( Authors notes: Hello everyone. Is anybody out there? I know it has been a while—too long. I hope I made it up to you by writing a longer chapter. Enjoy! )

-Past-

Jordan Catalano
September 4, 1995
Mr. Katimski

Chase

I'm lost in endless curves. She keeps me warm and takes me to far away places. With her, I am free. When I'm inside Red, I have to maintain a steady pace...for she is fragile. Under her hood, I must keep her nourished. Everything within is vital, like a beating heart. But...I won't ride Red, not until she is ready. It's clear to me, that along the way, a part of her was broken. If I mess around, I will only further the damage. Yet, I want to fix it with my hands. I am good with my hands. I could pressure her to go, but in the end...I know we wouldn't make it very far. If we ever go all the way, I want to arrive as one. Sometimes the best part of a dream is simply dreaming it, seeking it, and imagining how you get there. The chase—I love the chase.

…
(Angela's POV)

"So like, you tried to… and he wouldn't? What did he say...exactly?"

"He said he wasn't going to, you know, with me. Those were his exact words, Rickie. I just don't get it. Before, that's all he could think about. Why the sudden change? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe he just wants to be friends. Oh god, is that it? But then, what was up with that kiss? It was an amazing kiss." My head fell back against my locker with a sigh.

"Angela…"

"Here I am, again, agonizing over Jordan Catalano. It's pathetic. It's not as if he's even a person that I am capable of understanding. Why can't he just tell me how he feels? Assuming, he has feelings."

Rickie laughed at that. "And what? End the great mystery? You love it."

"But, what if it's not me? What if there's someone else? I mean, it's obviously possible. There was the whole thing with Rayanne, and even my own parents…" My eyes grew wide as I looked over to my biggest ally and confidant. "Is there someone else?"

"Angela! May I speak?"

"Sorry. It's just, why is he like this?"

"What if he changed his mind because he does…"

"Does what?" My eyes lit up with a spark of hope.

"You know, have feelings. Like, maybe he does care. About you, I mean."

"We are still talking about that same Jordan, right?"

"Well, yeah. He seems to be sticking around. I think he might have had some sort of... epiphany."

"An epiphany?"

I couldn't help but cover my lips as I held back a smile, and we soon burst into laughter. Rickie was always so insightful. He could seamlessly dig into a person, like a surgeon or something. He only ever saw what was on the inside. I supposed that was why we were friends. Both of us looked at things in a way that was too complex. More so than it had to be.

Far off in the distance, I could see Brian Krakow staring at me. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I'd never think of his gaze quite the same. He wasn't watching me with judgmental eyes. He was looking at me. No, not just looking, but really seeing me. It felt kind of intrusive. I couldn't help but think how it'd be easier if I had feelings for him instead of Jordan.

…

(Jordan's POV)

As I made my way down the crowded hallway, I caught a glimpse of Angela with Rickie. They were standing near her locker—the one that's combination I still remembered. She was laughing. That's when it occurred to me, she never laughed with me like that. It's strange how one moment, one small unimportant spec of time, can make you rethink everything. I was pulled from such a dreadful thought when I brushed shoulders with someone.

"Oh, excuse me. I'm so sorry… I-" A familiar meek voice uttered.

"Oh, Brian, right? S-sorry? I must have zoned out." Even though we had a couple of classes together, it had actually been a while since I spoke to Brian.

"It's really not a problem. I do it all the…"

"So, you have Katimski's class with Angela, right?"

"Well, yeah."

"Was anything due today? I'd ask Angela, but she'd probably get onto me for cutting. I have him for second period." I knew from watching his eyes that his mind was elsewhere. They hadn't once looked my way. It was either from discomfort or perhaps his attention was also captured by a girl. "Who are you looking at? A girl?" A smirk pulled across my lips as I looked in the same direction as him.

"No one… I mean… nothing." His words came out awkwardly.

Liar. It was Angela. He was staring at Angela. Deep down, I had no real reason to feel anger towards him, but I did. I wanted to hurt him, as if he had undressed her with his eyes. Everything had come together all at once, and I knew he was in love with her.

