He had lost count of how many times he had watched the apartment block from the coffee shop across the street. It was by far the most boring job anybody had ever paid him to do, but then there were worse things then sitting around drinking coffee all day. He knew! Still, nothing ever happened, the boy left for work in the morning and came home at night. Except for the occasional night out with friends or work colleagues the kid seemed to keep mostly to himself. He never brought anybody home.

A few times he had stayed out all night, but on investigation it turned out the kid was a killer workaholic! Once he had seen the kid so drunk his friend from work had taken him over to his place for the night. But that was just the once. Really the boy was pretty lonely and miserable, if he was any judge…

Then, for two whole days the boy never exited the apartment. He had gone in sure enough but he hadn't come out. Was he sick? He had reported the situation to his employer but his instructions had been to sit firm and report back once there was activity. He had called the boy's place of work and been told, "Sorry Sir, Mr Mayer has taken some vacation time."

Then suddenly, a few days later, he saw the dark hair of his mark emerge from the main entrance to the red brick building… only he wasn't alone. Interesting! Walking in step with him and holding his hand was a young man with longish blonde hair, and by the looks the two were giving each other it was pretty obvious they were a couple. And in love too if he wasn't mistaken…. Well! Of all the things he expected might happen, he hadn't expected this. The boy didn't look the type.

Of cause he had called it in as soon as the specified time allowed and his ear rang for days from the torrent of hate and abuse that the report had resulted in. Let's just say that his employer was less then pleased at the news, calling the blonde anything from "maggot" to "pervert" and threatening all sorts of damnation on the poor kid's head.

...

Noah felt like he had rocks in his stomach. He was sure the anxiety would swallow him whole, but he had no idea how to stop it. They knew this moment would come, but he was still totally unprepared.

"Hey…" Luke was in the process of zipping up his bag and lifting it off the bed when he noticed the total look of devastation on Noah's face. The tall man stood in the corner, leaning up against the wall, his arms wrapped around himself like a child. "Noah?"

Noah lifted his eyes from the carpet and gave Luke a wary look. Luke went straight over to him and sadly hugged him in close, allowing his lips to lightly brush the side of Noah's neck before whispering in his ear, "I'll be back as soon as I can…"

"Promise?"

"I promise…" and he leaned back to make eye contact before giving him a tender kiss. "I just have to make sure the Foundation can run without me, check on the neuro wing and get myself reassigned to Grimaldi Shipping here in LA. A month tops!"

"I wish I could go with you…" Noah sighed, "The thought of being here without you, even for a minute…"

"Hey! I'm expecting a few weekend visits, you hear?"

Noah smiled, "Try stopping me!"

"Well you had better mister! Otherwise you know my Mom will hunt you down!" He smiled and then added softly, "I'm going to miss you too you know? I wish there was some other way, but once this is all sorted then we can be together. For good!"

Luke's phone beeped and he walked over to the dresser to read the message, "Cab's here."

Noah closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

They walked to the apartment door together but before they reached it Noah grabbed Luke so violently he dropped his bag on the floor. Noah held him tight, "I can't do it! I can't do it, Luke!"

Luke pulled back and held both of Noah's tear stained cheeks, one in each hand, "Yes you can. You can because you belong to me and I belong to you! And nothing's going to change that, ever again! You hear? One month, Noah… then we will be back together… where we belong… okay?"

Noah was sobbing but he nodded.

"Can you do me a favour while I'm gone?"

"Anything."

"Could you unpack all those damn boxes already? Because I AM coming back… I like the weather too much not too!"

Noah laughed through the tears, "Okay."

Luke gave him one final deep kiss and then he was gone.

Noah stood alone taking in quick breaths for half an hour before he calmed down enough to make his gloomy journey into work. It was going to be a long day and he dreaded the thought of coming home.

...

Jeez but he hated these LA types! Like for example, right this minute he was staring at some rat of a dog all dressed up in a tutu! "Who does that?" he muttered to himself.

