This chapter is rated M for mature content, sexual assault, and traumatic content.

Chapter 60: Trauma

Lilly woke up to Brutus standing over her. He was staring down at her with a look in his eyes that Lilly could not mistake for anything other than lust. Shit. "What do you want?" Lilly barked defiantly.

Brutus crouched down to her with a smile. "Isn't it obvious?"

Lilly rolled her eyes. "Yes, but ya ain't gettin' it."

"Oh, I think I will." Lilly tried to move around but the chains were too tight. He moved closer and reached for her mound. Lilly yelped and tried to close her legs but she couldn't. Brutus laughed. "I like it when they wiggle."

Lilly tried harder to close her legs and suddenly they snapped shut. Brutus pulled his hand out and laughed again. "Leave me alone!" she shouted.

"No." Brutus grabbed her by the hair and kissed her mouth. Lilly yanked her head back then headbutt him in the nose so hard that she saw stars. "Ouch! Hahaha, you are one tough Mick, I'll give ya that!"

"Shut up!"

Brutus continued laughing and ripped open her shirt. "Oh, those look nice."

"If me uncle comes in here and sees ya doin' anythin' untoward, he'll be furious!"

The man grabbed a chunk of Lilly's auburn colored hair again and yanked it so hard she let out a brief cry of pain. He pulled her head back and grasped a breast with his other hand, then he bent down and started licking the nipple. Lilly tried to thrash out of her nefarious position but it was to no avail. He reached into the front of her pants and slid his fingers down to her womanhood. He let out an "oooooo" sound.

"You're so warm," he said against her nipple.

Lilly started trembling. She was not about to be raped, so she decided to take action. "Stop," she moaned out.

Brutus lifted his head and smiled. "You like it and you know it."

"I-I do, but my husband..."

"He ain't here, and no one else ain't gonna know. Now tell me how you want it, girly."

"I want you to, gosh, I need you to bite my neck."

Brutus leaned forward and licked her lips. "Kiss me first."

His fingers began massaging her insides and she kissed him deeply. "So good," she breathed out.

"Yeah, there we go. You're makin' my cock wake up now." Brutus bit her neck and she yelped. His musk was fucking atrocious and it took all her willpower not to gag. He licked her neck and she bit him on his neck, making him moan into the flesh of her own neck. "Oh, you naughty girl."

She started whispering in his ear. "You know what I really want you to do?"

Brutus shuddered. "Yeah, tell me, baby."

She licked his ear, making him shudder again. "You really wanna know?"

"Yes," he said gruffly, letting go of her hair.

Perfect. "I want you to..."

"Yeah?"

Lilly nibbled his ear. "I want ya tah go fuck off." Lilly bit his ear so hard blood started to spill. He screeched out as she ripped the flesh off. Brutus grabbed his bleeding wound and backed off. Lilly spit his ear out. "Yeah, that's what ya get, ya sick fuck!"

"You god damn bitch!" Brutus growled and backhanded her face so quick she almost didn't see it coming. The force of his strike made Lilly's body twist back at the waist. She spit out blood and started laughing.

"I'm sorry, my ears just ain't workin' right. Can I borrow one of yours?" Brutus picked up his ear and stormed out of the room, then slammed the door behind him. Lilly laughed again and shook her head. "What an eejit."

"That was quite the tactic, Lilly. Seducing that man was bold," said Adair.

"Thanks. I've had years of practice."

Arthur woke up slowly and yawned. He coughed as he sat up then spit on the ground and rubbed his mouth clean. He dressed into his summer gunslinger attire and walked out. Most everyone was ready. He walked to Tessa with the wolves traveling behind him. Jack came running up to them and hugged them both.

"You boys be good and get Aunt Lilly back, okay?" said Jack with full enthusiasm.

They both howled and Jack howled in response. They licked Jack's face and he giggled, then Brian and James came walking over to Arthur. "You boys ready?" he asked, already mounted up on Tessa.

