CHAPTER SEVEN

A MOTHER'S WORRIES

It was another long and tiring week for Arthur. On Monday, he'd ridden the bus into Ha-Has, laughing painfully as three bratty teenagers went to great lengths at making the 'Laughing Loser's' ride into work as uncomfortable as possible. From hurling spitballs at him (snickering as each hit their mark), to calling him every nasty name in the book, to cackling like a pack of hyenas as the man stumbled over the outstretched foot waiting to send him tumbling – they certainly succeeded in making the start to Arthur's day a shitty one. But poor Arthur was used to it. Rarely did he ever have a start to the day that could be called normal.

Tuesday was no better. At Ha-Has, Arthur had fallen into more trouble with Hoyt as his boss stressed how ticked off he was getting at the complaints he was receiving concerning Arthur. Being the 'freak' in the eyes of the other clowns, Arthur had no one to vent to, get advice from, or seek even a shred of comfort from. He was the outcast among his coworkers, and, unfortunately, often the source of constant amusement. Though he pretended to be focused solely on applying his clown makeup, Arthur couldn't block out their hurtful remarks, remarks like:

"Man, that Arthur's always gettin' into shit."

"If there's one thing that guy's good at, it's bein' a fuck-up."

"Dunno why Hoyt don't just fire him already..."

Come Wednesday night, Arthur had been walking back to his apartment, weary, hungry, and cold. A woman had been heading in the opposite direction, her heels clicking loudly against the wet pavement. Arthur had done nothing except keep walking by, his shoulders hunched and head tucked into his chest. He hadn't even made eye contact with the woman. Yet as she'd passed him, she'd glared at him suspiciously and hissed out, "Pervert!" She'd spoken as if he'd touched her inappropriately, yet this couldn't have been further from the truth.

And Thursday? Another unwanted visit from déjà vu as Carnival was chased down and beaten until his sides ached and his heart cried buckets of tears. Every kick, punch and spit to the face was like a fresh wound, bleeding upon his frail body that – for reasons he couldn't understand – could never be left alone.

The week had offered nothing but his latest helping of misery.

Then came Friday.

Normally Fridays were nothing special for Arthur. Just another day of the week, another day that would begin and end the same way they always did: miserably.

But this Friday wasn't like other Fridays.

It was December fourth. Arthur had been waiting – quite restlessly – for this particular Friday to arrive. So terribly slow the week had gone, but now finally the day he'd been so eagerly waiting for was here.

He was going to see Aubrey again tonight!

He'd dreamed of this day for the past few nights. Now that the day was here, he hoped it would play out as wonderfully as it did in his dreams.

While he waited to hear Aubrey knocking on his door, Arthur whipped up supper for his mother. She wasn't craving a TV dinner, nor was she in the mood for macaroni and cheese. With his limited cooking skills, Arthur prepared a simple, but flavorful enough bowl of cinnamon oatmeal.

"I'll get us some groceries this weekend," Arthur told her. "I got paid today, so that'll give me some money to pick up a few things."

Plopping down on his usual spot in the center of the couch, he reached for the remote. Flicking on the television, he turned to one of her favorite channels. It was currently showing a soap opera. Arthur hated soap operas, but his mother enjoyed them, and there wasn't much on television she liked watching besides the Murray Franklin Show and soap operas.

His mother nodded and took a bite of oatmeal. As she chewed silently, Arthur watched her with concern. For the past few days, she'd been acting a little...odd. Penny Fleck was a strange woman; there was no denying that. But he couldn't help noticing that lately she'd been a little more, how would he put it...quiet? Or maybe, he thought, she was just sinking deeper and further into her own private realm that mostly consisted of obsessing over Thomas Wayne. Still, whatever the case, it had him worried.

"Mom?" he said, keeping his eyes on his mother.

"Mhm?" she answered through a mouthful of oatmeal. She was wearing her favorite flamingo-pink silk pajamas with a matching pair of cotton slippers (also bright pink).

Arthur waited before continuing. If he said the wrong thing or threw accusations at her, she'd go off shouting and letting her emotions off the leash. He had to choose his next words carefully.