"We were supposed to turn in that thing about using a metaphor to describe something."

"So, I just need to describe something by comparing it to something else?"

"Basically, yes."

All I could do was walk away. I couldn't say another word to him, nor listen to anything else he had to say. My hand clenched a fist when I thought back to just a few months before...the letter.

"You're welcome." Brian uttered to himself.

I turned back and looked right into his eyes, my light piercing blue verse his darker hue. "Yeah, whatever..." Those were the only words I could muster as I walked away.

...

(Angela's POV)

The day was dragging by slowly. It's strange how you can be in the same building as someone but not cross paths. I was feeling a bit blue because I had only seen Jordan once that day at school. He had looked right at me in the hallway, but didn't bother to come over. I couldn't help but think he looked angry. What did Brian say to him? I could never bring myself to ask Jordan, but I couldn't stop myself from tapping Brian on the shoulder.

"Hey, Krakow... What were you and Jordan talking about before?"

"Why don't you ask him?" He huffed.

"Oh, so I can't ask you a question now?"

He turned to face me. "He skipped Mr. Katimski class this morning and asked if we had an assignment due. Apparently, he didn't want to ask you. Happy?"

I just nodded, for his words only added to my doubt. I rested my chin against the palm of my hand and lost myself in thought. Soon, my eyes were drawn to the clicking of the classroom door. Jordan slipped in and exchanged a brief word with Mr. Katimski and handed him a piece of paper. I quickly sat up feeling full of nerves. I wanted to look natural and looked anything but. My eyes didn't know where to look. So, they just continued to stare at Jordan. He hadn't caught my glance until he was heading out the door. He took a moment to look back at me and smiled. His warm expression brought a bit of comfort to my active mind. A grin pulled at my lips as he motioned for me to sneak out. My hand shyly pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear and I lipped no. With that, he was gone. My hand then slid down my cheek to cup my lips as my mind wandered back to this morning's kiss—such a thought made my cheeks grow warm.

"Alright class, settle down. Today, we are going to...umm...look at our metaphor assignment." Mr. Katimski paused for a moment with his hand pressed against his face. "So, go ahead and pass your work to one of your neighbors." He took a seat behind his desk and sipped on his afternoon coffee. "Ah yes, the point of this assignment is to critique your fellow classmates' work. So please, take your time, discuss, and...umm...write your notes on the bottom of the page before handing them back. Did anyone not get one?"

Rickie half raised his hand.

"Ah, you can take Mr. Catalano's then… Here, pass this back to Enrique. I mean, Rickie..."

The class chuckled at that.

My eyes were already focused on reading Brian's work. So, I barely heard what was transpiring. In truth, I found it hard to follow Brian's words. Not because I didn't understand them, but because my mind was elsewhere.

"Angela…" Rickie's voice broke my trance from behind and I turned back to face him.

"Trade with me."

"What? W-why?" I muttered and could tell our conversation caught Brian's attention.

"Just, trust me."

We switched and I quickly dove into the paper. For a second, I thought I heard Brian quietly complaining about us switching. However, his irritation was soon muted from my mind and all I could focus on was Jordan's written words. My heart sank and I felt an unexpected tear roll down my cheek (which I quickly wiped away). The Chase—I love the Chase. "Rickie, I can't critique this… He knows my handwriting."

"Yes, I know. Isn't it perfect? You can write everything you're too afraid to say."

"But isn't it like, too personal? I mean, it wasn't meant for me to read. Wouldn't he be mad that I invaded his privacy?"

"He wouldn't have written it down, and given it to a teacher if it was a big secret. It's the answers you were seeking. Call it…" He paused and said with a smiled, "fate."

A long sigh escaped me as I turned forward in my seat. My eyes stared at Jordan's tiny letters. They were barely legible. It wasn't anything like my own writing. Mine was written in large cursive. It was sloppy but curved and soft. His letters were much more angular and hard. All I could do was stare at the words. I felt lost in them and adrift to their meaning. Suddenly my mind felt blank. How could I respond to such poetry? I was known for overthinking things, and such a truth had hurt me before. For instance, the time I thought his song was about me...but this seemed different.

