Chapter Two - Hitler's Personal Guard

"The girls will practice important womanly duties such as dressing wounds, making beds, and learning how to get pregnant."

There were groans of disappointment from the girls, because they had to make beds while the boys were going to blow stuff up.

"Ha!" Cartman cackled. "Girls can't shoot guns or blow stuff up!"

"Maybe I can help a girl learn how to get pregnant in two days." Kenny said through his parka.

"Shut up, Kenny." Cartman said.

"Alright, let's get to it."

The crowd of kids saluted and started screaming in excitement. The older boys started yelling at smaller kids, rounding them up and being Nazis. If Kyle, the boy Liane was hiding in her house in the fake walls were to see this, he would've thought they were all idiots. Yet he was the one who couldn't leave the house because there was nothing worse than a Jew to a Nazi.

"On your feat, you little Nazis!" The leaders said. "Let's go!"

"Move, move, move!"

There was more screaming from the kids.

"God help me."

It was the Hitler Youth training camp. Neither of the kids wanted to grow up. Cartman and Kenny were training with the others. A bunch of kids tried to climb over obstacles and under nets. It was mayhem.

There was knife throwing next. Cartman and Kenny stood around in a group of boys throwing their knives from 10 feet into a tree.

None of the knives stuck and instead they flew off at dangerous angles, one ricochets, which lodged itself into another kid's thigh.

Then they were at the gun range. Cartman and some other kids aimed their KARABINER 98k rifles at a target in the distance. Cartman fired and jumped from the loudness of the shot and then dropped the rifle. Then there was the war game, because it seemed as if the war was never going to end. The boys were separated into two groups. One side wore red sashes and other green. They chased each other around a clearing and pushed each other over and took prisoners.

Cartman and Kenny were taken prisoner instantly. An older person looked at them with disappointment.

It was the afternoon at the Hitler Youth camp. Cartman was sitting in a group of boys and girls. One by one, sometimes overlapping, the children called out.

Their teacher was proud of them. On a blackboard, above them was a heading: THE JEW.

"Excellent work, children! You also forgot that the Jew is the offspring of Satan." The teacher said.

"The Jew is the offspring of Satan?" Cartman repeated out loud.

"That's right!" The teacher said. "The Jew sucks the blood of Christian children for their mitzvah."

There were gasps from the children.

"I don't wanna be Christian if the Jew is gonna suck the blood out of me!" Kenny said.

"It has been scientifically proven," the teacher continued, "that we Aryans are 1000 times more advanced and civilized than any other race."

"We don't really look 1000 times more advanced and civilized than any other race." Cartman said.

"Shut up, kid!" The teacher said.

"Yes, sir." Cartman said.

There were gasps and the children applauded the teacher who smiled.

"Now, get your things together, children!" The teacher said. "It's time to burn books!"

"Books?" Cartman said excitedly. "I hate those things! Let's burn them, dude!"

"Yeah!" Kenny cheered.

"Yay!" Cheered the other children.

It was soon dusk. There was a large bonfire. The children held the stack of books. Cartman opened his bag and pulled out a large pile, while Kenny pulled out a smaller pile than him.

"Is that it?" Cartman taunted him. "Only four books?"

"It's all I could afford." Kenny said.

"Oh. Right." Cartman scoffed. "Let's burn these losers."

Cartman threw the books into the fire, then Kenny did the same and the other children. The children skipped and danced around the bonfire, the little demon children, who threw the books in the inferno while the teacher cackled manically.

Then it was night at the camp. The tents were glowing under the night sky.

Cartman and Kenny stayed awake in their sleeping bags. They were inspecting their new knives.

"Man, I wish I could use this thing in a real battle." Cartman said as he flipped the knife back and forth proudly. "I could take down twenty of those Jews even without ammo. I'd be laughing so hard when I did."

"I don't like that situation." Kenny said. "I don't want to die at all."

"We must die laughing, Kenny. That's the motto." Cartman said.

"I don't know if I can die laughing, Cartman." Kenny said through his parka.

"Well, you will." Cartman said.

"I'd probably be screaming, not laughing, Cartman." He said.

"Then it looks like you're not really cut out for this." Cartman said. "Hitler is going to choose me as his personal guard. Especially since I have perfect vision. My eyes aren't glassy at all. And I've got perfect teeth!"

"What about the fat?" He asked with a cackle.

"That doesn't matter. I'm big-boned!" Cartman retorted. "Jews sound scary, huh, Kenny?"

"Yeah." Kenny said.

"Not to me." He said. "I'd kill a Jew like that if I met one." He tried to snap his fingers.

"But how can you know if you saw one? They look just like us." Kenny said.

"Their nose." Cartman said. "They've got hooked noses, Kenny, and it's not a racial stereotype. I'd know. They smell like Brussel Sprouts."

"Oh yeah. Gross." Kenny said.

"Imagine catching a Jew and giving it to Hitler." Cartman continued. "He would definitely make me his personal guard!"

"Oh yes, he'd be so impressed." Kenny said.

"Then we would become best friends." Cartman said.

"I thought we were best friends." Kenny said.

"You are my best friend, but you'd be my second best friend." Cartman said. "He is reserved for first place."

"Okay, Eric." Kenny said.

Cartman rolled over and stared at the sky. The next morning was going to be awesome again.