Okay, so the title's not going to make sense until you read the chapter ^^;

It's a request from markwyldespinebuster who wanted to see more drunkenness scenes. Personally I don't think it's as good as 'Guardian of Funny Tasting Eggnog', but them's the breaks with things like this.

Disclaimer: IDORotG. Or Disney

...

A Night of Stualness

...

"Ah, Guardians, welcome."

Jack stared at the old man standing on the threshold, holding the door open for them, in confusion. He had a sash with the current year printed on it slung over his shoulder and a top hat sat perched upon his grey hair. But that wasn't what baffled the winter spirit. Wasn't Baby New Year supposed to be… well, a baby? He thought it might be a touch rude to ask, so kept his mouth shut as he followed the others inside.

It was actually his first time being invited to the holiday icon's annual party, and he had a feeling he'd only been invited this time because of his new status as a Guardian. Nevertheless, their host seemed like a nice enough guy. That didn't stop him from asking Bunny about the baby thing once he'd gone off to greet other guests, though.

"Alphaios is only a baby at the start of the year," Bunny explained. "He then grows old til New Year's when he becomes a baby again."

"Oh. Sucks to be him."

Bunny shrugged in a 'what can you do' kind of way.

"Oh, Jack, how lovely to see you!"

Winter spirit and Pooka turned as Mother Nature sauntered over, a beaming smile on her beautiful face.

"Mother Nature," Bunny nodded respectfully.

"And hello to you, Aster," she returned the greeting.

"Hey, Mother," Jack tried not to laugh at the semi-horrified look Bunny was subtly giving him.

"You really are a teenager, aren't you," Mother scowled, fussing with his hair and hoodie. North had wanted him to wear a suit but Jack had flat out refused. Tooth had made him brush his hair, at least, but a ride on the sleigh did wonders to fix that.

Jack just grinned easily, pulling away before she decided his attire needed correcting. Manny knew what would happen if she wanted him in more formal wear. "Are the others here?"

"Yes, they arrived shortly after me. I believe they're over by the snack table."

"…Lleu's not wearing anything… inflated, is he?"

A bemused expression flittered across her face. "No?"

"Phew!" Jack laughed. "I'll catch you later, Mother, Bunny!"

Mother Nature waved pleasantly but Bunny still looked gobsmacked and horrified at the casual way he'd been talking to her. If she'd been in a bad mood he would have been the first on the floor bowing at her feet, but when she was enjoying herself like this it was more than safe to treat her like one would their own mother. He was pretty sure she liked it, too.

...

...

"Enjoying that?" Jack smirked as he nearly walked into Sandy, who was drinking from two different wine glasses simultaneously.

Sandy nodded enthusiastically and gulped down the last remnants of the wine before placing them on the tray of a wandering waiter and grabbing two more, one of which he held out to Jack.

"Oh, I don't know," Jack said awkwardly.

"Oh go on, have a drink. You're over eighteen, aren't you?" Alphaios asked, joining them.

"Um, technically…"

Alphaios took one of the drinks from Sandy and Jack's hand, forcing the two together. "It's New Year's Eve," he declared. "We must celebrate!"

Jack looked from the old man to the equally enthused Sandman and shrugged mentally. One little drink wouldn't hurt. "Okay," he relented, taking a sip.

"That's the spirit!"

...

...

"Oh, I'd expected Jack to be with you."

The three seasonal spirits broke from their conversation as Mother Nature approached.

"Jack's here?" Ceres asked with a raised brow.

"Yes, he came with the Guardians."

"Haven't seen him," Lleu frowned, scanning the crowd around them for a sign of the familiar white-haired boy.

"Strange, I thought he was coming to find you hours ago."

May set down her hardly touched glass of white wine on a table. "Shall we go find him, then? We can let him know you were looking for him if you like."

"Oh, I wasn't looking for him, I just happened to notice he wasn't with you," Mother Nature clarified. "It is nice to see him here tonight, though."

"Never thought he would have been invited," Ceres added, half to herself. Mother Nature acted like she hadn't heard.

"We'll go find him," Lleu reassured. "C'mon, ladies."

...

...

"So, Alph – I can call you that, right? – how do you become a baby, anyway?"

The sound of Jack's voice, slightly slurred, led the trio straight to him and they paused as soon as they spotted him. He was standing talking to Alphaios and the Sandman, all of whom had rather giddy expressions (although they suspected Sandy wasn't actually drunk – the little man could probably give North a run for his money with the amount he could drink).

