Nothing ever goes as planned- chapter 3

AN: My god its been like what 2 and a half years since my last update? I'm starting to feel like a broken record honestly ️

So my goal is to finish this fic; so I have no clue how long it's gonna take (how many hiatuses for that matter) thank you so so much for those of you who have stuck with me through this adventure. I can only hope the time if anything else has really improved, I realise that most of you just pass the AN so just read this conveniently placed summary:

Sorry for the 2 1/2 year wait! Also, trigger warning for sexual abuse and self-deprecating thoughts.

Please enjoy and review :-)

EDIT

I just re-read this chapter and I wanted to formally apologies for the absolute clusterfuck of a seizure that it probably induced with how absolutelyBAD the english was so I am putting up this version which hopefully is a little easier to understand ;)

Tori's POV

I honestly cannot remember the last time I felt this happy and safe, and it's obvious people are noticing that I'm different as I'm sitting in Sikowitz's class if their looks of confusion is any indication.

"OKAY CLASS I NEED SOME VOLUNTEERS TO PORTRAY A PARTY SCENE THAT'S JUST FALLEN APART BECAUSE OF AN EARTHQUAKE!"

Uhh, his voice is as loud as ever, as he insists on 'portraying your voice' regardless of how small the actual room you are in is, I mean don't get me wrong he is a great teacher but he is so strange… For starters, the man never uses the door always jumping through the window as though he's some male incarnate of the black widow or someone as equally as flexible.

"ALRIGHT! IF YOU AIN'T GONNA VOLUNTEER THEN IM GONNA PICK SOMEONE!" I attempt to drown out the madman as my thoughts take over, how is it that I got so unbelievably lucky with beck? I mean my life literally never goes the way I want it to, and it hasn't since I was six when- No, I refuse to let my mind try to jump back into the same hole it has been in all my life, I am trying to build myself back into the person I know I'm capable of being, but I've lived with this mindset now for 11 years… Is it really that easy to break free of it? Was it really that easy to just move away from Trina and start my life and new?

No.

I realise this dejectedly, it won't be that easy, Trina knows what happened and she'll tell everyone, Cat, Andre, Jaide… Beck they can't find out, not ever. They'll realise what Trina- what I have realised. About myself long ago, I'm worthless and nothing but a bother. I think this delectably when the bell that indicates lunch rings, my stomach growls reminding me the only thing I ate, the only thing I'm allowed to eat had a one way ticket down the drain this morning.

I decided to just go behind the school for lunch knowing how peaceful it is there; and how none of the students actually go there for lunch. I just sit down and start thinking about all the situations that life has handed to me and how most of them are honestly just really shitty, I mean most of what I've gone through would drive any normal person insane, oh god I have a headache why can't I just be happy for the first time in my whole life? My eyes start to well up with tears as I rest my head in my hands and sobbed, I cried until my headache turned into a migraine and my eyes hurt from how much I was rubbing at them, I cried for who I could be, I cried for who I am, I cried because my life fucking sucked and I cried because of how fed up I am that Trina treats me so shitty when what happened was not my fault.

Suddenly I hear footsteps approaching and I quieten my sobs to silent tears hoping they'd just leave me alone, but like everything else in my life things never go as I plan, I feel warmth next to me indicating that someone sat down, the familiar cologne wrapping around me like a blanket, soon I feel his arms wrapped around me just as he sent did and I quickly bury my face into his neck.

"I'm not going to push you for details but just know that I am here and I'm ready to listen when you want to say something." There was nothing but worry and care in his voice, I don't talk. I can't. I can't tell him anything or she'll tell him exactly why it isn't worth it, why I'm not worth it.

I hear him sigh and kiss me on top of my head leaving the skin tingling and warm from that one innocent point of contact. After that we don't talk, we just enjoy each other's company in a comfortable silence. Eventually, the sounds of his steady breathing and heartbeat combined with the warmth from his body lulls me into what I hope will be a peaceful, happy sleep.

But if I've learnt anything from my time on this earth that things never go to plan.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

I wake with a start and look at around realising that I'm at home in my bed, shit I must've fallen asleep! but how did I get home? I jump out of bed when I remember Trina, shit I hope she's not too angry at me although who am I kidding? There'll be hell to pay, because there always is. I glance at my alarm clock and I realise it's around 3 AM, damn I must've been tired to have fallen asleep on Beck THEN continue sleeping til now 14 hours later. Damn I, should message him later to thank him for bringing me home. I was jerked out of my thoughts when I heard the door to my room break open I shut my eyes pretending to be asleep figuring (or rather hoping I suppose) that Trina would just go away but what I heard turned my blood to ice and made me snap my eyes open knowing that regardless of whether or not I was awake this would happen.

