i wrote this because i wasnt feeling too great and needed to vent...hope someone likes it i dunno...
Tw: implied self harm, suicidal thoughts
The feeling was eating him alive
It was torture.
His parents knew about his addiction, of course they did, his mom was the one who walked in on him in the middle of his disgusting act. They stopped caring though, stopped caring that their only son was slowing killing himself.
His friends knew he used to, seeing remnants of past actions. They don't know that he continues it now, except his boyfriend, who sees his body regularly and notices his shameful acts but never says anything.
But this was going to be the day it changed.
He couldn't stand living like this anymore, it hurt to watch everyone in his life progress forward while he moved backwards. It hurt to know how replaceable he really is.
The world will move on without Ethan Morgan.
He'd start by isolating himself, and he did. He stopped talking to his friends, and even broke up with his boyfriend. He demanded to know why, the heartbroken gaze he gave Ethan almost enough to break him, but he didn't give in, only turning away from his love, the only one who'd probably make him reconsider everything.
He stopped talking to his parents, but they didn't notice. Jane noticed, and even asked why he was being weird but he didn't give her an answer.
Next he'd get rid of anything that held value. His favorite games, the promise ring that his boyfriend got him, anything special was either thrown away or sold. He debated giving Benny the games, or giving the promise ring back to Jesse, but he didn't, he sold them all.
The final thing was finding exactly how he was going to end his life. He ended up finding it in his parents room. His dad kept a gun in their closet.
Quick and painless.
The last thing was setting the date. His birthday was coming up. His birthday turned into his death day. He laughed. That would work.
Now it was time to play the waiting game, which just involved him not leaving his room until the date arrived five days later. He didn't go to school, he didn't utter a word, he didn't eat. He was so weak and tired that he thought he couldn't go through it but he persevered, only a few hours left.
It was a friday night, everything was calm. Sarah doesn't come over anymore to babysit Jane anymore. His parents are gone and Jane is asleep, so he leaves. It's around 10:30 at night when he leaves. His parents get home at 11:00, and he's committing at midnight. They don't care, they'd never find him anyway.
He isn't quiet with his exit. He doesn't care.
He walks and walks. He should've brought a jacket. He doesn't care.
He reaches the cliffside on the outskirts of town. It started raining. He doesn't care.
He brings the gun up to his head. He thinks he hears someone call his name. He doesn't care.
His finger sits on the trigger.
One.
He shakes.
Two..
He breathes.
Three...
…
…
…
He breaks down.
He's such a fucking coward.
Pull the trigger already, just fucking do it. End it.
He's crying. There's a hand on his shoulder and another hand taking the gun away and tossing it off the cliffside.
He's being held, strong arms holding him and rocking him back and forth.
He hears a voice, he knows that voice anywhere.
"J-jesse..?" Ethan says between breaths.
Jesse shushes him, still rocking him. "Don't talk. I've got you."
"I'm here."