Finn felt at all times that he was barely holding it together.

Every day, all day, he was just winging it. A new food? Sure, he'll try it. Some strange custom everyone knows about but him? Sure, he can play along. New friends who made spontaneous decisions and were constantly in trouble and seemed to get shot at all the time? Sure, it beats the First Order.

But this whole thing with relationships and holding hands and kissing and flirting? He had absolutely no idea what to do. None. Total blank.

So when he grabbed Rey's hand after they first met, he didn't know if that was normal or not but it seemed like what civilians do, right? The big strong man holds the pretty lady's hand as they get shot at and run away from TIE fighters together? Uh... maybe?

And when Rose kissed him on Crait, he thought, ok, maybe this is what friends do. They just kiss each other, like randomly, or when they almost die, or in the middle of a big battle when you're in the process of dying.

It took spending a lot of time in his room by himself after they all ran away to the new old base to finally think this stuff through. And, of course, the only person he felt he could talk to about it was Rey.

"So… how do you know when someone wants to, you know, date you? Or get married or whatever?"

"What?" she said as she scraped rust off a part. They were reviewing old manuals as they tried to do inventory. The base had warehouses full of old, falling-apart stuff, and Finn was amazed that the resistance was able to function at all. It was like ants trying to take down a bantha with toothpicks and rusty nails. Maybe that said more about the First Order than it did the rebels, though.

"I just don't get it. Like, at all," he continued as he handed her yet another rusted motor. "I mean, there's no dating or flirting in the First Order. People have sex and the superiors look the other way most of the time, but no one can get married or have kids, and no one talks about it. It's all 'don't ask and don't tell.' But out here -" he waves his hand around to the universe in general "- it's all very confusing."

"How should I know?" she said and grunted as she banged on the part with a hammer. That didn't seem to be the right tool, Finn thought, but what did he know? Not much, that was clear. "I spent my childhood alone in a rusting AT-AT. Most of the people I met wanted to steal from me or kill me or both. I don't know how it works."

"So you've never dated anyone?" he said, both curious and surprised.

"Not really." She finally put down the motor and wiped her hands on a rag. She looked up at him and paused to think. "I guess I had friends, but we weren't very close. Not like I am with you and Rose."

"Did you kiss them?"

"No, blech, most of them were like, 30 years older than me or another species."

"Well then you're not going to be very helpful," he said grumpily. But she just smiled at him with soft affection.

"What are you worried about? Are you interested in someone?"

Finn just shook his head all around and shrugged. "I have no idea. Maybe? I don't know. I mean, Rose kissed me, but it was kind of awkward and then she passed out. And I want to hold your hand all the time, but it's usually because I'm always worried about you" - Rey just smiled at him again like he was adorable "- and I think Poe is flirting with me constantly, but he seems to flirt with everyone so I don't know what that means. Like I said. Confusing."

Rey just shrugged and went back to cleaning the motor. "Maybe you should just go with it. Do what feels right. As long as the other person seems into it, it might be fun." She flashed him one of her trademark sunny smiles, and Finn couldn't help but smile back.

Ok, sure. He'll just go with it. Like with everything else in his life.

"You will never guess what happened to me last night."

Finn plopped down across from Rey in the mess hall, dropping his tray down with a clank to punctuate the statement. It was about a week after their conversation about relationships, and Chewbacca had managed to bring down one of the large, antlered indigenous herbivores that roamed the forests on Ajan Kloss. The entire base was enjoying the first red meat they've had in ages, and just the smell if it roasting in the hangar deck had brought everyone outside throughout the day. Now that Rey had come in from her afternoon training, Finn was taking the opportunity to eat his share.

"Um, Chewbacca taught you how to barbecue?" Rey said around a large bite of meat. She looked kinda blissed out, her cheeks puffed out on one side as she slowly chewed, and Finn couldn't help but chuckle.

"No, but that would be awesome."

"You found a new gyro stabilizer for the Falcon?" she said excitedly. It had been on her top ten wish list for the Falcon since returning from Luke's island.

"No, sorry."

"You named one of the porgs?" she said with a giggle.

"No," Finn said impatiently, and he started to bounce and wonder if they were going to do this all afternoon. She saw the look on his face and smiled around another big bite.

"Ok, tell me then."

"Poe came to my room in the middle of the night, wanting to talk. We drank some of those beers that I had been saving and then -" he dropped his voice down to a whisper and leaned across the table "- we fell asleep on the couch."

Rey did an exaggerated gasp and leaned forward. "Really? Do tell. Did you kiss?"

"What?" Finn sat back again. "No." And then he started to feel uncertain. "Should we have? Should I have kissed him?"

She shrugged. "Did you want to?" She took another bite.

He puffed out his cheeks as he breathed out a heavy sigh. "I don't know. It was kind of weird. Poe was all… insecure and fidgety. He tried to get out of it at first, like he was regretting knocking on my door, but then he eventually chilled out and we talked for a while. He said he's having trouble sleeping. I think he's feeling guilty. For making bad decisions or something."

Rey was pensive as she slowly chewed and swallowed. "Did you tell him you've been having trouble sleeping too?"