"Magic," Alphaios replied mystically, waving a hand through the air.

"Hey, I can use magic!" Jack gasped, pausing with his glass half-way to his mouth. "Do you think that means I could become a baby too?"

Sandy shook his head, no, but then a picture of a clock appeared above him.

"Time? Ooooooh you're right! We should ask Father Time to turn us all back into babies!"

"But then we wouldn't be able to have any more wine!" Alphaios replied, taking a huge swig of his drink.

"Oh no," May said, dread lacing her tone. "Jack's drunk again, isn't he?"

"This is pretty bad," Lleu nodded.

"Who votes we pretend we didn't see anything and leave them to deal with him?" Ceres asked, half turning as if to run away.

Before the other two could respond, Jack happened to glance their way, eyes lighting up as he caught sight of them.

"Hey guys!" he beamed, passing his glass to Sandy and breaking away from the older two spirits who continued chatting.

"Hey, Jack," Lleu gave a pained smile.

"Who gave you alcohol?" May asked monotonously, her expression dark.

"The plate," Jack said blankly.

"Let me rephrase that. Who let you drink alcohol?"

"Oooooh. Sandy and Alph," his gaze drifted down to her dress, still white but more formal than her usual one. "You look so pretty!" he gushed. "Is that a Saint Laurent?"

May blinked. "You like it? It's actually something I found in–" she cut herself off when she realised Lleu and Ceres were staring at her.

"Don't mind us," Lleu smirked. "Continue your discussion."

Perhaps commenting hadn't been the best decision as Lleu suddenly found himself being stared at by his opposite.

"You remind me of Harry Penguini," he told the summer spirit with a completely straight face.

"Umm…"

"He's one of my penguins," Jack explained like it was the most normal thing in the world. "He likes to do magic tricks; mostly making fish disappear. You look like him with that suit on."

Lleu looked down at the tuxedo he'd been forced to wear. "Okay, yeah, I can see how I do kinda look like a penguin." The back of the coat even had a tail. "Hold up," he paused. "How come I got forced into this monkey–"

"Penguin."

"–penguin suit and had to relent to having my hair pulled back into a pony tail while you get to go around in the same clothes you wear every day? It doesn't even look like you brushed your hair!"

"My penguins might think I'm mocking them," Jack said, looking down at himself. "And if I wore a suit they'd make me wear shoes. I don't like shoes," he whispered.

A waiter carrying a tray of mini quiches walked past and Jack snatched a couple, holding one out to Ceres. "Have you tired these?" he asked around a mouthful of snack. "They're so good!"

"You can tell they've been made with frozen vegetables," Ceres commented, accepting the snack.

"Guys, I think we're getting off topic," May shook her head.

"You're right!" Jack gasped. "What were we talking about?"

"You and alcohol," Lleu sighed.

"Oh. Don't tell Lleu and the others!"

The three seasonals exchanged glances.

"Tell them what?" May asked carefully.

"That I've been drinking. I'm not supposed to be drinking."

"Then why did you?"

"Peer pressure, mostly. What if I didn't and then Alph wouldn't like me anymore and then he might kick me out and then I'd have to go find something else to do and Tooth would look at me sadly cause I screwed up again and maybe they'd kick me out of the Guard–"

"Whoa there, Snow Cone," Lleu cried, stopping that train wreck before it could begin. "No one's getting kicked out of anywhere. But you know what alcohol does to you. Promise you won't drink anymore."

"I do?"

"Ugh, what's the point?" Ceres groaned. "He's not going to remember any of this in a few hours."

"What?" Jack's attention snapped to her, his expression nothing short of horrified. "I'm… I'm going to forget? I don't want to forget again! What if I never remember? What if I lose all my memories again? I can't… I don't- I can't!"

"Jack, calm down," May hushed, placing both hands on his shoulders to ground him. "It's alright. You're not going to lose all your memories."

"You promise?" he looked so vulnerable, so scared.

"I promise."

Jack sighed in relief.

"So what are we going to do with him?" Ceres turned to her fellow sober spirits, talking a tone too quiet for their fourth member to hear. "I'd really like it if we didn't have a repeat of last time."

"Maybe we should find Sandy and get him to knock him out? Sleep seemed to do the trick last time," Lleu suggested.

