AN: I've had time to write. It's a little later than anticipated, but I have written a few chapters ahead of where I'm posting, so I can post weekly again. Hope you enjoy!
I do not own anything recognizable.
Chapter 12
Out of the corner of his eye, TJ noticed Cyrus walking away with Buffy and Jonah in the distance. He didn't make any effort to call Cyrus over, as he would have in the past. He did, however, turn and look over in longing at his disappearing boyfriend. He stared until interrupted by Kira.
"Hey, what are you looking at?"
Cyrus was out of sight by this point.
"Oh nothing," TJ lied, "just a bird."
"Are we going to finish this game or what," said Kira somewhat competitively.
"Yeah!" TJ continued with his fake laughter.
Despite what his exterior and his facial expressions showed, TJ was not having a good time. His situation with Cyrus weighed heavily on his mind. He felt awful about yelling at Cyrus. TJ brought out the dimension of himself that hadn't come out since he and Buffy first met. He hated that dimension of himself, and he used it on the person about whom he cared the most.
While TJ and Kira played their one on one game of basketball – kind of like TJ had done with Cyrus on their second date, but more competitive – TJ could only keep up his fake smiles and laughter for so long at once. At one point, he slipped into a frown, hoping that Kira wouldn't notice. She did notice, though.
As TJ dribbled the ball, Kira stole it from him and held it in her arms, giving him a stare.
"Hey!" TJ exclaimed, visibly irritated that she stopped their game.
"What's wrong," she sighed, seeming more frustrated at the inconvenience of TJ's misery than actually being supportive of him.
"What do you mean?" TJ said agitatedly. "Nothing's wrong!"
"Then what was that frown about?" asked Kira suspiciously.
"I don't know what you're talking about," TJ responded, trying to divert Kira's attention.
"You're trying to distract me from something," Kira said impatiently, "What is it?"
"I'm fine!" roared TJ.
"Then why are you yelling at me?" Kira asked, confused.
"Because you stopped our game for nothing! Can we please finish?" TJ knew he had to switch his demeanor, so he said that last bit with more fake laughter.
"And you promise that you're fine?"
"Yes!" TJ laughed convincingly, so they continued their game.
The truth, of course, was that TJ wasn't really fine. He knew that he had seriously messed up in his relationship by yelling at Cyrus. He should have listened to what Cyrus had to say. If Cyrus had feelings for Jonah, then maybe that could have been worked out. He should have talked to Cyrus calmly and listened instead of yelling. But he already neglected that path. What is done is done. TJ believed that there was no way Cyrus would want to keep TJ around after that. That's why he was so hesitant to talk to Cyrus. The only way he knew how to win his boyfriend back was to force him to realize that he still wanted to be with TJ. TJ thought he could do this by making Cyrus jealous. That's the only reason he went back to hanging out with Kira. He figured that word would get around that the two of them were hanging out and that Cyrus would get jealous and come running back to TJ. What didn't help is that TJ felt guilty the whole time he was doing it. Something inside him knew that it was wrong, but he didn't know what else to do.
TJ beat Kira in the one on one match.
"Well, you beat me this time, Kippen," Kira said competitively, forgetting about the minor skirmish they had earlier. "See you after school on Tuesday?" They had planned to meet then.
"Sure," TJ said hesitantly after losing focus for a second.
The two of them went home in their separate directions. All TJ could think about on the way home was how much he was hurting and how much he was probably hurting Cyrus by not talking to him. He also realized that him hanging out with Kira was probably a really low blow to Cyrus's self-esteem. The poor kid already had enough trouble feeling confidence in himself; TJ had witnessed it firsthand on multiple occasions. What good would it do to make him feel even worse?
It was getting late when TJ got home, so he went to bed without eating dinner. After holding back his tears all throughout his day with Kira – especially after he saw Cyrus – he let it all out right before he went to bed. He essentially cried himself to sleep.
