Chapter 22
…
In the back of the larty, Jesse hung on as they came in for a landing. Skywalker was riding with them, unusually quiet. Appo stood at his side. All of the men were helmeted and wordless.
They were just going to talk surrender. But you wouldn't know it by looking, Jesse thought.
"Alright," Skywalker said. The sides opened and light rushed in. "Let's see if we can make this quick."
"Remember," Appo said, as they disembarked. Commander Appo—Jesse was still getting used to that. "We're not here to engage the enemy. But if they do start shooting at us, we fall back to the ship immediately. This base is heavily fortified and there's likely to be a lot of clankers in there."
"I don't think we'll have to fight, Commander."
Jesse looked over the sun-drenched white rocks to see General Stass Allie leading a group of her own men from their carrier.
"The Sluissi people are infamous for being patient," she added calmly.
"Let's hope you're right," Skywalker said, shielding his eyes against the bright sun as the men fell into two lines behind him. "I assume you'll be doing most of the talking, Master Allie. We're just here to back you up if things go wrong."
Jesse adjusted the grip on his rifle, aware of his brothers as they marched behind, before, and beside him. Rabbit, Chen, Feather, Enzo, Patch, Nico, and Ice. Even though only a few had distinct designs on their armor, Jesse knew it was them. This was supposed to be a short mission—in and out. But it wouldn't be the first time a Separatist-allied world had broken promises.
"I can definitely see the wisdom in that." Master Allie was saying. "I hope you're not too disappointed. I know how much you love negotiating."
"Oh, yeah!" Skywalker sighed explosively. "I wouldn't miss this for all the exciting naval battles in the galaxy!"
It wasn't too rough going. They'd landed far enough away to be safely out of range of the base's anti-aircraft turrets, and although the ground was extremely uneven and rocky, the stones were set pretty firmly in the ground. While the two Jedi scouted slightly ahead, Appo led the squad at a quick jog up and down the rocky ripples of the land. They managed to keep in ranks, although the lines stretched and wobbled a bit.
"Ha!" Rabbit cried as he launched himself off the edge of a boulder. "Ilike this place. Bright, sunny, lots of room to run around, lots of cover. What about these Sluissi? What are they like?"
"Think General Rancisis, but less human-looking and without all the hair," said Enzo.
"Sounds nice," Feather said sarcastically.
"They are nice, as far as seppies go," said Patch. "Which means they don't do any of the fighting, but they build a lot of ships. Guess they don't like to get their hands dirty."
"So they have hands then?" Rabbit asked.
"Oh, yeah," said Enzo. "At least… I think so. I'm pretty sure."
"Great engineers," Chen put in. "That's what I heard."
"Of course they have hands," Patch scoffed.
"Hey!" Appo called back. "Less chit chat back there. Stay alert."
"Yes sir!"
They all fell silent and after a few paces, Jesse fell into close step behind Ice, nearly treading on his heels.
"Hey. Ice," he hissed. "Any ideas yet?"
"Yeah?" Ice said in his usual blunt voice. "I got a few. Why?"
"Just wanted to ask while I was thinking about it," Jesse said lightly, falling back a pace and scanning the area. "Maybe when this is over we can dig out the paint."
"Who's we?"
"I dunno. Whoever wants to?"
Ice fell silent and Jesse rolled his eyes. If Hardcase were here, the design would have been finished and plastered on everything by now. Maybe. Jesse sighed quietly inside his helmet. But then, if Hardcase were here, things might be completely different.
They finally reached the road and slowed to a brisk walk; the ranks tightened up and Jesse heard Rabbit give a disappointed "ahh" after his last leap onto even ground. The massive doors in front of them groaned and slid open from the middle, revealing an inner courtyard that was full of light shining off metal.
"Inactive battle droids," Appo confirmed through his rangefinder. "Generals, should we proceed?"
"I don't like it either," Skywalker said. "You're sure they're inactive?"
"They're retracted, sir. No movement."
"It is a military base we're walking into," General Allie said. "We agreed to this. But it does look like a trap."
"We could comm up to the ship, have them send a message for their representative to meet us at the doors," Appo suggested.
"Good thinking, Capta—" Skywalker jerked to a halt. "Commander."
Jesse glanced at Rabbit. Although he couldn't see his expression, the tilt of Rabbit's head said enough.
"Dash Dot, come in. I need you to reroute this message to Candobar Inglet."
"Ready when you are, sir," Jesse thought he heard, muffled as it was through Skywalker's holotransmitter.
"Why don't you do the honors?" Skywalker held out the transmitter to General Allie, who took it without hesitation.
"Esteemed khedive," she said easily. "My name is Stass Allie. I come with General Skywalker. As representatives of the Republic, we agreed to meet with you to discuss the terms of our withdrawal from your system, under the condition that no aggression take place on the planet's surface. We are prepared to honor that agreement, but it's unreasonable for us to lead our few men into the midst of an army of battle droids without some greater assurance of their safety. We respectfully ask that a citizen of Sluis Van be sent to escort us to our meeting with you."
In the silence that followed, Skywalker made a frustrated noise, crossing and uncrossing his arms as he squinted up at the sky; the battleships encircling the planet were only dimly visible. Appo continued to watch the base.
At last the holotransmitter sparked to life again and showed a serpentine figure slithering forward with a curved, flattened head that arced backward into a sort of hood. The figure was only clothed with a heavy ceremonial necklace and a large belt that strapped over his shoulder and around his waist, covered in pockets and pouches. His expression was dour at first glance, but Jesse thought that might be just because of the face's down-slanting lines.
