Warning, The Following Is important: Hey guys! So, uh, today I kinda woke up and decided to do something really silly and dumb.. but have no negative effects on the story. So, now here is a chapter that DOESN'T happen in the Canon version of the story!

That's right, nothing in this chapter actually happens! So yay! Enjoy this AU chapter!

AU, Stories Of WTF

Today wasn't a normal day. Whether she was somehow high, had too much soda or was just in a weird mood, Natallia knew it'd be odd. Hell, she/I almost accidentally spelled her real name in that sentence! I've NEVER done that before!

So, today, the plan was to stay in her tourist trap of a home and not leave as not to harm her friends.

"The stars say you're an exciting and wonderful person, but, you know they're lying. If I were you I'd lock all my doors and windows and never ever ever leave my house again.."

She sang boredly to herself after thinking her thoughts, whilst she took the four leafed clover she was wearing in her hair lately out and put it back in it's regular spot as a journal on her desk and started writing. Animal Crossing logic. "That's your horoscope for today, yay yay yay yay yay, that's your horoscope for today." She sang the Weird Al song with mild amusement, picturing the Steven Universe AMV version in her mind's eye. Heh, Chef Pyro is a genius.

Random shout out to an amazing channel that made mentioned AMV.

"That's your horoscope for today, yay yay yay yay yay, that's your horoscope for today."

Bones decided to take this exact moment as an opportunity to crash through Natallia's window.

"Under here." She said boredly, motioning to the desk and not even flinching at him as if this were a normal occurrence. Which, in this fucked up version of this story, maybe it was.

Bones scampered under the desk on all fours. "WHERE IS HE?!" One policeman yelled. "ILLEGAL ORANGE TRADE AND ROBBERY WILL NEVER CEASE IF WE DON'T ELIMINATE THE SOURCE!" Yelled another. Bones shivered fearfully.

Natallia put on her Clown Mask so the police wouldn't be able to identify her and leaned out her open window. "Saw em' run onto the bus to the city. Tradin' the oranges to Redd in the city for weed at that shady shop." The police stopped. "Did you see what the suspect looked like?" The policeman asked.

"Yeah, dumb ape named Al. Wearing this dog mask so ya wouldn't recognize him." She replied monotonously. "Didn't he move a year ago?" A policewoman asked. "He must come back sometimes to steal the oranges." Natallia said, mimicking slight surprise and realization.

"But we thought the suspect WAS a dog? Looked like that one villager guy, what's his name, Skulls? Ribcages?" A final policeman asked.

"Bones. And, no, Al just decorated a fancy Halloween costume to look like Bones. You know, those kids and their fancy Halloween costumes." Natallia lied flawlessly.

"Makes sense, thank you citizen, and goodbye."

"Kay, you guys just keep Zootopia-ing it up over there. Good luck."

Natallia smiled and stopped leaning and got back inside, but not before singing another line of Weird Al's marvelous song. "You'll take an unexpected trip, when you fall screaming from an open window."

She removed her mask, and shut the window.

Bones sighed, relieved. "Thanks, you saved my ass." Bones told her, as he took a glass I shard out of his face. Natallia full of mirth, smiled and laughed. "Of course, you're my best friend. After all, all you're doing is stealing 237 oranges from the only other human in town every week and trading them."

Bones grinned, remembering his favorite job and his ever growing addiction to oranges. "Well, don't worry, I'll never stop or change, or my name isn't Bones 7 Dogface McGee." Natallia raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Your middle name is 7? Your LAST NAME is Dogface McGee?" Natallia asked in heartbroken disbelief.

"Yeah, why?" He asked. "I thought your last name was Envious!" Natallia asked, thinking Bones's name was Bones S Envious, not knowing S stood for Seven. "Yeah, turns out my mom forced my dad to change his last name, so he decided to change it to Envious. I liked Dogface McGee better though. So, I've adopted the name Bones 7 Dogface McGee."

Natallia, not thinking too much about what she was saying, said heartbrokenly, "But, I don't want to be called Mrs. Natallia O Dogface McGee.." Bones looked sad. "Aww…" He said, disappointed.