They both barked. Sean came over to Arthur while on Ennis. "You ready for this, Englishman?"

Arthur nodded to Sean and the rest who were coming with: Lenny, Charles, Javier, Bill, Dutch, Sadie, and Micah. Dutch neared all the men while on his horse The Count.

"Alright, gentlemen. Let's go get my daughter back! Hyah!" They all rode out of camp and down the trail.

Lilly sat on her knees, still chained up with her shirt open, when Brutus came back in with his ear all patched up. He looked furious. Lilly chuckled a little. "Back so soon?" she asked him.

Brutus went to her and backhanded her face. She laughed and spit out blood. "You are gonna pay for my ear, little lady!"

Lilly laughed again and glared up at him defiantly. "And how are you going to accomplish that?"

Brutus moved behind her and pushed her chest down from behind. Lilly grunted and struggled when she heard Brutus unbuckling his pants. Oh fuck no. Lilly yanked on the chains but it was no use. She wasn't going to get free.

"Hey!" she shouted. Someone get in here and help me! Brutus is goin' to-"

He put a hand over her mouth tightly. "Now you're gonna get it!" Brutus snapped.

He adjusted the chains for her ankles and legs so that Lilly's legs could be spread apart. He aggressively pulled down her pants and Lilly screamed into his hand.

It was late in the evening by the time Arthur and the rest got to Saint Denis. They went their separate ways, agreeing to meet at the train station by 11:45 pm. Arthur went with Sadie and Sean to Doyle's Tavern for a few drinks.

"You nervous?" Sadie asked him.

"No. Just hell bent on getting her back," Arthur replied.

"We'll get her back."

Sean clapped Arthur on the shoulder. "So Englishman, should we discuss the other problems? The rat and snake problems?"

Arthur nodded. "Sure, though those two are apparently the same person."

"Oh, well that makes it easier, then. Obviously it's Micah."

Arthur scrunched his face. "Yeah, he's highly suspect but we would need proof."

"What's there to prove? He's been yappin' in Dutch's ear for quite some time now, I've seen him suckin' up to Dutch, I've seen him praisin' Dutch, to everyone, but he just seems so feckin' fake about it. "

"We need irrefutable proof, Sean. Something we can show Dutch so he'll believe us."

Lilly sat in the boat's brig, chained up still with the collar around her neck, feeling enraged. She'd been raped and tortured by Brutus and it happened several times until Leviticus and Mr. Pierce walked in on him doing it. They were both furious and kicked Brutus out of the room. Levi had sent Mr. Pierce to find Lilly a new set of clothes in town and her Uncle Levi had apologized over and over but Lilly merely spit in his face and cursed him out. She could only imagine how many more scars had been added to her back. The newest scar, though, was the one on the side of her face. He'd taken a knife and sliced from Lilly's forehead to her jawline. It was just another scar, she had told herself.

"What are you going to tell Arthur?" Adair asked.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"Why?"

"He'd never want me again knowing another man..." Lilly couldn't finish the sentence.

"He will love you no matter what happens."

"But he's a jealous man."

"And he should understand that this was not your fault and there was nothing you could do."

"I've never been so humiliated in my whole life."

The door to the brig opened and Mr. Pierce, along with a few guards, walked in with a stack of clothes in his arms. "Mrs. Morgan, I have new garments for you."

Lilly nodded. "Just set them down and I'll dress myself."

Mr. Pierce walked over and unlocked her chains. "I am sorry for what Brutus did to you. We are blood related but I no longer consider him to be family."

Lilly chuckled, rubbing her wrists. "Do I look like I give a god damn?"

Mr. Pierce handed her the clothes, backed up and turned around. The guards did the same. "No, but...look, I take no pleasure from having you tortured, especially with the first time. It was nothing personal, Mrs. Morgan."

Lilly dressed herself in a red buttoned down shirt and black fancy pants, but she kicked the boots aside. "I understand that, but it still won't make me like you."

