Warning: This is a darker one and contains suicidal ideations and character death. If this bothers you DO NOT READ.

Grief can be one of the most overwhelming sensations a person can experience. It takes years to make it through all 5 stages and sometimes, people don't make it past the first few. Losing someone close wasn't something Rachel thought she'd have to go through so soon but life doesn't work that way. It's been 3 months, 12 days and 17 minutes since Rachel lost the love of her life at the hands of a psychopath.

Santana was only supposed to be going back home to Lima to visit her mother. Nothing about the day seemed odd. Rachel had gone to the bus station with Santana to send her off, reminding her girlfriend to be safe and to call her as soon as the bus got to Ohio. Rachel began to worry when Santana had stopped answering her texts. Unanswered texts turned into unanswered phone calls which wasn't normal for Santana. Santana always kept her promises to Rachel and she promised to call her. Rachel noticed that it had been hours since Santana's bus was supposed to arrive in Lima, so she called Santana's mother, figuring Santana's phone died and she didn't think to use her mothers phone to call.

What Rachel wasn't expecting, was for Maribel to be even more panicked than Rachel and to be told that Santana never got off the bus. A week later, after many sleepless nights, emotional breakdowns and almost getting arrested for threatening a police officer, Rachel got the call. Santana had been found...or her body rather. The FBI had linked Santana's death to a serial killer that they've been trying to track down and her body was discovered on a beach in South Carolina. Santana had caught the eye of a maniac who had been stalking her months prior. The investigators assume that when Santana's bus came to a stop at a rest stop, she'd gotten off for something and that's when he saw his opportunity.

Rachel's world shattered and she just couldn't continue her everyday life. Rachel thought it would be best to leave New York and stay with her fathers while she tried to cope, so that's what she did. Santana was the best thing she had in her life. Rachel felt loved unconditionally, supported, safe...and she's afraid she'll never feel that way again. How was she supposed to continue living without seeing that beautiful smile everyday? Or smelling her scent? Hearing her joyous laugh or one of her infamous snarky comments? Rachel never thought this would be the way she'd have to live without Santana...without her heart.

Rachel roughly wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand, never feeling so alone, empty and powerless, she goes to step but her knees give out and she crashes down hard on to the cement of the parking lot. Rachel glances around her surroundings with blurry eyes. Having driven for hours, only stopping for gas, she isn't sure exactly where she is but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters now. Rachel feels her the skin of her palms burning from the impact and a stinging pain in her kneecaps as her flesh digs into the rough terrain beneath her.

Tears never stop pouring from her eyes but she doesn't make a sound. Rachel had found an old abandoned motel while driving and decided it was perfect. Pulling into the parking lot, she drove around back and parked. Rachel sat in the drivers seat, listening to beating of the heavy raindrops against the metal of the vehicle until she decided it was time. What she was about to do...she didn't want to do inside of her fathers car, so she opened the door and attempted to walk and that's when she her legs failed her. Staring at the ground in front of her as the rain beats against her back, Rachel lets out a pained wail. Angry that life could be so cruel and sad that the one person she needs to comfort her is also the source of her pain.

"Get up." Rachel hears whispered in the wind that swirls around her.

She isn't sure she actually heard anything over the rain and her ragged breathing but wanting to finish what she started, Rachel sits back on her heels and grabs the car door to get to her feet. Wiping her eyes once more, she looks around for the object she'd dropped when she fell. Taking an unsteady step towards the black steel that is now a few feet in front of her, Rachel maintains her grip on the door until she's sure she won't fall again. Inhaling deeply, she lets go of the door and walks the short distance to grab the object and seal her fate.

Bending over to pick it up, it now feels heavy in her hand. Heavy and cold, like her heart now. Rachel stands upright and decides this is as good a spot as any but curses, realizing she'd left the car door open. Rachel may be doing something she can't take back but she wants her father to have his car returned to him in good condition at the very least. Sighing, Rachel turns back and grabs the cool metal door but as she goes to push it closed, she smells something familiar...like Santana.

Confused, Rachel's head swivels side to side, surveying the area. There's no one there. It must be her imagination playing a cruel trick on her. Shaking herself of her thoughts, Rachel notices her letter has shifted from it's position in the passenger side seat. Ever the perfectionist, Rachel bends over reaching inside the car to fix the issue when she feels something similar to a push on her backside. Losing her footing, Rachel falls inside the car and the door shuts behind her. Thoroughly freighted, Rachel scoots away from the door, staring out of the window as her back presses against the passenger side door. Rachel frantically checks her surroundings, while trying to control her breathing.

"Don't freak out." Rachel hears and screams out when she looks in the backseat and sees no other than...

"Santana?!" There in the backseat of Rachel's father's silver 2018 BMW, sat the woman she loves more than anything in this world and she looks the same as the day Rachel left her.

"Seriously babe, don't freak out." Santana says. Rachel feels tears welling in her eyes, her jaw trembles and Santana offers her a soft smile.

