Ablaze

by awalkerlifeforme

Aspen Antaeus has escaped the Hunger Games twice. She has become the face of the rebellion against the Capitol. But there is one thing stopping her from assuming her role as the Mockingjay. Her husband, Cato Hadley, was left in the arena to die. But when Aspen is given proof that he lives on, she joins the fight. And she will not stop. Not until every inch of the Capitol is ablaze.

4. Chapter 4

Buttercup's eyes reflected the faint glow of the safety light over the door as he laid in the crook of Prim's arm, back on the job, protecting her from the night. It was enough to make me smile. It had been a long time since I had seen something like that. She was such a sweet kid. Sometimes I forgot that she was still just a little kid. Right now she reminded me that she was. She was just thirteen years old. Just a little kid who was in way over her head. I knew exactly how she felt.

She was snuggled close to Ms. Everdeen. Katniss was sleeping at the foot of the bed. She looked like she was about to fall out of the bed but she was very still in her sleep. Not like me. Asleep, they looked just as they did the morning of the Reaping that landed me in my first Games. Prim sleeping close to her mother, Katniss the silent protector, and me, awake and alert, watching over them from afar. There were only two beds in our room. The Hadley's only had four, and their room was about the same size.

Theoretically I probably should have been sharing the bed with Katniss. It would have been easier than the three of them crushing into the one bed together. But it didn't work out that way. Instead I had a bed to myself because I was still recuperating from the lightning blast and 'miscarriage' and because no one could sleep with me anyway, what with the nightmares and the thrashing around. The only person who could sleep in the bed with me was in the Capitol right now.

After tossing and turning for hours, I finally accepted that it would be a wakeful night. As they usually were. The only reason that I had been sleeping so much as I had over the past few weeks was because of the Morphling that they were giving me. But I was finally completely off of it and I had never been so grateful. Everything was suddenly much clearer. Unfortunately it also meant that sleep was elusive. So under Buttercup's watchful eye, I tiptoed across the cold tiled floor to the dresser.

The middle drawer contained my government-issued clothes. Not very pretty. I dressed nicer back in District 12. Everyone wore the same gray pants and shirt, the shirt tucked in at the waist. Although there was also the nice little jumpsuit that we got. We had an option to wear either one. One of the only options that the people of District 13 seemed to get. Underneath the clothes, I kept the few items that I had on me when I was lifted from the arena. I had recently become too paranoid to leave them out.

Just in case someone decided to try and take them. My Mockingjay pin. Cato's token, the gold locket with photos of Ms. Everdeen, Prim, Katniss and Gale inside. His wedding ring looped in it. A silver parachute that held a spile for tapping trees, and the pearl Cato gave me a few hours before I blew out the force field. District 13 confiscated my tube of skin ointment for use in the hospital, and my bow and arrows because only guards had clearance to carry weapons. They were in safekeeping in the armory.

The two photographs that I had and the picture that Cato had drawn were the only things that were sitting out. Boggs had promised me that no one would touch them. I smiled weakly and placed my forefinger and middle finger against the picture of Cato and I in the cave after the wildfire. Even though it had happened well over a year ago it was a memory that I was sure would never fade. You know, I never had a redeeming quality until you.

Neither did I, Cato.

My fingers felt around for the parachute and I slid my fingers inside until they closed around the pearl. I sniffled softly as I dumped the spile back into the cabinet and went to sit back on my bed cross-legged. A few minutes later I found myself rubbing the smooth iridescent surface of the pearl back and forth against my lips. Why? I couldn't have said. For some reason, it was soothing. A cool kiss from the giver himself, since it had been so long since I had felt a real one.

Slowly I sank back into the bed and let out a few deep breaths. My hand gently splayed out to my side. For a moment I hesitated, wondering what I was doing. That was when I realized what I had been doing. I was searching for Cato. But he wasn't here. Not yet. I sighed and dropped down against the sheets, holding the pearl tightly. Eventually I drifted off into a restless sleep. At first it was a simple dream about Cato, as I had dreamed about so often since being brought to District 13.

But it hadn't stayed that way for too long. Like so many of my dreams, it very quickly turned to a nightmare. I had been wrapped in a hug with Cato when I had felt something damp pressing against my stomach. We had jumped apart when I had realized that his stomach had a gaping wound in it. Someone had stabbed him. And I was too late to stop it. The blood was already flowing and soaking my hands. It wasn't until the light left his eyes that I realized that I was the one who was holding the knife.

My mouth dropped open in a piercing scream. I had done it... I killed him... A moment later I launched myself up in bed, still screaming at the top of my lungs. As I tried to leap from the bed and sprint off, I realized that something was holding me down. It wasn't something, actually, it was someone. They were pressing me down into the bed, keeping me from running off. My eyes sprang open and I relaxed the moment that I realized that it was just Cato. We were alone in the small room.

"It's okay... It's just a dream... You're okay," Cato whispered.

His voice was low and comforting. The way that it always was after I woke up from one of my horrible nightmares. My skin was soaked with sweat and so were the sheets. Cato gently pulled me into his lap as I let out a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. He was alive. He was here with me. I hadn't done anything to him. He was healthy and alive. Cato pressed a small kiss against my forehead as he gently took his thumbs and ran them over my temples.

"I'm sorry. It's just a nightmare," I said softly.

"That's okay, I get them, too," Cato said.

Apparently he did. That was what everyone told me. But I never knew. Even after a year, I still never knew when he had a nightmare. He would take care of me when I had them, but I never knew how he was having one. It was like he said. He didn't thrash around. He didn't scream. Supposedly he did, but it was only when he was back home and unable to sleep with me near him. Mine were worse when he was gone, too.

"You should wake me up when you get them," I said.

"It's okay, Aspen. They're always about losing you. Once I wake up and see that you're here, I'm okay again," Cato said, gently running his hands over my arms.

It was very reminiscent of a conversation that we had been in before. "What was the first thing you thought about me?" I asked, after a few beats of silence.

"What?" Cato asked, looking surprised.

"Tell me. When you saw my first Reaping, what did you think about me?" I goaded.

"I thought that you were... interesting," Cato said. I snorted under my breath. That was one way to describe me. "There had never been a volunteer from District 12 before. Not that I could remember. You were strong and brave. Heartbroken, too. I wanted to know more about you."

"That so? Have you learned enough?" I asked.

"I could never learn enough about you. I want to know everything," he said.

Slowly I glanced around the room. We were in the middle of a war. The wrong time to get to know each other. "We don't have enough time," I muttered.

"Maybe not," Cato begrudgingly agreed.

"But there are plenty of things that you do know about me," I commented.

"That's true. You like the heat. You don't like the cold. But you do like the snow. You bite your lip when you're nervous. The last time that you cried before all of this was when you were six and you broke your arm. You love coffee and you only drink it black. You have to have all of your books and papers in line with each other. You love singing but hate doing it in public," Cato murmured.

My heart was fluttering slightly. It was one of those moments that I realized just how much Cato loved me. Because he knew all of those little things. He knew that I liked the warm weather from the Capitol but the snow made me smile. Because I loved playing in it. At least, I had when I was a little kid. It had always made me happy, especially when Gale and Katniss would come and play with me. And, as she got a little older, we would take Prim out with us. She had always loved it.

When we met, I had always bit my lip when I was nervous. It was a bad habit. Something that I had done since I was a little kid. My lip used to always be torn up. It was something that the Prep Team had been forced to work with when I had first gotten here. I'd grown out of the habit during the Games. If I had still done it then I would have completely bit apart my lip and permanently scarred it. Instead I had come to the habit of digging my nails into my palms, something that Cato would try to get me to stop.

My tears seemed to never stop these days. It seemed like I was always crying. Because now there was always something for me to cry about. Coffee was something that I definitely loved. But I didn't like the cream or sugar. It made it too sweet. Unrealistic. I liked the bitterness. Everything in my shelves was always in line with each other. It had always bothered me when things were out of place. Singing was always one of my favorite things to do. It always would be. But I would have never done it for the Capitol.

"Just in case I thought that you didn't really know me," I muttered.

"Your turn," Cato said.

My eyebrow quirked. "What's that?" I asked dumbly.

"What did you think when you saw me for the first time?" Cato asked.

A tiny snort came out of my mouth. "That I stood no chance. Not against you. I was looking you over and trying to figure you out. Weapon, strengths, and weaknesses," I said. It made me realize just how cold and calculating I was. I had always been the real Career. "Then I looked at you and I was immediately hooked."

A grin turned up on the corner of Cato's lips. "Oh?" he asked.

"I thought that you were very attractive," I admitted.

Now he was definitely grinning. We both laughed as Cato kissed me gently behind the ear. "Now I don't feel so bad for looking at you the way that I did," Cato said lowly.

"Cato!" I barked, embarrassed. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he said.

"How can you be so understanding about everything? Everything that I've put you through?" I asked.

"Because I love you. There's always one person in your life that you can't walk away from, even if you know that it would make things so much easier. You're mine," Cato admitted.

A tear formed in my eyes and I sniffed, blinking it back. "You should walk away. It would be so much easier," I muttered.

"Maybe. But when two people really care about each other, they always find a way to make it work. No matter how hard it is. We're not easy, Aspen. We never will be. But I wouldn't trade us for anything in the world," Cato said.

"I wouldn't either," I said, my voice breaking.

"I'm going to take you back home one day, Aspen," Cato promised.

"It's destroyed," I whispered, my voice becoming weaker.

"We'll rebuild it," Cato said.

He's too good for you. "That's not your home. District 2 is your home," I said weakly.

Cato shook his head and gently rolled us over, so that I was laying flat on his chest. "My home is wherever you are," Cato said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ears. "We'll go back. Live in that house in Victor's Village. Take Katniss, Prim, and your mother. Even that stupid cat."

Snorting under my breath, I pushed my head down into his shoulder. A moment later I glanced back up. "Buttercup. That's his name. You've never met him, have you?" I asked.

Cato shook his head. "No. Will you introduce me when we get back home?"

"Of course."

Although I had a feeling that he wouldn't want to meet Buttercup. But he was also better with animals than I was. He was better with everything than I was. Cato rolled us over again so that I was underneath him. He pressed his lips against mine as I wound my hands back around his neck. My heart was fluttering as his hand wound its way down my stomach to pull at the shirt that I was wearing, making my stomach twist with something in between anticipation and nerves. Like always.

But that was also the moment that I realized that it wasn't just anticipation and nerves. It was something so much more. It was the first time that I realized that I didn't have to just live in the now. It was the first time that I realized that there was no use in just living in the now. It was the first time that I thought that I might have been able to have a future. And Cato Hadley was my future. He was the only person that I could have ever thought about having a future with.

"Will you stay with me?" I asked, breaking the kiss.

"Of course. Yeah," Cato said. He moved onto my side and grabbed me around the waist. "Always."

His lips gently traced the word across my jugular. I shivered slightly as I pressed myself into his chest. Just as I had so many times before. And I let myself fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat, just as I had so many times before. But a moment later I shot upright in bed, not screaming, just panting. Cato was gone. He was just a dream... Just a fragment of my imagination. But I still pressed a hand against my throat, still feeling the ghost of his touch.

"Aspen?" Prim whispered. My head jerked over towards her. She was awake, peering at me through the darkness. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just a bad dream. Go back to sleep," I said.

