He is falling.
He remembers the day he opened his eyes for the first time and became conscious.
He was little, tiny. He knew that much and nothing more. Who was he? Where was he? How did he end up there? Why was he alone? Why were his eyes hurting? Why were there strange, moving things on his back? Why was he crying?
There were colors, sounds and they were scary.
He remembers how he sobbed.
He remembers how light, the most beautiful thing he ever saw surrounded him. He was no longer cold or scared. Within that light, he was safe. So he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
When he woke, he was in the arms of someone bigger. The man looked down to him and smiled. He reached out a small hand with short fingers to touch the man's face. The man smiled wider and talked. He talked to him.
I name you Michael.
I am your father, your creator and God. I love you. You shall love me too. You shall have no other God than me. You are my son. You shall fulfill every order from me. I gave you life. You shall live for me and never go against me. You shall love every other thing created by me. I name you their protector. You are an angel. You are the first. You will be the oldest. You will be strong and fight for me. This is your purpose.
You are Michael.
That's simply cruel. You were a baby.
Michael remembers growing up in Heaven.
His father taught him. He loved him, kept him safe. He helped Michael take his first steps, learn to control his wings, learn to talk his first words.
One day, he took Michael by the hand and showed him to some place. It was beautiful. Just like his father's every creation, it was perfect. It was all sea and land, his father had told him. He was going to create plants and animals to adorn this place. He was preparing it all for another species of his creation. They returned to Heaven.
Michael started training that day.
His father taught him all about the things he created. He played with Michael. He took him in his arms and flied with him. He gave Michael toys. They were made of trees. They were called swords, he said. He wanted Michael to learn how to use a sword. When he managed that, when he was all big and strong, he was going to give a special sword to him. So Michael trained. His father was pleased. Michael was happy. Everything was good.
It wasn't good at all. You were a child, not a weapon.
He remembers, flying for the first time. He was bigger then. His wings had grown bigger too. He flied from one gate of the Garden of Eden to the other. His father was proud. He hugged Michael and praised his talent.
Everyday, Michael learned more and more. He was eager, he had his father's support. He liked making his father happy by showing him what new things he learned to do every once in a while. His father loved him. It was only the two of them and they were happy.
Then one day, around when Michael was a few hundred years old and as tall as his father, he had been called to the Garden. He had never told him to drop everything and go somewhere before. So Michael went immediately.
Time to turn into a war machine.
In the Garden his father smiled at him. Behind him stood two angels. A whole generation of them had been created as fully developed adults a few decades after Michael. They were there to do small work around Heaven and take care of the Garden. His father had told him that he was an Archangel. He was above those other angels, he had been told when they were created.
He bowed before his father and walked closer. One of the angels held a big, long box. The other held a bundle of blankets. Michael looked at them curiously then asked his father what he could do for him. His father held out a hand to caress Michael's cheek and watch his son with eyes full of pride. Then he stepped back and motioned to the other angels for them to come closer.
I have two gifts for you son. You are finally ready to receive them.
Hearing that Michael bowed once again in gratitude and happiness. Gifts. His father had gifts for him. His father was pleased with what he did. His father loved him.
This is plain wrong. Pleasing a parent shouldn't be the way to earn their love. You shouldn't need to earn love.
The angel with the box came forward first and opened the box he held. Inside, Michael saw a sword. It wasn't like any sword Michael saw up until then. It was not wooden like the first ones he received. It was not made of steel like the ones specially made for training that his father had given to him after he learned to fly. It looked like silver but held a glow so beautiful that Michael knew that too wasn't the case. His father slowly lifted the thing out of the box and held it out to Michael.
This is the sword you were born to wield. This is the sword that carries Heaven's power and my light in it. This is the sword I promised you when you were a fledgling. I give this to you. Use it wisely son.
Yes because teens are such wise creatures.
Michael took his sword and wrapped both of his hands around the hilt. The balance was perfect. It fit in his hands just right. It was both light and sharp. Just like he imagined through his childhood. Just like he wanted. This weapon that carried a bit of his father's power was designed and made for him. It was perfect.
His father watched Michael swing his sword around with affection all over his face. Michael laughed and faced his father again. With a small nod from him, Michael lowered the sword back into the box and thanked his father. He was looking forward to going back to his chambers to look at it again and actually try it.
With a light hand gesture from his father, the other angel walked to Michael's side and showed the bundle she held to him. Michael's eyes widened.
Inside was a sleeping fledgling, a baby.
