AN: Hey! Sorry for the wait. I've been really busy. I will try to keep up better when I can.

I do not own anything recognizable.

Chapter 9

TJ sat a few seats away from Cyrus during English. It was the fourth week of school, and Cyrus still hadn't said anything to his parents, causing the two not to be able to be open about their relationship in public. TJ sat and watched Cyrus going about his own business from what seemed to him to be worlds away.

TJ had spoken to Cyrus a few times, but he didn't want to push too much. He worked hard to hold onto the understanding that if he was in Cyrus's position, he wouldn't want anyone pressuring him. The longer Cyrus waited, though, the less TJ felt like their relationship was legitimate. Of course he knew it wasn't illegitimate – they both really liked each other and wanted to stay with each other – TJ just felt that not being able to share his happiness with others took some of its significance away.

TJ was thankful that he still got to hang out with Cyrus a lot and go on a few dates, despite Cyrus wanting to be careful in public.

It was Friday, and he had planned to meet Cyrus and Jonah after school to play some video games. The three of them gathered outside the school and went to Jonah's house, as his parents had to work late that day.

They all met up with all of their usual cheer. TJ did not appear too down about Cyrus not wanting to be out. In fact, he was about to go hang out with just people who already knew, so he wouldn't have to hide anything or keep his relationship a secret.

For most of their gathering, they enjoyed themselves. As usual, they laughed with each other, played some games, and just had a good time. Unfortunately, it is difficult to maintain that atmosphere when someone has something on their mind that they just can't escape. The elephant in the room was just too great.

At one point, TJ looked over at Cyrus and saw Cyrus laughing. Whenever Cyrus laughed, TJ lit up as well, as it was one of those things about Cyrus he found to be adorable and charming. Knowing he was with Cyrus in those moments gave him that warm feeling inside for which he always yearned. This time, however, that feeling did not last. After that warm euphoria passed, he felt sadness. The smile on his face was wiped away as he thought about how he couldn't express his feelings for Cyrus other than to a small group of people. He felt held back; he felt that his and Cyrus's relationship was held back. TJ thought about how Cyrus's caution in public could sometimes make him feel more distant from Cyrus.

While Jonah and Cyrus continued to have a good time, TJ buried his emotions until it was about time for him to leave.

As TJ gathered his things, he turned to Cyrus, "Have you told them yet?" he asked in an anticipatory tone, referring to Cyrus's parents.

"No," Cyrus responded with a sigh. Although TJ was not deliberately trying to pressure Cyrus, Cyrus felt the pressure. He worried about TJ's feelings on the matter, but his own feelings were that he just simply wasn't ready.

"Do you have any idea when you might?" TJ asked.

"I don't know."

"Well, just let me know when you do."

The two of them got to the point where all of their conversations on the matter pretty much went the same. TJ would ask, Cyrus would say it hasn't happened and didn't know when it would, and TJ would concede. Neither wanted to talk about the topic for too long because it weighed on both of them. TJ was frustrated, and while Cyrus wanted to come out, he needed more time.

Since TJ was in a hurry to get home, Cyrus did not walk with him. They hugged goodbye.

"Hey Cyrus, can you stay and talk for a little bit?" Jonah asked.

"About what?' Cyrus asked curiously.

Jonah was hesitant to ask about the topic, and he wasn't quite sure how to do it. He wanted to learn, though, so he continued.

"About being gay," Jonah answered.

Cyrus paused and made a perplexed expression. "What do you want to know?" he asked skeptically.

"I just want to know what you're going through," Jonah said, not quite sure of his answer, "or how that might impact your life in a way that I might not understand."

Piqued by Jonah's curiosity, Cyrus agreed to stay and answer questions that Jonah had. "Ask your questions, then. I'll answer them."

The two of them sat down for their conversation.

"Why is coming out such a big deal?" Jonah asked innocently. "TJ seems to be upset that you aren't doing it, and I just don't get why it has to be this big thing." He recalled when Cyrus came out to him and his response was simply "ok, cool." He truly didn't understand why anyone would respond any other way.