My voice was very soft to make sure that I didn't wake up Ms. Everdeen and Katniss. I had woken them up enough recently. They were always getting woken up by the piercing screams and manic thrashing that would start in the middle of the night and be almost impossible to stop. My words right now were as soothing as I could make them. It was automatic. Shutting Prim and Ms. Everdeen out of things to shield them. Things were a little different with Katniss. She was older and stronger. She could take it.

But even she didn't hear about everything that had happened to me. Because I couldn't put that burden on anyone. Not even Gale or Cato. They didn't deserve that. Careful not to rouse Ms. Everdeen or Katniss, Prim eased herself from the bed, scooped up Buttercup, and sat beside me. I curled my feet up underneath my knees and smiled weakly at her. She touched the hand that had curled around the pearl. Now I realized that I had fallen asleep with it in my hands. Maybe that was why I'd had the dream.

"Aspen? Prim?" Katniss called.

Our voices and movements had likely woken her up. She had always been a light sleeper. "We're here," I whispered back.

If nothing else, at least we could keep Ms. Everdeen out of the conversation. And with Prim awake, I couldn't talk too much about what was happening. She was getting older, she was getting stronger, but I couldn't tell her everything that had happened. She was still too young and the whole thing was my burden to bear. My own faults. My own problems. Katniss jumped up from her own bed gently and slid into bed with Prim and me. She laid down at my hip and pulled Prim against her.

"Everyone's awake?" Katniss asked.

"Not for long," Prim said, referring to the fact that we had only been up for a few minutes. "Mom's asleep though."

"Come here, Cat," I said, pulling her closer.

The three of us used to always sleep like this. "You're cold," Prim commented.

Taking a spare blanket from the foot of the bed, she wrapped it around all four of us, enveloping me in her warmth and Buttercup's furry heat as well. Katniss laid against me and I smiled. It had been a long time since I had slept, almost completely content, with the two of them. Right now it was nice to even have Buttercup here. I noticed that the cat laid itself a little closer to me than normal. I couldn't figure out why. Maybe because he knew that I was hurting. Because he knew that I couldn't take more hurt.

The four of us rearranged ourselves in the bed together. I was up on the pillows with my feet tucked underneath myself. Katniss was on one side of me with her elbow propped up on my hip. Prim was curled into my other side with her head laid on my waist. Buttercup was in between the two of us, purring contentedly. For the first time in a long time, even before the first Games, I was comfortable in bed with someone other than Cato.

"Thanks, sweetie," I told Prim, pulling up the blanket a little tighter.

"You could tell us, you know. We're good at keeping secrets. Even from Mother," Prim said.

"She's right, you know," Katniss said.

So she was really gone, then. The little girl with the back of her shirt sticking out like a duck tail, the one who needed help reaching the dishes, and who begged to see the frosted cakes in the bakery window. Katniss and I exchanged a quick look. Prim was even braver than I was sometimes. Time and tragedy had forced her to grow too quickly, at least for my taste, into a young woman who stitched bleeding wounds and knew Ms. Everdeen could hear only so much. Where had my bug gone?

"I know. You two are good like that. At least, most of the time," I said, giving Katniss a pointed glare.

Now that one Prim must not have known about. She looked very confused. That was one thing that Prim couldn't know about. "Oh, stop," Katniss said, rolling her eyes. "What's on your mind?"

"Come on," Prim goaded.

"Tomorrow morning, I'm going to agree to be the Mockingjay," I told them.

My words were so sudden that it was obvious that I had surprised them. "Good, Aspen," Katniss whispered.

"Because you want to or because you feel forced into it?" Prim asked.

That one definitely got to me. She was much more intuitive than I thought that she was. So I laughed a little. Even Katniss laughed. After a beat, Prim laughed, too. The three of us had to be quiet to make sure that we didn't wake Ms. Everdeen up. She wouldn't have been happy to know that we were chatting about the Mockingjay. I had a feeling that she didn't want me to do it. Because she knew just how dangerous that position was. Even more dangerous than the Games themselves.

"Both, I guess. No, I want to. I have to, if it will help the rebels defeat Snow." I squeezed the pearl more tightly in my fist. "No one hates the Capitol more than me. It's just... Cato. I'm afraid if we do win, the rebels will execute him as a traitor. He's my husband. I can't stand that happening to him," I whispered desperately.

Losing him was my worst nightmare. I had him back now. He was right there, in the Capitol. Healthy. Alive. Maybe not totally happy and healthy, but he was alive, and that was all that mattered. Losing him now would have been something unbearable. Not when so much had already happened. Prim and Katniss exchanged a long look, likely both thinking it over. I had to guarantee his safety either way. He had it with the Capitol. Now I needed it with the rebels. To my surprise, Prim came up with an answer first.

"Aspen, I don't think you understand how important you are to the cause. Important people usually get what they want. If you want to keep Cato safe from the rebels, you can," Prim said.

"Prim is right. There's got to be some way to keep Cato safe from the rebels," Katniss agreed.

"Am I important enough?" I asked.

They certainly seemed to think that I was. It was the only reason that they hadn't let me die when I had first come to Thirteen. "Of course you are. To them and to us," Prim said.

I brushed back her hair and smiled weakly. "I guess I'm important. They went to a lot of trouble to rescue me. They took me to Twelve," I said, remembering just how dangerous it had been.

"Exactly. Just demand it," Prim said.

"You mean... I could demand that they give Cato immunity? And they'd have to agree to it?" I asked.

Katniss and Prim exchanged another look before nodding again. "Just threaten what they can't have," Katniss advised. I stared at her blankly. "You changing your mind."

Of course. The one thing that they couldn't have was me telling them that I would be the Mockingjay, only to have them schedule all sorts of appearances and making speeches and rallying the Districts, only to back out of it. Especially if they made all of that public knowledge. It would make us all look terrible and halt the rebellion. Plus I was smart enough to know that they needed me. There could only be one Mockingjay and, unfortunately, that was me.

"I think you could demand almost anything and they'd have to agree to it." Prim wrinkled her brow. "Only how do you know they'll keep their word?" she questioned.

Suddenly I remembered all of the lies that Haymitch told Cato and me to get us to do what he wanted. What was to keep the rebels from reneging on the deal? A verbal promise behind closed doors, even a statement written on paper - those could easily evaporate after the war. Their existence or validity denied. Any witnesses in Command would be worthless. In fact, they'd probably be the ones writing out Cato's death warrant. I would need a much larger pool of witnesses. I would need everyone I could get.

"It will have to be public," I said. Buttercup gave a flick of his tail that I took as an agreement. "I'll make Coin announce it in front of the entire population of Thirteen."

"Perfect. And Cato's family will love that," Katniss said brightly.

They would be thrilled to hear that I was going to save him. He would be safe. "They will. They're already thrilled that he's alive. Keeping him safe from whatever Thirteen will do to him will be even better," I said happily.

At least somewhat happily. Prim smiled. "Oh, that's good. It's not a guarantee, but it will be much harder for them to back out of their promise," Prim said.

"I'll kill Coin myself if she backs out of it," I growled.

"I'll be right there with you," Katniss agreed.

My head turned to her in surprise. "I thought that you didn't like Cato?" I asked.

Katniss gave me a long look. "He's growing on me," she finally admitted.

"Is that so?" I asked.

"Yes. Because I've seen all that he does for you. And I've seen just how happy he makes you. I don't want to see him hurt. Because it'll hurt you," Katniss said softly.

The two of us stared at each other for a long time. I couldn't believe that she was really friendly with him now. I knew that she had been trying to get along with Cato for my well-being. I knew that she had been trying and I knew that Gale had been trying to do the same thing. I would always appreciate it. And I really appreciated knowing that they were going to stand by me with this. At least, Katniss would. I wasn't sure if I was going to tell Gale about it. I didn't know how he would react.

"Yes. That would hurt me a lot. More than anything," I finally said.

"Maybe we can all hang out together when he gets here," Prim said, making me smile.

There was the little kid in her. "He might need some time to readjust to everything, but I think that he'll manage. He'll be okay soon enough," I said.

He would just need some time to acclimate and get over whatever happened in the Capitol. "We'll all help him heal. That's what we're all here for. To heal each other. No matter how hard or how long it takes," Katniss said.

It made me smile. They were really willing to change everything. The way that they felt about Cato, the way that they felt about me, and how strong I we all were. We were going to figure this out. We were going to figure everything out. The two of them smiled at me as I grabbed them both and brought them into little hugs. My sisters. My best friends. I ended up feeling something that I hadn't felt in a long time. It was the kind of relief that followed an actual solution.

"I should wake you up more often, little duck," I teased Prim.

"I wish you would," Prim said. She leaned over and gave me a kiss.

"You suck, Cat," I teased.

Katniss set her typical glare on me; something that I hadn't seen in a long time. "Yeah. And you're an ass," Katniss snapped, making all three of us giggle.

"Try and sleep now, all right?" Prim asked.

Slowly I nodded at her. We all did. Katniss and Prim jumped back into bed with Ms. Everdeen, shifting very slowly to make sure that they weren't going to wake her up. I slowly slid back into bed, the pearl still clasped tightly in my hands. It was the first time in a long time that I hadn't had a nightmare. Because my worst nightmare had been proven false. Cato was alive. As my eyes slid closed and my hand tightened on the pearl, I had a pleasant dream for the first time in a long time.

That afternoon. That damned afternoon. The afternoon that he had drawn that picture. The one that showed the life in my eyes. The life that had only recently come back. The slight part in my mouth when I started thinking. The flyaway hairs from the braid that I would put my hair in. And that little crinkle in my eyelids when I smiled. Of course, he hadn't shown me that picture for a long time. I had been clueless about it until that day had almost been over.

We were sitting up on the roof together. The sun was starting to sink in the sky, letting me know that we must have been entering the back half of the afternoon. My hands were in my lap, twirling the blankets around. I was humming an old hymn that Mr. Everdeen had taught me under my breath, slowly tracing my hands up and down Cato's legs. He had a notepad propped up against my shoulders as he flicked his pencil back and forth. The picture was facing away from me so that I couldn't see what he was drawing.

"I didn't know that you liked to draw," I finally said, breaking the comfortable silence.

"I never really did before. It's something that I just started doing recently. I like it," Cato said.

"You're really good."

He had shown me a picture of the flower crown that he had done earlier. He hadn't shown me the one that he was working on now yet. "Been practicing recently," Cato said.

"Can I see?" I asked.

"No. Not until I'm done."

"That's not fair!" I barked.

Cato briefly looked up from his paper. "Why not?" he asked.

"Because I'm your wife."

"Not good enough."

"Excuse you!" I hissed, reaching back to slap him on the chest. He laughed under his breath. "I'm your wife, I deserve to know."

Cato briefly placed down the picture, making sure that I couldn't see it. "Yes. You are. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to show you. Not until I'm finished," he said, pressing a kiss on my forehead.

He picked up the picture again and went back to drawing. "Will you at least tell me what it is that you're doing?" I asked.

"When I'm done," Cato promised.

"Oh, you're such a jerk. I deserve to see what you're painting," I growled, smacking him.

"Drawing. Not painting," Cato muttered.

He was definitely in his zone. More so than I had ever seen before. Even more than when he was swinging his sword back and forth. "Whatever. Come on, Cato. Show me," I said, poking at his leg.

"I'll show you when I'm done. It's important that I finish it first," Cato said.

"You sound very intense about it," I teased.

The corners of Cato's lips quirked upwards. "Quiet," Cato snapped playfully.

