They followed a trail between two tall white fences towards Senator Mothma's personal study, a large, round building sitting at the edge of the forest. Finn had dressed in the brown leather pants, sandy-colored shirt, and grey scarf that Poe had given him a few weeks earlier back at the base. Most of his clothes used to be Poe's, which everyone on the base seemed to know but no one seemed to care about. Finn figured out pretty quickly that it wasn't really normal to have someone give you all their clothes, but so much had gone on in the past several months that things like that just didn't seem very important to anyone any more.

But it was important to Finn. Finn cared about the clothes. He was very aware of what Poe was wearing at all times. Today Poe had on a soft, cream-colored shirt with the sleeves rolled up and his favorite canvas pants with a sturdy belt, and he had a scarf that was similar to Finn's. It was several shades darker, so it matched his hair.

Sometimes when they dressed similarly, Finn would imagine that they were brothers or partners, out on an adventure, going on secret missions with matching scarves, and it made Finn feel cool, like he was a flashy hero like the famous, dashing Poe Dameron. ("You are like Poe," Rose's voice comes out in his head; she even imaginary-punches him for good measure. "You're every inch the hero that he is.")

Once he wrote "Finn Dameron" in the back of one of the shirts, but then immediately scratched it out, leaving a black mark. Because even though in his mind, he was beginning to secretly call himself that, he figured that Poe had already given him one name, and it seemed unfair to make him give another. No one asked Finn his last name, anyway, so it never really came up.

These were the thoughts that slid around like loose canisters in his brain as they walked to Mon Mothma's study. He kept shaking his head like maybe they would slide back to where ever they came from, because he was having a hard time focusing. He kept looking over at Poe, and half the time he'd catch Poe looking back. It would have been funny if it didn't make his chest do such such strange things.

Stay focused - you can do this, Finn Dameron!

"You seem like you're feeling better," Poe said, pointing to his face. Finn realized he'd been smiling to himself. Finn looked up above him, at the huge, purplish clouds and the deep blue sky, and he spread his arms around to the grand blue forests and the tauntauns running around and tossing their heads. Then he looked to Poe and smiled. "It's a beautiful day, Poe. Even you can't be cranky on a day like this."

Poe snorted and launched himself at Finn, grabbing him around the neck and kissing the top of his head. Finn playfully pushed him away, but Poe grabbed his hand and pulled him next to him. The mood seemed to change almost instantly as Poe's face softened a little, and they continued up the trail hand in hand.

Finn couldn't keep up with the flips that were happening in his insides pretty constantly. Something had changed in the past day, and it was like he and Poe were hyper aware of each other, constantly looking over as they got ready, as they grabbed some breakfast, talked with Rose and Chewie, made plans for later in the day. Poe sat next to him on the couch, stood next to him in the kitchen, grabbed his hand under the table. He kind of wished they could just go back to bed and talk about …

What? Talk about what? What did they have to talk about? It felt like there was something there between them, as tangible as a physical object in the room, but Finn had no idea what it was, what to even call it, so how could they talk about it? He sighed and tried to focus on the task at hand.

They reached the senator's study, which turned out to be a large and beautiful building that was more like a temple. It had the same low walls and high, sloping, round roof as the other buildings, but it also had long, ornate wooden steps, stained glass windows, and a copper tiled roof with three copper moons rising from the top. The door had a blue glass window in the shape of a sun. Poe knocked, and a silver protocol droid opened the door and invited them in.

The senator was sitting in an egg-shaped, floating seat next to a long, padded bench on the opposite side of the open room. Book shelves lined the rounded walls to the left and the right, and a large half-circle desk sat to the left. A long, low window above the padded bench looked out into the forest.

Mon Mothma was watching a blue hologram image, and Poe and Finn stopped when they realized it was of General Organa.

"Please, come in," the senator said and turned off the image. She waved them over and patted the bench closest to her. "Please sit down. Would you like some tea?"

