Happy April Fool's!
This one feels a bit rushed to me but it's already late, so... Also, I managed to incorporate a request in it! There you go, Alliprince :3
Disclaimed.
...
Joke's On You
...
Jack opened his eyes in excitement as the light of dawn washed over him. On a normal day, he would have groaned at the obnoxious light and rolled over on his tree branch for a few more hours of rest. But today wasn't a normal day. He'd been waiting too long to waste precious time sleeping. There was much work to be done and not a lot of time in which to do it; April Fool's pranks had to finish by midday, after all.
With a huge grin, Jack shot off his branch into the sky, letting the wind catch him. "What do you think, wind? Who should we target first?"
The wind tossed him southwards and Jack held back a snicker.
"Over-grown rabbit it is."
A rustle from the bushes nearby made him pause, however, and he stared into the darkness, trying to locate the source of the noise. It was probably just a squirrel or something, but better safe than sorry. Jack spun around as heavy footfalls reached his ears, accompanied by heavy breathing.
"Okay, a big squirrel," he muttered. The wind wrapped around him protectively.
Without warning, a dark blur sprung from its hiding place amidst the trees and charged him. Jack barely managed to let out a yelp before he was snagged by the hood of his jumper and dragged off through the woods.
"Ah! Hey! Let me go!" he cried, craning his neck in an attempt to get a visual on his attacker. His eyes widened in dread. "Of course," he huffed. "It had to be a stupid Nightmare." Jack repositioned his staff and slammed it into the horse's muzzle. The Nightmare whinnied in protest but didn't let go, even as ice began cascading across its face.
Before he had the chance to try again, the Nightmare suddenly plunged down a dark hole in the ground – a hole Jack very much wished he didn't recognise – dragging the winter spirit along with it. Hooves clattering on stone announced their arrival at the bottom and the Nightmare gracelessly tossed him heavily to the ground.
"It's about time you got here."
Jack hastily pulled himself to his feet and scanned the area, looking for the source of the voice even as his eyes were still adjusting to the dimmer lighting. He blinked as he spotted four figures seated around a dark stone table. He had to be seeing things.
"Excuse me?" he addressed the head of the table – Pitch Black himself.
"What, are ya deaf as well as blind?!" a second, heavily accented voice snapped and Jack found himself on the receiving end of a glare from the Leprechaun beside Pitch.
"Um…"
"Did you not see the birds?" Pitch drawled lazily, his chin resting in his hand.
"Birds?"
"Yes, birds," Chuck – the groundhog – rolled his eyes.
"No?"
"It doesn't matter," the fourth intervened. Jack blanched when he realised it was Ceres. "Just sit down already so we can get this meeting over with."
There was only one empty chair at the table but Jack made no move to take it. "Meeting? What are you talking about? What meeting?"
The others stared at him.
"Did you hit your head or something?" Chuck raised a brow. Jack matched his expression.
"The Guardian meeting," Pitch said in a 'duh' kind of tone. "The one that we pre-planned a month ago? Remember?"
"Ooookay, either you've all lost your minds or I'm still asleep, so…" Jack gestured vaguely towards the exit, "I'm just… gonna go now…" He turned to flee but was stopped by a Nightmare standing directly behind him.
"You're not goin' anywhere until we're done," Patrick glared. "Now sit ya frosty behind down before I do it for ya."
Bemused and the slightest bit intimidated, Jack did as he was told.
"The sprites have informed me Toothiana is on the move," Ceres said gravely. "They've spotted some of her fairies on the outskirts of towns."
"The Sandman, too," Chuck grunted. "Saw his sand last night."
What is happening? Jack stared.
"Then it's clear we need to take action before they, or the other two, do anything further," Pitch straightened.
"What do ya suggest?" Pat asked.
"I say we hit 'em where they live!" Chuck cried.
"Yes, because striking back on their home ground is such a wise decision," Ceres said sarcastically. "Do you even have a brain?"
"Then what do you think?"
"I say we pick them off one by one – from the sounds of things they haven't grouped together yet. If we take them one at a time, our chances of success are far higher."