"Bug you are so very angelic when you sleep, you know that?" His voice was so slimy it left me feeling like there was creepy crawlies under my skin.

"Please, not tonight, why are you here I thought you'd left? Just leave me alone!" I was shocked to hear a much higher pitched voice come out of my mouth as I realised in horror that I would have to relive this nightmare. Again. It was always a different situation but basically the same story the same outcome but every dream was just me reliving another day of hell.

"Aww don't be mike that bug! I need help with a little problem and I just know how good you are at helping me aren't you the little bug?" I felt sick, like I was just gonna throw up any second now.

"PLEASE!" I SCREAM teetering on the edge of desperation, I don't want to do this again, see it again ironically though I know that nothing I can say will prevent it, it has never worked for me why would it now.

"Aww, bug no need to beg I'm already ready for you." squeezing my eyes shut as he climbs on top of me, it's taking everything in me not to openly sob. I have to be strong, I can't let him see how upset I really am. I'm shaking now as he starts undressing me, "you like this don't you, you little slut? You like taking my-" suddenly I hear my name, which confuses me. He has never called me by my name always 'bug', 'little bug' or 'slut' but never my first name.

"TORI! Common baby wake up! Your shaking! It's just a nightmare your okay, it's not real!" Oh it's Beck, he doesn't realise how wrong he is, it's very real. It may not be happening now, but it has before, and I relive it almost every night when I fall asleep. I slowly flutter open my eyes and immediately notice wild chocolate eyes, he's holding my face and wiping my cheeks with his thumb ridding me of tears that I am unaware had fallen.

"Its okay Tor, your safe it wasn't real." Nuzzling myself into his neck, I shook my head and before I could think too hard about what I shouldn't say I opened my mouth,

"But that's just it, it WAS real." I burst out in tears all the while Beck is holding me and rubbing soothing circles into my back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I pull back just enough to see his chocolate orbs teeming with care and worry, I feel my heart constrict within my chest, if he knew the truth all had look at me with is disgust. It was with that thought that I shook my head, guiltily avoiding his eyes averting them to my room. I am shocked to see a room that I don't recognize however, my eyes fall on a beautifully handmade wooden clock which states that it's 12.00am I geared myself up to ask the question that I knew the answer would throw me into a frenzy.

"Uh Beck, where are we?" I glance over to see him rubbing the back of his neck.

"We are at mine," at my horror-struck expression he jumps in "I'm sorry! I wasn't one hundred per cent sure on where you live, and I didn't want to wake you or disrupt class to ask Trina-" thank God for that, "-so I took you here, but don't worry! I was sleeping on the couch over there, I was reading when I heard you cry." I winced in realising how much of I mess I must seem right now. But suddenly I start to panic again for completely different reasons; what does Trina think I'm doing? I can only hope she went out for the night to her latest boy toy, but that doesn't stop my sudden panicked movements.

"Woah woah! Tor you need to calm down and take a breath." Nothing was where I wanted it to be! My phone? Nowhere in sight. My school bag? No clue where to even start looking but I can guarantee my phones probably in there.

"I HAVE to get hone, Trina is already gonna be SO mad at me!" I worry my lower lip between my teeth, searching with my eyes possible places my bag could be. Suddenly I feel warm gentle hands encase my own and another pair of lips covering mine taking over the job of nibbling my lip all too quick for me to respond.

"Don't worry about her tonight, she'll be just as annoyed at you tomorrow for keeping her out of the loop as she is tonight, go back to sleep Tor." A gentle smile making its way into his lips and for once I say to hell with the consequences, I don't want to have to deal with her any earlier then I have to, so I very much agreed with his sentiment, especial when I realised how absolutely exhausted I am once I crawled into his bed. I noticed delightfully that it smelled like him and the scent was seeping into my every pore making me more and more relaxed with every inhale. "Goodnight beautiful." He pecks me on the lips and goes to move back over to his couch but I catch his hand as he stands up, making him stop dead in his tracks and turn to give me a smile.

"Stay please?" this may very well be the last time I see him outside of school as Trina has complete free rein over all my home time. he smiles sadly as if reading my thoughts.

"Always." Carefully, so as not to crush me he climbs in next to me wrapping his arms around my middle as I rest my head on his chest, I could feel my eyes getting heavier by the second.

"Goodnight Beck."

"Goodnight beautiful."

Then blackness