He lifted his eyes to his father's face and his father smiled encouragingly, telling Michael to hold the baby. He looked back down at the tiny angel and carefully cradled him in his own arms taking him out of the blankets and supporting his head with one hand. The baby made a soft sound and instinctively curled against Michael's chest, close to his heart. Michael didn't know what to think really. The little thing was...just that: little. He was only about as tall as Michael's forearm and weighed nothing at all. He slept peacefully. As if he belonged in Michael's arms and he knew that. And Michael couldn't take his eyes off his small form. He had the tiniest hands and feet, he had chubby cheeks. He had puffs of small feathers on his back. He was a little red. And he was perfect. He wasn't like any other angels. He wasn't like Michael. He had this...aura. His grace was bright, so bright that Michael almost wanted to close his eyes. Yet the light was beautiful. The baby was beautiful. He had his father's light.
Michael watched the baby for minutes, without saying anything, without taking his eyes off.
You can't take care of a baby. It is surprising in itself that you even knew how to hold one.
His father talked again.
He is called Lucifer. Just like you, I created him for a purpose. He is made to carry my light to everywhere he goes and bring it into the hearts of everything I create. He is your brother, your responsibility. You shall look after him like I looked after you. You shall teach him. You shall keep him with you. You have received your sword today. I named you all of my creations' protector the day I created you. Lucifer is the first you shall protect. You shall do no harm to him, let no harm come to him. You shall love him.
And Michael did.
He just abandoned you two. He expected you to be Lucifer's father in his place.
Michael loved his baby brother so much that he often found himself thinking how he lived all those centuries without Lucifer. He took the baby with himself like his father asked him to. The next years were spent with him taking care of Lucifer and only Lucifer. In the daytime Michael fed and played with him. When night came, he sang Lucifer to sleep. His brother never slept in his own bed. Michael would put him down and the baby would immediately start wailing, looking up at Michael with his big, blue eyes. He was tiny. He didn't understand a thing. He was fragile. He needed Michael. So Michael would cradle Lucifer against his chest and take him to his own bed. Just like on the first day, Lucifer would shift around in his hold until he found Michael's heartbeat and immediately doze off once he curled himself right there.
Lucifer grew fast. In no time at all, he started making sounds like syllables. He learned to sit up when Michael placed him down with his back supported. He started talking. Then he started walking.
Michael was proud. This was his brother. His baby brother, growing bigger each passing day and starting to turn into the most beautiful angel ever created. His wings were white and they reflected light. Michael too had white wings, all the angels did but Lucifer's was different. Lucifer was different. When Michael passed through the Heaven with him, all the eyes would turn to them. All the angels would look at Lucifer and whisper among each other how magnificent the new Archangel was. Even as a baby, Lucifer amazed everyone. Michael would get excited thinking about the days when he would grow up and fully develop. He adored his brother.
Aren't these dangerous thoughts in God's Heaven?
On the day Lucifer learned to fly, their father came to them bringing a very familiar box with him. The sword. Michael had completely forgotten about it. Their father had sat with them for a little while, hugged Lucifer then left to go back to his work. He was busy those days. He had created the leviathans but wasn't really pleased with them. He had a whole new project, a big plan for his next creations.
Once he left, Michael took out the sword and showed it to Lucifer. The fledgling loved it. He ran around Michael the whole day and asked if he could teach him how to use the thing too. Michael promised to teach Lucifer everything he knew and his brother jumped into his arms, putting his ear to his heartbeat like he always did. Michael carried him back to their room and laid down with him like always. He was an adult angel, he no longer slept but Lucifer too didn't sleep without him. So Michael held him close, caressing his hair and whispering lullabies to him all night.
In the next few weeks, first Raphael then Gabriel were created.
They looked like Michael. They were little fledglings with small puffs of wings though they weren't nearly as tiny as Lucifer had been nor were they that beautiful. Gabriel had golden wings. Raphael's were pale brown. One was God's Messenger, the other the Healer of Heaven.
Michael felt a little guilty those days. He still does sometimes. He never loved any other of his siblings like he loved Lucifer. He loved them, he did. But Lucifer was...different, unique. He was always going to be unique. He had been handed to Michael as a newborn. Gabriel and Raphael were raised by some of the Seraphs. Michael first saw them a week after Gabriel was created. He now understands that God did that on purpose. God wanted Michael to bond with Lucifer on a level no one else could understand. Later, he would ask Michael to carve his own heart out.
Don't. You love all your brothers equally. You were just too attached to Lucifer. That's pretty normal after years of it being just you two and you practically acting like his father.
Time passed rapidly.