"We could set a trap," Pat nodded. "Lure them to a place of our own choosing."
"What do you think, Jack?" Pitch's golden eyes snapped to the silent winter spirit.
"I think this is one weird dream," Jack replied, eyeing them all. "Seriously, what's going on here?"
"The four most dangerous spirits are starting an attack and all you can say is 'this is a weird dream'?" Chuck gaped.
"Dangerous?" Jack frowned. Well, he supposed, they kinda were. "Maybe, but they'd never attack anyone unprovoked."
The other four stared at him like he was insane.
"Are you even listening to yourself?" Ceres criticised. "Just last night that stupid fairy probably stole at least a few hundred kids' teeth – and their memories along with them!"
"Um, yeah? That's kinda what she does? You know, to protect the memories? And she doesn't steal them," Jack shook his head. "What's wrong with- oooooh."
"Oh?" Pitch echoed, one brow raised.
"This is just some weird prank because it's April Fool's Day, isn't it?" Jack smirked. "Nice try, guys."
"You think this is a joke?!" Pat snarled.
"April Fool's was days ago!" Chuck added.
"A-huh, you're not fooling me, guys," Jack reclined back in his chair.
"I don't know what's gotten into you, Frost," Ceres said, rising from her seat. "But you seem to be a few eggs short of a dozen today – more so than usual. If the only way to make you believe us is physical proof, then so be it."
Jack suddenly found himself hauled up by his hoodie – I'm sensing a theme here – and dragged back towards the entrance like a sack of potatoes. "I can walk, you know," he grumbled, but Ceres ignored him.
The three remaining at the table exchanged a glance before following them.
...
...
It wasn't until they'd reached the outskirts of Burgess that Ceres finally released her prisoner, tossing him in a way that had Jack staggering a few steps before he could regain his balance.
"See for yourself," was all she said.
Jack, bewildered, turned around. There was a huge cluster of mini fairies perched in the nearby trees, all of them watching the newcomers warily. Despite the tense atmosphere, Jack smiled.
"What are you guys all doing out here? It's morning – shouldn't you be off collecting teeth somewhere or back at the Palace?" he called out to them.
One of the tiny fairies flittered from her perch towards him. Jack recognised her instantly – differentiated from her sisters by the yellow feather atop her head.
"Hey, Baby Tooth!"
Baby Tooth stopped a short distance from him and the surprisingly hostile expression on her face gave Jack pause. This wasn't the greeting he was used to.
"Baby Tooth?"
Baby Tooth squeaked out something that sounded alarmingly like a war-cry and all of the fairies amidst the foliage flocked together. And charged. Jack's eyes widened in shock and he found himself unable to move as they angled their little bodies so that their beak-like noses were held out towards him like spears.
A mass of vines shot out of the ground, weaving together to make a temporary barrier between the Tooth Fairy's workers and them.
"Don't just stand there!" Ceres snapped, yanking him by the hoodie towards where the other three were standing.
"Do you believe us now?" Chuck grouched.
Jack blinked but couldn't find the words to respond. He still didn't believe that these four were 'Guardians' but the blatant hostility of the tooth fairies had certainly given him pause. He was leaning more towards still being asleep but he hadn't quite ruled out the possibility that everyone had gone insane.
"Can we talk about this later?" Pat eyed the wall warily – fairies already starting to navigate around it.
Jack gasped, his stomach lurching, as the ground suddenly disappeared from under them. When his vision returned he found himself standing once more in Pitch's lair.
"Satisfied?" Pitch asked him, unimpressed.
"No, not particularly," Jack snapped back. "Would someone care to explain why I was just attacked by an ally?"
"Ally?" Pitch echoed. "Why Jack, you of all people should know how despicable those blasted fairies are; they did steal your memories, after all."
White hot anger bubbled up in Jack's throat. "That wasn't Tooth's fault! She didn't know I'd lost them!"
"Why are you defending her?!" Pat cried. "She's the enemy! You know that!"
"What, and you're my allies?" Jack shot back. "Last I checked, the only person in here that even remotely liked me is Ceres. Pitch has tried to kill me multiple times, Chuck downright hates me (although that may be justified, all things considered) and you have never been anything but hostile to me!"
