Chapter 3

I wake abruptly and look around the darkened room, I hear coughing and snoring all around me and I know most of the group are now sleeping too. My senses are heightened, something doesn't feel right…. I am still sleepy, and it takes me a while before I realise that there is a hand clasped to my thigh…a hand that isn't mine.

Jumping up quickly into a sitting position, I look into the smug face of Merle. He has been sitting near me in the corner and is smiling at me. The smile makes me feel sick and I kick my leg, trying to shake off his hand which feels like it is burning into my skin.

'Hello Girl, I thought I could keep you company over here.'

His eyes are trailing up and down my body and I feel the bile rise rapidly up from my stomach to my throat. The way he is looking at me makes my skin crawl and I push my back as far into the wall behind me as possible.

'Stay away from me.'

I know the words come out weak and feeble, but I am trying to figure out how to play this situation. I feel cornered, I feel captured…his hand remains on my thigh and it weighs on me heavily as though it were made of lead. Merle moves himself closer to me and I feel my breath catch, I need help, but I don't want to cause disruption or upset by causing a scene. Closer he gets until his face is inches from mine, his hand has moved higher and I feel paralysed with fear. Inside I am hating myself for not being a fighter; as always, I am weak and unable to defend myself. I think about my sister and how strong she is in character…she has always looked after me…and I wonder at what she would do in this situation.

My hand comes down and clasps over his and I begin to claw desperately to get it off me, but his grip tightens painfully. His eyes are boring into me, his lips open slightly as he licks at his cracked, dry lips. I feel my stomach reacting to the stench of his breath and my mind swims in panic.

'That boy did good bringing you here…A nice piece of ass like you is a welcomed addition.'

I turn my head as his lips close in closer to mine, but he grasps me roughly around the chin, forcing my face back towards him. And then his lips are on me, slimy and rough. I smell him and taste him as he forces his tongue down my throat, making me gag. His hand goes from my thigh and travels up towards my button on my jeans. I struggle against him and use my strength to try and push him off me, but he is stronger than me. Fear is setting in and I realise I am in danger of being raped if I don't act now. His hand travels higher still and he twists painfully at my breasts, causing me to cry out.

'You like that baby?'

The break from his tongue invading my mouth helps me to manoeuvre myself slightly away from him and I use my hands to claw at his face instead. His mouth is still on mine and so I bite his lips hard, tasting blood as I cut deep into the skin. Merle cries out in anger and twists my hair in his fist with one hand before punching me hard in the side of the head with the other.

'You fucking little bitch!'

I want to respond and fight back by my head is swimming from being punched and I close my eyes against the pain. I hear other voices coming towards us, familiar and I breath in relief before slinking into the welcoming blackness.

'…is she going to be okay?'

'Of course, she is Glenn, don't worry, you will get your little girlfriend back soon.'

'Merle is a fucking piece of shit.'

'This girl needs to learn to fight if she is ever going to survive this life, Glenn.'

'I will help her. We all had to learn, right? I will teach her what I can.'

'What will you teach her, Glenn? You're just as useless!'

'Andrea, has anyone ever told you that you are a bit of a fucking bitch?'

'T-Dog, has anyone ever told you that you need to mind your own fucking business? What even is this girls name, Glenn?'

'Its Jenni.'

I hear their voices, loud and clear but I can't focus my eyes enough to see them properly. My head is pounding, and I feel nauseous. I try to speak but I feel like I am talking underwater. I open my eyes briefly and look into the worried face of Glenn, the one friend that I seem to have at the moment.

'I am okay…I think…I need to sit up.'

The words come out strained but at least they are clear. I feel hands around my waist helping to lift me up into a sitting position and I shift my focus to the area around me. Where is he?

'If you are looking for Merle, then don't worry, he is up on the roof,' Andrea states, no note of sympathy in her voice. There is an edge to her words; something tells me that this lady doesn't like me very much.

I look at her and breath deeply, trying to process what just happened to me…or nearly happened.

Andrea is still talking, but she is judging me with her eyes, I can see the contempt there and it is making me feel uncomfortable.

'Look, you need to get over it and move on…don't dwell. He tried it on, it didn't work…. let it go.'

The way she says these words is as if he made a slight pass at me, like he just tried his luck briefly. If I hadn't had acted the way I had, then he would have raped me. I want to say this and more but as always, I keep it inside and I nod in agreement. I wish I were a stronger person, I wish I was someone who could argue how I felt, but I will always be the small, frightened girl who needs her big sister to look after her. If only my sister were here now, she would lay this Andrea on her arse!

'I just want him to stay away from me,' I say, my eyes meet hers.

Andrea raises her eyebrow as though she is fed up of the conversation already and she nods before getting up and moving away. Glenn looks down at me sympathetically and hands me a packet of food.

'You alright?' he asks, shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

'I'm not sure any of us are really alright, are we?'

Glenn holds out his hand to me and I grab it with my own. He pulls me up almost effortlessly and I rest against him as he walks me towards a couple of hard backed chairs near the windows. We sit down, my head pounding as sunlight starts seeping in from outside, cutting across my vision and acting like blades against my brain. I feel Glenn's hand rest lightly on my shoulder and I look sideways at him.

'Look, I need to go out on a supply run with T-Dog. We are running out of water, which I should have brought back yesterday before I met you. I don't want to leave you on your own here with Merle hanging around, but there isn't anyone else who can go.'

I smile at the worry that is etched across his face, its been a while since anyone showed any type of concern for my wellbeing. It was nice to feel like someone cared. The briefest of memories pop into my head of my life with my family, but I push it back down. My head feels bruised and achy and all I want to do is sleep, but I am scared of letting my guard down to rest whilst that awful man is around.

'Take me with you, I can help.'

Glenn stares back at me, weighing up what I have just said, possibly wondering at how much of a burden I could be if he did take me with them.

'I'm not sure you would be able to keep up with us with how you look at the moment. You really should rest.'

I know Glenn is right, I really feel weak, but I can't stay around here on my own without him. He is the only one I trust, so I decide to lie to him about how bad I feel.

'My head isn't as bad as it was when I first woke up. I am in shock a little at what nearly happened, but I am fine. I feel fine. Like Andrea said, I need to move forward. Really, I would much rather be out there with the walkers, than in here with that man.'

Glenn breathes out deeply and he searches my face, before fiddling with his cap, pulling it lower onto his head. He looks out of the window, watching as the sun rises. I know he is wrestling with the dilemma in his head. Leave me here or take me with him. Both options have risk.

Looking back at me, he smiles before nodding his head.

'Ok, sure…but please, let me and T-Dog know if you need to rest.'

I smile brightly at him, not entirely sure I want to be out there either. At the moment, nowhere feels safe.

'Great,' I reply, 'When do we leave?'