"I will meet you at the door, Jedi, not to worry." The voice was deep and pleasant. "And we will discuss this peacefully… and patiently."
Inglet bowed his head slightly before the hologram cut out.
"Well," Skywalker sighed. "Let's get this over with. I just hope it doesn't take a hundred years!"
Allie made an amused noise before motioning her men to follow her.
"Is it just me," Jesse murmured, tilting his head toward Rabbit, "or is the General never in a good mood anymore?"
Rabbit shrugged. "Ah, you know him, he never likes waiting around."
"Right…."
"He'll cheer up once he's back in the action."
Up ahead, two Sluissi were coming toward them at an alarming speed, hands raised. It was Inglet and another who was lighter, more grey-green.
"We will talk upon the threshold," called Inglet. "Have your men fall back to an equal distance as the droids."
Appo looked to Skywalker, who nodded. The commander signed to the rest of them to fall back. They obeyed, coming just to the edge of the wall's shadow. A few paces off, Allie's men flanked them, the commanders standing midway between the squads and their generals.
"See?" said Patch, spreading his fingers in the air and tilting his head toward the Sluissi. "Hands."
"Shut up," drawled Rabbit, a grin in his voice. "You never know. Lots of sentients might not have hands. If you were more experienced, you'd know that."
"There are some pretty strange beings out there," Jesse agreed, keeping his eyes on the base.
"At least I knew something about the Sluissi," Patch pointed out. "Unlike you."
"Well, fine," Rabbit said. "Is that gonna help you kill clankers? I don't think so."
"It might!"
"Keep your helmet on, kid." Rabbit chuckled. "You can argue with me when you've been on the team more than a few weeks. Or if you ever get promoted."
"I'm going to be a lieutenant," Patch insisted.
"Yeah, just try and make sergeant first."
"I don't have to make sergeant first if I prove I'm good enough."
"Oh yeah? You think you can just skip ranks?"
"Commander Appo did it." Patch muttered. "He was just a sergeant."
"That's not the way it works, Patch," Jesse broke in harshly. "That was an unusual situation because of what happened to Captain Rex. Do you really want us to lose one of our experienced lieutenants just so you can boss Rabbit around?"
"Wh—no! I didn't mean it like that—"
"Is there a problem, troopers?" Appo called back to them.
"No problem, sir!"
"No, sir!"
"Really?" Appo asked blandly. "Because I see something up there that could be a big problem."
Jesse pulled up his binoculars and immediately spotted the shining irregularities on the top of the wall. "Sniper droids."
"Easy. They've been there the whole time. The Jedi know they're there and General Allie already brought it up. Just stay alert."
"Blasted Separatist snakes," Nico snarled.
"Focus," Chen snapped, sighting down his own rifle at one of the snipers. "We can take them out if they try anything."
"Yeah, right," muttered Feather. "From this range?"
Jesse clipped the binoculars back onto his belt and balanced his rifle again. "We can at least draw their fire away from the Jedi."
"Hold," Appo commanded.
The voices of the Sluissi and the Jedi were audible from this distance, but only just. Jesse strained to try and pick up words. Skywalker's rose suddenly.
"…will starve! Is that what you want? All we're asking—"
"Skywalker…" Allie's voice dropped after the initial loud interruption, and Jesse couldn't make out any more. When he glanced over, Allie was gesturing beseechingly, Skywalker standing with his hands in fists.
The sniper droids didn't move. They and their guns were like statues on the wall, and Jesse tried not to let his mind wander. He glanced up at the sky but it was impossible to make out which of the little specks was the destroyer that housed the rest of the battalion, including Kix. The generals would know if something went wrong up there. In the meantime it was quiet, the fates of millions being decided in whispers just out of reach, in the shadow of the wall that tried… to hold back the light of a foreign star….
Jesse exhaled, almost laughing at himself. Now wasn't the time for pretty words, and Jesse wasn't sure they fit with what he was trying to write now anyway. None of his words looked right to him once he got them down on flimsi lately; they just stayed in his head—not even words, just vague ideas. Hardcase couldn't read them anymore… Kix would, but at that thought they seemed even more inadequate. What good were words if they didn't help save anyone? He never really knew the right thing to say. Words command the struggle, sign for it to cease, but words can't win the battle, or we'd already have peace.
He rolled the trite rhyme over in his mind for a few minutes, just to keep it occupied. Still no movement on the wall. Enzo shifted restlessly, boots making a soft gritty sound, and Skywalker's voice drifted back, agitated but still incomprehensible. So much for letting General Allie do the talking.
"Why can't we just shoot them?" Nico sighed, when nearly ten minutes had passed.
"Because that would upset the Sluissi, and we would rather not have them as our enemies," Appo said tersely. "That's why we are here."
"I was only joking, Commander."
"Hm." Appo glanced over his shoulder at Nico before turning his attention back to the generals. "There's a time and a place, trooper. Battle droids don't have a sense of humor."
At last there was a short silence from the Generals, and then Allie raised her voice, clear but calm as she stepped back from the Sluissi.
"I'm sorry we cannot come to a more mutual agreement."
"We will allow you to depart the planet's surface unharmed," Inglet said. "But we will hold out as long as it takes, and if you do not leave within two rotations, we will be forced to break your siege. I hope you will advise the Republic that their firepower would be put to better use elsewhere."
"I will do my best, honored," said Master Allie, and she and Skywalker turned their backs on the Sluissi. Appo raised his gun and the others followed, warning the Sluissi not to try anything, but the Jedi walked back toward them unharmed.
