ones that were too close to other people, and finally settling on one tucked behind a subsection on creation legends. Half an hour later, he had read the entire chapter, checked the index for any mention of Kamino or clones, and started skimming the text from the beginning.
Organic chips, built into our genetic code. If every clone truly had been implanted with these chips at birth, the best time for Palpatine to interfere would have been the very beginning. But so far, there was not even the slightest hint of how the chancellor might have been involved. Contrary to Rex's expectations, the chancellor had not even been in a position of much power until that year. He was only a senator from Naboo, who had neither the means nor the motive to create a conspiracy of such magnitude.
Rex's brow furrowed as he stared down at the page. There had been no indication of coming war with the Separatists in that year. He scrolled through the surrounding pages to double check. Yes: the Confederacy of Independent Systems hadn't even existed until after the clone army was commissioned.
Rex had always assumed that the clone army was created in response to a pre-existing threat, but if this book was at all accurate, then they were created in a time of relative peace. If Chancellor Palpatine hadn't commissioned the clone army, who had?
He paged forward to the first mention of clones: the First Battle of Geonosis. The word was buried deep in a long paragraph. In response to this sudden discovery of a Separatist conspiracy, the Senate granted Chancellor Palpatine emergency powers. The desperate situation which led to such a dramatic change in policy became apparent when the first battle of what would become known as the Clone Wars broke out that same day, and a force of over two hundred thousand clone infantrymen was led by Jedi Master Yoda to vanquish the droid armies of the CIS. This clone army was later renamed the Grand Army of the Republic….
That was all. No further mention of clones in that chapter, and the next only briefly touched on how the chancellor helped to organize the army under Jedi generals. There had to be some information somewhere about who commissioned the army to begin with.
Rex looked up to check whether any of the other books he'd grabbed might be useful, and froze. A clone trooper was approaching his table—a commander by the insignia on his tunic.
"Reading anything interesting, Captain?" The commander leaned across the table and lifted the biography so he could see the title on the side.
The commander could have been nearly anyone. He had the typical clone hairstyle, and no tattoos or other markings on his face to set him apart.
"Just… catching up on a little history," Rex said casually, trying to watch the other's face without being too obvious. He reminded himself that, as uneasy as he felt, he was doing nothing wrong. It wasn't all that strange for a clone to be reading about the First Battle of Geonosis.
"Life of the Chancellor," the commander said with eyebrows raised, and pulled out a chair across from Rex. "Could be enlightening. What else are you… investigating there?" He tilted his head to look at the stack of books Rex hadn't yet touched.
Rex pushed them to an angle where the commander could read the titles more easily. Most of them were biographies of other key figures in the war. There was even one about Senator Amidala.
"Looks like you have an interest in politics." The commander leaned back in his seat, but left his palms resting on the table between them. His expression seemed pleasant enough.
"I just like to stay informed," Rex said, and closed Palpatine's biography. "Is there something you wanted to speak with me about, Commander?"
The commander stared straight at him for three or four long seconds before his eyes narrowed a little. He glanced around and leaned forward again. "Well? Did you find anything?"
"Sir?" Rex gave him a questioning look.
"About what he said. You know… in the warehouse." The commander's voice dropped to a whisper, his eyes boring into Rex.
Rex stared back, skin prickling. "Commander Fox." He was relieved that his voice sounded merely surprised. "I…didn't recognize you out of your armor."
Fox shook his head slightly, glancing around again. "Sometimes, brother, it's a good thing not to be recognized."
Rex stayed silent, trying to work out if that sentence was a warning, a taunt, or a confession.
"I can't say I blame you for being cautious," Fox went on. "I've been pretty spooked myself since that whole thing with Fives happened."
Rex squinted at Fox. "I don't follow you."
Fox's brow furrowed. "Let's just say for a second that he was right. About everything. It would be a pretty big risk to even ask questions about it, right? You wouldn't want anyone to think you were being… disloyal."
"I'm on leave, sir," Rex said bluntly. "I decided that learning a little history would be a good use of my time. I don't think anyone can accuse me of disloyalty just for looking at books that are available to every citizen of the Republic. But if you're saying someone does have doubts, I'd be more than happy to address them."
"Oh, I wasn't talking about you," Fox said grimly, lacing his hands on the table. "I was explaining why I'm here. And why it's a relief that you didn't recognize me, actually."
Rex studied Fox's face. His instinct was to continue playing dumb, but Fox was as close to the chancellor as any clone had ever been or probably ever would be. If he was telling the truth and wanted to help investigate… his resources and internal intelligence would be invaluable to any effort Rex made to uncover the truth.
Maybe the knot in his stomach was just a result of seeing it again in his mind's eye: the smoking hole in Fives' chest, and the gun in Fox's hand. But maybe it wasn't.