The others stared at him, faces expressionless.
"Feel better?" Ceres asked.
"A little bit!"
"Good," she sniffed. And then whacked him across the back of the head.
"Ow!"
"Now if you'd shut up and listen for a second, you'd know that while we might not all be chummy, we have a single, common goal to protect the children, no matter what. Pitch has not tried to kill you, by the way. I don't know what's going on with you but you must have flown into a tree or something because you're insane."
"P-Protect the children?" Jack stuttered. "Pitch is the only one here – besides me – who even has more than a passive indifference towards kids and he wants to make them live in fear! How is that protecting them?!"
"Can you please stop talking about me like I'm not here?" Pitch cut in. "I don't want them to live in fear; I use fear to teach them, to help them grow! What's gotten into you?!"
"Okay, you know what?" Jack ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I don't have time for this." Turning on his heel, he called on the wind to carry him away.
The four remaining shared a glance. "Well… that went well."
...
...
Jack made sure to navigate around the area the manic tooth fairies had been on his way to Jamie's house. The last thing he wanted was another run-in with them. He didn't want to have to hurt them.
He'd barely landed on Jamie's windowsill before the kid was opening the window and eagerly bustling him into the room.
"Hey, kiddo!"
"Hey, Jack! I didn't think I'd see you 'til next winter!" Jamie grinned, shutting the window again.
"Nah, not leaving for another few days," Jack shrugged. "…Hey, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, what is is?"
"Who are the Guardians?"
Jamie pulled a face. "Are you okay?"
"Fine, just please answer the question."
"…They're the spirits that prot–"
"No, I meant who are they; like who specifically."
"Well there's you," Jamie began slowly, a weird look on his face. "And Ceres, Chuck, Pitch, and Patrick. Right?"
Jack reached over and placed his hand against Jamie's forehead. "No fever," he mumbled.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine." It's the rest of you I'm worried about. "So hey, it's almost Easter," Jack said, watching Jamie carefully.
The kid bit his lip. "I know," he replied nervously. "But you guys'll be there just in case, right?"
"Just in case?"
"You know," Jamie hedged. "In case Bunny turns up?"
Jack pinched himself, earning an unreadable look from Jamie. Nope, not asleep… "Um, yeah, we'll be there…"
"Jack! Jack!"
They both turned towards the door as Sophie wormed her way into the room and flung herself at the winter spirit.
"Heya Soph," Jack ruffled her hair, noting the strange look on Jamie's face that the kid quickly hid behind a smile. "What's new with you?"
"Went to zoo!"
"You went to the zoo? Wow!" Jack grinned, laying on the enthusiasm.
"They didn't have any groundhogs, so she was pretty disappointed," Jamie added.
"You like groundhogs, huh?" Jack asked slowly.
Sophie giggled into his hoodie.
"I'm starting to wonder if you're not more trouble than you're worth," a voice drawled from the shadows.
Jack was on his feet in a heartbeat, poised in a defensive position even as he ushered the kids behind him. "Pitch!"
"Still stating the obvious, I see," Pitch remarked, coming into full view.
"Hey Pitch," Jamie waved awkwardly.
Pitch spared him a glance. "Hello."
Jack blinked at the exchange. "Um, Jamie, you do remember how this guy tried to take over the world, right?"
"What are you talking about?" Jamie frowned at him. "He helped save the world, remember?"
"Sure, riiiight. And the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Sandman, and Santa Claus are actually evil."
"Um, yeah?"
Jack stared at him.
"Are you quite done?" Pitch interrupted. "If you don't mind, I'd like to deal with this problem before the four of them can do any lasting damage."
"You're all insane…" Jack muttered, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know how they managed to convince you to work with them in this elaborate plot against me, but I'm not falling for it," he told the Boogieman.
"We already told you, it's not April Fool's – that was days ago. What possible reason could we have to come up with an 'elaborate plot'?"
"Payback?"
"For what?"
"All those pranks I played on you?"
"What pranks?"
"Are you being serious right now?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"What's gotten into you?" Jamie asked, looking very confused.