Monday came, and TJ noticed Cyrus sitting in his own corner of the room in their English class. They hadn't talked to each other at lunch. When TJ looked at Cyrus during class, all he could think about was how he was supposed to meet Kira the next day. He didn't want to hurt Cyrus any more than he already had, but he knew that that's exactly what he was doing. A thought came to his mind that caused him a lot of discomfort, 'Am I cheating on Cyrus?'
This was something for which TJ could never forgive himself if he was. He wasn't really dating Kira, but hanging out with Kira just to make Cyrus jealous made him a jerk. He knew that. When he had those thoughts again the next day during his English class, TJ knew that he had to reconsider his meeting with Kira.
When school ended on Tuesday, instead of going to the park to meet Kira like they had previously planned, TJ took it upon himself to go straight home. He didn't forget; he just didn't show up. He went home and started on his homework, fully aware that he was blowing Kira off.
He got a text from Kira about an hour later. It read:
Kippen! Where are you! I've been waiting here for an hour! Did you forget?
TJ replied with a simple 'No.'
Then where are you? Kira asked, with a steaming angry emoji at the end.
At home, replied TJ nonchalantly. He added in a separate text, I don't want to hang out with you. You're manipulative and mean, and it's rubbing off on me. I don't like it, and it's wrong for me to be hanging out with you.
On the other end, Kira was fuming. TJ, however, couldn't see it because he blocked Kira's number before she had a chance to respond. That would be the last those two would hear from each other.
As the week went on, TJ was proud that he was able to move past Kira. He knew that all she was doing in his life was hurting him and Cyrus. He still couldn't muster up the courage to talk to Cyrus again, though. Cyrus hadn't texted TJ or said anything to him in days. TJ was worried that it was just about over between the two of them. He knew that waiting to talk to Cyrus for too long wouldn't be good for their relationship, but he also figured that if he said the wrong thing, it could make things even worse. He just had no idea what he could say to Cyrus that could possibly make things better between the two of them.
Every day in class, TJ and Cyrus sat in the same room while being worlds apart from each other. It was honestly quite the feat. With group activities in class that week, even people who rarely spoke to each other and didn't know each other that well were forced to connect. Somehow, though, the two isolated boyfriends managed not even to make eye contact all week. They both would occasionally look at the other with a look of longing, but caught themselves each time because they didn't want to show the other how desperate they were.
Friday came, and TJ had been isolated from everyone all week. He knew that Buffy was friends with Cyrus before she was friends with him, so he couldn't really talk to Buffy. He hadn't talked to Cyrus in two weeks. Andi was at SAVA, and he wasn't as close to Andi as Cyrus was, so trying to talk to her about it wouldn't make sense. He had also just recently cut out Kira, so he didn't have her to fall back on either. TJ really just felt alone.
At lunch on Friday, as he had for two weeks – except for his occasional awkward lunch with Kira – TJ sat by himself at an isolated table. He didn't really have friends other than the ones to whom he knew he had been a huge jerk. He didn't really talk to his friends from the basketball team in middle school anymore. He didn't even focus much on his high school basketball team, ironically because he wanted to spend more time with his boyfriend.
As he sat alone under the shadow of a dark cloud, Marty noticed from across the room. He usually ate lunch with Buffy, but Buffy had a prior commitment. Marty considered what he should do. He was a caring person who wanted to take people who were hurting under his wing and support them. He also knew that TJ was currently a part of a big mess that was hurting his best friends, and he didn't know how involved he wanted to get. As much as Marty wanted to care, he didn't want to meddle in things that were none of his business.
After a few moments of contemplation, Marty decided that he would go over and talk to TJ. He figured that it looked like TJ was hurting, too, and that there were always two sides to every conflict. He came to the understanding that he could go and try to make TJ feel a bit better without actually meddling in TJ's and Cyrus's relationship.
Marty walked up to TJ and gently tapped him on the shoulder from behind. "Mind if I join you?" asked Marty with the smile that seemed to always be glued to his face no matter what mood he was in.