"I wish I could hug you." Santana says as Rachel continues gaping at her, not knowing what to do or say, just frozen.

"I'm sorry about all of this. Are you okay? Wait, no. I know you're not okay." Santana sighs and shakes her head, dark curls shaking over her shoulders.

'H-H-How?" Rachel quietly stutters out as tears pour from her eyes. Rachel had gone with Marisol to...to identify Santana's body. How could she be here?

"I can't answer that but now it's my turn to ask a question. What. In. The. Actual. Fuck are you doing?!" Santana exclaims.

"B-B-But...you're..." Rachel isn't able to utter the word.

"Dead? Yeah, I'm definitely still dead. Ghosts are apparently real. Now, take a few breaths to get your shit together. I know this is shocking, scary and super emotional but we're not focusing on that right now." Santana watches as Rachel continues to stare at her and she rolls her eyes.

"Rachel? I need you to talk to me. Never thought I'd have to say those words." She says with small smirk and this seems to bring Rachel back to reality. Closing her eyes, Rachel takes a few deep breaths.

"Good. How are you feeling now?" Santana asks. Rachel slowly opens her eyes and sighs heavily.

"I'm...better."

"Okay...explain this to me. I know you weren't going to do what I think you were." Santana says, moving her head between the two seats and resting her elbows on each seat near the headrests.

Rachel could cry from the warm look on Santana's face. Rachel isn't sure if she hit her head when she fell but if this is a hallucination, she hopes it never ends. Tentatively, Rachel reaches her hand out towards Santana's cheek. Santana watches as Rachel's fingers gently contact her cheek and Rachel feels her fingers vibrating gently but she can't feel the soft warm flesh she's missed so much. Santana sees the disappointment on her face and offers her a soft smile as her hand returns to her lap.

"I know this is hard. It's no picnic for me either, trust me. Just talk to me. Please?" Santana says gently, taking in the appearance of her girlfriend. Rachel has gotten smaller, her face is swollen and puff from crying and her clothes and hair cling to her skin, soaked from the rain. Rachel lies her head against the headrest and looks into Santana's eyes.

"I didn't...I never thought I'd see you again." Rachel says sadly, her eyes now downcast.

"So you thought this was the answer?" Santana questions genuinely. Rachel's eyes begin to flood with tears once again.

"I-I don't know. I just..I just want the pain to stop. I want you to come home." Rachel's voice is thick and cracks with emotion as she blinks back tears.

"I know. I miss you more than anything but, baby...this isn't the answer. Look at how devastated my mom is or look at yourself. Why would you want your fathers to have to feel like this too?" Santana say softly, wishing she could hold Rachel's hand.

"You can't let this dim you're shine. You're a fucking star and the world needs to know that. You still need to show them." Rachel blinks back tears as she listens to Santana speak.

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm doing alright and I'm still with you. You just can't see me." She finishes as Rachel sniffles.

"How can I see you now?" She asks in a small voice.

"A whole lot of fucking energy on my part. Like, a lot." Santana exaggerates with an eye roll.

"I don't know...I can't move forward without you." Rachel looks down sadly, licking her lips and sniffling.

"Yes you can and you will. I won't let you do this."

"How exactly could you stop me?" Rachel asks curiously.

"I can't touch you but I can touch things. I won't let you hurt yourself because of me. I need you to be that competitive little diva I feel in love with. The competition is life and you deserve to win." Rachel sighs, trying not to cry again but it's to no avail.

"Why can't I just be with you?" She asks sadly, tears falling to her shirt.

"Not yet. You can be with me one day. Just not yet. Where'd you get a gun anyway?"

"My fathers have it for security. They taught me how to use it since I'd be left alone frequently enough." Rachel lightly shrugs and Santana nods.

"So...how long have I been dead?" Rachel winces at the word and Santana offers her a sheepish smile.

"It's been 3 months." Santana nods her head thoughtfully.

"Time doesn't really exist anymore. It's weird. Did they catch the bastard?" Rachel nods her head.

"You were the last...you somehow lead them to him. I'm not sure how exactly."

"Good, I hope they kill him. I'll be waiting for his ass. I'm going all kinds of Lima Heights Adjacent, bastards lucky I couldn't keep my razorblades." Rachel giggles softly and Santana smiles at herself, having been able to make Rachel smile if only for a second.

"What happened to you?" Rachel asks hesitantly. Santana glances at her, a pensive look on her face, contemplating if sharing those details would do more harm than help.

"I can handle it . The police can only speculate...but I need to know." Santana still isn't convinced.

"One reason I should tell you? I might've believed you could handle it if, you know, I didn't just catch you trying to off yourself." Rachel sighs heavily and sniffles.

"Closure. I just...I hate the idea that you were in pain..." After some time Santana sighs as she gives in.

"Okay but it's a pretty shitty story. Are you sure?" Santana asks and receives a confirming nod.