"I'm not asking you to like me, I only wish to make your last few months...comfortable."

Lilly scoffed. "Yes, and you have done a great job so far!" she yelled sarcastically. "I'm done gettin' dressed."

Pierce turned around and shackled her again. "Brutus has strict orders to stay away from you. Once we get to New York, he will be let go."

"Let go? No justice for what he did to me?"

Mr. Pierce looked up at her after shackling her ankles. "Do you want justice?"

"I want revenge and justice."

Mr. Pierce stood with a inclination of his head. "That could be arranged."

Arthur and the rest of the group met up at the train station at 11:45. The Morrigan was waiting for them in a red and black plaided casual dress and a matching hat. Arthur wanted to laugh as he closed in on her. "Well, this is a new look."

The Morrigan chuckled in amusement. "I must blend in, ya silly mortal."

"Alright, so we're here," Dutch said impatiently. "What is your plan?"

The Morrigan smiled. "We are going for a train ride, boys."

Adair was put into a wooden box plated with iron and transported to a train car. Once she was inside, the box opened and they shackled her chains to the floor. Then they left her. It wasn't long after the train began moving when Adair turned into Lilly and an enchanted collar was put on the girl's neck. Lilly said nothing as she contemplated her thoughts. There was no way she could tell Arthur or anyone else what had happened to her. Not the whole story, anyway. The torture was something she could live with telling Arthur, but not the sexual violation of her body. Lilly knew Arthur would be furious, but would he be furious with her? Would he blame her? Leave her, even? He'd threatened once before, although he admitted to his bluff. Lilly put her knees to her chest and held them. She'd been allowed more movement since the ordeal with Brutus had been discovered, so she was slightly grateful for that. She wondered when Arthur would come for her, but could she even look him in the eye? Probably not, she felt so much shame and guilt. There had to have been something she could have done.

"There was nothing you could have done," Adair said.

Lilly didn't believe that. It had been a long time since she felt like a helpless little girl, and she certainly felt like one now. She pressed her face into her knees and cried silently. This went on for a long time, or at least it felt like a long tine, and she just let the tears fall. She'd been so wrapped up in her misery that when Lilly heard a door open she didn't even bother to look and see who it was. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she immediately scrambled back. "Don't touch me!" she shouted.

"Lilly, it's me," she heard Arthur say. "It's just me."

Arthur reached for her again. "I said don't touch me!"

Arthur looked at her in bewilderment in the dim light. "Jesus Christ, what did they do to you?"

Sean walked in with a set of keys and tossed them to Arthur. "Let's go, hurry up!"

Arthur neared his wife with his hands up. "Lillian, I need to get the collar off, okay?"

Lilly tried to get away but couldn't go any further, tears streaming down her face. "Don't touch me!" she growled.

"I'm only trying to get the collar off, mo stór. What's wrong?"

The Morrigan walked in and sighed. "Arthur, let me do it."

Arthur handed Morrigan the keys and she kneeled in front of Lilly. "We must free you." She put a hand on Lilly then she immediately let go, a gasp escaping her mouth. "You poor girl..."

Lilly stared at The Morrigan. "Just get me out."

Morrigan touched the shackles then yelped in pain. "Of course. Iron." She handed Arthur back the keys. "Lilly, Arthur needs to free you."

Lilly slowly nodded amd Arthur unlocked her chains. He then unlocked her collar and reached for his wife but she went to the back of the car and pressed her back to the door. "I said dunna fuckin' touch me!" she snapped. "Ya try it again and I'll kill ya!"

Arthur gaped at his wife. "Morrigan, what's wrong with her?"

The Morrigan stood and walked to Lilly, putting a hand on her shoulder. Lilly flinched but Morrigan pulled her in an embrace and kissed her head. "You're safe now, and you know your husband won't hurt you."

Arthur saw Lilly trembling and he stood up with a defeated sigh. "Morrigan..."

"She's traumatized, Arthur. We need to get her out of here."

