Chapter 11: Linguini Gets Schooled

There was an attack over in Bristol yesterday, several Muggle families were killed and some students had to be called home because of it. Dumbledore set up a Dueling Club in response, hoping to prepare us for when we go home – whether it's for Christmas holidays or summer ones. I usually try to stay out of fights, but I know I have to be prepared for when I eventually get drawn into one. How can I protect my brothers and my friends if I can't even protect myself?

The news that Colin Creevey had been attacked and was now lying as though dead in the hospital wing had spread through Gryffindor tower by the following morning. Leo himself had heard it during the first of many early-morning detentions he had with McGonagall. Whilst writing "I must not attack a professor" - he put the word 'professor' in quotation marks, McGonagall was not amused – over and over again, Flitwick had walked in and questioned her if the Creevey boy was alright. Naturally, this raised Leo's curiosity.

McGonagall had promptly shooed him from the room, instructing him to keep what he had heard to himself. Leo wasn't sure why she had told him this as, once he got to the Gryffindor Common Room, everyone in his house already knew. Amongst cheers and claps on the back from the Gryffindor boys for his attack on Lockhart, he managed to discover that Creevey had been petrified. Just like Mrs. Norris.

Shortly after that, Hermione and Ron had dragged him away to go work on the Polyjuice Potion back in Moaning Myrtle's – a girl who died fifty some-odd years ago in the girl's bathroom and now haunted it – bathroom. Leo was half-tempted to tell them about the passage on the fourth floor but ultimately decided against it since it was a Marauder secret.

They picked a stall and set up the cauldron – Leo lighting a waterproof fire beneath it – and Hermione set to work with Ron reading out instructions and Leo handing over ingredients. They were about to add in knotgrass when they heard the bathroom door open and fell silent.

"It's me," Harry's voice called, followed by the sound of the door closing behind him.

Hermione let out a gasp and opened the door.

"Harry!" she said. "You gave us such a fright — come in. How's your arm?"

"Fine," said Harry, squeezing into the stall after Leo exited to make room for him.

Despite the fact that Lockhart had been unable to do any sort of damage to Harry's already broken arm, Pomfrey had insisted on him staying overnight for observation after healing the break. Leo felt that was for the best – the strict matron would most certainly keep Lockhart out and stop him from interfering with her work.

"We'd've come to meet you, but we decided to get started on the Polyjuice Potion," Ron explained. "We've decided this is the safest place to hide it."

Harry started to tell them about Colin, but Hermione interrupted.

"We already know — we heard from some of Colin's friends when he wasn't in bed this morning. That's why we decided we'd better get going —"

"The sooner we get a confession out of Zabini, the better," snarled Ron. "D'you know what I think? He was in such a foul temper after the Quidditch match, he took it out on Colin."

"Nah, that doesn't sound like him," Leo remarked, leaning over to check on Hermione's work. "I reckon he's just flexing – figuring out what he can do and what his limits are. Colin was just a stepping stone to something bigger."

"Like what?" Ron inquired curiously.

Leo merely gave a shrug, not entirely sure.

"There's something else," said Harry as Hermione tore bundles of knotgrass and threw them into the potion. "Dobby came to visit me in the middle of the night."

Leo blinked at him in surprise. Harry told them about how Dobby had both closed the barrier and set the Bludger on him. Leo remarked that Dobby would end up doing him in long before the monster even got close if he kept it up. He received murmurs of agreement all around before Harry told them the most important bit -

"The Chamber of Secrets has been opened before?" Hermione said.

"This settles it," said Ron in a triumphant voice. "Zabini's father must've opened the Chamber when he was at school here and must've left some sort of instructions for his son on how to do it. It's obvious. Wish Dobby'd told you what kind of monster's in there, though. I want to know how come nobody's noticed it sneaking around the school."

"Maybe it can make itself invisible," said Hermione, prodding leeches to the bottom of the cauldron. "Or maybe it can disguise itself — pretend to be a suit of armor or something — I've read about Chameleon Ghouls —"

Leo wondered if, perhaps, the creature was getting around the same way Pettigrew was.

By Monday morning, everyone had heard about Creevey. The air was suddenly thick with rumor and suspicion. The first years were now moving around the castle in tight-knit groups, as though scared they would be attacked if they ventured forth alone.

Ginny Weasley, who sat next to Colin Creevey in Charms, was distraught, and Leo felt that Fred and George were going the right way about cheering her up. They were taking turns covering themselves with fur or boils and jumping out at her from behind statues. They only stopped when Percy, apoplectic with rage, told them he was going to write to Mrs. Weasley and tell her Ginny was having nightmares. Leo said that the only thing that was giving her nightmares was Percy prancing about yelling at everyone. He lost five points that day.