"What's gotten into–" Jack cut himself off with a huff. "You know what? Fine. Let's pretend for a second that I'm the one who's gone insane."
"Hardly a challenge," Pitch muttered. Jack ignored him.
"So you're a good guy."
"Yes?"
"Who helps children, instead of trying to make them scared of everything in a bid for power."
"Is there a point to this?"
"And the groundhog, leprechaun, and the spirit of autumn all care about kids enough to protect them too, even though their respective jobs have nothing to do with kids."
"Again, yes."
"And the Man in the Moon totally thought such a random bunch of spirits would be perfect to form the Guardians."
"The Man in the Moon?" Pitch echoed incredulously. "Of course not, why would our greatest enemy choose us?"
Jack blinked. "Come again? If he didn't choose us, who did?"
"Nobody chose us," Pitch rolled his eyes. "We decided to become who we are of our own volition."
"A-huh," Jack said, completely unconvinced.
"Ugh, look, we don't have time for this," Pitch growled. He stalked forward, grabbed Jack by the hoodie and dragged him into the shadows.
Unprepared for the sudden shadow travel, Jack stumbled upon emerging back in Pitch's lair, his stomach lurching. He staggered over to the table, tripped over a chair leg, banged his head on the edge of the table and knocked himself out.
"How graceful our winter spirit is," Chuck snorted.
...
...
Jack groaned as consciousness returned to him.
"You with us, Frost?" a familiar voice called.
Jack pried open one eye, taking in the forms of Ceres, Pat, Chuck, and Pitch leaning over him. Oh yeah.
"Ow," he muttered, pushing himself up into a sitting position. He took a moment to gaze around the room, instantly recognising it as Pitch's lair. "What am I doing here?"
"Don't you remember?" Chuck drew his attention. "Pitch brought you back and then you went and knocked yourself out, ya clutz."
"I didn't miss the meeting, did I?!" he cried. The four shared a look.
"No, we haven't really started yet," Ceres said slowly.
"Good," Jack sighed in relief. Using his staff as a crutch, he got to his feet and plonked himself down in one of the chairs at the table. "So what's the news? Anyone got any movement to report?"
"Like I said earlier, my sprites spotted the fairies."
"And the dream sand," Pat added.
"Anything from Bunny or North?" Jack leaned forward, his expression grave.
"Not yet," Pitch replied. "But we can't rule them out – not with Easter so close."
"Then we'd better take action before they can."
"You have an idea, then," Chuck said after a moment's silence.
"Bunnymund is the biggest threat at the moment, right? So I say we sneak into the Warren and capture him. If he's locked up, he can't do anything against the kids."
"And you propose we just waltz in there? Did you forget? He's a warrior!"
"What, the big bad groundhog's not afraid of a bunny, is he?" Jack smirked.
"Like hell I am. I'm just trying to be tactical about this."
"Well luckily I have a plan, then."
...
...
Jack touched down on one of the sentinel eggs as he flew into the Warren without a care in the world. The second he got close, the sentinel switched to its angry face, but he paid it no mind. There were eggs everywhere – some painted, some not – all running about in their chaotic order. It was a busy time of year for the Easter Bunny. The evil Easter Bunny. And no evil, overgrown rabbit was going to steal hope from kids on Jack's watch.
"No sign of Bunny," he said to himself, ignoring both the sentinel's attempts to dislodge him and the other large stone eggs moving towards him, all displaying the same displeased face. "Maybe I need to get his attention…"
With the barest tap of his staff, the egg he was sitting on froze over.
"Frost!"
Ah, there he was.
"Bunny, fancy seeing you here," Jack said in faux surprise.
"What're ya doin' here, Frost?" Bunny growled.
"What do you think? I'm here to stop you from stealing the hopes from kids. I am a Guardian, after all."
Bunny paused, a smirk slowly worming its way onto his face. "And ya thought you could stop me all by yourself?"
"No," Jack smiled. Bunny's expression faltered.
The ground rumbled as vines and nearby flowers grew exponentially, wrapping themselves around Bunny's legs and torso and holding him in place. Dozens of small holes opened up, all the eggs falling through them and out of sight, and Nightmares started creeping in from the shadows, surrounding both the Pooka and all the sentinel eggs.