"I thought that you liked hearing me talk?" I offered.

"I do. Just not right now," Cato said.

The two of us sat together for a while as I crossed one leg over the other, tightening the blanket around me slightly. "Do you like to draw?" I asked quietly.

He had never mentioned his habit of drawing to me before. I couldn't remember him ever saying anything about it. "Yes. It relaxes me. Something to keep my hands busy. I used to swing around a sword or twirl a knife. That would make me feel better. Then it changed. Now I like to draw," Cato said, almost absentmindedly.

"Peeta liked to draw and paint, too," I whispered. That was enough to draw Cato's attention. He glanced up from the paper to stare down at me. Suddenly I felt a little bashful. "That was how he got so good at camouflage. He would decorate the cakes in his bakery. They're really good. His brother Rye does them now."

"Was he good?" Cato asked, gently running his fingers down my arms.

"Extremely. His parents gave me some of his paintings. There's one of Katniss and me up on a hill, weapons at our sides, waiting for game," I said, my voice catching in my throat. "That's my favorite."

Some emotion shot through his eyes. "You have it?" he asked.

"Yeah. It's hanging up in my room," I said. "I hope that Katniss takes it -"

"You two can share it when you're back," Cato said.

"No -"

"Sing something," he interrupted.

That was when I knew that he wouldn't let me take the conversation any further. No more arguments. Not today. Not on one of the last peaceful days that we would ever have. This was the last peaceful day that I would have. He would get his chance to have more. It would take some time, and they might not ever be like they were now, but he would get there. Cato brushed the hair back behind my ears and I looked up at him, deciding to give into his wish for a song.

"What do you want to hear?" I asked.

"Anything," Cato said.

So I ran through the songs that I had heard all of my life. There were a number of songs that I knew. So many that I hadn't gotten the chance to sing in many years. There was one in particular that I had always liked. But it was one that I hadn't sang in a long time. It was one of the few that I had been taught by Mr. Everdeen. And I was the only person who he had taught it to. Because he had always wanted one thing to be between us. One thing that he had gotten to be my father for. So I took a deep breath and sang softly.

"Loo-li, loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay
Loo-li, loo-li, loo-li lai-lay

"Lay down your head and I'll sing you a lullaby
Back to the years of loo-li lai-lay
And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow
Bless you with love for the road that you go

"May you sail far to the far fields of fortune
With diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet
And may you need never to banish misfortune
May you find kindness in all that you meet

"May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay

"May you bring love and may you bring happiness
Be loved in return to the end of your days
Now fall off to sleep, I'm not meaning to keep you
I'll just sit for a while and sing loo-li, lai-lay

"May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay, loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay

"Loo-li, loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay
Loo-li, loo-li, loo-li lai-lay
Loo-li, loo-li, loo-li lai-lay
Loo-li, loo-li, loo-li lai-lay
Loo-li, lai-lay."

As my voice trailed off, Cato smiled down at me. I could see that his eyes were getting heavy. It had been designed as a lullaby. "That's pretty," Cato said softly.

And it always had been. "I used to sing it to Prim and Katniss to get them to go to sleep. It's been years since I've sang it. The last time was... the morning of Katniss's first Reaping," I said, remembering that horrible day. The scariest day that I had ever experienced, before the day that Prim was Reaped. "To put her back to sleep before she had to go."

"They need you," Cato said.

"Not anymore. Katniss is a big kid and even Prim... they've grown up," I muttered.

"Because you were there for them. You have to keep being there for them," Cato said.

"And what about you?" I asked shortly.

"What about me?" Cato asked.

"What if I need you to be here for me?" I asked.

Cato leaned down and pressed a small kiss against my mouth. "I'll always be there with you," Cato said, running his hands down my arms and smiling sadly at me.

In the morning, I jerked awake in bed and shot up, breathing out heavily. Katniss and Prim were staring at me. Ms. Everdeen smiled softly and pressed the sweaty hair back off of my face. The morning was here. I could hear the bells signaling a new day of work for the people in District 13. And for me... a new beginning, I supposed. Prim was sitting on the edge of the bed and poking me on the shoulder. Clearly I had been sleeping through the bells. I wasn't used to hearing them.

It took me a few moments too long to realize that they were waiting for me. They were wondering what the hell had happened. They knew that it was a bad dream but, like usual, they wouldn't dare ask me what it was about. So I just smiled weakly and stood up, getting changed for the day. That was enough to make them turn away. I had always known that the one thing that I had to do was convince them that it was just a bad dream and nothing more. There was nothing else bad happening.

They knew the truth by now, but they weren't going to call me out on it. Not today. I started running the brush through my hair and changing back into the standard District 13 uniform when I glanced back at the picture frame. I had almost forgotten that it was just a dream. For a moment I had been so confident that Cato would be in bed with me. Or in the next room over with the Hadley's. But I would just have to wait until he actually was with me. Which would hopefully be soon.

The four of us finished getting dressed before heading out into the main hallway. My hands were shaking slightly as I shook them out. I was nervous. What for? Maybe that they wouldn't accept my demand of saving Cato and the rest of the Victors. Not that I cared for Enobaria or Johanna or really even knew Annie. But she meant the world to Finnick and, to be fair, Johanna had risked her own life to save mine. As we walked into the main hall I held my hand under the scheduler and watched.

The moment that I turned my gaze downwards, I saw that 7:00 – Breakfast was directly followed by 7:30 - Command, which was fine since I might as well have started the ball rolling. That was good with me. I wanted to get this done and get the whole thing started. The sooner that I started performing as the Mockingjay was the sooner that they would rescue Cato. Or we could win the war and he would be safe. Either way, it would be over with soon enough. It just started with today.

At the dining hall, I flashed my schedule, which included some kind of ID number, in front of a sensor. As I slid my tray along the metal shelf before the vats of food, I saw that breakfast was its usual dependable self - a bowl of hot grain, a cup of milk, and a small scoop of fruit or vegetables. Today, mashed turnips. I groaned at the sight of it. Sometimes I really did miss the Capitol food. It was the one thing that I might have missed about the place. Other than Cinna, but that was too late.

All of the food came from Thirteen's underground farms. Apparently they were quite impressive. I hadn't seen them yet. I sat at the table assigned to the Everdeen's and Hawthorne's and some other refugees. Of course, it was assigned to the Antaeus's, too, but considering that I was the only one left - and that wasn't technically true - no one ever bothered saying it. Besides, the only title that they cared to give me was Mockingjay. I shoveled my food down, wishing for seconds, but there were never seconds here.

They had nutrition down to a science. You left with enough calories to take you to the next meal, no more, no less. Serving size was based on your age, height, body type, health, and amount of physical labor required by your schedule. The people from Twelve were already getting slightly larger portions than the natives of Thirteen in an effort to bring us up to weight. I guessed bony soldiers tired too quickly. It was working, though. In just a month, we were starting to look healthier, particularly the kids.

Katniss and Prim easily went through their food. I'd noticed that Prim was gaining some weight. Which was good, since she had lost some after the announcement of the Quell. Gale set his tray beside me and I tried not to stare at his turnips too pathetically, because I really wanted more. Despite the fact that they were gross, I was starving. I'd barely eaten lately. He was already too quick to slip me his food. Even though I turned my attention to neatly folding my napkin, a spoonful of turnips slopped into my bowl.

"You've got to stop that," I said. But since I was already scooping up the stuff, it wasn't too convincing. "Really. It's probably illegal or something."

"Share it, then," Gale said.

So I split the rest of the turnips between Katniss and Prim. "Thanks," Katniss said.

"Thank you," Prim chirped.

They had very strict rules about food. For instance, if you didn't finish something and wanted to save it for later, you couldn't take it from the dining hall. Apparently, in the early days, there was some incident of food hoarding. For a couple of people like Gale, Katniss, and me, who had been in charge of our families' food supply for years, it didn't sit well. We knew how to be hungry, but not how to be told how to handle what provisions we have. In some ways, District 13 was even more controlling than the Capitol.

"What can they do? They've already got my communicuff," Gale said.

"Which is quite the punishment," I teased.

"I could cry for myself," Gale said.

We both snorted into the tiny remains of our turnips. I giggled under my breath as I leaned over and stole the last little bit off of Gale's plate. He was snorting under his breath again. I leaned back in the seat slightly and laid my head on my hand. Everyone was giving me concerned looks, but no one said anything. Probably because they knew that I was in deep thought. Whatever was about to happen was important. The Mockingjay was finally going to play her part.

As I scraped my bowl clean, I had a sudden inspiration. The food here was repulsive. It was even worse than the food back in District 12. At least there we had to have food that was high in fat to keep us alive. We didn't eat much and they were small portions, but they were fatty and greasy. Here we had slightly larger portions but everything tasted like cardboard. But that was just because that was what they could grow. But if we could get something more...

"Hey, maybe I should make that a condition of being the Mockingjay," I said suddenly.

Gale and Katniss turned to look at me. "That I can feed you turnips?" Gale asked.

"No, you idiot," I barked.

"Well, what?" Gale asked sharply.

"That we can hunt," I suggested. That got his attention. Katniss's, too. She whipped around to look at me. "You and me and Katniss. We'd have to give everything to the kitchen. But still, we could..."

My voice trailed off. No one sitting near us needed to hear what I was about to say. Because that would have only made things even worse for us. They were already questioning where our allegiances lay. No one needed to know that we were interested in talking about what was really happening. I didn't have to finish my sentence because they knew. Katniss and Gale understood. We could be above ground. Out in the woods. We could be ourselves again.

"Do it. Now's the time. You could ask for the moon and they'd have to find some way to get it," Gale said.

"Oh, please. I'm so sick of being here," Katniss whined.

It was enough to make me smile again. The two of them needed to be out in the woods. I wanted to be out there so badly. I missed the days that we were out in the woods with no one to hear us. Or so we had thought. Apparently there were cameras out there the entire time. But that was in District 12. There likely weren't any in District 13. At least, not in the woods. It didn't matter. They likely wouldn't say yes. Gale didn't know that I was already asking for the moon by demanding they spare Cato's life.

That would be dangerous enough. They wouldn't like that much. That would have to be the last thing that I would say. Best to save the worst for last. Or something like that. But something else dawned on me. There were other people who likely couldn't wait to get out of the confines of District 13. A number of people hated feeling that they were being suffocated down here. Cato had always wanted me to take him out to the woods and teach him to hunt. I couldn't do that right now, but I could...

"I think I'm going to ask for Dean to come out, too," I said suddenly.

"Why?" Gale asked.

"Because Dean is my friend. He's been good to me over the past year," I said, feeling a little defensive.

"So the four of us?" Gale asked.

"No. I'm going to go out with you and Katniss. And one day I'll take Dean out," I said.

It would be a good chance for the two of us to get out and speak with each other. In private. With no one else listening to what we were talking about. And I wanted to chat with Dean out of the ear shot of the rest of District 13 and our families. And if there was anyone who might have known Cato better than me, it was Dean. The two of us could just... talk. Exchange stories. Bond over the one thing that we had lost and wanted so desperately to have back.

"You sure that's such a good idea?" Gale asked.

My eyebrow quirked. "Why would it be a bad idea?" I asked.

"Because of..." Gale started, eventually trailing off.

It was obvious enough where he was trying to go with the whole thing. "The District 2 bias that you can't seem to get over? Gale, relax," I said, rolling my eyes and downing some water. "Dean is a good guy. He's been a good friend to me for the past few weeks."