Before Michael knew it, Lucifer was a young angel. Maybe a teen on human terms of this day. He was beautiful, fascinating.
He looks a little older than his age.
Humans had been created. The pair lived in the Garden in their own corner. The archangels knew them. They played with Raphael and Gabriel. Michael talked to them, sharing God's wisdom with them as his father wanted. Lucifer came there only to take the younger fledglings back out of the Garden for their lessons. The humans, Michael had noticed, especially Eve looked at Lucifer weird.
He could understand that. Lucifer had an effect like a spell even on the angels and the leviathans before they were cast into Purgatory. A human was of course bound to be enchanted.
No. That's not normal.
One night, Michael found Lucifer in their room, sitting on the floor next to his bed with his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. He was crying quietly. He called out to his brother, Lucifer flinched and didn't tell Michael what happened no matter how many times Michael asked. Something sank in Michael's chest. A weight settled in his stomach.
Did she really-
He had never been so afraid.
Michael simply pulled Lucifer to himself and let the boy fall asleep like that. Just like when he was a baby, when he was little. Though he was still little. He was barely out of being a fledgling. If asked today, Michael would say he was fourteen, fifteen or so at the time.
He is fifteen. I counted.
A few days passed with unease on Michael's end.
Something was changing.
Lucifer didn't go out of their room again. He didn't sleep again. He didn't talk again.
The angels were restless too.
Something was happening.
Michael wanted to see his father while things were still calm.
He was late.
One spring morning on Earth, the storm came with full force.
God sent the Seraphim on Lucifer.
Michael was summoned to the Garden when it happened.
It was all planned.
Of course it was. He knew you would protect Lucifer. You would choose your brother any day.
His brother was alone.
He had been taken and dragged to the middle of Heaven where every angel could see him.
With Eve.
Everyone was talking, saying something different.
Joshua, the Keeper of the Garden was sent to deliver God's words to the waiting angels.
Michael was allowed to watch from above, where God himself watched the whole thing with him.
Lucifer, the second oldest Archangel, the Morningstar, the Lightbringer, you stand accused of going against God himself. You have been corrupted by the Mark and corrupted His creation. You have become a creature of pride. You have sinned.
Eve the human, you stand accused of adultery. You have sinned in God's Heaven.
No.
That couldn't be right.
Of course it's not. You know it.
Michael knew it. The truth resonated in his whole being as his baby brother, chained from wrists, ankles and neck cried for Michael to save him. He hadn't done anything. He begged for Michael to believe him.
Michael believed him.
Lucifer was a child still.
Adultery.
He couldn't have done anything of the sort.
Eve was a grown up woman, Lucifer a boy who still played with toys when he thought no one saw him.
And it dawned on him.
He had found Lucifer scared, crying.
Michael turned to his father, tried to tell him. God didn't listen. He merely watched the events unfold from his throne. Then he turned to Michael. He had made his decision. He told Michael to get his sword. Eve was to be sent to Purgatory. Lucifer was going be locked in Hell.
Don't. You don't have to.
Forever.
He was going to stay there.
He had betrayed God.
He had betrayed the Heaven.
Michael was to deliver the punishment in God's name.
Michael was torn apart.
He couldn't rebel to the God. He couldn't disobey him. Yet he was as he held the horrifying, disgusting piece of metal in his hand and walked to his little brother. Wasn't God the one who ordered him to protect Lucifer, to never do harm to him, never let harm come to him? How was he supposed to obey to that with his current orders to drag him to Hell?
Lucifer cried and begged.
Michael didn't listen.
God's will was always just.
God was always right.
Lucifer had betrayed them.
Just like God said, like everyone believed.
Lucifer had betrayed him.
Lucifer
That tiny baby who Michael held ag-
Lucifer was a traitor.
Did you really believe that?
All too quickly, it was over. Michael returned to th- his room to find Lucifer's things gone. It had been cleared out before Michael could return. The angels became silent about the one who they all admired and adored just a day ago. Lucifer's seat had been removed from God's meeting room. He had been given new names. Satan. Devil. Lucifer had been erased.
Michael buried himself in his work. He embraced his faith in his father like never before. He believed everything his father told him and fought for him like he was destined to from the start. He became the Commander of Heaven's Army. He became Heaven's most dangerous weapon.
You are not a weapon. You are more than that, so much more.
Slowly, it started to make sense.
Lucifer was different, always had been.
No Michael. No.
Michael was an angel. Raphael and Gabriel too.
Lucifer wasn't.
Lucifer was corrupted by the Mark.
Lucifer made everyone fall for him.