"Could I offer you some advice, Commander?" Rex said quietly, mind racing.
Fox blinked. "By all means."
"I assume that you were following orders, the night Fives died. Maybe you weren't given explicit orders to shoot to kill, but all you knew was that Fives had tried to assassinate the chancellor, and maybe you knew that he might be infected with something that had already made another trooper go insane and kill a Jedi general. You did… what you felt you had to." Rex inhaled slowly. "Maybe now you've thought twice about what happened. But even if the chancellor were in on some conspiracy, like Fives claimed, what good would it do for you to try and investigate? Or me? What could we do that Fives couldn't? General Skywalker heard everything Fives said, and he took it to the Jedi Council. I think this is a matter better left to them."
Fox's eyes narrowed more and more as Rex went on. He looked worried.
"How much did you hear, anyway?" Rex asked.
"I'm not sure how long you were already talking to him when my men and I arrived." Fox shrugged. "I heard him accuse the chancellor, and he mentioned this thing about the chips before, when we were escorting him off the ship. But anyway… then I saw that he'd trapped you and General Skywalker in that ray shield. My next move seemed like the obvious response."
Rex sighed under his breath. "What did Fives say about the chips?"
"He said they were being used in a conspiracy to control the army."
"That's all?" For a moment Rex had dared to hope that another clue would present itself.
"Yeah. Why? Did he say something more about it to you?"
"No, sir."
Fox frowned at him. "So you really aren't worried about what he said."
"I can't think of any reason why the chancellor would be part of such a conspiracy," Rex said honestly. "I don't know how Fives came to that conclusion. I wish I did. But he's dead now, and can't tell us any more about it. And nothing we do from this point on is going to change that fact. So unless you know something more about why Fives believed he was being framed by the chancellor, there's nothing we can do but accept that Fives… really had lost his mind to that parasite."
"I guess you're right," sighed Fox tensely, drumming his fingers on the tabletop. "It's just been… bothering me, this whole… conspiracy thing. I really hoped you would know something more about it."
"Sorry, Commander. I wish I did. I would think," Rex mused, "being the leader of the Coruscant Guard, you'd know the character of the chancellor better than any of us."
"Well," Fox laughed lightly. "I'm not a senator. He doesn't tell me everything. But you're right… from all I know of him, the chancellor's no traitor. He has the Republic's best interests at heart."
"Well, then," Rex said evenly. "I guess we've got nothing to worry about."
Fox looked at him sideways. "I wouldn't say that, Captain. There are still plenty of other possibilities. If the Separatists are involved, I would worry plenty. If they can get at the chips in our heads, that suggests a very high level of infiltration among Republic forces. It could mean the war's outcome was decided before it even began."
"Hmm." Rex shut off the biography and set it back on top of the stack. "We're supposed to be immune to that parasite now. If one of us goes crazy again, then we'll know there's a conspiracy still ongoing. But the mastermind behind it had better target someone else's men, because they're not gonna get any more members of the Five-Hundred-First. Not on my watch."
"On that note… I'd be vigilant, if I were you, Captain." Fox stood and leaned across the table a bit, speaking in a much sharper and more unsettling tone than he'd yet used. "Fives may not have been solely responsible for his behavior, but I've noticed you and your men are a little unorthodox to begin with. You don't want to attract any more unwanted attention to yourself. If a conspirator is responsible for this, I wouldn't be surprised if they were targeting the Five-Hundred-First. You've made it easy."
"Thanks for the warning." Rex said quietly. He stood too, and Fox took a step back. "I think it's time for me to visit the mess. Excuse me, Commander."
"See you around… Captain."
Rex deposited his books with a shelving droid and headed for the exit, careful not to seem too particular in where his eyes wandered on the way out. Fox didn't seem to be following him.
The librarian was gone from the front desk when he passed it, and Rex wondered if Fox had encountered any trouble coming in, like he had. The commander had waltzed up to him as if two clones meeting in the public library was the most natural thing in the galaxy, but the librarian's attitude suggested differently. Fox's presence could not have been an accident.
Once he was out in the open, surrounded by the familiar noise of traffic and voices, he realized just how tense he had been during that conversation. For a moment, as the anxiety faded like a dream, he wondered again if he was overreacting, made paranoid by all this talk of plots and deceptions. Perhaps Fox's normally dramatic manner made everything he said seem much more sinister than it was. Maybe he was honestly worried about this incident and had gone to such lengths out of hope that Rex could help put his mind at ease.
With a sinking feeling, Rex realized that it was too big a risk either way. Even in the unlikely event that Fox wasn't involved at all, getting him further involved would be too dangerous—he couldn't trust the commander's discretion in sharing such treasonous thoughts. This plot—if it existed—involved the use of clones, and any clone who knew about it ran the risk of being marked as a threat… to be eliminated as soon as possible.