The Morrigan walked with Lilly in her arms as Arthur opened the side door. The men jumped on their running horses and Arthur motioned for Lilly to jump but she refused. She instead changed into Adair and jumped onto Arthur's horse.

"Sorry, Arthur, but a lot of bad things happened to her. Wait, was it just the three of you?"

"No, the others are robbin' the train as a distraction. We're meetin' up with them later."

Adair chuckled as the Morrigan jumped onto Ennis, then they rode off together.

Arthur, Sean, Morrigan and Adair made camp at Fort Brennand along with the wolves, who decided to go off to hunt with Sean. Morrigan said her goodbyes to her daughter and left, and Arthur started a fire as he looked at Adair. He began to cook some meat. "So, what happened?"

Adair shook her head. "Lilly was traumatized and that is all she wants you to know."

Arthur gave Adair a look of shock. "Well, can I speak to her please?"

"She's asleep," Adair said casually.

Arthur stood up with the cooked meat and approached Adair, giving her the food which she happily took. "Then wake her up," he said sternly.

Adair looked up at him and sighed, then she stood up straight. "We were tortured. I was flogged, she was flogged, Brutus scarred her face and my wings were cut off, although those grew back." Adair's red wings came out and she gave them a soft flap.

"Jesus Christ. Well, did anything else happen?"

Adair averted her eyes. "She does not want anyone to know. It was a most heinous thing." Adair put a hand on Arthur's shoulder. "You must be patient with her. She will come to you when she is ready."

Arthur sighed heavily. "If you say so."

Once the others found their way to Fort Brennand, they packed up the camp and headed north to the main camp. Not a lot was said from Adair and Arthur remained worried for the mental state of his wife. When they got to camp, it was very early morning and Adair headed straight for the Morgan tent rather than greet anyone. Arthur followed and when he walked in, he saw Lilly standing inside instead of Adair. Lilly had her back to him.

"So," Arthur said as he slipped off his boots. "You gonna tell me what happened?"

"...no," she said meekly.

There was a definite change in her behavior. Lilly was never one to speak in such a tone. Arthur suddenly went into a coughing fit and Lilly went to the nightstand. When he spit on the ground and looked at her, Lilly gave Arthur his cough syrup medicine and he spotted her scar.

"Oh God..." he said, reaching for her face. "What ha-"

Lilly flinched away from him and her eyes went wide. "I...sorry, I...I'm just tired," Lilly stammered.

Arthur approached her and she took some steps back. "Why are you afraid of me?"

"I'm not."

"Then why won't you let me touch you?"

Lilly frowned at him. "I...I-I-I just don't want to be touched," she stuttered.

"Well, baby girl, I was hopin' we could...you know," he said with a smile, trying to alleviate the tension in the air.

Lilly took a quick glance at him. "I...don't think we'll be doin' that for a while, Arthur..." Her eyes darted to his for a split second and what Arthur saw was shame and guilt. What could she have possibly done to feel that way? Or...what was done to her to make her feel that way? "Arthur, I just need some time to recuperate. I need space."

Arthur frowned. "Fine," he said bitterly. "Sure, fine. Yes, because it's not like I haven't had any fuckin' space with you bein' gone! I was worried, Lillian! I mean, how many god damn times do you have to get kidnapped?! Not that I mind savin' you, of course, because you are my wife and I love you! But what the fuck was so bad this time that you need some god damn space?!"

Arthur expected her to shout and rage at him, but instead she burst into tears and tried to run out of the tent. He caught her and she slapped him in the face. "Dunna touch me!" she screamed at him.

Arthur shook her and glared into her eyes. "What the fuck is wrong?! What happened to you?! Tell me, god dammit!"

Lilly slapped him harder and Arthur rubbed his cheek from the pain. "DUNNA TOUCH ME!"

Arthur growled at her. Even though her shout didn't work on him, he still hated it at times when Lilly used it on him. "You're my wife! I'll touch you if I god damn want to!"

