The Doctor tries to do her best by her friends. Sometimes she doesn't succeed.
Written for the Thirteen Fanzine prompt #1: I have a duty of care. I don't think I'm very good at introspection but I had a go.
She had always felt responsible for the people she travelled with.
Sure, way back in time when she had been exploring the universe with her granddaughter, it had been a low priority, the freedom to discover new planets without the restrictions imposed by her people far outweighed the danger that was also out there. She hadn't gained the experience and the loss that she had now.
The young are always foolish in the eyes of the old.
Looking back she knew that she had not done well by her first few companions, though with some she could barely remember the exact reasons why. Memories from those times had faded, the colours in her mind eye reduced to shades of black and white. Poor Ian and Barbara, inadvertently snatched from their time and taken across the universe when all they wanted was to get back home. But they had made it, unlike others.
All throughout her history she had tried and failed. Let the people she loved die or left them behind all because she thought better. Rose, Donna, River, Clara, Bill, just to name the ones since the Time War, not to mention the ones from her younger years. Susan, Adric- the two that still hurt most in her hearts.
She was young back then, naive. Stupid.
She had, and she still has (sorry Yaz, Ryan and Graham), a habit of ripping people out of their lives and changing them, expecting them to fit back neatly in the hole they had left behind. Change always happened, whether for good or bad, whether they want to or not. She had tried to improve, do better by her friends, but not always succeeded. Even with her best efforts she still lost them, failing in her duty to look after them.
Things were a little rocky with her last body, pushing everybody away so the universe couldn't take them away. Rough, sharp edges of his personality that only a scant few managed to bare, fewer to smooth them down even slightly. But that didn't stop the hurt, only amplified it when Bill was killed. He had failed her. He had not fulfilled his duty to her.
That was not going to happen again. Not with these three precious humans.
"Doctor!" Yelled Yaz from somewhere down one of the Tardis's many corridors. "The popcorn's ready. Ryan's about to put the film on!"
"I'll be there in a minute!" She yelled back, smiling at the colourful nebula before her, the pinks and purples and greens a balm to her tortuous thoughts, and scrambled to her feet in the open doorway.
Care came both ways, she had to remember as she shut the Tardis doors. She was responsible for the welfare of her friends but she had to allow them to care for her too. That's what made life worth it, caring and being cared for in turn. Embrace it whilst you can, Doctor.