"He seems to be one of the nicer guys here that I've met," Gale admitted.

"See?" I asked, my voice adopting a sing-song note. "He's not that bad."

"Just..." Gale trailed off again.

He would never trust anyone from District 2. It was just in his nature. But I would try my damnedest to get Gale to tolerate Dean. "He doesn't blame me for what happened to Cato. He's not going to hurt me out there. And you know that I have a faster draw anyways," I said, rolling my eyes. "Knock it off, Gale."

"Leave her alone, Gale. I've been hanging around with Dean. He's nice," Katniss said.

"Thank you," I said.

"You should have one of us out there with you," Gale said.

Trying to lighten the mood slightly, I smiled and nudged Gale on the shoulder. "How about I take Seneca Crane out there with me?" I asked teasingly.

"Aspen," Gale warned.

Rolling my eyes, I nodded slowly. "Okay, fine. Sorry, I know it was a bad joke." Gale was still scowling at me. "Come on, Gale. Smile. Please?" I asked, poking softly at him.

"I'm working on it. I do miss my communicuff," Gale said, wistfully tapping his wrist.

"I'll work on getting it back for you, Soldier Gale Hawthorne," I teased.

"You sound pretentious as hell," Gale said.

Katniss and I both turned to him. I had never heard him use a word like before. "I thought that you slept through writing class?" I asked.

"That was you," Gale shot back.

We both laughed under our breath. "Right." I glanced up again and saw that some others were filling in the table just a few down from our own. "I'll be right back," I said.

"Okay," Gale said.

"Hurry up. We don't have much time," Katniss said.

They were right. I needed to be on time to make sure that Coin had no extra reason to say no to any of my demands. Being on time was very important to the people of District 13. In their own way, they reminded me very much of Effie. Someone that I was shocked to say that I missed. It would have been nice to see her again for just a moment. She had slowly been realizing just how awful everything to do with the Games were. She would have hated it here, but at least she would have been safe.

Slowly I got up from the table, dumping my food, and headed over to the table that had been reserved for the Hadley family and some of the District 2 refugees. There weren't many of them. Only five. They were the people hat the Hadley's had managed to bring with them, knowing how bad things would get in District 2 after the arena was destroyed. Most of the people from District 2 seemed to really hate it in District 13 and, in turn, really seemed to hate me. Not that I could have been surprised.

Taking in a deep breath, I placed myself a little closer to the Hadley's and away from the others. I had noticed that Skye and Julie were recently trying to help me appeal to them a little more. Three of the District 2 refugees immediately sprang up from the table and headed off. I placed myself sadly in between Dean and Alana. Two of the people who genuinely did seem to like me, as I technically was Dean's sister and Alana's daughter.

"Hi," I greeted, somewhat awkwardly.

"Hey. You making your demands?" Dean asked.

"Soon." I turned over my arm to show them. "Seven-thirty I go in to speak with them," I said.

"You ready?" Dean asked.

Snorting under my breath, I shook my head. "Sort of. I don't think that I'll ever really be ready," I admitted.

Being the Mockingjay was something terrifying. I could only hope that it would help. "Well you can make pretty much any demand that you want and they'll have to say yes," Carrie said.

It was reminiscent of what Prim had told me last night. "That's what I'm hoping for," I said.

"What are you asking for?" Skye asked curiously.

"I'm not a thousand percent sure. Immunity for Cato. That's one thing that I know that I'm going to ask for. Him and all of the other Victors," I said.

That was enough to get the entire family and the rest of the District 2 refugees to glance over at me. They were all clearly shocked that one of my demands would be to save the Victors. But that was the most important part. Saving them from the Capitol was one thing. Keeping them safe from trial after the end of the war would be something completely different. At least this would likely keep them from being killed even after the fighting would supposedly be over.

"That's wonderful," Damien said brightly.

It was the happiest that I had seen him probably ever. "My concern was that Cato might get in trouble for what he did. The rebels will definitely kill him if we win," I said, making the rest of the family cringe. "And the Capitol... I don't know what they'll do. So, to keep him safe, I'll have to get him a pardon."

"Will it work?" Alana asked.

"I'm not sure. But it's worth it to try," I said.

Hope... I just had to keep having some hope... "Do you know how to make it work?" Skye asked.

"I've got an idea. We'll see if it works out. It might be hard to get Coin to agree, but I think I can persuade her," I said slowly.

"That's a good idea," Julie said.

The family were all watching me closely, probably trying to gauge my reaction to the whole thing. "I'm also going to ask if Gale, Katniss, and I can go out hunting again," I said. That caught their attention. "Not far. Just a little bit. Just to get up above ground for a little while. It's suffocating under here."

"Sounds relaxing," Carrie admitted.

"It is. I miss the quiet, slow, hunters tread," I said.

"You miss the woods, then?" Julie asked.

"If there's one thing that I miss more than Cato, it's the woods. I really do miss them. A lot," I said. A moment later I spotted some of their gazes. "I mean, I can ask if any of you can come up with me. You don't have to, I just thought that -"

"No," Dean said, cutting me off. "It sounds like fun. Teach us how to hunt, huh?"

"If you want to learn," I said, smiling softly.

"I'd love that," Dean said.

Out of the corner of my eyes I noticed Skye and Julie exchange a look. "Can we come?" Skye asked.

One of my eyebrows quirked upwards. I hadn't thought that anyone in District 2 would even want to learn to hunt. "We never learned back in District 2. They teach you that you'll mostly be able to go with whatever you find at the Cornucopia and Sponsor packages," Julie explained. "It could be fun."

It definitely was fun. They would just have to lean to be patient. "You're more than welcome to come out with me. If I can get them to agree," I added as a last-minute thought.

"Awesome! I've always wanted to learn to use a bow and arrow," Skye said.

"You don't know how?" I asked.

"Vaguely. But they teach us that up-close is much more fun. Knives and swords," Skye explained. "I mean, I could probably hit the target."

"If it was still and standing ten feet away," Julie interrupted.

We all laughed at that one. "Well I suppose I'm a good teacher," I muttered.

"You're probably the best," Dean said.

"Thanks, Dean," I said.

"I don't think anyone's ever seen someone better with them," Damien admitted.

There were only two other people that might have been able to match me. "Well I'm pretty good, but so is Katniss. She would be a good teacher, too. Although I'm a better teacher. I'm stronger and I have better aim, but Katniss is faster. Gale is good, too, but I know that we're better," I explained.

"She might get a chance to be on that special team, too," Alana said.

"Special team?" I asked.

"It's a kind of special combat team that will be heading out to the Capitol once we unite the Districts. I'm not sure how close they're going to get to the action, but they'll be out there," Alana explained.

For a moment I feared for her safety, but she would never give up a chance to fight. "She would love that," I said honestly.

"Aspen?" Aidan called.

My gaze slowly turned over to him. "Yeah, Aidan?" I asked.

"Will you teach me? How to use the bow?" Aidan asked.

"I thought that you were a sword man?" I asked.

Cato had always told me that he liked swords, just like his older brothers. I hadn't thought that he would ever be a bowman. "They don't have swords here in District 13. But they do have some bows, I think. And I want to fight," Aidan explained.

Alana dropped her glass of water. "You're not old enough," she snapped.

Deciding to try and step in before things got too tense, I leaned in between them. "But if you want to come out with me one day, I'd be more than happy to teach you how to hunt. I think that you might like it," I offered.

"Was Cato good?" Aidan asked.

"He walked loudly but he had good aim," I explained, remembering hearing the leaves and twigs crunching underneath his feet. Not enough to disturb a Tribute, but definitely enough to disturb animals. "I could teach you? I think that you might be good at it. You're young enough that you can still learn the slow and soft hunters walk."

The smile that turned up on Aidan's face was one that I had never seen before. "I would love that. Thanks!" Aidan chirped.

Maybe there was a chance that the two of us could be friends one day. "Not a problem." I smiled and glanced up at the clocks. I just had a few more minutes. "I should go. Prepare for whatever I want to say," I muttered.

"Good luck, sweetheart. Let us know how it goes," Alana said, brushing the hair off of my forehead.

"Of course."

But the moment that I stood up, I realized that the two remaining District 2 refugees were watching me closely. Two boys whom I had never spoken to. My feet failed me as I plopped back into the chair. Say something, Aspen. But my words - like my legs - kept failing me. I had never been known to have the best public speaking talents. Nope. That was definitely something that Cato had. He was better at me than almost anything. And judging by the looks the two boys were giving me, they felt the same.

"Hey... I'm Aspen," I finally managed to get out.

Who the hell would they think that you were? Idiot. "We know," one of the boys said.

"There's not a person in here who doesn't know who you are," the second boy said.

"That's true, I suppose," I muttered dumbly. "You're friends of Cato's?"

That was no more intelligent. "Yes. Old friends from the neighborhood and the Academy. I'm Felix," the first boy introduced himself.

"Marcus," the second said.

They looked like just about every other District 2 citizen that I had ever seen before. Most of them seemed to have the whole blonde hair and blue eye thing going on. There were very few who didn't. They almost reminded me of the merchant sector. Felix and Marcus both had blonde hair and blue eyes. It if weren't for the fact that Felix was much paler than Marcus, I would have thought that they were brothers. They were both tall and muscular. Just like Cato. Academy trainees, I assumed.

"It's nice to meet you both. You got out of District 2?" I asked awkwardly.

The last thing that I needed was to make them hate me even more. "We were around when the martial law started. We were some of the few people who believed that the Capitol could change. We started helping Cato train again when the Quarter Quell was announced," Marcus explained.

A bitter smile appeared on my face. I had known that he was training for the Quell. "So you're here for the war?" I asked.

I hadn't thought that anyone from District 2 would want to put an end to the Games. "Yes. We're here because we know that things can be different," Felix said.

That was when it clicked. "You lost someone to the Games. Both of you," I said softly.

Some part of me had thought that I might have offended them. But they didn't seem bothered. "Of course. Almost everyone in District 2 has lost someone to the Games," Felix explained. I nodded blankly. Of course. They all trained together. Everyone would know those who died. "I lost my sister."

My stomach churned in knots. Prim and Katniss had almost known that feeling. "I'm sorry. How long?" I asked quietly.

"Four years ago," Felix said.

That would have been the Seventy-First Hunger Games. My stomach churned in knots again. I knew those Games well. I might have only been sixteen, but I wouldn't soon forget them. That was the year that Johanna Mason had won. She had played weak the entire time, only to come out as a vicious fighter. She had slaughtered the remaining Career Tributes, who had been caught completely off-guard. Felix's sister had been one of them.

"Well... if it makes you feel any better, I'm not overly fond of Johanna either," I said.

To my surprise, it was enough to earn a laugh from Felix. "I respected her strategy. She was a good fighter and clearly very smart. She earned her title. But that doesn't make her easier to stomach," Felix said.

"I have a feeling that a lot of people feel that way about me," I said.

"They do," Marcus said. My jaws set but I nodded anyways. "I lost my cousin. Three years ago."

So the Seventy-Second Hunger Games. The next year. I didn't remember much about them. We had been starving at the time as the Peacekeepers were all in District 12, cutting off our trips into the woods. So we had mostly slept through the Games until it was time for them to end and we would be allowed back into the woods. I remembered that it was in a hot, drought-plagued forest. Just like the Quell, water was scarce. Trees would catch fire from the heat, which threatened to set the entire arena on fire.