"Kind of, but we didn't really get into it."

"Well, it sounds like a good thing. Maybe you both should move in together, like me and Rose. It's kind of nice having someone else around."

Finn thought about it. In truth, he'd been thinking about it for a couple of weeks. He didn't like sleeping alone, had always shared a room with someone his entire life, and the person who came to mind every time was Poe. But there was something else there, a buzzy kind of energy that filled his belly whenever he thought about the idea, and he wasn't sure what to do with it. It was like feeling nervous, or excited, but neither of those were exactly right.

"And then," Rey continued, leaning forward conspiratorially, "if you did feel like kissing him, it sure would be a lot easier."

The bees in his belly buzzed to life again. Maybe, if he managed to summon the courage, he would talk to Poe about it tonight. If he stopped by again. Maybe he just needed to spend more time with Poe and this strange feeling inside him would eventually go away. He liked talking with him. He really liked it, and despite the nervous energy, Poe was an easy person to talk to.

Maybe they could work something out. Maybe some day they could spend every night together. That didn't sound like such a bad idea.

But that was before he realized that Poe Dameron was trying to kill him.

"Ugh, my eyeballs," he groaned and turned over in bed. That was a mistake, as everything swam. He swallowed heavily, his throat dry and thick.

"I think something died in my mouth," Poe said next to him, his voice an octave lower than usual.

Finn tried to open his eyes but they felt like they had sand in them. The room was lit from yellow light that came in around the curtains, and he realized it must be morning. He reached up to rub his face, but the movement made the room spin more. He swallowed again and realized he was going to be sick. He quickly rolled out of bed and made it into the small bathroom before throwing up a bunch of liquid into the toilet.

"Aw, buddy," Poe said from the other room as he sat up slowly in bed.

"This is all your fault," Finn said and spit into the toilet. He could feel his heart beating in his head. Pound, pound, pound.

"Hey, I didn't force you to drink two bottles of wine. You did that all on your own."

Poe reached over and grabbed a glass of water and two white pills that were sitting next to the bed - "oh that sweet, sweet girl" - and downed the pills. "Ok, maybe it's a little bit my fault," he said and then slowly stood, swayed a little, and stumbled over to Finn. He handed Finn a full glass of water and a couple of pills. "But here, take this. It will make you feel better," he said as he stood next to where Finn was kneeling on the floor. Finn took it, and the water settled his stomach somewhat.

"I've got to piss," Poe said and kneed Finn gently out of the way. Finn crawled to the middle of the room and lay face down on the rug.

"When will the room stop spinning?" he grumbled into the floor. Poe washed his hands and face in the sink and then walked over to Finn. He pulled off Finn's boots and socks and then did the same for himself and crawled back into bed, fully under the covers this time.

"You should come back to bed," he said as he rubbed his feet in the sheets and sighed. Finn crawled over to the bed and got in, lying on his back next to Poe. He closed his eyes as Poe reached over and grabbed his hand under the covers.

He liked holding Poe's hand. He'd found that since leaving the First Order, he really liked getting to touch people. Rey said that he was touch-starved, which seemed a little over-dramatic until he realized that all he wanted to do was hug, squeeze and hold his friends all the time. So maybe there was something to that.

And as he thought about the night before - what he could remember of it, anyway; the details were a little fuzzy - he realized he spent most of the night touching Poe as much as possible. At the table, on the dance floor, snuggled in bed afterwards. Right now he was too tired and his whole body hurt too much to have that funny-excited-nervous feeling that he got when he was around Poe these days. But last night it was in full force, especially when they were dancing. Good gracious. He had to drink wine just to keep from losing it altogether.

He wasn't sure if he liked that buzzy feeling in his chest, honestly. Sometimes it hurt.

"Why do you flirt with everyone all the time?" Finn asked, and then let out a breath in surprise at himself. Where did that come from? His brain was not working right. He didn't even realize he was thinking about it.

Poe turned his head to the side and then turned over to face Finn. He put his arm around Finn's chest and buried his face in his shoulder.

"I don't know. Because it's fun." They lay there in the quiet for a few moments before Poe plopped his head up on his hand and looked at Finn. Finn opened one eye and looked at Poe.

"Why?" Poe asked, his voice rough. "Does it bother you?"

Poe's hair was a mess. It was a lot curlier than Finn had realized, and after a night in bed, the ringlets were sticking up all over. His eyelids were at half mast and stubble had started coming in on his chin, and Poe was relaxed and soft and close and warm.

Ok, there was that buzzing in his chest again. Welcome back.

Finn closed his eyes and turned his head back straight onto the pillow. "Maybe. A little."

Poe didn't respond, and after a few moments he settled his head back down into Finn's shoulder and wrapped his arm around his chest again. He squeezed gently and Finn turned his head and buried his nose into Poe's curls, breathing deeply.

Ok, maybe Poe wasn't trying to kill him. But sometimes Finn wondered about the strength of his heart as it pounded in his chest like it did now, ever so slowly calming as they both breathed deeper, sinking heavy and relaxed into the bed.

He sighed and fell back asleep with the smell of Poe Dameron's hair filling his head.