Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I only own Megan Black.

I wanted to tell him, so badly. What would he say? Would he even believe me? I doubted it but then if we were really supposed to getting over this, didn't he deserve to know the truth? I didn't want to cause trouble between him and his father. I knew that Billy still relied on Jake a little because of the wheelchair.

"Bella. Your worrying me a little, what's the matter?" He asked, placing a warm hand on my shoulder.

Was it worth it? Was Jake worth it? I didn't even have to waste my time thinking of the answer.

"Jake, there's something I have to tell you"

"What is it?" Jake asked curiously.

How do I say it out loud? I had thought about how I would tell him this for a long time. Now that I was standing in front of him ready to bare all, I was speechless. I literally couldn't get a word out. Not a single sound.

"Bella? Is everything okay?" He asked again, tracing circles on my upper arm with his thumb.

I must have looked ridiculous standing there with my mouth wide open.

"Uh…um…yeah…" I was cut off by a high pitched squeal coming from the doorway behind me.

Jakes eyes snapped up in the direction that the irritating squeal had come from.

"Jacob!"

Oh. Fuck. My. Life.

"Hey Meg" he muttered, forcing a smile.

I slipped a ten dollar bill over the bar and walked back to the table with my beer.

"You wanna go home Bella?" Embry asked me, looking concerned.

"Nah, its okay. I have to deal with it sooner or later, right?" I replied, taking a large gulp of my beer.

"You sure? There's another bar a couple of blocks away…"

"Honestly Em, its fine. Besides, I have you guys to keep my mind off of them right?" I forced out a smile.

Embry nodded and continued to talk with Quil.

Thankfully I didn't have the time to feel awkward as Rose took her seat back at the table. She noticed my mood immediately and placed a soothing hand on my thigh.

"What's the matter honey?" Rose asked me.

I didn't utter a word. Just nodded towards the happy couple at the bar. I watched her as her eyes glanced in their direction. Her eyes widened and I knew that she understood.

"Oh Bella…." She whispered.

I couldn't bring myself to look up at them, afraid that if I did my heart would shatter for the millionth time.

"How dare he bring her here?" Rose screeched.

Embry's head shot around to us. He'd been whispering with Jared for a few minutes now. A little too suspiciously if you ask me.

"Bella, do you wanna take a walk outside?" He asked me.

"Um…Okay?" I replied, clearly confused at the offer.

"Don't worry! Its not a come on, I just think there's some things you need to know. Things that you wont get told unless I spill…" He trailed off, hoping I'd catch his drift.

"Oh, right yeah. Rosie, will you be okay here with Jared for a minute?" I asked her.

"Yeah sure. We can get to know each other a little better" She replied, giving me a wink.

I rolled my eyes and stood up from my chair.

"Lead the way" I told Embry.

We walked straight past Jake and Megan, straight out of the door. I didn't look back to see if he noticed. The thought of them in each others arms made my skin crawl already, I didn't need a visual to go with it.

Embry and I walked a few feet before taking a seat on a wooden bench next to the roadside. We sat in silence for a moment before he spoke.

"I'm sorry that you had to come back to this Bella" He told me apologetically.

"Don't be silly Embry, none of this is your fault"

"I wouldn't be so sure of that Bella…" He muttered.

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

"I don't even know where to start Bella"

"Well, please try. I have no idea what your talking about and your starting to confuse me" I told him, getting agitated.

"Okay, here goes. Bella, Megan's father owns our garage. He offered to pay our mortgage off when Jake started dating Megan" He half explained.

"Okay, but I don't see what this has to do with anything…" I urged.

"I really shouldn't be telling you this…."

"Telling her what Embry?"

What was it with him and creeping up on me unexpected? It was infuriating, but god did it make me want him even more. If that was possible.

"Nothing man, we were just getting some air that's all" he told him, making excuses.

"I'd like to talk to Bella if that's okay. Could you do me a favour and keep Megan busy in the bar? I'll owe you one" Jake pleaded with him.

Embry sighed and nodded his head. He whispered something into Jakes ear that I couldn't quite hear before making his way back into the bar.

"I didn't know she was going to be here tonight" he told me gently.

"Whatever. She's your wife, right? I don't blame her for wanting to be around you" I huffed.