This startled TJ because he was so used to being alone at this point, and he didn't see Marty coming. "Sure," he then responded hesitantly.
"Why would you want to sit with me, though?" TJ asked, without thinking. "I'm sorry, you probably don't even know what's going on."
Marty's smile faded as they got into the more serious topic. "Actually, yeah, Buffy tells me everything." He clarified. He added one last point onto the end for further clarification, "And Cyrus tells Buffy pretty much everything."
TJ simply looked at Marty with a look of understanding.
"How are you holding up right now?" Marty asked, visibly concerned.
"I've been better," TJ somewhat snapped back. He then immediately apologized for his tone. "I'm sorry," he said, "I haven't been in the best place lately."
"I get it," Marty understood. "Do you want to talk about it?"
TJ was reluctant. He really didn't know Marty that well. The most memorable interaction he had with Marty was their extremely awkward double date. That wasn't exactly great common ground to preface a serious conversation like the one they were about to have. On the other hand, all TJ wanted in this moment more than anything else was to talk about it. He had isolated himself from all of his friends, not knowing how to approach the situation. He wanted someone's advice, and someone now finally came to him to offer it. Even though TJ wasn't tight with Marty, he was in no position to turn down any sort of help.
"I don't really know how to talk about this," TJ was honest with Marty. He then changed course, "I acted like such a jerk."
Marty decided that the best thing he could do in this situation was listen until TJ said what he needed to say.
"I shouldn't have treated Cyrus the way I did. I shouldn't have yelled at him. We could have talked it out. I pressured him to do something before he was ready, and it was cruel."
TJ paused again. Once again, Marty waited to speak so that TJ could say anything that was on his mind that he wanted to say.
"He's not going to want me back now," TJ said, defeated.
At this point, Marty couldn't keep quiet. "What makes you so sure?" he asked, almost ridiculing TJ's point.
"Marty, I messed up big time," TJ emphasized. "I'm not sure if I can repair the damage that I did."
"Everyone has bumps in the road in their relationship," replied Marty. "That doesn't mean you can't get past them."
"I feel like this is more than just a mere bump in the road," claimed TJ out of pure emotion. "And besides, look at you and Buffy! You're both super competitive, she's confrontation-oriented, and yet you're doing fine! You make it look so easy."
Marty gave a small laugh at this remark. "You know, Buffy and I haven't always been smooth sailing."
"What do you mean?" TJ asked, puzzled.
Marty laughed again and started telling the story. He started from how he and Buffy met at the party and then again in track. He told TJ about how he and Buffy competed against each other in track match-ups created by themselves and how Buffy started calling him "11.5" before finally learning his real name. He even mentioned how Buffy once dunked his shoes in the girls' toilet.
"Wow," TJ laughed with a new air of fear about Buffy, "Buffy was even more competitive than I thought."
"Yeah," Marty laughed at the memory. "But it's something I kind of always liked about her." He continued his story with basketball tryouts.
"I feel bad that I didn't remember you because I was too busy making fun of the fact that a girl made the team," TJ said, beating himself up over the past. "I'm really sorry."
"I know you've grown a lot since then; I forgive you," Marty said with his Marty laugh, and he continued to tell the story. "I went on what I later found out was supposed to be a double date with Andi and Jonah. Err, at least Andi believed it was a double date because they wanted to set me and Buffy up," he corrected. "It was actually super awkward."
In that moment, TJ couldn't help but to think about the double date they had had recently. "I guess we're just not good in that environment," he said with a more sincere laugh.
"True," Marty pondered, "but to be fair, Andi and Jonah were the awkward ones."
"I believe that," TJ said, seeming to get so wrapped up in Marty's story that he started to forget about his own negative feelings.
"Anyway, Buffy and I walked and talked afterwards. I had this brilliant idea to bring up what exactly Buffy wanted our relationship to look like in the near future," said Marty with an air of sarcasm. "I told her I wanted to be something more than just friends, and that didn't go over too well. It resulted in us not talking for a while. It was actually months before I talked to her again. I apparently found out I was texting her all through Cyrus's grandmother's Shiva."