Dangerous wild animals prowled through the bushes, and mosquitoes provided infection and disease. Poisonous mutts, like frogs and snakes, were also introduced to endanger lives. Once the competition dwindled down to the final Tributes, the Gamemakers created a deadly hurricane which caused flooding, broken trees and mudslides, including the one which buried all of the remaining Tributes underneath it. I remembered watching the whole thing very uncomfortably, not enjoying the thought of suffocation.

Only the last two Tributes managed to dig themselves out before suffocation set in, and the hurricane ended when a Victor emerged from the resulting fight. If I remembered correctly, it was the girl from District 1. And that was just barely. She had just barely managed to kill the boy from District 5. Marcus's cousin was killed during one of the mudslides. I didn't want to say it, as he likely knew and it would have been cruel to say, but suffocation was a very painful way to go.

"For both of you. I'm genuinely sorry. I can honestly say that I know exactly how it feels to lose someone to the Games," I said softly.

Felix and Marcus nodded. "We know. That's why so many people sided with you in District 2." I raised a brow. People had sided with me in District 2. "Because we all knew exactly how it felt to lose someone. We were some of the few people that never laughed at Cato for falling in love with you," Felix admitted.

"We're here to help. And now that Cato is alive..." Marcus trailed off.

"You're willing to help even more," I filled in the blanks.

"Yes," Marcus confirmed.

Perhaps they were the only others of Cato's friends who might end up liking me. "Well I'm making my demands now. One of them is for Coin to stand up in front of District 13 and announce that Cato and the other Victors will be granted immunity. They're doing what they can to stay alive. There's nothing wrong with that," I said determinedly.

The entire family smiled. Even Felix and Marcus looked vaguely pleased. "He's protecting you, you know," Felix finally said.

"I know. It's what we do," I whispered.

We would always protect each other. "It's a good way to be. More than just love," Felix said.

"Thank you for everything that you've done for him," Marcus said.

The boys must have been either nineteen or twenty but they seemed to have aged years just in front of me. As I looked at them, I scowled slightly. There was nothing good that I had done for Cato. Everything that I had done had ended up hurting him. Falling in love with him had managed to hurt him more than anything else ever would. My voice lumped in my throat as I stared at the two men in front of me. I hadn't done anything good for him. Only provide some good company over the last year.

"The only thing that I've done is land him in the Capitol and get..." I started.

But my voice suddenly died in my throat. Because there was no way that I could say what I had been about to say. Because I was about to say that I had also successfully managed to get Leah killed. But there was no way that I could have said something like that. Not with Cato's family only sitting a few feet from me and listening in on my conversation. That wasn't something that I could do to them. But Alana and Carrie leaned forward, grabbing my hands and smiling weakly at me. They knew what I was thinking.

"You've done so much for him, Aspen. And he would do everything over again to keep you safe," Alana promised.

"I know. I hate that he does that," I muttered.

Alana smiled and ran her thumb over my finger. The finger that had my wedding ring on it. When I first got to Thirteen they tried to take it. Melt it down into a weapon or a bullet or something of the likes. But I fought back against them to keep it. It had taken Gale and Katniss to come into the room and fight back against the doctors to let me keep it. A whole meeting had been called to decide whether or not I would get to keep it. Many profanity-laced minutes later, Katniss had gotten them to let me keep it.

"I've always been proud of my son. From the day that he was born. The day that he went into the Games. I wasn't happy that he went but I was so proud that he was doing something worthwhile. I knew how much he loved the Games. But I was never as proud as I was the moment that I knew he had fallen in love," Alana said.

My head was spinning. It was almost sweet to hear. The day that she had been the proudest of her son was the day that she had known that he had fallen in love. With me, of course. There must have been something, some moment, that had been the only time that she had thought that he had fallen in love. He had mentioned before that he had brought girls around, but they were always gone soon enough. There must have been something different that she had seen in me.

"When was that?" I asked Alana. "If you don't mind me asking."

Alana smiled weakly. "I knew from the moment that I heard about the two of you chatting back and forth in training," Alana said.

Just because the two of us were chatting back and forth? "Did you?" I asked curiously.

"I knew that Cato wasn't fool enough to just speak with anyone. Flirtatiously or not. That was the way that the news channels were saying that you two were talking," Alana explained. I laughed under my breath. It had been sort of flirtatiously. "I knew that if he was speaking to you, you had caught his eye."

"Yeah... He admitted that he liked me even back then," I said.

"But I knew that he was in love with you when you were in the cave and he was helping you recover," Alana continued.

"The fire or the wolf?" I asked.

"The wolf." That surprised me. I hadn't even known my true feelings for him up until we were in the cave after the fire. "That look that he gave you when he saw how bad the injuries were. When the two of you were talking. About your birthday and the other things. But it was when you asked him to stay until the end. He agreed and you told him that he was nothing like you were expecting. That was when I knew that he was in love with you," Alana continued.

My heart was fluttering slightly. "I had a feeling right then, too. That was when I started to fall in love with him," I muttered.

"Am I still not what you expected?" Cato asked.

"Will you stay with me? Until the end?" I asked softly.

Cato looked shocked. "Of course," he muttered.

"Then you're still nothing like I expected you to be," I said softly, placing my hand against his cheek.

That day was as clear as ever. Despite the heavy infection and near-deadly repercussions, I still remembered every bit of it. I remembered looking him straight in the eyes after it. I remembered seeing that my words had triggered something in him. His face had hardened. It was the first time that I realized what he genuinely meant to me. Far more than just the person who was there to entertain me while I was bored during the Games.

"I'm not happy about what happened to my son, but I will always be happy that he found someone who genuinely loves him," Alana said, smiling at me.

"I'm going to get him back and I'll make sure that nothing happens to him," I promised.

"We thank you for that, Aspen," Damien said.

"It's my pleasure. Honestly," I said.

There was nothing that would have made me happier. "Can you get us into weapons training?" Felix asked suddenly, motioning between himself and Marcus.

"Excuse me?" I asked dumbly.

"We want to fight. Everyone here wants to fight. The Capitol has gotten away with so much. It took you, Aspen... It took you to show us how horrible these Games are," Felix said. I smiled weakly. At least I had shown people what a nightmare the Games really were. "Now we're ready to fight. We just need to convince Thirteen that we are."

"I'll put it on the list," I said, smiling softly.

"Thank you," Marcus said.

"Of course. I'll see you all in a little while," I said.

They would have to be the first people that I would speak to once everything was done with. They needed to know what was happening. They needed to know that I was going to save Cato. As I got up from my seat, I quickly said goodbye to everyone. Skye and Julie both gave me hugs, making me promise that I would try as hard as I could to get them into the fighting. And I had promised Dean and Aidan that I would do everything possible to get them to come hunting with me.

Felix and Marcus had given me quick hugs so that I could promise them that I would do everything possible to get them into weapons training. Damien had given me a hug and Alana a kiss on the cheek as I promised them that I would not leave until Cato was given immunity. Marley chirped a happy goodbye as I finally departed from the table, heading back over to my own. Katniss and Gale had been watching me closely the entire time.

"They okay?" Gale asked as I dropped back down into my seat.

"They're going to be fine," I said.

"Did you tell them?" Katniss asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Tell them what?" Gale asked.

The entire time I had been so determined to not say anything about what I was planning to Gale. Mostly because I didn't know how he would react. Because I knew, no matter what, he didn't really want Cato to be allowed out scot-free. But I didn't care. I had to save him. Should I at least have given him a heads up? Before I could decide whether or not to tell him, a bell signaled the end of our eating shift. The thought of facing Coin - and likely Plutarch - alone made me nervous.

"What are you two scheduled for?" I asked.

Gale checked his arm. "Nuclear History class."

Katniss checked her own. "Me, too."

"Where, by the way, your absence has been noted," Gale continued.

Despite the fact that we were over fourteen - which was when everyone finished schooling and started training for battle - we were newcomers to Thirteen. And that meant that we were being acclimated with some of the younger children. That meant classes. And right now classes with paper and pencil were the only ones that I could handle. My body's state of weakness after the Games and 'miscarriage' were keeping me out of any type of weapons or combat training.

Not that I had ever been ready enough to start working at any weapons. Until very recently I hadn't even wanted to get out of bed. I had supposedly been in classes since a week after first arriving in District 13, but I had refused to go. And for a long time they hadn't pushed me. They had left me alone. But recently I was supposed to be back in classes and getting prepared for the fight. But I had kept ignoring the schedule and refused to go to classes. They apparently weren't very happy with me.

"I have to go to Command. Come with me?" I asked.

"Both of us?" Katniss asked.

I rolled my eyes. "No. Buttercup." Katniss gave me a sharp glare. "Yes, both of you, idiot," I snapped.

"That was uncalled for," Katniss said.

"Come on," I barked.

"All right. But they might throw me out after yesterday," Gale said.

"Don't worry about it. I've got a way to keep you in there," I said.

My leverage as Mockingjay would likely go a long way with getting what I wanted. As we went to drop off our trays, Gale said, "You know, you better put Buttercup on your list of demands, too. I don't think the concept of useless pets is well known here."

"Oh, they'll find him a job. Tattoo it on his paw every morning," I said.

"Hopefully they cook him in the oatmeal next," Katniss growled.

"Oh, come on. Prim loves him," I argued.

"Prim loves everything," Katniss said.

"I'm putting him on the list, Cat," I barked.

In all honesty, I really didn't want to keep Buttercup. He had been a little nicer to me lately. I had a feeling that he felt bad for everything that had happened to me. He must have known. It was the only thing that I could think. But that didn't mean that I liked him. He was still ugly and a jerk. But... like I had said, Prim loved him. She had likely already lost Lady. I couldn't make her lose Buttercup, too. So I made a mental note to include him for Prim's sake.

By the time we got to Command, Coin, Plutarch, and all of their people had already assembled. I was right about Plutarch being there. I was immediately sickened. Someone must have let them know that I wanted to speak today. They were all staring at me in a way that they hadn't in a long time. Maybe I just looked different today. It didn't matter. They were going to agree to what I wanted or else this war would be over before it really got a chance to get started.

The sight of Gale and Katniss raised some eyebrows, but no one threw them out. I had a feeling that it was because they were trying to tiptoe around my feelings. They just wanted to make sure that I was going to manage myself here and not go back on whatever I was about to do. My mental notes had become too jumbled, from everything and everyone's promises, so I asked for a piece of paper and a pencil right off. More than I had ever asked before. More than I had spoken before my first meeting with Coin.

My apparent interest in the proceedings - the first that I had shown since I had been here - took them by surprise. Several looks were exchanged. Probably they had some extra-special lecture planned for me. Just as they usually were. Sometimes tense and serious, other times they were a little lighter and tried to play at my heartstrings. But instead, Coin personally handed me the supplies, and everyone waited in a tense silence while I sat at the table and scrawled out my list.

Buttercup. Hunting. Cato's immunity. Announced in public. This was it. Probably my only chance to bargain. It would definitely be my only time to bargain. I would have to spit out everything that I wanted now. Think. What else do you want? I felt him, standing at my shoulder. Gale, I added to the list. Katniss, a moment later. I didn't think that I could do it without them. Then I added Felix and Marcus for training. Skye, Julie, and Dean to be allowed to leave and go hunting with me.