Cyrus gave a sort of hopeless chuckle and said, "I don't know. It seems kind of messed up, doesn't it?"

Cyrus's admission of this was intriguing to Jonah.

"Then why don't you just come out to your parents?" Jonah asked.

"Because the world doesn't work that way."

"Well, shouldn't it?"

"I think it should, but it doesn't."

Jonah was perplexed, and although none of this really applied to him, he seemed defeated by the reality of Cyrus's situation.

"I know it's not all of who you are," Jonah said, "but because it's something we don't talk about much, what's your story?"

Jonah was interested. More than anything else, he just wanted to learn. He wanted to know what Cyrus felt when he came out. He was curious about how that process was for Cyrus. They were close friends, and while Cyrus was a very empathetic person and could usually read people well enough to help them out with just about everything, this was something that was really difficult for Jonah to understand because he had never been in that position.

Before Cyrus could respond, he took several moments to think. He knew he was entering dangerous territory because of the person to whom he was talking. He filtered some thoughts out, and he began to give the redacted version of the story.

"Do you remember Iris?" Cyrus asked

"How could I not?" Jonah replied with laughter. "We went to the carnival, and you threw up in your shoe after riding the carousel!"

The memory made Cyrus cringe and laugh at the same time. "Yes, that was quite a day," he said in some not-so-pleasurable reminiscence. "Anyway, that was about the time I figured out I was gay."

"I guess that explains why you two weren't together very much."

"Yeah." Cyrus skipped several parts of the story to say, "I talked to Buffy about it."

"Of all people, you went to Buffy first?" Jonah asked in horrified amazement. "She probably would have scared me the most," he acknowledged her toughness.

"We've been friends forever," Cyrus responded, dismissing Jonah's fear of his best friend. "She was really supportive. I pretty much leaned on her more than anyone else while I tried to figure this out."

"Well that's good."

"Yeah. I ended up figuring out that I should break up with Iris because it just didn't feel right to be with her," Cyrus explained. "In fact, I even told Buffy that the second time Iris and I kissed, I felt like I'd rather be watching a violent reptile documentary."

Jonah wasn't sure whether to laugh or be a little bit frightened.

"It took a while for me to get to tell Andi. In fact, Buffy had pushed me to do it, and when I finally did, she wasn't sure it was the right time. I waited so long that she was concerned I was about to say something I wasn't ready to say."

"When did you finally tell her?"

"At my bar mitzvah," Cyrus revealed.

"I guess that makes sense, since it was after you met TJ," Jonah guessed.

"Actually, I didn't have a crush on TJ yet," Cyrus clarified, holding back from saying that there was another guy he liked at the time.

"Eventful day," Jonah remarked.

"It certainly was," Cyrus confirmed. "And then you were the next person I told."

"Wow, a lot of time passed between each time you told someone."

"Yeah. This summer was big because so many more people know. Now I'm worried about my parents."

"Can I ask something else?" Jonah asked as if this wasn't the whole point of this conversation.

"Sure."

"Why did you decide to tell me when you did? At your grandmother's Shiva? Why was that the right time?"

Cyrus began to miss Bubby Rose again. "I was sitting and talking to Andi about how I was afraid to tell Bubby Rose. I regretted not telling her before it was too late. I still do, actually. Anyway, you came up. I asked them how I was supposed to tell you. They told me just to do it, so I did."

"Wait," Jonah said, "were you afraid to tell me?"

"Very," Cyrus responded.

"Why?"

"Several reasons, I guess. I hadn't been as close to you as long as I had been to Andi and Buffy. They made it really easy on me, and I wasn't sure what you were going to say."

"Did I say the right thing?" Jonah asked, seeming to forget how the tension in that moment went away pretty much immediately after Cyrus said it.

"It was the best response I could have hoped for," Cyrus said.

"Why did you just bring it up out of nowhere?" Jonah said after sitting for another few seconds to reflect on whatever questions he had and his recollections of the events that took place.

"Well, I actually tried to find you right after I talked to Andi and Buffy so that I wouldn't lose the courage they had given me," Cyrus explained, "but when I did find you, it wasn't a good time."