Meanwhile, hidden from the teachers, a roaring trade in talismans, amulets, and other protective devices was sweeping the school. Neville Longbottom bought a large, evil-smelling green onion, a pointed purple crystal, and a rotting newt tail from Leo – who was testing to see whether anyone would buy this garbage - before the other Gryffindor boys pointed out that he was in no danger; he was a pure-blood, and therefore unlikely to be attacked.

"They went for Filch first," Neville said, his round face fearful. "And everyone knows I'm almost a Squib."

"Almost isn't quite, Nev," Leo replied, reluctantly taking his items back and refunding the boy under Hermione's intense glare. "You're still magical and – most importantly – a pure-blood. That's all that mattered to old Sally."

Neville seemed somewhat cheered by this thought.

In the second week of December McGonagall came around, as usual, collecting names of those who would be staying at school for Christmas. Harry, Ron, and Hermione signed her list, Leo did not. He had gotten an invitation from Remus about staying over for the Christmas holidays and had gladly accepted. Harry, who didn't know about Remus, just assumed that he wanted to get away from Hogwarts for a bit and stay at Grimmauld. Leo didn't bother to correct him.

Most of the Slytherins – including Zabini and Draco – would also be staying for Christmas. Harry, Ron, and Hermione – whom Leo dubbed 'The Trio of Righteousness' - decided that would be the perfect opportunity to worm a confession out of Zabini. The only snag: the potion was only half-finished. They still needed bicorn horn and boomslang skin.

Leo approached Draco one afternoon a few days before their double potions class and asked if he could get the ingredients. When Draco asked why he needed it, Leo informed him that it was 'for Linguini'. He had the ingredients the following day. When asked how he had obtained them, Draco simply shrugged and stated that he told Snape he needed it for Lockhart. Leo had snorted with laughter at this.

Potions lessons took place in one of the large dungeons. Thursday afternoon's lesson proceeded in the usual way. Twenty cauldrons stood steaming between the wooden desks, on which stood brass scales and jars of ingredients. Snape prowled through the fumes, making waspish remarks about the Gryffindors' work while the Slytherins snickered appreciatively.

At the beginning of class, Leo dragged Draco to the back along with the other Gryffindors, who looked at the pair with a mixture of surprise and suspicion. He angled himself at the end of the table where he would have a good line of sight to Zabini's cauldron. He grinned wickedly before schooling his expression as Snape strode by to check on his and Draco's potion. It had been too long since he had caused any sort of mischief around the school – and it would be an even longer time once he took off for Christmas holidays.

Leo concentrated on the flame below the cauldron that contained Zabini's Swelling Solution, willing the temperature to increase. The blonde had discovered that, while he wasn't yet able to conjure flames non-verbally or without the use of his wand, the same principle did not apply to fire that was already there. If he concentrated hard enough, he was able to increase and decrease the fire's heat level and power and had, on occasion, been able to snuff it out altogether.

It took a full minute for the flame to rise to its desired temperature and do what Leo wanted: which was make Zabini's solution explode. People shrieked as splashes of the Swelling Solution hit them. Zabini got a faceful and his head began to swell like a balloon, matching his ego. Goyle blundered around, his hands over his eyes, which had expanded to the size of a dinner plate — Snape was trying to restore calm and find out what had happened.

"Silence! SILENCE!" Snape roared. "Anyone who has been splashed, come here for a Deflating Draught — when I find out who did this —"

Leo tried not to laugh as he watched Zabini hurry forward, his head practically scraping the ground at this point. As half the class lumbered up to Snape's desk, some weighted down with arms like clubs, others unable to talk through gigantic puffed-up lips, Leo silently high-fived Draco under the table.

When everyone had taken a swig of antidote and the various swellings had subsided, Snape swept over to Zabini's cauldron, trying to find evidence of foul play. Despite not finding anything, he glared at Leo, who set about putting the finishing touches on his potion. He didn't think he'd be able to keep a straight face if he made direct eye contact with the man.

"If I ever find out who tampered with this potion," Snape whispered, "I shall make sure that person is expelled."

Leo refrained from commenting that Zabini could very well have just screwed up. He didn't think Snape would find it quite as amusing as everyone else in the class would.

A week later, Leo and the Trio were walking across the entrance hall when they saw a small knot of people gathered around the notice board, reading a piece of parchment that had just been pinned up. Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas beckoned them over, looking excited.