"You said these people were patient," Skywalker growled. "I think the word you're really looking for is stubborn! What kind of a corrupt leader chooses to let his people starve to death instead of surrendering? We even offered to take the civilians into protective custody!"
"They don't trust our offer, naturally," Allie sighed. "They believe the Republic is massively corrupt and that even the Jedi are no longer honestly interested in maintaining freedom."
"What, so we just walk away now?" Skywalker looked disgusted. "Why don't we try to make contact with other leaders here—the entire planet can't be completely loyal to the Confederacy! There are always dissenters. Then we can prove we are interested in freedom."
"Skywalker… our job was to speak to the khedive. Anything more will have to be discussed with the Jedi Council or the military high command. We don't have the authority to be stirring up rebellions here, and even if we did, do you think that will honestly prevent a greater loss of life than simply waiting?"
"I thought you were the expert! You tell me." Skywalker folded his arms. "Are the Sluissi patient enough to starve themselves to death before surrendering?"
"Let's not try too hard to predict the future, alright?" Allie suggested as they passed the troops; Jesse and the others quickly fell in behind them, keeping a formation that allowed the squad to watch for enemies on all sides. "If the people disagree with Inglet, they will find a way to show it soon enough. Then we can decide whether or not to intervene."
"I hope the Tenacity doesn't have to stick around that long," Skywalker grumbled.
Allie laughed lightly. "I agree… your strengths are needed much more in other battles. In a battle of patience with the Sluissi, you would lose right away."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"Look at it this way, Skywalker… I know you would be happier focusing your energies on something else. You can let me deal with this. The only problem is… we could always use your excellent piloting skills to hold the siege in place."
"Yeah… two minutes of action and two weeks of nothing. Thanks, but… I think I'll pass." Skywalker smirked, and it was the closest thing to a smile Jesse had seen on him in days. "I'm sure there's somewhere else my other talents will be appreciated."
…
Once the gunship settled down inside the Tenacity, Skywalker hurried off with a quick glance at Appo but not a word to the men. Instead, Appo turned to face them as soon as they were all out.
"Alright, I want you all to check in with your lieutenants and get back to me about anything that's changed in the past two hours. And next time we're on a diplomatic mission, let's try to be a bit more professional. We have a reputation to repair."
As Appo walked off, Rabbit pulled off his helmet and made a face at Jesse behind it. Jesse shook his head, stifling a laugh.
"Maybe the Commander still needs more time to adapt to his new rank." Jesse pulled his own helmet off.
"What do you mean?" Patch asked.
Jesse shrugged, trying to shake off his unease. "I just don't think our reputation needs repairing."
"Tell that to Admiral Tarkin," Rabbit laughed. "I dare you. I'd love to see the look on his face." Rabbit dropped his jaw and pinched his mouth to make his face longer.
"Knock it off!" Feather groaned, bashing his shoulder hard into Rabbit's. "Look, anyone with eyes can see that Tarkin's got General Skywalker under review after whatever happened to the captain. So why don't we follow the commander's orders and prove we are the best, instead of making fools of ourselves. We can't be over confident."
"We're the best because we learn and adapt quickly," Jesse argued. "But this isn't a matter of skill. Appo's talking about formal behavior. I get the feeling he doesn't want any of us to stick out too much."
"Yeah, Rabbit," Chen said, smirking.
"What?" Rabbit gave a guilty grin.
Patch frowned thoughtfully. "How was Captain Rex any different from Commander Appo?"
Jesse took a deep breath and sighed, as everyone fell silent. Patch blinked around at them all.
"He was…." Jesse began, and again couldn't find the right words. "The kind of man you would be happy to die for."
"But Admiral Tarkin said—"
"We all know what Admiral Tarkin said," Rabbit interrupted, his voice suddenly intent. "But trust me, kid. If you had known Captain Rex… you would understand why he inspired loyalty."
"Loyalty?" Patch raised an eyebrow. "He was just one of us. He wasn't a Jedi or… a senator."
"What are they teaching cadets on Kamino these days?" Nico sighed dramatically.
"It's a different kind of loyalty." Jesse shook his head at the kid's naïve skepticism. "Anyway, Appo's a fine commander, but it takes time to build that kind of trust with the men. Right now, we obey him because of his rank. Maybe someday, we'll follow him because of who he is."
Patch didn't say any more. Jesse turned hurriedly to follow Ice, who was about to enter the hallway off the hangar.
"Hey!" Jesse called. "Heading to repairs?"
"I guess I am now." Ice grimaced. "What, did you want to have a vote?"
"Maybe. Why not? I'll round up the others."
"How about we don't make a big deal of this."
"It'll be fine, Ice. It's not that many guys anyway."
Ice just sighed and split off from Jesse at the lift. Jesse turned back to find Rabbit following him with a knowing grin.
"So… are we doin' it?" Rabbit cracked the knuckles in his right fist.
"Yep. Why don't you tell uhh…." Jesse hesitated, ticking them off on his fingers. "Just tell AT, Coe, Index…."
"Knees?"
"Knees," Jesse confirmed. "I'll get Singer, Brick, and Kix."
"Got it."
"Ice doesn't want to make a big deal out of this, so… keep it quiet, alright?"
"Top secret armor-painting party." Rabbit chuckled with a lazy salute. "See you in ten."
"Maybe make it fifteen or twenty," Jesse said. "Give people some time to finish up whatever they're doing."
Kix was in the medical bay as usual. Jesse opened his mouth and stopped in the doorway. Kix met his eyes over the bent back of the trooper on his examination table. The trooper had his head in his hands and was hyperventilating.