Lilly cried even harder. Arthur looked at her, bewildered by her behavior. This was not the Lilly he knew. She had been changed somehow. His feisty, strong, bad-tempered wife was now a blubbering little girl and it only angered him more not knowing what could make her act this way. So, he held her to his chest and she cried into his shoulder.

"Is everything okay in there?" Hosea asked outside their tent.

"I think so," Arthur said. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with her."

"What's she doin'?" Karen asked him.

"She's cryin' like a god damn baby."

"Well, maybe it's a mood swing. She is pregnant, you know."

Arthur hadn't thought of that. He looked at her cheek and nuzzled it. "Are you havin' a mood swing, mo chroí?" [my heart?]

"Sea, mo chuisle." [Yes, my pulse.]

Arthur chuckled and kissed her cheek. He knew Lilly was lying but at least she was letting him touch her. He had to stop being an idiot and be patient with her, which was rather hard for him to do, but he needed to try. "Do you need some tea or your pipe?"

"My pipe. Gimme my pipe."

Arthur let her go and walked to her nightstand. He opened it and pulled out her herbs and pipe. He packed it for her and she took three puffs. Arthur laughed and took the pipe from her. "Alright, that's enough," he chortled.

As he put the pipe away, she swayed over to the bed and laid down on it. Arthur tucked her in and kissed the new scar on her face. "I hope you don't mind my face bein' ugly now."

Arthur shook his head, disagreeing with her. "Nah, you're still beautiful. You just look more formidable."

Lilly gave him a soft smile. "Aren't you comin' to bed?"

"I got some things to-"

Lilly reached up and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Please don't go..."

Arthur made a face full of regret. He felt bad for thinking she didn't need him right now when clearly she did.

"Ah, on second thought, I could use a nap." Lilly grinned and Arthur climbed into bed next to her. He put his arms around Lilly and held her to his chest. They soon fell asleep holding each other.

Arthur was startled out of sleep by his wife having a nightmare. "Oh shit!"

"GET OFF ME!" she shouted.

Arthur held down her thrashing body as objects flew around everywhere. "Wake up Lilly!"

"I'LL KILL YA, YA SICK BASTARD! I SAID GET OFF ME!"

A few books flew by his head and Hosea and Dutch ran in. "Jesus, not again!" Dutch yelped.

Arthur shook her to try and wake her up. "Lilly! Wake up!"

"GET OFF ME!" Lilly shouted at Brutus. He was all over her neck with his tongue and he was laughing.

"You're a sweet little thing when you ain't yellin'! Come on! Admit that you like it!"

"NEVER!" Brutus bit her neck and Lilly screamed. "GET AWAY! STOP IT! GUARDS! UNCLE LEVI! SOMEONE GET HIM OFF ME!"

"Your shout don't work with that collar on and no one can hear you..."

"...Lillian, wake up!" Lilly heard Arthur yell."

ARTHUR! DON'T LET HIM KEEP DOIN' THIS TAH ME!"

"Lillian, you gotta wake up, sweetheart! WAKE UP!"

Lilly woke up to Arthur shaking her and objects clattering on the ground. Lilly shoved Arthur off the bed. "NO! STOP!" she screamed.

Dutch and Hosea held down her legs but she kicked them off and they landed on their behinds. "Boys! We need help in here!" Hosea yelled.

Arthur ran back to Lilly and tried to wrap his arms around her but she pushed him into the vanity table. Charles, Sean, Javier, Lenny, and Bill came running in and they all tried to get near her. "ALL OF YA GET OUT!" her voice boomed.

Every man but Arthur ran out of the tent automatically. Arthur held his hands up and approached his nightmare crazed wife. "Lilly, it was just a bad dream. You need to breathe."

Lilly looked around at everything. Things were scattered all over everything, including all her books. Lilly started to cry and covered her face. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed as she trembled from the adrenaline leaving her body.

Arthur sat on the bed and embraced her in a tight hug and kissed her hands. "It's okay, baby girl, you're okay."