Jonah had a moment of realization. "I was having a panic attack," he recounted, "You came to find me so that you could tell me, but you completely dropped that to help me."

"Yep," Cyrus confirmed.

"You said that you forgot why you came for me, but you didn't. You just didn't want to seem like you were making the moment about you," Jonah's epiphany made him appreciate Cyrus as a friend even more than he had before. "You really are a good friend."

"It was nothing," Cyrus said. "It wouldn't have been natural anyway."

Every time Cyrus helped him with something, Jonah felt bad because he thought he could never be as good a friend as Cyrus was. Of course this wasn't true – they were both pure authentic people with calming presences – but this realization made Jonah feel even more as though he could be a better friend to just about everyone, especially Cyrus.

They sat for a minute, and they reflected on that day. To Cyrus's shock, however, Jonah was not done asking questions.

"If you don't mind me asking," Jonah started cautiously, "how did you know you were gay?"

The question stunned Cyrus. This was the one question that he did not want to answer to Jonah. It was the one thing that he hoped Jonah wouldn't ask.

"Well, I didn't really feel all that great about dating Iris," he eased into his answer.

"Yeah?" Jonah prodded.

Cyrus knew that if he was going to be friends with Jonah, he wouldn't be able to hide the truth from him forever. "In fact," he paused, "there was a guy I had a crush on; it was my first crush."

"Oh, really? Who?" Jonah asked, unsuspecting and intrigued.

Cyrus hesitated. He started to shake again. He was nervous that this revelation could ruin their friendship, and he didn't want that. He was visibly shaken, and he hesitated long enough so that Jonah had to recapture his attention.

"Cyrus?" he questioned, beginning to get concerned.

"Jonah," Cyrus sighed, "there's a reason I told Buffy first and waited a long time to tell Andi."

Jonah looked puzzled. Cyrus didn't say another word. Jonah thought about what reason that could possibly be. Slowly, he began to come to the realization of what Cyrus was talking about. He looked up at Cyrus slowly, this time seeing the fear in Cyrus's eyes. He was amazed and didn't say a word. He just continued to look directly at Cyrus's face in complete shock about this discovery.

"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to ruin my friendship with you or Andi," Cyrus explained through his fearfully croaking voice, "and then we became such good friends that I thought that telling you that would be a disaster for our friendship."

"How long did you have that crush?" Jonah asked, curious of the answer.

"Until shortly before I realized that I liked TJ," Cyrus replied, "and I don't think that was a coincidence."

Jonah didn't say anything, which actually prompted Cyrus to talk more so that he could clear up anything that may have been a misunderstanding.

"I want to be your friend," Cyrus said. "I never wanted this to get in the way of that. That's why I didn't tell you. It would have been pointless."

He paused.

"But you wanted to know how I knew. That's how. That's the truth."

Jonah saw his friend being torn between honesty and the ability to let go of the past. He appreciated that Cyrus understood that there wasn't any reason to tell him about his crush, but hated that Cyrus had to hang onto that for so long.

"Cyrus," he said comfortingly, "you are a great friend. I'd be an idiot to give something like our friendship up because of something that happened in the past." He paused and then said with a laugh, "Especially when it's flattering."

This made Cyrus laugh, too. "So it doesn't change anything?" Cyrus sought assurance.

"Of course not," Jonah said as though it should have been obvious. "Being friends means that you'll always be there for each other."

Cyrus looked up at Jonah with a small grin. "Always?"

"Always."

The two of them took a few minutes to sit and let their emotions through after their unprecedented heart-to-heart. Once they were able to gather themselves, Cyrus took off and went home. He had had quite the emotional week. It wasn't over, either.

Andi was busy at art school because she had a lot of projects, so she wasn't around all that often. She had been able to find a gap in her schedule over the weekend, so she wanted to meet Buffy and Cyrus at The Spoon on Saturday. Jonah couldn't make it then; although he was disappointed, he knew that he would have other opportunities to hang out with Andi. Besides, at The Spoon on Saturday, it would just be the original Good Hair Crew.