"Easy." Kix held a mask up and the trooper took it, pressed it over his face to muffle his breathing and trap the expelled air. Jesse's skin prickled all over. "Relax, Fuse. You're gonna be fine. Slow it down… that's it."
Jesse waited awkwardly, not wanting to leave and draw attention, trying not to stare. Fuse's breath stuck in the back of his throat unevenly, like gagging hiccups.
"It's alright." Kix's voice was calm. He kept a hand resting between Fuse's shoulder blades. But Jesse felt trapped between a strong, irrational repulsion… and an irresistible desire to watch and listen. He held back from going to the trooper's side. Kix had it under control.
Fuse's breaths slowed, and he swept his free hand over his wet eyes with fingers and thumb to press the bridge of his nose.
"Alright? You're alright now?" Kix patted and gripped his shoulder. Fuse nodded uncertainly, still just looking at the surface of the table.
Fuse took a long, immensely shaky breath.
"Listen," Kix said fiercely. "You're not the only one. Got it? You're gonna make it."
"Yes, sir," Fuse croaked unsteadily, muffled by the mask.
"You comm me if you need to. I'll find someone to watch your back."
"Yes, sir." Fuse sniffed, glanced at Jesse and then away, face pinched in a hateful look.
"Alright… just wait there until you're ready to leave. I'm gonna go talk to Jesse."
Kix finally looked up again and his face fell into a sad smile as he approached. Jesse felt a hot sting of dread.
"You look tired," he said quietly as they stepped out into the hall.
Kix shrugged. "Fuse lost a lot of good brothers above Siskeen." He said it like the bland report it was. "And a lot more before that. I take it Sluis Van isn't ours yet."
"Not yet. But nobody fired a shot down there." Jesse paused a moment. "Ice says he's got some designs ready. I'm gonna see if the others want to meet over in repairs so we can decide and get it done."
"Oh." Kix blinked and seemed to shake himself. "Right… let's go."
As they walked, Jesse worried. Kix was subdued, and he didn't know what to say to cheer him up.
"Have you read any more of those letters?" he asked instead.
"A few."
"Do they help?"
Kix looked up at Jesse. "Ah—well… I… maybe. I've only read a few. It's hard to make the time." He looked away. "Sometimes it just makes it worse, anyway. I mean… Rex was there… he saw Fives go crazy. All that… all that intelligence and skill just… gone. And now Rex too... I don't like thinking about it." Kix sounded slightly strained toward the end, and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Rex and Fives deserve to be remembered as they were," Jesse said firmly. "Kind of wish I'd asked Ice to make something that honors them both… but eh… maybe I'll just add a little something to mine." He looked down at his own helmet, trying to decide where a small 5 might fit.
"Yeah," Kix sighed.
As Jesse stared at a blank spot next to his visor, he realized that someday he might be adding a mark to his armor in memory of Kix.
"Hey… hey Kix," he whispered. "Look, there's no way this is gonna beat you. We're a team, right?"
"Right," Kix said hesitantly.
"No one gets… left behind." Jesse felt the untruth of those words the second they'd left his mouth. He had to leave Hardcase behind. Just one of many. "Except to save everyone else. And we need you, no matter what. You've saved more lives than I can count."
"Can't save everyone, though," Kix murmured. "I understand broken bones and blood loss but… this, I don't know…." He shook his head. "And I should know. But I'm not supposed to try to save defective clones… I'm not supposed to live through this, but I still have to try."
"Not supposed to," Jesse growled. "Says the Kaminoans. Who cares what they think?"
"Our bodies," Kix said wryly. "Which means our brains."
"Not this brain," Jesse pointed at himself. "We have to prove them wrong. We're going to prove them wrong. Rex didn't deserve to die and neither did Tup or Fives. Neither do you."
"Yeah," Kix sighed. "But it's not a matter of what we deserve, is it? No loyal soldier deserves death, but it happens all the time. I'm not trying to prove anything to the Kaminoans. I'm just trying to keep people alive as long as possible. For whatever that's worth…."
"It's worth everything, Kix." Jesse put a hand on his shoulder. He switched on his comm. "Lieutenant Singer, this is Jesse."
"Singer here."
"Are you busy? Can you meet me down in repairs?"
"Ah…." Singer sounded reluctant. "Yes, I'll meet you there and pass on the standardization order to the others."
"What standardization order?"
"All troops must have identical paint jobs in battalion colors, excepting commanders," Singer recited. "Appo passed the order to the captains and lieutenants just before you went down to the surface."
Jesse and Kix exchanged startled looks.
"We'll talk when everyone's assembled," Singer said. "See you soon."
"Why didn't Appo mention this on the way back?" Jesse said to Kix
"Maybe he's testing to see how quickly word gets around using the chain of command."
When they reached repairs, it was so full of troops that it took Jesse a few minutes to spot the men he was looking for. Singer was sitting in a group with Rabbit, Brick, Ice and Afterthought. He stood up to greet them. Down on the ground, Brick was sanding the paint off his helmet.
Rabbit also jumped to his feet. "This is ridiculous," he complained. "More worrying about how we look instead of how we fight? We're not some parade troop."
"It does seem strange," Jesse agreed. "Is this it? Is anyone else coming?"
"Index, Knees, and Coe are on their way." Singer said. "But I don't see what good it will do us to decide on a design now that this order has gone through."
"One of us can talk to the commander," Jesse insisted. "We can make the design something small, barely even noticeable. They'll allow that much. I'm sure the rule isn't that strict."
"I think it is," Singer replied. "Appo said any trooper who doesn't have his armor standardized by the next battle on the ground will be given a demerit on their record. There will be an inspection."
"What?"
Brick shook his head, frowning.
