Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters.

Trigger warning: Sensitive content involving stillbirth. A heartbreaking subject that I've tried to be sensitive to. I hope it doesn't offend or upset.

This chapter will be from Jacobs POV. Enjoy!

As I watched her drive away, the all to familiar feeling crept back in. I'd watched her go once before and it had taken her all these years to come back to me. For years I'd accepted the fact that she'd moved on. She'd moved away and found love with someone else. Someone with way more to give her than I ever could. I hadn't expected her to come home and tell me that I was the only one. It knocked me for six, truthfully. To know that I'd lost myself when she'd gone. The things I'd done to try and forget her. The drink, the women. All of it.

When I met Megan, I wasn't ready for anything serious. I didn't think I ever would be. At first, we were just friends. It felt good to have someone to talk to again. It inevitably ended up with us getting closer. I thought with my crotch, not my brain. I hadn't wanted to get involved with her in fear of hurting her. I knew I would. Bella was always there. Not even at the back of my mind. Just there. When I closed my eyes, I could see her perfect face. I had fantasised about having her perfect body pressed against mine.

Her body was always a 10, but I have to admit, when I saw her standing there in Charlies kitchen that night after all this time, it took my breath away. She had changed so much, but she was still the same Bells.

My Bells.

Whenever I'd seen her in one of those magazines, my head was torn between rage and lust. Knowing that I would never be the only one to see that gorgeous body twisted like a knife. But after a year or so, I'd accepted it. It embarrassed me to admit that I used to buy every single one. Pleasuring myself over the images of her splayed out across the pages. I always felt the shame afterwards. When I found out Megan was pregnant, I was happy. I can't lie about that. Yeah, there was a part of me that felt like the dream of Bells coming back and realising she didn't want to live her life without me in it was dead in the water. The men in our community always stepped up to the plate when it came to their children. It was an unwritten rule of our society. We treated our women with respect and loyalty. It was my dad who had pushed for marriage. He wanted the baby to have my family name. So, it was decided, Megan and I would marry at a small traditional ceremony, just close family and friends. The whole day was a blur. I remember watching her walk down the aisle. A delicate, lace veil covering her face. I couldn't help but let the thought of Bells creep into my mind. It had always been her face that I'd seen whenever I'd thought of marriage. It was supposed to be us. But I loved Megan for bringing me back from the brink. Her dad had put up the money for us to buy the garage and I'd thrown myself into making it a success.

When we found out that we were expecting a boy, pride seeped from every pore. I wanted my son to have the best I could give him. Love, support, financial stability and a loving home to grow up in. For a few months, I'd actually convinced myself that everything was going to be fine. My feelings for Megan grew during her pregnancy. I'd found a new respect for her that I hadn't had before. The sexual attraction I felt towards her soared. The nights I'd spend caressing my hands all over her body, in awe of her swollen breasts and belly. I can't deny it, we were happy.

I'll never forget when we lost him. The panicked phone call from Paul. He'd found her on the kitchen floor, crying and bleeding. Sitting in the hospital with her while she birthed our boy, knowing that we would never see the colour of his eyes, feel the warmth of his skin or hear his little hear beat. It broke us.

We had named him Noah Black. The time we spent with his tiny form will stay with me forever. I helped Megan as we wiped his beautiful, russet face clean and dressed him in a tiny white Babygro. The three of us lay there on the hospital bed silently, drinking in the feel of being a family while we could. I kissed away her tears as her heart shattered.

The guys were amazing. They took care of everything at the garage while Megan and I mourned the loss of our future. I would drink myself into a stupor most nights and she would sit in the rocking chair on the porch, just staring at nothing. I would disappear for days at a time, sleeping in my truck as I went from town to town looking for something to make me feel again. I was an asshole. There was no doubt about it. The guilt I felt from leaving Megan when she needed me most ate me up.

It was like we'd lost the one thing holding us together and now there was nothing. I knew it and she knew it. But for her there was always hope that it would all be okay. I already knew different.

Bella was back in my thoughts when I'd seen that interview on the tv that night. Hearing her soft voice and the sound of her laugh breathed life into me that knocked me for six.

And then she came back. Smelling her scent that night in the kitchen, feeling the hairs on her arms stand to attention when I ran my fingers across her skin told me that it was still there for her. I had waited for years to be buried inside her. And I knew she craved it too. Finding out she was still pure and whole surprised the hell out of me but made me want to take her in every which way possible. That night in Seattle, we let ourselves go. We gave in to all feelings and abandoned any thought other than that of each other. Our naked bodies tangled together, glistening with sweat. I had waited for so long to show her how good I could make her feel. Finally getting to fulfil my fantasy drove me to want more and more.

I loved her and I always would. There was no comparison. She had always had my heart.

And when she confessed all about Billy, I wanted to put him through a wall. Knowing that he had been the reason for all the pain, I just wanted to make him feel some of it himself. I fought with myself over what to do. Confronting him this afternoon in my childhood home, I didn't even recognise him as he cruelly admitted that everything she'd said was true. I couldn't believe that my father, Billy Black, was almost proud of the trouble he'd caused. When I'd told him that I planned to leave Megan, he was furious but not at all surprised.

"You, Jacob Black, are no son of mine if you leave a wholesome quillete woman for that girl. We've all seen her Jacob. Doesn't that bother you? She should feel ashamed of herself for the trouble she's caused coming back here after all this time. Now that everyone's finally moved on…"

"I haven't moved on! Not even close! She was it for me, Dad!" I shouted, cutting him off.

"And what about your wife, Jacob? The pain she went through when she lost my grandson and you're just going to leave her over a week long fling!" He replied sharply.

"It's not a fling and you know it. That's why you're so angry. Everything you've orchestrated over the years is ruined, isn't it? Because she's back and she wants me. And my god, I want her too. I'm ending things with Megan Dad, and nothing is going to change my mind!" I told him before walking out, taking the front door off its hinges with how hard I slammed it shut behind me.

If I hadn't of left when I did, I knew I'd end up doing something I couldn't forgive myself for.

I had made my decision, Bella was what I wanted and if I didn't do something about it soon, I would lose her all over again. Only this time I'd be left with the torture of knowing just how good it could be when we were together.

Of all the girls in all the years, nothing had ever come close to the feeling I had when she was wrapped around me. Since she'd been back, the nights I'd spent locked away in the bathroom, desperately tugging myself back and forth in the piping hot shower, imagining what her beautiful face would look like as it bobbed up and down on my hard cock. What her tongue would feel like running up and down the length of me. Knowing what her sweet flesh tasted like was enough to make me want to eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Hell, I'd take a midnight snack too. The memory of her hips bucking up at me that day in the forest, how tight she felt as I took her on the forest floor. I was hooked.

Telling Megan that I was leaving would undoubtedly hurt her, but either way she was going to get hurt and I knew that. My feelings for Bella were stronger than they'd ever been. Nothing would ever come close. Not now that I knew how it felt to be with her.

I would do it tonight. I would tell her everything. And she would hate me.

But I would finally be free to admit what I'd known all along.

Bella Swan was the medicine I needed to bring me back to life, and I'd be damned if I'd let her go twice.