"Okay...well I went to the bathroom because I had like 5 more hours on that bus. The bathroom was outside of the fucking gas station we stopped at. Everything is good until I open the door to leave. There's this creepy tall fucker standing in front of the door and that's the last thing I remember until I woke up later..." Santana trails off, not wanting to continue for Rachel's sake. Rachel waits patiently, looking at Santana expectantly so she continues against her better judgment.

"I don't know where the hell I was but I was...chained and the room smelled like rotting corpses. It kind of looked like an old mechanics shop or something. Anyway, dude would just keep sedating me and I'd wake up to either food or a bucket." Rachel's eyebrows knit and Santana shakes her head.

"You don't wanna know. I eventually figured out the dude was stealing my blood. Don't know what for, but anyway one day I said fuck it and broke my wrist and hand to get out of one shackle. The other one was loose enough that I pulled it out of the wall. I found a tire iron and was almost out when Frankenstein's monster came back. I only got one good whack to his gigantic head before he picked me up then slammed me so hard I died. It didn't hurt though." She finishes with a small shrug, watching Rachel's facial features. Rachel stares at Santana, unblinking before letting out a shaky breath.

"I'm so sorry you had to live through that..." She says softly.

"Coulda been way worse. I could've been forced to have his ogre baby or something. I just wish I could've talked to you before it happened." Santana says and Rachel nods slowly.

"But you're okay though? Why aren't you in Heaven or something?"

"Not sure. Just know I died and ended up like this. Haven't heard anything about an afterlife. Unless this is the afterlife...whatever. It's not all bad. I'm not tired, don't have to eat." Santana shrugs lightly.

"I'm definitely okay though. I can do shit I couldn't do when I was alive because you know, being a broke college student and all that shit. I can actually see the world. It's peaceful." Rachel feels relieved hearing Santana say that.

"That's...comforting. I'm very happy that you're okay." Rachel says smiling slightly.

"Now, just tell me you'll try to be okay and I can be happy." Santana says with a warm smile and Rachel nods her head.

"I'll try, for you." Santana smiles widely at Rachel and nods her head.

"I'll take it. I love you and if you try anything this fucking stupid again, you are going to regret being here with me." Rachel giggles softly and nods her head.

"Okay, I love you too." She says softly.

"Take care of yourself." Santana says before leaning forward to press a kiss to Rachel's forehead. Tears stain her cheeks once against as she feels the small vibration against her skin and watches as Santana's body fades away.

RSRSRSRSRSRSRSR

It's now been 6 months 3 weeks, and 34 minutes since Rachel lost the love of her life but...she's okay. Well, she's more okay than she was before. Some days are harder than others but Rachel manages for Santana. Since seeing her, Rachel has moved back to New York and has been focusing solely on her dream, needing to achieve it for herself and Santana.

Anxious, Rachel is rushing down the busy side walks of Brooklyn, trying to get to her audition as quickly as she can. There'd been a delay with her train and she now would be late if she doesn't hurry. Coming to an intersection, Rachel impatiently taps her foot as she waits for the light to turn. Surprisingly, there's little traffic right now so Rachel decides to take her chances with the light. Turning her head both ways, she steps out into the street and quickly jogs across 3 lanes before she turns her head and notices a bus that has just turned much faster than she expected.

"Damn, that look like it hurt." Rachel hears Santana say from beside her. Turning her head, confused Rachel furrows her eyebrows at the woman.

"Santana? What are you doing here?" She asks. Santana turns her head towards her then nods it to the scene in front of them.

They're standing on the sidewalk and there are police cars, an ambulance, a bus and many bystanders. Rachel looks at the police questioning people and trying to clear the scene of busybodies. But then..she sees it. At least 20 feet in front of the bus, is her body lying in a very unnatural way, in the middle of the street.

"Oh god..." She gasps, hand coming to cover her mouth.

"Am I?" Rachel begins to walk towards the scene but then steps back, having changed her mind.

"You are." Santana responds softly.

"I told you to take care of yourself." She continues.

"I did! I came back to New York and I've been working like a maniac! I even put on some weight!" Rachel says, still in shock.

"Well, maybe you should've done a better job." Santana jokes, earning a glare from the shorter woman.

"Are you okay? Y'know, with being dead?" Santana asks and Rachel sighs softly, returning her gaze to the scene before her.

"Well I did just find out, so I haven't been given much time to process all of this...although as much as I'd like to say I'm sad...I'm not. Yes, I am sad for the ones I've left behind but...I think I'm the happiest I've been in months." Rachel turns to Santana with a smile. Santana closes the distance between them, wrapping her arms around Rachel and smiling when she feels slender arms wrapping around her neck in return.

"I missed you so much." Santana says breathlessly as her cheeks become wet with tears of joy.

"Me too." Rachel pulls back just far enough so that she can capture Santana's lips in her own. Both women smiling against each others lips and holding each other close, are the happiest they've ever been.

A/N: If you made it here, thanks for reading and feel free to share your thoughts. Til next time.