"Hi, I'm Piper Chapman. Best known for being on the New York Times' best seller list twice, and I'm here to read your thirst tweets."
Piper stops the video, turning her body sideways so that her head is resting in Alex's neck, hiding her embarrassment.
"No - we need to keep watching," Alex points out, wrestling with the blonde's hand to get to the computer.
"I don't want to watch."
"Come on, Pipes," the brunette says, finally managing to read the touch pad.
The video shows the blonde pulling out a piece of paper, clearing her voice before she reads it out.
"I know she's no plumber, but Piper can fix my pipes anytime," the blonde chuckles at what she reads before selecting a second piece of paper.
"If Piper Chapman's fingers work as quickly as they do when writing, then there's hope for us all," she pauses, eyes widening as she looks into the camera lens. "Okay then."
Picking out another one, she begins reading, immediately regretting what she had picked out.
"The fact that Piper Chapman's fucking a woman that's just as hot as her is a blessing in itself #Vauseman #powercouple."
Hesitating as to how she should respond, the blonde's eyebrows rise in shock at the sort of things people write on social media about herself and Alex.
"Interesting. Nice to know," is all she says before throwing the piece of paper to the side dramatically.
"Piper Chapman could run me over with a bus and I'd still thank her," the blonde reads, laughing uncontrollably at the statement. "That's… imaginative," she adds, having finished laughing.
"Last one," she voices, taking out the last piece of paper from the bowl.
"Piper Chapman's jawline is stronger than my future," she reads, smiling infectiously at what she had read.
"Well I guess that's me staying off Twitter for a while… and off the road," she concludes, laughing while the video comes to an end.
"Let's read the comments," Alex chuckles, having found the blonde in the video very entertaining.
"No," Piper shouts, practically rugby tackling the taller woman down onto the sofa, causing them both to laugh at the position they had found themselves in.
""Hey there," the brunette says, placing her hands on the blonde's waist.
"Hey," the blonde smiles, leaning down to connect their lips.
"Shouldn't you be getting ready, Miss Chapman?" Alex mumbles between kisses.
"Just about to," Piper admits, leaning back to straddle the older woman's stomach while taking off her tank top, leaving her in just a bra.
"What're you doing?" the brunette asks, placing her hands on the blonde's exposed abdominal muscles.
"Getting changed," she winks, removing herself all while knowing the effect she holds on the older woman.
"You know, all of those people are really missing out on commenting about you ass because… woo," the brunette admits, joking around at the fact that the blonde had even agreed to take part in a video like that, as well as the fact that she had finally managed to make the blonde watch it despite the video's release 2 days before.
"Funny."
"If Piper Chapman were a roller-coaster, I'd still ride her," Alex imitates, laughing when the blonde leaves the room looking embarrassed.
It had been a month since Alex had ended her relationship with Sylvie, and in the meantime, the pair were taking it slow. They'd been on several dates throughout the time period, and in doing so, they managed to keep a low profile in the media although a few inevitable pictures of the pair together had surfaced. It was easier now that the brunette was renting her own living space; switching between staying in hotels, over at Nicky's and at Piper's wasn't particularly easy.
The pair were going out for dinner before they were departing the next day on Alex's bachelorette party - well, the surprise one Nicky had already planned and paid for in advance and was refusing the idea of not going despite Alex's separation.
They'd chosen a low-key location where they have both been before, and despite the fact that they weren't making any further public comments about their budding relationship, the pair knew that travelling together the following day would bring a new flow of media coverage and speculation.
Sitting in the quaint restaurant, the pair discuss everything from wine choices to Piper's up-and-coming book release, along with the brunette asking several questions about what Nicky had in store for the group of 6 other people she had invited on the trip, considering the blonde was asked to help with the occasion.
"I'm not telling you where we're going, Al," Piper chuckles, amused at Alex's persistence and the image of her mouth fighting with a piece of spaghetti.
"Not even a little clue? Tell me the continent at least."
"Stop being a baby," the blonde adds, not knowing how much longer she can withhold the information from the older woman.
"Make me," Alex probes, not expecting the response she receives because as she was about to smile in feeling as though she had won their little game, the brunette feels a foot running up the leg of her skinny jeans, resting by her inner thigh.
"You got anything else to say, Alex?" the blonde asks, pleased with how such a bold move was working in her favour.
"Fuck, Pipes," is all the older woman voices, shuffling back in her seat so she doesn't get too attached to the contact.
"What? Here? I don't think that'll go down too well."
"That's not what I meant."
"I know. I'm kidding. That'll be for my eyes only," Piper whispers, raking her eyes over the taller woman's upper body.
The pair were yet to still have sex. Their intimate life hadn't really taken off as of recent - mostly due to the fear of the paparazzi somehow catching them in the act and then catalysing a ridiculous public meltdown. They'd been close on occasion, but the pair insisted on going on dates and finding out how they would get around being together romantically as well as working together closely on a frequent basis.
"What're you doing now?" Alex asks as they walk down the pavement and towards where she had parked her car.
"Linking my arm with yours. Is that a problem?"
"You. It's all good with me," the brunette smiles, not being able to wait for the week off work she's about to experience.
It's 2:30 am and the sound of Alex's alarm is ringing throughout the blonde's bedroom.
From where her head is placed on the taller woman's stomach, Piper lets out a groan.
"Al - turn it off."
"Hmm," the brunette sleepily mumbles, leaning over to turn off the alarm. "Can't we just skip? It's not like it's an actual bachelorette holiday anyway."
"No, we can't. Nicky - your best friend - has put a lot of effort into this, so we're going."
"But I'm too comfy," Alex strops, turning over so that she's now pinning the blonde down onto the mattress.