…
Rex barely tasted any of what he was chewing as he sat in the noisy mess hall. His investigation had only just begun, but he was already running out of ideas for where he could look further. He had hoped his visit to the library would lead him in a new direction, but although Fox had cut his research short, Rex had a feeling he would have found little in the other books in his stack. He should probably have felt relieved to have found no evidence of a conspiracy, but if it was really a plot so deep and dark, any evidence that might have existed would have been destroyed long ago. Rex felt the first flicker of fear that he would never be able to move past this, because no lack of evidence could ever prove that a conspiracy didn't exist; it could just as easily mean the mastermind was in a position of considerable power and knew how to manipulate information. Rex put down his fork. The foodboard sitting on his tray had never looked so unappetizing, and that was saying something.
"They're back!"
"Victory on Ord Radama!"
An uproar of cheers by the doors brought his head around. The 212th was streaming in, a mass of white and goldenrod, and the men around the room were lifting their glasses in toasts. Cody was there at the front, laughing at the loud congratulations as his brothers crowded around slapping each other on the back and shaking each other by the shoulders. Rex hadn't seen him look so genuinely thrilled since their graduation into the army.
Cody caught his eye across the room. Rex stood and went toward him, but the crowd was too thick to reach him right away. For a moment Rex lost sight of him until suddenly Cody was there right next to him, gripping his arms
"Rex!" Cody yelled happily. "We're halfway there! Ossus and Ryloth are already ours, and the Seppies are pulling out of New Bornalex! We're going to win this war!"
"Course we are." Rex forced a smirk. He felt less of Cody's contagious excitement than he wanted to.
"I heard you were there on Ryloth!" Cody threw an arm around Rex's shoulders and tried to extricate himself from the crowd. "Too bad Commander Bacara and General Mundi had to take all the credit, right?"
"Oh, I don't think General Skywalker will let them take all the credit," Rex said dryly. "Or General Secura, for that matter." Cody was pulling him forward aimlessly, occasionally stopping to grip hands, arms, or shoulders of comrades, so Rex headed for the table he'd just vacated. Cody followed, still not letting go.
"It was all worth it." Cody said it in one big exhale. "Let me tell you, that was a long, exhausting battle, but we won!" He grabbed at the air with his free hand, clenching a victorious fist. "It was all worth it. Guess this means you'll be shipping out to Xagobah soon."
"Maybe," Rex said, wondering if General Skywalker would allow him to return to service in time.
"Eh, I wouldn't worry." Cody let go of Rex so they could both sit down. "You'll be back here before you know it! Those clankers can't take the terrain like we can. Once we start this second wave of assaults, we'll only keep building momentum. I predict total surrender from the Separatists in less than a year!"
And then what? Rex thought. He kept a small smile at the corner of his mouth, to encourage Cody to go on.
"I don't know where General Kenobi will be taking us next," Cody said. "If he's not sick of swamps yet, maybe we'll join the fight on Xagobah."
"Yeah. Maybe."
Cody's grin faded quickly. "Rex, what's wrong? Something's bothering you." He froze for a second. "That's right—the parasite. I heard… it killed two of your men."
So that was the official story. No mention of the manhunt for Fives, although surely word would get around through everyone who had been involved. Rex clenched his hands under the table.
"Yeah. Tup… and Fives."
"Fives?" Cody's face fell and he shook his head. "He deserved a better end than that."
"At least we have a cure now," Rex said, not wanting to puncture the jubilant spirit in the room. "Anyway… it happened before we even went to Ryloth. I've already spent more than enough time thinking about it. Now it's time to celebrate your victory."
Cody hesitated a moment, then gave in and smiled. "Right. Our victories. Here we are, back together again! And I'm starving, actually."
"Better get in line before all the 'boards are gone," Rex said.
"Yeah." Cody walked off, and Rex was glad to see the spring already returning to his step. And now that General Kenobi was back, he had an idea of where to take his own next step.
Cody returned a few minutes later with a stack of sliced foodboard and something that looked suspiciously like dressed up energy pudding.
"Welcome back, Commander," Rex tried joking.
"Good to be back," Cody said as he sat down. "Did anything else happen while I was gone?"
"Not really," Rex said. "Listen, Cody… I need to ask you a favor."
"Alright." Cody took a bite.
"I need to speak with General Kenobi… alone."
Cody swallowed hard and winced. "Okay," he coughed. "Sure. But… is something wrong?"
"I'm not sure yet." Rex looked at Cody earnestly. "And I don't want rumors spreading around if I'm mistaken. I just need to ask him some questions, that's all."