"What is with these irresponsible spirits and giving minors alcohol?" May hissed. "First North and now Sandy? I mean, Alphaios I can understand, but the other two are supposed to be Guardians, aren't they?"

"If I could have your attention, please!" Alphaios' voice echoed throughout the room, drawing everyone's attention to the stage upon which he stood. "First of all I'd like to thank you all for coming to this little end of year celebration. It's been wonderful having you all here, and I look forward to next year when we do it all again! In exactly a minute we will be saying goodbye to this year and hello to the next, so get those New Year's resolutions ready! The countdown will begin shortly!"

"Good, we can go home soon," Ceres drawled.

"So what's the plan? Find Sandy?" May raised a brow.

"Um, guys, I think we might need to find Jack first."

The women's attention shot to where Jack had been standing, only to find he was gone.

"Oh no."

...

...

"Oi, Jack!"

Jack turned with a bright smile as a familiar Australian accent reached his ears. "Hey Bunny!" It was about ten minutes after they'd finished the countdown (and Jack had been a little upset when he'd realised they weren't counting down a spaceship or an explosion… although fireworks could be considered explosions and rockets…)

Bunny was looking at him strangely. But, then, Bunny was a very strange… well, bunny, but this was different. Not only did he look strange, but he was staring strangely. So it was like two times the strange. Dual-strange. Dunge. Or maybe strual.

"Are you okay, mate?" Bunny asked cautiously. Still looking straul (or was it strually?).

"Never better," he grinned.

"It's just you've got a wine glass on your head."

Jack blinked. He did? "I do?" A hand reached up, easily located said wine glass. Oh, now he remembered. "I was eating those little quiche things but I was thirsty and I didn't have enough hands so I just put it there. Guess I must've forgotten about it," he shrugged.

"Uh-huh," Bunny crossed his arms, his brows furrowing like he was trying to figure out some complex puzzle.

"Are you okay?" Jack returned the original question. "You're looking kinda strual."

"Kinda str- what?"

"You know, strual?"

"No, mate, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about." His eyes widened suddenly. "Where's your staff?"

Jack gazed around himself as if in half-hearted search for it before he said, "I left it over by Befana." Bunny followed Jack's finger to the old woman in question. His staff was leaning against the wall beside her broom.

"Okay… why did you leave it there? I thought you flipped out whenever you didn't have it with ya."

"Well, it saw her broom and one thing led to another and so I decided to give them some privacy." A pause. "You're looking strual again."

"Did you hit your head?" Bunny pulled back Jack's fringe as if inspecting for bumps or bruises.

"I don't think so?"

"Wait a minute," Bunny sniffed. "You've had alcohol, haven't you? How much and who let you?"

"I lost count after the third one."

Bunny suddenly looked very angry. So now he was strange and angry. Strangely angry. Strangry. Angely? Jack didn't know, but whatever the case, Bunny was it.

"Why do you suddenly look like you're trying to melt me with your eyes?" Jack hedged. "You can't actually do that, right?!"

"There you are!" Lleu called out, coming to a stop beside the two of them. "Oh, hey, Bunny. You're looking rather murderous today."

Jack leaned towards the red-head and muttered conspiratorially, "You could say he's… hopping mad."

Lleu snorted but awkwardly cleared his throat when Bunny glared at him.

"Don't encourage him, mate."

"Is this the part where I accidentally nearly impale my sister and run away to a mountain to make an ice castle?" Jack asked, completely oblivious to the atmosphere. "Cause I think that might be problematic. Since, you know, she's not exactly here."

"Have you been watching Disney movies?" Lleu raised a brow.

"What the heck made you bring that up?" Bunny frowned.

"Well, this is a party, right? And Elsa went crazy during a party. I feel like I could go crazy. But I don't think I'd want an ice castle. Can you imagine how uncomfortable the bed would be? And don't even get me started on the plumbing problems. What did she even eat?"

"Who gave him alcohol?" Bunny glared at Lleu.

"He said it was Sandy and Alphaios," Lleu said, raising his hands in self-defence.

"Then they're gonna wish they'd– Where did Jack go?"

...

...

"Fireworks are so… what do the kids say these days? Cool?" Mother Nature mused as she stood on the balcony, watching the colours explode against the dark night sky.