"They're starting a Dueling Club!" said Seamus. "First meeting tonight! I wouldn't mind dueling lessons; they might come in handy one of these days..."

"What, you reckon Slytherin's monster can duel?" said Ron, but he, too, read the sign with interest.

"Not likely," Leo snorted with amusement. "If it doesn't have opposable thumbs, it can't hold a wand – or sword, if you're into that sort of thing – and therefore can't duel."

"Still, it could be useful," Ron shrugged as they went down to dinner. "Shall we go?"

Leo shrugged, stating that he had nothing better to do than to blast people on their arse in a school-sanctioned duel. And so, eight o'clock that evening he and his friends hurried back to the Great Hall. The long dining tables had vanished and a golden stage had appeared along one wall, lit by thousands of candles floating overhead. The ceiling was velvety black once more and most of the school seemed to be packed beneath it, all carrying their wands and looking excited.

"I wonder who'll be teaching us?" said Hermione as they edged into the chattering crowd. "Someone told me Flitwick was a dueling champion when he was young — maybe it'll be him."

"Long as it's not McGonagall," Leo groused. "Don't reckon she'd let me within a hundred feet of a Dueling Club if she was heading it. Too many possible injuries."

"I don't care who it is, as long as it's not —" Harry began, but he ended on a groan alongside Leo: Gilderoy Lockhart was walking onto the stage, resplendent in robes of deep plum and accompanied by none other than Snape, wearing his usual black.

Leo grinned wickedly upon spotting the Potions professor, hopeful that the two would give a demonstration.

Lockhart waved an arm for silence and called "Gather round, gather round! Can everyone see me? Can you all hear me? Excellent!

"Now, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little dueling club, to train you all in case you ever need to defend yourselves as I myself have done on countless occasions — for full details, see my published works."

"Why would he want us to read his books if he wants us to learn something?" Leo mumbled in a bewildered tone, eliciting snorts of laughter from Harry and Ron.

"Let me introduce my assistant, Professor Snape," said Lockhart, flashing a wide smile. "He tells me he knows a tiny little bit about dueling himself and has sportingly agreed to help me with a short demonstration before we begin. Now, I don't want any of you youngsters to worry — you'll still have your Potions master when I'm through with him, never fear!"

"I'm more worried about us still having our Defense professor," Leo snickered, eyes shining gleefully as he watched the two.

Snape's upper lip curled, and the blonde's grin grew even wider. With an expression like that, it was sure to be quite the show.

Lockhart and Snape turned to face each other and bowed; at least, Lockhart did, with much twirling of his hands, whereas Snape jerked his head irritably. Then they raised their wands like swords in front of them.

"As you see, we are holding our wands in the accepted combative position," Lockhart told the silent crowd. "On the count of three, we will cast our first spells. Neither of us will be aiming to kill, of course."

"Aww," Leo pouted, earning bouts of laughter from the people closest to him.

"One — two — three —"

Both of them swung their wands above their heads and pointed them at their opponent; Snape cried: "Expelliarmus!" There was a dazzling flash of scarlet light and Lockhart was blasted off his feet: He flew backward off the stage, smashed into the wall, and slid down it to sprawl on the floor. Leo wished he still had Dudley's camera at that moment.

Draco and some of the other Slytherins cheered. Hermione was dancing on tiptoes. "Do you think he's alright?" she squealed through her fingers.

"Who cares?" said Harry and Ron together at the same time as Leo replied, "I hope not."

Lockhart was getting unsteadily to his feet. His hat had fallen off and his wavy hair was standing on end.

"Well, there you have it!" he said, tottering back onto the platform. "That was a Disarming Charm — as you see, I've lost my wand — ah, thank you, Miss Brown — yes, an excellent idea to show them that, Professor Snape, but if you don't mind my saying so, it was very obvious what you were about to do. If I had wanted to stop you it would have been only too easy — however, I felt it would be instructive to let them see..."

Snape was looking murderous, and Leo didn't blame him. Possibly Lockhart had noticed, because he said, "Enough demonstrating! I'm going to come amongst you now and put you all into pairs. Professor Snape, if you'd like to help me —"

They moved through the crowd, matching up partners. Lockhart teamed Neville with Justin Finch-Fletchley, but Snape reached Harry and Ron first.

"Time to split up the dream team, I think," he sneered. "Weasley, you can partner Finnigan. Potter —"

Harry moved automatically toward Hermione.

