Arya was having a hard time reconciling how she felt. On one hand, Littlefinger was gone and that meant that she was safer. That meant that the people that she cared about were safer. That didn't mean that there weren't people lurking in dark corners. There was a chance that word of her return to Winterfell could have spread South. Cersei could be sending assassins to kill her entire family in their beds. The Others were marching South to kill all of them and Daenerys was on her way as well. There was no telling how she was going to respond to a North that had no interest in kneeling. She was relieved but still so afraid that she couldn't sleep half of the time. Arya spent hours lying in bed and watching as Gendry slowly healed. She watched him breathe deeply and she woke him up when he had nightmares.
It was a month after the death of Littlefinger and Arya once again could not sleep and she watched her husband frown and whimper in his sleep. She never asked what he dreamed about but her name came up a few times so she could only imagine. Arya reached forward and placed a hand on his cheek.
"Gendry, wake up," she said. Gendry didn't wake up quietly; instead, his eyes snapped opened and he gasped for breath. He blinked a few times as if trying to bring her into focus until his breathing slowed down.
"Sorry," he whispered. "I woke you up again." Arya didn't want to tell him that he wasn't the one that was waking her up. Instead, it was everything that was happening around them. She was trying to focus on the good as she had her family together for the first time in so long. Arya could feel the pack expanding as she got to know Howland and Brienne and Podrick and Davos. The people that she cared about used to consist of one person but now, now she had weak points that she didn't know how to deal with. Now there were so many ways that she could get hurt and Arya didn't know how to deal with any of this. She didn't know how to accept a world where her pack wasn't just there to give her strength but could be her weakness as well.
"You can't control your nightmares," Arya replied as she ran her fingers through his hair. Gendry closed his eyes and seemed to relax a little as she touched him.
"Something is bothering you," he said after a moment of silence. Gendry cracked open an eye and looked at her. As always it was like he was looking through all of the layers she wrapped around herself to keep her heart safe. There were times when it was dark and Gendry was asleep, that she thought about running. She thought about getting away from Winterfell and all of these people that made her feel vulnerable. When she was feeling particularly weak she even thought about leaving Gendry behind thinking that he would be safer somehow if she wasn't there. Arya hated when those thoughts crossed her mind.
"I'm thinking about weakness," Arya said as she let Gendry pull her close.
"You think you're weak?" he asked. Gendry leaned forward and began to press soft kisses along her neck which Arya found incredibly distracting. She groaned as Gendry began to suck a bruise onto her pulse point that was going to be hard to hide. Arya enjoyed the fact that she could walk up to Gendry and kiss him in front of everyone without having to worry as much. She liked that she could take his hand during dinners even if some of the Northern lords were still giving them dirty looks. Gendry seemed more comfortable with his place as well and seemed to be growing closer with Jon. Arya sometimes caught the two of them late at night, sharing drinks, and lowly discussing being a bastard and their different upbringings.
"I don't know," Arya said as she pulled Gendry closer and gave him better access to her skin. They weren't exactly clothed but Arya wanted more skin. She reached down and helped Gendry pull off the shirt he slept in sometimes. Gendry kissed up her neck and eventually pressed his lips to hers. Arya dug her nails into Gendry's shoulder and let him settle between her legs as he rolled her onto her back.
"Then what do you mean?" Gendry whispered against her lips. He slipped his hands beneath her sleep shirt, one of his, and pulled it off. Gendry kissed down her chest and took one of her nipples into his mouth. "What is it about weakness that is keeping you awake at night, Arya?" So he knew that she wasn't sleeping. Arya shouldn't be surprised because Gendry knew her better than anyone. She arched her back as he touched her other breast with his rough hands.
"I care about more people now," Arya said as Gendry slipped her small clothes down her legs. They hadn't had a lot of time to explore each other much despite being together as long as they had. Arya knew what Gendry wanted to do right now, they had talked about doing this in the past, but now was the first time they had somewhere safe where they could be together. "The more people I care about the weaker I am."
"That's not true," Gendry said as he bit down gently on her hipbone. "The people around you make you stronger." Arya wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that having more people around you were just more opportunities to get hurt, but Gendry placed his mouth against her center and Arya lost all of her words. He had shaved the day before but the rough feeling from his stubble was delicious against her thigh and whatever he was doing his tongue should have been illegal. The women in the brothels talked about the rare client that would do this for them and how good it felt but Arya felt like they were underselling how amazing this felt. Arya groaned as Gendry slipped two fingers in her and it took no time at all for her to peak. She cried out and Gendry didn't pull away until she was trembling.
Arya was having a hard time feeling her legs as Gendry moved back up the bed and pressed his lips to hers. She could taste herself on him and it made her moan against his lips.
"I just want everyone safe," Arya whispered. "And when I think about them getting hurt it makes me feel weak."
"You taught me that the people around us make us stronger," Gendry said he shifted between her legs and pushed inside of her. "I'm not saying don't be afraid but use that fear as strength to keep the people you love safe." Arya wanted to make a crack about when he got so wise but Gendry slammed into her and stole her breath again. He wasn't being rough but he was being relentless as if he was trying to fuck this notion of weakness out of her mind. Arya wasn't sure if it was going to work but it was taking her mind off of everything for a moment.