"I, uh..." he said, clearing his throat. "Just wondering if everything's okay?"

"Of course, Happy," she said, smiling lazily. "What makes you think there's something wrong?" Without a word, she took a sip of the tea he'd made for her.

"N-nothing," he shot back quickly. "I...I just worry, you know. With your health and all...I just want to make sure you're doing okay. Feeling okay and..."

"Do you like Aubrey?"

Arthur flashed her a confused look. Talk about a sudden, rapid change of subject.

"Well, yeah," he replied in a quiet tone. "Why?"

"Just wondering..." she said, her voice hardly above a whisper. She twirled her spoon absently around in her bowl, staring down at it as if plunging into the deepest trance.

"Do you like her?" Arthur asked cautiously.

Penny hesitated before answering.

"Yes..." she said slowly, as if struggling to get the words off her tongue. "She seems like a nice girl, Happy. Really, she does. It's just..." Her voice trailed off into silence as she set her empty bowl down on the coffee table. She suddenly sounded tired, as if the conversation were physically tiring.

"What?" Arthur raised a brow, encouraging his mother to go on.

"It's just," she said, wringing her hands together nervously. "I understand you want to be friends with this girl. I think it's wonderful you make a friend. I just wish it weren't a girl."

"What's wrong with that?" said Arthur innocently. He sounded like a little boy asking a grown-up why the sky was blue. "What's gender got to do with it?"

"Well," she said thoughtfully. "If this new friend of yours was a guy, you'd just do guy things. You know...watch some sports—"

"But Aubrey and I could watch TV," Arthur said, sounding puzzled. "Why does it matter that she's a girl? Guys and girls watch TV together all the time. You and I watch Murray Franklin every night."

"Yes, but I'm your mother," she calmly argued. "What I mean is, who's to say you and her wouldn't start doing"—she bit her lip before going on—"other things..."

"Mom, what are you talking about?" Arthur asked with a confused sigh. "What do you mean other things?"

"Kissing, Happy!" she shouted. She threw her hands up as if her stormy sea of emotions were exploding erupting-volcano-style. "Kissing, cuddling, taking each other's clothes off and...and fooling around like...like horny teenagers!" She muttered something incomprehensible.

"Mom!" Arthur cried, dropping his head into his hand. He barely stifled a groan. "That...that would never happen. If Aubrey does want to be friends with me, no way would she want to do any of that stuff. Not with me, anyway..."

"Really?" she countered. "Did you see the way she was looking at you last Thursday? She was looking at you like she was...was..."—she took a breath, as if the next words were difficult to get out—"in love!"

"That's ridiculous," Arthur scoffed quietly. "You're just thinking she was looking at me like that..."

"I know what I saw, Happy," she shot back firmly. "I've seen that look enough times to recognize it when I see it. Aren't you forgetting Thomas Wayne and I dated when we were young?" She broke out in a smile upon remembering memories of the past. "Trust me, Happy...I know that look. The way Aubrey looked at you that night...Thomas looked at me like that all the time."

"No, Ma," said Arthur in a low voice. "She barely knows me. And why would any woman want anything to do with me?" I'm not attractive, he thought glumly. Not wealthy. Not confident. Not interesting. Not special. I'm nothing.

"And the way you were looking at her," said Penny slowly, raising a brow. By the tone of her voice, it was like she was an expert on all things to do with romance, and knew precisely what she was talking about. "You're falling for her, Happy. You might not know much about love, but I do. And I know enough about it to know that denial's often the first sign one's been hit by Cupid's arrow."

"Mom, I just met her," said Arthur, waving her off. "People don't fall in love that fast..." But deep down he wondered if his mother was right. Despite having only met Aubrey Speck, were feelings blooming for her that went above and beyond friendship? Being no expert on love, he wasn't exactly sure how he felt. He only knew that whenever he was around her, he felt such a range of emotions.

Part of him felt excitement. He'd never ridden a roller coaster, but he imagined riding a high-speed, adrenaline-fuelling coaster would feel something like how he felt when Aubrey so much as smiled at him.