Lucifer hid his motives like that.
Lucifer made Michael forget about his other two brothers.
Lucifer planned it all.
Lucifer seduced the human.
He wanted to have them banished.
He hated them.
He was jealous of them.
He was a being of pride, thought himself above them.
Lucifer was the Devil.
Lucifer betrayed them.
How did he brainwash you? How much did you suffer?
After his brother's rebellion, Michael was never the same again. Michael never trusted anyone again. He never let anyone close again. Not even his siblings. He focused on the plan. He focused on his role. He focused on the Apocalypse. Lucifer had betrayed. Michael wasn't like that. Michael was the good son, the loyal son. Michael was God's soldier. He was destined to bring the Devil down in God's name.
He worked for that.
Lucifer had fallen.
You are falling too.
Michael is falling.
It feels like a whole eternity before he crashes down into the deepest part of Hell, into the Cage.
Finally, he hits the ground and smashes into a million pieces.
Michael has fallen.
God will save him. His father will get him out of the Cage, out of Hell, he tries to tell himself but deep inside he knows. Michael knows. God won't come. He won't help. He never did. Michael is no more than an old pawn, a broken toy. God can create more of him, better versions of him with less than a thought. God doesn't care. Why should he?
Still Michael keeps saying that his father will help him if only to not let Lucifer see how far the mighty Prince Of Heaven has fallen. He repeats that God will come for him as he and Lucifer fight, tearing each other apart.
Don't! You have no reason to!
On the other side of the Cage, Sam Winchester tortures himself and lets the Cage trick him into believing it is Lucifer doing all the torturing. Occasionally, the said archangel stops fighting with Michael to watch and applaud the show. Michael strikes him and coerces him back into their endless duel. He can't stop. He can't.
You can. Please.
He tried getting away from Lucifer and doing nothing once. He can't do that again. He can't bear what the Cage shows him. So he lunges himself at Lucifer and throws his brother to the Cage's wall, taking hold of his formerly beautiful now burnt wings.
Behind him Lucifer, four years old and scared of the dark, cries for his big brother with his pale blond hair and luminescent wings standing out in the Cage's shadows.
That's not real. This isn't the solution.
Michael gives Lucifer some time to pick himself up then attacks.
Again and again.
Because he can't stop.
He attacks the other archangel.
Because he can't face the fledgling.
It is about three hundred years after Sam Winchester's body and soul were saved one by one that the two archangels finally break apart. They don't have the energy to keep fighting. They need to rest, to catch their breaths. Michael finds himself a dark, cozy corner. Lucifer goes to somewhere Michael can't see him. The older archangel wraps his wings around himself and closes his eyes.
A hand touches his cheek. Michael opens his eyes. Right. Since Lucifer is on a break, it is the Cage's turn to torture him. Lucifer giggles and pulls his small hand back. Michael tells him to go away. Lucifer simply smiles down at him and asks him if he could start practising basic forms of flight yet. Michael shuts his eyes and ignores him. Lucifer sits down next to him and starts to childishly blabber about this one drawing he made while their dad worked on his newest creation called human.
That's not real. It's the Cage playing with your biggest sorrow. Ignoring him won't solve anything.
Decades pass.
Michael starts to lose the track of time.
Lucifer is six. He hurt his ankle. He wants to be carried.
Lucifer is twelve. He managed to fly to the Earth and back without taking a break for the first time. He is asking Michael if they can go flying together now.
Lucifer is four months old. He woke up just now. He is crying to be held and fed.
Lucifer is thirteen. He is scared. God just ordered him to take the Mark instead of Michael who has long become an adult. A fledgling shouldn't be corrupted no matter what. He should be an innocent being, one who was created to carry God's light at that.
Lucifer is seven. He has a toy sword. He is trying to copy Michael as he trains the Seraphim.
Lucifer is eight. He fell in Joshua's rose garden. There are thorns in his small fingers. He is crying for Michael to remove them.
Lucifer is one. He just learned to walk. He took his first step towards Michael.
Lucifer is fifteen. He is being dragged away by the Seraphim. Michael can't do anything but to merely watch as they beat the little one and rip handfuls of feather's from those magnificent wings.
Lucifer is two. Michael can't calm him down no matter what he does. He is running a fever for the first time.
Lucifer is nine. Michael just returned from a battlefield. The fledgling trips on his own wings as he runs to see his big brother.
Lucifer is five. Michael took him to Earth for the first time. He is hiding in Michael's wings because the animals are weird and scary.