My eyes looked up to the clock and class was soon to end. It had been ticking away at a rapid speed. In a panic, I began to thoughtlessly write on his paper. I feared the moment would be forever lost. My ink stained Jordan's paper, and I couldn't take it back. There was no erasing. My words were final.

Just when my pen stopped, the bell rang.

"Class, please hand your partner's paper back before you go." Half the class was already scrambling out before Mr. Katimski finished.

I nervously approached him with Jordan's paper. "I critiqued Jordan's paper… So, I guess I should give it back to you?"

Mr. Katimski just silently stared at me for a moment. "Well, you're um close to Jordan, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah. I guess."

"Ms. Chase, he seems like he's doing a lot better since tutoring… Maybe it'd benefit him to listen to your thoughts? And...umm encourage him to come to class next time."

"Yeah, I'll try…" As I walked from his classroom, I folded the paper and slipped it into my jean pocket. Uncertainty ate away at me, and I knew there was no way I could hand this back to him.

…

School had been a great big blur. I walked to the buses in a daze, still unable to completely process Jordan's written words.

"Angela!" The familiar voice of my dad cried out from his parked car. At first, I wanted to smile, greet him with a hug, and tell him how I had missed him. However, the memory of my mother's melancholy left me very sour. Any happiness I felt from seeing him vanished, and all I wanted to do was curse at him. I contemplated ignoring him, but even I couldn't be that cold. So, I walked over to the passenger's side of his car. "What are you doing here?" Were the only words I could muster.

"I thought I could drive you back to the house. Maybe take you for ice cream? Before Hallie gets home for dinner." He nervously cleared his throat. "Unless you want to eat with us." Home...his choice of words were interesting. To me, home was the place we grew up...together. It wasn't a new apartment in the city. A part of me had expected that someday, he'd come back. However, he had already planted his seeds elsewhere. Now that should have been my metaphor... It was obvious my dad wanted me to like Hallie, but I despised her with all my being. She was like a villainess from a story I never wished to read—an alluring diamond design on the back of a treacherous snake. She hoped to draw you in with her outgoing personality. That's how she stuck her fangs in you. I planned to shield myself from her venom. Yet, her poison still seeped into my life destroying everything around me.

"No thanks, I already have plans with my boyfriend." I lied. "You'd have better luck with Danielle. She has been really down since you moved from your actual home. Also, I seriously doubt mom would want her around that woman. You're like, technically still married...you know?" I wanted to run. Desperately, I wanted somewhere comfortable to rest my eyes. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't focus on anything but my anger.

"Boyfriend? You mean...Jordan?"

"Why do you care?" He had some nerve to ask me that. After all, he had no right to know about my life, not since he went and created a new one for himself.

Before my dad could respond, I felt a warm hand take mine. "Are you ready Angela?" Jordan spoke with a natural calm that I could never possess. Perhaps, we balanced one another in that way.

"Yeah, let's get out of here." My eyes looked to the ground as Jordan guided me away from my dad's car. Did he mean to rescue me? I would always wonder, but never know for sure. Yet, I wanted to believe he did.

…

The ride home was quiet. I felt on the verge of tears the whole time. I fought them back only because I didn't want Jordan to see me cry. When we got to my house, I hadn't expected Jordan to follow me inside, but I was glad for it. Without him, I couldn't bear to be inside these crumbling walls.

"Do you want me to make you something to eat?"

His offer made me smile. "No, I'm not hungry." In fact, I was sure I could never eat again.

Before he could respond, the phone rang. I watched Jordan open the refrigerator as I answered. "Hello?"

"Hey Angela, did you have a good day at school?" My mom asked kindly, but I could hear the exhaustion in her voice.

"It was fine. Dad stopped by. I think he was going to pick up Danielle."

"You think or you know?"

"Well, he wanted me to go with him, but I didn't. I'm pretty sure she'd go. I mean, she still like worships him...but I didn't exactly stick around to find out. S-sorry, I just didn't expect to see him."