Part of him felt terrified. Terrified that she'd suddenly decide her time was better spent elsewhere than with a nobody like Arthur. That Arthur Fleck had absolutely nothing to offer her. That he was about as interesting as a piece of toilet paper.

Still another part of him felt curious. Curious to peel back all of Aubrey's layers, to dive deep into who she truly was. To put together all the pieces of the puzzle, one precious piece at a time.

"I'm sorry, Happy," said Penny, leaning back in her easy chair. "I know you just want to be friends with this girl."

"Then why are you acting like us becoming friends would be a bad thing?" he asked softly. "What's wrong with us just being friends? I'm sure men and women can be friends without having feelings for each other."

"Nothing, probably," Penny answered with an audible sigh. She kicked her feet up onto the table. "I just fear what'll happen if you two do become friends." Before Arthur could comment, she rushed on, "You two will start spending all your time together and"—she sounded on the verge of tears—"and you might very well become more than friends with her and...and you'll probably forget all about me."

"Mom, that's crazy!" Arthur said, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Is that what this is all about? You think I'd just take off and leave you...here...alone?" He smiled kindly at his mother, injecting as much sincerity as he could into his voice. "You know I'd never forget about you. And...and anyway"—he smiled sadly and dropped his gaze to the floor—"Aubrey would never care to be with someone like me...not like that. Not romantically. I'll be the luckiest man alive if she even wants to be my friend."

"But what if you loved her more than me?" Penny muttered, a little sulkily.

"Love's not a competition, Mom," he told her. He could tell she was already jumping ahead, picturing her son and the girl next-door hopelessly in love and lost in their own, happy little world. "And there's more than one kind of love. You're my mother. I love you. But if I ever did love Aubrey, it'd be a different sort of love."

"You wouldn't need me anymore," Penny uttered, not even looking in her son's direction. "Not if you had her in your life. I'd just be a burden to you. An old bag that needs her son to do almost everything for her."

"Mom, please," Arthur pleaded. "Don't get all worked up." He didn't like seeing and hearing his mother upset. What with her health, he feared she'd one day suffer a stroke, or worse. Considering she'd suffered a heart attack in the past, her health wasn't exactly in the best shape.

There was a brief stretch of silence. The only sound came from the loudly squabbling characters featured in the latest episode of Immortal Love.

"You're right," Penny finally said, her tone softening. "I'm sorry, Happy. I just care about you. You're all I have. I don't want to see you get hurt. I just want what's best for you."

Arthur smiled. "I know that, Ma." His mother might have had trouble controlling her emotions, but he knew she meant well. "But I really think Aubrey's what I need right now. Maybe"—a hopeful smile crossed his face, broadening by the second—"she can make me happy. Truly happy." He directed his smile at his mother. "If my nickname's Happy, doesn't it make sense I should actually be happy?"

She nodded in understanding. "You're right..." she uttered under her breath. In a louder voice, she said, "No, you're right."

"And who knows?" Arthur went on, keeping the smile on his face. It felt good smiling. He hoped Aubrey stayed in his life. With her around, he felt sure there'd be plenty more smiles to come. "Maybe this'll be a good thing for you too. I mean, you always said that you wanted a son and a daughter." He shrugged and looked to his mother, who was listening closely. "Maybe you could get to know her more and...and she could be like the daughter you've always wanted."

"Hmm," she said quietly. She thought for a moment, then nodded in approval. "Yes, that would be nice." She stifled a yawn before taking a sip of her raspberry-flavoured tea.

"I think she's just as lonely as us," Arthur said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Being in and out of foster homes must have been hard. And she has no brothers or sisters. Plus she lives in that apartment by herself." Lonely though Arthur was, he always had his mother for company. Yes, she was sick and could never get out and do much, but she was company just the same.

Aubrey, on the other hand, had no one.

No parents.

No siblings.