Lucifer is eleven months old. He just reached his tiny hand out to Michael and called him dad. He doesn't understand no matter how much Michael tries to explain. He isn't even a year old yet.
Lucifer is three. Michael took him to see God. He grasps fistfuls of Michael's shirt and hides his face in his shoulder.
Lucifer is-
Lucifer is attacking him. It takes a minute before Michael can tear his gaze from Lucifer who is five and currently drawing him a picture and counterattack Lucifer. The other archangel says that it has been centuries of silence already.
They fight.
This isn't the way. You are brothers. You only have each other.
It lasts for over two hundred years. Lucifer takes some flames and guides them behind Michael to hit his wings. Michael turns to face the flames and jumps in front of them in the blink of an eye. Lucifer stops. He merely stares.
What are you doing? What happened to you brother?
Lucifer doesn't know. Lucifer can't understand.
He can. He spent eons in this Cage. He can help you.
Lucifer is two years old. He was playing with bricks on the floor right behind Michael. He can't let the fledgling burn.
Lucifer withdraws. Michael goes back to his corner to heal his wounds.
Lucifer is fourteen and holding a jug of holy water out to him to help soothe his pain after the battle.
Michael doesn't say anything.
Lucifer smiles. He is seven. He brought some of the salve they use on his little wings to remedy the growing aches.
Michael reaches out to take the small bowl.
This isn't real.
Michael's hand freezes.
The voice in his head isn't his own.
Then he remembers.
Adam.
Finally. I've been trying to reach you.
Adam how are you still alive here?
You protected me. Don't you remember? You trapped me in my mind so you would go under all the torture of the Cage. This is why I tried to talk to you. I wanted to help you too.
Adam- I am sorry. You are trapped in Hell because of me.
Don't be. You are forgiven fully. Don't give the Cage another big regret to use against you. You are already getting weaker each passing day.
Regrets?
Lucifer is an adult. You know that right? The other one is merely an illusion created with your memories.
I know...I think I forget that sometimes.
It is because you are going wrong about it. Ignoring it isn't the way to beat the Cage. It will always find an occasion to catch you off your guard. I know because I have been watching for centuries now. Because you protected me, I never got harmed.
What will I do then? All my life, I have worked with orders. Now I am alone here. What are my orders now?
Michael...there are no orders anymore. You are free. You should think yourself, try to protect yourself. You are not a mere weapon that can be replaced.
I am though. I am sure God already went and created another one of me.
He might have created another archangel sure. But it will never be you. You aren't an object. You have thoughts, emotions, memories. I saw them with my own eyes.
Why was I casted away as soon as God had no more use of me then? Why am I abandoned here all on my own?
You aren't alone. You have Lucifer-
Lucifer is-
You have me.
Adam-
I am here with you.
Michael opens his eyes and raises his head at the sound of approaching steps.
Adam stands before him, smiling down at him with Lucifer, around two years old, balanced on his hip with one arm while the other arm rests behind his back.
No Michael! I told you I forgive you.
Adam reveals his other hand which holds the sword. Michael's sword. He laughs and Lucifer giggles as they get closer.
Michael can't move.
The flaming sword is almost at his throat now.
Michael can't escape. He will-
Michael! MICHAEL!
Michael shakes his head. Adam disappears. Now it's only Lucifer, looking up at him with a big toothy grin and proudly holding out a drawing of animals and flowers.
Michael you can't go on like this.
I know.
Can you- can you also lock yourself in here? With me?
In your mind? I can.
Great! Do that.
Why?
I want to show you my own memories. Just do as I say. There's no Lucifer in here.
Whatever fight the archangel had in him disappears at the last sentence. He closes his eyes and concentrates.
When he opens his eyes, he is sitting on a sofa in Adam's childhood home with the said human by his side. "Adam-" He starts but is immediately interrupted. "Shh! Just watch." Michael is confused but he obeys when he sees the small smile on the teen's face.
Kate Milligan walks into the room with baby Adam and a bottle. She turns on some cartoon about colors and shapes and sits on the plush rug. She starts talking to Adam as he drinks slowly. She is telling him about her life before her son. It was great but something was always missing. That something is Adam. She is so happy to have him. He gives her joy. He gives her hope. She loves him so much that she can't imagine ever being left without him. Adam is her everything. She even forgives John for leaving and telling her she was no more than some good time because he gave her Adam. And he is just perfect. He is chubby and cute and looks a little like her father. Adam is great. Because he is her son. She is proud of him. Even if he doesn't turn out successful and good, she will still be proud of him. She will always love him.
Michael watches silently. He doesn't understand.