The droid brought them a tray with some hot, spiced tea, and they each took a cup. It was rich and aromatic and was unlike anything Finn had ever tasted.

"Thank you for coming to meet with me before going out today. I hear Simi is taking you to the mushroom forest this afternoon?" She looked specifically at Finn as she took a sip of her tea. Even after the wine and conversation from last night, Finn still felt very uncomfortable talking to the senator. He felt like he was an imposter, like he didn't belong here at her house, accepting her hospitality and talking about politics and strategy. He had no idea what to do with his hands or how to look at her, much less what to say. He often felt that way about Leia Organa too, but at least with her, they'd been in battle together. There was something about fighting alongside someone that made them easier to talk to.

He just nodded and looked at Poe nervously. Poe winked and squeezed his knee.

The senator then set her cup down and reached over to them, grabbing each of them by the hand. Her hands were soft and smooth, and the touch instantly made Finn forget about anything else he was thinking and focus entirely on Mon Mothma.

"I needed to talk with you both about General Organa," she said and squeezed their hands. "There is no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it. The general is dying."

Poe took in a sharp breath and sat back against the bench.

"What do you mean, she's dying?" he said, his voice alarmed.

Senator Mothma looked somber but steady. "Not right now. And maybe not for a while. But it's coming. My dear, the princess is strong in the force, but even that can't prevent her from growing old. She has been serving in the resistance for a very long time - has committed her life to the cause, sometimes even to the detriment of the people she loves. She's tired, and the last few months have taken a heavy toll on her. She's lost Han. She's lost Luke. She's lost her son. While she doesn't show it, and probably will continue not to show it until the very end, she is growing weak. She doesn't have much time, and she knows it."

Finn looked at Poe, and everything in him wanted to embrace his friend. Poe looked devastated, like he had never considered the fact that Leia Organa could grow old and die. Finn had been there when the command ship's bridge had been shot out out and Leia force-pulled herself back in, but everything was happening so fast that none of them - not even Poe - had really processed that Leia might have died. Then they moved on and were soon right back in the action.

"Poe, you have been with Leia for a long time. Your parents were with the rebellion, and she trusts you - even though you have made mistakes. She speaks very fondly of you, and she thinks you have the potential to be a great leader, if you can slow down enough to do it. Poe -" she pulled at his hand a little, speaking very slowly, as if maybe he wouldn't understand if she didn't, "- she needs you -"

And then she looked at Finn.

"- and you need him," she said and nodded at Finn.

It was Finn's turn to feel astonished. Why would Poe need Finn? I mean, yes, they're friends, but Poe has a lot of friends. He has people with more experience, more skills, more history. He has his squadron, especially Snap Wexley and Jessica Pava, and Rey is way more powerful than all of them. It didn't make sense. He looked at Poe to confirm that this didn't make sense, but instead, Poe just looked resigned, like he knew the senator was right but was having a hard time accepting it.

She pulled Finn and Poe's hands together and then wrapped her own fingers around them, holding them tightly.

"The resistance is hanging on by a thread, and you all are going to need to depend on each other. Absolutely. There's no time for competition or jealousy, no time for distrust. Your biggest asset is each other, and those bonds need to be as strong as they can be. Leia knows this, and it's one of the reasons she sent you to me. I can tell you things that she cannot. She knows that she is a beacon of light for the resistance, and if people knew she was dying, they would lose confidence in the fight. She can never talk with you about it and she will never admit it.

"But I am here to tell you that you must be strong for her and for everyone who struggles against the First Order. The two of you -" she looks at them both and squeezes their hands "- are her last hope."

Poe shook his head in denial.

"But what about Rey? Or … I don't know, Commander D'Acy or someone. There's got to be someone else."

"Rey has another destiny. Leia has seen it, and that is why she is training her in the ways of the force. No, there is no one else, Poe. When she dies, she plans on making you general."