As for friends, Arthur couldn't say for sure. She hadn't mentioned any friends, so it was a good guess she was just as alone in cold, cruel Gotham as he was. The thought of her having no one in her life made his heart ache. He was suddenly gladder than ever that she was coming over tonight. If she weren't, the moment his mother packed it in for the night, it would be another evening of doing nothing but sitting on the couch re-watching Murray Franklin tapes while writing in his journal.

When she'd finished her tea, Penny rose from her chair and headed for the bedroom.

"I'm going to try and get some sleep," she said, letting out a prolonged yawn. "You two have a good night, okay?"

With that, she closed the door behind her.

Arthur's brows furrowed as he stared at the door for a long moment. He couldn't shake loose what his mother had said. She feared a blossoming romance between him and the girl next door would destroy the relationship between she and her son. Arthur rubbed his forehead and sighed deeply. For what felt like the hundredth time, he wished his mother wasn't such a worrywart. The odds of Aubrey actually wanting him as her boyfriend were so slim it wasn't even worth discussing.

Obviously his mother felt otherwise. In her eyes, she was already preparing for the day her son bid farewell to her as he jumped into a new life with Aubrey Speck – one that did not involve his mother. Arthur couldn't understand what went through his mother's head. Didn't she realize how much he cared for her? Had he not looked after all these years? Providing for her as best as a struggling son could?

She knows I love her, he reminded himself. She was simply jumping to dramatic conclusions and letting her emotions take control. He felt sure after she took some time and thought things through, she'd feel better in the morning. Being tired had a way of blurring one's thoughts. A good night's sleep was often just what one needed when stressing and unable to see clearly.

While he waited for Aubrey, Arthur pulled out his journal. As he flipped through his jokes, a terrifying thought swept over him. What would Aubrey think seeing the pornographic pictures and drawings? He swallowed a painfully large lump down his throat. He could not let her see his journal!

Quickly, he grabbed a sheet of paper and pen. In messy handwriting, he jotted down his most recent jokes. No way was he risking Aubrey catching a glimpse of the naked women in his journal. When he'd finished writing the last joke, he dropped the pen and frowned. The thought of her calling him a perverted pig would be worse than needles digging into his skin. It would be like a living nightmare.

But the truth was, Arthur wasn't a pig. Sure, he had sexual desires like every other man, but he was human. Knowing how pathetically slim his chances at finding love were, all he'd ever had was his journal. A private place where he could let his fantasies roam free. With no woman in his life to love or love him, he'd fulfill his desires through his own touch, always imagining what it would be like to have a woman's hands touching him instead of his own, caressing him, fingers spilling love onto every inch of him. As a virgin, he ached to be touched and experience glorious pleasures he only dreamed of one day experiencing.

But what he yearned for more than anything else was to be loved.

Yes, his mother loved him.

But Arthur wanted more than a mother's love.

He longed for the sort of love one feels when their love for another is so strong, it refuses to die. A love that would provide him with the happily-ever-after he'd hungered for for the longest time. A love so powerful that nothing or no one could tear it apart. A special woman he could give himself completely to. The woman he'd spend the rest of his life with.

He read through his jokes a few more times. He remembered Aubrey laughing at his jokes during Thanksgiving dinner. He crossed his fingers that stroke of luck would pay him another visit tonight. So long as she continued thinking he was funny, she'd likely want to keep spending time with him.

He was relieved she'd be the first one hearing his latest batch of jokes. Considering he'd be performing his first stand-up routine at the Pogos comedy club the following Friday, he definitely wanted to test them out first. And who better to tell his newest jokes to than a woman who already thought he was funny?

Maybe, he thought, his excitement inflating rapidly like a balloon, she'll even come to the show! He closed his eyes, letting a hopeful smile cross his face. He pictured Aubrey sitting front row in the audience, smiling broadly as she stared at the comedian on stage. With each joke, he'd hear the sweet sound of her laughing. Each laugh would crush his fears into teeny, tiny pieces, replacing them with the confidence only she could fill him with.

Knock-knock-knock.

Arthur's eyes popped open.

He jumped to his feet and quickly ran his fingers through his hair. Letting out a nervous, but excited breath, he strode over to the door.

"Showtime!" he whispered.