Santana mumbled to herself in frustration as she sat in her office at her shared, newly purchased home in New Jersey. She and Rachel decided it was close enough to New York that their commute wouldn't be effected too much and it was a more affordable option. Santana has always been more financially savvy than her wife so it only made sense that she took care of their finances...but it doesn't mean she enjoys doing so. As she stares at the bills in front of her, she rubs her temples wishing she never agreed to solely handle them. Too many due dates and too many people to pay for Santana's liking. There was a knock on the door and Santana let out a sigh of relief, grateful for the distraction.
"Santana?" Rachel calls out as she gently pushing open the door. Santana doesn't normally like to be disturbed when she's in her office so Rachel tries not to bother her.
"Yeah?" Santana answers as she leans back in her chair, a smile gracing her lips as her eyes land on her wife.
They had been married for 3 years now but every time her eyes land on the white gold band around Rachel's finger, her heart flutters. Santana never thought she'd be married and least of all, to one Rachel Berry but after moving to New York after high school and sharing a loft, Santana saw her in a new light and realized how much time she'd wasted hating the diva before her. Which is why Santana makes sure that Rachel knows how much she loves and appreciates her every day.
"Hi." Rachel says softly as she reaches Santana.
"Hi." Santana responds lovingly as she takes Rachel's hand and pulls her to sit in her lap. Rachel wraps her arms around her neck and Santana nestles herself against her chest. Rachel smiles warmly then plants a kiss to Santana's head.
"I assume I'm not disturbing you." She says.
"Oh, you are but I welcome it. Please disturb me." Santana mumbles against Rachel.
"Well, in that case...I want to talk about something." Santana pulls Rachel closer and lets out a sigh of contentment.
"What's up?" She asks as Rachel begins to massage her scalp with her fingertips, eliciting a moan of delight.
"Well, today on my way home there was this woman and the most adorable baby I'd ever seen and it made me think...I want a baby." Santana's head shoots up and she looks at Rachel with creased eyebrows.
"I don't think I heard you correctly. You want a what?"
"A baby." Fear briefly flashes across Santana's face before a look of shock settles in.
"Like now? In this...like...what?" Santana says, attempting to collect her thoughts.
"Yes, we're both where we would like to be in our careers, we have the resources. I think this might be
the best time." Santana sits back, eyebrows still creased and stares off into space. She was not expecting that. Rachel and Santana had plans to have children but Santana thought that would come when they were in their 30's not when she was only 27.
"San, are you okay?" Rachel says, snapping her out of her daze.
"I-uh, yeah I'm fine." She responds softly.
"So? What do you think?" Rachel asks anxiously. Springing this up on Santana made her nervous and she didn't prepare herself for Santana to say no.
"I...can I have more time to think about it? I just...that's a big decision." Rachel nods her head in response, realizing Santana is right. This is a big decision so she'd be willing to give her some time.
"How much time would you like?" Santana shrugs.
"I don't know. A week?" Rachel nods. If Santana wants a week to decide, she'll give her that...but no one said she couldn't try to to convince her.
"Do you think I'm trying to manipulate her?" Rachel says into her phone. Today she invited Santana to the park to show her a glimpse of parenthood, but is now regretting her decision feeling as though she should give Santana her time, without meddling.
"Manipulating? No. As long as you're showing her the good and bad of parenting." Quinn responds on the other end. Rachel and Quinn have grown close over the years and have become real friends.
"I just think that if she saw how happy people with children are, she'd be more likely to agree."
"So...you don't plan on showing her the other side of it?" Quinn asks in a calm even tone.
"I'm sure she's aware of the negative aspects..." Rachel trails off and Quinn chuckles.
"That is definitely manipulation Rach. You don't want her to agree then you have a kid and she hates it and hates you for tricking her into it. You'll doom your marriage if you do and Santana can not come stay with me." Quinn says and Rachel sighs as her phone vibrates in her hand. Quickly glancing at the screen she sees a text from Santana.
San: The back of your head is very sexy ;)
Rachel chuckles to herself before speaking to Quinn again.
"Okay, I have to go. Thanks for the advice."
"Any time. Good luck." Quinn says then ends the phone call. Rachel looks behind her and sees Santana walking towards the bench she's sitting on.
"Is there a reason you wanted to come to the park today?" Santana says as she sits next to Rachel on the bench. Rachel shrugs then kisses her cheek.
"It's a nice day, I thought we could enjoy the weather." She responds. Santana eyes her suspiciously but doesn't comment on the fact that Rachel is sitting across from a playground.