"Angela... you can't ignore him forever. I'll call him." She sighed, "I just hope that woman doesn't pick up."

"Are you sure? I can... if you want me too."

"It's fine, I have to face it too. You know? Are you home alone? Are the doors locked?"

It's always amazed me how my mother can just sense things. Like, she knows everything about me at all times. It's kind of a scary thought. "Yes, the doors are locked and Jordan is here."

The phone was silent for a moment.

"Hello?"

"So, you're home alone with a boy then?"

"Nothings going to happen…" I tried to whisper at which Jordan turned to me and grinned. He walked over with a small ice cream container in his hand. He took a small bite while wrapping one of his arms around my waist.

"Just make sure he goes home by seven, and stays downstairs. We'll talk about this later..."

His cold lips pressed against my neck. "Fine, later then. Bye." I quickly placed the phone back on the receiver before a soft moan escaped my lips. "Jordan…"

"So, nothing is going to happen?" He asked with a smirk and offered me a bite. "That's disappointing."

I took a bite in rebellion of my father's earlier request. I barely swallowed before his lips were on mine. His lips tasted sweet. "Do you want to go up to my room?" I didn't know where I found the confidence to ask.

He nodded and left the carton on the counter as he followed me upstairs.

Suddenly, a wave of nerves hit me. I hesitated to open the door, but he stepped forward and went in ahead of me. Jordan casually strolled in my room and fell back on my bed. I found it interesting how naturally he navigated through my life. He was comfortable with me, which always put my doubts at ease...if only for a little while.

I could feel his bright eyes upon me from across the room. I don't know why I kept a safe distance. He had already said he wasn't going to sleep with me. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't notice him reaching over for my journal, which laid on my nightstand.

"So, is this like your dairy or something?" He began to playfully open it.

Knowing he was a common topic, I rushed over to take it from him. Apparently, that was his plan all along. Once I crawled onto the bed, he grabbed me and pinned me beneath him.

"I've been thinking about you all day…" He whispered while atop me. His long dark hair hung down and tickled my cheek while his hands slid up my sides.

"Jordan, I thought you didn't want to…"

He grinned. "Angela, I'm not, but I can still make you feel good. Do you want me to?"

"To what?"

"Touch you?"

I felt a spark of electricity course through me at such a question. My body was frozen under him and all I could do was nod.

"Relax, I'll stay up here." His hand began to unbutton my blouse. I felt embarrassed for him to see my shapeless body—my small breast. After he carefully pulled my shirt off, he paused and stared at my plain white bra. His lips crashed into mine with a longing I had never felt, while his hand gently brushed my hair away from my neck. This cleared a path for his lips to wander as his hands cupped my breast. Then, they traveled behind my back and began to unclasp my bra.

"Is this ok?" He hesitated. "I want to see you."

I could feel his breath on my neck as I pondered such a request. The growing heat between my legs practically begged for it. "Yes, but you first."

A confident smile pulled at his lips as he rid himself of his own shirt.

My eyes gazed at his body and took in his slender but toned frame. I could feel the fire on my cheeks and could hear the beating of my own heart. My breathing became unsteady as I felt my bra come loose and the straps pulled from my arms.

He watched my bare chest rise and fall with a soft smile. "You're beautiful."

My hand instinctively covered my face to hide the evidence of my blushed cheeks and wide smile.

"Angela, you can't hide from me." His strong hands grabbed my wrists and held them above my head. He then took one of my nipples into his mouth.

All I could do was bite down on my lower lip at such a sensation. I couldn't stop my hips from moving up against his.

He took both my wrists into one hand as his other moved down to grope my untouched breast. The movement of his tongue against my nipple forced me to moan. "J-jordan." I could feel him pressed against me through my pants, which only made the growing wetness of my sex seep through the fabric.

A sharp breath escaped his hungry lips as he started to grind into me. "I better stop…"

"What? Why? Can't you just?" The words spilled from my lips, and I begged for something I didn't even understand.

My pleas made him smirk. "Can't I just what? Make you come?" He searched my eyes for answers. "Have you ever made yourself...?"

My head swayed from side to side shyly.