"You're being awfully mysterious." Cody raised his eyebrows. "But alright. I'm sure you'll tell me what's going on sooner or later."
"If there's anything to tell." Rex tried not to feel guilty about lying; his secrecy was for Cody's own protection.
"I'll tell him you would like to meet as soon as possible, then."
"Thanks," Rex breathed in relief. "So… looks like you didn't lose too many this time."
"Less than I expected, for such a large operation," Cody nodded. "At one point, though, things looked like they might take a turn for the worst. Over half our forces lost communications, but we all just stuck to the plan, and apart from a few diversions… things worked out exactly like the general predicted. Longest textbook battle I've ever fought, but there were a lot of clankers. By the time we were finished, the roads were practically paved with them." He huffed a laugh. "The cities looked like massive scrap piles!"
"That'll teach the Separatists. A few more battles like that, maybe they'll finally start running out of droids. It can't be cheap to keep building new ones."
"Cheaper than we are," Cody said. "But you can't beat quality with quantity, right?"
Rex laughed under his breath, aware that he still wasn't measuring up to Cody's high spirits. But Cody seemed willing to overlook that, and Rex was grateful when a few sergeants and commanders of the other divisions came up to distract him. It was good to see that life went on as usual, as much as Rex had felt isolated lately. And that made the thought of this conspiracy all the more frightening. Just like on Ringo Vinda, someday this might all come crashing down at a moment's notice, with no warning, and leave a trail of unanswerable questions in its wake.
…
Obi-Wan stared at the map of Ord Radama, and then back at the grid from the sensor logs with its little blips of light that represented ships. As well as the battle had gone on the ground, the battle above the planet had been very different.
"Found any new information about their tactics?" Master Choi asked over hologram.
"No. But I don't think their ships were equipped with anything particularly unusual." Obi-Wan sighed and pulled at his mustache nervously. "From the readings I see here, it seems the first two of our ships to be decimated were flying without operable shields, just like the others who fell back. I've thoroughly debriefed the command crews of each surviving ship that was forced to retreat, and I believe the key is in the order of events. As soon as those ships began firing, something happened so that their weapons system overloaded, and the shields failed."
Master Choi pulled his head back so that his scaly chin rested on his collar. "Hm. Unlucky coincidence?"
"I don't think so. I'll request a report on where those ships last stopped for repairs or modifications. Someone must have done a bad job on them. It may have even been the same person for all five ships."
"Don't worry, Master Kenobi," General Choi said brightly. "I'll look into it for you. You shouldn't worry so much. These things do happen sometimes, you know, and technology isn't always reliable."
"Mm yes, I suppose you're right… but I have a bad feeling about this."
"Perhaps some meditation is in order," Choi suggested kindly. "In the meantime, I'll get the results of my investigation to you as soon as I can. May the Force be with you."
Obi-Wan bowed slightly and Choi's hologram disappeared. He turned back to the grids he was studying and wondered if perhaps it was time to take a break after all.
His communicator beeped, and Cody's voice came through. "General Kenobi."
"Yes, Cody?"
"Captain Rex asked me to relay a message to you, sir. He would like to meet with you privately as soon as you are available."
Obi-Wan frowned at his wrist. "Curious. Did he say why?"
"No, sir. He only said that he wanted to avoid any rumors if he was mistaken."
"Mistaken about what, I wonder," Obi-Wan said half to himself.
"Your guess is as good as mine, General. Will you meet with him?"
"Yes," Obi-Wan said, after only a moment's hesitation. "Tell the captain I'll meet him at the command barracks at eighteen hundred hours. Was anyone else told of this?"
"I doubt anyone was listening in, sir. We're all too busy celebrating."
"Let's keep it that way for now. I appreciate your discretion."
"Any time, sir. Cody out."
Obi-Wan lowered his arm with a sense of creeping dread. Rex's concerns should have been brought to Anakin. There could only be one reason the captain was coming to him instead—Anakin had done something that Rex wanted to report to the Jedi Council.
Eighteen hundred hours was nearly an hour and a half away. Obi-Wan tried turning his attention back to the holograms, but after a few minutes of staring blankly at them, he knew it was futile. His mind was no longer on the details of his own mission, but on Anakin's. He called up the report, wondering what his former Padawan might have done.
There was no hint of questionable behavior in the report—by all accounts, Anakin had assisted the transfer of casualties without any problem, and then provided a diversion for Secura and her troops. No unnecessary bravado, no suspicious blanks where he might have slipped off to some secret rendezvous. Obi-Wan sighed at himself, saddened by his own fears.
Did he really believe Anakin was capable of something truly terrible? He thought of all the times Anakin had killed in front of him, all too nonchalantly. But so had every Jedi, by now. There wasn't time to offer grief at each life taken. It was a truth Obi-Wan had never quite managed to make peace with.