Poe pulled his hands free and put his palms to his eyes. Finn reached up and squeezed the back of his neck, wanting to lean over and murmur his support, but he felt a little self-conscious in front of the senator.

"I'm sorry to be the bearer of such news, but you needed to know," the senator said softly. "Is there anything I can do for you, commander? I am here to support you however I can."

Poe suddenly shook his head and stood up, shaking off Finn's hand.

"Thank you for telling me, senator. I appreciate it. If you'll please excuse me," he said and went for the door.

Poe was having trouble seeing. It felt like his chest was going to implode, as the ever-present frustration and anger and anxiety began to overrun his system.

This had been a growing problem for weeks. He seemed to have very little control over his emotions, especially his temper, and he spent a fair amount of time in his room abusing things. BB-8 was safe, of course, he would never hurt his beloved droid, but she also knew to get out of the way and make herself scarce during these little episodes. It mostly happened at night when no one else was around, so he'd been able to keep it under control to a certain extent.

But the truth was, he was becoming completely and utterly consumed by it. By guilt, by fatigue, by loneliness, by this constant gnawing anxiety inside his chest, and it was beginning to eat him alive. This news about Leia just finally put him over the top.

"Hey, wait up," Finn called from behind him as Poe stomped down the trail toward the main house. But he didn't slow, didn't turn around, because he didn't want to talk to Finn. He had nothing to say to Finn.

"Poe, stop." He felt Finn's hand on his arm and he tried to shrug it off but Finn didn't let him. He pulled Poe to a stop and stood in front of him. "Talk to me." He put his hands on his hips and stood legs apart like he wasn't going to let Poe by unless he talked first.

"Dammit, Finn, what do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. Anything. We were just told that Leia is dying and she wants you to lead the resistance. You have nothing to say about that?"

"Oh, yeah, I've got a lot to say about that. Like, this is absurd. I'm not the right guy. I'll never be the right guy, and I've proven that over and over again. Holdo knew it, you know it, everyone else knows it too. Leia is just flat out wrong about this, and I'm going to tell her that when we get back. I can't do this. I won't do it!"

He was yelling, his fists clenched as he threw out his hands to the side. He felt like punching something. Or someone.

"Of course you can do this," Finn said, his voice irritatingly calm and steady. "You're Poe Dameron, resistance hero and the best pilot in the galaxy. You can do anything."

"Oh for fuck's sake, Finn, you've got to stop believing that bullshit!" He started pacing between the fences, feeling like a pent up animal himself. This was untenable, this lie that the resistance had been spreading that Poe was some sort of war hero. They never told the truth when they spread that fucking propaganda bullshit because if people knew the truth - that if you join the resistance, it's just a death sentence - people would never join up.

He approached one of the fences and punched it. The wood cracked and it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, but he didn't care. Poe just put his hands on the top of his head. The tears started to well in his eyes and he wiped at his face angrily.

"Are you done?" Finn said conversationally, his hands on his hips.

"Yes," Poe said and pushed his way past Finn. He continued down the trail, then walked past the main house and towards the cabins. He reached his hand for the door before he realized that he had gone straight for Finn's cabin as if it were his.

"What are you doing?" he said to himself and immediately turned towards the one behind, which had Poe's bag in it. He went through the door and tried to slam it behind him, but Finn was right there. Finn came through and shut the door.

"Ok, it's my turn," Finn said as Poe turned on him, ready to tell him to get out. Finn put hands back on his hips. "Number one, it's not bullshit, and you're going to need to figure that out. How long are you going to beat yourself up about all this? If you really thought that you're not the hero that people believe you are, then why are you still here? Why not just leave? I'll tell you why. It's because somewhere deep down, you know that you wouldn't leave your friends and that this is what you should be doing. You're here because you care, and you know that we need you."

Poe opened his mouth to object, but Finn cut him off with a pointed finger.