"God, I want you so badly right now." Both his hands slid down to my pants. He stopped his advancement at the feeling of something bunched up in my pocket.

"What's this?" After reaching in my pocket, he pulled out his folded paper with my note.

"Nothing!" I quickly sprung up.

"M—my paper? Why do you have this?"

"I was going to tell you. Honestly, I just didn't have the chance." My hand nervously pushed my hair back. "Mr. Katimski made us write notes on each other's assignment, and I ended up with yours."

"Notes? And what note did you write?" He began to study the page.

"Jordan, wait. Please, don't read it…"

"You read mine…" When he finally looked down, he saw three powerful words written. An unfamiliar expression consumed his face. He looked...stunned as if he had never read such words. "Angela…is this true?"

My whole body trembled and I nodded silently. Quickly, I felt his lips upon mine again. His kiss was hard and deep, beyond any passion we had ever shared. Jordan sucked my lower lip into his mouth as he pushed his hand into my pants. His finger found my swollen nub and began to move in circular waves before penetrating my untouched sex. Pleasure consumed my body, and I didn't even feel self-conscious about my natural state.

I took in a sharp breath. Jordan was inside me and I had never felt so connected to him before. My eyes fell shut at the feeling of his finger carefully moving within me, while his thumb continued it's sensual movement on my clit.

"Angela...look at me. Focus on my eyes."

Behind rosy cheeks, my eyes were hypnotized by bright pools of blue. I could sink to impossible depths within them—get lost in the sea that was Jordan Catalano. I could have happily drowned in that sea, for I was breathless—breathless from his passionate kiss. The feeling of his tongue dancing against my own, of his rough hand caressing my breast—teasing my nipple, and of the warm vibrations he sent through my womanhood was almost too much at once. My back arched, my toes curled, and my lips let out a loud moan. Heavy breaths followed my release and I felt Jordan's arms wrap around me. As my heart rate began to slow back to a steady rhythm, Jordan tenderly kissed my forehead.

There are moments in your life when you know that things will never be the same as before. This was one of those moments. I had drawn a line, but purposely left it open for Jordan to waltz through. He filled in the blank space with his touch, and now we could never go back. We'd always have this new found intimacy between us. The only place to go from here was forward. Such a thought, both excited and terrified me. Once you belong to someone fully and they belong to you, there's this underlying fear that someday they could be taken from you.

"Angela?" Jordan sat up next to me, and pulled me into his arms.

"Yeah?" My head nuzzled into his warm bare chest as my fingers softly stroked his hand.

"Tell me what you're thinking..."

I wasn't used to Jordan asking me about my thoughts. My expression must have been serious to prompt such a request. In truth, I felt like I was always saying my thoughts anyway. It's strange when someone asks you what you're thinking. It's like the ideas run away from you and leave you thoughtless. "I don't know. I suppose I was thinking that I wish things could always be like this."

"I wish I could say they could be…"

His honesty stung a bit, but I wouldn't let it ruin the moment. Besides, the way held me made me feel like he wouldn't let the moment go.

We fell asleep like that—both shirtless and tangled in each other's arms.

…

"Angela? Why did you leave the ice cream out to melt?" My mother's voice broke the silence in my room. She flicked on the light switch and nearly blinded me—well, us.

Seconds later, we were all in an uproar, except Jordan. He remained calm through it all. She came in so fast, I didn't have time to react and hide my bare chest. Words were exchanged between us that I hope to never hear or say again.

"I better leave." Jordan muttered as he slipped into his shirt, and I did the same.

"No, you stay right there. You need to hear this too." My mom said sternly.

"You don't have to stay…" I tried to assure him, but he stayed and stood by me silently.

"You're going to have to grow up Angela. Your dad isn't here anymore and I am doing this all alone. Did you even think to check in on your sister? Wonder why she wasn't home yet?"

"We fell asleep. It was an accident."

"Fell asleep together? After I told you not to come upstairs! What if you get pregnant Angela?"

"Nothing happened!"

"Oh, you really expect me to believe that when I find you in your bed shirtless? How stupid do you think I am?"