Jack leant back casually on his perch. "I'm just the distraction."
"Damnit, Frost! Let me go!"
"I'm sorry, what?" Jack tilted his head. "Diiiidn't quite catch that."
"I said let me go!"
"Why should I? If I do that, you're just going to fight back. Not that you really have much of a chance…" he looked over at the four who stepped out into the open. "Nice job, guys. That's one down."
"Honestly, I can't believe that worked," Ceres eyed the rabbit.
"I told you he wouldn't be expecting you," Jack stood. "Shall we move on to the next one? At this rate we'll be done by lunch."
"Don't underestimate me!" Bunny snapped, clawing his way free from his restraints. A second later he launched his boomerangs at his attackers.
Jack ducked in time to avoid a rather painful blow to the head and began manoeuvring his way towards Ceres.
"You can't win, Cottontail!" he called. "We've got you outnumbered!"
"What, four to one? I've beaten worse odds."
"Try four hundred to one," Pitch said with a self-satisfied smirk as countless Nightmares and woodland sprites closed in.
"A couple o' ponies and midgets? You've gotta be kiddin'," Bunny rolled his eyes.
"Don't judge a man by his size!" Pat raged, swinging a sword before him as he charged.
Bunny dodged the blows and retreated towards his tunnels with a few choice words.
"Damn, we lost him," Chuck grumbled.
"Nah, he's probably gone to the Pole to warn the others," Jack said with a casual shrug of his shoulder. "Let's go."
...
...
"Bunny, what's wrong?" North asked as he strode into the Globe Room. "What are you doing here?"
"We've got a problem, mate," Bunny replied from where he was warming himself by the fire.
"What kind of problem?"
"It's Jack – he's playing us."
"'Playing us'?"
"Yeah. He's figured out our prank and playin' along with it. They turned up at the Warren – stole my eggs and tangled me in my own bloody plants. Ya should've seen all the Nightmares!"
"That is problem," North said gravely. "He will likely go after Sandy and Tooth, too."
"We should warn 'em."
"Bit late for that," a voice called from the rafters.
The two holiday icons' heads shot up in time to see Tooth, wrapped in nightmare sand ropes, fall from the beams. North barely managed to catch her before she could hit the ground.
"Toothy, are you okay?"
"I've been better," she sighed. "They snuck up on me – I never saw them coming."
"You didn't really think you could get away with it, did you?" Jack smirked as he jumped down from the rafters. "No one hurts kids, not on our watch."
Pitch and the others emerged from the shadows, Sandy slung between them with a pot shoved over his head.
"Not the gold I usually work with, but it'll do," Pat snickered as they tossed the Sandman over to where the rest of the big four were standing.
"And now that you're all together, it'll be so much easier to deal with you."
Tooth sighed. "What are you planning to do with us?"
"Well, we have to be sure you can't hurt the kids ever again," Jack said offhandedly. "What do you guys think? We could lock them up somewhere?"
"That's a little overkill, don't you think?" Chuck looked up at him.
"Have you forgotten what they've done to the kids? Stealing memories, hope, wonder, dreams? We can't just let them off the hook!"
They all stared at him.
"Jack, we know ya know," Bunny rolled his eyes.
"Know what?" Jack frowned in confusion.
"We know you know about the prank," North explained.
"What prank?"
"Ha-ha, ya got us, mate," Bunny crossed his arms.
"Seriously, what are you talking about?" Jack asked. "What prank?"
"Yeah, okay, we can stop now," Chuck said.
"Stop what? What's gotten into all of you?"
"Is he being serious?" Pat frowned.
"You must have hit your head harder than I thought," Ceres raised a brow, moving his hair to see the spot where he'd banged his head, revealing a rather large bruise.
"How did that happen?!" Tooth cried.
"He knocked himself out on the table."
Bunny snorted earning an elbow in the ribs from Sandy, who had managed to get the pot off his head.
"You know," Pitch began with false innocence, taking a step towards Jack. "If we destroy them, they won't be able to threaten anyone ever again."