"Okay, Who were you talking to on the phone?" Santana casually asks.
"Quinn. I called to check in with her while I waited for you." Rachel says, grinning.
"And how is she? I haven't talked to her for a while." Santana says as she looks at her surroundings. There's kids playing on the playground, running around and plenty of parents standing around with babies in strollers. Santana knows her wife too well, this isn't just a random outting for them to enjoy.
"She's well. Of course, still working to climb the corporate ladder." Rachel responds.
Santana slowly nods her head as she watches a woman with her baby on the far end of the playground. The child is crying and the mother is trying her best to console them but...it's not working. Thinking of having to do that right now, makes Santana shudder...but as Santana continues to scan the playground, she sees a father holding his kid up in the air as they pretend to be an airplane, having the time of their lives and she has to admit it's kind of cute.
"Quinn is cutthroat. She'll own that firm sooner or later." Santana responds, continuing to people watch. Rachel nods as she carefully watches her wife, gauging her reaction to their surroundings. They sit in silence for a while before Santana speaks up.
"If we sit here too long, people are going to think we're pedophiles or something." She glances at Rachel who shrugs.
"I suppose. What would you like to do?" Santana decides she'll entertain her wife's poorly executed plan for a while and won't suggest they just go home.
"Let's at least walk around." Santana stands, Rachel following and they make their way to a path and begin to walk, hand in hand.
"How was your day?" Rachel asks Santana as they begin their stroll.
"Not too bad, same shit different day. How about yours?" Santana asks.
They're conversation continues as they walk along the path passing bikers, skateboarders and runners. As they approach a hotdog stand, Santana notices a mother with 3 children, struggling to keep everything in order. She's holding the hand of a little girl who looks to be about 3, a stroller with a smaller child inside and an excited 5 year old is tugging on her pants for attention while she digs around in her purse. Rachel is talking so Santana isn't sure she's noticed.
As they come a bit closer, the 3 year old darts off after the mother kneels down to tie the shoe of her other child. Santana groans as she watches the little girl run in her direction, the mother still completely oblivious. Santana moves into the path of the happy 3 year old and kneels down, smiling at her as the girl attempts to redirect her path to avoid Santana. Rachel stop walking and watches the scene before her.
"Hey, you're really fast!" She says kindly to the little girl. The girl offers her a smile, around the hand she has in her mouth.
"Wanna race?! First person to your mom wins!" Santana says excitedly with a warm smile. The girl nods her head and turns back in the direction she came from.
"Okay. Ready? Go!" Santana says and the girl takes off full speed. Santana laughs happily at the child as she slowly jogs behind her until they reach the woman at the hotdog stand.
"Abigail!" The woman exclaims as the little girl runs into her legs. The mother quickly picks her up and hugs her while letting out a relieved sigh, before scolding the girl for running off. Once she notices Santana, she offers an appreciative smile.
"Thank you so much! I know I look like the worst mother in the world now." She says with an embarrassed blush.
"Don't worry about it. I see you have your hands full." Santana says with a wave of her hand.
"You don't know the half of it." The mother jokes.
"Do you have kids?" She asks to which Santana grants her a head shake.
"Well then you really don't know the half of it." The mother laughs to herself.
"They're a burden, believe me! But it's a burden I'm happy to carry. If you have kids, you'll see what I mean. I hope I'm not holding you up, I can get pretty talkative." She says with a small smile.
"Not at all. Have a nice day." Santana says then turns to see Rachel standing a few feet from her, grinning. She walks over to her and they continue their walk.
Today's plan is a lot more obvious but Rachel doesn't care. After seeing Santana with that little girl yesterday, it only made her want children with the woman even more. Rachel told Santana she wanted to go shopping so they're in the city, walking with a few bags. Rachel wasn't lying when she said she wanted to go shopping, she just wants to make sure they get to the store she wants.
"What the hell is Carter's?" Santana asks as she walks beside Rachel.
"A store." Santana rolls her eyes.
"Obviously. What do they sell?"
"Clothes." Rachel says as she rounds a corner.
"We're here!" She excitedly sing songs as she pulls open the door and disappears inside. Santana rolls her eyes and enters the store...confused as to why Rachel wanted to come to a kids clothing store.
"What the hell..." Santana mutters to herself as she looks for her wife.
"Rachel?" She calls out and Rachel pops her head out from a rack on the other side of the store. There's a bright smile plastered on her face and Santana can't help the way her heart reacts to it. Shaking her head at herself, she makes her way over to Rachel who's excitedly pushing a pair of socks towards her.