He was so amazed by the jewel encrusted creature he almost missed the blonde's exit from the building. There was a taxi parked right outside and the driver proceeded to help the kid place his travel bag in the trunk. Pretty boy looked like he was holding back tears. It was obvious the kid was on his way home.

He had already been told by his employer to follow him… so he did.

...

Noah threw his keys on the coffee table and slammed the door after a pretty gruelling day at work. Everything that could go wrong had gone wrong and it wasn't helped by Noah's general mood. He felt like he had been walking around with a dark cloud hanging over his head. He had tried to shift it but he had this nagging pain inside that he just couldn't ignore.

Without switching on the lights, he staggered around the shadowy apartment, not sure what to do with himself. Finally he leaned his back up again the door and slid down to the floor, pulling his knees up and hugging them close. The emptiness hit him more then it ever had during the days before Luke's arrival. The absolute lack of Luke's essence was all he could feel and he couldn't stop small moans from escaping his lips as he noticed the knees of his trousers going dark with tears.

"Luke!" he said to the walls, "How am I supposed to do this?"

To try and steady himself… maintain his sanity, Noah thought back to Friday. It had been both the worst and the best night they'd spent together in Los Angeles.

...

After the fight in the park they shakily returned home with the knowledge that neither of them had the strength to talk, even though they both knew the conversation wasn't over yet. Somehow they both understood this. Instead, the moment they entered the apartment, they headed into the bedroom where they silently helped each other remove all their soaked clothing.

Despite the fact that LA is never that cold, being outside in the downpour for so long meant both men stood shivering, naked, in front of each other. Luke turned to open the large built-in cupboard and removed a white towel from the perfectly folded stack inside. He knelt down on the carpet and started to dry Noah's feet; then his legs; his torso; his arms. Once standing, he walked slowly around Noah and carefully dried off every bead of water that made its way from Noah's hair to the small of his back. Every so often during this process their eyes would make heavy contact and breaths would shudder at the sheer eroticism of the act.

Then it was Noah's turn. He too used the towel to dry off Luke, sculpting it around every muscle of him, mesmerised by the magnificence of his well toned body. The relief he had felt in the park increased as he marvelled at Luke's presence. The whole situation with Mason had ended really badly, causing this issue with Oliver to be intensified for them both. The fear of what Luke might do in a fit of passion had hit Noah, and the worst memories from their past had flashed through his mind making him feel angry. Mostly that Luke appeared to have learnt nothing from the events back in Oakdale. God, but that felt like a lifetime ago!

But then, just when Noah was about to lose hope, he had felt something different within Luke. He could sense the shame and remorse radiating from him. And for the first time he believed that Luke really did understand. They were both… different. He was confident that Luke truly trusted his love for him and no longer feared his rejection. Luke finally got what Noah had always tried to tell him.

Once dried off both men instinctively took a step forward so that their bodies melded together. They stood like that for a while, skin on skin, arms wrapped firmly around each other, hands exploring backs, memorising the feeling of each other. Finally Noah manoeuvred Luke to the side of the bed and then gently lowered him down, his hand supporting the back of Luke's head, holding eye contact. Both were hungry for each other… both were a part of each other. Noah pressed his lips against Luke's, his tongue claiming… exploring Luke's mouth and when he came up for air he whispered, "I'm so in love with you…"

Luke smiled in response, pulling Noah's face down to meet his in another burning kiss.

The scent of Luke was enough to make Noah want to throw himself on him in pure abandonment of lust, but instead, he breathed deeply, and kissed Luke's face along the hairline of damp blonde waves and then once on each eyelid. At that Luke quickly rolled them over so that Noah found himself lying back on the bed with Luke above him. A subterranean quiver ran through the warm flesh of Noah's thighs and Luke, now kissing him up his neck, uttered a small sound… a slight moan… that caused a similar quiver to dart through Noah's belly.

Then they were lying on their sides, mouth on mouth, without any real notion of how they had moved there. The length of Luke's body pressed into Noah's and he was aware only of the heat of him… burning like fever.

Luke's palms were hot as they explored Noah's chest, "I can feel your heart."