There had to be something else that I was missing. I started to wrack through my brain and memories to think of what I wanted. No more Games? Duh. That much was obvious if we won. Blow the Capitol to smithereens? No. There were some good and clueless people there. That wasn't fair to them. Give the Districts more food and freedom? Another obvious one. The headache started to come on and my thoughts began to tangle. I shut my eyes and started to recite my list silently.

My name is Aspen Antaeus. I am twenty years old. My home is District 12. President Snow ordered my home to be destroyed after I did something very stupid. I was in the Hunger Games. Twice. I escaped. The Capitol hates me. Cato was taken prisoner. He is alive. He is a traitor but alive. I have to keep him alive... It is and always will be my dream.

My breathing slowed and the pounding dialed back. I stared back down at the list. It still seemed too small. I should have tried to think bigger, beyond our current situation where I was of the utmost importance, to the future where I might have been worth nothing. Shouldn't I have been asking for more? For my family? For the remainder of my people? They were already safe. Those who were here would already be safe. They would rebuild District 12 after the war. No need for me to write that.

So, what? What else did I want so badly? What else could I ask for? My skin itched with the ashes of the dead. All of those people whom I had lost over the years. I felt the sickening impact of the skull against my shoe. The feeling of my heart breaking at the sight of all of those people. Dead and burned and suffocated. Desperately trying to escape. Peeta's dead family. The scent of blood and roses stung my nose. The pencil moved across the page on its own. I opened my eyes and saw the wobbly letters.

I KILL SNOW.

Was it genuinely something that they could give me? I wasn't sure. It definitely wouldn't have been an easy request. If there was any request that I could have made that was even more severe than the one about letting Cato go unharmed, it was this one. No one could see my paper. If they had, I was sure that an argument would have already been set off. But I didn't care. For Mom, Dad, Rue, Peeta, Thresh, Finch, the Mellark's, Mr. Everdeen, Cinna, Mags, Wiress... If he was captured, I wanted the privilege.

Plutarch gave a discreet cough. "About done there?"

His voice startled me. I had been so busy thinking about all of the dead people from President Snow that I had almost forgotten that I was supposed to be requesting something. I let out a deep breath and nodded. I was done. Those were the only things that I could think that I wanted to do. I glanced up and noticed the clock. I had been sitting here, in silence, for almost twenty minutes. Finnick wasn't the only one with attention problems.

"Yeah," I said. My voice sounded hoarse, so I cleared my throat. "Nothing else today. There's only one thing that I need from you today."

"And that is?" Plutarch asked.

"This is not your meeting," Coin interrupted quickly.

"Well I'm commandeering it. I need to speak with you," I said darkly.

"Let the girl speak," Plutarch said.

Clearly he sensed where this was going. I nodded gratefully and looked around the room. Everyone was watching me with interest. It was the first and only time that I had been even moderately interested in what was going on. Slowly and with deliberate movements, I managed to get to my feet and stand at the head of the table. Directly across from Coin and Plutarch. I tried to muster up the most serious face that I could.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. Yeah, so this is the deal. I'll be your Mockingjay," I said.

That delivered the exact response that I was expecting. I paused so that I could wait for them to make their sounds of relief, congratulate, and slap one another on the back. That was exactly what they were doing. I noticed that Brutus and Seneca were grinning at each other. Seneca looked very proud of me. Brutus was giving me the good old 'I-told-you-so' look. Coin stayed as impassive as ever, watching me, unimpressed with my announcement.

"But I have some conditions." Now everyone looked very curious. Seneca was grinning. Brutus rolled his eyes. I smoothed out the list and began. "My family gets to keep our cat," I said determinedly.

For a moment there was silence. No one quite understood what I was saying. Most people didn't even know that we had a cat hiding out in our room. I realized too late that I probably shouldn't have just been quiet and waited for the war to be over. That was stupid of me. But I figured that maybe they would just get over it. I didn't think that it would be that big of a deal, being my easiest request. It turned out that they didn't. Brutus's barking laughter was enough to bring everyone back to their senses.

My tiniest request set off an argument. The Capitol rebels saw it as a nonissue - of course, I could keep my pet – while those from Thirteen spelled out what extreme difficulties that presented. Finally it was worked out that we would be moved to the top level, which had the luxury of an eight-inch window above ground. Buttercup may come and go to do his business. He was expected to feed himself. If he missed curfew, he would be locked out. If he caused any security problems, he would be shot immediately.

That sounded okay to me. It wasn't the best deal that we could have been given, but at least they weren't going to demand that he be killed or that he be brought back to District 12. Prim would be happy enough. Besides, it wasn't so different from how he had been living since we had left District 12. Except for the shooting part. That would be the real danger. If he looked too thin, I could slip him a few entrails, provided my next request was allowed.

"I want to hunt. With Gale. And Katniss. Out in the woods," I said.

My words were much less confident that time around. I was stumbling over myself as I tried to speak. Nothing sounded very good. I sounded very tense about the entire thing. Probably because I was. For whatever reason, that request was one of the ones that made me more nervous. And it was for no reason. I really couldn't have argued if they were going to say no. It wasn't a life or death situation. But my second request gave everyone pause.

"We won't go far. We'll use our own bows. You can have the meat for the kitchen," Gale added.

They looked like they were thinking about it. I hurried on before they could say no. "It's just... I can't breathe shut up here like a... I would get better, faster, if... I could hunt," I explained dumbly.

Why was it that they wanted me as the Mockingjay? I couldn't speak well in public. I could barely speak well in private. If they wanted me to rally the Districts, it had better be from actions. There was no way that I could do something like giving speeches. I would have to be out there fighting. This would be a good way to brush up on my shooting skills. Plutarch began to explain the drawbacks to my request - the dangers, the extra security, the risk of injury - but Coin cut him off.

"No. Let them. Give them two hours a day, deducted from their training time. A quarter-mile radius. With communication units and tracker anklets. What's next?" Coin asked.

For a moment I was flabbergasted. I hadn't thought that she would be on my side. If nothing, I had really been expecting her to think that it wouldn't be a good idea. And it likely wouldn't. The Capitol would bomb the three of us into smithereens within seconds if they spotted us out in the woods. Maybe they didn't come out here. Thirteen was likely monitoring the sky for Capitol hovercrafts and they would be keeping an eye on us. Good enough for me. I skimmed my list again.

"I want Dean, Julie, and Skye to be able to come out, too. They want to learn and I want the three of them to come out there with me," I continued.

"Only two at a time," Coin said.

"What?" I asked.

"Only two people out with you at a time," Coin clarified.

There wasn't much more than I could ask for than that. At least they were letting us out. "Alright," I conceded.

"What else?" Plutarch asked.

Scanning down my list again, I found what else I wanted. "Allow Felix and Marcus to start weapons training. They want to fight. They're of age. It's time to trust them," I said.

"They can start with one hour a day. Next," Coin said.

Obviously she knew that something bigger was coming. These were small and relatively simple requests. "Gale. I'll need him with me to do this," I said.

"With you how? Off camera? By your side at all times? Do you want him presented as your new lover?" Coin asked.

There was no laughter in the room. Everyone was staring in between the two of us. None of them could say anything. There was nothing to say. No one, except for me. Gale managed to keep a steady look on his face. But my gaze wasn't on him. It was on Coin. She hadn't said that with any particular malice - quite the contrary, her words were very matter-of-fact. But my mouth still dropped open in shock. I couldn't believe that she had said that. That someone else had noticed our bond just by watching.

"Excuse you?" I hissed.

But there wasn't that much malice in my words. Because I was still floored from her words. "I think we should continue the current romance. A quick defection from Cato could cause the audience to lose sympathy for her. Especially since they think she's pregnant with his child," Plutarch said.

They were so determined that the whole thing really had been for the cameras. I was still wordless. "Agreed. So, on-screen, Gale can simply be portrayed as a fellow rebel. Is that all right?" Coin asked. I just stared at her. She repeated herself impatiently. "For Gale. Will that be sufficient?"

"We can always work him in as your cousin," Fulvia said.

"We're not cousins," Gale and I said together.

"Right, but we should probably keep that up for appearances' sake on camera. Off camera, he's all yours. Anything else?" Plutarch asked.

But I couldn't believe them. As per usual, my anger was going to get the better of me. "How dare you. All of you," I growled, momentarily forgetting about the task at hand.

"Pardon?" Coin asked.

My jaws were set together angrily. I couldn't believe that they had said something like that. I couldn't believe that people thought so lowly of me. To think that my husband, who I was so obviously so desperately in love with, would just be forgotten to Gale within moments? Absolutely not. I adored Gale, that much was true, but I wouldn't have just forgotten about Cato. Not now and likely not ever. They really must not have understood love. Or maybe they thought that they understood it too well.

"To think so easily that I would just cast Cato off? Gale is my best friend and has been my hunting partner for years. You honestly think that I would sell Cato out like that?" I asked nastily.

"I don't think that I really care what yours and Cato's relationship is. You're free to do whatever you would like behind closed doors," Coin said, not particularly unkindly.

But that didn't stop her words from bothering me. "It's nice to know how highly you think of the Mockingjay," I growled.

"I seem to recall that you saying that no one decent ever wins the Games," Coin said, still not unkindly.

My hands were shaking as a thin line of sweat broke out on my forehead. "Continue, Aspen. Please. This conversation is one to be had in private, between those involved. We are not involved," Seneca said, obviously sensing my discomfort.

Sending him a quick and grateful nod, I tried to focus back on the task at hand. But it wasn't easy. In fact, I was rattled by the turn in the conversation. The implications that I could so readily dispose of Cato, that I was in love with Gale, that the whole thing had been an act. My cheeks began to burn. The very notion that I was devoting any thought to who I wanted presented as my lover, given our current circumstances, was demeaning. How could they even be thinking about something like that?

Who even cared about who my lover was right now? The only thing that mattered was that I was planning on becoming the Mockingjay. I was going to be the Mockingjay and work at ending the war. And, in the meantime, in my private time, I could think about Cato. He hadn't been wiped out of my mind. Far from it. From the moment that I had met him, he had always been on my mind, one way or another. Gale, too. But there was something so much bigger than the three of us and our romance right now.

So I let my anger propel me into my greatest demand. "When the war is over, if we've won, Cato will be pardoned," I demanded.

Now that time there was no argument. In fact, there was only dead silence. Katniss, Brutus, and Seneca were smirking. Obviously they were all going to tell me that it was the right thing to do. But they didn't speak. Not yet. I had to let everyone process it first. On my other side, I felt Gale's body tense. I guessed that I really should have told him before, but I wasn't sure how he would respond. Not when it involved Cato. I had a bad feeling that our tense friendship was about to make its return.

"No form of punishment will be inflicted," I continued suddenly. A new thought occurred to me. "The same goes for the other captured Tributes, Johanna and Enobaria."

My voice faltered slightly when I said Enobaria's name. It was a bad idea. It made my argument a tiny bit weaker. Because everyone knew that Enobaria and I had some bad blood between us. Frankly, I really didn't care about Enobaria, the vicious District 2 Tribute. In fact, I disliked her, hated her even, but it seemed wrong to leave her out. Plus there was the issue that she was Brutus's friend - who had helped me - and she had originally helped Cato in the first Games. It was only fair.

"Annie, too," I added suddenly, a little softer that time.

"No," Coin said flatly.

"Enobaria tried to kill you," Plutarch said.