"I don't think so," said Snape, smiling coldly. "Mr. Malfoy, come over here. Let's see what you make of the famous Potter. And you, Miss Granger — you can partner Miss Bulstrode. Black." He seemed to pause for a moment. "You can partner with Mr. Zabini."

"Who?" Leo frowned as Zabini strutted through the crowd toward him. "Oh! You mean Linguini. Hiya, Linguini."

"I'm going to wipe the smugness from your face, Black," Zabini snarled.

"Doubtful, but you're welcome to try," Leo smiled pleasantly.

"Face your partners!" called Lockhart, back on the platform. "And bow!"

Zabini gave a minuscule incline of his head. Leo merely itched his nose with the middle finger of his left hand.

"Wands at the ready!" shouted Lockhart. "When I count to three, cast your charms to disarm your opponents — only to disarm them — we don't want any accidents — one...two...three —"

Leo swung his wand high, but Zabini had already started on "two", prompting Leo to swiftly duck and roll to the side shouting, "Expelliarmus!"

As Zabini's wand flew off into the crowd, the boy gave Leo a murderous expression, which the blonde responded to by smiling and waggling his fingers. Zabini took an angry step towards him, and Leo raised his wand, narrowing his eyes as though saying "I dare you". Zabini stopped in his tracks, looking furious.

"I said disarm only!" Lockhart shouted in alarm over the heads of the battling crowd.

Leo flicked his eyes around the room to see that he had been the only one to follow instructions. He was furious with himself. He had actually listened to Lockhart. I can't wait to get out of here for Christmas. He groaned before abruptly turning his gaze back to Zabini, who had inched forward slightly while he had been momentarily distracted.

"Stop! Stop!" screamed Lockhart, but Snape took charge.

"Finite Incantatem!" he shouted.

A haze of greenish smoke was hovering over the scene. Both Neville and Justin were lying on the floor, panting; Ron was holding up an ashen-faced Seamus, apologizing for whatever his broken wand had done; but Hermione and Millicent Bulstrode were still moving; Millicent had Hermione in a headlock and Hermione was whimpering in pain; both their wands lay forgotten on the floor. Leo and Harry leaped forward and pulled Millicent off. It was difficult, as she was quite large and had Hermione locked in much like a crocodile who had bitten into a person.

"Dear, dear," said Lockhart, skittering through the crowd, looking at the aftermath of the duels. "Up you go, Macmillan..."

"Careful there, Miss Fawcett...Pinch it hard, it'll stop bleeding in a second..."

"I think I'd better teach you how to block unfriendly spells," said Lockhart, standing flustered in the midst of the hall. He glanced at Snape, whose black eyes glinted, and looked quickly away. "Let's have a volunteer pair — Longbottom and Finch-Fletchley, how about you —"

"A bad idea, Professor Lockhart," said Snape, gliding over like a large and malevolent bat. "Longbottom causes devastation with the simplest spells. We'll be sending what's left of Finch-Fletchley up to the hospital wing in a matchbox." Neville's round, pink face went pinker. "How about a more... unorthodox pair? You and Black, perhaps?"

Lockhart's face paled considerably while Leo's lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Myself and Black? That's a bit ridiculous now isn't it, Severus?" Lockhart chuckled nervously. "Given my undeniable skill and experience in combat, pitting me against a student is quite dangerous -"

"I think you'll find Black's abilities to be quite..." Snape seemed to shudder. "Adequate." He paused for a moment. "Besides, I would've thought you'd relish the chance to put Black in his place, given the utter humiliation he dealt you at the last Quidditch match."

"Well, I – that's not to say – he took me by surprise and -," Lockhart stammered, only to stop and notice everyone staring at him expectantly. "Oh, fine, very well then."

Leo almost shrieked with glee. This was by far the greatest Christmas present anyone had ever given him. He made a mental note not to prank Snape for the rest of the year and to send him some sort of thank you present for Christmas. Leo was about to stroll to the end of the hall to face Lockhart when Snape suddenly grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the side.

"Do not think that this means that I, in any particular way, like you Black," Snape sneered. "This simply means that I loathe Lockhart more - for the moment."

"Understandable. He really does make it quite difficult to like him, sir," Leo shrugged before giving an evil grin. "That's only going to make his defeat taste all the sweeter."

"Perhaps I can assist with that..."

Snape whispered a spell in his ear, before showing him the proper wand movements and sending him on his way. Leo wasn't quite sure what the spell would do, but he was quite eager to find out. I swear, though, if it just shoots bubbles or some nonsense like that, I'm sending that color-change potion to him. Leo vowed as he faced Lockhart.