As the minutes ticked by, he retreated to the gardens, trying to meditate as Master Choi suggested. Seated on the ground by the bank of a pond, he heard the trees rustling above and around him, and the water flowing gently, almost soundlessly. Obi-Wan's worry flowed through him but never fully left, bringing with it wild speculation. Had Anakin harmed civilians? Disregarded the lives of some of the casualties, or of his own men? Become inappropriately involved with someone? Killed someone he should have taken prisoner, or tortured someone for information? It wouldn't be the first time.
Despite his increasing professionalism on the battlefield, Anakin felt disturbingly distant and unpredictable at times, and Obi-Wan couldn't help but worry. He didn't like what this war was doing to the Jedi Order—and if it was even affecting him so much, Obi-Wan barely dared imagine how this endless violence and suspicion might seep into Anakin's fierce, unguarded heart.
He tried not to let these thoughts discourage him. He had done his best to train Anakin well, to give him the tools he needed to control himself. But sometimes it was difficult to believe the fault was not his own. Perhaps his own attachment to Anakin had inadvertently caused this deficiency in his training. All too often, a Padawan inherited its master's weaknesses, and Obi-Wan knew that for all his preaching, he was not a perfect model of detachment… not at all.
At long last, the time came to leave. Minutes later, his speeder was parked outside the barracks, and the rushing air still hadn't completely cleared his mind. Obi-Wan walked through the doors to find Rex waiting at attention just on the other side.
"Captain," Obi-Wan said in blunt greeting. "Have you decided where we should talk?"
"Yes, sir," Rex said briskly. "Right this way."
A few minutes later they entered one of the storage rooms where tools and spare parts for the army's many vehicles were kept.
"No one should interrupt us here, sir."
"Very good." Obi-Wan said, and faced Rex squarely. "Now… let's not waste any time, shall we?"
Rex's posture was still rigid with formality. "Yes, General. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. I… realize this is unusual."
"Indeed it is. Very unusual. I can only assume the situation is serious." Obi-Wan did not bother to keep a placid expression. "Is it Anakin?" he asked sharply. "What has he done?"
"Sir?" The captain's eyebrows furrowed.
"You must be fairly certain of whatever you saw or heard." Obi-Wan took a step closer to Rex, his voice rising slightly. "You would never speak ill of him otherwise."
"Speak ill of General Skywalker?" Rex looked taken aback at the thought. "General Kenobi, I'm—I'm sorry, sir, but you misunderstand. That is not why I've asked to speak with you."
"Isn't it? I was wondering what you might want to ask me that you couldn't just as easily ask your own General," Obi-Wan explained. "The most obvious explanation is that you needed to report something to the Jedi Council without him knowing about it."
"I have no complaints about General Skywalker's command, sir!" Rex almost sounded offended.
"Really?" Obi-Wan asked skeptically. "Then why are you so tense? So defensive? I know this must be difficult for you, considering how much personal loyalty you have to Anakin. But if he has done something seriously wrong, the Council needs to know about it."
Rex stared at him with for a long moment. "Excuse me, General. I meant no disrespect, I was… I didn't realize the Jedi Council had any doubts about General Skywalker's loyalty. It surprised me, that's all."
"Oh. Well then," Obi-Wan sighed, deflated by the realization of how indiscreet he was being. Sharing his own doubts about a fellow Jedi with a clone officer was improper at best. "We don't… doubt his loyalty, exactly. I doubt his judgment and self-discipline, at times, but…."
He cleared his throat, embarrassed at his rash behavior.
"Moving on then, to the real reason you asked me here."
"Thank you, sir." Rex hesitated. "If I seem uneasy, General, it's only because… some questions have been weighing pretty heavily on my mind since Ringo Vinda. I have mentioned my concerns to General Skywalker, but I'd rather not bother him again until I have more information."
"And what exactly have you been bothering him with?" Obi-Wan gave a weak smile, hoping Rex would relax and get to the point. "You have my permission to speak freely, of course."
A tight breath escaped Rex as he nodded. Obi-Wan noted the captain's fists clenching at his sides, his eyes a little restless.
"Starting from the beginning," Rex finally said. "Two of my best men, Tup and Fives, were killed because, for whatever reason, their inhibitor chips began to break down. Now, I didn't even know about these chips until Fives mentioned them. He believed that they were part of a conspiracy—that they could be used to control our actions and turn us against the Jedi."
"So I've heard," Obi-Wan said. "But there have been no more breakdowns since the army was inoculated. I'm inclined to believe that the parasite the doctors found was indeed the cause."