"Tell me if it stops…" Noah whispered in response and Luke let out a small breathy laugh.

Then Luke's hands tightened on his chest and Noah felt him relax, opening his legs to him. A hand floated up from the dark and lay along his cheek, gentle… tender…. Luke kept it there as Noah took him, laid open in trust, while his other hand held firm on Noah's beating heart. Noah moved slowly, deeply, and when he felt Luke quiver he thought… his… his to touch and rouse, to call to him…. And when Noah finally cried out he shuddered in Luke's arms, pressing his forehead hard against his, trusting Luke with that moment when his strength turned so suddenly to helplessness.

...

Noah felt more drunk then ever before. Not groggy or sleepy though; alive to everything. He could smell his own sweat; he could smell Luke's. He closed his eyes and breathed, tightening his grip on Luke's shoulders as they lay in the aftermath of their love making… both of them wrapped in unity.

More then an hour passed while they lay there and finally Noah spoke first, "I want you to know that I've never once regretted meeting you."

"Noah…" But Noah cut him off by placing a finger on his lips, which Luke kissed softly.

"That moment… the moment I told you about… when I wished I'd never met you? It lasted only a second and… I hated myself even more… for ever thinking it!"

Luke rolled over onto his elbow and kissed Noah then.

Noah continued as they stared at each other, Luke playing with his hair, "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here right now… I'd be fighting some war, terrified that my unit… that my father… would find out the truth about me… hiding myself! But instead I'm actually here! In LA! And I'm a director! I'm living my dream and it's all because of you!

"I can't take all the credit you know… You were the one that stood up to him."

"Yes, but you were the one who gave me the courage too. So… I… I need you to know that, even if we'd never found our way back to each other…" his voice stuck suddenly, "God that's a terrifying thought! But even then… I'd always be grateful for my time with you… I'm grateful for every single second I get to spend with you."

"I love you too, Noah." Luke replied, "And there's something I need to say too."

Noah nodded.

"About Oliver…" Noah shifted uncomfortably but Luke continued, "If you can be so understanding about Reid, then I can understand about Oliver… Okay?"

Noah sighed with release, "Okay."

"I'm not finished…"

"Go on…"

"I was never fair to you back then… because… it was like I resented… it was like I judged you for things you hadn't even done yet. For things I believed were inevitable… you know? Because why would you choose me? Why would this amazing person…" and at that he slowly rubbed his hand down the side of Noah's face, his brown eyes studying every part of it,"… want to spend the rest of his life with ME? And the truth is… you never gave me any reason to doubt your love for me. It was just my own stupid insecurities getting in the way."

"It's over now."

"Yes but I need to say… I'm sorry, Noah… I'm so sorry for everything! I was a spoilt brat and you deserved better from me."

"I received so much from you Luke! Really! You gave me love, confidence… a family! You made me feel safe. You helped me realise I could be myself. You were there throughout the blindness… despite how I treated you! I love you so much!"

"I love you too. I wish we could stay like this forever." And Luke settled down in the crook of Noah's arm, moving his hand to rest on his chest.

Noah waited as Luke seemed to be considering something and then after a few minutes he said, "I'm flying back on Monday morning."

Noah felt like he had just swallowed glass.

"I have to go back, but it won't be for long, okay? This is where I want to be… right here with you… and I'll spend every waking hour working at getting back to you. Do you believe me?"

"Always."

...

Noah's thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing and he struggled to squeeze it out from the pocket of his trousers, "Come on dammit!" At last it popped out. He glanced quickly at the caller ID before answering, "Lilly! Hi!"

"Noah! It's so good to hear your voice honey! How are you?"

"I'm okay thanks." he tried to hide the pain in his voice, "And you? How is everybody? Holden? The kids?"

"We're all good! All looking forward to a visit from you soon! Long overdue don't you think? We all miss you, you know? Especially the kids."

"I miss you too."

"Anyway, I was wondering if Luke was around? I really need to talk to him."

"What?" It took Noah a few moments to process what she had said.

"Luke? You know, my son? The guy you've been keeping prisoner in your apartment for a month?" She laughed slightly.