And I'm better than her. But I didn't dare say that out loud. "Doesn't mean I'll let someone kill her. They all get immunity," I said sharply.

"No," Coin repeated.

"Yes," I shot back. "It's not their fault you abandoned them in the arena. Who knows what the Capitol's doing to them? They're doing and saying whatever they can to survive."

"Individuals don't make demands in Thirteen. They'll be tried with other war criminals and treated as the tribunal sees fit. Thank you," Coin said.

"They'll be granted immunity!" I felt myself taking a step forward, wanting to slam Coin's head against the table, my voice full and resonant. "You will personally pledge this in front of the entire population of District Thirteen and the remainder of Twelve. Soon. Today. It will be recorded for future generations. You will hold yourself and your government responsible for their safety, or you'll find yourself another Mockingjay!"

My words were so loud that no one even dared to move. They hadn't heard me like this before. Not in person. The only time that they might have heard anything like that was on camera. I noticed that Seneca and Brutus were giving me slow nods. Plutarch gave me the same look that he had during my private training session. The others were staring blankly, looking in between being impressed and unnerved. My words hung in the air for a long moment. I sensed that no one was going to speak, so I continued.

"And you can't afford that. Because if you could have found another Mockingjay you would have done so by now. Obviously you need me. No immunity for the Victors, no Mockingjay," I said brashly, quieter, but with a deadly bite to my words.

"That's her!" I heard Fulvia hiss to Plutarch.

Plutarch turned to look at Coin. "Isn't that who I promised you?" Plutarch asked her, pointing to me.

"Right there. With the costume, gunfire in the background, just a hint of smoke," Fulvia continued.

"Yes, that's what we want," Plutarch said under his breath.

They were all chattering away so that they could talk about me but they weren't even considering that I was standing right here. It was something that had become very familiar to me. They were talking about me making stupid videos. Not being a real fighter. The one thing I might have been good at. I wanted to glare at them, but I felt that it would be a mistake to turn my attention from Coin. I could see her tallying the cost of my ultimatum, weighing it against my possible worth.

"What do you say, President? You could issue an official pardon, given the circumstances. The boy..." Plutarch trailed off.

"He's of age. They both are," Coin said sharply.

We were. That was the problem. We were adults, responsible for our own actions. That was the problem. If it had been Katniss, or someone of the likes, they would have been able to get out of it. Because she was just a kid. She could have been given a way out of it. But I was an adult. So was Cato. That was the big problem. What were we supposed to do? We couldn't play the clueless little kids right now. Not the way that we had done after the knives in the first Games.

"Honestly? Who cares?" Seneca asked, stepping forward. "They're barely of age. Just two years. Hardly that. You know that you can play it many ways. Cato Hadley is attempting to protect his wife in any way that he can. Easy enough. He's trying to protect her and their unborn baby. Aspen lost her parents before she can even remember them. They're under stress and sickly. From the Games. From their own minds. Cato's sister is dead. It's easy enough to play it off."

I gave him a grateful nod. He really was on my side here. "And the people do love him. If there's anyone who can sway District 2 to join the fight, it's him. Or Aspen, if we can eventually get out a message," Plutarch said.

The room was silent for a long time as everyone tried to process what I was saying. I wanted Cato to be free of any punishment. I knew that it wasn't the real problem here. The real problem was that I was essentially threatening and forcing Coin's hand. I had been around President Snow long enough to understand that it was a problem. Coin didn't want to have to bend to any demands. But it didn't matter. She was going to bend to mine. It was important. And she needed me to be the Mockingjay.

This whole thing must have been annoying for her. Having a barely twenty-year-old girl sitting and demanding that she let her husband off the hook for nearly sabotaging the war efforts. But I knew that he didn't mean that. He was only saying what he was saying to keep himself alive. And to keep me alive. Playing me off as the deranged and nervous pregnant girl. Easy enough. Now I just needed her to agree. It took a while, but everyone eventually started nodding their consent. It left only Coin to say yes.

She was glaring at me and I was glaring back at her. "All right," Coin finally said. "But you'd better perform."

"I'll perform when you've made the announcement," I countered.

The two of us were glaring at each other again. Obviously neither one of us liked or trusted the other one very much. But we weren't fools, no matter what anyone else thought. We both knew the truth. Neither one of us could get what we wanted without the other. So we would have to play friends. I would have to be the Mockingjay to end her war. She would have to allow Cato and the others to walk free to get me to be the Mockingjay.

"We need to move and quickly. Things have become stressed since the interview was released," Seneca said, trying to distract from the tense air around the table.

"Madam President, we're losing ground because the people are losing heart. This is worth the risk. She's worth the risk. Pardons, tribunals, power of the people, it can all be the bedrock of the new Panem. But in wartime I think even the noblest of causes can be bent a little bit. Right?" Plutarch asked.

It turned out that Plutarch was right about one thing. We had to start working together to make our new Panem. We couldn't just fall back on the way that we once were. The way that we were right now. We had to start getting along with each other. We had to have some leniency with each other. With people trying to save the ones that we loved. He was right that we had to bend this cause. To get everyone to work together. It would help to have Cato here.

"Call a national security assembly during Reflection today. I'll make the announcement then," Coin finally ordered. I had to push back a grin. "Is there anything left on your list, Aspen?"

Yes. And it's the one thing that I know for a fact that you aren't going to give me. Obviously this was one thing that she wasn't going to give me. But I couldn't just not try. I wanted to be the one person who was going to get to slaughter Snow. I had to at least try. So I let out a deep breath and came to stand a few inches closer to Coin. They were all watching me curiously. My paper was crumpled into a ball in my right fist. I flattened the sheet against the table and read the rickety letters.

"Just one more thing. I kill Snow," I said.

My voice was hard and devoid of emotion as I remembered every conversation that I had been in with the President. The dance before the first Games, at my home in Victor's Village, during the Victory Tour, and at my wedding. Each of those moments, Snow had threatened me. None of them had been particularly nice moments. We had never had a nice conversation. But I had promised him that he wouldn't like the game that I played. And I was right. For the first time ever, I saw the hint of a smile on Coin's lips.

"Right now there are Peacekeepers surrounding you." I began to look around but Snow only laughed. "Don't bother looking for them. You won't see them. They've all had their guns on you. This entire night. Fingers on the trigger. They were waiting on my command to shoot. I haven't decided if I'll give the signal or not. That all depends on you."

"On me?" I asked.

"Yes. If you're willing to play by the rules. Are you?" Snow asked.

Was I willing to play by the rules? Had I ever really been willing to play by the rules? That hadn't been in my nature before. But people could change. So was I willing to play by the rules?

Yes. But this time we're playing by my rules.

"When the time comes, I'll flip you for it," Coin said.

Now it was my turn to smile. The corners of my lips turned upwards. I still didn't love Coin. I doubted that I would ever love her or even get along with her. But right now I felt that I might understand her. She might have had as much of a claim on Snow's life as I did. Maybe even more. And maybe, to be fair, she was right. I certainly didn't have the sole claim against Snow's life. There were a number of people who had a claim on his life. And I was reasonably sure that I could count on her getting the job done.

"Fair enough," I finally said.

As much as I would have loved to be the one to plunge a knife through his stomach or put an arrow through his eyes, I knew that I might have to get over it and just play the role that I was assigned. To be the Mockingjay. To get the chance to fight and end the Hunger Games and the Capitol's reign once and for all should have been good enough for me. In some ways it was. Coin's eyes had flickered to her arm, the clock that she was wearing. She, too, had a schedule to adhere to. Busier than anyone else's.

"I'll leave her in your hands, then, Plutarch," Coin said.

For a while she looked back to stare at me. I gave her a long look. Neither one of us trusted the other, but we were going to have to learn to work together. We gave each other a short nod. She exited the room, followed by her team, and I finally let out a deep breath that I had been holding. I had thought that she would say no to at least one of my requests but she had said yes to them all. Now came making the Mockingjay work. Now we were left with only Plutarch, Fulvia, Katniss, Gale, and myself.

"Excellent. Excellent," Plutarch said, sinking down in the chair, elbows on the table, rubbing his eyes. "You know what I miss? More than anything? Coffee."

"Well you can get it once we win," I grumbled.

"I hear that you like coffee, too," Plutarch said.

"Yeah. I do," I muttered.

The gazes that I got from Katniss and Gale reminded me that they didn't know much about the way that I was in the Capitol. They sometimes forgot that I had gotten used to life there. Being rich. It had always fascinated them but they hadn't wanted to think about it. They rarely drank the coffee. It was too bitter for them. They both liked tea. But I liked the taste. And Cato, only Cato, knew that I took it without any of the fancy Capitol fixings; sugar, cream, or any flavor. Just black.

"I ask you, would it be so unthinkable to have something to wash down the gruel and turnips?" Plutarch grumbled.

Gale and Katniss exchanged a repulsed look. "To be fair, the turnips and rest of the food is pretty gross," I mumbled.

"It's better than starving," Gale snarled.

"Remember, they're from the Capitol. They're not used to eating like this. Hardly any food and the food that you do have is just for keeping you alive. Not tasting good," I said.

"Are you defending them?" Gale asked.

"To be fair, they got me out of the arena alive," I said.

"We didn't think it would be quite so rigid here," Fulvia explained - speaking before Gale could continue barking about the Capitol rebels - to us as she massages Plutarch's shoulders. "Not in the higher ranks."

Suddenly even I felt the need to defend District 13. "They barely have anything. They can't use the land. They can only use what they have underground. Everything that they can grow underground, which isn't much. This isn't the Capitol. This place is even nicer than District 12 was," I said.

"That's pathetic," Fulvia said.

"That's what happens when you're not from the Capitol," I said.

It was just like the way that Coin would speak to me. It wasn't particularly unkind. It was just the way that she was speaking. It was just the way that she was raised. The way that we all spoke to each other; a little guarded, sometimes tense, and never completely trusting. It was what had come from being separated for all of these years by the Capitol. It was hard for us to be together like this all at once, trying to fight on the same side. The Hunger Games had done that much to us.

"Or at least there'd be the option of a little side action. I mean, even Twelve had a black market, right?" Plutarch asked, distracting me from my thoughts.

"Yeah, the Hob. It's where we traded," Gale explained.

"There, you see?" Plutarch said. "And look how moral you three are! Virtually incorruptible." Plutarch sighed as Katniss, Gale, and I exchanged another look. Moral? Incorruptible? My how very far from the truth that was. "Oh, well, wars don't last forever. So, glad to have you on the team."

Obviously that comment was directed at me. Gale and Katniss had already been on the team. They were just some of the few people who they had all been trying to get join me. But I had pretty much been refusing up until right now. I watched as Plutarch reached a hand out to the side, where Fulvia was already extending a large sketchbook bound in black leather. I raised a brow. I had a feeling that I had seen it before. It looked vaguely familiar.

"You know in general what we're asking of you, Aspen. I'm aware you have mixed feelings about participating. I hope this will help," Plutarch said.

A moment later Plutarch slid the sketchbook across to me. Now I was sure that I had seen it before. Was it something that Snow had sent for me? Something that could kill me? It's just a notebook, damn it. Don't be such a baby. Maybe I was a little more on edge than I had thought that I was. For a moment, I looked at it suspiciously. Plutarch and Fulvia were waiting patiently. I almost refused to look. Then curiosity got the better of me. Plus Katniss and Gale didn't look too concerned about it.

