Hi guys! The hiatus is officially over! Thank you for your patience :)

This one was a request from Nightravin

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!

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Off-Brand

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Jack was not unaccustomed to waking up confused. He wasn't unaccustomed to being confused in general, really. Taking a nap wherever you happened to be standing when the urge hit tended to have this side effect. That being said, he was usually able to remember the events that led him to his latest location after a few minutes. It had now been ten, and Jack still didn't have a clue where he was.

It looked… well, it looked like the Workshop, except sort of… off-brand. Like the place had burned down and the architect who'd come to rebuild it had only gotten a two-minute description from a blind yeti. It still felt like Christmas, it just… didn't feel like North.

Jack sat up a little straighter on the giant candy cane he'd apparently fallen asleep on, and examined the room below. It appeared to be a regular hallway, empty save him. It was nothing like any hallway Jack had ever seen at the Pole. Instead of wood and warm browns and reds, the walls were painted cream, with twisting pillars set into them. Giant candy cane archways were placed at regular intervals along its length. There were doors at both ends.

He jumped down from his perch, bare feet tapping quietly against the floor. He had no idea where either of the doors led, but there was no other exit.

Suppose there's only one way to find out.

The door behind him was closer, so he turned and warily made his way towards it. It swung open easily at his touch, but he stopped it before it could get more than a couple of inches; he had no idea what he was going to find on the other side, and he wasn't eager to draw attention to himself until he knew what he was dealing with.

Jack stuck his head through the gap, peering into the next room. It was huge. As big as the Globe Room, if not bigger. He could see a balcony overhead, with curved stairs on either side. But it was nothing like the Globe Room. For one, there was no globe. There also was no elevator, no fireplace, no tastefully traditional décor, no yetis, not even any elves. It was all department store display – painfully modern and plastic. It was also teeming with children.

They were everywhere, dressed to the theme, and bustling around carrying boxes, tools, toys… Were they workers? Had he stumbled upon some kind of Christmas themed child labour camp?

He stared in complete incomprehension. What the hell was happening? Where was he?

"Jack Frost."

Jack's gaze snapped to the source of the voice – a boy in glasses, dressed entirely in green. He had a clipboard tucked in the crook of his left arm, and an unimpressed expression on his chubby face. Jack didn't recognise him, but he must have been a believer.

"Uh… hi?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Wish I knew, kid. Where am I?"

The boy frowned. "You're at the North Pole," he said slowly, as if that should have been obvious (and it would have been, if he wasn't almost convinced he'd fallen into a theme park). "And I'm not a kid. I'm over a thousand years old."

What.

"You're what?" This kid was older than him?!

The kid's frown deepened. As if Jack was the problem here. "My name is Curtis. I'm the Head Elf."

Elf? But the elves were the size of Chihuahuas and couldn't talk? What?

"What the hell is happening?" Jack whispered.

"What's happening," Curtis said with no small amount of disapproval, "is that you're late for the meeting. Again."

"Meeting?" A Guardian meeting? "Oh thank the Moon."

Maybe now he could get some actual answers. North would know what was going on, surely. Jack looked around at the room again, reminded that he still didn't know where he was. Guardian meetings were usually held in the Globe Room, but this place was decidedly not there.

He turned back to Curtis. "Uh, could you show me where to go, please?"

Curtis sighed, and started walking towards the closest set of stairs. Jack quickly moved to follow, despite the surge of indignation he felt at Curtis' clear exasperation. It wasn't his fault the entire order of the universe had unravelled overnight. Sheesh.

Curtis led him through a large set of double doors on the balcony, and then through two more cream-coloured hallways, before coming to a stop before yet another set of doors. Jack could hear indistinct talking from the other side. At Curtis' exaggerated gesture, Jack stepped forward and pushed the doors open.

It was a kitchen, though it clearly wasn't being used as one at that moment. Workbenches had been pushed up against the walls to make room for a long table in the centre of the room. The figures seated at the table all looked up at him as the doors swung open.

It was wrong. Utterly and completely wrong. North had been replaced by a Mall Santa. Bunny had turned into a sentient fursuit. Tooth was a literal adult human man with tiny wings. Sandy was unrecognisable except for the shared trait of being asleep. Mother Nature had apparently decided to join them after a complete face transplant. Cupid was there.

But the worst part, Jack decided, was that he recognised them.

"I'm in Hell," he declared into the silence of the room.

"You are not," Mall Santa rolled his eyes.

"But you are late," Mother Nature's questionably aligned twin added sternly. She gestured to an empty seat next to Mall Santa. There was a little nameplate that read 'Jack Frost' in front of it.

The fursuit twitched its nose.

"I need you to pretend to be a stuffed animal," Jack told it. "Please."

"Why?" the fursuit asked.

Jack wanted to die.

"Just sit down already!" Cupid called out. He had neglected his own chair and was hovering a good few feet above the table. Hypocrite.

Jack didn't want to sit down. He didn't want to get any closer. In fact, he really wanted to get as far away as physically possible. Like, maybe Pluto? It was cold there, right? But Mother Nature was giving him that look, and it still made him squirm even on a face that wasn't hers. Against his will, he inched closer to the table.

He didn't make it more than a few steps. Something else was wrong. Worse, even, if that was possible. He was no longer barefoot. He was wearing shoes. And frosted blue dress pants, and a suit jacket, and–

"Oh no."

His voice was wrong, too.

Jack darted over to a nearby workbench, snatching the glass mixing bowl sitting on top of it. He stared wide-eyed at his distorted reflection.

Martin Short's heavily make-upped face stared back.

Jack jolted, gasping as he choked on a scream. And suddenly he was no longer in the devil's kitchen. Through the horror racing through his chest, he noted that he was sitting down, leaning against something warm. He sat up stiffly, his heart pounding. The something, he realised, was North, who met his gaze with obvious concern.

"Are you alright, Jack?"

Jack gazed blankly around the room. Blessedly, he recognised it. He was on a couch, North on his left. Tooth was on his other side, a blanket draped over them both. Sandy was asleep in an armchair. Bunny was halfway there in his own. The TV in front of them was playing the credits of whatever movie they'd been watching. He must have fallen asleep. It was just a dream.

Jack flopped back against North's side, the tension draining from him completely as North's arm wrapped around his shoulders. Thank god.

"Yeah," he smiled. "Everything's perfect."

Guest Review Responses:

Sweets4lyfe: Sorry but I've run out of request slots :( There is a chapter that's pretty similar tho. Take a look at chapter 81 :)

PadawanMouse: I don't have any request slots left, but I do love North and Jack's dynamic, so I'm gonna try and include it as much as I can in the requests I already have (there's a taste for it in this one :))

Hanabi: I love Pitch. He deserves redemption, even if he actively tries not to be redeemed lmao Lleu is literally a force of nature. He's fun but he can be destructive sometimes too ^^;

Jayfeather34: Do you have a source for that? I know Joyce said her nickname was Flee. If it is true, I still would use Emma instead, because there's already a character in canon called Pippa and it's way too confusing having multiple characters in one story with the same name

Guest: Thank you!