All the pain Kate went through just to end up alone with a baby. Left by both her parents who were very religious and abandoned by John Winchester, her job doesn't pay enough for a second person too. But she is happy. Adam is just a baby. She isn't trying to explain him his purpose. She isn't demanding anything. Adam is a normal infant. He isn't even that special. Still Kate says she is proud of him.
Michael sits there with the human and watches as the years go by. Outside, Lucifer is crying for his big brother to come back, to never leave him and Lucifer is trying to break into his head, seeking another fight already. He focuses on Adam's memories instead.
Kate Milligan walks into the room after a three years old Adam who is trying to run away with his small legs as if his life depends on it. Apparently, it's bath time. Kate chases him all around acting slow on purpose. It soon turns into a game. Adam is giggling, laughing as his mother pretends to pant for breaths and as if she can't manage to take hold of him.
Adam is five. They enter the house together. Kate got out of her shift early because one boy punched Adam in his first day of kindergarten and the teachers couldn't calm him down. So Kate picked him up and bought his favorite ice cream. They sit on the floor in front of the TV and turn on cartoons with the sound off. Kate dubs the whole thing using different voices for each character. It is funnier like this for the boy. Adam laughs as his ice cream drips everywhere. He isn't sad or scared anymore. He has his mother. Even when he is weak, even when he needs to escape from something, Kate will always be there. She will always be proud of him. She will always protect him.
Michael doesn't understand. Adam should have been strong. He should have fought the other boy off. Why isn't Kate telling him that?
Adam is eight. Kate sits on the dining table at one a.m. She just got home. She is now working on Adam's science project for the harder parts he couldn't do himself. Adam watches her, rubbing his eyes with his small fists and yawning. In the end, Kate picks him up to tuck him in his bed.
Adam is nine. Kate was fired two months ago. She can't afford a babysitter anymore. She has to go to a job interview. The boy has to stay by himself for the next four hours or so. The young woman is crying as she leaves the house and Adam watches her through the window.
Adam is eleven. Kate comes home at nine p.m. A wide smile spreads on her tired face when she sees Adam waiting for her with the dining table set. She reheats the food in the small pot and they eat meagerly with her giving the larger portion to Adam and going for stale, sliced bread while Adam has the fresh pieces.
Michael doesn't understand. Adam should have noticed that he has the better plate. He should have given it up in loyalty to the sole parent who is working to raise him. Michael would have.
Adam is fourteen. He is dressing up for the middle school graduation party. Kate worked double shifts for a whole week to get him that suit. Adam is so happy. Kate is proud of him. He looks so handsome. She gets teary eyed as she takes a photo of him. She loves her son.
Michael is confused again. Adam's grades weren't that good. He didn't do house chores. He didn't do anything special. Why does he deserve a gift from his mother?
Adam is eighteen. He just got into college. He is going to be a doctor. Kate sleeps with him in his bed on his last night home.
Adam is nineteen. He sees his mother for the last time before he gets eaten alive by her.
Adam is nineteen. He is saying yes to Michael just to see her once again.
Kate loved him so much. She was the best mother ever. She devoted her whole life to him and died young just because he, the third son of John Winchester existed. Kate gave her life for him and never expected anything in return. Adam gave her nothing in return. He should have worked to be a good son everyday. He should have deserved his mother's care. He should have become a warrior for her and fight every man who let her down, every boss who fired her even though she was a good employee, every friend who looked down on her for being a single parent… He didn't.
So why?
Why was he worthy of Kate's affection?
"You are missing the point here Michael." Adam addresses to him with his hand placed on Michael's shoulder. "A parent loves their child unconditionally. A child loves their parent without worrying over if they are good enough for them. Love is given without expecting anything as a price. My mother needed a warrior yes but she didn't want one. She wanted a son. Children aren't supposed to be grateful. Children are petty and selfish. Parents need to be patient and loving with them. Parents should love them. Not just when they are successful or nice. They should love them when they don't do good in school, among friends, in life. They should teach their children better and protect them. No kid should grow up being forced to do something, become something. Good or bad. Children play, they have no worries over anything. You understand that?"
Michael stays silent for a long while. He tries to understand. He does. But he doesn't want to accept it. That just means he was no more than a toy in God's hands. That means God never loved him. He knows that Lucifer grew up without their father's love but he thought he had that as the Prince Of Heaven. What Adam showed him means he didn't.
"I know it's hard to accept Michael. But you should try. I saw your memories. I saw how God treated you. Michael, Lucifer was the only one who loved you unconditionally. He was small and innocent. He loved you. You loved him like that too. You loved him like a parent. This is why you were- you are attached to him. This is why you regret not being able to save him."