So I opened the cover to find a picture of myself, standing straight and strong, in a black uniform. My hand shot over my mouth. I was now glad that I had opened the notebook. Only one person could have designed the outfit, at first glance utterly utilitarian, at second a work of art. The swoop of the helmet, the curve to the breastplate, the slight fullness of the sleeves that allowed the white folds under the arms to show. In his hands, I was again a Mockingjay.

"Cinna," I whispered.

"Yes. He made me promise not to show you this book until you'd decided to be the Mockingjay on your own. Believe me, I was very tempted. Go on. Flip through," Plutarch said.

Of course not. Cinna had always wanted me to do whatever I wanted to do. Never what anyone else was telling me to do. My hand still over my mouth, I turned the pages slowly, seeing each detail of the uniform. The carefully tailored layers of body armor, the hidden weapons in the boots and belt, and the special reinforcements over my heart. On the final page, under a sketch of my Mockingjay pin, Cinna had written, I'm still betting on you.

"Now I'm not allowed to bet. But if I could, I'd bet on you."

"Remember, I'm still betting on you, Girl on Fire."

"He... He was always betting on me..." I said, my voice cracking and eyes watering.

"He believed in you," Gale said, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"When did he..." I trailed off. My voice failed me.

"Let's see. Well, after the Quarter Quell announcement. A few weeks before the Games maybe? There are not only the sketches. We have your uniforms. Oh, and Beetee's got something really special waiting for you down in the armory. I won't spoil it by hinting," Plutarch said.

"You're going to be the best-dressed rebel in history," Gale said with a smile.

"You'll look only slightly less pretentious," Katniss teased.

They were both smiling, but I couldn't force myself to put a smile on my face. Because for now I was remembering seeing Cinna, beaten and bloody and eventually dead, on that screen yesterday. He had died for something that he believed it. For someone that he believed in. Me. Suddenly, I realized that Gale and Katniss had been holding out on me. Like Cinna, in the end, they had wanted me to make this decision all by myself with no one's help.

"You knew. Both of you," I said, halfway accusatory.

"Of course we did," Gale said.

"But it was your choice. The entire time," Katniss said.

"You made the right one," Gale said.

For the first time, I felt that I might have honestly actually made the right choice. "Our plan is to launch an Airtime Assault. To make a series of what we call propos - which is short for 'propaganda spots' - featuring you, and broadcast them to the entire population of Panem," Plutarch explained fully.

"How? The Capitol has sole control of the broadcasts," Gale said.

"But we have Beetee. About ten years ago, he essentially redesigned the underground network that transmits all the programming. He thinks there's a reasonable chance it can be done. Of course, we'll need something to air. So, Aspen, the studio awaits your pleasure." Plutarch turned to his assistant. "Fulvia?"

"Plutarch and I have been talking about how on earth we can pull this off. We think that it might be best to build you, our rebel leader, from the outside... in. That is to say, let's find the most stunning Mockingjay look possible, and then work your personality up to deserving it!" Fulvia said brightly.

"Thanks," I muttered.

Just one more person telling me how completely not charming I was. Not that I didn't know that. I had known that the entire time. I had always known that I wasn't a very friendly person. Gale and Katniss had told me that enough times. And they weren't very friendly either. At least this time it wasn't about playing to a public eye. This time it was about playing a ruthless rebellion leader. At least I would get to play myself a little more than I usually did. But that didn't mean that I wouldn't be done up.

"You already have her uniform," Gale said.

"Yes, but is she scarred and bloody? Is she glowing with the fire of rebellion? Just how grimy can we make her without disgusting people? At any rate, she has to be something. I mean, obviously this," Fulvia moved in on me quickly, framing my face with her hands, "won't cut it."

Just like the rest of the Capitol people. They never really thought about everything that they wanted to say. They said what they meant and didn't bother thinking about what it meant to the person that they were speaking to. There was no hurt in me though. Maybe a little annoyance, as always, but I was so used to dealing with the Prep Team by now. I jerked my head back reflexively from her grasp but she was already busy gathering her things.

"Oh, thank you," I growled.

"So, with that in mind, we have another little surprise for you. Come, come," Fulvia said.

For a moment my feet were frozen. Fulvia did remind me very much of Effie in her own, strange, way. But Fulvia clearly didn't like me nearly as much as Effie did. And that was saying something, considering that Effie didn't always like me anyways. But I did miss her. I sincerely hoped that nothing terrible had happened to her since the end of the Quell. Fulvia gave us a wave, and Gale, Katniss, and I followed her and Plutarch out into the hall.

"So well intended, and yet so insulting," Gale whispered in my ear.

"Welcome to the Capitol," I whispered back.

"Do they always say things like that?" Katniss asked.

"Always," I said.

There was no way that they would ever change. Maybe if we decimated the Capitol and left it to be rebuilt, like District 12, but I didn't want anyone to experience what I had during my visit to my home. Besides, it really didn't matter. Because Fulvia's words had no effect on me. Instead I wrapped my arms tightly around the sketchbook and allowed myself to feel hopeful. Becoming the Mockingjay must have been the right decision. If Cinna had wanted it.

As we walked down the halls, I spotted the Hadley's walking towards what was sure to be their next assignment. "Oh," Alana started, spotting me, "Aspen -"

"We're busy! She can chat a little later," Plutarch called back.

"It worked!" I shouted, motioning for them to follow me for as long as they could. "I made the deal. Coin is going to announce during Reflection today that all of the Victors will be immune to trial. Dean, Skye, and Julie, you three are going to be able to come hunting with me. And Felix and Marcus, you're going to be allowed to start training!"

Plutarch was pulling on my shoulder. "Come on, now," he said.

"Well done, Aspen!" Carrie called.

"Good job," Damien said happily.

"We'll talk later," I said.

It was a good deal. I had managed to save their son, brother, and friend. At least, I had tried my absolute hardest, short of getting into the Capitol to get him back. That much would come later, once we could actually infiltrate the Capitol. Despite the fact that I was trying to speak to the Hadley's, everyone in my own little party grabbed my shoulders and arms and started pulling me with them. We would have to talk later. In the meantime we boarded an elevator, and Plutarch checked his notes.

"Let's see. It's Compartment Three-Nine-Oh-Eight," he said.

Those must have been in some of the higher-leveled hallways. I knew that there was no way that we were going somewhere that everyone else could go. Lots of District 13 was actually cut off from all of the lower-level civilians. Which were most of them. Only Coin's most-trusted held levels of power. I watched out of the corner of my eyes as Plutarch pressed a button marked thirty-nine, but nothing happened. For a moment I wondered if Plutarch had known Coin for a long time.

"You must have to key it," Fulvia said.

Plutarch pulled a key attached to a thin chain from under his shirt and inserted it into a slot that I hadn't noticed before. So Coin definitely trusted him. Maybe there was a chance that one day I could trust her, too. But I wasn't much for trusting anyone. Not these days, not before the Games, and likely not ever. I wasn't sure that I could trust someone who had watched the Games happen for seventy-five years and done nothing. The doors suddenly slid shut.

"Ah, there we are," Plutarch said.

We were in the same one that I had been in when Boggs had first brought me from the hospital to meet with Coin. The elevator descended ten, twenty, thirty-plus levels, farther down than I even knew District 13 went. It made me a little sick to think about how far underground we were. It opened on a wide white corridor lined with red doors, which looked almost decorative compared to the gray ones on the upper floors. Each was plainly marked with a number. 3901, 3902, 3903...

Now I was desperate to know where we were going. I had been kept out of the loop for long enough. As we stepped out, I glanced behind me to watch the elevator close and saw a metallic grate slide into place over the regular doors. When I turned, a guard had materialized from one of the rooms at the far end of the corridor. High security here. Something was being kept under lock and key. A door swung silently shut behind him as he strode toward us, looking tense and irritable.

Plutarch moved to meet him, raising a hand in greeting, and the rest of us followed behind him. Something felt very wrong down here. It was more than the reinforced elevator, or the claustrophobia of being so far underground, or the caustic smell of antiseptic. Maybe it was because this place reminded me of the Stockyard and Catacombs. One look at Gale and Katniss's face and I could tell that they sensed it as well. Obviously something was wrong, because they didn't know what those places looked like.

"Where are we going?" I asked suspiciously.

"To meet an old friend," Plutarch said plainly.

"The only friends that I have are right here," I said.

Of course there was also Finnick, who was in the hospital, and the Hadley's and my own family, who were towards the upper levels of Thirteen. "Don't bet on that," Plutarch said.

"Trust me, I learned a long time ago to not make bets," I muttered.

A small grin formed on their faces. "Good morning, we were just looking for -" Plutarch began.

"You have the wrong floor," the guard said abruptly.

"Really?" Plutarch double-checked his notes, looking very confused. "I've got Three-Nine-Oh-Eight written right here. I wonder if you could just give a call up to -"

"I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave now. Assignment discrepancies can be addressed at the Head Office," the guard said.

His voice alerted me to something else. It was tense and warning. It meant that something was here that he really didn't want us to see. That meant that there was a big problem. The door that Plutarch was talking about was right ahead of us. Compartment 3908. Just a few steps away. The door - in fact, all the doors - seemed incomplete. No knobs. They must have swung free on hinges like the one the guard appeared through. Or the sliding ones in the Capitol.

"Where is that again?" Fulvia asked.

"You'll find the Head Office on Level Seven," the guard said, extending his arms to corral us back to the elevator.

From behind door 3908 came a sound. Just a tiny whimper. Like something a cowed dog might make to avoid being struck, only all too human and familiar. I knew that sound. It was someone in pain. And that voice. There was something almost a little familiar about it. But the last time that I had heard it, it had been a whimper of excitement. I had never heard one of pain. My eyes met Gale's for just a moment, but it was long enough for two people who operated the way that we did.

Katniss placed a hand on my back and I knew that she was already in on it. It would help to have the two of us working together with Gale as the background. The distraction. Perfect partners, as always. I suddenly let Cinna's sketchbook fall at the guard's feet with a loud bang. Everyone jumped as I awkwardly laughed apologetically. A second after he leaned down to retrieve it, Gale leaned down, too, intentionally bumping heads with him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Gale said with a light laugh, catching the guard's arms as if to steady himself, turning him slightly away from me.

"Move!" I hissed at Katniss.

That was our chance. Definitely our only chance as the guards wouldn't like that we were directly disobeying orders, something that didn't go over very well in District 13. But I couldn't be bothered with punishment right now. So Katniss and I darted around the distracted guard, pushed open the door marked 3908, and stumbled inside. That was where I found them. My hand immediately clasped over my mouth. There they were. Half-naked, bruised, and shackled to the wall. My Prep Team.

A/N: Here's the newest update! I hope that you liked it as I enjoyed getting to write it. A slightly nicer chapter that will follow with lots of heartbreaking ones. Thanks so much for the follows and favorites! Please review! Until next time -A

Guest: Oh I'm so glad to hear that! You are very welcome for my continuation. I'm having way too much fun to stop now. I hope that you enjoyed this one!

melliemoo: Thanks for both of your reviews! Aspen has had a ton of emotional turmoil but she's finally ready to fight back! I'm glad that you love her interactions with Cato's family and her goodbye to Leah. Yes, she brought back Buttercup, as much as she hates him. Sorry the torture scenes were a little brutal! But I wanted to give it a try, I just got a little too into it lol. Yes, the scenes with Aspen were deliberately designed to be the worst part. I hope you like the new chapter!