Lilly cried into his shoulder and he rocked her. She saw Dutch poke his head in and she covered her face again, feeling ashamed of herself. "Tea?" he asked.

"I dunna want the god damn tea," she sputtered.

"A-Are you sure?"

"Yer just gonna sedate me!" she snapped.

"We can make it without the sedative, Lilly."

Lilly sniffled and nodded. "Okay..."

This was all a horrible nightmare. Lilly was glad Arthur was there for her but she could never fully explain to him what her dream was about. She could never tell him that she'd been raped. He'd never forgive her and she believed that all the way down to her very core.

"You must tell him, Lilly. He is your husband and he deserves to know," Adair said in her head.

Lilly shook her head. "No..."

Arthur looked at her. "No what?"

"Adair's talkin' to me," Lilly replied.

Arthur kissed Lilly's tears away and then prodded her nose with his, pressing his forehead to hers. "Mo bocht stór. Were you dreamin' about what happened?" [My poor darling.]

Lilly nodded. "Yes."

Arthur sighed and kissed her tenderly. "Was it Brutus?"

"...Yes."

"Honey, what did he do to you?"

"Please don't ask me."

Arthur shut his eyes and kissed her forehead. "Okay, I won't, but can I ask why you won't tell me?"

Because he'd never understand. Because he'd never forgive her for allowing it to happen despite not being able to stop it. Because he'd never look at her the same way. Because he'd never touch her again. Because he'd leave her. These were all her biggest fears right now and Lilly knew in her heart that all the fears were probably ridiculous, but her mind was fucking around with her. "It's too hard to talk about," she replied.

Miss Grimshaw came in slowly. "I have your tea, Lilly. Without the special ingredient."

Lilly nodded and Arthur took it from her, putting it on Lilly's nightstand. "Thank you, Miss Grimshaw," Arthur said.

"You're welcome." Susan looked around the tent and sighed. "Will you be needing help cleaning up?"

Lilly shook her head. "No, I'll...I'll clean it up."

Lilly made to get out of bed but Arthur pulled her back down. "Don't worry about that now, mo ghrá. Just drink your tea."

Dutch poked his head back in. "Arthur? A word, please?"

Arthur nodded and let go of Lilly as she grabbed her tea.

Arthur walked outside to Hosea and Dutch. "Yeah Dutch?" he asked Dutch.

Dutch put his hands on his hips. "What in the hell was that about?"

Arthur rubbed the back of his neck. "Brutus tortured her while she was held captive."

Hosea turned his back. "My God..."

Dutch raised a brow. "She'd been tortured by him before and she didn't even bat an eye lash," Dutch explained in confusion.

"No. She died, Dutch. And she wasn't tortured for three days," Arthur also explained.

"I don't like this," Hosea said, pivoting back around. "The mind boggles. What could be worse than a flogging?"

"Well, she was flogged again, I know that much. Adair was too and had her wings cut off."

"Jesus Christ," Dutch said. "With what? That woman is invulnerable."

"Not to iron. Iron is their weakness."

"Well shit." Dutch put a hand on Arthur's shoulder. "Alright, I need you for somethin' Arthur, but you take care of your wife first. Once she's settled down, you meet Micah and me in Annesburg. We are gonna find some answers."

Lilly watched Arthur walk back in just as she finished her tea. "This tastes different," she said quietly.

Arthur frowned and sat on the bed. "Lilly, I need to run into town for some things. Do you need anything?"

Lilly tilted her head to one side. "I just had a night terror and you're leavin' me?"

Arthur chuckled. "I won't be gone long."

Lilly sighed and put her teacup on the nightstand. "I could use some more ammo and some gun oil. It's been a while since my guns had a cleanin'."

Arthur kissed her softly. "I'll be back as soon as I can, darlin'."

"Okay mo chuisle." Lilly watched Arthur leave and laid down in the bed, left alone to her thoughts.