"Sir, I've done some research since the incident with Fives, and I realized that the army was commissioned long before the Separatists became a threat. Naturally, I've been wondering who decided the Republic needed an army this large in a time of peace."
"What are you getting at, Captain?" Obi-Wan asked. "You're saying you've been investigating the possibility of a conspiracy on your own?" Perhaps Anakin was rubbing off a little too much on his first-in-command.
"Yes, sir." Rex kept his chin up. "It's my duty to defend the Republic, and the lives of my men."
"Yes…." Obi-Wan frowned at Rex, unsettled by the almost accusatory tone he heard in the captain's voice. "And… you believe whoever commissioned the army is also responsible for what happened to your men?"
"I haven't come to any conclusions yet, General," Rex sighed. "But if there were a way for these chips to make us turn on our allies, the best time to set that up would have been at the very beginning of our creation."
"You seem to be suggesting that the enemy simply dropped a time bomb on our doorstep and hoped we'd take it inside." Obi-wan smiled wanly. "That seems like a rather foolish plan if you ask me."
Actually, Obi-Wan felt a zing of nerves at the thought, but dismissed it. It was true, there was still so much mystery surrounding Syfo-Dias and his decision to keep the army a secret even from the Council itself. But Rex couldn't possibly know any of that.
The captain frowned at the floor. "I'm just trying to explore every possibility, sir. To be honest, I'd like nothing more than to put this matter to rest. But I can't seem to get that question out of my head." His brow was furrowed as he looked back up at Obi-Wan, his voice soft. "General… if you could tell me who was involved in commissioning the army, maybe it would help put my mind at ease."
"Unfortunately, I'm not at liberty to share such information with just anyone," Obi-Wan said lightly. "Not without the Council's approval."
"But, sir—"
"Rest assured." Obi-Wan raised a hand to cut Rex off. "The Council is not blind to the possibility of a traitor or a spy among our forces. But judging from our information, you and all the other clones should be safe from any further breakdowns."
A pained look crossed Rex's face before he nodded once. "Yes, sir. I'm relieved to hear it. I assume, then, that whoever commissioned the army was someone the Jedi trusted?"
"What you can assume is that the Jedi Council would not have missed any lead you might think you have, Captain." Obi-Wan stared at Rex, amazed at the captain's relentlessness. "It is not your responsibility to investigate this. You trust Anakin and I, don't you?"
"Yes, sir! Absolutely."
"Then I fail to see why you feel any need to question me on this." Obi-Wan folded his arms. "Or go behind Anakin's back for a second opinion in the first place."
"As I said, General," Rex said uncomfortably. "The only reason I'm asking you instead of General Skywalker is because you are a member of the Jedi Council and, as I thought, you have access to more information. It has nothing to do with whether or not I trust and respect him. I do. I've trusted him with my life and the lives of my men every time we go into battle."
"Good. Then there's nothing more to discuss, is there?"
"Sir, with all due respect, I was there when Fives—"
"Captain Rex!" Obi-Wan burst, his shock at Rex making his stern tone a bit louder than he'd intended.
Rex winced and snapped to attention. "Sir."
Obi-Wan took a moment to breathe and center himself. "Perhaps you should explain to me in more detail why you're so fixated on this."
"I'm sorry, sir," Rex said very quietly, head bowed. "You're right… it isn't my place."
Something about the captain's contrition, the sudden reversion to an even more submissive clone than Obi-Wan had ever known Rex to be, reminded him that it was not, in fact, his own padawan he was dealing with. Guilt began to seep in as he realized Rex would never be so willful for its own sake. He was not Anakin, after all.
Obi-Wan reached out with the Force, calming as he submitted to its flow. The captain was exhausted, that much came through clearly… and afraid. There was a sense of rawness, a wound that had not quite closed, but no ill-will, none of the resentment or pride that came off Anakin in waves when he was being contrary.
"You meant no harm by it," Obi-Wan decided aloud. "I should have realized that these events have had a profound impact on you… especially considering you were closely involved in both incidents." He stroked his beard slowly. "Naturally, it must be hard to reconcile the men you knew with what they became in their last moments."
Rex said nothing, but Obi-Wan saw him take a slow breath.
"The most terrifying enemy of all is the darkness in our own minds," Obi-Wan went on, softening his voice a bit more. "They fell to it through no fault of their own. You can at least take comfort in that." He frowned sympathetically. "It's not strange that you should dwell on this, but remember… fear will destroy your mind in much the same way if you allow it to take too much of a hold. I've never thought of you as the type to become paralyzed by uncertainty."
"No, sir," Rex agreed in an undertone. "I prefer to take action whenever I can."
"Sometimes, when something like this occurs, the greatest action we can take is simply to not act," Obi-Wan murmured, putting a hand on Rex's shoulder. "Your duty is to the living, Captain. Trying to change the past will only make it harder to heal."