Gendry pinned her arms down beside her head and interlaced their fingers as he moved in and out of her. Arya felt a little trapped but if there was anyone she was willing to give up a little control to it was Gendry.
"Arya," he said, his voice annoyingly steady considering what they were doing. "You can't protect yourself by shutting everyone out. You're home, your family is home, so now it's time to protect it." Arya looked into his blue eyes and she could see how much he loved her. She could see how much he believed in her and how he wanted her to have everything under the sun and then some. Arya pulled hands free and pulled Gendry down into a passionate kiss where she put all of her insecurities into it. She put everything that she was feeling into that kiss so he would know. Sometimes, Arya needed a reminder that Gendry was her husband and that meant sharing her fears with him.
He reached down and touched her and it was enough to make her peak again. She cried out against Gendry's lips as he snapped his hips three more times and spilled within her. Their coupling was intense and Gendry nearly collapsed on top of her as they continued to kiss. The bed was a mess and Arya knew she needed to get up and find something to wipe it up with but right now she enjoyed exchanging deep and slow kisses with the man she loved. Gendry rolled onto his side and pulled her close as they continued to kiss. He eventually pulled away and got up to grab a cloth from the table to clean them both up.
He settled back down into the bed as they lay side by side looking at each other. He was so beautiful and Arya couldn't believe sometimes that someone as good and as kind as Gendry wanted to be with her. He was the kind of man her father would have approved of. She was sure of it.
"I've thought about leaving," Arya confessed and she hated herself a little for the hurt expression that crossed Gendry's features. "I'm sorry."
"Please don't apologize," he said immediately. "You shouldn't apologize for having doubts about everything that's happening. This is all a lot and not just for you."
"Seems like you're handling it a lot better than I am," Arya said and Gendry scoffed.
"I'm not, not even a little," he said. "I feel like I'm even more unworthy of you than ever. I have the moment we walked through those gates. I don't like feeling like I'm lesser but seeing you smile every time you get to be around your siblings is worth that. Those bad moments are worth finding friends for the first time in so long." Gendry paused as he took her hands into his and kissed her knuckles. "I'm not going to promise we're going to be okay because neither of us knows that. Just promise me you'll try to stop thinking of those of us that love you as weaknesses."
"I'll try," Arya said which was about as close to a promise as she could make. Gendry pulled her back into his arms and before long his breathing evened out as he fell back asleep. Arya closed her eyes and hoped for a dreamless sleep.
Arya did try her best to keep her promise to Gendry and remind herself that loving all of these people wasn't a weakness. She met more people and more of the Northern Lords. She met little Lyanna Mormont who looked like she could take down half an army with her stare alone and Arya couldn't believe she was envious of someone nearly half her age. Jorah Mormont, who had originally traveled with Jon, came up from White Harbor where he was staying as he waited for news about his Queen came to Winterfell. Lyanna looked like she was about to beat the man bloody and to Arya's relief, he mostly kept to himself since most of the Northern Lords wanted to string him up. Jon seemed to convince them that he couldn't be killed without risking the ire of someone with three dragons and no one drew their blade on him yet but Arya could see it happening before the end of the war.
She trained with Brienne and she bothered Gendry in the forge. It felt like things were going to be okay but she saw that Sansa and Jon were shutting themselves up in her solar for long periods of time and they got little pinched expressions between their eyes when something was wrong. One day Arya saw them head inside and she decided that it was time for her to find out exactly what was bothering her brother and sister.
"Arya, is something wrong?" Sansa asked when Arya walked in.
"I could ask you two the same thing," she said as she closed the door. "You're not telling us something and I want to know what it is." Jon and Sansa looked at each other and had a silent conversation that sort of blew Arya's mind a little. She couldn't remember a time that Sansa and Jon had that kind of bond and could communicate like that but here they were.
"We have a problem and neither of us are sure how to fix it," Jon said as he gestured for Arya to sit down at the table that he and Sansa were at. "The fact of the matter is winter is just beginning and we don't have enough food."
"If the banners of the North come to defend Winterfell and the battle is quick we will make it through half of the winter at best," Sansa explained. "However, with the armies of the Dragon Queen coming North then we might not even make it through the war with the Others. We are going to starve."
"Queen Daenerys told me that she had allies in the Reach but now that the Lannister's have sacked Highgarden we don't have those allies anymore," Jon explained. "Samwell Tarly is on his way and he could try to get some of the Houses of the Reach to send us food and they very well might but that leads to one of the many problems."
"When Robb declared the North independent we were at war and didn't have time to sit down with the Crown or the various Kingdoms of the South to figure out trade negotiations," Sansa said. "That is no way Robb's fault, he was at war, but now that we are independent again we have no established trade laws with the South. No merchants on ships are willing to sail here without some sort of deal hammered out ahead of time."
"Couldn't someone just bring food up from the South to the Neck or the border to trade?" Arya asked.