Ice sighed. "Just watch as I'm the one who gets in trouble for coming up with the design, even though it wasn't my idea to break the rules."
"This wasn't a rule when I asked you." Jesse gave Ice an impatient look.
"Yeah, but I told you that I don't do pictures for other people unless an officer asks me to."
Afterthought leaned over to see between them. "Coe! Over here!"
Jesse turned to see the last three approaching. Coe walked just behind Index and Knees, and waved at Afterthought to let him know he'd heard.
"Well, are we all here?" Index asked calmly when they had joined the group. "I assume you've heard about the standardization order."
Nods and murmurs ran around the group. "We have now," said Ice. "So why are we still talking about this?"
"Because," Jesse said. "There has to be a way to get around it."
"What do you propose?" Singer asked.
"I'll talk to the general," Kix offered. "I think he'll understand what we're trying to do."
"That might work," Brick agreed.
"I'm not so sure," Index broke in, and Rabbit was also shaking his head.
But Singer nodded. "I know I would feel better if General Skywalker knew."
"General Skywalker probably doesn't even like the idea of the new paint jobs," said Jesse hopefully. "Do you really think he wants us all to be indistinguishable on the battlefield?"
"He hasn't been so easy to talk to lately," Index sighed. "Seems like everything has to go through Appo or he won't even look at you sideways… but hopefully you can get through to him, Kix."
"I'm sure he'll at least hear me out," Kix shrugged.
"Yeah, I bet he's just grumpy because some admiral's making life tough for him." Rabbit folded his arms and winked. "While Kix talks to him, we can get started repainting. Be on our best behavior."
"Shouldn't we decide on the design first?" Coe asked.
"Oh yeah," said Singer. "What have you got, Ice?"
Ice frowned and pulled some flimsi surreptitiously from inside his armor. "Don't go waving it around. Now look, the first one, I'm not sure about… we probably can't all go wearing that on our armor, even if Skywalker gives the go-ahead." He passed the sheets to Afterthought, on his right. "It might seem a little… bigheaded. But it was the first thing I thought of."
"Oh... I get it," said Afterthought, staring. He laughed uncertainly. "You know, this isn't subtle at all."
"Exactly."
Afterthought tilted his head and turned the second picture left, then right, eyebrows askew. "What is it…?"
Ice puffed in frustration. "It's supposed to be his number."
"Oh! Right… I guess I have seen that system used before. Hmm," he said to himself, "which one is better…?"
"Pass it on while you're thinking." Brick beckoned and AT handed the sheets over. "Ah," Brick said when he had one picture in each hand. "I like them both. But if I had to pick… number two."
"Hey," Jesse interrupted, reaching over the middle of the circle toward where Brick was sitting. "Pass it to Kix so he can vote before he goes to talk to the General."
"Right." Brick passed the cards to Jesse, and Jesse straightened, quickly glancing over the two before handing them to Kix. The first one looked like jaig eyes, but Ice had stylized the letters of Rex's name to mimic the symbol in irregular lines. It was bold, like the bleeding ink of graffiti… like a territorial warning, or a sign of some danger overcome.
The second looked at first like the top half of a stick figure with one wing extended, but Jesse saw—on second glance over Kix's shoulder—that the man's head, shoulders and body were simply made up of the letters "CT" with the C being the head, and the wing was actually more reminiscent of a pauldron. The lines of the pauldron were dashes and dots representing numbers: 7567.
"Ah… I think I like this one better," Kix said, turning the first outward for Ice to see, and handed them both back to Jesse. "I'll be back. I'll let you know if I get delayed by an emergency."
Jesse threw Kix an encouraging grin.
"Good luck," said Singer.
"Number one… definitely," Jesse confirmed. He passed the pictures to Index and glanced again over his shoulder to watch Kix walk away. His pace was normal, quick but not too rigid.
"Haven't I seen number two before?" Index asked.
"Maybe," said Ice. He scrubbed roughly at the many crack-like lines on his own leg plating. "I've done a similar design for some other guys who've lost friends."
"I thought you said you don't do this kind of thing unless an officer asks you to," Rabbit said slyly.
"Who says it wasn't an officer?" Ice muttered.
"I'll change my vote to number one, then," Brick said. "It's better if it's unique."
"Jaig eyes aren't unique, exactly," Singer pointed out, the cards now in his hands. "Anyway, as Ice says… you're supposed to earn them."
"I think this is different enough that it doesn't matter," Jesse said. He pointed back over his shoulder. "I'm gonna go get a sander."
"Bring one for me, will you?" Rabbit called.
Knees hopped to his feet to follow Jesse. "I'll go grab some for everyone."
"I don't need one," Singer sighed, eyebrow high with lids half closed. "Mine's already done."
"Yeah… me and my squad finished about an hour ago." Index held his helmet up for them to see the standard inverted triangle down the middle.
Jesse walked away to the automated tool dispensary along the wall. Within a few steps his mind had already wandered back to Kix. Maybe he should have gone with him to speak to General Skywalker. But no… Kix was usually the more tactful of the two of them. Jesse's presence wouldn't add much, but he felt unusually nervous leaving him alone after promising to watch his back. That first glance at Kix and Fuse in the medical bay flashed in his mind as he picked up the sander.
"Aw, come on! I hit the wrong button," Knees said, dumping the unneeded hydrospanner back into the dispenser. "You know, I just touched up my paint job a few days ago, too."
"That's a shame. It was a real masterpiece." Jesse nudged him with his elbow. Knees wasn't exactly an artist, although he liked to think he was. His latest design involved a lot of blocky lines radiating out from almost every edge, some of them crossing each other. "You almost got all the lines even this time. Were you trying to look like an anemone?"