"WAIT, what does that imply..?" Bones asked, now confused and blushing a bit. "NOTHING AT ALL OKAY LET'S TALK ABOUT ORANGES!"

Bones's expression was blank. He then smiled. "I like oranges!" Natallia sighed, relieved he already forgot. "So do I!" She said honestly.

"Sooo.. whatcha writing in that journal of yours?" Bones asked. "My diary." "Oh." Bones shyly took a glass shard out from his face from back when he crashed through Natallia's window.

An awkward silence.

"If you're bored I can show you a sketch I've been working on." Natallia offered. Bones remembered Natallia's love of drawing, the only cannon fact in this chapter so far. "Yeah, sure."

Natallia got her big black sketchbook she loved so much, big white letters across the cover that spelled, "Death Note". After flipping through several pages, oddly filled with mostly names and only a few sketches, she landed on a sketch of an emo girl.

"I'm still working on this. What do you think?" Bones observed the sketch more closely. It was oddly colorful for what was supposed to be an emo. It was nice, unique. "I like it!" He said finally. "If you didn't make it, well, I can't think of a way it would make sense. It's still a bit odd. But odd doesn't mean bad. I like it." He elaborated.

If it wasn't Animal Crossing, well, I can't think of a way it would make sense. It's still a bit odd. Odd doesn't mean bad, though. I like it!

Bones pulled out another shard. Natallia stared at the drawing. "Hmm.."

Silence…

"NO IT'S HORRIBLE!" "What?" Bones asked, shocked by the outburst. "IT'S NOT DARK ENOUGH!"

Bones blinked. "No, I like it! The color was a unique idea!" He encouraged. "AHW, FUCK, I JUST SMUDGED OUT ONE OF HER EYES!"

They both went quiet. "Maybe if I throw oranges on it it will fix literally everything." Bones said.

"What? That's a great idea but it won't work for this particular drawing." Natallia told him, knowing orange was a color and it would ruin it more. "I'M DOING IT!"

Natallia tried to hold him back. "FULL NELSON!" She screeched. "Am I high?!" Natallia asked.

"No, you probably don't even know what drugs are, let alone how to get them!" Bones argued.

Natallia continued to screech. "I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK! YIP YIP!" Bones yelped.

"WELL IT'S OKAY BECAUSE I STILL LOVE YOU!" Natallia yelled back. They both stopped and went totally silent. "Did I just fucking say that?!" She whispered, but not too quietly for Bones to hear.

They screamed again.

…

Carmen was having an off day. After finally getting a friend code for herself and going to visit her friends, she had to ride with a bus full of police mourning over a lie a civilian told about an orange robber in Redd's shop. Then, she almost didn't recognize her old human neighbor's home because all his oranges weren't on his trees, totally changing the surroundings. Finally, when she went to visit her old friend Natallia, her other human friend, one of her windows was smashed. She entered the human's home.

"Hey guys, I came to visit you all-" She stopped. She saw Natallia, red in the face, and Bones, looking like he was having a panic attack. They were both screaming, panicking, and staring at her with eyes wide as saucers. Bones had glass shards in his face and all over the rest of his body.

"I take it now's a bad time.." She told her still screaming friends, backing away slowly.

And no one ever saw Carmen again.

And that's the end of the first ever non-canon chapter! Yeah, I had a lot of inspiration for this one. Two different Steven Universe comics, Weird Al, and probably more that I forgot about. So, I hope you enjoy. Also, there was a reference to my first reviewer thrown in there. Yeah, you know who you are!

*Disclaimer: Oh, hey, you're still here? Well, I haven't been abducted by old men yet, so that's good. Anywho, I don't own anything. Not Animal Crossing, Weird Al, Oranges, my first Reviewer, and no I'm not talking about Guest Sorta they're only my first reviewer for my first story not my first reviewer for THIS story, I'm talking about Fueled By Nightmares, although I don't own Guest Sorta either, I don't own Steven Universe, or the Steven Universe comics I was inspired by, or Death Note, or Zootopia. I, uh, THINK that's all.