"That leads us to our second problem," Jon said and he suddenly looked very angry. "While the Blackfish has taken back Riverrun in the name of Tully's the Frey's still controls the Twins. They aren't letting anyone going North with supplies through on their bridges or on the King's Road. They are threatening merchants and anyone willing to trade with us to turn around." Arya didn't have many regrets in her life and she was proud of the work that she and Gendry did but the fact that they weren't ever able to really lash out at the Frey's always bothered her. The Frey's had taken her mother, her brother, her good sister, and her unborn nephew or niece out of this world and now they were trying to starve the North. The fact that House Frey still existed made Arya see red.
"So let's ride an army down there and take care of them," Arya snapped.
"I wish we could," Jon said. "However, that would be outwardly declaring war on the Crown and we don't have the men for that right now. We need our armies here, in the North, preparing for the war for the living. If we don't prepare for the Long Night then we will fail and we don't have the numbers to fight a war against the dead and against the Crown."
"But if we don't take care of it we're all going to die a much slower death," Sansa said. "Hence why Jon and I have been locked in here for days trying to figure out exactly how we're going to deal with this problem. We could ask the Dragon Queen when she comes North but we don't know how the Lannister's would react to an attack like that and we need everyone ready for the Long Night."
"I know you're going to tell Gendry this because I can only assume you tell him everything," Jon said with a smile. Arya opened her mouth to say that it wasn't true but the way Jon and Sansa were smirking at her seemed to be indication enough that they wouldn't believe her even if she did try to deny it. "But try to keep it quiet for now. I'm sure we'll think of something eventually." Arya nodded and walked out of the solar so the two of them could get back to work. It wasn't that she didn't want to help but more that she was unsure about how much help she could be.
That night Arya told Gendry that she wanted to take supper in their room which he accepted without second-guessing her for a second. It still amazed her sometimes how much he trusted her. They settled down and ate the warm strew filled with meat that Nymeria and her pack had gathered for them but even the wolves would run out of food eventually. As they ate she explained to him what was happening and how they didn't have a lot of options right now.
"I can see why merchants either wouldn't want to defy House Frey or wouldn't want to come North without something in writing declaring that trade was going to happen at a set rate," Gendry said as he sat back in his chair and frowned. "There has to be something that we can do."
"Jon and Sansa said that bringing an army down there, even just a small part of it would be a bad idea," Arya said. "They said it would be too hostile considering how close we are to the Long Night."
"So what we need is an army but not an army of the North even though we can't spare the men," Gendry replied as he frowned like he always did when he was deep in thought. Arya chewed on the nail on her thumb as she thought about battle, tactics, and fighting.
"Maybe we don't need an army," Arya said as Gendry looked up at her. "When we were operating as Wolf and Bull we took down small groups of trained men together because we knew the land and how to make our small numbers work for us."
"If we could get a small group of the right members of House Frey out of the castle and into the woods we could probably take down a dozen or so of them between the two of us," Gendry said as he looked down on the floor. "We also help that we didn't have back then." He gestured to Nymeria and smirked. "Her pack seems keen to protect us when we were riding up here. Do you think they would help us in the woods against some Freys?"
"I think they would," Arya said as she smiled to herself. "We also have some men here that aren't directly connected to the North or House Stark that could come and help and it wouldn't be seen as open war."
"You mean Lord Beric and Thoros and any other Brotherhood members that might be running around the Riverlands," Gendry said. "As far as I'm concerned they still owe me a favor because of the whole "trying to sell me" incident. I could cash in that favor."
"And something tells me Sandor would come with us if Sansa asked him to," Arya said.
"Meera and Podrick probably would too even if we didn't ask them," Gendry said. "With that group, the wolves, and if we could get the Freys into the woods where we know the terrain better than them we could kill a group of two dozen men or more without any problems."
"I have that house with my whole being but there must be someone within its ranks with some sense. If we find them and establish either him or her as the Lord or Lady and get them to open up the King's Road, the crossing, or both to the North that would settle our food problem," Arya said with a smile that faded as something dawned on her. "Jon and Sansa will never let us do this. You are just finishing recovering from your injuries and they won't let me run to the South to deal with this problem without the full support of the North behind me."
"Sometimes it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission," Gendry said with a shrug. "Besides, we're telling him this is all your idea."
"What? Why?" Arya asked because this was something they both came up with and Gendry should be getting credit for it just as much as she should have.
"Because Jon likes you more than me and he's less likely to beat you bloody than me," Gendry said with a smirk. Arya reached over and smacked him on the arm.
"A younger me would have agreed with your "better to ask for forgiveness than permission" idea but I don't want to do something without the support of my family," Arya said. "Besides, half of the people we want to come with us won't come unless Jon, or in the case of Sandor Sansa, says they can. We need to get permission from them to do this."
"You told me they were locked in there for days and they couldn't come up with a solution," Gendry said as he folded his arms across his chest. "Something tells me Jon and Sansa are smart enough to know when there is only one solution on the table and right now? You, me, two members of the Brotherhood, the Hound, Meera, Podrick, and some wolves look like our only option."
"This isn't going to be a fun conversation," Arya said and Gendry hummed with agreement as he finished his glass of wine.