Michael wants to talk. He wants to interrupt the human and say something. Nothing comes to his mind. Adam is right. Michael knows it. He finally understands. "Michael. God kept your other brothers away from you. It was all part of the plot. He wanted to make this situation as hard as possible. It is all a trap. Please Michael."
The archangel sighs, slouching forward with invisible weight on his shoulders. "What should I do?" Michael asks and Adam looks at him with sympathy. "What do you want to do?" Michael inhales sharply and takes his head in his hands. Adam places a hand on his back and slowly pulls him closer. Michael rests his head on the teen's chest and Adam wraps his arms around his shoulders. Michael listens to his heartbeat. He has never been held like this. His father never hugged him like this.
"I- Adam. I want- I want to-" Michael tries to talk. There's a knot slowly forming in his throat. Is he going to cry? In front of a human? He never cried after Lucifer fell. "I want him back." Michael lets out in the end and the very first sob escapes his chest. Adam tightens his arms around him. "I want Lucifer back. I want my brother back.-" He starts trembling and Adam starts caressing his back and whispering soothing words to him. "Don't hold yourself back Michael. You know I won't judge you."
"-He was little Adam. He was a fledgling. I want Lucifer back." His voice is getting louder with every word. "He was tiny. He was a child. That woman- Lucifer didn't. God- God planned this all. This is a game to him. Lucifer. I want- How did I let this happen?" He is outright crying now. "I raised Lucifer. He was- I can't- How did I- I loved him. I love him. How? Why didn't I fight? Why didn't I kill those angels? Why didn't I fall with him? Lucifer was- He couldn't sleep without me. He was fifteen. He was afraid of the dark. How did he stay in hell all alone? How did he- His wings weren't even fully developed yet. Lucifer! I- Adam. I-"
The sobs finally take over him. Michael cries. Adam holds him close. For the first time ever, Michael feels safe. He has been alone ever since God stole his baby brother away from him. For the first time since then, Michael isn't on his own. So he cries, lets himself be weak.
"Adam it hurts! I- Lucifer- Make it stop! Please-" Michael takes Adam's hand and guides the human's fingers to his own forehead. "-It hurts Adam. I- I am weak. Help please-" Adam pulls his hand away to wrap his arm back around him. "You are not weak Michael. Crying doesn't make you weak. It shows how strong you are. You are not afraid to face your emotions. You are not afraid to feel. You are strong Michael. It must have been hard, so hard to keep it all inside all this time. I understand." Michael calms down a little as he listens to the human. He starts talking again. He wants to let it all out.
"That place wasn't Heaven. It wasn't home without Lucifer. My brother- My little Lightbringer. It was all dark, gloomy without him. I was weak. I hated it there. When God left- I wanted to escape. Gabriel escaped! He couldn't take it. I couldn't too. But I- I had to stay. I was ordered to- I never- Lucifer was a kid. His toys are still in his room. Adam-" The human nods. Michael leans in even closer. For the first time ever, he is speaking up. He is telling this to someone, he is spilling the venom. Adam doesn't judge, doesn't ask him anything. He listens and holds him. Michael is warm. He isn't alone. There's a heartbeat right under his ear. Michael embraces that.
Kate Milligan comes and goes. Little Adam runs around. They sit together, watching the memories flow by. Michael calms down, whispers whatever he remembers to Adam. The human listens. He never lets go of Adam.
When it's over, when Michael finally pulls himself together, it has already been four hundred years in the Cage.
They still sit side by side, they look at each other different now. They see each other in a different light. They have seen their most vulnerable states now. They share something different now. They don't speak. No words are necessary. They understand each other now.
Outside Lucifer is still crying, his voice hoarse now. He is still calling for his brother. He is scared. Michael listens to him with sorrow. Lucifer has stopped pounding on the wall Michael has built around himself and Adam. Lucifer is crying, his little shoulders are shaking. Adam looks at his face and tilts his head to the side. He understands immediately. He sighs.
"There is one way to make him disappear. You know that right?" Michael nods. He knows. But- "How will I do that Adam? How?" Adam reaches out again. He holds Michael's hand and squeezes his fingers. "Are you ready to get out of here?" Michael thinks for a few minutes. "I don't know. I am not sure." Adam closes his eyes before smiling at him. "Let me take over then. Let me face Lucifer. I have things to say to him too."