"No, they're crystals," Knees laughed, then sighed. "Next thing you know, all the gunships are gonna look the same."
"Maybe this is just a temporary thing." Jesse wished he believed it.
Back in the circle, Brick was arguing with Singer.
"It's not insubordinate," Brick said gruffly. "It's just not something that should even be an issue."
"Normally, yes… I would agree with you," Singer said calmly, "but considering how things are changing—"
"That's exactly why we don't need to tell Commander Appo every little thing we're doing," Brick interrupted. "He has more important things to worry about."
"But he wants to be informed, and if we did tell him, and he approved of our ideas, it would strengthen the unity of the battalion. If he thinks we're doing things behind his back, it will cause problems, and right now we need to be united."
"That's true," Index said. Jesse thought he could hear an undertone of reluctance. "The chain of command is being more strictly enforced lately… doesn't seem to be much excuse for bypassing the officers directly above you."
"Let's just wait until Kix gets back," Jesse suggested. "If the general gives us the go ahead, then we'll tell Appo."
"Alright," said Singer. "But I think Appo will wonder why we didn't go tohim first."
The men all looked at each other. Afterthought was the one who finally broke the silence.
"Do you think Commander Appo would take it the wrong way, us wearing a tribute to Rex? Since he's replaced him, I mean."
"I think he's more likely to now that we haven't told him about it." Singer folded his arms. "I just don't want him thinking our respect for Rex is getting in the way of everyone adjusting to… how things are, now."
"Well," said Coe, "we can just explain that we didn't actually think of it as something for the whole battalion to do… just a few of us. It was just an idea a few of us had."
Singer sighed softly. "And if the General says no?"
"Then we don't put it on our armor," Ice said simply. "If you still want to use the design, just get a tattoo. Personally, I'd prefer that."
"Yeah," Jesse said. He sat down and started taking off the arm plates on his armor. "And if he says yes, we can do both if we want to. So did we decide on one?"
"It's down to AT," Brick said, in the middle of painting his chest plate now. "Just make up your mind!"
"Okay, okay," Afterthought said. "I got it. If he says yes, I'll have number two on my armor and get number one as a tattoo. If he says no… well, who says we all have to get the same thing, anyway?"
"It's more meaningful that way," Jesse argued.
"I agree," Singer said. "If we all have the same one, it's… a symbol of how we were all connected to Rex. But on the other hand, each of us could choose or design something on our own, to make it more personal."
"Less likely to make people think, you mean." Rabbit frowned.
Singer blinked at Rabbit, looking concerned. "Is that what we're trying to do? I thought we were trying to honor our captain. I think Rex would want us to concern ourselves with reducing conflict in the ranks, not use his name to distract people from their objectives."
Jesse stared at Rabbit, trying to work out what his comment had meant. What was Ice's design supposed to make people think if they all wore it openly?
"I don't think anyone's questioning that Rex was a good Captain… before…." Index said quietly. "This is for us to show our respect regardless of how he died. There's nothing wrong with that. And none of us are going to take it any further, are we?" It wasn't really a question.
In the awkward silence that followed, Jesse switched on his sander and sighed down at his helmet and the grey roundel painted on the top that echoed his tattoo. The symbol of the Republic itself. He had picked it out as a shiny because he was proud to serve and eager to show it.
"Well, guess this has to go," he said to himself, and let the sander grind away the paint.
…
Kix jumped when the door in front of him opened. He stepped back quickly; a grey-haired admiral—Tala Mench, Kix thought her name was—left the room and turned to address General Skywalker.
"I will be speaking to General Allie," she said, smiling.
"You do that," Skywalker quipped. "And I'll talk to Obi-Wan about our transfer."
The Admiral nodded abruptly and walked away. The General watched until she was a fair distance away. Then he finally turned to face Kix. His face, which had just moments ago looked open and almost amused, settled into a distant, displeased look
"Alright. You said this wasn't an emergency or exactly confidential. What is it?"
"Just a question, sir, about the new regulations for our armor."
"This wasn't something the other officers could clear up for you?" Skywalker's voice was hard, and he barely looked at Kix, staring instead down the hall.
Kix kept his voice and expression friendly. "Some of us were wondering if small, unobtrusive designs would be allowed… tributes to friends we've lost in combat. It's become a tradition for some of us, sir."
"What does the order say?"
"It…." Kix felt a tiny buzz of guilt. "Sorry, General. I haven't checked it myself, yet. Word was passed to me from Lieutenant Singer, and since we were planning on modifying our armor before we heard about this, I volunteered to ask you about it."
"Well, change your plans. The only exceptions are for commanders."
"That's what I heard. But what about members of Torrent Company, sir?"
"Check the actual wording of the order," Skywalker said dismissively. "If an exception isn't clearly listed, then it doesn't exist." He turned to leave. "I don't have time to explain it to every trooper personally."
"I understand, sir," Kix said hurriedly. "But, General… some of us were thinking of adding a design in memory of Captain Rex." Skywalker stopped, and Kix hesitated before plunging ahead. "I know you respected him just as much as the rest of us, sir. Is there some way we could still do this without actually going against the new order? We thought you might know if there were."
Skywalker's eyes narrowed, and at first Kix thought it was just out of anger at Tarkin's interference. But then the General said, "It's not up for discussion. If you want to break the rules, I hope you're prepared to face the consequences." His voice got low and threateningly dull. "Going to your general asking for suggestions on how to dodge the rules isn't very professional, is it? Try to do this behind my back, and you'll be out of this battalion for good. That's a promise. Just do your job. Dismissed."