Cyrus got a good night's sleep Friday night after meeting with Jonah and TJ, and he went to The Spoon early in the afternoon to meet Andi and Buffy. When he arrived, Buffy was already there, but Andi was not. She sat at a table facing the door, and Cyrus sat down across from her with his back turned to the door.

"How are you?" she asked.

"Good," Cyrus responded. "Is Andi on her way?"

Right on cue, Andi walked in the door.

"ANDI!" they both shouted, as they didn't get to see each other very often. They both stood up to greet her with a hug.

She sat down next to Buffy.

They did quite a bit of catching up. Andi talked about how she was enjoying SAVA a lot. It was a lot of work to keep up with everything, but she found it to be a very rewarding program. She absolutely loved her projects, even though they took up all of her time. Buffy and Cyrus shared her excitement and enthusiasm for the program.

"What are your teachers like?" Cyrus asked excitedly, "I bet they're super weird!"

"They're pretty weird actually," Andi confirmed, "They remind me of you."

Buffy laughed.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Cyrus said smugly.

"How are your classmates?" Buffy asked curiously. "Have you made any new friends?"

"They're such cool people. There's this one girl I talk to all the time in my art history class," Andi said. "But I missed you guys so much! No one could ever replace you!"

"We miss you, too," Buffy assured Andi.

Cyrus told Andi about his struggles with TJ and how TJ was pushing him to come out to his parents so that they could be open as a couple in public.

"You haven't done that yet?" Andi asked understandingly.

"Why does everyone seem so shocked by that?" Cyrus defended.

"It's alright. You'll know when you're ready," Andi assured.

"I know that TJ doesn't want to pressure me," said Cyrus, "but he is. I just wish he could be more patient."

"It'll be alright," said Andi. "You two really seemed to hit it off this summer."

They also caught up with Buffy and got updates on her relationship with Marty.

"That's going well," she said. "We don't hang out as much as we did in the summer because of school and everything, but we're really good."

Buffy had also joined the girls' basketball team. She decided not to challenge Marty in track; they decided that because of how competitive they both were, it would be better if they each had their own thing.

A little ways through lunch, Cyrus brought up the topic that was freshest on his mind.

"I had an interesting conversation with Jonah last night," he said in a way to suggest that he was keeping his friends in suspense about the conversation's contents.

"About what?" Andi asked.

"He asked how I found out that I was gay," he said as he casually sipped through his straw.

Andi and Buffy looked at each other with a look of mutual understanding that this conversation could go somewhere bad, so they intended to proceed with caution.

"What did you tell him?" Buffy asked with hesitancy.

"The truth," Cyrus responded swiftly.

"I thought you said you would never tell him how you felt," Buffy recalled.

"I also said that when it comes to Jonah Beck, I've been wrong about everything," Cyrus beat Buffy at this memory game that she was playing. "And that still stands to be true."

"How did he take it?" Andi questioned.

"He said that it didn't change anything," Cyrus's tone mellowed out now that the suspense was over. "He doesn't want something that happened in the past to affect our friendship now, so I don't think it's going to be an issue."

"Well that's good," Buffy said, "I'm glad you don't have to hold onto that anymore."

"Believe me, me too," Cyrus said. "We had a longer conversation. He wanted to learn more about my coming out."

"What did you talk about?" asked Andi.

"I told him about what my thoughts were about not having told Bubby Rose before she passed. I told him that I told you at my bar mitzvah and Buffy well before that."

Cyrus filled in some of the details that Andi and Buffy didn't have about his coming out to them and how he found Jonah in the midst of a panic attack.

"I even told him about how I felt with Iris. What a time, huh?"

The three of them all laughed.

"Can you believe I had a crush on Jonah Beck?" Cyrus said, continuing to laugh.

"WHAT?!" a new voice in the conversation rang out.

Andi's and Buffy's expressions dropped as they stared at the door. Cyrus's laughter halted, as he wondered what was going on. He looked back to where they were staring.

They all stared at TJ, who stood there motionless, stunned by what he had just heard.

Chapter 10 Coming Soon!