"Look at these! Aren't the cute?!" Santana looks at the dark blue socks with basketballs on them and creases her eyebrows.
"They're socks." She states plainly.
"But they're so small! Imagine the tiny little feet that could fit these!" Santana really wants to be irritated with all this baby stuff, but she can't find it in her heart to be. Not when Rachel is this excited over socks.
"Okay, they're cute." She says and Rachel puts the socks down then continues to move through the store, Santana following closely behind.
"Look at the little shirts! They're so adorable." Rachel says then gasps and quickly grabs a set of bibs. Holding it out towards Santana, she reads the wording on the bib with the elephant out loud.
"Mommy's little peanut!" Rachel turns the bibs around to look at the rest of them, a giddy smile on her lips.
"Don't you want a little peanut San?" She asks but continues looking around the store when Santana doesn't answer quick enough.
Santana looks around the store while Rachel runs around shrieking like a mad woman whenever she finds something cute. Santana thinks some of the clothes in here are cute. She imagines how cute a kid would be with a little bow in their hair or a bow tie...but that doesn't mean she wants a baby. Santana isn't a nurturing person and isn't sure she can handle a baby. If she's being honest, she's afraid...no, she's terrified. No matter how cute the clothes are, babies are more than just adorable clothes. They're money, time and hard work...and Santana isn't sure she's ready to share her wife just yet.
"Finished?" Santana asks Rachel after she finds her looking at toddler clothing.
"Yes. We can leave." Rachel says calmly, her excitement dying down slightly.
"Great, I'm starving." Santana says as she walks to the exit. Once on the street again, Rachel wraps her arm around Santana's and grabs her hand with her other arm while breathing out a sigh of contentment.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" Santana asks.
"Yes. I just wish I had a mini version of us to buy things for."
"I don't have to worry about you walking into a baby ward right? Because I don't think for better or worse includes kidnapping." Santana jokes and Rachel playfully slaps her arm.
"Seriously though, why do you want a kid anyway? They're leeches disguised as things that will make you happy. Babies are only cute for survival purposes. The human race needs to survive so they're cute enough that the parents can tolerate all their needy bullshit and have another human around to make more people. They serve no actual purpose." Santana says and Rachel stops walking staring at Santana in disbelief.
"What?" Santana asks.
"Is that how you really feel? You told me you wanted kids before we were married."
"I do, but I still see them for what they are. They suck the life out of you. Your time, energy, money."
"So what about love Santana? I want children with you because I love you and what better token of our love than to create a life? A person who is the physical embodiment of what we mean to each other? If you don't see that..." Rachel shakes her head.
"I guess I'm a leech too? I require all of those things you just named as well" Rachel says sadly, now looking towards the ground.
"Rachel, I didn't mean it like that." Santana moves towards Rachel to have her step back.
"I'll see you at home." She says quietly then turns on her heels and begins to walk.
"Rachel!" Santana calls but it falls on deaf ears. Santana groans, knowing she's getting the silent treatment when she gets home.
Santana was able to get Rachel to talk to her again but it wasn't easy. Rachel deserted her plans to convince Santana after their trip to the store. Santana told Rachel why she's so apprehensive about a baby right now and Rachel understands her concerns so she's accepted she'll get her answer when this week ends. Santana is now sitting in her office at the agency she works for, waiting for her client to arrive. Santana had been freelance for years but after buying a house and getting married, she wanted something more stable.
"Santana!" Her client, Heather exclaims as she walks into her office. They've worked together many other times over the years with the publication of Heather's wildly successful previous books. Santana and Heather could almost consider each other friends.
"Hey Heath- why do you have a baby?" She asks the taller blue eyed blonde, pushing a stroller into her office.
"I told Harry I'd have to bring him with me for our meeting, He didn't tell you?" Heather asks, coming closer to Santana's desk.
"No, he didn't." Santana says in annoyed tone, considering hiring a new assistant.
" Sorry about that. It won't be a problem will it?" Heather asks and Santana shakes her head.
"It's fine. If you were anyone else I'd tell you to get the hell out." She says and Heather chuckles.
"I don't doubt that. Plus, it's about time you met Asher. I didn't see you my entire pregnancy." Heather says as she picks up her son from the stroller. Santana stands and walks over to them, smiling as she looks down at the blonde bundle in her arms.
"He's cute." She says.