"I take my job very seriously, sir," Kix said, startled. "Which is why I thought, given how low morale is lately—"
"I said," Skywalker growled, glaring at Kix as he jabbed a finger at his chest. "Dismissed. I don't want to see you again until your armor paint is brought up to standard." He shoved Kix hard, suddenly enough that Kix stumbled backward three steps before catching his balance against the wall. "And I don't want you to approach me about anything that's not an absolute emergency, and even then, you go to your commander first."
"Yes, sir," Kix said numbly. He turned and walked away. He hurried and didn't look back until he knew he was out of sight of the door. No one followed him.
…
"Well, I guess that does it," Jesse said, placing the last piece of his armor down and sitting back to look at it. Everyone else's was more or less finished being repainted, and their pieces were neatly laid out nearby, nearly indistinguishable from his. Did it matter if they got mixed up? Most of the other men added their finishing touches in silence.
Jesse looked up when Coe made a noise and nodded toward the door. Sure enough, Kix was approaching, looking calm. In the few seconds it took him to approach, he blinked too many times, too evenly, his wandering eyes and easy gait too casual.
"So?" Jesse tried to look hopeful. "What did he say? No?"
Kix shook his head. "The orders stand."
"Looks like we're all getting tattoos next time we're on Coruscant." Jesse looked around at the others; nobody looked particularly thrilled.
"He told me that if I tried to get around the new rule behind his back, he'll make sure I'm removed from the Five-Oh-First." Kix murmured it half to himself.
"Who said that?" Rabbit asked. "The commander?"
"General Skywalker."
"He's just in a bad mood, I told you—"
"No, Rabbit," Index said reluctantly. "I've tried to talk to him about some things too… but from all I've heard from the other officers, he won't meet with any of us but Commander Appo. I'm surprised you even got him face to face long enough to say your piece, Kix."
Kix just shrugged.
"That doesn't seem like General Skywalker," Jesse said quietly.
"It's not," Singer agreed. "But Appo says it's for the best. And I think he has a point. Our battalion has always been a leader in this war. But apparently, between ourselves and General Skywalker, we're also one of the most lax when it comes to … strict adherence to procedure. The general is only trying to define the boundaries more clearly. To make things more consistent with the army as a whole, because as the war gets more intense, we have to be prepared to work at the same level of excellence no matter who is commanding us."
"So it's settled then," Kix broke in. "I'm gonna go get my armor."
He turned away immediately.
"I dunno," Index sighed. "Even if it is a chain of command thing…."
"I'll, uh… I'll be back in a minute." Jesse grinned faintly and lifted a hand before he stood and hurried away.
Kix was out in the hall before he caught up.
"Hey," Jesse said quietly. Kix slowed but didn't look at him. "Did General Skywalker really say that to you? About kicking you out?" He circled around in front of Kix to make him stop.
Kix stared at his chest. "Why are you running around without your armor on?"
"Paint's just drying." Jesse shrugged. "So…General Skywalker wouldn't consider it at all?"
Kix took a deep breath and kept walking. "It's fine… it's not a problem."
"You sure?" Jesse frowned.
"Yeah." Kix swallowed. "Maybe we shouldn't even get the tattoos."
"What? But…General Skywalker isn't going to care what we get for a tattoo, as long as it's nothing disrespectful."
Kix was silent as they walked. Jesse waited, but after a second Kix just tightly said "Yeah." He lengthened his strides.
"You're not okay," Jesse said quietly. "What did he say?"
"No, I'm fine," Kix said, strained. "I'm fine with changing our armor… it's not a problem."
"That's not true," Jesse murmured. "I can tell that's not true."
"Okay," Kix sighed tightly. Jesse didn't like the look of his complexion. "I need to talk about something else."
"But what did he say?"
"He said no!" Kix's voice rose and Jesse fell back a step. "Okay?" He stared at Jesse, squinting—Jesse could see him struggling to swallow in between breaths. "I told you. I already told you…."
Jesse fell silent, trying to think of something to distract Kix.
"I'm sorry," Kix said abruptly, looking flushed. Jesse felt his heart drain out through his feet. "Sorry, you're right… I'm…I'm not feeling…." Kix reached into the smaller pouch at his belt and rummaged frantically. Jesse realized he was looking for his hypo. "Where is it?" he hissed weakly between gulping breaths. "I left—in my—" His body seized suddenly and his jaw clamped shut.
"Come on." Jesse grabbed Kix and steered him toward the nearest refresher, noticing the tension in Kix's shoulders as he stumbled forward.
There were a couple guys in the refresher, but Kix dashed into the nearest open stall while Jesse scrubbed the tiny flecks of paint off his gloves as loudly as he could manage under the faucet. He could still hear Kix gagging and coughing, and his own stomach clenched. One of the stall doors opened.
"Something wrong with the galley?" the trooper asked uneasily.
"Oh, yeah, the supplemental meals we got today," Jesse said, glad that his shaken feeling wasn't audible. "Don't worry; it's been taken care of. It was uh… just a small slip up for a few tables. Barely anyone's gotten sick from it. Just the guys who haven't eaten real food for a while."
"Well that's good..."
The other trooper came out too; they washed up and left. Jesse dried off and pushed lightly on the door of the stall Kix had gone into—it wasn't latched. Kix was on his knees, bent over the toilet, breathing shallowly.
"You want me to stay with you or go get the rest of your medkit?" Jesse asked softly.
Kix just groaned quietly, propping his head on one of his hands, the other arm wrapped tight around his stomach. Jesse shimmied as far as he could into the cramped stall and realized there was barely any evidence that Kix had thrown up.