God, I sounded like a snotty teenager again but he definitely deserved it. I felt him sit down next to me as I stared down at my now dirty Louboutins. It would take a lot of effort to get the dirt off of them. Or maybe I could just buy some new ones. Not that they'd have a store in Port Angeles that sold them….

"Bella?" He nudged, snapping me out of my haze.

"Yeah"

"I know you don't believe me but I really am sorry. I need to tell you a few things about my marriage with Megan" He told me.

"I don't mean to sound harsh Jake but I really don't need to know details" I replied, silently praying that he wouldn't divulge.

"Bella, I really think you need to here this. Maybe then you'll understand"

"Just tell me and then let me go Jake. I need you to let me go" I begged.

He took hold of my hands and brought them up to his chest, staring me straight in the eye.

"There are things that you don't know Bells. You have no idea how much I wanted to wait for you, but I couldn't. Things happened that changed my path completely" He told me.

Now I was intrigued. I nodded, urging him to continue.

"I got Megan pregnant" he mumbled under his breath, probably hoping that I wouldn't hear him.

How many times was my heart going to break on this trip? I might as well jump off of a cliff now and get it over with.

"You….have a child?" I whimpered.

He let out a deep breath before continuing.

"No, she lost the baby when she was in her third trimester" he replied, looking solemn.

All of my angst melted away and I had the sudden urge to just be there for my best friend. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and squeezed him tightly.

"Its fine Bella, I'm fine" He assured me.

"So, then you got married?" I asked him, still not able to piece things together.

"No, we married a couple of months after we found out she was pregnant. Its an unwritten rule for Quileute's that if you get a girl pregnant, you marry her" He sighed heavily.

"Oh"

That was all I could say. What else was there?

There were so many questions floating around in my head. Did that mean he didn't love her? Was he forced into marriage? Why was he still with her?

"I fooled myself into believing that I loved her and I guess after we lost the baby, I started to. I couldn't bring myself to break her heart again. She was a wreck for months afterwards, so I just carried on with life. I tried to block you out as hard as that is for you to hear, but I couldn't do it. I busied myself with the business and tried to just get along…." He trailed off to take a deep breath.

"Go on…" I urged.

"Then I saw you on the television. Our sex life wavered after the miscarriage and I thought about trying porn. Megan wasn't really into it but I convinced her to give it a chance. So there we were, dialling in the credit card details. Everything was fine until…Until you appeared on the screen" He muttered.

I knew exactly what he was talking about. When I had done my second shoot for Playboy, they had filmed the footage of the pictorial for Playboy TV. I remembered the candid conversations I had engaged in with the director and photographer. They weren't by any means trashy, but they did divulge information about the people in my life.

"I'm sorry you had to see that" I whispered.

"Don't apologise, its not your fault. Megan wasn't into it at all thankfully, but I paused the show and continued watching it after she'd fallen asleep. I know that was awful of me but I couldn't believe that you were there on my TV screen" he explained.

I nodded, dumbfounded.

"So, the stuff you said in that tape. You were pretty open" He nudged.

"Yeah…"

That was all I could say. Just knowing that he had seen that footage embarrassed me. I really didn't want to have to talk about it too.

"Sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable" he said.

"No its fine, I guess I just didn't expect anybody I knew to see that. Pretty stupid considering that channel's available all over America" I giggled nervously.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of Bella. I should have supported you" He told me.

I was a little taken aback by his admission. Jake had been furious when I left.

"Its all in the past. There's nothing we can do about it now, right?"

He just shrugged and stared down at the pavement beneath us.

Did that mean that there was something we could do about it? God, this was the biggest head fuck I had ever received in my entire existence. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why did we have to grow up?

"You love her now though, right?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes" he whispered.

I felt tears stinging my ears, but I would not let them fall.

"Well, I had better go get Rosalie. I really should be going home, its been a long day" I excused, jumping up to my feet.

"Bella…" He started, standing up.

I put my hands out in front of me defensively. Emotionally not physically.

"Please Jake. Its a lot to take in, at least give me time to process it" I begged.

He sighed in disagreement, but nodded all the same.

"Can I see you again?" He asked me.

"Of course. Ill come by the shop one day" I offered, with a small smile.

"That would be great, I'd love for you to see it"

The question was, how many times would I be able to tolerate the company of Jacob Black before tearing his clothes off?