Michael's eyes widen. "Lucifer is angry. He is- Adam you can't." This human… Why? Why does he want to help Michael this much? Why does he even- Why isn't he scared? "Lucifer won't harm me Michael. If he tries, you will be here anyway. You can take over anytime. Just let me. As long as that fledgling stands there, you won't be able to do this on your own. Please Michael. Trust me." He does. Adam is- Michael remembers what went through his head as he watched Adam's memories. He was wrong. Adam is something special. Kate raised him with love. His heart now shines brighter than God's light which Michael thought to be beautiful all through his life. He was wrong. Adam's soul, his ight is the brightest he has ever seen. Michael trusts this one young human.
Adam leaves not long after. Michael sits with Kate and a one year old Adam as they play with colorful blocks. He distantly hears as Adam approaches Lucifer. The other archangel is angry. He wants to attack Adam. He doesn't. He didn't even touch Sam Winchester. The human did everything to himself. Lucifer's business is with Michael, not with anyone else. Never with anyone else.
It is a few minutes or a few hours later, Michael doesn't know. He has long forgotten the meaning of time. He feels the familiar, bright grace of his younger brother creeping around. Is Adam letting him in? Michael panics for a moment.
No.
The human is showing Lucifer something. He gently guides the other archangel around his mind, in the labyrinth of his consciousness. They never come close to Michael. They just walk around. Michael hears Adam's voice once. He doesn't understand what the human says. He doesn't try to anyway. Instead, he gives all his attention to Adam, three years old and playing with a large puzzle quietly as Kate works on some paperwork lying next to her son on the floor.
It's a long, very long while before Michael feels himself being pulled forward. Adam is stepping back, leaving the control to him. Michael didn't expect that. He thought the human would come back, tell him how it all went but this? All at once, he finds himself out of Adam's mind, back in the Cage. It must have been nearly a whole millennium since they first fell in.
Michael opens his eyes and looks around. Lucifer is there, thirteen and staring sadly at the red Mark on his right forearm. Michael watches him. The fledgling raises his head, eyes pleading. Michael wants to walk over, hold him close. He knows he shouldn't but- He is Lucifer.
As Michael takes a step forward, a hand catches his arm from behind. He turns to look. Lucifer is there, looking in his brother's eyes with his own teary ones. He looks as if he cried for a long time. It's so surprising that Michael can't tear his gaze from him. He can't look away from his little brother. For the first time since they were separated by God, Michael really looks at him.
Lucifer has grown up. He has changed. There are scars all over his grace, marks left by all the time spent in this litteral hellhole. His wings are burnt to a gruesome charcoal and a bloody, muddy crimson color. How much they must still hurt. His eyes shine a beautiful, graceful red, still the same but older and more tired. Michael remembers how much he loved those eyes that were only one of the many things that made his tiny Morningstar unique.
They stare at each other. No words are spoken. Then suddenly, Lucifer leans in and wraps his arms around Michael. Instinctively, the older archangel pulls his little one close much like how he used to hold him when he was a newborn who constantly cried when laid down in his crib. Lucifer takes in a short breath in a small surprised gasp. Michael is more surprised at himself though. Even after all those eons, he still remembers how Lucifer likes to be embraced. He still doesn't want to let go just like when he was a young man and Lucifer, a toddler.
They don't, can't talk. Michael slowly crouches to sit on the floor without loosening his hold around Lucifer a bit. The latter shifts and moves around a little until he finds Michael's heartbeat. After what feels like hours of silence, Michael notices that he is talking, telling Lucifer about how he beat a whole army of demons just that day in whispers and the little one has long drifted away to sleep. Just like on the very first week of his existence. Just like in their last night together before the fall.
Michael looks around. Lucifer is sleeping leaning against him. He is an adult. There's no fledgling here.
Adam sits, leaning against a wall a few feet away, watching the two of them with a smile on his face.
Michael smiles back.
It's one thousand and two hundred years later when all three of them crawl out of the Cage through the opened gates.
They join the Winchesters in their fight against the God.
Michael is no longer a soldier of God. He is no longer the Prince Of Heaven.
He is falling.
Yet he isn't scared like he would have been only a few decades prior.
His little Lightbringer has fallen this way too.
Michael should've followed him long ago.
He is falling.
He doesn't care. He has his brother back. He has Adam with him.
God's Heaven, his teachings used to be so valuable.
Not anymore though.
He has found something far more valuable, he thinks as he gazes into the eyes of his human and Lucifer watches them with the most tender of expressions on his face.
Michael is falling.
He isn't God's archangel anymore.
He is falling.
He likes the feeling of freedom that rushes in his veins.
He has found his own Heaven.