"Haven't you eaten anything?"
"Field rations," Kix managed to say. His eyes were squeezed shut.
"That's it? For how long?"
Kix was silent, just breathing.
"It's okay," Jesse said. "Uh, I'll go get what you need. It's just in your crate, right?"
Still nothing. Jesse reached out and gently touched the back of Kix's head, only to feel him trembling. It sent a cold shock up Jesse's arm, into his own stomach.
"It pr-robably won't help now," Kix whispered breathlessly, voice cracking slightly as he wiped his mouth and swallowed again. "Don't leave…."
"I won't leave," Jesse reassured him, wondering how much pain Kix must be in.
"Nng," Kix groaned. "Why does this keep happening?"
"Uh…well… you're the one who knows about bodies," Jesse said, feeling helpless.
"I know how it all works." Kix coughed and made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. His half-whisper was raspy as he sat up a little straighter, both arms folded around his middle now, hands in tight fists. "But I don't understand this at all. Why my stomach tries to tear itself in half when I haven't even eaten anything. It doesn't make any sense for… a soldier's body to do this… for no good reason."
"Do you think it's getting worse?" Jesse asked.
"It hasn't been this bad," Kix said choppily. "Not until today. Usually nothing happens." He pushed himself up off the floor and turned around. Jesse backed out to let him pass. Kix's face was blotchy, his hands and arms still clamped tight until he reached the sink and could wash off his gloves. He took them off and shakily cupped water in his hands to rinse his mouth. When Jesse met his eyes in the mirror, Kix looked exhausted.
"Sorry," Jesse murmured. "I should have dropped it. I knew you weren't feeling right."
"It's not your fault." Kix turned to look at him directly, water dripping from his chin. He was sweating.
Jesse wanted to know what it was Skywalker had said to make this happen. Maybe it hadn't been much of anything at all. Maybe it was just the reminder that Rex was gone, and from that, all the memories of why. Maybe it was everything at once.
"Do you have time to sleep?" Jesse asked.
Kix shook his head. "I don't want anyone wondering…."
"I'll cover for you."
"No. I don't want to give the general any more reason to… disapprove."
Jesse frowned. "He's not like Krell. He's not looking for a reason to get rid of you."
"No… no, I know that," Kix said breathlessly, eyes darting, struggling to swallow again. "I know. But… if he knew—maybe—maybe he does know already, but this is… bad. I'm only getting by because I'm a medic and I can use the antiemetics… but I'm wasting medication if I have to keep using them consistently. Without them I'd be… well, he wouldn't be able to keep high command from…."
"Kix," Jesse interrupted. "Wait. We don't know that. Maybe you're just being hard on yourself. Maybe it's not a defect—"
"If you were inside my head right now," Kix whispered, "you would know something's not right. And what kind of soldier throws up just because his general got a little annoyed at him?"
Jesse stared at the crease between Kix's eyes, at the shaved designs on his head that were blurring as the time drew near for another trim. A shudder ran visibly through Kix. Jesse didn't know what to do. Asking more questions might just make Kix start retching again, and he was in enough pain already.
Long moments passed of occasional eye contact, Kix taking deep breaths repeatedly, followed by short, repressed sighs. The door opened and a few troopers walked in; Kix grabbed his gloves off the edge of the sink and Jesse followed him out.
"You're going to get your armor?" Jesse asked.
"That's the idea," Kix murmured.
Jesse carefully chose his words now that they were out in the hall. "Picking up anything else?"
"Maybe rations… and some water…."
"So… what's the plan for next time?" Jesse asked, and Kix gave him a look.
"Next time?"
"I think I need to refill my personal medkit."
Understanding smoothed Kix's face a little. "Oh yeah… we can make a stop on the way."
They didn't speak until they were in the medical supply room. Kix went to one of the chests and opened it. For a moment, he stared motionlessly down into the vials as if he saw something there that disturbed him.
"It'd be good for you to have some back up," Jesse said, relieved when Kix snapped out of it and looked at him. "Besides, maybe there are other troopers who could use it too."
"You sure about this?" Kix frowned and pulled out a hypo and two vials of the antiemetic. "The way things are going… just saying I gave you permission might not be enough if someone finds out and wants to make a problem out of it."
Jesse held out his hand palm-up, determined. "That's not gonna happen. And even if it does…." He thought of all the sheets of flimsi he and Hardcase had asked Kix to hide over the years. "That's the risk you've always taken for me."
Kix hesitated before he put the hypo and one of the vials in Jesse's hand. "I don't think we'll need it."
Jesse's neck prickled, and he wasn't sure what Kix meant by that. But he decided not to ask. Instead, he looked down to where his belt pouch should have been and laughed sheepishly. "Guess I don't exactly have a good place to hide this right now…."
Kix gave a weak smile and took the hypo and vials back before tucking it all away in his medpack. He gave himself a shot of something, Jesse wasn't sure what. But the split-second image of Kix standing there with his eyes closed, the hypo cradled against his neck, made Jesse feel an unexpected pang of longing for something he could barely put into words. For things to be different. How different, he wasn't sure. He tried not to think about it right now. But words were forming in his head again, and they would come out sooner or later.
"Okay," Jesse said instead. "Now you better try to eat something before we head down. You know, I can do your armor for you if you don't want to go back down there."
"I'll be alright," Kix said, just a slight unsteadiness remaining. He hesitated. "I don't want to be alone, anyway."
He said it simply, and Jesse hoped he felt as shameless about it as he sounded.
"Alright, then. Let's go."
…