"Yes, General," Rex breathed, meeting his eyes steadily despite the weariness in his voice. "I understand."
"Get some rest, if you can," Obi-Wan said. "Until this war is over, the integrity of the army is one of the Jedi Council's greatest concerns. If anything threatens that again, you can be sure we will take it seriously."
"I appreciate the reassurance, sir," Rex saluted briefly. "Thank you for coming to see me."
Obi-Wan gave a half-salute in return. "You're a fine soldier, Captain. Take care, and keep an eye on Anakin for me."
"I've got his back, sir," Rex gave a half-smile, and with a short nod, Obi-Wan turned to go, resolving to try and follow his own advice.
It seemed even the clones feared being turned from their true purpose, twisted by this war into something they had never intended to be. Maybe when this violence was over, all its participants—clones, Jedi, politicians, and all—would finally have time to recover the clarity that was slipping from their fingers day by day.
…
Standing at the guard rail on the platform outside Seventy-Nines was like standing on the edge of a cliff face. Beyond was one of the industrial sectors, where the roofs leveled out far, far below Rex's vantage point. In the dim collective light of the city, it almost resembled a rocky wasteland or a vast lake reflecting the upper levels of the metropolis. Behind him, a few drunk officers laughed obnoxiously over nothing, but on the whole, it was quieter out here, and certainly much less crowded.
He wanted to celebrate with Cody, but after five minutes of standing in the overstuffed bar, Rex knew he wasn't going to enjoy this no matter how hard he tried. He would just bring down the mood if he stayed, so here he was, leaning on the rail and wondering where to look next.
There had been a second trip to the library, and just as he suspected, it yielded little information of interest. All he'd really learned was that despite recent scientific interest in Kamino's ecosystems and ocean life, general knowledge of Kaminoan society and history was extremely limited. By all appearances, their cloning had been a small but lucrative endeavor before Jango Fett had come along, and the Grand Army of the Republic was probably the single largest order of clones the planet's facilities had ever received. Most likely, he wouldn't learn anything he didn't already know about being a clone unless a Kaminoan chose to tell him.
Rex heaved a huge sigh and rubbed hard between his eyes. So many dead ends. And all the lost sleep was catching up to him. The world felt surreal and dangerous even in perfectly safe environments like the barracks, the dark feeling from his dream clinging on to the edges of his waking hours.
Footsteps came up behind him and Rex turned, grabbing for pistols that weren't there.
"Cody." He relaxed.
"Rex." Cody smiled, smacking his arm lightly. "What are you doing out here?"
"Sorry. Guess I'm just not in the mood." Rex shrugged with an apologetic look.
"You missed a great story from Bly," Cody laughed under his breath. "I'll tell it to you some other time though. You sure you're alright? You don't look so good." He leaned on the rail next to Rex.
"I think I'm just tired," Rex said. "Still not sleeping very well."
"Bad dreams?"
"Yeah." Rex glanced at Cody, but Cody's face was peaceful, his eyes briefly closed against an updraft. "Really bad."
Cody studied the patterns of lights below, waiting for a surge of raucous voices behind them to subside. "How was your talk with General Kenobi?"
"Eh," Rex breathed, not sure what to say. "It wasn't exactly what I expected. But it looks like there was nothing to worry about after all."
"Of course there was nothing to worry about." Cody grinned. "Come on, Rex. I told you, we're winning this!"
"The tide of a battle can turn in less than a second," Rex said, half to himself. "But you're right… maybe I'm just being paranoid."
"Everything alright with General Skywalker, then?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well? I dunno," Cody waved a hand in a jokingly exasperated gesture. "Can you blame me for trying to guess what's going on with you? You've been acting kind of odd. I thought maybe it had something to do with Fives and…."
"Tup," Rex finished for him.
"Yeah." Cody tilted his head. "Wanna talk about it?"
Rex stared back. Gratitude clashed with the creeping chill in his chest and he tried to think of a truth he could tell without having to explain everything.
"If you don't, I understand." Cody turned so his back was against the rail. "Or if sensitive information is involved. Your choice."
"I know." Rex looked away. "You're right. Something about the situation with Tup and Fives hit me pretty hard. I haven't been at my best since then. I've been distracted. And now people are starting to notice."
"Ahh. Gotcha." Cody smirked. "General Skywalker's not the best Jedi to go to for advice about staying level-headed. General Kenobi, on the other hand…."
"You'd better stop criticizing my general, Commander." Rex punched Cody's arm lightly.
Cody laughed. "It's true, isn't it? You went to General Kenobi for answers. You must have thought he'd have better ones that General Skywalker." Cody raised an eyebrow. "Did he?"