"Except they're really hot," Jack laughed, standing beside her. He'd spotted her standing alone and had decided to join her, but not before grabbing his staff, which had had a falling out with Befana's broom. Apparently the broom was a bit shady. Besides, Jack didn't want to have to deal with a pining staff and with the broom having roots in Italy, he would end up having to make heaps of trips just for them to catch up. He didn't tell his staff any of this, of course. Better to live and let lie.

Mother Nature glanced at him from the corner of her eye.

"Hey, I wonder how they'd look if I froze them! They'd be like water fountains, only without the fountain. They'd be like water!"

"Jack–"

"THE MOON!" Jack suddenly gasped as the light from the moon appeared from behind a cloud. He narrowed his eyes at it. "So we meet again, Manny. What, not going to talk to me? Well maybe I'll make you talk. Maybe I'll fly right on up there and give you a piece of my mind! And then maybe you could give me a piece of that cheese the moon is supposed to be made of."

The wind whipped around him at his mental call and he shot upwards, intending to do just as he'd said, but a hand grabbed his ankle and he was hauled downwards and wrapped in a slender but strong embrace.

"You smell like maple," he told his captor, not bothered in the slightest that his plan had been foiled. It was the wrong season for space travel, anyway. Not to mention he'd forgotten to pack spare underwear. "Have you been in Canada? I hear they have scratch-and-sniff money." He frowned. "Or did I dream that? It sounds like something that wouldn't happen in real life."

"Jack."

"Do you think a dream really is a wish your heart makes?"

"Jack."

"I mean, what if there was someone who didn't have a heart? Could they still have dreams? Does that mean they don't have ambitions? Or does it mean dreams like the kind Sandy brings?"

"Jack."

"And if it means the kind like Sandy's, does that mean even the really weird dreams are your heart's wishes, too?"

"Jack!"

"Cause this one time I had a dream I was eaten by a giant turtle and I'm pretty sure I don't wish for that to happen."

"Jack!"

"Yes?"

"Stop talking for a moment."

Jack stayed silent.

"Have you had any wine tonight?"

Jack nodded.

"How much?"

He couldn't lift his hands to show her a finger count from where he was still being hugged by her, so he tried to transmit the information directly into her brain.

"You can speak to answer my questions," she sighed.

"I don't remember. Four? Maybe five?"

"Alright," she said in a calm tone that didn't match the way her face was scrunching up in anger. "And why did you drink so much?"

"I didn't want to, but then Sandy was offering and Alph said it was a celebration and that it was fine since I've been around for a few hundred years and… Are you mad at me?" he asked hesitantly, averting his gaze.

"No, Jack," she reassured him through gritted teeth. "Not at you. I'd like you to go home and sleep now, alright?"

"Oh okay," he slipped free of her embrace and called on the wind. He made it about a foot off the ground before he stumbled and Mother dragged him back down.

"Perhaps you shouldn't fly. I will organise transport for you back to my castle. You may spend the night there."

...

...

Bunny and the three seasonals were in a state of panic. They'd looked everywhere and Jack was still missing. If they didn't find him soon there was no telling what kind of trouble he could get himself into.

"We need to find him," May bit her lip. "He's not as drunk as he was last time but he might still do something stupid."

"You four!"

Seasonals and Pooka snapped to attention as a very angry looking Mother Nature stalked towards them, dragging what appeared to be Baby New Year by the ear behind her.

"Uh oh," Lleu cringed. "She doesn't look happy."

"Can you tell me where to find Sanderson Mansnoozie?" she asked with no small trace of venom.

"So… you know about Jack, then?"

"Oh, I know alright."

"You wouldn't happen to know where he is now, then, would ya?" Bunny asked, hunched like he was expecting her to blow up.

"I sent him back to my place to sleep. Now if you're not going to tell me where Sanderson is, move aside."

"I think I saw him by the snack table," May said quietly.

"Thank you," Mother Nature curtly walked off in the direction indicated, toddler Alphaios being tugged along for the ride.

They watched as Sandy spotted her coming, his carefree grin slipping into a look of horror. None of them could say they felt sorry for him when she grabbed him with her free hand and dragged both him and her other victim out of the room.

"Well, that'll teach 'em," Bunny shrugged. "Saves us havin' a go at 'em, too."

"What's the bet she accidentally tears down one of the walls?" Ceres smirked.

"I'm saying maybe 65%," Lleu said noncommittally, snagging a hors d'oeuvre from a passing waiter. "Maybe 70."

"Well, we all know what their New Year's resolutions are going to be," May said. "To avoid Mother Nature."