"Now that's a little overkill, don't you think?" Jack said in amusement.
"You can never be too careful, Jack."
Jack nodded. "You're absolutely right."
"Ha-ha!" a triumphant cry preceded a blur of colour that shot out from nowhere and tackled Pitch to the floor. Everyone stared.
"Get your hands off me!" Pitch snarled.
"Now why would I want to do that?" Lleu asked with a grin. "Sorry we're late; we had to figure out a way to get here without turning into ice cubes," he told his winter counterpart.
"We?" Chuck asked.
"Yes, 'we'," a second voice chimed. The groundhog suddenly found himself hanging from the rafters by a rope around his foot.
"April Fool at your service," she bowed.
"Speaking of which," Jack turned back to Lleu, "how did you get here?"
"Uh-uh," Fool shook her head. "A magician never reveals her secrets."
"You're not a magician," Jack pointed out. He glanced side-long at the top hat and tailed dress jacket she was wearing. "Even if you do dress like one."
"Of course I am!"
"Does someone want to explain what's goin' on here?" Bunny asked.
"Certainly," Fool smirked. "Jack let us in on your little plot and we were more than happy to lend a hand."
"Did you honestly think I was going to fall for that?" Jack snorted. "I'm not stupid."
"Could've fooled me," Bunny quipped. With a cry he suddenly found himself chest-deep in a hole in the floor. "What the?!"
"You're welcome," Fool said sweetly. Bunny glared at her.
"When did you drag these two into it?" Pat asked.
"On the way to the Warren," Jack replied. "I flew for a reason, you know."
"So what are you going to do with us?" North sighed. He knew Jack well enough to know revenge was on the way.
"Nothing," Jack surprised them. "So long as you apologise and admit that you can't trick me."
"Don't count on it," Pitch sneered, vanishing into the shadows.
"Aw, man," Lleu whined. "Sorry, Snow Cone."
"Don't worry; I was expecting him to do that," Jack shrugged. "So, apologies?"
"Sorry, Jack," Tooth smiled sadly. "We can't trick you."
"Apology accepted."
"I am sorry too," North nodded. "As is Sandy."
"Forgiven."
"I'm just sorry it didn't work," Ceres sniffed. "Though your confusion in the beginning was fun."
"That's probably the best you're going to get out of her," Lleu grinned.
"North, the three of us are going to need a snow globe to get out of here," she gestured to Pat and Chuck, who was still swinging from the ceiling.
"Not a problem," North waved them in the direction of his office.
"What about you, Cottontail?" Jack smirked down at the rabbit.
"Yeah right," Bunny grunted.
"Fine, Lleu, Fool and I'll just go raid the kitchen and play with the elves, then."
Bunny narrowed his eyes. There had to be a catch.
"Fool, if you will."
"My pleasure," she winked, pulling a bucket out of hammer space and moving to stand in front of the Pooka.
"What's in that?" Bunny asked suspiciously.
"Goo. Have fun getting it out of your fur, Fur-ball," she said, pouring the contents over his head.
"Ooh is that lime I smell?" Lleu grinned.
"Yep! I made it flavoured."
"Shall we go find those elves, then?" Jack smiled sinisterly.
"Oi! Alright, I'm sorry!" Bunny panicked.
"Sounds like a plan," Fool linked her arms with the boys' and together they proceeded to leave the room.
"Frostbite! Hey!"
Silence descended after their departure and Bunny tried futilely to free himself. The door to the Globe Room creaked open not minutes later and his head shot up, hoping it would be someone who could get him out of this mess.
Cold dread seized him when he spotted the hungry eyes that landed on him.
"Oh crap."
Guest Review Responses:
gemini: Thank you!
Shttrd Glas: Sorry to hear you had a bad day, but I'm glad I could cheer you up ^w^
Fandomcrazy: XD Sorry about the delay! And this delay... and the delay that's probably going to follow... I don't know if I'm going to have time to write an Easter special this time :(
Regality: :3
Guest: ...I dub thee Guestacular Ghost (lol Idk). You're sick?! D: Get well soon! (If you haven't already ^^;)