"Yeah. I guess he did," Rex said softly.
"Let me guess." Cody folded his arms and squinted up at the invisible stars. "He told you that it's natural to be disturbed by what happened. I mean, you watched one of your own men fire on a Jedi general. A soldier you knew to be loyal! And then it nearly happened all over again with Fives, right?" Cody gave the sky a deep frown. "I know if I'd seen that happening right in front of me… it would be like my worst nightmares coming true."
"Yeah." Rex swallowed. "Exactly."
"Were you worried something was wrong with you, too?" Cody's voice softened.
Rex nodded. "For a while there, I was convinced I was infected. Then, after we all got the inoculation, I still didn't feel right." He sighed and gripped the rail tight. "So I wanted to make sure there wasn't any chance I would go the same way as Tup and Fives."
"And General Kenobi told you something that eased your mind?" Cody guessed.
"A little. He's pretty sure I'm just… still shocked about what happened," Rex shrugged. "He's probably right," he added grudgingly.
"Probably?" Cody raised an eyebrow. "The alternative is that you're not shocked at all, and in that case, I'd say something is wrong with you. We may be designed to deal with more than most soldiers can take, but that doesn't mean we're emotionless droids. Fives was one of your best men, right?"
"Yeah. And a good friend."
"So? How many times have we talked after a hard battle about all the good men we lost? We both know how to focus and keep appearances on the battlefield, but like this?" Cody pointed at the space between them. "Just between us, it's different, isn't it? We both know there have been battles that hit us too hard. I still can't believe what happened on Umbara. But your men have been pushed hard from the beginning, I mean… Teth was especially bad for the Five-Oh-First." Cody shook his head slowly. "I'm telling you Rex, I don't envy you sometimes. You've been through a lot. You don't always have to pretend it doesn't matter."
Chest tight, Rex blew out a breath and surprised himself by turning it into a laugh halfway through. "You know, what you just said… it reminds me of some things I've heard General Skywalker say before, to Commander Tano."
"Does that mean you'll listen to me because my advice is almost as wise as a Jedi's?" Cody teased, nudging him with his elbow.
"As long as you take being compared to Skywalker as a compliment," Rex shot back.
Cody laughed, the loud laugh he got when he was a little buzzed. The sound of it, and the sight of Cody's face split with a grin after offering such serious, comforting words, hit Rex right in the gut so that he started laughing too. And for a few seconds, the platform of Seventy-Nines transformed into a place where their nightmares were impossible.
"But Rex," Cody coughed, still a little breathless from laughing. "I mean it. It'll all turn out fine, you'll see. I know we're supposed to be the perfect soldiers, but sometimes I think you take that a little too literally."
"Well," Rex said wryly. "I am still waiting on that promotion."
Cody laughed again, and Rex grinned, relieved that, just for these moments, he could forget about everything that had been weighing on him. Maybe what he'd told Fox earlier had more truth to it than he'd intended. What could he do that the Jedi Council could not? He had no leads after investigating Palpatine's life. And the dreams might simply be a shared phenomenon due to the fact that, as clones, they all started out with the same brain, the same nervous system… theoretically, the same basic way of making sense of all the violence they took part in every day.
"What?" Cody interrupted his thoughts. "What are you worrying about now?"
"I'm not worrying," Rex sighed. "It's just… hard to believe Fives could act like he did just because of some parasite."
Cody was silent for a moment before answering. "That must have been pretty terrible to watch."
"He wasn't himself," Rex said, and he found he halfway believed it.
His mind began to replay the scene in the warehouse, Fives shaking and gasping in his arms, but he forced himself to focus on Cody's concerned face instead, and the horror faded enough that he could speak again.
"Hey," Rex said. "Thanks for coming out here. I'll be alright—you shouldn't miss out on the fun just because of this."
"Nah… it's probably a good thing I left when I did. Some of the boys are getting pretty wasted." Cody grinned self-consciously. "Why give you one more story to embarrass me with?"
"And why would I ever want to embarrass you?"
"I dunno, but if you ever did…." Cody chuckled.
"I can think of a lot worse than when you were drunk," Rex smirked. "Let's see… how about our first year training together…."
"Oh no," Cody protested. "No, no, no, that's different. See, I wasn't a commander back then. I didn't have a reputation to uphold."
"You're going to get a reputation as the commander who skipped out on his own victory party if you don't get back in there." Rex shoved Cody back toward the door. "I think I'm gonna turn in for the night. See you in the morning?"
"Bright and early," Cody joked. "Honestly, I'll probably be back before you fall asleep."
"Right," Rex said skeptically. As Cody said goodbye and walked away smiling, Rex took a deep breath of cool night air and thought that maybe tonight he would finally sleep peacefully.