Rosalie didn't come home that night. Instead, I received a text message at around four am telling me that she was staying the night at Jared's. I couldn't help but smile and be jealous at the same time. I wanted the closeness that she would be sharing with him. Was I really right to save myself for Jake after all this time? My virginity was special to me and I hadn't been prepared to give it to just anybody.

The question was though, was it time to think about giving it to somebody else? Jake and I had sworn to each other that we would lose it together and he broke that promise. Not that I can blame him, he was stunning and it had only been a matter of time before somebody snatched him up. I guess I had just never welcomed the thought of doing it with anybody else.

I had proved to myself that I could live without Jake but could I move on from him? Did I want to?

That same question had been swirling around my mind for a little over three years now and I never had the courage to come up with an answer.

Yes, he was married. Yes, she was perfect. But did he still love me? I could see it in his eyes. He was right, it wasn't over and it never would be. We were two spirits that were just meant to be.

I needed to talk with him. I needed answers. Proper answers about us. I needed to find out if I was wasting my time. I needed to find out if he would ever leave her. It was bold and I knew it, but it had to be done. If the answer was no, then I would do my best to move on. If the answer was yes, well I'd just have to go with it.

The feisty side of Bella Swan was telling me to fight dirty but the caring side of Bella Swan couldn't do it that way.

I would be myself and if that wasn't good enough…

Well if that was the case he didn't deserve me anyway.

The next morning I woke up to the smell of fresh bacon and eggs. It filled my nostrils and was more than enough of an insentive to get up out of bed. I slipped on my black silk dressing gown and made my way downstairs.

"Good morning Bella, how did you sleep?" Sue asked me, cracking open some more eggs into the frying pan.

"Very well thank you. I'm sorry I left your reception early yesterday, I was a little shocked" I apologised.

"Oh honey, don't you worry about that. I knew that we should have mentioned it, Charlie and I felt awful" She replied, shooting me a sympathetic glance.

"Thank you for understanding" I muttered as I took a seat at the table.

"By the way, Rosalie is a lovely girl" Sue smiled.

"You met her, huh? I hope its okay that she's staying here"

"Of course Bella, its fine. Charlie and I are going away for the weekend anyway. You'll need somebody to keep you company"

Her kindness never ceased to amaze me. My father was a very lucky man.

We ate breakfast together and chatted about the wedding the day before. Sue had informed me that Rose had headed out early to a job she had on in Seattle. Sue told me that she would be back by six.

After breakfast, I excused myself and took a shower. I spent a good half an hour standing beneath the piping hot water. I would need to contribute something towards the water bill.

The rest of the day passed by in a flash. Partially because I had taken a rather large nap in the afternoon. The kind of nap that would probably prevent me from sleeping that night, but what the hell? I needed it after the previous nights antics.

I had tried to process all of the information that Jake had given me but it just wasn't going in. I was angry that he had practically been pushed into marriage with Megan. I was sad for both of them for their loss. Most of all, I was curious as to whether he actually wanted to be with her or not.

He had told me that he had grown to love her, but how much?

There was loving somebody and then there was being in love with somebody. So which one was it? I knew that a big part of me had no right to even ask, but that other tiny part just wouldn't stop niggling away at me.

Was there a chance that Jake and I could be together again? I still had to tell him about Billy but I had decided that I would wait. I didn't want to cause more trouble than I already had. Megan was bound to have her suspicions. If she didn't then she was surely missing a few brain cells.

It was my god given right to hate the woman. I knew that in all sensibility I wasn't being fair, but when did being fair ever work out for anyone? It certainly hadn't for me.

I left all I knew, all I loved. All because one pathetic little man didn't want his son to be with a white girl. Looking back on it now, I see how weak I was to walk away. At the time I thought I was doing Jake a favour, but now it seems that I may have caused hell for him. If I hadn't left, he would have never met Megan. She never would have fallen pregnant. They never would have been married.

That could have been Jake and I. We could have been married. I could have been pregnant with his child.

Maybe all we ever needed was to have a taste of life without each other. Maybe that's what we both needed to realise that we were meant to be.

Just a simple touch from him sent my body into a frenzy. The kiss we had shared had set my body on fire. Nobody had EVER kissed me like that. Of course nobody had kissed me since Jake, but even he hadn't been that passionate before.

It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness, it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.

How did I do? Any good?

Thank you all for reading. You are the reason I write!

The last line of this chapter is borrowed from Christian Nevell Bovee.

Please review and let me know your thoughts.

Thank you for reading