"I'm sorry, Patty. We didn't have sex, if that's what you think."

"Well, that's comforting to hear it from you." She shook her head.

"It's true, but I'm not saying it won't happen. I just want to be honest with you. We could have, but I'm trying to move slowly knowing everything that's going on around here. But if we do, I will umm...use something. To...you know, prevent the whole pregnancy thing."

My hand covered my face as I heard Jordan admitting that the possibility of us having sex was...possible.

She sighed. "I can't handle this right now. I'm already exhausted. Fine, just do whatever you want Angela." Somehow my mother being dismissive of me was more painful than her lecture. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks as I watched her walk away in sheer disappointment.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No... you should probably go."

"Ok," His hand reached up and scratched the back of his head. "I'll see you in the morning?"

I nodded and he kissed me on the forehead and left me standing by my window, alone.

I felt guilty, like I had failed my mother in some way. I don't know why. Surely, she knew this was normal? Surely, she had done the same? So, why did I have to feel so ashamed?

…

"Mom?" My voice trailed through her closed door some odd amount of hours later.

"Come in…" The sound of her voice made me feel guilty. I knew it was my fault that she was still awake.

When I entered her room, I kept a distance near the door. I waited for her to speak, but she didn't… "I'm sorry, ok? I know I messed up. I mess up everything." My lower lips trembled.

My mom let out a long breath and put the magazine she was reading down by her side. "Angela, you know I don't think that. I just feel like I'm losing control of everything. You and your sister are gone all day, and then you come home to an empty house most of the time. I just—I don't know what I can do about it. You're sixteen. I mean, it's not like I can stop you. Can I? Tell me, can I reasonably stop you from sleeping with Jordan?"

I stayed silent and dared not to answer that.

"Well, I know I can't. I know it's hard for you to believe, but I was sixteen once too. I did it. I'm not proud of it, but I had sex."

I was surprised by her honesty. "But I thought you dated dad in college?"

"Not with your dad…" She gave me a strange look.

"With who?"

"Remember that friend that was supposed to come over and talk to me about opening the restaurant? Well, he was a lot like Jordan. He was handsome, kind of aloof, and my dad hated him." She laughed, but then her face turned more serious. "It scares me Angela. It scares the hell out of me. And I'm not just talking about pregnancy. I'm worried about him hurting you."

"He won't…" I said, but even I didn't believe my own words.

"He will."

...

Present

The thing about emotional pain is that it hides from you, like the new moon. You can't see it or feel its presence, but it's there hiding in darkness. Years go by, and you think you've healed from past experiences. Until one day, they come walking through your door. My eye watched him inspecting my apartment. This situation felt like an event that had already happened. Perhaps, it had. Maybe it was happening somewhere else in another place in another time. "Deja vu..." I mumbled to myself.

"What's that?"

"Oh, nothing. I just can't help but feel like we've been here before."

Just then, my phone rang.

"Excuse me while I get that."

He simply nodded.

I left him standing in my living room, which gave me time to regroup. "Hello?"

"I'm glad you made it home" Sharon's voice came through. "Is he with you? I didn't have a chance to even talk to you… I mean, I know this is like a huge deal, Angela...after everything that happened. Are you ok? Is he there?" She asked again.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'll tell you all about it... tomorrow. Anyways, what about you? Did you have a good night?"

"Terrible! The guy totally ditched me when he found out I had a kid."

"I'm sorry to hear that…" I started but heard footsteps creeping up from behind me. "I hate to hang up like this, but really…can we maybe have coffee in the morning or something?"

"So, he's not spending the night?" She teased.

"Spending the night? I, um, I don't know."

"Just call me when he leaves." Sharon laughed. "And use a condom. Trust me."

"A condom?!"

"Bye!"

I quickly hung up and turned to Jordan, who was standing behind me. No words were spoken between us before I sprung forward and locked my arms around his neck. I kissed him with the longing ache of a broken heart that was centuries old. The spark between us had never gone out. The way he held me and returned my kiss was testament to that.

…

To be continued…

(Thanks for reading! The next chapter is the one I've been so excited to write.)