"Wait," TJ stopped Marty with a sudden realization, "you're 'Marty from the Party'?"
"Yep, that's me!" Marty replied with a big cheesy smiley, elicited by a nickname he coined himself but hadn't heard in a while.
"That makes more sense now," TJ laughed, "Carry on!"
"Between the time Buffy and I stopped talking and started again, I got a girlfriend. It made Buffy jealous. I even told her I didn't want to be in a relationship with her, even though that was a complete lie. We were even distant again for a while, but then I realized what I was doing was wrong. I broke up with my girlfriend. It took me a while, but I finally came around to Buffy. At the party, she confessed that she liked me and I confessed that I had never changed my mind about liking her. And now we're in a relationship." Marty finished the story with optimism.
"Wow," TJ replied after taking all of that in. "It sounds like it was a rougher road than I previously thought."
"It was!" Marty confirmed. "But it all worked out in the end."
TJ was suddenly brought back to his situation with Cyrus.
As Marty could see TJ delving deep in thought, he said, "My point is that it's not always going to be easy. Plus, Buffy did some things that she shouldn't have, and so did I. But we worked through our struggles and ended up in a good place. Hopefully, you and Cyrus can do the same."
TJ looked at Marty with understanding.
Marty continued with a laugh, "And I don't really know how guy-guy relationships work, but they can't be much different than guy-girl relationships."
This sparked a small chuckle from TJ as well. It then faded into another worry. "But Cyrus said he liked Jonah. What if he ends up choosing Jonah over me?"
"He won't!" Marty clarified, "as I understand it, Cyrus used to have a crush on Jonah. And the past is in the past!"
TJ realized that Cyrus had said that when they were fighting and he was making Cyrus cry. He felt awful. He was so wrapped up in his own irrational pain, that he didn't even hear what Cyrus was trying to tell him. As a result of his conversation with Marty, TJ decided that he needed to talk to Cyrus as soon as possible.
"Thanks, Marty," TJ closed. "That really helped."
"Of course," Marty replied back, "and if you ever need anything else, you can come to me."
They both smiled and finished their lunch. The bell rang, and TJ headed to his English class where he hoped to finally talk to Cyrus.
When he got to class, TJ realized that Cyrus wasn't there. He was worried. He wanted Cyrus to be okay, and Cyrus being out of class sparked an urgency of the conversation he knew he and Cyrus needed to have.
At the end of the day, TJ scrambled all over the place to find Cyrus. He wasn't sure if Cyrus stayed home or what, but he couldn't find Cyrus anywhere.
Instead of finding Cyrus, TJ found Buffy first. He called for Buffy so that she would have to stop in her tracks and see what was going on.
"What do you want?" Buffy was kind of obviously agitated about how TJ had treated Cyrus.
TJ chose to ignore this attitude at the moment. "I need to talk to Cyrus," he said in somewhat of a panic, "do you know where he is?"
Buffy dropped the attitude she had taken with TJ before, hopeful that TJ wanting to talk to Cyrus meant he had come around. Unfortunately, she did not have the best news for him. "Cyrus left to go on a ski trip with his family this weekend."
"I'll text him!" TJ replied hastily.
"I wouldn't," Buffy cautioned. "They went because Cyrus wanted to get away from things for a while. If I were you, I'd wait until he comes back."
"Ok," TJ said with noticeable disappointment. He finally decided that he needed to talk to Cyrus. He knew that no matter what happened, he had to say something. He had to take the risk of saying the wrong thing so that he didn't wait long enough to the point that Cyrus thought he didn't care. But now, Cyrus was away. And it was all because of him. Cyrus left to get away from TJ. He knew he couldn't bother Cyrus on his retreat, so he would have to wait until the next week. It was killing TJ that when he finally wanted to make things right, he couldn't.
Chapter 13 Coming Soon!