Signs rose and fell in the darkness at regular intervals, silently reminding Danny that he was moving. He saw his hands gripping the steering wheel but he couldn't seem to feel them. He felt trapped in his own mind as he watched his body go through the motions of driving out of town. It hardly mattered though. His thoughts weren't on driving.
His stomach twisted painfully as he thought of his dad. He never would have believed it if he hadn't seen for himself and even still it didn't feel real. What it did feel like was a terrible dream he kept expecting himself to wake up from at any second but wasn't able to. The 'dream' marched on gaining in cruel intensity as it did. The worst part was that his dad's apparent insanity wasn't the worst part at all. That honor went to the fact that Nicholas could never again return to Sandford.
Danny gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white and his eyes stung as his vision blurred with tears. Nicholas was the best thing ever to happen to him. He loved him and going back to a life without him would surly drive him mad but he was his partner too. It was his responsibility to make sure Nicholas was safe and the only way he could do that was to send him back to London. His heart wailed against it, forcing his mind to race, desperately searching for another answer; Another way to keep Nicholas alive and safe but he kept coming back to the same heartbreaking answer. There was no way Nicholas could stay with him.
The thought of Nicholas leaving forever was so crushing it was making it hard for him to breathe but there were far worse things. A vision of a broken and bleeding Nicholas staring up at him with wide accusing dead eyes came to mind. No. That outcome was simply unacceptable. Better to give up his beloved action hero and make himself content with the knowledge that Nicholas was safe than to watch him die.
The 'Now Leaving Sandford' sign rose up in the distance and faded back into the cloak of night as Danny passed. He pulled over. This was it. Time to say goodbye.
Nicholas looked like Danny had stabbed him for real, gaping openly as Danny held out his keys. He staggered backwards about a half step and looked from the keys to Danny's face and back again. Danny refused to falter despite the pain in his heart. This is for Nicholas; For his own good he repeated over and over in his mind. Slowly, Nicholas took the keys with shaking hands and, with great reluctance, walked towards the car. Only once he paused as if to look back at Danny, but he eventually climbed into the car and drove into the darkness.
Lacking a car, Danny walked home, completely oblivious to the distance and the cold. It required all his concentration to put one foot in front of the other and with each step he had to remind himself that this was for the best. It was the only way to keep himself breathing and moving forward. Sending Nicholas away was the only option he had. Honestly, he ought to feel proud of himself. He had saved his partner from certain death. He was a hero; So why didn't he feel like one? Maybe it was because some part of him had been hoping Nicholas would stay... which was stupid. It was his own fault Nicholas was gone. He had refused to help him, would not let him stay, refused to be a good policeman(officer) and do what justice demanded be done.
His last moments with Nicholas kept repeating in his head. Everything from when he'd first popped the boot to Nicholas returning to where he belonged, all of it was on a cruel perpetual mental replay. He remembered how his partner looked in the boot, laying so perfectly still and staring up at him with one unblinking eye. He was so small and frail, twisted in the heap Danny had left him in. He hadn't moved so much as an inch or tried to communicate at all, which had confirmed for Danny that he hadn't known this was all a trick. Nicholas really believed that Danny had betrayed him and tried to murder him. Not knowing what else to do, he held up the crumpled ketchup packet for Nicholas to see and muttered a weak 'Ta-da'. His partner, to his relief, had understood immediately.
Danny held his head weakly as his temples throbbed, the pain momentarily pulling him back to the present. He was still reeling a bit. He didn't want to believe what Nicholas had said even though he knew deep down that it was all true. Honestly, he was scared to believe it, horrified that his dad was a criminal master mind and that everything he had known since mum died was nothing more than a carefully crafted lie. After what he had seen tonight, he knew he shouldn't be that surprised but it was still a lot to take in.
Then there was Nicholas again in his fresh memories, pleading for his help to take down the NWA. The look of pain and abandonment on his face at Danny's refusal would haunt him for the rest of his days. Either due to disbelief or tenacity, Nicholas had tried again, promising to come back with London's 'Blue Fury' in tow to tear down the NWA's whole operation. Again, he had refused but Nicholas couldn't understand. He was refusing because he was afraid.
Danny was afraid of what his dad had become, fearful of the idea of turning against him and the NWA, but most of all, he was terrified of what could happen to Nicholas if they were to try. He just wanted Nicholas to leave, run far away to where he would be safe always. Instead of explaining his fears, Danny argued that the NWA would just make it all disappear and no one would believe him anyway. Nicholas had lunged at him then, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him slightly,
"But it won't just be me, will it?! We'll take them down together! You and me! Partners!" Nicholas said desperately, but there seemed to be so much more to what he was saying than just the words on the surface. Nicholas was begging Danny for something but what, he had no idea. He was never much good at word games or hints. Nicholas should know better than to speak in riddles to him. Somehow, and Danny didn't think he'd ever know how, he'd found the strength to do it. He rejected Nicholas and now his Angel was gone forever.
Danny had lost count of how many times the whole scene had echoed in his mind by the time he finally stumbled up his front steps. He fumbled with the gate and the door until they reluctantly allowed him in. Once inside, he looked neither left nor right and made a beeline for his bedroom.
So this was it. This was how his story with Nicholas ended. It wasn't a good movie ending nor was it the one he wanted. He had hoped they would have had a proper action ending, complete with car chases and explosions and the implied 'Happily ever after', rather than one fit for a drab drama. Danny didn't much care for those types of films. There was far too much melancholy and far too few chase scenes for his tastes.
He prepared for bed with bitterness in his every action, deep loathing for himself and the unfairness of life in general at the forefront of his mind. He knew, as he pulled the cold sheets around his shoulders, sobbing himself to sleep, that there would be no real rest for him tonight.