Noah on the other hand felt the walls closing in on him, "Um, Lilly? Luke left for Oakdale this morning…"

Lilly faltered, "Wha… I mean… are you sure?"

"You haven't seen him yet?"

"No. I've been trying his phone for hours but all I get is voicemail. I thought he may have decided to stay with you for another day…"

Noah felt the floor drop from under him. That bad feeling he had been carrying around was beginning to feel like small explosions going off somewhere deep inside him. "He left… this morning… Lilly… I… I… It was weird that he hadn't called, you know? After everything… but… I figured he may have had some issues being back in Oakdale and needed some time…" and then more to himself he muttered, "Oh my god! Where is he?"

His damp eyes scanned the apartment, the place feeling like a tomb, extremely small and airless. He ran one shaky hand through his hair.

Both he and Lilly had been silent for a while as the shock of what this could mean sank in. Finally Lilly said, "Okay. Look Noah! I'm sure there's a rational explanation for this. What did he say before he left? I mean… how did he seem?"

"He was… he was sad. We both were, you know? But… I mean, he was fine! He was handling the whole thing better then I was."

He knew that Lilly would be worried at this, knowing that it was totally out of character for Luke not to visit his family first thing on his arrival, but still she said, "You know, he probably stopped by GS first and got caught up in the frenzy… I mean he's been gone a while and there was only so much he could do from your apartment in LA."

"I guess…" Noah was not convinced.

"Don't worry sweetie… I'm sure he's just tackling that pile of paperwork on his desk and he's most likely lost track of time. I'll call GS now to find out if he's there, okay? And I'll call you right back."

"Okay…" And that's all he could get out. His voice was strangled with panic. Something was wrong. He knew it! He had known it all day but he'd chalked the feeling up to Luke's departure. He now realised it was much, much more than that!

...

Boy but the kid was a fighter! He thought there would be nothing to it, just grab him and go. But the kid had fought him tooth and nail and he was still holding an ice bag over a black eye as he drove. He thought maybe a rib was cracked too. Damn! Now, as he headed east to pick up his employer at the specified location, he was getting more than a little irritated by the profanity being issued from within the trunk of the BMW.

...

It didn't occur to him to switch on the lights. Once he realised Lilly was no longer on the phone he wondered around in a haze, feeling useless. He tried Luke's number and, as it rang, said a silent mantra over and over, "Pick up, pick up, pick up…"

"Hi, this is Luke Snyder. Thank you for your call but I'm busy right now…" God oh god!

Somehow he ended up in the bedroom and he spotted the shirt Luke had slept in, lying discarded in the laundry basket. Almost reverently he picked it up, held it to his face and breathed in the remainder of Luke's scent. He was definitely falling apart. He was sure of that.

He was holding his phone in his left hand and just at that moment it started to ring. He checked the display and almost died with relief, "Oh my god Luke! Where are you? I've been worried sick!"

"Hello Son."

No, no, no, no, no! Noah's legs buckled from under him and he collapsed in a heap on the floor. Luke's shirt was clutched to his stomach and the phone was glued to his ear. The entire room was spinning but he managed to choke, "Where is he?"

"Is that any way to greet your father, son? I thought I taught you better manners!"

"Please, please…" He gasped. He was totally losing it. He tried with all his might to hold it together. He HAD to. His father had just called him! On Luke's phone!

"Where's Luke Dad? Please…"

"The filth is fine and will remain fine so long as you behave! Understood?"

"Yes, yes! Anything!"

"Do you have a pen and paper?"

Noah scrambled for the bedside table and felt a stab when he spotted the strip of photo's he and Luke had taken in the booth only the day before. In the back of his mind he noted that Luke had torn off three of the picture squares to take with him. He quickly grabbed a pen and pad, saying a silent prayer of thanks that his boyfriend was in the habit of writing in bed. "Okay I'm ready…" and he wrote down the address his father gave him in an unstable scrawl.

"Understand Son! You come alone and you tell no one! "

"Don't hurt him Dad… please!"

"Just get here!"