They both gave deep, flourishing bows. Leo was upset that Lockhart had stolen his move.

"Three — two — one — go!" Lockhart shouted.

Leo raised his wand quickly and bellowed, "Serpensortia!"

Much to both his and Lockhart's surprise, a long red snake shot out of the wand, fell heavily onto the floor between them, and raised itself, ready to strike. There were screams as the crowd backed swiftly away, clearing the floor.

"Don't move, Professor Lockhart," said Snape lazily, clearly enjoying the sight of the man standing motionless, eye to eye with the angry snake almost as much as Leo was. "I'll get rid of it..."

"Allow me!" shouted Lockhart. He brandished his wand at the snake and there was a loud bang; the snake, instead of vanishing, flew ten feet into the air and fell back to the floor with a loud smack. Enraged, hissing furiously, it slithered straight toward Justin Finch-Fletchley and raised itself again, fangs exposed, poised to strike.

Suddenly, Harry leaped forward and began hissing at the snake. And miraculously — inexplicably — the snake slumped to the floor, docile as a thick, red jump rope, its eyes now on Harry.

"What do you think you're playing at?" Justin shouted before turning and storming out of the hall.

Snape stepped forward, waved his wand, and the snake vanished in a small puff of black smoke. Snape, too, was looking at Harry in an unexpected way: It was a shrewd and calculating look, and Leo didn't much like it. Loathe as he was to abandon his duel with Lockhart, Leo ran over and grabbed Harry by his robes, escorting him out of the hall with Ron and Hermione following swiftly after them.

As they went through the doors, the people on either side drew away as though they were frightened of catching something. Leo didn't have a clue what was going on but had a strong feeling that he had to get Harry as far away from everyone else as possible. He didn't stop moving until he had dragged him all the way up to the empty Gryffindor common room.

Then Ron pushed Harry into an armchair and said, "You're a Parselmouth. Why didn't you tell us?"

"Partial mouth?" Leo frowned, turning his head to the side to check and make sure Harry's mouth was okay. "His face looks just fine to me."

"Not a partial mouth, a Parselmouth!" said Ron as though this would clear everything up. "He can talk to snakes!"

"I know," said Harry. "I mean, that's only the second time I've ever done it. I accidentally set a boa constrictor on my cousin Dudley at the zoo once — long story — but it was telling me it had never seen Brazil and I sort of set it free without meaning to that was before I knew I was a wizard —"

"It was quite brilliant," Leo nodded, smiling at the memory. "Felt bad for the poor fellow, though."

"A boa constrictor told you it had never seen Brazil?" Ron repeated faintly.

"So?" said Harry. "I bet loads of people here can do it. Leo was talking to the snake too!"

"Yeah, but I talk to all the animals, not just snakes," Leo pointed out as he sunk onto one of the couches.

Ron shook his head.

"It's not a very common gift. Harry, this is bad."

"What's bad?" said Harry, starting to look quite angry. "What's wrong with everyone? Listen, if I hadn't told that snake not to attack Justin —"

"Oh, that's what you said to it?"

"What d'you mean? You were there — you heard me —"

"I heard you speaking Parseltongue," said Ron. "Snake language. You could have been saying anything — no wonder Justin panicked, you sounded like you were egging the snake on or something — it was creepy, you know —"

Harry gaped at him.

"I spoke a different language? But — I didn't realize — how can I speak a language without knowing I can speak it?" He rounded on Leo. "Why didn't you ever tell me I was speaking another language?"

"Honestly? I just thought you liked making funny noises," Leo shrugged in response, not quite seeing what all the fuss was about.

Ron shook his head. Both he and Hermione were looking as though someone had died. Neither Leo or Harry could see what was so terrible.

"D'you want to tell me what's wrong with stopping a massive snake biting off Justin's head?" Harry said. "What does it matter how I did it as long as Justin doesn't have to join the Headless Hunt?"

"It matters," said Hermione, speaking at last in a hushed voice, "because being able to talk to snakes was what Salazar Slytherin was famous for. That's why the symbol of Slytherin House is a serpent."

Leo sat bolt upright.

"That's it!" he shouted excitedly, receiving stares from the other three. "The monster – the creature in the chamber – it has to be a snake!"

Ron and Harry looked incredulous. Hermione looked skeptical.

"Leo, I'm sure we'd notice a giant snake running round the school -"

"Unless it looked like Lockhart, I don't think you would."

Hermione chucked a pillow at him.