"Second, no one is dying right now, this very second, and we've got some time to figure this out. We've got time to learn what we need to and make sure the resistance is prepared. After the discussion we had last night, it sounds like we've got a lot of work to do but it's not hopeless. We've got allies all over the galaxy, and they've been working to help us. They'll continue to work to help us. They're just waiting for our signal, and then we'll take the fight back to the First Order."

Finn walked over to Poe and raised his hands. Poe flinched involuntarily, and Finn looked heartbroken for a moment but then rested his hands gently on Poe's shoulders.

"And finally, you're not alone," he said, his voice soft but his eyes determined. "I will be with you every step of the way. I'm not leaving, Poe, no matter what you say."

Something in Finn's voice and touch took all the steam right out of him. Poe's shoulders slumped, and he leaned into Finn a little. This was all too much. Between the news about Leia and his own deep self doubts - not to mention this growing connection with Finn, which needed to be dealt with sooner or later - he didn't know how he was still standing.

It's because Finn is holding me up, he realized suddenly, like a flash of light. Both literally and figuratively, Finn was right there, was always right there, no matter what Poe did or what he said.

"Why?" he said, looking in Finn's eyes, searching the warm depth there for answers. "Why do you stay?"

"Are you serious?" Finn said incredulously. "What is wrong with you?" And then he slid his hands to either side of Poe's face and kissed him. It was just soft enough, just long enough, just deep and firm enough to punctuate his point, to make sure that Poe was paying attention and understood that he was serious. But it wasn't long enough for Poe to react before Finn leaned back again.

"It's because I love you," he said and then pulled Poe into a strong hug.

Poe closed his eyes as his chest burst inside him. He buried his face into Finn's neck and embraced him back. He no longer cared if he cried in front of him, Poe was way past that, and he let the tears finally spill over while Finn held him, rocking him back and forth and telling him that it would be ok, they'll be ok, they'll figure it out. They stood there for a long time, Finn rubbing Poe's back and petting his hair. Poe's breathing began to slow and he felt like he could stand again.

Until Finn turned his head, planted a kiss on Poe's temple, and inhaled deeply, his nose buried in Poe's hair.

That's what did it. Something about that action, about the intimacy of it, about having Finn smell his hair like he had that morning as they lay in bed, went straight to Poe's gut. Suddenly, having Finn so close was going to be a problem for him very quickly, and he pulled back a little, allowing some space between them. He rested his head on Finn's shoulder and tried to get his breathing back under control.

Had it been anyone else in the universe, Poe would have had absolutely no problem with kissing him back, with pushing him up against the wall and seeing where it went. But this was Finn, and he had no idea what Finn meant by the kiss. It felt almost friendly, like maybe this was something he just did with his friends, but it was confusing. Because under any other circumstances, that was not just a friendly kiss. He didn't think he had the capacity at the moment to process all of that, however, so he pulled back.

"You ok?" Finn asked carefully as he pushed a curl off Poe's forehead. Poe swallowed and nodded.

"I'm… uh," he looked around the room and thought that he needed to pull himself together. They were supposed to be going out and spending time with their hosts, which seemed absurd at the moment. How was he expected to just carry on after all this? He shook his head. "I just need a few minutes. Let them know I'll be ready to go soon."

Finn looked unsure, and he stood there with his hands on Poe's arms for a few moments, looking at Poe's face. As the moment grew, Poe could feel his eyes grow slightly wider as he suddenly thought that maybe Finn was going to kiss him again. But instead, Finn just squeezed his shoulders and dropped his hands.

"Ok. I'll be outside." He gave Poe a warm smile and turned to leave. As the door opened, Poe called out to him.

"Finn?" When Finn turned around, Poe nodded at him. "You're a good friend. Thanks."

Finn didn't smile back. He took in a deep breath and almost looked sad for a moment, but then nodded and closed the door behind him. Poe covered his face with his hands and groaned.

He was pretty sure he wasn't going to make it through this day.