"Considering our car's coming in an hour, you don't have time to be cosy, Alex," Piper laughs as she finally manages to get out of the taller woman's strong hold.
"What's in it for me?"
"A week away with your friends and I. I can't even begin to imagine how amazing it's gonna be to not have cameras spying on us all the time."
"Oh so we're going somewhere where you're not well known?"
"I didn't say that," Piper blushes, moving about the room so to not get sucked into the brunette's game, especially when the t-shirt she had worn to bed had ridden up her stomach. "Now you better be out of that bed by the time i'm out the bathroom," she adds, closing the door.
"Yes ma'am."
"Just ignore them," Piper voices as they get out of the hired car upon their arrival at the airport, knowing that Alex is anxious about what sort of things could be written about the fact that they're travelling together.
"That's kinda fucking hard, Pipes, when it feels like every other person is staring at us," the brunette whisper-shouts, watching the blonde get her phone out and then have to turn up her brightness due to wearing a pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses over her eyes.
"Let's just get through security and meet Nicky on the other side."
"We're not meeting her here?" Alex asks, finding the plan rather strange.
"I thought we were, but she text me saying they'll be about 20 minutes and they don't want us to have to wait out here."
"How nice of them," the older woman adds sarcastically.
"Can you stop being an asshole. I know it's the morning, but I'm not gonna be able to tolerate you when you're being like this for much longer," Piper says, walking towards the self check-in with her suitcase in tow.
"Sorry, Mom."
"Don't call me that," the blonde scalds.
"What? Not into that?" Alex chuckles, knowing that she's pushing her limit, and in receiving the dirty look she did from the blonde, she knows it's time for her to shut up and comply.
"Isn't that Piper Chapman?" Alex hears a voice from a couple of check-in stations away, yet not wanting to look.
Like the blonde, she was wearing a pair of sunglasses and a baseball cap; if it weren't for their equally ridiculous heights, they probably wouldn't ever be recognised together.
"Pipes-" Alex whispers, wanting the blonde to hurry up.
"Just a sec," she replies, focusing on the digital screen in front of her before turning. "What were you saying?"
Knowing that the blonde will only tell her to calm down - something she knows she needs to really do, Alex chooses to avoid the subject at hand, realising that if Piper - arguably the most paranoid she knows - isn't bothered by people recognising them, she shouldn't feel that way either.
"Don't worry. You've done it now," Alex smiles, thankful that her sunglasses blocked the brief flash of panic that crossed over her eyes.
From that point onwards, the brunette felt much more at ease; getting through security happened without any problems, and upon reaching the duty-free section, Piper had only been stopped once to have her picture taken.
"Where the fuck is Nicky and the others?" Piper asks from where they're seated at a table in a bar - a place in which Nicky instructed them to wait and get breakfast if she or any of the others hadn't arrived on time.
"I don't know. She said she'd be here," Alex responds, taking a sip of the cocktail she had ordered. "This is why I never liked travelling with her. She's always late to fucking everything."
"Yeah, but how is no one else here? Some of our other friends are coming too."
"I have no idea, Pipes. As long as we're all here on time with our tickets, it'll be fine."
Piper had tried her best to keep where they were going a secret; forcing the brunette to not eye the contents of her boarding pass nor admit which gate they would have to go to. However, her real problem was the fact that everything on the other end was done by Nicky; Piper knew some of the ideas she had planned out, but had no idea as to what hotel they were staying at and how they were going to get there once they landed.
"Party for Vause?" a waitress says in question while holding up a bottle of champagne on a tray.
"Going for the hard stuff already, Al," Piper laughs, not realising her counterpart had made that order.
"I didn't. Sorry, but I didn't order that," Alex politely mentions, not wanting to be charged for - what clearly looked like - an expensive bottle of drink.
"Oh, no, it's on us. Consider it a wedding gift," the woman adds, placing the bottle - along with an envelope - on the table before leaving.
Looking up at one another, the pair are equally as confused.
Grabbing the envelope, Alex proceeds to examine the writing on the front, and in seeing the all familiar scribbled writing displaying: 'Vause', she immediately knows who it's from. She looks around from where she's seated - almost as though trying to find the culprit, and in doing so, Piper eyes her as though she's going crazy.
"What's wrong?"
"This is from Nicky. It's her handwriting."
"Open it then," Piper prompts, leaning forward as Alex turns sideways so that they can both assess the envelope's contents at the same time.
Peeling back the stuck down edge, the brunette pulls back a white piece of folded up paper, which, after being opened, reads:
'Hey you guys!
Hopefully this has reached you. If not, then someone fucked up along the line.
To tell you the truth, Lorna and I won't be joining you and neither will any of the others.
You can thank me later.
Love,
Nicky.
PS: make sure the envelope is completely empty.'
The message - Alex notes, is surprisingly pleasant even coming from her best friend, and upon realising what the message was alluding to, the pair look back up at one another, stunned by what the wild-haired woman had done.
Piper's hands grab the envelope and she pulls out two more smaller pieces of paper.
"Are those-" Alex begins, but the blonde beats her to it.
"Tickets for the two of us? Yeah."
"Fuck," the brunette pauses, feeling momentarily overwhelmed by the efforts of her best friend. "Where to?"
"St Lucia," the blonde voices stoically, obviously in a state of shock. "How the fuck is she affording all of this?"
"She does own a publishing firm," Alex sits back in her chair, looking over at the blonde opposite her in amazement. "I don't know what to do."
"Is this even allowed? We checked-in with different tickets."
"I have no idea, Pipes," the brunette chuckles.
After both eventually overcoming their moment of shock, both parties give one another toothy smiles, beginning to realise the window of opportunity Nicky's spontaneity had opened for them.