"You want to hold him?" Heather offers and Santana quickly shakes her head.
"I shouldn't...germs and all that." Heather waves her off and pushes the baby towards Santana.
"Oh, okay I guess we're doing this." Santana says hurried as she holds her arms out to take the baby.
"Just support his neck...and there!" Heather says once he's safely in Santana's arms. Santana stands stiffly, afraid to move.
"I don't- what do I do with him?" Santana asks and Heather laughs.
"He's not going to bite you. Relax." She says and sits in the chair by Santana's desk.
Santana takes a tentative step, watching the gurgling baby in her arms. Santana can handle kids but infants, she knows nothing about other than them being incredibly fragile. When Asher doesn't react negatively to her step, Santana slowly makes her way to her desk, sitting on top of it and facing Heather.
"I take it you don't have much experience with babies." Heather says as she pours herself a glass of water.
"Uh-definitely not. I mean, I've seen them but that's about it." Santana says, glancing down at the baby who is now softly cooing, causing her to smile. Santana rocks him gently as he brings his hand towards his face. Asher looks like he's going to scratch himself so Santana attempts to grab his hand but he grabs her finger instead, grinning at her.
"That's mine." She says softly and Asher gurgles and coos at her. Santana looks at the tiny fingers wrapped around her finger and feels her heart melt.
"He likes you. It's probably because of your boobs." Heather says and Santana smirks.
"Everyone loves the girls." Heather chuckles.
"You and Rachel thought about kids yet?" Heather asks.
"As a matter of fact, we've been talking about it. I'm not sure." She tells her.
"You want kids?" Heather asks curiously.
"I do, I just...I don't know if I'm ready to change everything. I'll have to share Rachel and take care of this little person who depends on me for like everything. It sounds exhausting and it's fucking scary." Santana says, allowing herself to be honest about her feelings.
"I felt the same way. I thought I'd never get another moment alone with my husband and that I'd somehow kill my baby. It freaked me out so much but you adapt. You realize that, yeah you're sharing your spouse but it's refreshing because you see this whole other side of them you'd never seen if it weren't for the kid. I know it made me fall harder for my husband and I love having him to help with all the hard shit that comes with kids. I was so afraid I'd be a bad mom because I've never been...what you'd expect from a mother." Heather pauses to lick her lips.
"I don't do emotions and all that girly shit, I'm from south side Chicago! Emotions don't help you survive. But I realized kids don't need that. They don't need you to be emotional, they just need you to help them deal with their emotions which is way easier than it seems. Plus, they've got Rachel and she can literally display any emotion at the drop of a hat. Point is, if you love the little bastard and try to be the best parent you can be, then you're doing something right a d they probably won't end up being a serial killer." Heather says with a small smile. Then she clasps her hands together and says.
"Alright, now lets do this." Santana looks at her with her eyebrows furrowed.
"Don't you want him back?" She asks and Heather shakes her head.
"I could use the break and you seem to be doing great for someone who hasn't held a baby before." Santana nods softly then begins to get to business.
"Yes." Santana says, coming into her house after leaving work. Rachel glances at the foyer from her spot in the kitchen.
"Did you say something?" She says loudly. Santana walks in to the kitchen and sits at the island.
"I said, yes." Rachel's eyebrows furrow in confusion.
"I didn't ask you anything...are you feeling okay?" She jokes and Santana chuckles.
"I feel fine. My answer is yes. Let's have a baby." Rachel stares at her wide eyed, in shock briefly.
"Are you serious Santana? If this is a joke-"
"It's no joke. I want a beautiful baby with my beautiful wife." Rachel shrieks in excitement then runs over and kisses Santana, almost knocking her from her seat.
"Are you sure?! What changed your mind?" Rachel asks, trying to rein in her excitement but failing miserably. Santana stands as she collects herself then looks at her wife.
"I'm still terrified I'll fuck up but... just realized that no matter what, I've got you by my side and I can handle anything when Rachel Berry has my back. "
"Rachel Lopez." Rachel corrects with a smile.
"I'm afraid too but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it or that we won't be excellent parents. Also, there's no one else I'd rather start this journey with." Rachel continues, smiling sweetly before pecking Santana's lips.
"Ditto. So. how about we start trying, now?" Santana pulls Rachel against her by her waist, gently pushes towards the marble top island then hoists her up on top of it.
"Gladly." Rachel says before pressing her lips against Santana's and begins working on the buttons of her shirt.
A/N: Since i missed Valentine's day, enjoy the double upload. See ya soon.