Look at Me, I'm R&D
Author's Note: Enjoy the story and R&R.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to or of Magic: The Gathering, nor do I intend to offend through any material expressed herein; I am merely mimicking self-referential Un-set humour.
Summary:
Stet, Draconic Proofreader unleashes his 2WW wrath upon Magic R&D.
"Stet, I need those proofs by 2 p.m. Or Gleemax will explode our heads!"
The bespectacled dragon editor growled at his murine supervisor's warning, picking the Pillarfield Ox he had on break out of his teeth. If he weren't saving for his kids' college tuition, he'd go down to the Forbidden Room below corporate offices and lay into that mutant alien brain with a wordy beatdown!
"Do you hear me, Stet?"
Lousy mice. It hasn't even been six months since they got their own creature type in Throne of Eldraine!
"Stet."
Therosian gods, this place really was the Pit!
"Stet."
How did he get stuck in R&D? As a whelp, he dreamed of hoarding gold, like any good, classic dragon.
"Stet!"
Working overtime in a dead-end job. No respect for his draconic heritage. No appreciation for the crucial function he fulfilled.
What happened when he took sick leave that time? Oh yeah, the Monarch marker made it all the way to print in Conspiracy: Take the Crown with the typo "At the beginning your end step"!
"STET!"
He pounded his desk and breathed freezing rage into his and the surrounding cubicles.
Gary from accounting became "Ary," "Ry," "Y," and finally a total nobody. The bureaucrat's other co-workers fled the same outburst, their identities gradually deleted, letter by letter.
The giant brain in a jar sitting in the basement was not pleased Hasbro's profits took a hit.
The last thing Wizards of the Coast® needed was another Rebecca Guay or Chandra/Nissa-style controversy on their hands.
What could they do to control the narrative?
Announce a new Secret Lair drop?
Ship uncut foil Rare/Mythic sheets to affected employees' families?
Abolish the Reserved List?
No, that would only generate more controversy. The lawyers would be stepping on their necks.
Okay, so they'd bend their vanity rule this once to give Stet his own card in Unsanctioned and keep things hush-hush. That should appeal to the dragon's self-importance, right?
Proofreading. What a thankless career.